Make a Wish: Chapter 2 The Profit in Wishing

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Simon had of course retreated to the infirmary, unable to think of anything that might calm him except some alone time with the cold instruments and sterile surroundings. His mind still whirled with his sister’s revelations at dinner, with the innuendo between her and the mercenary, with the gleam of delight he had noticed in Kaylee’s eyes at his discomfort.

He knew he was uptight about sex, it wasn’t a secret and he wasn’t so unaware that he hadn’t figured that out about himself. But in this particular instance, he felt his prudish behavior was warranted. This wasn’t about his own sexual experience or his relationship with Kaylee, it was about his sister – his baby sister – and her first time. And Simon was fairly certain he would slit his own wrists if she decided to lose her virginity to Jayne.

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head, trying to focus on the chart before him, the same one he had been staring at for a good hour, when he heard a small voice from the doorway. “Hey you.”

Turning, Simon frowned as he met Kaylee’s apologetic gaze and then looked back to his work. “Hey.”

Sighing, Kaylee entered the room, studying him for a moment. He was still upset, which she had kind of figured, but the tension in his shoulders looked like it could snap him in half. Approaching him from behind, Kaylee placed her light hands over his tight muscles and began kneading the flesh there.

Releasing another sigh, Simon’s chin dropped all the way to his chest. “Kaylee,” he breathed, knowing that he should probably tell her to stop, but unable to deny how good her touch felt.

“Yeah, sweetie?” she asked, pressing her lips to his cheek and getting a small shiver from him.

Swallowing his request for her to stop, Simon indulged in the feeling of her deft hands working over his muscles for a few more minutes before he placed one of his hands over hers. Pausing her motion, Kaylee smiled at him as he drew her around to stand before him and hugged her tightly.

Burying his head in her hair, he murmured sullenly, “I hate this.”

Smiling slightly, Kaylee told him, “She is an adult, sweetie. It was bound to come up sometime.”

“She’s not an adult, she’s a kid,” he whined, pulling back and holding Kaylee’s concerned gaze. “She shouldn’t be-“

“Somethin’ tells me you shouldn’t be sayin’ nothin’,” Kaylee chided, pressing a finger to his lips. “’Specially not considerin’ you lost your virginity when you was two years younger than she is now.”

Frowning again, Simon backed away from her and leaned against the exam table, his arms over his chest. “I could have lived without you knowing that little fact,” he murmured.

Smiling brightly to him, Kaylee stood before him, her hands resting on his arms and said, “It don’t matter to me.” Leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek, she confided, “All that matters to me is you’re in my bed now.”

Simon smiled wryly at her and said, “Yeah, well, it’s still embarrassing.”

Frowning at him, Kaylee backed away and hopped up onto the counter across from him. “Well ask me then?”

Puzzled, Simon looked to her and questioned cautiously, “Ask you what?”

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee told him, “’Bout my first time. Then we’ll be even.”

With a sigh, Simon shook his head no and moved back towards the chart he’d been working on. He refused to be baited. “I don’t think so.”

“Simon,” Kaylee pleaded, annoyed at his stubbornness. “Come on, you know you’re dyin’ to know.”

His mouth falling open, he turned to regard her bright, sparkling smile and stammered, “I am not.”

Grinning even wider, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and told him, “Yeah ya are.”

Staring at her for a minute more, Simon hated the fact that she was right; damn it if he wasn’t curious, almost anxious to know just how Kaylee had gained all of her experience which he was more than benefiting from now.

Leaning back against the counter, his sense of propriety warred with his inquisitive nature, the latter finally winning. “All right. How old were you?”

Clapping her hands together and squealing quietly at the chance to share, Kaylee settled in to tell her story. It was a fond memory; one she hadn’t thought on for a while now, but still a nice one all the same. “I was fourteen.”

Simon willed his eyes not to widen, but he couldn’t help it; it had taken him by surprise. “What?” she asked, noting his look. “It ain’t like I wasn’t in love with the boy.”

