Jayne felt the hot blood pouring from the knife wound in his belly. He looked around Serenity at the damage from the Reaver's attack. Jayne's eyes blurred as he stumbled down the path to the bridge. Each movement took more of his strength than the last until he tripped and fell at the feet of the steps. He crawled up one step and then the next, until he was on his knees in the bridge. He made it to the chair and tried to contact the shuttles.

"Jayne?" the video panel sprang to life showing Inara at the helm of her shuttle.

"They won't be coming after you… got the last of em… Ship is safe… I'm…sorry. Tell the others I'm sorry…I wish I'd had time to make things right…I…" Jayne fell from the chair then and his body slumped down to the floor, as Inara's voice continued screaming at him. He couldn't understand what she was saying anymore. Jayne's eyes rolled back into his head as he lost consciousness. 6 hours earlier…

Jayne tossed and turned as his dreams assaulted him. They were always there. He could feel what was happening to her. He could feel each needle, see each heartless bastard cutting her. Then she screamed and he woke up suddenly his heart racing. His hands were shaking as he rolled out of bed. Jayne climbed slowly from his bunk and walked to the kitchen. He took out the bottle of whiskey and poured himself a shot before he sat down at the table. It had been like this since Aerial. He'd see her torture knowing that he almost sent her back to that. Was it his conscious waking up after so long? Or was River getting a revenge of her own on him. It didn't matter now, he wouldn't sleep anymore tonight. After muttering a few choice words in chinese he downed his whiskey quickly. "Can't sleep?" asked Book as he walked into the kitchen. "Why sleep when I could be drinkin." grinned Jayne as he tried to slip into his normal behavior. "Something is on your mind. It has been for a while now. They say confession is good for the soul." said the Shepard as he sat down at the table. "Well if I ever get one, I'll be sure and let you know." "I won't try and pry it from you, but he always gives help to those that ask for it. Not always the kind of help we want, but always the kind we need." "Real shiny that speech Book, but the only help I'm needing is a good workout." Jayne stood up from the table then and left. Jayne was working on his 10th set as he added more weight to the bar. He lifted it up and began, but as soon as he did he felt hands around his throat. He could see in his mind as blue hands grabbed her throat and held her down as more shots were injected into her. He watched as her body deprived of oxygen began to stop moving. Then he opened his eyes and pushed the weight off of his throat and locked it back into position. He fell to the floor gasping trying to breathe. "What in the hell is wrong with me…" he muttered between breaths.

"Now you know. Now you see. Now you feel." said the voice above him. Jayne looked up slowly and could see River smiling down on him from up on the catwalk.

"You doin this to me you crazy girl?"

"I'm only watching." she smiled and walked down the stairs to him. "Maybe it's God, maybe it's them, maybe it's you. You feel it still. You try to stop, but you can't. You couldn't at Canton, and you can't now. Inside you hate me, you hate Simon, you hate yourself. Not so cold or empty as you thought in here." she touched his chest, and he stood up backing away. "What do you want from me?"

"Still doesn't understand, it's not about what she wants it's about you." Then River stood up and walked away as Jayne finally caught his breath. Jayne thought about Canton, about when that Mudder had taken a shotgun blast for him. The guilt from that had bothered him more than he wanted anyone to know. He only talked to Mal about it, and even then only for a minute. He'd killed so many people, but never any innocent folk. Other thieves, mercenaries, and murderers it didn't matter if they died. Was that what this was? River and even Simon much as he hated him, they were innocent… good people. He nearly got them killed or worse. That was what this was all about…

Then there was a loud crash of metal on metal. It shook Serenity and Jayne was slammed roughly into some crates. Then Serenity's engines fired up, Jayne could hear them, but he quickly noticed that Serenity wasn't moving. Then Mal's voice came over the ships intercom.

"We've been hit. Reaver's. Jayne, Zoe, Kaylee get up to the bridge. Everyone else head for the shuttles."

