Not Mine : All the characters and little plot references belong to Joss and Co. Just a Note : *** = flashback or scene skip

***** Mal’s voice dropped to the tone that made something inside her flutter, “Inara, I ain’t lookin’ for nothin’ from you,” he told her as he took hold of the pole and swung around to within inches of her. He lowered his hand to stroke his fingertips along the railing beside her, “I’m just feelin’ kinda truthsome right now, and I..” She swallowed, falling prey to the image of his fingertips stroking along her skin, and damned her all too vivid imagination as she returned to the sound of his voice, “...Life’s just too damn short for ifs and maybes.” From deep within her Inara found her voice to respond, “I learned something from Nandi, not just from what happened, but from her. The family she made, the strength of her love for them, it’s what kept them together.” She felt naked before him, stripped bare by the depth of emotion in his voice , left to stand before the Captain without her practiced guard, she feared her true feeling were now all too clear to him. She slowly lifted her dark eyes to face him, “When you live with that kind of strength you get tied to it. You can’t break away, and you never want to.” Mal’s hand tightened it’s grip on the cold railing beside him. A noose, not dissimilar to the invisible one causing a lump in his throat and stealing his breath. “There’s something I should have done a long time ago,” she said softly, “And I’m sorry for both of us that it took me this long...I’m leaving.” She turned from him, tears welling in her eyes and walked away, leaving him rooted to his position without the strength to call after her.*****

****************************************************************************

Inara folded her arms, wrapping her golden robe around her ivory floor length nightgown as the memory returned to her. She could see the heartache in his eyes all over again. Caused by her. She hadn’t meant it as retribution for her own pain, caused by the realization that he’d been with Nandi-or had she? She shook her head, tossing her dark curls. She had no desire to recreate a vision of their one night stand. Leave it to the sly Nandi to steal from her the one man she wanted most. She wrung her hands together nervously as she caught her reflection in the vanity mirror. In truth she had only herself to blame for not telling Mal of her growing affection for him. Suddenly she felt trapped, confined within the shadows and velvet walls of her shuttle, and she moved to her metal door, desperate to escape.

******************************************************************************

Mal swung his legs over the side of his bunk and sat up in the darkness, his sleep robbed again by the haunting dream. She brought life to him and slew him within a single breath, confessing her love, then declaring her intent to leave. He lifted his hand behind his neck and rubbed his bare, aching shoulder. He leaned his head back against the cold wall behind him and rubbed his tired eyes. He had survived the gorram war, and he never thought another image would haunt him as deeply as that scarred, blood stained battlefield. He was wrong. He closed his sea blue eyes and saw her face, breathtaking and beautiful, her heartache, her dark eyes full of a love that he hadn’t allowed himself to see. He stood, slid his boots on, and wearing only his pants he ascended from his bunk.

