A/N: Okay, the angsty fluff continues - for all of you who have been clamoring for and asking questions about some of our unresolved issues (namely a man with the initials G.T.) please keep in mind that I have already written a 28 chapter sequel and am in the midst of what promises to be another 20+ plus installment - everything will be resolved, all in good time ... so I hope you can stick it out until then!

Thanks again to Leiasky - YOU ROCK!

And keep those comments coming!

***

A NEW LIFE, ch. 25: Unsuspecting Hearts

***

The Fryes were good people, everyone knew that. They had opened their house, their land, their cupboards – any and everything to Serenity’s crew and their daughter’s new extended family. With bright smiles and not a care in the world, Winnie and Thom both had accepted each of them, from Jayne all the way down to little Cadie and made everyone feel right at home. It was a completely new environment for all of Millie’s children, and once they were over their initial shyness, each of them had warmed to Thom, Winnie and Kaylee’s three brothers, all grown but close by, in just a matter of days.

Zoe watched with delight as Ellie ran and played with her brothers and sisters and some of the Frye’s older grandchildren. Running in the giant yard behind the Frye’s house, the children could be found outside, climbing trees, playing games or simply sitting – although those moments were fairly rare – at just about any time of the day or night. Zoe was often tasked to watch them and she didn’t mind. She had begun to help as they’d started work on the new homesteads for both the Everetts and Millie, but now, after supper, she was more than content to sit and watch them, marveling at the carefree way they all enjoyed each other’s company and their newfound home.

Whether Ellie could sense her eyes on her, or whether she was truly tired Zoe didn’t know, but the little girl bounded over to where she sat, panting heavily from all her exertion. She walked up the few steps to Zoe and rubbed at some of the sweat on her face. “You wanna play,” she finally asked, when she’d caught her breath.

Smiling at her, Zoe shook her head and offered her the glass of water she had. The little girl took it gladly and gulped down the liquid as Zoe pushed some of her sweat-soaked hair off her face. “You havin’ fun,” she asked, quietly, as the girl gave back the now empty glass and wiped at her mouth with her arm.

Nodding enthusiastically, Ellie answered, “Yes, ma’am.” Looking over her shoulder to where the children still ran and shouted, she turned back to Zoe with a knowing grin. “I think that Elliot boy likes me.”

Zoe cocked an eyebrow at the girl, trying to suppress the chuckle she felt rising to her lips. Elliot was the Frye’s eldest grandson and while Zoe had no doubt he was quite taken with Ellie, she had doubted how intuitive the little girl would be to his interest. Taking the glass back, Zoe reached up with a handkerchief she had tucked away and rubbed at some dirt on Ellie’s cheek. “Is that why you’re kickin’ him then?”

Rolling her eyes at the older woman, Ellie stepped out her touch, not wanting her to make her look all clean – none of the other girls were clean and Ellie couldn’t make it look like she was trying too hard. “Zoe,” she said, her tone clearly exasperated. “I can’t let on that I like ‘im. Then he’ll just be a …” She trailed off, uncertain of the word. Stifling an even bigger laugh from escaping her lips, Zoe waited for the child to finish her description. “Boob,” she said soundly, no doubt having picked up the word from River or Kaylee as it was often the only word the two ladies used to describe Simon.

Laughing wholeheartedly now, Zoe pulled the girl to her and planted a light kiss on her cheek. Turning her around and giving her a gentle push, she said, “All right then, just don’t leave any bruises on ‘im. Go play. It’ll be time for bed soon.”

Ellie flashed the woman a giant grin and then bounded down the stairs, jumping the last two and hitting the ground at a run, heading straight for Elliot and pinching him hard on the shoulder before running away with a squeal.

Lost in thought, Zoe did not hear River approach, although chances were she wouldn’t have heard the young girl anyway. “You love her.”

Startled, Zoe turned to her right and squinted a bit in the darkness to make out River’s form. She was standing against the railing of the porch, her head leaning against one of the posts. The question had been directed at Zoe, but as the older woman followed her gaze, she saw that her eyes were fixed on Cadie, sitting a bit apart from the other children with Elijah, who wasn’t feeling particularly well.

Returning her gaze to River, Zoe commented quietly, “I do. Just like you love Cadie.”