Jayne took the steps two at a time as he rushed towards the bridge.

"How the hell did they get in so close without setting off the alert sir?" asked Zoe.

"Same trick that Early used. They powered down the ship to where it didn't read any different than some space trash. They weren't close enough to be a crash hazard, but they were sure close enough for their grappler." said Wash as he struggled once again to break free of the Reaver's grasp.

"What about a hard burn?" asked Jayne. "Rip the damn thing off the hull."

"It would rip the hull off with it if we tried. Then the ship decompresses, and Reaver's are no longer a problem." said Mal. "Alright Kaylee, Wash we're gonna have to make a run for it in the shuttles, but we've got to leave a surprise for them. I need you to rig the engine to blow. A blast like that should disable them giving us the time to escape." "We're gonna blow up Serenity?! But Captain!" started Kaylee.

"Kaylee, we don't have a lot of options here. Wash go with her, and make it quick they'll get through the airlock before too long. Zoe, get the civilians into Inara's shuttle with you. Take your weapons and some supplies."

"What about me?" asked Jayne.

"I'm gonna try and hold them at the airlock for a while, and buy us some more time. I'd have an easier time of it if you'd bring Vera along." said Mal as he loaded his weapon.

Jayne nodded. "I'll get her and a few of her prettier sisters." Jayne took off then running towards his bunk. A minute later he emerged from the bunk with Vera strapped across his shoulder, several pistols, a few grenades attached to his coat and a bag of assorted guns.

"Jayne they are opening up the cargo bay airlock get here quick." yelled Mal through the communicator. Jayne made it to Mal just as the door was being pried open. He tossed a rifle to Mal and they took aim from up on the catwalk. "Don't fire through the door we don't wanna decompress the ship." said Mal. "Let em in, just don't let em stay long."

Then the first Reaver's burst through the door. They weren't men, they moved like animals as they ran towards the stairs screaming. They never made it up past the second step as Mal opened into them with his rifle, once he was out of ammo, Jayne took up his position with Vera. They rotated through, but they were fighting a losing battle. They were killing Reaver's left and right, but for each one they killed 3 more came through the airlock. A large group of them were trying to move some of their dead compatriots out of the way so they could climb the stairs.

"Here let me help ya with that." yelled Jayne as he tossed one of his grenades into the pile of dead Reaver's. It took out the group of 20 that were trying to get up the stairs, but still more Reaver's poured into the room, as if seeing their allies die only heightened their excitement. Jayne and Mal both had to fire now as the Reaver's were halfway up the stairs.

"Captain…" came Wash's voice over the communicator. "We need help they are coming in through the airlock down here. We're almost done setting the engine, but we're gonna be cut off." "Jayne scrap the stairs!" yelled Mal. Jayne took two grenades and tossed them. They landed in the middle of the stairs blowing a huge gap between the Reaver's and the catwalk.

"That wont' hold em Cap'n, but it might slow em down." said Jayne as he reloaded Vera. The grating voices of the Reaver's pierced their ears as the savages swarmed below them.

"Let's go we gotta cover Wash and Kaylee to the shuttle then we can get the hell out of here, and leave these rutting bastards what they deserve." said Mal as he took off with fresh firearms. When the engine room was in sight they heard it the sickening sound of the airlock being forced open. The Reaver's poured in heading straight towards the engine room, just as Kaylee closed the door locking them out. They right away went to work on forcing that one open as well, but their attention was taken away as Jayne and Mal opened fire into the crowd. They advanced towards the engine room not having a chance to stop firing until they positioned themselves in front of the airlock.

