A/N: And the plot thickens ... at least a little ... Thanks to all who have continued to read and respond. I greatly appreciate all the comments I've received and hope that you can hang in there for more!

Thanks again to Leiasky for the beta!

And don't forget to keep leaving those comments - they keep me writing!

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A NEW BEGINNING, ch. 8: To Dream Perchance to Live

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Inara found Millie in the kitchen just before supper, preparing a bunch of delicious foods. Glad that the woman was alone, the former companion entered the room, rolling up her sleeves. “Can I help?” she asked, startling the woman a bit.

Millie turned to regard her, her face breaking out into a familiar grin as she went back to her work. “Sure, sweetie. Why don’t you go ‘head and start cutting up them veggies,” she instructed, nodding towards the cutting board and knife she had already set out.

Starting her work, Inara was lost in thought as she sliced through another carrot, wondering how she could possibly ask Millie what she’d come here for. The other woman, obviously noting her hesitation, said, “Ya’ll doing all right over there at ‘Rie’s?”

Inara pulled her thoughts from the distant place they had wandered to, and fixed the woman with a polite smile. “Oh yes, of course. Although I think Mimi’s been spending more time over here. She loves to play with your little ones.”

Laughing, Millie answered, “Yeah, well, they all ain’t so little any more, but they always like having new kids ‘round. And how’s that husband o’ yours?” she asked, her eyebrows rising suggestively in Inara’s direction.

Suppressing her own laugh, Inara continued her cutting and answered noncommittally, “Oh, he’s just fine.”

“I’ll say,” Millie added under her breath, causing another stifled giggle to come from Inara.

Finally, feeling more at ease, Inara turned to the woman and asked, “I actually need to ask you for a favor.”

Wiping her hands on the apron at her waist, Millie turned to give the other woman her full attention, her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, shoot.”

Taking a deep breath, Inara said, “I was hoping you might be able to examine me, to see if,” she paused again, glancing concernedly towards the door. She didn’t want a word of this getting out until she was sure. “To see if I might be pregnant.”

Smiling at her, Millie took a few steps towards and clasped her hand. “Well of course, darlin’, I’d be happy to.” Frowning at her, she asked, “But wouldn’t you rather have Simon do it? He is your doctor, for all intents and purposes.”

Inara smiled back, trying to hide her own guilt at going behind the other man’s back. “I know, but he’s been through so much lately and I just …” She trailed off, hoping that Millie would understand.

And she did. “Don’t say another word,” she said, waving her hand and moving back to her work. “Tonight after supper be okay?”

Smiling her gratitude and breathing a sigh of relief, Inara said, “Yes, perfect. Thank you.”

“Think nothin’ of it,” Millie told her. Turning slightly as she heard the slam of the front door and the sound of heavy footsteps, she winked at Inara and said, “I think we better finish our work, ‘fore the mob arrives.”

***

It was a full day before River felt strong enough to face Cadie again. Jayne had not pushed, just glad to again be with his wife, sleeping beside her, but as the hours had ticked by he had been growing more and more anxious. He knew it wasn’t fair to keep alienating the child that way, especially when they both loved her so much.

Jayne went to find her and she reluctantly came with him back to River’s room. She had opened the curtains and was actually sitting up in bed, her hair brushed and away from her face, her eyes open and bright for the first time since they’d arrived on Harvest. As soon as Cadie entered the room, she felt the change and bit her lip, hoping that it would mean good things for her as well.

Once Jayne had brought her inside, he kissed Cadie on the top of the head and gently pushed her towards River. “I’ll see you both in a bit,” he said quietly, winking at River over the top of the girl’s head and exiting the room, shutting the door behind him.

Cadie stood where he’d left her, working her hands nervously in her shirt. She was twisting the fabric around and around and then letting it fall, only to twist it again. River regarded her for a moment, feeling shame that she could have scared the girl so badly and finally, reached out a hand in her direction.

“Come sit with me?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.

Cadie considered her options for a moment and then, hesitantly, headed towards the bed, climbing up onto it and sitting to face her. The silence stayed between them as they both read each other. Truthfully, they really didn’t need to speak at all, there was plenty they could glean and communicate with their minds, but there were also things River knew she needed to tell the girl and Cadie deserved to hear them out loud.

Placing a light hand over one of Cadie’s, River cleared her throat and asked, “Do you know why I’m so upset?”

Cadie nodded once, afraid to speak, afraid she might say or do the wrong thing. River continued. “And you know that Jayne’s hurting too, right?” Again, Cadie nodded, but did not speak.

