A/N: Hi all! This is a fic that's been collecting dust on my hard drive for a while now, so I thought I'd share.

There are five chapters total, all written so it will probably all be posted within a week! Enjoy!

River’s face was glowing, lit from below by the bright candles. Her smile was more radiant than Simon could remember seeing in a long while and he returned the wide grin as the rest of the crew finished their off-key rendition of “The Birthday Song.”

As it wound to an end Kaylee, sitting at Simon’s side and holding his hand tightly, told the younger woman, “C’mon River, blow out the candles an’ make a wish.”

With an even bigger grin and a devilish twinkle in her wide, brown eyes, River pulled her hair back and bent her mouth close to the small flames. Closing her eyes for a moment, the crew watched in anticipation as her lips moved silently, obviously reciting some kind of want for her eighteenth year, before she puffed out a big breath, dimming all of the ten candles at once.

“Good job, lil’ one,” Mal nodded approvingly. “’Course if’n you’d had eighteen candles, I ain’t so sure you could it done it with just one breath.”

“Oh, I don’t know Captain,” Simon drawled, his eyes dancing as his sister shot him a look, fully aware of what he would say. “She is full of hot air.”

More laughter echoed through the room, as Kaylee moved to River’s side and helped her dish out pieces of the protein-based cake. It was fairly similar to the one she had baked for Simon all those months ago, except that the frosting was just a bit more chocolately-tasting on account of a recent stop on Persephone.

Easy banter encompassed them all, but it was Kaylee’s next question and River’s subsequent answer that brought the conversation to a halt. “So, sweetie,” Kaylee asked innocently, licking her fingers of the excess frosting and moving back to Simon’s side. “What’d ya wish for?”

Raising her gaze from her plate, River froze, a forkful of cake in her mouth as her eyes darted around the table. Slowly pulling the now clean utensil from her lips she chewed slowly and carefully, her lips spreading into a small, sly grin that immediately made Simon uncomfortable. Whatever it was, he just knew it was somehow going to embarrass him.

Scrambling for a reason for River to remain silent, Simon said quickly, “Well, she can’t tell now, can she? Or it won’t come true.”

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee glanced to him and said, “That ain’t so an’ you know it.” With gleaming eyes she looked back to the birthday girl and encouraged, “River tell us.”

Her sly grin deepening and causing Simon’s stomach to do an uncomfortable flip, River’s eyes roamed the table. Sitting back in her seat, she met Kaylee’s excited gaze. “Well, it’s kind of private.”

Leaning forward, the young mechanic acted as if they were the only two at the table. “Yeah. And?”

Looking to her brother with a giggle perched on her lips she said, “I think it might make Simon uncomfortable.”

Rising abruptly, Simon said, “All right, who wants more cake?”

Tugging on his hand, Kaylee pulled him back into his chair with a big smile and a kiss. “You won’t mind now, will ya honey?” Completely incapable of saying no to Kaylee, especially when she was sitting so close, Simon simply swallowed thickly and waited, dread coiling in his gut as he shook his head no.

With a satisfied smirk, Kaylee looked back to River and said, “See? So now you gotta say.”

Nodding once, River found the rest of the crew looking to her with eagerness. Even Jayne had stopped eating his slice of cake to hear what she had to say. Sitting up tall, she looked back to her brother and said firmly, “I wished to have sex.”

Choking on the bite of cake he had foolishly taken before she spoke, Simon’s wide eyes and instant protest were met by a similar one from Mal. Taking a quick gulp of water, he said firmly, “Mei mei, that is … I mean …” Stammering, he had no idea what to even say to that.

As he looked for ways to deny his sister something he had no right to try and control, River’s brown eyes simply grew a bit harder, her arms crossed firmly over her chest, her chin raised a bit in defiance. Finally at a loss, and trying to ignore the snickers coming from Kaylee and Jayne, Simon blurted, “You’re too young.”

“Older than you,” River retorted. “You were only sixteen when-“

“Okay, that’s enough,” Simon shouted, hoping to drown her out and simultaneously deter Kaylee from asking the question that was she was obviously dying to voice at his sister’s revelation.

Rising quickly from his chair, it fell to the deck with a loud clang as silence descended on the room. Simon and River held each other’s stares, locked in a battle of wills that neither sibling had any intention of backing down from. Mal simply glanced to Inara, the Companion doing her best to hide a demure smile behind one delicate hand, while Mal tried to think of anything else other than River, or Simon for that matter, having sex. Zoe could only grin, leaning back in her seat and taking in the family squabble, while Jayne fixed both of the core-bred dandies with a leering look. He certainly wouldn’t mind making River’s wish come true – the girl was probably as much of a hellion in bed as she was in a fight. And it’d been a ruttin’ long time since he’d been with a woman.

Picking up on this lewd thought, River’s gaze immediately shot to Jayne, a coy smile turning up her lips. “Oh, I am,” she told him, her voice dropping an octave and causing the mercenary’s eyes to widen as his pants grew a bit uncomfortable.

Rising as abruptly as Simon, causing his own chair to hit the deck, Jayne cleared his throat loudly and then growled, “I’ll be in my bunk,” before turning and heading out the room.

River’s sweet voice stopped him. “What’s so important you have to leave my party?”

Turning back to her with a burning look, Jayne bit out, “Nothin’, lil’ one.”

Pouting and causing Jayne to feel an uncontrollable need to bolt from the room, River said, “Well, why don’t you stay then?”

As all eyes in the room turned to Jayne, filled with a mixture of curiosity and amusement, Jayne scowled even more fiercely and told her, “Mind your own business, girl.”

“Could be my business,” she answered, another smile on her face as she watched Jayne grow more and more aroused. “I’m sure I could help.”

