(Written April 11, 2003, for the first ff_friday challenge--100 to 1000 words on childhood.)

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. No infringement is intended on the rights of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, or 20th Century Fox TV.

No archiving, please. Feedback welcome.

"Lessons"

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You live on a ship. It's your home. You can touch dirt, feel the sun and the wind, but home is in the sky. You love Momma and Daddy, and you love Serenity. That was the first thing you ever learned.

Momma says, "Look, honey, but don't touch. Learn by watching."

Daddy says, "Come here, sweetie, and I'll teach you how this works. But don't tell your momma." This button does one thing, and that switch does another, and nobody knows when it's you keying the comm when Daddy announces planetfall, or that your hands are over his on the wheel when the ship touches down.

No touching guns. Not even Daddy allows it, though he lets you watch from a safe distance when it's time for cleaning. But Cap'n takes you aside when no one else is around and shows you more. "We all keep each other safe, sweetheart. That'll be your job someday, too." He lets you touch the gleaming metal, hear the sound of a weapon readied, feel the weight of the bullets in your hand.

Tiny things that cause so much hurt, like the hard little bits of rock and dust out in the black that scratch the hull and foul the engines. No one sees you crouched by the window when Doc takes the bullet out of Cap'n's leg while Momma scolds him for being so reckless. He just laughs at Momma but his eyes aren't laughing, 'cause what Doc does hurts. You watch and learn.

You're up on the catwalk out of sight when the dark men come, and Daddy takes a gun and shoots them. Dead. That makes them gone forever. That's what guns do besides hurting. Keep the ship safe. Keep you safe.

Daddy never knows you saw, doesn't know why you show up on the bridge later and crawl into his lap and hug him tight. He looks at you funny, then finds his dinos and starts playing, so soon you're laughing as your critter and his fight for control of the Great Land of the Console.

You perch in the hammock and watch Kaylee work, learning the names and what things do. Turbine, steamer, compression coil, press regulator. Ship has to keep flying. Kaylee lets you hold the tools and get grease on your fingers and all over your clothes. You learn about laundry duty.

You're tall enough to set the table while Grampa cooks and makes the food smell and taste better than anyone else can. He sits you down with all sorts of books and you learn to read. River does magic with pen and paper to make pretty pictures of places you've never seen, shows you how to play games with numbers. Sometimes she talks to you, sometimes she doesn't. She's special, and everyone loves her almost as much as they all love you.

Her big brother lets you sit in the infirmary when everyone else is too busy for you, and tells you stories of Earth-That-Was. He takes care of you when you get sick. You can talk to him about scary things and he doesn't tell anyone.

Cap'n says you're getting way too smart and what are they going to do with you. 'Nara pats his arm and says, "Watch out–she may be after your job." You learn that they're like Momma and Daddy, but not really. 'Nara counts the money and listens to the Cortex. She takes you in her lap to brush out your hair when Momma's out on the job and it feels good. She always looks so pretty but sometimes she's sad.

You have a birthday. Jayne holds you up to blow out the candles and whispers in your ear to save the biggest piece of cake for him. He used to scare you when you were littler 'cause he was so big and looked so mean. But he taught you how to play hide 'n' seek, and that's how you learned every inch of the ship, where things are kept and where to hide when bad things happen.

You get scared when they do but somebody always makes it right. Daddy says it's okay to be scared so long as you know what to do to stay safe. Everybody looks out for you but you learn how to look out for yourself, so they can take care of business and make things right.

You watch and learn. Serenity is home. She'll keep you safe. When you're old enough, you'll do the same for her.

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