A/N: This chapter will see a bit of a stand-off between River and Kaylee and I certainly hope everyone keeps reading and responding. The clock is ticking for one of our BDHs ...

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta!

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A NEW BEGINNING, ch. 13: Cold Reality

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Kaylee turned her head as she heard the door to her room open. For a fleeting second she thought it might be Simon, coming to apologize, but when she saw the tray laden with food and her mother standing behind it with a smile on her face, Kaylee let that hopeful thought go.

Rolling over and sitting up, she smiled half-heartedly at her mother and said quietly, “Hi mom.”

“Hiya, baby,” her mom answered. Winnie’s brow furrowed even further with concern. It was not like her daughter to sleep in two mornings in a row and it was even less like her to skip a meal. And she had done both in the course of the last two days. Add her strange behavior to her pale eyes and tired face and Winnie’s heart instantly beat stronger in her chest, consumed with love and concern for her baby.

Nodding to the tray Winnie was carefully setting on the bed, Kaylee asked, “What’s all that?”

Giving her a look of playful annoyance she had perfected in her over thirty years as a parent, Winnie put her hands on her hips and answered, “Breakfast, silly. You gotta eat somethin’.”

Kaylee shrugged, really not in the mood to think about food, when her eyes swept down the tray and caught something bright and red sitting on the end. Unable to suppress the salivation that tingled in her mouth, she looked back to her mother and whispered, “Are those strawberries?”

Winnie nodded once and chuckled as Kaylee’s hand shot out and snatched a few of the ripe berries from the bowl. Sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, Winnie watched with an even bigger grin as Kaylee at once devoured and savored her favorite fruit, taking time to chew each bite as if she’d never get the chance again. Running a light hand down one cheek, Winnie tucked some of her daughter’s honey brown hair behind her ear as she finished the last berry, licking her fingers and smiling, for the first time in a few days.

“Thanks, mom,” she sighed, leaning back against the pillows and folding her hands over her stomach.

“You’re welcome, baby,” Winnie said with a smile. An uneasy silence fell between the two women as both tried to avoid what they knew they should discuss. Winnie was worried about her daughter, her son-in-law and her grandkids. She and Thom had heard all the yelling and had seen Simon leaving the guest room early that morning and neither of them liked it. Plus, she didn’t like seeing her normally bright and vibrant girl sulking about as if she’d just lost her best friend although Winnie knew that’s exactly how she felt.

Deciding to brave the fray, Winnie cleared her throat, ready to say something, when Kaylee raised a hand and stopped her. “Please, mom, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Frowning at her, Winnie told her sternly, “Well, too bad, baby, ‘cause you’re gonna have to.”

Crossing her arms over her chest and sighing heavily, Kaylee pulled her gaze away from the other woman’s concern and said quietly, “No, I don’t.”

“Now, Kaywinnet Lee Tam, don’t you go sassin’ me,” Winnie warned her. Softening her gaze and expression just a bit, she edged closer to her daughter and took her gently by the shoulders. “Baby, it’ll help to talk about it. I know you’re makin’ yourself sick over it, whatever it is.”

Shaking her head, Kayle tried to blink away the tears she felt forming. She didn’t want to cry about this, not again. She had cried herself to sleep for two nights now, curling Simon’s pillow into her arms and having to fight every urge to race down the hall to his side and tell him she never wanted to be without him again. But she couldn’t do it. Call it pride, call it selfishness, call it anger – Kaylee could not give in, not until Simon understood just how much he was hurting her.

Her voice quiet, Kaylee did not meet her mother’s gaze as she said, “I can’t, mom. ‘Cause if’n I do, it’ll just hurt worse.”

“Oh, baby,” Winnie breathed, noting that a few tears had fallen down her daughter’s face. She reached out a gentle hand to wipe them away and Kaylee let her, so grateful for her mom’s warm and loving presence. “Why you so mad at Simon? I ain’t never seen you mad at that boy since the minute you brought him ‘round.”