"Get them out of there." said Mal as he continued to hit every Reaver that came through. Jayne didn't dare argue and started tossing aside Reaver corpses until he got to the engine room. "Kaylee, Wash let's go." he yelled into the room. They came running out behind him, but as he turned he saw the flash of metal flying through the air, and watched as the knife sank into Mal's shoulder. Mal dropped the gun in his left hand but stubbornly kept firing with his right until a second knife struck him in the leg. Mal fell backwards and the Reaver's came forward like a wave to crash down on him, but they never got any closer as Wash and Jayne opened fire. Vera blasted a hole in the Reaver line as Jayne rushed to Mal and took up his spot. Kaylee and Wash each grabbed one of Mal's arms over their necks and started to carry him away as Jayne and Vera kept punishing every Reaver that dared to come through the airlock.

"Hurry up make fer the Gorram Shuttle!" yelled Jayne as more Reaver's poured through. He watched Kaylee and Wash run down the hall with the Captain and once they were clear he made a retreat of his own. He had to turn and fire every few steps since the Reaver's were now throwing their knives instead of waiting to skin him with them. One struck him in the back, but thankfully it wasn't too deep. As he reached the upper level of the cargo bay and saw Kaylee and Wash enter the shuttle, he dared to hope that they might make it after all. Then he felt it as the cold steel sank into his left calf and he hit the floor hard. He rolled onto his back and opened fire holding back the swarm for a moment.

"Jayne!" yelled Kaylee as she tried to step out of the shuttle. Before she could take a step Wash pulled her back in. Jayne turned to look at them for an instant and then the Reaver slammed into him driving its bowie knife into his stomach right up to the hilt. Jayne slammed Vera into his face cracking the Reaver's skull. The remaining Reaver's had stopped to help the greater number of their allies up the now destroyed stairs. Jayne felt the blood pouring out of him as he looked towards Kaylee and Wash. Kaylee was struggling against Wash’s grasp.

“Jayne! Come on you can make it!” She screamed.

"I'm sorry…" he said then taking up his pistol he shot the door panel and the door quickly slammed shut despite Kaylee's yell. He struggled to his feet now and looked ahead of him. The Reaver's would be on him anytime now, they had moved the cargo to make a ladder of sorts and would be up to the catwalk soon. As he heard the sound of both shuttles disembarking he smiled a bit. Then he looked down and saw several Reaver's coming from the engine room with the charges still intact. Without that nothing would stop the Reaver's from going after both shuttles.

He imagined the screams from Inara and Kaylee as Reaver's fell on them. He saw Wash, Zoe, Mal, and Book cut down and watched as Simon fell trying to keep the Reaver's from River for as long as he could, and River he saw the look of suffering on her face as they took her. Then he looked to the airlock no more Reaver's were coming through it, but it was still open. He could see the frail connector that kept both ships atmosphere's intact. He looked at the blood on his hands, the fact that most of it was his didn't matter now. There was so much blood on his hands he wondered if it was even possible to clean it off.

"This is it… this is my last chance to balance things out." he said to himself. "Ya think God will call us even after this Book?" The Reavers were up now and rushing along the catwalk.

"Guess it's time for some daring heroics." he laughed to himself, as the Reaver's charged towards him. He dropped his pistol to the ground and taking a hand grenade in each hand he threw them down and watched as they bounced into the airlock. A second later he felt the tug as the air was being sucked from the cargo bay and the Reaver ship. He grabbed hold of the handrail as he was pulled over it and held with all his might. The Reaver's caught off guard had no time to react as the entire raiding party was sucked out. Jayne didn't know it, but one of the grenades had bounced through the airlock to the Reaver ship and had disabled the door there making it impossible for them to close it even if they tried. Serenity's automation was already taking over and as the line of Reaver's were sucked out the large blast doors began closing. Jayne managed to hold on, but as the doors closed he fell from the catwalk all the way to the cargo floor below. He turned to his side and coughed out a mouthful of blood. He tried to stand, but he couldn't. "When ya can't run… ya crawl." he laughed bitterly, and slowly began the trip towards the bridge. It felt like he crawled and stumbled for miles, until at last he saw the vid screen….