“Nothing,” Simon murmured. Clearing his throat he said, “Please, go on.”

With a sigh, Kaylee’s tone grew wistful. “He was real nice, a year or so older than me. His name was Tom. We was sweeties all summer long.”

“What happened to him?” Simon asked quietly, wondering what possessed him to ask more questions.

Shrugging lightly, Kaylee said, “He broke my heart. We slept together right at the end o’ the summer, ‘fore school started, an’ he found a new girl, an older one.” Kaylee swallowed past the memory of the heartache; the sex was the fond part of her remembrance, Tom’s actions after the fact were not.

“I’m sorry,” Simon said quietly, noting another expression on her features, this one laced with just a bit of pain.

Shaking her head to clear it, Kaylee slid off the counter and sauntered towards him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought her mouth to within an inch of his and said quietly, “T’weren’t nothin’. ‘Sides it was quite a while ago.” Brushing a light kiss across his lips, she murmured, “Your turn.”

Swallowing thickly as Kaylee kissed him again, Simon asked cautiously, “What do you mean? You already know I was sixteen.”

“Well yeah.” Kaylee’s breath was hot against his skin, causing a delightful shiver to race down his spine as her moist lips brushed along his cheek and over to his ear. “But I don’t know who it was with.”

Feeling his body responding to her arousing touch, Simon wrapped his arms firmly around her and pressed her against him. Kaylee gasped slightly as she felt his growing arousal brush against her thigh, her eyes widening with desire as Simon’s hands trailed up her arms and to her face, cradling her cheeks before he kissed her fiercely, his tongue driving into her mouth.

Wrapping her arms around him tighter, Kaylee leaned against him, the slight rub of her groin against his causing him to moan into her mouth. As they parted for air and Simon began to kiss along her jaw and down her neck, he murmured, “You don’t really care, do you?”

Kaylee’s head fell back as Simon’s lips and tongue found the exact right spot and began to lavish attention there. Wondering what exactly the question had been, Kaylee managed to murmur, “Nope.”

Smiling against her skin, Simon bit down ever-so-lightly on her soft flesh, causing a small whimper of delight to escape her lips, before he backed away with difficulty. Pouting as she refocused her gaze on him, Kaylee’s eyes again lit with delight as Simon took her hand and led her from the room to the relative privacy of his bunk.

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Eighteen years.

Six thousand, five hundred and seventy days.

One hundred fifty seven thousand, six hundred and eighty hours.

Eighteen years.

They were just numbers, random integers that added up to mean something in the grand scheme of the ‘verse, but when broken down into their base elements meant almost nothing.

Not to River anyway.

She’d been on the bridge for a few hours now, curled into the pilot’s chair that had become a second home for her in the months since Miranda. She liked the bridge and the chair, it was comfortable and familiar and warm. Sometimes she could feel Wash there, his spirit, hear his laughter and it warmed her heart.

He wasn’t here now and she was kind of disappointed. She had hoped he might visit for her birthday.

With a sigh, she rested her chin on her knees as she pulled them into her chest and stared out the window, feeling her brother’s concerned presence approaching … his concerned and well-satisfied presence. With a small shake of her head, River smirked a bit, realizing that soon Simon and Kaylee’s lovemaking would bring them an unexpected surprise. She had thought about telling him, but then decided, especially after his attitude towards her today to keep that secret to herself.

“Mei mei?”

“Still a virgin, Simon,” she murmured, not bothering to turn and face him. “You can go back to Kaylee now.”

With a sigh, Simon entered the bridge and sat in the empty co-pilot’s seat, studying his sister’s profile. She wouldn’t look at him which didn’t really surprise him and he could tell, based on the dejected look in her eyes, that she was still upset. “I deserved that,” he admitted quietly.

“Yes, you did,” she said firmly, swiveling in her chair to look at him. Narrowing her eyes at him, she added, “Deserve worse maybe too.”