If River was surprised by the assessment, it didn’t show. Shifting her gaze to stare off at nothing, River was silent. Closing her eyes, she tried to get a read from the children in the yard, from Zoe, from Jayne, from her brother and his new family. She liked it here, very much, liked these people and the home they had created. It wasn’t like anything River had ever felt before and she felt at once warm and cold surrounded by so much love; warm because it filled her to the core and made her feel whole; cold because she still wasn’t certain it was a feeling she’d ever be able to reciprocate, not the way it was meant to be.

She and Jayne had continued to grow closer and she liked that, liked who she was when she was with him. She wasn’t the damaged girl, the crazy one, she was just River, a young woman on the verge of being in love for the first time. Despite all of Jayne’s gruffness, he was gentle with her; he didn’t push, didn’t try and hurt her feelings, tried instead to protect her, she knew that. He didn’t think she’d quite caught on, but she knew that if anyone, including one of the children made a comment about her being not quite right, he was the first to defend her. It made her smile.

But still, she wondered if she’d ever truly be what he needed. There was no guarantee even now, after the Academy, after Miranda, that she was on the road to normalcy. She would never be normal, it didn’t exist for her. River desperately wanted to believe that the older she got and the farther removed she was from her troubled adolescence, the better chance she’d have at living the life that would allow for love and passion and comfort and security. That she would be able to have what Simon and Kaylee had, including a baby or maybe two. She had taken steps just that afternoon to find out about her ability to have children and she was now waiting, the hours ticking by so slowly until Simon got the results. It was painful at best. She wanted to believe everything would come back right and shiny, but she couldn’t.

River was smart, very smart, and she knew that what had been done to her and what she suffered from still on a daily basis were not problems easily resolved. She felt tears pricking her eyes, and she blinked trying to push them away, but it was no use. Oblivious to much happening around her, River didn’t notice Cadie standing in front of her, holding her arms up to her until she’d been there for a full minute. Smiling at the girl through her tears, River picked her up and the little one wrapped her tiny arms around her neck.

River hugged her, swaying lightly back and forth. Zoe watched in silence, knowing that whatever level the two girls were connecting on was well beyond her understanding, but she still felt for both of them. Zoe had seen the way River had taken to that little girl, Cadie, who was so much like River Zoe imagined at times it was even painful for River to accept. And she saw the compassion and longing in River’s features every time she looked to the raven-haired child. Zoe had always known, regardless of River’s mental state, that she had a great capacity for love, just like her brother, and Zoe guessed this little girl had awakened a deep desire in the girl that not even someone as smart as River had been prepared for.

River cried silent tears, burying her face in Cadie’s soft hair. Finally the little girl drew back from her and looked into River’s big eyes. Placing both hands on her cheeks, she leaned forward and whispered, “Mama. Love.”

Stifling a sob, River almost dropped the girl at her words. Staggering slightly, Zoe was up in an instant steadying them both. Looking to Zoe with tear-filled eyes, she whispered, “Take her, please.”

Zoe nodded once, taking the little girl, even as she protested and started to yell, “Mama,” reaching back for River. Neither Zoe, nor any of the rest of the crew, had learned of this development yet, and she looked between the young one and River with wide eyes. Unable to explain, River just shook her head as more tears fell and without another word, ran down the steps and out into the yard, past the children, her small form quickly swallowed by the darkness.

Zoe cradled the girl to her chest, trying to calm her. Jayne came out at that moment, having thought he heard something, and looked between Zoe and Cadie in confusion. “Where’s River,” he asked quickly, fear gripping his heart.

Zoe nodded in the direction she’d gone, reaching out to place a firm grip on Jayne’s arm. “Leave her be for a bit, Jayne,” she warned him, meeting his intense gaze. She saw such love in the merc’s expression, she almost forgot to breathe. “She just needs some time.”

Jayne did not like that idea at all, but he thought that maybe River did need a few moments to herself. She’d been growing more and more withdrawn the longer they’d been with the Fryes, refusing to even talk with him, which wasn’t like her. Over the past year or so, she’d always been able to confide in him and he didn’t like being left in the dark, especially not now when things were starting to go so well.

Looking to Zoe once, he nodded his appreciation and then turned and bellowed to the still shouting kids, “All righ’ everybody! Time for bed!”

***

“Oh mei mei, this is so exciting,” Inara told her, as the two women leafed through wedding catalogs they had gotten from the general store in town. It had been just a few days since Simon had told Kaylee to plan the wedding of her dreams, and so, enlisting the help of her best friend, both ladies had set to doing just that.