****************************************************************************** Mal found refuge as he walked Serenity’s halls, listening to her comforting creaks and clanks. He slowly made his way past the crew’s bunks, not wanting to answer to anyone at this hour. He descended the staircase into the cargo bay, and his eyes met hers as she glanced up at the sound of his footsteps. “Inara, is everythin’ alright?” he asked her as he ran a hand through his hair to straighten it. She nodded and fumbled with the silken ties of her robe, “Yes, thank you, I just, I couldn’t sleep. Are you making your rounds?” she asked. Each of the crew was aware of Mal’s habit of walking the ship late at night. “Somethin’ like that,” he told her as he stepped down to the platform where she was. His eyes fell on her softly made up face and he grinned. Only Inara would wear make up to bed. Her dark curls fell in a loose cascade around her shoulders and her nearly sheer gown revealed the curves of her hourglass figure even through her thin robe. For a moment his mind drifted to the image of her in his bunk, her bare golden flesh warm next to his, her lips parted in a sweet, shy smile. In the half light Inara’s eyes drifted over him, admiring his strong shoulders and the hard planes of his bare chest, and suddenly she blushed like a school girl as he caught her staring. She turned away shyly and folded her arms over the railing and glanced out over the vast cargo bay below. “She looks so big from up here,” she said wistfully. He laughed warmly and leaned back beside her, resting his elbows on the railing, “That’s just cuz’ she’s so empty darlin’.” Inara shook her head and her curls bounced on her shoulders, “That’s not the way I meant it,” she told him quickly, “Don’t worry. You’ll have cargo again soon enough, Mal. I have faith in you.” “Really?” he asked her with a grin, “I’m all manner of flattered ‘Nara, but you might wanna invest your faith elsewhere. Things ain’t goin’ too good for us right now.” She tilted her gaze upward to study the lines of his face as she spoke, “Zoe tells me you might have a buyer lined up for the Lassiter...” She jumped slightly as he turned to her, “Have you told her?” he asked, more harshly than he’d meant to, “Or what about Kaylee? Do they know you’re leavin’?” He felt guilty as she visibly winced at the tone of his voice. “I..no,” she managed as she recovered from his abrasive tone, “I wanted to have definite plans.” “And do you?” he asker her, the edge gone from his voice. She sank down onto the top steps nearby and he followed her and sat beside her, their elbows brushing gently. “Yes,”she said in a whisper, “I’ve been in contact with an old friend, a fellow Companion by the name of Sheydra. She is residing at the Training House on Sihnon.” Mal felt his throat tighten again and he nodded his understanding, “Back on your home planet.” She forced a weak smile, “Yes, the seasons can be harsh there, but the planet itself is beautiful. The cities are as breathtaking as the mountains and shores. She’s asked me to come and move into the House. I’d be given a room, and I’d be teaching the younger girls there.” “In your...art?” he asked in a voice he barely recognized as his own. She nodded, deeply touched that he’d avoided using the word ‘whoring’. She turned to him, and her lip trembled slightly as she gave voice to what had been troubling her, “Mal, I’m still not certain what I should do...” He smiled at her, “Yes you are. You ain’t the type that needs to be told what to do. You never have been.” He lifted his fingertips to cup her chin beneath her still scarred lip, this time she didn’t withdraw from his reach. “‘Nara, I can’t ask you to stay,” he told her softly, “I won’t place you in any more danger than I already have on account a’a selfish desire to keep you near me. This is your choice darlin’, it has to be.” She nodded sadly, all of this she already knew. It was her choice. A single tear cascaded down her rose colored cheek, “Will you be alright, Mal?” He gave her a shy grin and wiped away her tears with his thumb as he caressed her cheek, “Sure, darlin’. I got nothin’ left to lose.” He leaned in, until his breath danced warm on her skin and he kissed her softly on her cheek. All in one moment what had seemed so difficult for him to express in the past year had suddenly become so clear and easy. He did the one thing he’d wanted to do since the day she walked onto his ship. Without hesitation he lowered his lips to hers and took her in a tender, open mouthed kiss. The coarse Captain’s mouth was surprisingly soft against hers, and Inara surrendered to him, caressing his lower lip with her tongue. He clutched her shoulders and pulled her to him with a powerful need that made Inara tremble in his arms. Her fingertips grazed his bare chest drawing invisible lines of fire across his skin as her soft breasts pressed against his hard body. She let out a helpless gasp as he pulled away from her all too suddenly, leaving her breathless and confused. He realized too late that he had lost himself in the moment. Unable to voice an apology for an act he wasn’t entirely sorry for, Mal stood beside her and climbed the stairs back towards his bunk, leaving her alone without a backwards glance. When she was certain he had gone Inara pulled her knees up and broke down, burying her face in her sleeves as her fragile frame shook with each choked sob.