As he felt his life slipping from him, he opened his eyes. "Did I break even?" He saw images of Kaylee's smile, heard one of Wash's jokes, saw Zoe grinning as she beat them in poker, Watched Inara gracefully move into a room. Then he saw Book reading from his bible, saw Simon fixing Kaylee's wound, and saw Mal first as they had been after Canton, and then after Aerial with Jayne on the wrong side of the door. Finally he saw River, but it wasn't like with the others. This wasn't a memory. River was there and surrounding them both was nothing, but a blinding white light. "You saved us." said River.

"Doesn't matter now… I'm dead. I guess there is a heaven and a hell huh? You here to oversee what punishment I get?" River shook her head. "Jayne isn't dead yet. If you were I couldn't be here."

"Where is here?"

"Here is Jayne." Then she waved her hand and the blinding light changed around them as images from Jayne's life passed before them. Jayne then looked down and noticed that his wounds were gone. Jayne stared as images of his mother, of Serenity, of other places he'd worked came at him from all angles. Then he saw the memory he never wanted to remember. He looked away as his sister was ripped from his mother's grasp. He tried to turn away, but no matter what direction he turned the image was there. She struggled, but the man beat her unconscious then saying something to his mother the man took out a pistol and fired a single shot into the girl leaving her dead.

"That was the start…" said River sadly. "They took her from you, but that wasn't all they took. They made you what they were. They took you from yourself." "What nonsense you talkin." yelled Jayne as he struggled with those images. "I paid them back for what they did, and you don't know nothin! I ain't a good man gone wrong. That's Mal. I do what I do for the money!"

"Lies don't work in here. You can't lie to yourself." Then images of every payday he'd gotten while being on Serenity were there. Each time only a handful did he keep as most was sent off to his mother. "If I'm such a good man then, why'd the hell I sell you out on Aerial huh?! I don't want or need your help get the hell out of my head and let me rutting die!" screamed Jayne as he fell to his knees. Then he could hear his own thoughts after River had cut him with the knife. "She cut me! that damn crazy bitch! It ain't too bad, just another scar for my collection. She's gone off the deep end for sure this time. What if it had been Inara, or…Kaylee. She's dangerous. I ain't gonna let no one hurt Kaylee again, not even threaten to hurt her. I gotta get rid of her, rid of em both."

He looked down at his hands and could see blood on them again and watched as the wounds from the Reaver attack reappeared. He fell onto his back as blood seeped from the stomach wound. Then he felt her hand touch his chest. "He doesn't have to die now. Your life belongs to you, and no one can take it from you." said River.

"I don't understand… Why are you trying to help me?"

"You helped us, helped Kaylee. We love her, she'd cry if Jayne leaves."

"Wouldn't want that, but…there ain't much I can do." Jayne winced as the pain from the wounds hit him again. "You can! You can save yourself. Here you control everything, they are coming. Don't let yourself leave. Hold on…" then River disappeared as the world about him started to go black. "Hold on…" he heard again, but it was a faint whisper. Then he looked up and saw the railing of the catwalk just above him. He reached out and as his right hand touched it the blackness faded to grey. Then as his left hand was pulled up onto it the darkness vanished and became a hole beneath him. He wrapped his arms around it, and saw as the world shifted from shades of white and gray, but the color's we're slowly getting darker. Soon his grasp started to slip and below him he could see the darkness waiting to swallow him once more.

"That's it hold on you can do it." said River's voice, though it still sounded like an echo.

"I…I can't… I got nothin left…" Then from the darkness below him Reaver hands reached up they caught hold of his feet and began pulling him from the catwalk. "No don't fall!"

Jayne looked up at the catwalk as the dark shadow began to expand in all directions. He felt helpless and weak as it surrounded him. Only his right hand was visible as it held to the railing. Then he saw her face, saw Kaylee as tears fell from her eyes. He felt one of them touch his hand, and as it did he tightened his grip and pulled with everything he had.