The memory, of that first meeting between her now husband and her parents, brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes and a stab of guilt to her heart. Lifting her hands, she covered her face and started to cry, big, heaving sobs. Winnie, wishing there was more she could do, simply wrapped her baby in her arms and pulled her to her chest, rocking her as she had years before. “Whatever it is, you’ll fix it,” Winnie said reassuringly, running her hand down through Kaylee’s hair and along her back. “I know you will. You both love each other somethin’ fierce. Even your pa admits that and we all know how dense he can be.”

Kaylee knew her mother was trying to cheer her, but there was nothing that could lighten the fear and pain clutching at her heart. Pulling back slightly, she finally met her mother’s gaze, her big, green eyes puffy and red from crying. “I don’t know, mom, I jus’ don’t. I din’t think Simon an’ me’d ever fight, but this …” She broke off again as another sob welled up through her chest and burst from her lips.

Winnie pulled her back tight against her and after a few moments asked gently, “Is this about his ma comin’ ‘round?”

Kaylee wanted to say no, she wanted to say that it had nothing to do with whether or not Regan showed up here, but she couldn’t. That would be a bold-faced lie and Kaylee had learned long ago not to lie to her mother. “It does a bit,” she admitted, her head resting against her mother’s shoulder. “But it’s about more’n that now. It’s about Simon not wantin’ to protect us, protect me.”

Now completely baffled, Winnie pulled back from her daughter and held her hurt gaze. “What’da ya mean? That boy would die for you or them kids and you know it.”

Shaking her head sadly, Kaylee again dropped her gaze to her lap as she murmured, “No, I don’t.”

Lifting her daughter’s chin, Winnie asked her, “Why? What’s makin’ you doubt him?”

Swallowing hard past more tears, Kaylee thought about how much she should tell her mother. She knew that both of her parents loved Simon, having adopted him as their own, especially after they had learned of all he’d been through when everyone had thought him dead. They had believed that a man like Simon, a good man, a smart man and a man so obviously in love with their daughter, deserved to know the kind of love and support that a parent could give to a child unconditionally. And so that’s what they’d given to him. And Kaylee knew he was grateful for it, had always been and would always be, and she didn’t want their problems to color her mother or father’s opinion of her husband.

But she had to tell somebody. “Ma, when he told me he wanted to contact his mother, I asked him not to, begged him.” As Winnie’s worried gaze turned to one of confusion, Kaylee hastened to explain. “The last time he was with his ma she thought that his life, this life, was beneath him. That I wasn’t good ‘nough for him and I almost lost him for good.” Kaylee bit her lip, trying to fight off the tears she felt welling in her eyes.

“And even though he promised me that nothing like that would ever happen again, he knew how I felt. He knew that I didn’t think his ma could be trusted and that callin’ her would put me and the kids and him in a world of danger. But he did it anyway.” Kaylee’s sadness was quickly dissolving into anger as she thought back to a few days ago, when he had snuck off in the early morning to make the wave, trying to avoid another fight by leaving before she’d awakened.

With a fire fueled by anger burning in her eyes, Kaylee met her mother’s gaze and asked, “And do you know why he did it?”

“For me.”

Both women turned at the sound of the voice and Kaylee gasped a bit when she saw River’s sad face gazing back at her. Turning away and wiping at her tears, Kaylee tried to quell her rising anger, especially at the sight of her sister-in-law. River was right, many of things Simon did, including most of the foolish ones, were all because of River and Kaylee wasn’t so sure she wanted to face the woman right now.

Winnie looked between the two, noting the sadness with which River moved into the room and the look of genuine concern that crossed her face at Kaylee’s appearance. Nodding to the girl, Winnie rose and placed a light kiss to Kaylee’s cheek, before extending the gesture to River as well. River smiled at her as Kaylee’s mother went to leave, the tray balanced on her hip.

Looking past River to Kaylee’s now motionless form, Winnie said, “I’ll be about. You two need anythin,’ you go ahead and holler.”