*****************************************************************************

Wash made his way across the expanse of the bridge, a familiar path that he could walk with his eyes closed. He approached the slumped form in the pilot’s chair and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Mal woke with a start and his blurred vison focused on the bright God awful pattern on Wash’s Hawaiian shirt. He rubbed his forehead, but the low pounding would not subside. He took hold of the armrests and pushed himself back up into a sitting position. “Rough night, Cap?” Wash asked with a sideways grin, “Time to join the rest of the verse’ there buddy.” Mal blinked as the flashing lights on the console lit up the slight stubble on his cheek, “Is it morning?” he asked dryly. Wash leaned back against the console and studied his friend, “You okay, Mal? You don’t look so good.” “I haven’t been sleeping,” Mal confessed without elaboration. He stood up slowly and stretched his legs as the feeling returned to them. And I’ve lost her, he thought to himself as the image of her face returned to him. She’s already gone. Wash sank down into his chair, “Sorry to hear that, Sir,” he said as he adjusted the fronds of his plastic palm tree, “You wanted to see me?” Mal rubbed his chin and sighed, “Yeah, I did. We’re changing course.” “To what?” Wash asked, “Or should I say to where?” “Sihnon,” Mal answered as he made his way to the staircase leading down from the bridge. “Why? Exciting new crime?” Wash called after him. “Just do it, Wash,” Mal answered dryly without looking back.

*****************************************************************************

Zoe laughed warmly as she cut off another slice of her apple and watched Simon turn a shade redder than the fresh fruit in her hand. “Do we have to discuss this at breakfast? ” Simon asked with a sigh. Kaylee grinned and took a sip of the cider before her, “As good a time as any,” she said as she turned her attention back to River who was listening intently to the pretty mechanic. “Then you just lean in,” she explained, “And you press your lips to his and the rest just sorta happens.” “What about the rest?” River asked with a tilt of her head. Simon covered his face with both hands and Zoe nudged him, “Your little sister’s just learnin’ the ways of love, doc. Gotta happen sooner or later.” “Please make it stop,” Simon begged as Kaylee leaned over to whisper into River’s tangled waves of hair. The young girl’s brown eyes grew wide and her pretty face scrunched up into a look of disgust as Kaylee giggled in her hair. “Whatsa’ matter, little girl?” Jayne asked as he collapsed roughly into his chair and stabbed an apple with his knife, “You don’t want some guy’s tongue down your throat?” “Jayne ” Zoe cried as she bit back a laugh at the look on Simon’s face. Simon gagged and glared at the mercenary, “Could you not say that to my little sister ever again? ” Jayne shrugged, “All I’m sayin’ is we’re free to talk bout’ sexin’ since the Shepard ain’t here no more.” “It ain’t about just the sexin’, Jayne,” Kaylee said with a glare. “Says who?” Jayne asked. “Don’t listen to him,” Kaylee said as she turned back to River, “There’s an art to it...ain’t that so, Inara?” she asked the Companion as she entered the dining room. Inara shook herself out of her daze, “Hmm?” she managed, unaware of the conversation. “I done told you how it is girl,” Jayne huffed, “Ain’t no art to it.” “I’m askin’ Inara ” Kaylee said with a shooting glare at Jayne, “You ain’t never known no romance anyway..” “Askin’ ‘Nara what?” Wash asked as he entered the room and kissed the top of Zoe’s head. Mal entered the room and glanced around at his crew, almost completely unaware of his presence save for Inara who cast him a fleeting, pain filled glance. He turned his eyes away from her and poured himself a cup of hot tea from the stove. Kaylee pressed on, blind to the exchange between the Captain and Companion, “‘Nara, ain’t there an art to kissin’ just like there is to love makin’?” Inara didn’t answer at first, and she fell into the memory of Mal’s lips warm, and insistent on hers, “Kaylee, I don’t, the truth is I rarely kiss my clients. Almost never, actually.” “How come?” Kaylee asked. “Because she’d be thinking of someone else,” River chimed, “Might even say his name instead.” Inara’s face flushed in the heat of the tea cup she held near her lips. She lowered it without taking a sip and found her voice. She cast a heartbroken glance to Mal and their eyes met for a moment, “There’s something I need to tell you all...” she managed. Her lower lip trembled as she watched Mal lower his tin cup to the counter and abandon the room. Her eyes remained fixed upon the space he’d just occupied as the words fell from her lips. Mal drifted aimlessly into the corridor and he placed a hand on Serenity’s wall as he heard Kaylee’s sob of disbelief before he was halfway down the hall.