Sighing, River met the little girl’s gaze and felt tears forming in her eyes. “Well, when I yelled at you the other day that was wrong. I did it because all I could think of for the past few weeks was that image you showed me, a really long time ago. Do you remember that?”

Cadie nodded again and this time did say something. “I’m sorry, mama,” she murmured, her voice rising in pitch along with her anxiety. “I thought that’s what you needed then. I thought it would help you to see it.”

Smiling at her, even as her eyes filled with tears, River said, “I did, Cadie, you were right. You’re very smart. But,” River paused again, trying to banish the image from her mind of that beautiful baby. “But when I got pregnant and knew that I was going to have my own baby, I thought for sure it was meant to be, because of what you’d shown me. So when I lost her-“ She stopped unable to finish as her tears fell and a sob formed in her throat.

Sensing her distress, Cadie inched a bit closer and patted her shoulder comfortingly. Smiling at her, River collected herself, and finished. “So, when I lost her, it just broke my heart, because I had believed, for a really long time, that I would have that little girl some day.”

Cadie’s own eyes had filled with tears, and sniffling a bit, she cast her eyes to the bedspread and said, “I didn’t mean to make you hurt.” Wiping at her tears as they started to fall, she said, “I love you like my ma.”

River cried more now, and pulled the girl against her, wrapping her small form tight to her chest. “And I love you, sweetie,” she reassured her. “I didn’t mean to make you think otherwise. That wasn’t fair. And it wasn’t right for me to take all my pain out on you.”

They both cried together for a while, until Jayne came back to check on them. After a few more minutes of a group hug, they started talking and joking as they had in the past and by the time Simon showed up, he could here laughter coming from the room.

Completely baffled as soon as he turned the corner, the sight before him made his own eyes well with happy tears. His sister was smiling, she was actually smiling, a genuine look of happiness on her face as she and Jayne mercilessly tickled Cadie’s writhing and laughing form. Crossing his arms over his chest, he watched them from the doorway for a bit, smiling himself at the joy he saw there.

Finally, River looked up and noticed him, having known he’d been regarding them for a while. “Hi,” she said simply, her smile fading as she realized that Simon deserved an apology from her as well. She had not been fair to him.

“Hi,” he said quietly, entering the room and circling the bed to sit beside her. Reaching out to check her pulse, he glanced to Jayne and Cadie and nodded at them in greeting.

As Simon continued to study her heart rate, River threw Jayne a look over Cadie’s head. Getting the hint, her husband kissed her hurriedly on the cheek and then hefting Cadie into his arms, swung the girl over his shoulder, eliciting a giggle from her. “Come on, lil’ one. Let’s go get some grub.” And they were gone.

Turning back to her brother, River knew he didn’t want to meet her gaze. But he had too. Placing a light hand against his cheek, she forced his eyes to hers and said, “I’m sorry.”

Sighing heavily, Simon leaned back a bit, placing one hand palm down on the other side of her legs and regarded her calmly. “For what?”

Smiling at him even as more tears came, River told him, “For being an idiot. I should never have pushed you away or made you feel so bad. It wasn’t fair, I just …” She paused, wondering how she could possibly put all the hurt and pain she felt into words. She felt a few tears fall and when she again looked to her brother, she noticed that his own eyes were shining.

“I thought that it would be easier for me if I didn’t have to face your pain and heartache too,” she told him finally, her voice small as her emotions again threatened to overwhelm her. “But I never should have blamed you or yelled at you. That wasn’t fair.”

She was crying hard now, and Simon moved forward to wrap her in a tight embrace. “It’s okay, mei mei, I just wish there was more I could have done, could still do. I never wanted you to have to suffer this.”

“I know, Simon,” she said quietly, swallowing thickly. “But you couldn’t protect me from this and I know that now.” Pulling back from him a bit, she thought about her request from a few days before. “But I think you can help figure out what went wrong.”

His eyes widening, Simon shook his head as he pulled back from her. “River, that’s crazy and you know it.”

Shaking her head at him, River’s face was again full of determination as she said, “Why? Why is it so unbelievable? We don’t know half of what happened to me at that Academy, Simon. Why can’t you believe that those men could have done something that caused this?

Simon opened his mouth to retaliate and shut it just as quickly. He couldn’t believe that it was true because if he did, it would mean that his sister had suffered more than he had ever allowed himself to believe, even on his darkest day, and he didn’t know if he could take that right now. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to face all the pain she’d been through.

“River, why do you want to know?” he finally asked, his voice small and defeated. “It won’t bring her back.”

Tears welling in her eyes, River nodded once as she said, “No. But it’ll put my mind at ease, knowing that I didn’t do anything, that it wasn’t my fault.” As Simon turned pitying eyes to her at the statement, River shook head and told him firmly, “I know what you told me, Simon, but still … I have to know.”