Once she’d gone, the door shut behind her, River turned back to regard Kaylee and inhaled sharply as she read the anger and resentment roiling off the girl in waves. Sitting forward on the bed, Kaylee glared at her and said, “I really don’ wanna talk to you.”

River thought about backing off, about leaving and granting her solitude, but armed with the knowledge of just how badly her brother was hurting, she couldn’t. Shrugging, she sat down next to Kaylee on the bed, and said, “Tough.”

Scowling, Kaylee thought about leaving her here, about running away and getting as much distance from the young woman as she could, but Kaylee had done enough running in the past few days, from her husband, from their insane situation. No, she was staying put.

“Well,” Kaylee told her glumly, her eyes still burning. “Talk then.”

River tried to smile at her, but found the anger directed at her just too overwhelming to affect a fake grin. With a sigh, she asked quietly, “Why’re you so mad at Simon?”

Snorting, Kaylee looked away, chuckling sardonically under her breath as she thought of the ways that question could be answered. Not turning back to regard her, she finally said, “’Cause he don’t care enough ‘bout me or our family to keep us safe.”

River’s eyes grew wide at such a harsh statement, and with a firm hand, she pulled Kaylee back around to meet her gaze. “Don’t say that,” River whispered vehemently, her intense brown eyes locking onto Kaylee’s. “Don’t ever say that, not to Simon. It would kill him.”

Kaylee knew the girl was right, but she refused to be deterred from her anger now. Rising, she stormed across the room, her hands balled into fists at her side and turned back to regard River. Her body shaking with anger, she bit out, “It’s the truth and I’ll say any gorram thing I please.”

River stood, wanting to circle the bed and knock some sense into her sister, but taking a deep breath and letting it out, she said calmly, “You know he would do anything to protect you.”

Throwing her hands in the air, Kaylee asked, almost to herself, “Why’s everybody keep sayin’ that?” Turning back to River, her eyes had grown cold, the fire gone and replaced with a chill that made River shiver. “No, he won’t. He proved that when he called your ma.”

River bit her lip to keep the sudden tears that had sprung to her eyes at bay. She needed to stay focused on Kaylee and try to mend what had so irrevocably broken in her brother’s marriage – because of her. “He did it for me,” she said quietly, trying to keep her voice steady against her emotion.

Pointing an accusatory finger at her, Kaylee said firmly, “An’ that’s the problem. He did it for you. Because he couldn’t help you or your baby. Because he feels that it is still his job to protect you an’ keep you safe, even though you’re a grown woman with a husband of your own.” Kaylee’s voice had grown deadly quiet as she rattled off those facts and River cast her gaze to the floor, unable and unwilling to meet the hardness she knew was growing in her sister’s green eyes.

Kaylee’s body was heaving with the fierceness of her emotions and her struggle to keep them all bottled up. She had not displayed to River even one-tenth of the rage or anger she felt, and the battle to keep it contained was tiring her quickly.

Without raising her eyes, River asked her quietly, “Do you really think he would have done it, he would have called her, if he thought there was a danger?”

Kaylee had thought on that herself, wondering if perhaps her history, her past, had aversely colored her view of Simon’s family, causing her to overreact to what was in reality a perfectly benign situation. But she couldn’t support that theory, not one bit. Sighing heavily, she said, her voice hard, “I used to think, maybe, that woulda been a consideration for him, but I know now, whene’er you’re involved, any other reasonin’ goes right out the window.”

River’s eyes shot up to her face, pain and regret evident there. Kaylee didn’t care. She wanted River to feel bad, she wanted her to know how much her presence in their lives, in their marriage, had caused Kaylee to resent her, had caused Kaylee to hate the fact that although her husband loved her, he would always love his sister just a little bit more.

Rounding the bed, River pulled this thought from Kaylee’s mind and took her firmly by the shoulders, shaking her hard in an effort to get through. “That’s not true and you know it,” she said, her voice rising in volume and pitch. “He loves you. He loves you and your children.”