“Ain’t it though,” Kaylee breathed, pausing in mid-page turn to hold up her hand with Simon’s ring on it. She found herself stopping and staring at it more during the day, getting lost in thought until someone or something startled her back to reality … and she loved it.

Inara watched as her friend’s gaze drifted away and Inara’s heart swelled for her. Kaylee deserved all the happiness she could possibly find and Inara was so grateful that she was able to share in it, even a little. They turned at the sound of the running footsteps and watched as the children went by and up to bed, calling good nights over their shoulders as they past the two women in the kitchen. Zoe and Jayne brought up the rear, Zoe carrying Cadie, and Jayne carrying Elijah. Both of them nodded to their crew mates, before also disappearing upstairs to get everyone settled in for the night.

When Kaylee again turned her attention back to the table, she saw that Inara’s eyes were locked on an image in front of her. Rising slightly to see what had captured her friend’s attention, Kaylee saw a beautiful dress. It was white with gold detailing along the hem. The full skirt fell in fluffy tiers all the way to the floor and the neckline was plunging without being distasteful. It was lovely, but as Kaylee looked back to Inara’s face she knew her friend had not picked it out for her upcoming wedding.

“When’s the cap’n gonna ask ya?”

Her question pulled Inara from her thoughts and she looked to her, blinking to clear her mind. “What, mei mei?”

Smiling at her knowingly, Kaylee grabbed Inara’s hand and asked, “When’s he gonna ask ya?”

Rolling her eyes and again turning her attention back to the catalog, she tried to blow off her question. “Oh, I don’t know. Chances are he won’t.”

“Now, that ain’t true, ‘Nara, and you know it,” Kaylee admonished. How two people so obviously in love as Inara and the Captain could continue to be so stubborn, she had yet to understand. “Maybe you just gotta ask him.”

“I did.” The words were out before she’d even realized they’d been forming. Immediately casting her gaze to the table top, Inara did not want to meet Kaylee’s wide eyes. She knew that look of sadness for her rejection would cause Inara to cry and she didn’t want that. This wasn’t about her ridiculously complicated relationship with Mal anyway; it was about Kaylee’s and Simon’s happiness.

“Oh ‘Nara,” Kaylee breathed, again reaching out and squeezing her friend’s hand. “When did –“

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quickly, continuing to turn the pages in front of her, not looking at any of the images. “It’s not worth discussing Kaylee. We should be talking about you and Simon.” She finally lifted her eyes to her friend’s face and they were clear. She would not cry over this, not again, not anymore. Mal had made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be a husband, and she had told him she’d respect that. Of course as the weeks dragged on and he made no move to ask her, as he’d promised, she was slowly starting to lose hope. “We’re focusing on you now, mei mei. Your wedding, your happiness.”

Kaylee knew when Inara was trying to change the subject and she respected her friend’s wishes, again turning to regard the images in the books in front of her. It pained her to know Inara was suffering, especially when the situation could so easily be fixed if the captain would just own up to his feelings. But she also knew that for her two friends, two people whom she loved dearly, nothing had ever been that easy.

***

Jayne waited restlessly on the back porch of the Frye’s home, staring into the dark. He was hoping that at any moment River would come back so he could be sure she was all right, so he could ask her what had her so spooked before that she’d gone running off. But as the first hour of his vigil turned into two, he was growing impatient.

He was not a man who liked to feel powerless. He’d actually spent much of his professional career as an enforcer, a mercenary, the man to be feared and that gave him quite a bit of sway over others. But now, with River, he knew he couldn’t help her. He could not fix the problems she had or take away the pain she felt and it was driving him insane.

But, not enough to make him run, which had Jayne even more baffled. He had never thought, in a million years, that he would fall for someone like River. She was generally crazier than he liked and generally younger than he liked, and she was definitely the most powerful woman he’d ever met. She had killed folk, sure and even slashed on him once or twice, but all of those reactions, that violence, had been conditioned responses, programmed into her by men even more insane than her who thought that making people into weapons was the wave of the future.

Jayne felt anger towards these faceless men many hours of the day, especially the more his feelings for River deepened. He knew that it was mostly a result of what they’d done that caused her to awake in the night screaming or wander about the ship in a daze. He knew that River had always been special, even before her time at the Academy, but he knew it was those fateful years inside that torture chamber that had changed her, damaged her. And it made him mad.