The two siblings sat in silence for a few moments, River still crying her silent tears while Simon watched, feeling more helpless than he had only a few moments before. Sighing heavily, he knew that he couldn’t say no to her. “All right,” he finally admitted. “Tomorrow morning I’ll take a blood sample and start running some tests.”

With a grin, River lunged forward and hugged him, squeezing him tight. “Thank you, Simon,” she whispered into his ear as he held her back. Simon wished he could feel that kind of gratitude and not the dread coiling in his stomach that this whole ordeal was actually going to get worse, before it got better.

***

“All right, darlin’, it’s time to go to sleep,” Mal told his daughter, pulling the covers up to her chin and kissing her lightly on the forehead.

Sighing heavily at the unfairness of it all, she pouted at him and said, “How come I gotta sleep?”

Smiling at her, Mal brushed some of her dark hair off her face and said, “’Cause, if’n you didn’t sleep, your ma and I would never sleep, and trust me, you don’t wanna see your ma when she’s tired.” He grinned wider as his little girl giggled, and then froze when he heard the sound of a clearing throat at the door.

Sheepishly glancing to his wife’s disapproving face as she regarded him coolly, arms over her chest, he said, “Hi, darlin’.”

Giving him a look, Inara strode into the room, and kissed her daughter on the head as well. “Good night, baby,” she whispered, as she placed a light hand on Mal’s shoulder, drawing him out of the room.

“G’Night,” Mimi responded, and within minutes was fast asleep.

Closing her door, Mal turned to head back to his own room, not a bit surprised to see Inara already changing into her nightgown by the time he arrived. Getting a glimpse of her beautiful form, Mal circled the bed and closed his arms around her now naked waist pulling her to him.

Inara inhaled sharply at the sudden embrace, but quickly relaxed into it, leaning her head back against his shoulder as he lowered his mouth to the skin of her neck and started nibbling at it. She moaned softly and Mal’s lip curled into a sly grin as he increased his efforts.

Inara decided now was as good a time as any to share with Mal what Millie had confirmed for her not more than an hour before. “Mal,” she asked quietly, getting a grunt from him as he continued to kiss along her neck.

With great effort, Inara pulled herself away from him and turned to face him, pulling her nightgown on in the process. The look of disappointment that flickered across his face caused her to laugh and Inara pressed a kiss to his mouth, before moving around to sit on the bed. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

Sighing heavily, Mal kicked of his boots, before coming to join her. Every time Inara had started a conversation with those words, it had never ended well for him.

“Sure, darlin’,” he said once he was seated beside her, his hand over hers. “What is it?”

Inara bit her lower lip, suddenly a bit fearful to be telling him this. She didn’t know why, she knew Mal would be as thrilled as she was, but it just didn’t seem right, not with everything going on.

Noting her hesitation and growing a bit worried, Mal brushed his hand up to her face and asked her, “You okay?”

Smiling at him, she nodded and then, taking his hand, turned to face him. “Yes, Mal, I’m fine.” Clearing her throat, she held his beautiful blue eyes in her gaze as she said, “Actually, I’m better than fine. I’m pregnant.”

Mal knew the look of confusion crossing his face was quickly followed by one of elation. Leaning forward, he wrapped his hand around Inara’s neck and drew her to him, kissing her long and deep. Inara worked her arms around his neck bringing them together, loving the passion with which he was kissing her.

When they parted for air, she whispered, “So, you’re happy about this then?”

Grinning at her, Mal ran his hands down the sides of her face, kissing her again. Pulling back he said, “Are you kiddin’? I think it’s great! And Mimi’s gonna be so thrilled.”

Pulling back a bit, Inara fixed him with a hard gaze. “I don’t want to tell her yet.”

Puzzled, Mal’s elation quickly evolved into concern. His hand automatically flying to her stomach, he asked, “Why? You’re okay, right?”

Smiling at him again, Inara placed her hand over the one he had resting against her belly. “Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t want to tell Mimi because she won’t be able to keep it a secret.”

More confused than before, Mal asked, “Why we keepin’ it a secret? It ain’t like we ain’t married?”

Trying to maintain her patience, Inara told him, “I just don’t think that this is the type of news we need to sharing right now, in light of what happened to River and her baby.”

Realization dawned on Mal’s features as he finally connected the dots. “Gotcha,” he said, moving away from the bed to shrug out of his clothes. By the time he’d returned to Inara’s side, she was already under the covers waiting to cuddle with him.

Pulling her tight to his chest, Mal placed a kiss on the top of her head, as she rested her cheek against him. “So, that’s why you been up at all hours, in the bathroom?” he asked finally, again putting two and two together.