Kaylee didn’t even have the energy to cry. With a lump in her throat, but her eyes and voice devoid of emotion, Kaylee told her, “Oh, he loves me well ‘nough, but it’s you he’ll always protect.”

River stumbled at her words, physically unable to keep her balance as she felt the wave of hurt Kaylee had been trying to contain wash over her and towards River, pushing her back until she had to sit on the bed. Kaylee stayed where she was, feeling no remorse for her hurtful words or any sympathy. She had been living with this knowledge, this idea that she was second fiddle for a long time, and if River had chosen to ignore it, it wasn’t Kaylee’s job to make that realization any less painful.

“It’s not true,” River murmured, her voice barely audible, her mind searching for a time, a moment, a memory that she could use to refute Kaylee’s belief. But with shame, River could not find one. Her cheeks flamed crimson at the realization and her eyes welled with tears as she turned back to Kaylee. “I didn’t know.”

Kaylee shrugged as if they had just started talking about the weather, as if the conversation the two women were having now was completely inane, and maybe to Kaylee, it was. “Don’t matter if’n you knew or not, you still helped make him the way he is.”

Truly at a loss, River turned a confused expression towards the other woman. With a heavy sigh, Kaylee leaned back against the wall and explained. “River, I known you and your brother both for a pretty long time now and we all been through quite a bit together.” River nodded, unable to dispute that statement as it was the honest truth. “And the one thing I always knew, ‘specially back in the early days when you two were on board was that Simon loved you somethin’ fierce.”

Kaylee felt her mind drifting back in time, looking, searching through those memories, even as she tried to avoid the sadness and happiness they would simultaneously bring. Blinking back tears, she continued. “I always thought it was jus’ an example of how great a man Simon was. How he looked after you and tried to make you better. In truth, it’s prolly part of the reason I fell for him, ‘cause I wanted a piece of that love, I wanted a piece of that big heart that he had devoted to you.” Kaylee knew there would be no keeping her tears in and they fell now, steadily down her face, even as her voice remained steady. “And every once in a while, I have it, and sometimes, if’n I’m lucky enough, I get to have his whole heart, just for a minute or maybe an hour, maybe even a day.” Pausing, she added, almost as an afterthought, “Once, a long time ago those minutes or hours were enough. But they ain’t anymore.”

Pulling her gaze from those bittersweet memories, Kaylee let her teary eyes fall to River’s equally watery gaze as she said, “But every time you cry, every time you call for him, he’s there in a heartbeat, because you are the one person in this ‘verse that he feels obliged to protect. Not me, not his son, not his daughter, you.” Kaylee felt more tears fall and she wiped at her face harshly. “’Cause he thinks if’n he can help you, save you, heal you, than the guilt he feels over not being able to help or save or heal you before will go away.”

River’s expression had turned from sad to shocked. She had never wanted Simon to feel guilt. Yes, she had said things before, when she was hurt or angry that she knew would injure him, but she had always apologized, always told him she was sorry and didn’t mean it, and he had always told her it was okay, and kissed her and called her ‘his mei mei,’ and everything had been all right.

“But,” River started, floundering for words. “But, he doesn’t need to feel guilty. He’s always done everything he could.”

Leveling a sarcastic look to her, Kaylee retorted, “Is that why you blamed him for your baby’s death? ‘Cause you didn’t wan’ ‘im to feel guilty?” The look on Kaylee’s face told River exactly what she thought of that. “C’mon, River, you and I both know you said it to push his buttons, ‘cause you knew you could.”

River was at a loss, there was nothing she could say to stymie Kaylee’s anger or take away her pain. Unwittingly or not, she had caused a rift between her brother and her best friend and she couldn’t fix it. And the helplessness of that feeling almost dwarfed the shame she felt for being so selfish in the first place.

As River tried to collect her thoughts, Kaylee barreled ahead, not about to miss the opportunity to get everything off her chest. “You pushed his buttons, ‘cause you knew it would make him beholden to you. But what you don’ get, what you never get is that you don’ gotta say nothin’ for Simon to feel bad.