Now, he was still waiting. He wanted to heed Zoe’s warning, give her space, but he was concerned. The nights on Harvest were cold, a sharp contrast to the hotness of the days and her continued absence worried him. River still refused to wear shoes and had run off in little more than one of those dresses she always wore. He knew she’d be getting cold and he didn’t like to think of her, out there, all alone, shivering. Not when he’d much prefer to think of her, here with him, warm and safe.

Sighing heavily, he rose, grabbing his jacket and heading off into the dark. He was to the edge of the woods that surrounded the Frye’s property when he heard it; when he heard her. Pausing to listen, his ears again picked up the whisper of a sound and he moved with renewed speed in that direction. River was there, just inside the treeline, lying on the ground, shivering.

Jayne moved to her side, and picked her up in his arms, working the jacket over her shaking form. She fought him at first, obviously unaware of who he was or where they were, but he held her steady against him, and tried to quiet her, even as she continued to cry.

“Shh, baby girl, you’re okay,” he murmured, pressing a kiss into her hair. It was matted to her head, covered in mud created from the storm earlier that day, obviously she’d been lying there for quite some time.

Slowly, he took her back to the house and to her room, laying her down on the bed, and covering her with more blankets. She was in and out of consciousness for a little over an hour and just as Jayne was about to get her brother, she opened her eyes to him. “Don’t,” she pleaded, grasping his hand. Looking back to her, Jayne felt tears prickling his eyes and he blinked them away. “Don’t. He’ll just think I’m crazy. I don’t want to be crazy,” she whispered, her voice growing more hoarse as she drifted back into unconsciousness. “Want to be whole, want to be good, want to be loved.”

With those words, her eyes fell shut and Jayne could do nothing more than sit there and hold her cold, small hand, watching as her chest rose with each breath, watching as she cried tears in her sleep. He could do nothing.

After a few more moments of indecision, when he knew she was out, he rose slowly and headed down the hall for Simon and Kaylee’s room. He really did not want to have this discussion with the doc, now, or ever for that matter, but he knew it couldn’t be helped. River needed her brother right now, and a doctor, and it was Jayne’s responsibility to make sure she got both.

Rapping lightly on the door, it took the boy a full minute to final stumble out of bed and answer. As he pulled the door open, Jayne smiled at him sheepishly, and waited for Simon’s eyes to adjust to the light from the hallway. “Jayne,” he asked, his voice quiet from sleep. Recognition dawning, Simon was alert in an instant, grabbing for a shirt as he looked back to the large man standing in the doorway. “What is it?”

“It’s River, doc,” Jayne said, realizing he’d just probably spoken the words the man hated to hear most. “I think she needs ya.”

Without another word, Simon grabbed his bag, whispering something to Kaylee, before racing down the hall towards his sister’s room. By the time Jayne got there, Kaylee now close on his heels, Simon was already checking River’s heart beat, his stethoscope pressed to her chest. Shaking his head, Simon muttered something to himself and then looked back to take in Jayne’s terrified expression. “What happened?”

He shrugged and answered, “I don’t know, doc, and that’s the truth. I came out to get the kids for bed and River was runnin’ off. Zoe said she needed some time, so I thought I’d give it to her, you know? Then when she didn’t come back, I went looking for her.” Gazing to River’s small form, Jayne’s eyes immediately filled with more tears and he again blinked them away. “And I found her at the edge of the woods.”

Kaylee’s eyes had filled with tears at the sight of her sister, and she left now, returning in a moment with a basin of warm water and a cloth. Pushing past Jayne she entered the room and began to press the damp cloth to River’s face and hair, trying to get rid of the dirt and mud that still clung to her. “She gonna be all right,” Kaylee asked Simon, never taking her eyes off the girl’s face.

Simon nodded once administering a sedative he knew would keep her out for the rest of the night, knowing she needed the rest. Looking to Kaylee, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “Will you stay with her for a minute,” he asked, again turning his gaze to Jayne. “I need to speak with Jayne for a moment.”

Kaylee nodded as Simon rose and, taking Jayne by the arm, led him from the room. Once they were in the hall, Simon crossed his arms over his chest and gave the mercenary a cold look. “What did you do?”