Smiling, Inara said, “Yes. And that’s why I’ve been a tad moody lately as well.”

Frowning, Mal decided to tease. “You? Moody? Nah.”

Grinning at him herself, Inara raised her head to take in his bemused expression. “Malcolm Reynolds, I swear by all the –"

The rest of her curse was cut off as Mal again captured her lips with his own, pulling her warm body tight to him and banishing any negative thoughts about her husband from her mind.

***

Simon listened intently to Elijah’s belabored breathing, frowning as he noted the sound of increased fluid in the boy’s lungs. That was not a good sign. Removing his stethoscope from his ears, he moved his hands up and under the boy’s jaw feeling the glands there, noting Elijah’s reaction when he hit a sensitive spot.

“Sorry,” Simon murmured, looking back to his bag and wondering what, if any, other medication he could give him. He’d already exhausted most of his options over the past week.

“It’s okay, doc.”

Elijah’s weak voice pulled Simon from his thoughts and he turned to regard the boy lying before him. With a quizzical gaze, Simon asked, “What’s okay?”

Clearing his throat and bringing on a bout of coughing, the boy finally said, “I know you ain’t gonna be able to help me. S’okay.”

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Simon took the boy’s hand in his own and said firmly, “Elijah, it’s not healthy for you to think that way. You are young and strong and you will get through this.”

Waving away his concern, Elijah told him, “Yeah, I may be young, but strong? C’mon doc, who you think you’re foolin’?”

Simon could not discount the boy’s words. He was right. He wasn’t strong, probably never really had been, considering he’d been born with a condition that made breathing and moving nearly impossible. But still … Simon had allowed too many people around him to suffer recently and he refused to add Elijah, Millie or any of their family to that list.

With barely a whisper, Cadie entered the room, shutting the door behind her. She had been visiting with River, but she’d known Simon would come see Elijah today and she needed to be here. Elijah was the closest thing to real family she had, she couldn’t deny the connection they’d developed. Standing in front of Simon, she placed her little hand over the one of his that held her friend’s and said softly, “S’okay. Help’s coming.”

Simon met her intense blue-eyed gaze with confusion and watched dumbfounded as she skipped around to the side of the bed and sat up next to Elijah, regarding him quietly as he again drifted off to sleep.

Turning his full attention to Cadie, Simon asked her quietly, “Cadie, who’s coming?”

Looking back to him with a gaze that could not have more closely resembled his sister’s, she told him simply, “Help.”

***

Simon was in Millie’s clinic, going over River’s blood when Kaylee found him. Regarding him from the door, she watched with interest and a bit of lust as he worked deftly, his fingers moving over charts and instruments as he checked each of his theories. He had told Kaylee what River had asked of him, and while she knew that he felt it was a lost cause, she also knew that he had never been able to deny his sister, or any member of his family for that matter, help when they needed it.

Finally, deciding that there was a reason she’d sought him out in the first place, she said quietly, “Hey you.”

Turning at the sound of her voice, he flashed her that swai grin that still made her knees weak. “Hey,” he answered, turning back to his work as one of his instruments sounded.

Walking up behind him, Kaylee worked her hands up and under his arms, running them up his muscled chest and rested her head against his shoulder. “Whatcha doin’?” she asked mischievously, smiling even more wickedly when she felt him relax back against her.

“Trying to concentrate,” he told her honestly, working overtime to ignore the innate sensations that coursed through him at her barest touch.

And then of course, she played dirty. Moving her mouth to his neck, she started to kiss his flesh there, smiling as he moaned slightly. “I ain’t botherin’ you am I?” she asked sweetly, dragging her tongue along his neck until she reached his ear and started nibbling away.

Groaning again, Simon whirled on her, holding her tight to him and kissing her fiercely. With all that had been happening in the past month they’d barely shared a bed for more than a few hours of sleep, let alone done much of anything else, and as Simon’s tongue met hers and he deepened their kiss, he realized what a foolish mistake that had been.

Kaylee wrapped her arms up and around his neck, shifting her hips against his in a decidedly suggestive fashion and loving the way he responded. Knowing that she could easily take him right here in the clinic, she increased her ministrations, moving her hands back around to the front of his shirt and starting to work at his buttons.

Which was when Simon finally had the brains to stop her. “Kaylee,” he murmured, pulling back. “Not here. I really have to finish this.”

She pouted at him, her lower lip jutting out so far, he had no choice but to kiss her again. Even as he felt his desire for her rising, he knew that this wasn’t the place or the time. Pulling away again and marveling at either his own will or stupidity, he said, “Later, I promise.”