“Every time somethin’ goes wrong; every time you’re hurtin’ or angry or injured, you know who he blames?” River’s tear-filled eyes lifted to meet Kaylee’s hard stare and she waited for the answer she knew was coming. “Himself. He don’ blame you or the Alliance or the ‘verse or the stupid hundans on the job, no, he blames himself. Every time somethin’ goes wrong with you, he thinks it’s just another time he’s failed you.”

Her gaze narrowed and Kaylee took one step towards her even as River shrank back at the anger in her eyes. In a low growl, Kaylee asked, “So what makes you possibly think, that if you asked him to, he wouldn’t go jump off a cliff or fly out of an airlock? And to hell with the rest of us.”

River dropped her face into her hands and cried, hard. Her body shook with the ferocity of her emotions. All she could feel was Kaylee’s anguish and her brother’s pain and it was tearing at her, ripping her body right down the middle, her heart caught in an a tug-of-war, between two people she loved more than her own life.

Kaylee simply stood and watched River cry, feeling her adrenaline receding and a bone-weary tiredness replace it. With a sigh, Kaylee crawled back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and curling into a ball. Not looking at River, she waited until the woman had stopped sobbing so hard and then said coldly, “Get out.”

Unable to think of a reason to stay, River rose and quietly left the room.

***

Simon was still synthesizing some medication in the clinic when the door opened and Cadie came to visit. Simon turned to greet her, smiling warmly at the girl who at once reminded him of his sister and his daughter. “Hi, Simon,” she said shyly, standing near the door and glancing off in the direction of the guest rooms.

Guessing as to the reason for her visit, Simon nodded down the hall and said, “You can go sit with him if you want. He’s in the second room on the left.”

Her face breaking into a wide grin, Cadie scurried towards the appointed room, pushing open the door. She knew that when she entered the room she would feel Elijah’s pain, worse than she already did, but she wanted to be with him, wanted to see if she could help him. He had always tried to help her.

Walking towards his bed, she sat on the edge and watched him sleep. He was pale, paler than usual and she could hear the raspy sound of his breathing as his lungs fought to bring in air and then push it out again. The room was humid and glancing around Cadie saw the reason, a small box-like machine in one corner of the room moistening the overly dry air, making it somewhat easier for Elijah to breathe.

Looking back to him, Cadie felt her tears welling in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. She had thought, when Simon had come, that Elijah would be okay. That the dark cloud she had felt forming and following at his heels for a little under three months would dissipate with the arrival of the doctor. But instead, she noticed how it shifted and grew and Cadie knew it wasn’t going away; it was just waiting to consume her friend, her brother, in one final burst of energy.

A few tears falling down her cheek, Cadie reached out a gentle hand and brushed a few stray hairs off his head. She knew that Elijah had thought her an annoyance at first, a weird girl with big eyes and an even bigger brain. But Cadie had grown to love him fairly fast – after his initial shock at her constant presence, he had begun to take comfort in their shared silences. Cadie found a serenity within his presence that she could find with no one else. As Elijah was quiet and reflective, his thoughts, his emotions were never jarring to her, never overwhelming.

Elijah liked the fact too that she could read his mind. She knew that none of the other children did, but he didn’t mind, because it meant that someone else, someone who cared about him could understand the physical and emotional pain he was in without him having to swallow his pride and admit it out loud. So when he was feeling particularly bad, Cadie would always show up and sit with him. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes she would read to him or tell him a story or sometimes she would draw while he slept, but their ability to soothe each other’s souls seemed to go both ways and while neither of them could fully understand it, they weren’t about to dismiss it either.

But Cadie knew that Elijah would be gone soon and there was nothing she or Simon or anyone could do about it. He had fought for a long time, fought through a lot of pain and sickness, but Elijah’s body wasn’t meant to survive all of this and she knew, in a way no one else could understand, that it would be a relief for him to finally let go, a relief for him to not have to fight anymore. But for Cadie it would be the start of a downward spiral, one she tried to ignore, but one she knew she’d never be able to escape.