******************************************************************************

Serenity was gracefully docked, and her crew gathered on the platform where a smaller transport shuttle awaited to carry Inara to the Training House nestled in the Sihnon mountainside. All her bags and trunks had been loaded onboard, and all that remained was the impossible task of saying goodbye. With a heavy sigh Inara turned from the waiting shuttle to face her friends. River was already crying, her slender shoulders heaving beneath the weight of each gasp and sob. Simon held his sister close in an attempt to comfort her. Next to the Tams an unusually somber Wash had his arms around the waist of an even more somber Zoe, her eyes already swollen from the tears she’d cried in private. A lump rose in Inara’s throat as she turned to Kaylee who was sobbing inconsolably with her tear stained face buried in Jayne’s chest. Much to Inara’s surprise Jayne was actually making an attempt at comforting her. “Shh, little one,” he whispered softly as he patted her hair awkwardly, “Stop makin’ a fuss.” With great effort she brought herself to look Mal in the eyes, and saw her own heartache mirrored in his face. Dear God, she loved him. Not for the first time she wondered if she was making a mistake in leaving. She lovingly memorized Mal’s handsome, troubled face. No. She’d already aided in the theft of the Lassiter and came to the rescue of a banished Companion. If her Elder Sisters learned she had broken Guild Law to do so they might come after her, or worse, Mal. She’d only be a danger to Serenity’s crew, one more danger than they needed, she thought with a glance to River. Her heart sank as she lost herself in Mal’s gaze. For a mere moment she had almost believed those were her reasons. The truth was she couldn’t be in love with Mal, and he couldn’t be in love with her, not now, and she couldn’t stay on, seeing him and knowing that. Leaving was better for the both of them... She let out a deep sigh, the time had come. She moved to River first and the young girl hugged her with surprising strength. Inara carefully removed one of her gemstone bracelets and placed it on River’s slender wrist. She met Inara’s gaze and smiled, as if she’d just shared a secret with the Companion. Inara kissed River on the cheek and then moved to kiss Simon’s cheek. “You two take care of each other,” she told him softly. Simon nodded, swallowing back the lump in his throat. She moved to Wash whom she hugged warmly before kissing his cheek, “Take care of Zoe,” she managed , “And Serenity, she’ll take you anywhere...” Wash nodded, “Take care, Inara. We’ll miss you.” Inara smiled and turned to Zoe who gathered her in a long embrace. For the first time Inara began to cry, drawing a sob from Zoe, who rarely showed her emotions. “Take care of Mal,” Inara cried into the other woman’s ear, “I love you.” Zoe forced a smile as they parted and touched Inara’s cheek, “You take care of you. I’ve got the Captain’s back.” Mal shuffled his dust covered boots on the platform and felt the noose tightening around his throat again. Inara stood before Jayne who puffed up his chest and cleared his throat, “Bye, ‘Nara,” he said in his best attempt at manly detachment. She smiled through her tears and adopted his gruff tone, “Bye, Jayne,” she said as she lightly touched his arm. Inara wiped the tears from her cheek and turned to Kaylee. She stroked her honey gold hair out of her tear stained face and smiled weakly at her. Kaylee threw herself into Inara’s embrace, “Oh, I’m gonna miss you...” she cried. Mal clutched his belt with both hands and felt a lump rise in his throat. Idiot, ask her to stay, he thought to himself. Inara held Kaylee’s face in her hands, “Oh, mei mei, you’ll be fine. You know exactly where I’ll be, and we can wave each other every day.” She smiled sweetly, “Besides, Mal needs you to take care of Serenity. Nobody can keep her flying like you.” “That’s right,” Mal said in a voice designed to soothe Kaylee and hide the fact that he was falling apart. Kaylee nodded and Inara brushed away the locks of hair across her face to kiss her lovingly on the forehead. She leaned over to whisper in her ear, “You keep pursuing that doctor of yours. He’ll come around.” She