I see them watching me. Like they're concerned. Like they know how I feel. They don't. Not even the captain. I see the looks Jayne gives me. Willing me with his eyes to be my old self again. That person no longer exists.

I'm half a person without Wash. I wish Mal had possessed the understanding to let me die beside my husband. I wish Jayne would have just shot me when the reavers stormed our position instead of dragging me back behind the line.

Through some sick rutting twist of fate, I was left to live while my love went on to god knows where. I've been considering taking the right action myself. But I know how Wash would feel about that, and so I refuse to do it.

So, because the 'verse doesn't posses the virtue of mercy, I'm stuck walking around a world I no longer belong in.

I do my job, and I always will. But the day I die is the day I'll feel whole again.

*****

I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, there might be a way to save Zoë. I'm not completely sure yet. But It's a feeling I have.

IF the right man steps up to the task, she'll become more of herself again. He thinks about her every second of every day. About how he could possibly heal her. No one believe his intentions are honorable. But most people don't know who he really is. I do, and I know the moment approaches where he'll no longer be able to take seeing her the way she is.

To make her see that there's a reason to live, he'll do anything. And the time is coming where he'll have to prove that to her.