"Kaylee!!!" he groaned as he pulled himself up from the darkness again. Still the Reaver hands held to him. "You control…" echoed River's voice. He looked down at his hand and a pistol appeared in it. Then he fired at the Reaver's that were clinging to him and watched as they slipped back down into the shadow, and that shadow was rapidly fading until only the white light could be seen again. "Is it done…" he asked as his muscles strained.

"It is." said River as her hand touched his. Then the light grew even brighter, brighter than Jayne thought possible. In an instant it was gone, and he found himself staring up into the light of the infirmary. "He's awake!" yelled Kaylee as she rushed over to him, the others followed quickly as he struggled out a groan. Then he felt her lips on his as Kaylee leaned over kissing him. When she stopped and ran her hand across his forehead smiling he looked at River.

"I don't get it… I didn't let go… how did I die? and who slipped up and let me into heaven?" The others broke into smiles and laughing. They stayed with him for only a few minutes, but on his aching body it felt like hours. Mal told everyone about the stand in the cargo hold, Wash and Kaylee told most about the engine room where Mal and Jayne had saved them. Jayne finally spoke up when they asked him what happened after the shuttles left. "We should really take a spin, by Canton." said Wash. "We could give them another story to make a song about for ya."

"I think we should let Jayne get some rest, he's still recovering from some pretty serious wounds." said Simon. Kaylee looked a bit upset, but at Mal's nod she let go of Jayne's hand and walked out of the room.

Jayne didn't remember falling asleep, but as he yawned and stretched he felt like he'd slept for a long time. He was still in the infirmary, but the bandage on his stomach wasn't red anymore so that was probably a good sign. Then he saw Mal sitting in the corner. "Think it's time we talked now." said Mal as he shut the infirmary door. "While you were out and Simon was working on ya, you talked a lot about Aerial. Everyone knows what you did…" It was Jayne's worst nightmare come true, he was beginning to wish Simon wasn't so good at his job. If he had died from the Reaver attack he wouldn't have to deal with all this. "…but after what you did to save this crew, we all decided to call it even." Jayne let out a sigh of relief. "There's a new problem though. You said a lot of things while the doc was working on ya, some of it didn't make much sense. Some of it made too much. Ya said a lot about Kaylee. Now I know a man on his last moments says a lot of things, but she ain't takin it that way. Especially not how you almost died saving her. One thing ya said was you wouldn't let no one hurt her again, I feel the same way. So now you tell me, no lies, no games how you feel about her."

Jayne looked down at his chest sadly.

"Ain't much to say… She's the best damn woman I've ever met. Always wanted to tell her so, but… it ain't the kind of thing I'm good at. It's only part of the reason… but she's a big reason why I hated Simon so much. Watching her with him, felt like someone stabbing me… Coming that close to dying changes things. I saw a lot of things I tried to forget, and a lot things I tried to hide... I love her… but you don't gotta say no more… you don't think I'm good nuff for her and neither do I…"

"Not his call." said Kaylee as she walked around from behind him. Jayne looked over at her and then at Mal.

"You rutting bastard you set me up!" yelled Jayne. Mal only grinned at him. "Like you said, words ain't your strong point, I hate complications. If I was gonna have to sit around while my mechanic is all in love with you and you can't admit the same we'd never get anything done around here. Sides Jayne ya ain't the hardest guy in the verse to trick." "Hey lay off my Jayne. The Hero of Canton's probably hungry and I've got some hot soup all ready to go." smiled Kaylee as she moved her chair near to the bed. Jayne sat in shock for a minute and then smiled as he heard River's voice in his head.

"Her love for him now ain't hard to explain. He's the hero of Kaylee the man we call Jayne."

Jayne thought. "River, I’ve never actually said it, but I'm sorry about Aerial…"

"She knows. We all know. Jayne already told us, already your forgiven. Don't need to ask."

Jayne opened his eyes and smiled back at Kaylee, as Mal left closing the door behind him.