Simon met her fiery look for a moment and then began softly, “River, I’m sorry for the way I reacted this afternoon.” As she rolled her eyes at him, Simon affirmed, “I am. I should have handled it better. I just …”

Losing his nerve, Simon again dropped his eyes to the decking. How could he possibly explain to his brilliant sister that he, her brilliant brother, refused to accept the reality that she was an adult and capable of making her own decisions? Simon knew he was being completely irrational and he had no idea how to justify it.

“Concerned about me, Simon,” River said quietly, interrupting his thoughts. As he returned his eyes to her face, she smiled sadly and said, “Want to protect me, but you can’t. Want to be sure I don’t get broken again.”

“Yes,” Simon breathed. Moving from the chair, he knelt before her and reached for her hands. Squeezing them tightly, he said, “Mei mei, I don’t want you to be hurt, not again. I don’t want you to suffer through the pain or rejection that can come from loving from someone, from sharing something so intimate and so special with them.”

“But that’s part of living, Simon,” River reminded him, her gaze softening as she recognized the protectiveness in his eyes. “I was dead for so long, lost to the ‘verse, lost to you, but I’m alive now. And I want to feel, all of it, pain, happiness, joy, love.” Reaching out a cool hand to his face, she added, “Like you. Like what you have with Kaylee.” As he searched for a counter-argument, River asked, “Don’t you want that for me?”

“Of course I do,” Simon answered quickly. “But more importantly I want you to-“

“Stay your baby sister,” she finished for him. Shaking her head sadly, she told him, “Simon, I’ll always be your baby sister. I’ll always be your mei mei, but you have your own life now and I deserve that too.”

Holding her gaze for a second more, Simon tugged gently on her hands and pulled her to him, wrapping her tightly in his embrace. “I’m not trying to deny you that, mei mei. It just terrifies me to think of you getting hurt.”

With another small sigh, River told him, “I thought you understood now.” As he pulled back from her, his brow furrowing slightly, River continued. “Not all love equals pain. I thought Kaylee had taught you that.”

His cheeks flushing at her words, he realized she was right. Kaylee had taught him that, over and over again. She had made Simon realize that love could mean undeniable joy; that falling for someone so completely and losing oneself in them could be more freeing than anything else. It was a lesson that had railed against everything Simon had experienced before meeting the bright mechanic, but it was one that he learned gladly.

“You’re right, River,” Simon said firmly, cupping her cheek in his hand. “Kaylee did teach me that.” Frowning at her, he said, “Jayne, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.”

Giggling softly, River told him, “I know he annoys you, Simon. But we’re on a ship in the middle of space. It’s not like I have a lot of choice.”

His frown deepening, Simon straightened up and leaned against the console facing her. “And the fact that he’s your only option shouldn’t be the reason you’re so eager to sleep with him.” Dropping his voice, he told her, “You should wait, River, for when it’s right.”

“Because you didn’t,” River said softly, regretting the words the minute they were out. It was a painful memory for Simon, and the primary one Kaylee’s presence and love had managed to banish from his mind. Looking up at him with baleful eyes she murmured, “Sorry.”

Smiling sadly to her, Simon shook his head slightly to dislodge the memory and said, “I was young and undeniably naïve, River. I didn’t wait and it wasn’t right and it was a choice I regretted for a long while.”

“And now?” River asked, guessing she knew the answer, but even some of Simon’s emotions were inaccessible to her.

“It’s part of my past and something I have had to make peace with,” he told her. “Besides, I have Kaylee now and as you so delicately pointed out she’s shown me a whole other side to being in love.”

“The right side,” River affirmed, reaching forward and squeezing his hand.

Smiling to her, Simon leaned forward and pressed a kiss into her hair. “Exactly.” Pulling back from her, he said quietly, “I am sorry that our lives right now don’t lend to you having a normal social life. I remember you at those parties, before the Academy.” An even wider grin spread across Simon’s face even as River grimaced at the thought. “You were the belle of the ball.”