Jayne was not in the mood for Simon’s big brother act; not now. “I didn’t do nothin’ doc, I done tol’ ya that.” He tried to move past the doctor, tried to get back to River’s side, but Simon blocked his path.

“And I don’t believe you,” Simon told him, his gaze growing colder, if that were possible. “Do you know that River came to see me today? In the infirmary?”

Jayne shrugged. He’d known she’d been heading somewhere and it didn’t surprise him it had been to see Simon. “So,” he asked, looking for the connection to River’s current state.

“So,” Simon answered, knowing he was breaking one of the cardinal rules of medicine by telling Jayne this, but not caring. He loved his sister and he would do anything to protect her, especially from this man-ape. “She asked me to perform an exam for her. To see if she could have children some day.”

Jayne’s jaw fell to the ground. Shaking his head, he tried to deny Simon’s words, tried to make them less true by refusing to really hear what he’d just said, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Cursing a quiet string of Chinese, he finally brought his eyes back to meet Simon’s and said, “I didn’t tell her to do that.”

Nodding, Simon answered, “She told me as much, but I still don’t think it’s a coincidence, Jayne.” He was trying to read the other man’s reactions, trying to determine just how serious he was about his sister. Judging but what he’d been able to glean so far, this attraction River felt was clearly mutual.

“Whatda ya want me to say, Simon,” Jayne asked, trying to keep his voice down so as to not wake the whole house. “You want me to tell you I don’t love her? I don’t care about her? Will that make it easier for you to blame me for this?”

Simon stared at the man for a moment, having been totally unprepared for such a passionate reaction. The fact was he did blame Jayne, whether it was rightfully placed or not. “Yes,” he bit out, his voice a harsh whisper. “Yes, I want you to admit that you don’t care about her and leave her be.”

“I can’t do that, doc,” Jayne told him, his anger quickly on the rise. Months of feeling helpless were starting to catch up with him. “I can’t. I know that’d make it easier for you, and it sure as hell make it easier for me, but it ain’t the truth.” Pausing again, Jayne finally said, “I ain’t gonna crawl away ‘cause you don’t like it. And I ain’t gonna deny my feelins’ just to make you feel better.”

Simon’s eyes widened slightly at the older man’s admission. He had not been ready for that amount of honesty to come pouring from his mouth. But it didn’t matter. River was in pain, hurting, and Simon knew that Jayne had something to do with that. “Then why, Jayne? Why does she suddenly care so much about having a baby if it doesn’t have to do with you?”

Jayne was about to answer, when a tiny voice halted both men. “Mama?”

Turning to glance behind him, he saw Cadie standing at the end of the hall, her blanket clutched in her hand, tears falling silently down her face. Jayne moved towards her, but before he could reach her, she ran the rest of the way and flung herself into his arms, crying heartily now as she said, “Dada?”

“Yes, baby, you’re okay,” he whispered, rubbing her back. Ignoring Simon’s stupefied expression, Jayne moved past him and back to River’s side, sitting on the edge of the bed with Cadie balanced in his lap. “See, sweetie, she’s fine. Mama’s okay.”

Cadie looked to him with an expression of pure disbelief, and Jayne could swear it was River staring at him instead. Crawling off of his lap, she moved down until she was curled up on River’s pillow, their heads just inches apart. “Mama, love,” she whispered, as she reached out and placed a gentle hand to the side of River’s head.

Jayne, along with Kaylee and Simon watched quietly as the tears that River had been crying in her sleep, slowly stopped, and she again settled into a more restful sleep. Within mintues, Cadie was out beside her.

Directing both Simon and Kaylee out of the room, Jayne handed the doctor his medical bag and said, “G’night, Simon.”

The young doctor looked ready to protest, but Kaylee’s gentle hand on his arm stopped the words on his lips. “Good night, Jayne,” he said instead and could only stand dumbfounded as the other man shut the door.

Sighing heavily, he looked to Kaylee who still had tears in her eyes. “There somethin’ you wanna tell me, sweetie,” she asked quietly, placing a hand to his cheek.

Kissing her softly, Simon led her back to their room, suddenly feeling very weary. “Bao bei,” he said tiredly. “I honestly don’t even know where to begin.”

***

Inara awoke slowly, enjoying the comfort of the bed the Fryes had provided her and Mal. She loved her own furnishings on Serenity, but there was something worn and lived in about this mattress, and she found she got the most restful night’s sleep imaginable every time she sunk into its softness.