She knew she had told Simon that help was coming, but she knew now that she’d been wrong. Cadie had thought for a fleeting minute that maybe Simon’s mother, whom everyone was so dead set against seeing, might be able to bring a specialist or some medicine to help Elijah, but Cadie knew that even if the woman started her trip tomorrow, she would be too late.

Cadie was fairly certain Simon would blame himself and she felt bad for that. He was already suffering enough, his guilt over the death of River’s baby eating away at him a little a time. Cadie had thought about trying to comfort him, about trying to say something or do something that would help the doctor heal, but she didn’t know what to say or do. All she could focus on right now was Elijah’s pain and his unease at realizing his time in the ‘verse was about to expire.

She looked up as Simon entered the room, a syringe full of a new drug he had concocted in his hand. He smiled at her and she returned the gesture even though they both knew it was an empty look, offered more out of politeness than genuineness. Sitting lightly on the edge of the bed, Simon turned over Elijah’s arm and inserted the needle expertly, pushing the new medicine into his system.

When he again lifted his compassionate eyes from the boy’s face, he turned to regard Cadie and saw that she had begun to cry some more. Feeling awful at the sight of her tears, Simon reached out a hand to her, but shaking it off, she brushed the tears from her face, and instead lay down next to Elijah’s sleeping form, patting his shoulder soothingly and whispering words to him that Simon could not hope to hear.

With a sigh and a heavy heart, Simon left the two children alone, and closing the door, leaned against it, trying to quell his rising frustration at his inability to do anything right at the moment. He knew that Elijah was in bad shape, and he knew that the boy didn’t have long. But Simon could not accept that. With a stubbornness he’d begun to fear was genetic, Simon felt his determination rising, his innate insistence that he would and could cure the boy consuming him.

Taking a deep breath, he headed back out to the clinic, looking for his next big breakthrough and stopped short when he saw Inara there.

While the former companion’s gaze had initially been harsh, it softened a bit as she caught the sight of tears in his eyes. Blinking rapidly to clear them fully, Simon moved past her and asked quickly, “Can I help you with something, Inara?”

Turning and watching him work for a moment, Inara had to wonder just who exactly Simon and Kaylee thought they were fooling. It was obvious to her, as she was fairly certain it was obvious to everyone else on Harvest and the surrounding planets that they were suffering, terribly. And while Inara understood Kaylee’s trepidation and avoidance of her husband, she could not support it. Inara had practically earned a degree in avoidance and fear and the best thing she had ever done was push them both aside and love her husband.

“Yes,” she told him honestly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the exam table in the center of the room. When he didn’t turn at her words, she told him quietly, “You can help me with Kaylee.”

He whirled in an instant, fear clouding his already pained features. “Is she all right?” he asked breathlessly. He had never spent more than a few hours away from his wife since he had returned all those years ago, which made the past two days that they had been apart almost unbearable.

Nodding quickly, Inara felt guilty for using such a dirty tactic to get his attention, but it had worked, as she knew it would. “Yes, Simon, she’s fine. Upset, obviously, but fine all the same.”

Simon visibly let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping forward a bit as he released his tension. Sinking to a stool, he did meet her gaze as he asked, “What can I do then?”

Ready to hit him, Inara suppressed an eye roll and told him, “You can be her husband, the man she married, the man she is so in love with she can barely breathe.” Simon’s blue eyes met her gaze and Inara continued, trying to ignore the hurt in his expression. “You can march over to that house and fix this.”

Shaking his head, Simon rubbed a hand over his tired eyes, trying to clear the fatigue that blurred his vision. “It’s not that easy, Inara,” he admitted, his voice small and distant.

“Oh, yes it is,” she told him, going to kneel in front of him. Placing her hands on his knees she held his gaze firmly as she said, “And if it isn’t, it should be.”