“Those boys were stiff and egomaniacal,” River told him, her nose wrinkling with disgust. “That was one thing I didn’t miss when I went away.”

Chuckling lightly, Simon kissed her again, this time on the cheek and told her, “I love you, mei mei.”

“Love you,” she told him. He held her gaze for a minute more and River felt his love for her ebb as his thoughts were again consumed with Kaylee. Rolling her eyes slightly in mock annoyance, River waved him towards the door. “Go, be with Kaylee.”

Frowning at her, Simon said, “I was going to stay. So we could talk more.”

Giving him one of her “who-do-you-think-you’re-kidding” looks, River told him, “Not quite.” As Simon’s face flushed, he cleared his throat and then sheepishly stepped past her, heading for the exit. Just as his foot hit the first step, he paused and called, “Happy Birthday, River.”

Grinning to him, River turned to watch him go, wondering if maybe she shouldn’t mention something about being careful. Shrugging lightly, River looked back to the stars figuring that everything did happen for a reason – even surprises.

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Mal found Jayne working out, pressing a ton of weight and sweating profusely. Circling the larger man’s workbench, Mal regarded him in silence, listening to his heavy exhalations as he completed his latest round of reps. It had been four days since River’s birthday and to Mal’s knowledge River had not shown one bit of interest in the mercenary since. But still …

“Can I help you, Mal?” Jayne asked, sitting up and wiping the sweat from his face and arms with a dirty towel.

Frowning at him and affixing his best captain-y scowl to his features, he stepped forward and said, “No, actually, I think I can help you.”

Skeptical, Jayne eyed him as he rose and began stretching his arms. “Oh yeah,” he grunted. “How’s that?”

“I’m gonna give ya a piece o’ advice,” Mal told him evenly, stepping even closer. As the merc noticed the no-nonsense scowl on the man’s features and remembered that the last time he’d seen it the other man had almost spaced him, Jayne swallowed thickly and perked up his ears.

Noting that he had his full attention, Mal said, “You are not, ever, under any circumstance to sleep with River. You got me?”

“Aww hell, Mal,” Jayne whined, backing away and changing out his weights. “I ain’t got no interest in that bony, crazy thing.”

“Jayne.” At the warning tone, he turned back again to face his captain and again felt just a bit uncomfortable. “I mean it. I don’t care if she crawls into your bed, naked and beggin’, you are not to touch her, kiss her, sleep with her, none of it.”

Approaching the man, Mal allowed his chin to jut out just a bit, his expression deadly serious as he said, “And if you do, if you have a moment of weakness an’ decide you need to satisfy some manly urge, you will end up in the Preacher’s very special hell. And I will be the one to kick start your journey.”

In spite of all his bluster, Jayne found himself completely speechless as Mal stared him down and then finally asked, “Dong ma?”

Nodding dumbly, Jayne watched the other man walk away, standing frozen at his weight bench for a long minute. That gorram crazy girl was going to be the death of him yet, he just knew it.

“Don’t want to kill you, Jayne.”

He tensed as her quiet voice floated down to him from the catwalk above. Despite his better judgment, he glanced up, seeing her lithe form and long hair silhouetted by one of the bright lights above, giving her an angelic glow. Swallowing thickly again, but for a whole other reason, Jayne did not say a word as River slowly descended the stairs and came to stand in front of him, her pert breasts brushing lightly against his chest.

“It wouldn’t be any fun if I killed you,” she told him coyly and then, placing one finger on his chest, ran it down to the waistband of his pants before she trailed away, swinging her hips suggestively as she went.

Gulping for air, Jayne waited until she was out of sight and then ran up the nearest set and stairs and headed for his bunk. River stood in the shadows of the common room, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her giggles. No, she wasn’t going to sleep with Jayne, but teasing him would be almost as satisfying.

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Chapter 3