Of course falling asleep in Mal’s arms also afforded her a peacefulness she had grown accustomed to. Despite the fact that she was still conflicted over his rejection of her proposal, she loved him, and she knew she always would. What it would mean for their relationship if he never asked her to marry him was something she did not like to dwell on. She knew the survival rate of relationships after a turned down proposal was not good, but she tried not to recite the statistics to herself. She and Mal had already beaten the odds in most instances anyway.

Rolling over to shake these thoughts from her mind, she was surprised to see Mal looking down at her. He had propped himself up on one elbow and was gazing at her sleeping form. With a slow, satisfied grin, he slurred, “Mornin’.”

“Good morning,” she answered back, not at all sure she liked the look on his face. He was up to something. Rising up on her elbows herself, she turned a stern gaze on him and asked, “What did you do?”

Shrugging his shoulders easily, he gave her his most winning smile, which increased her suspicions tenfold. “Malcolm Reynolds,” she intoned, her voice getting an edge. “What. Did. You. Do?”

His smile broadened and Inara felt her anger recede as he moved forward, cupping the back of her head in his hand and pulled her towards him for a long, passionate kiss. Inara gave in, of course. She had long ago learned that despite all of her training and restraint, she could not resist him. When they parted, he placed their foreheads together and whispered, “Look out the window.”

Puzzled now, Inara pulled back to look at him. “What?”

Gesturing behind her to the curtained window, he said again, “Look out the window.”

Truly curious, despite her momentary suspicion, Inara rose, grabbing for her robe. Pulling it on, she cast one last glance over her shoulder to him. His only response was to again cock his head in the direction of the portal. Sighing, Inara prayed he hadn’t done something she’d have to kill him for, and pulled back the curtain.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she instantly felt her eyes water. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there staring down, but soon Mal was behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pressing kisses to her cheek and shoulder. “Well,” he murmured, still waiting for her reaction.

Inara blinked back her tears and again took in the sight before her. There, spelled out on the ground below the window in what appeared to be scrap wood were the words, ‘Marry me.’ He had asked her and he had even managed to do it in a way she never could have predicted.

“Oh, Mal,” she breathed, finally able to speak again. Turning in his embrace, she kissed him soundly and felt as he pulled her tight to him. She could feel every inch of him against her and she reveled in the touch, in the ridiculous amount of happiness she felt when she was with him. Coming up for air, Mal finally asked, “Is that a yes?”

She grinned at him and laughed against his mouth as she kissed him again. “Yes,” she told him, over and over again.

Having seen the words spelled out, no one else in the Frye household was surprised when Mal and Inara did not make it down for breakfast.

***

River awoke slowly the next morning. She was at first confused as to where she could be, but slowly, in bits and pieces the events of the previous night came back to her and she soon found herself blinking back tears. Rolling her head to the side, she saw Cadie’s peaceful and beautiful face lying beside her. The girl was curled onto her side, her hands tucked up under chin.

Shifting positions so that River was facing her, she gazed into that little face for a long while, until she finally felt Jayne stir beside her. She knew he had been the one to find her, had been the one to care for her and had even gotten Simon although she had told him no. But she wasn’t mad, she couldn’t be; it wasn’t fair for him to continue having to put her back together again every time she broke. And she couldn’t rely on her brother to do that or this little girl she was enamored with – the only person River knew she should be relying on was herself.

The thought at once frightened and saddened her.

Blinking away more tears, she smiled slightly as Jayne groaned and rolled over, wrapping an arm around her waist and burying his head into the crook between her neck and shoulder. They lay like that for a few moments, the mercenary no doubt still asleep and River closed her eyes, trying to burn the memory into her subconscious, the sight, the sound, the feeling of this one perfect moment, with little Cadie sleeping contentedly beside her and Jayne’s strong arms around her. She knew that she wouldn’t get many more of these moments ever again.

Waking in a fog, Jayne finally murmured against her shoulder, “Am I dreamin’?”

Smiling at him, River did not move, but answered simply, “Not a dream.”

Raising his head, Jayne leaned over to look down at her and then across the way to where Cadie was still out. Pressing a kiss to her cheek and then nuzzling her soft skin for a moment, Jayne just held her tighter. River did not complain; she honestly would have frozen the moment in time if she’d had the power.