smiled at Kaylee who fell back into Jayne’s arms for support and she finally turned to face Mal. She did her best to hold her shoulders high. She wasn’t looking for the Captain to ask her to stay. Deep down she knew he wouldn’t. Mal had too much respect for a person doing what they had to do in life. For a long moment he simply stared at his boots, unable to look at her. Letting her go was proving to be much harder than he’d imagined, “So, this is it...” he managed as he finally met her gaze. The look on his face caused her to lose her practiced composure. Her shoulders fell and she began to cry again, “Oh, Mal, I’m sorry...” He shook his head and went to her, placing his arm around her waist and then pressing a finger to her lips to silence her, “Shh, darlin’, please don’t...you’ll always be welcome to come back, Serenity will always be your home.” She nodded pitifully, “Thank you,” she whispered under his fingertip. He traced her lips as she formed the words, then drew a trembling breath as she kissed his fingertip gently. He lowered his fingertips to stroke her cheek and chin and she nudged her face into his touch. He reached down and took her smaller hand in his and raised it to his lips to kiss the backside tenderly. She drew a shaky breath as he gently opened her hand to kiss the inside of her palm. She moved her hand to his cheek and stroked his lips with her thumb. He wanted to say something-anything-fitting for the time they’d spent together. He parted his lips, but nothing came out. What could he say? Finally only her name fell gently from his lips, “Inara...” Without words she moved into his arms, and he gathered her to him in a tender embrace. Her slender arms drifted around his neck, and she pressed her body against him, filling her curves with his. Her graceful fingertips laced into the back of his hair, and she pulled him to her, and their lips met in a tender, open mouthed kiss. A goodbye. She wilted into his arms like a dying moth, and he pulled her closer as a sorrowful moan escaped his lips into their kiss. He lost his fingertips in the back of her curls as his tongue slipped into her mouth to taste her, for the first, and last, time. She responded, tenderly caressing his tongue with her own, and wrapped both her lips around his lower lip as they parted. She let out a soft cry as his lips left hers, and when they opened their eyes to look at each other he suddenly understood why she didn’t kiss her clients. An artful kiss was better shared by even the most star crossed of lovers, and it was just too damn heartbreaking. She had simply forgotten the fact that they weren’t alone, and the look on Kaylee’s face told her she’d given the crew of Serenity something to talk about. She smiled through her tears and lovingly adjusted the collar of his burgundy shirt. She traced the material with a gentle touch, and he brushed her hair back from her face, “Darlin’, if you need anythin’ at all you know how to reach me.” She nodded as she took his face in her hands one last time. Her fingertips roamed over his strong jaw line, the slight stubble on his cheek, and memorized the feel of him, “I can’t say goodbye to you...” she whispered sadly. “Then don’t, love,” he told her in a voice low enough for only her to hear. Slowly she drifted away from him, fearful that if she lingered she may never leave, “I have to go,” she managed as she blew a kiss to Kaylee. Inara lifted the hem of her skirt as she climbed the steps to the shuttle doorway. Mal took one step forward, then stopped, letting her leave. Inara boarded the transport and found an empty seat near the back. As the shuttle lifted from the deck Serenity her crew faded away below the clouds, and Inara broke down. She covered her face with her hands and cried until no more tears would come. She wiped her sleeve across her cheek and glanced out the window at the valley below. The shuttle’s elderly driver studied her reflection in the rear view mirror, “Can I take you home?” he asked her in a gentle voice. “I just left home,” Inara said softly. She stared at her hands, folded in her lap and quietly gave the man her destination.

******************************************************************************

Serenity.... Six Months Later.....