Sighing heavily, Kaylee crossed her arms over her chest and pouted again, but this time Simon resisted the overwhelming urge to kiss her. “You promised me later a few days ago too, Simon Tam. Exactly how long is later to you?”

Smiling at her, Simon kissed her on the tip of the nose and then turned back to his work. “Tonight,” he answered, wishing to all the gods in the ‘verse he had the power to set the sun.

“Well, all right then,” she said reluctantly, planting another kiss to his cheek. Pinching his butt as she turned to go, he chased her towards the door. “You are going to be the death of me,” he told her, kissing her once more.

Shrugging she said, “Well, it’d be a hell of a way to go.” And grinning wickedly, she shut the door behind her, wishing that tonight were already here.

***

Kaylee waited for Simon impatiently, having made sure both the kids were in bed and asleep much earlier than necessary. It was a move she would probably regret in the morning when both of them awoke earlier than normal, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was to get good and thoroughly sexed by her husband and she had spent most of the evening making sure that would happen.

When he finally made it to their room, she barely let him through the door, before pouncing on him, her desire already burning hot and her core already melting with need for him.

Laughing, Simon grinned against her mouth as she kissed him furiously, her hands working at his shirt, even as he tried to kick off his shoes. “Sorry, Kaylee,” he murmured, moving his arm to wrap around her waist.

Confused, she pulled back slightly, even as Simon bent down to place kisses along her neck. “For what?”

Bringing his eyes back up to meet hers, Simon grinned wickedly, causing a tremor to race straight down Kaylee’s spine. “For making you wait,” he answered huskily, and then with more passion, kissed her again, driving his tongue into her mouth and delighting as she moaned with pleasure against him.

Having made it to the bed, Simon laid Kaylee back, his eyes fluttering shut as she worked the fastening of his pants, her fingers passing over his aching arousal. Leaning down, he met her lips and kissed her fiercely as he pressed himself onto her and felt her body move exquisitely beneath him.

“Mama!”

Rylee’s voice cut through their passion like a hacksaw and Simon groaned, falling to the bed, even as Kaylee squirmed out from under him, grabbing her robe and pulling it on as she hurried out the door. Simon lay there for a moment, panting, wishing to all the gods in the ‘verse that in addition to having the ability to set the sun, he could make his children sleep, unimpeded, for hours at a time.

After a few minutes, Simon was concerned when Kaylee didn’t return to him right away. Switching out his pants for some pajama bottoms and throwing on a t-shirt, Simon padded down the hall towards his daughter’s room. As he approached, he could hear Kaylee’s light hum coming from inside which caused him to grimace. He knew what the humming meant – a nightmare – whenever Rylee had a nightmare, Kaylee’s soothing touch and lilting hum were the only thing to calm her.

Pausing in the door to her room, he watched with a heart full of love as Kaylee cradled Rylee’s crying form against her, rocking her gently back and forth. Kaylee’s head was turned towards the door, her eyes closed, but at Simon’s approach they fluttered open, and she grinned at him apologetically. Smiling back, Simon regarded the scene before him, surprised when Rylee stopped crying enough to ask in a broken voice, “Mama? Where’s daddy?”

“Right here, sweetheart,” he said, moving into the room and sitting beside her. Reaching out her arms to him, Rylee moved to sit in his lap. Throwing Kaylee a confused glance, she shrugged at him. This was very different behavior for their daughter who normally would only go to Kaylee when she was frightened or hurt.

Taking her into his arms, Simon rocked her back and forth, his cheek resting against her head as she continued to cry a bit. Glancing down to her tear-streaked face, Simon’s heart broke a little to see her in so much pain. “What’s the matter?” he asked her, feeling the warmth of Kaylee’s body as she slid closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Did you have a bad dream?”

She nodded against his chest, sniffling now and Simon frowned to his wife. Shrugging again, Kaylee reached out a hand and wrapped some of her daughter’s hair back behind her ear. “You wanna tell us about it, sweetie?”

Rylee turned her fear-filled eyes first to her mother and then finally to her father. With more tears welling there, she reached up her arms and wrapped them around his neck. Burying her face there, she wailed, “Don’t leave, daddy. Please.”

Rubbing her back with renewed concern, Simon rocked her again, shushing her as she continued to cry. “I’m not leaving, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Looking back to Kaylee, Simon saw that her eyes had also filled with tears at the sound of their daughter’s concerned sobbing. Reaching out a hand to caress her cheek, Simon pressed a soft kiss to her lips and murmured, “It was just a dream.”

Kaylee nodded once, knowing he was right, even as it took them both more than a half an hour to get their daughter calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

***

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