“You okay,” Jayne asked, his voice still muffled from being buried in her hair.

“Hmm,” she said in way of answer, which got a very concerned expression plastered to the man’s face.

Pulling on her waist slightly, he rolled her towards him so he could look down at her. Reaching out, she rested a light hand against his cheek and before he could ask again, she told him, “I’ll be fine.”

Jayne made no comment, just leaned down to kiss her gently and then wrap his arms around her, pulling her to him. After a few moments of silence, he finally said, “You gotta tell me what’s goin’ on, baby girl. You done scared me last night.”

River blinked back tears and was about to say something when a knock on the door interrupted their moment. “Go away,” Jayne yelled, scowling at the door.

Pulling back from him, River gave him a knowing expression and said, “It’s Simon. He wants to check on me.”

His scowl deepening, Jayne kissed her again and then told her, “Well, I can tell ‘im to scram or hit ‘im or something.” He trailed his lips down her neck, delighting as she arched her back slightly in response to his kisses.

Placing a firm hand against his shoulder and pushing him back, she told him, “No. If he doesn’t see me now he’ll be impossible all day.”

Sighing heavily, Jayne squeezed her to him once more and rolled off the bed, heading for the door. As he allowed Simon entrance to the room, neither man spoke to the other and River could feel the tension oozing between them. Having shifted her gaze back to Cadie, who had miraculously stayed asleep, she pouted when Jayne approached the bed and scooped the girl up.

Noting the expression on her face, Jayne said, “Now, don’t look at me like that. The girl needs to sleep in her own bed.” Giving a meaningful look to Simon, he added, “And you need some time with your brother.”

River nodded once and reached out a hand to him, which Jayne squeezed dutifully and then left the room, closing the door behind him. Simon started his work in silence, removing a few of his instruments and checking her heart rate, temperature, blood pressure. River watched him, content to let him brood for a few minutes, hoping he might be able to purge the bad mood from his system all on his own.

When he finally turned sad eyes to her, she knew that had been a pipe dream. Much as she had with Jayne, River placed a hand to his cheek, and said, “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m going to be fine.”

Frowning at her, River immediately knew what her brother thought of that assessment. “Mei mei, how can you say that,” he asked, taking her hand from his face and holding it between his own. “If Jayne hadn’t found you last night you could have gotten pneumonia. You are not fine.”

Moving to sit up, Simon helped her and when River was again situated, she said to him, “I will be.”

Still not at all sure he liked the cryptic nature of her assuredness, Simon asked, “How? Why? What’s changed?”

Looking back to the door where Jayne had departed just minutes before with Cadie, River sighed heavily and blinked away fresh tears. She would never change, she knew that now. So, if that was the case, then she could never have what her heart so desperately desired. It just wasn’t meant to be. “You just have to let me be, Simon. I’ll work it out.”

“No,” Simon told her fiercely, taking her by the shoulders and forcing her to look at him. “No, mei mei, I will not accept that.”

She smiled at him, that patient, knowing smile that often drove him crazy and repeated words to him she had said just a little over a month before. “You have to let me find my own way, pain and all.”

His heart broke at the statement. Simon knew that whatever she was planning, whatever she thought she was going to do was killing her, he could tell by the way she’d started to shut him out. Over the past few years, Simon had quickly learned that the more cryptic River became the more devastated she was. It was a coping mechanism, one she used with far too much ease in his opinion.

“This is about Jayne, isn’t it?” Simon asked the question, although he was fairly certain he already knew the answer. When she again blinked back tears and averted his gaze, he knew he was right. “River, please, tell me how I can help you.”

“Go away, Simon.” Her voice was small, distant, and she again turned her head away from him, sinking back into the covers. “Just go away.”

He sat there for a few more moments, still searching for how he could possibly make this better. He was a doctor, he liked to fix things, needed to actually, and the fact that he had again failed his sister, again left her hurting, caused him more heartache than anyone could ever know.

Finally, when he knew there was nothing he could do at that moment, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek, feeling the wetness of tears there. “I’ll be around, if you need me,” he whispered. And then collecting his things, he left the room.

River waited until he was gone and then, with a heavy, sob-laden sigh, she rolled onto her stomach, buried her face in her pillow and cried, until she had grown so tired she fell into a fitful sleep.

***