As Mal and Simon shared an uncomfortable look, both of them understanding exactly what wasn’t being said between the other two crewmen, Jayne continued to stare at River. Glancing to the uneducated brute, Simon saw a flash of something untoward in his gaze and took a step forward. “Don’t even think about it,” he growled, getting the merc to shoot him an annoyed look.

With a frustrated groan, Jayne turned and practically ran from the room and to his bunk without another word, leaving a very confused group in his wake. All except for River, who simply turned back to her cake and took another bite.

Simon, his eyes darting after the mercenary and then back to his sister, dropped his chin to his chest with a heavy sigh and sat back down. “Not him, mei mei,” he begged. “Promise me, not him.”

“Yeah, I’ll second that lil’ one,” Mal chimed in, getting an odd look from Inara. “You don’t want none o’ that.”

Shrugging, River flashed Kaylee a grin that the young girl eagerly returned as she continued nonchalantly, “I don’t know, he is pleasing to the eye. Strong, well-muscled, tall …” River let her voice take on a wistful tone, noting the way Simon and Mal’s faces were paling while Zoe, Inara and Kaylee continued to struggle to contain their laughter. Looking back to her brother, she told him matter-of-factly, “He is larger than me, if hand and shoe size are an indicator, but my body will adjust.”

His eyes widening to a point that should have caused them to bug out of his head, Simon sputtered incoherently for a moment, shooting Mal a look of sheer terror, praying that the captain would support him in putting an end to this madness. “River, this is a completely – inappropriate – discussion to be having at the dinner table,” he scolded her, trying to hide his absolute disgust at the thought of his sister copulating with the ape-man. “Jayne is wrong for you for a whole bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with – size,” he ground out, casting an annoyed look in her direction.

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Kaylee added, doing her best to help and realizing too late it was impossible. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.” Glancing to River, she leaned forward and told her with a wink, “An’ shoe size ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.”

As Simon’s face paled even further, Inara interjected. “River, you really should learn from someone more understanding than Jayne. Your first time should be special.”

Mal’s eyes widened in disbelief as he cast his gaze towards Inara. “What exactly’s that supposed to mean?”

Giving Mal her own puzzled look, she shrugged and said, “I’m just saying that it’s very common practice for Companions to be used in instances of losing one’s virginity. Perhaps it is something River would be interested in.”

“Are you offerin’?” Mal snorted, getting a cold glare from Inara the minute the words were out.

Staring him down for a minute, she leaned towards him, the rest of the eyes at the table fixed on them and said, “If I was, there wouldn’t be anything you could say about it, now would there?”

Reeling as if he’d been slapped, Mal’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly for several moments before he finally rose quickly. Scowling to his new pilot, he wagged a finger at her and warned, “No sleepin’ with Jayne, lil’ one or I might have to space ya both.” Turning on his heel he stormed from the room.

“For once, I agree with Mal,” Simon added, getting another roll of the eyes from River and Kaylee. “Not Jayne, mei mei. Anyone but Jayne.”

Rising, River told him, “I’m an adult now, Simon. Can’t tell me what to do, what to eat, how to dress, who to have sex with.” He actually winced at this last statement. “Eighteen today and that means I get to choose.” And with her head held high River left the rest of the startled crew in her wake.

Simon watched her go, trying to determine if he should follow her – of course, what exactly was he going to say? Sitting heavily in his chair, his eyes studied the table before him as he realized that things between he and his sister were about to get a whole lot more complicated.

Feeling Kaylee’s hand wrap around his, he looked to her with a tight smile, his mouth going dry as he recognized a familiar gleam in her eyes. “So,” she said quietly, leaning towards him, her breath warm against his cheek. “Sixteen, huh?”

With a frustrated groan Simon stormed from the room, leaving the three women to stare after him, all of them only beginning to laugh riotously once they were sure he was out of earshot. Clutching their stomachs and wiping happy tears from their eyes, Kaylee, Inara and Zoe were still hiccupping as Kaylee called, “You can come back now, sweetie.”

River, an equally wide grin on her features, skipped back into sight and flounced down at her place at the table. Noting the happy expressions on everyone’s faces, she reached for another slice of cake, humming to herself.

“Oh, River, that was priceless,” Inara breathed, struggling to catch her breath. Her stomach ached, she was laughing so hard. “Truly.”

“I knew Simon’d be all uptight, but that,” Kaylee said, pointing in the direction her boyfriend had gone, “Was beyond anythin’ I could o’ imagined.”

“Yeah, an’ the Jayne bit, that was a great bit o’ improv, lil’ one,” Zoe added, wiping at her own eyes as a few more happy tears formed.

Freezing mid-bite, River passed her eyes over all of them and said, “Who says I was improvising?”

This sobered the other three women instantly as River smiled to them all, clearly amused with herself. “He is fairly pleasing to the eye,” she told them again. “A bit smelly maybe, but that can be easily remedied.”

Shooting a quick glance to Inara, Kaylee leaned towards the birthday girl and said, “River, sweetie, I ain’t sure that’s such a good idea.”

“He is willing,” River told her, her expression again growing serious. “I can tell.”

“Yeah, well that ain’t much of a surprise,” Zoe cut in. “As long as you gotta pulse, Jayne’s willin’.”

Noting the young woman’s expression growing more distressed, Inara reached for her hand and said, “River, we’re not trying to tell you what to do, we just want you to fully understand what you’d be committing to.”

“I understand,” River told her, rising with her cake plate in hand. Holding each of their gazes for a second more, she murmured, “Just as bad as Simon,” before exiting the room.

As the three women watched her go they all felt a bit of guilt, knowing it had been their insistence that had caused the entire scene. And while it had started out as a hilarious gag each of them now wondered just what exactly they had started.

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TBC