Mal pressed the control panel to open the shuttle door and felt a burst of cool, stale air from inside. He slowly stepped over the ledge and inside and glanced around at the shadow laden interior. This had become his refuge. The nearly empty shuttle was the only place left on the ship where he could still feel her. He turned on the lantern he’d been carrying and sealed the door behind him. Gone were the elaborate silk and tassel trimmed draperies, replaced only by the green steel beneath. Her extravagant bed was no longer the center piece, a small poorly made cot sat in its place. He moved to the corner of the room and peeled back a woolen tarp to reveal a stack of empty crates and one elegantly carved truck trimmed in dark bronze. His last reminder of her. He discovered it a few weeks after her departure, and though he felt guilty he made no efforts to return it, and instead he had explored its contents. He carefully opened the lid and ran his fingertips over the gown on top. She had possessed an extravagant wardrobe, no doubt, and he’d be hard pressed to remember the details of each outfit, but this dress was etched on his memory. The peach silken gown had been draped over her lovely curves while she sat beside him, sharing Kaylee’s bittersweet engine wine, deep into the night. “Why would I ever want to leave Serenity?” she had asked him. Neither could have predicted then that he would be the reason. He stood up to close the truck lid and stopped when he noticed a tear in the fabric lining the trunk interior. He slipped his fingertips beneath the threads and pulled out a small silver card, a digital capture, that he hadn’t noticed before. He closed the trunk and sat back on the creaking cot and pressed the play button on the capture. The dark screen lit up with the beauty of Inara’s face, her lips formed into a sweet smile, and the image of her went into motion as she spoke, “Kaylee, are you ever going to put that capture down.....”

******************************************************************************

Mal sealed the shuttle door behind him and carefully slid the capture into the pocket of his pants. Wash climbed the steps from the cargo bay below and stopped on the platform next to the Captain. He rubbed the grease from his hands onto a tattered rag and nodded over the railing, “New mule’s gonna work out real nice,” he said with a grin, “Only problem is it’s keepin’ Kaylee outta the engine room.” Mal glanced over the railing and down at the hovercraft below. The only sign of his mechanic was a pair of legs, her pants rolled up to the knees and her flip flops sticking out. “Yeah, well you make sure she don’t go about forgettin to check up on those entry couplings.” Wash nodded, “We pulled it off good, didn’t we? The Lassiter fetched us a pretty penny.” Mal sighed, “Maybe, but the coin didn’t last long. Tell Zoe to contact Fanty and Mingo and tell em’ we’ll take the Lilac job.” Wash nodded with a grin and took the steel stairs by two, and Mal followed up after him. He glanced over his shoulder and spotted River stretched out on the cold steel grating not far from where they had just been standing. He parted his lips to tell her it was a strange place for a nap, then thought better of it, “Ain’t nothin’ too strange for that girl,” he muttered to himself. He glanced back once more at Inara’s shuttle and hoped to himself she was happy, at least one of them deserved to be....

******************************************************************************

Inara stood beneath the shade of the open courtyard’s concrete roof and leaned back against one of the cool pillars surrounding her. Nearby a three tiered fountain splashed a foamy breeze onto her bare arms. The panoramic view before would steal anyone’s breath, but somehow she’d grown immune to it. Only the nights appealed to her, and she spent a great many beneath the blanket of starlight, letting the cool mountain breezes lift the fabric of her sashes and gowns. The young girls admired her grace and beauty and she’d quickly fallen into their favor. Her quarters were breathtaking, and she was granted any amenity she wanted. The dining halls were filled with bountiful buffets and lined with intricately carved cushioned chairs, and she’d have traded it all for a slightly bruised apple and a rickety chair at Serenity’s table. A trinity of bells chimed out signaling the serving of dinner and she glanced once more at the mountain peaks, shrouded in mist on the horizon. She closed her eyes as a passing breeze lifted her ebony curls and she realized she no longer belonged to this world, and nothing in it would make her happy. Mal’s words returned to her, “Serenity, will always be your home.”

******************************************************************************

This made me mad at myself for not letting them stay together! My first post in a while, so comments still welcome.