Simon knew Inara was trying to help. She had always been a wonderful friend to he and Kaylee both, even when Simon knew she had wanted to drop kick him out an airlock for saying or doing something stupid that had upset his wife. But now, he didn’t think she had a clear picture of exactly how much animosity had built between them. And Simon wasn’t even sure he knew why.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally admitted, blinking again to fight back tears. “I’m not even sure what we’re fighting about anymore.”

Inara knew he was speaking the truth, which made her heart break for him just a little more. He truly was lost and until he found his bearings again, there was no way he could apologize to his wife.

Rising, Inara asked him, “What do you think you’re fighting about?”

Simon sighed heavily, replaying his last two conversations with Kaylee over in his mind, even though the memories brought more pain to his heart. “My mother, I guess,” Simon finally said, his voice still quiet. “My need or willingness to contact her, even though Kaylee thought it was a bad idea.”

He was slowly catching on. Inara figured if she could just guide him in the right direction and he saw the error of his ways, this whole horrible incident between them might be over. “And why did Kaylee think it was a bad idea?” she prompted, watching as his mind worked, his eyes darting back and forth furiously, finding the clues hidden in their conversations.

“She was worried my mother was a danger. That I would be taken again.” Simon stopped short and brought a plaintive gaze up to study Inara’s face. “But I told her that wouldn’t happen. I told her I wouldn’t let it.”

Sighing Inara wondered how someone so smart could be so dense. For once, she was actually glad that Mal had not been blessed with Simon’s overabundance of brains – it would have made his cluelessness even more profound. “Simon, if you could have, all those years ago, would you have prevented being taken in the first place?”

“Of course,” he answered quickly, hurt by the implication of her question. He would never have chosen to be taken away from Kaylee or his sister.

“And if you had thought something bad might happen, would you have made that same promise to Kaylee then? Even though you know now you would have been unable to make good on it?” Inara watched as his eyes widened and realization dawned like the first light of a new day. Maybe he wasn’t so dense after all.

Plowing ahead, Inara watched as he tried to put everything into perspective and she continued. “So, if you could have stopped it, you would have. But Simon, the point is, you couldn’t. You couldn’t have foreseen or prevented being taken all those years ago or that your mother and father would decide to try and brainwash you. So what makes you think that a reassurance to Kaylee of that now, no matter how heartfelt, is going to make a bit of difference to her?”

Simon’s head fell forward into his hands and he rubbed the heels of them hard against his eyes. Was he really that idiotic? Grimacing, he knew the answer to that, his sister’s favorite word for him springing to mind in seconds. But he still didn’t understand, not fully. Why would Kaylee not trust him? Why would she all of sudden decide that he would do something so reckless and place their family in danger?

“Inara, I never would have called my mother if I thought her capable of taking me away again,” he told her sincerely, bringing his tired eyes back to meet hers. “But Kaylee doesn’t see that. She thinks that I completely disregarded her safety and the safety of the kids to make that call.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Inara allowed her eyes to harden as she asked, “Didn’t you?”

As Simon’s expression changed from hurt to confused, Inara elaborated. “What were you thinking of when you called your mother?” When Simon could not find an answer, Inara amended the question. “Who were you thinking of when you called your mother?”

“River, of course,” Simon answered quickly – too quickly. And Inara jumped on it.

“And how long has it been since River really needed you to rescue her?” Inara knew her tone was harsh and her words were scathing, but so help her she would make Simon see reason. He had to know what he was doing to Kaylee and Inara had to believe that the two of them would work this out. “River is not a child anymore, Simon. She’s a grown woman with her own husband. So why do you still feel compelled to put her needs ahead of Kaylee’s?”

Simon could not process her words or the accusations they held. Standing, with anger rising in his gut, he told her harshly, “She is my sister and Kaylee knows how much she means to me.”

“Yes, Simon, you’re right, she does,” Inara admitted, watching as he tried to control his anger. “But does she mean more to you than your wife? Your children? You were so willing to put them all in danger to contact a woman who, the last time you saw her, consented to remove your memories. Why?” Simon sputtered, trying to find a reason suitable enough to offset Inara’s scathing tone. “River asked me. She begged me.”

“Did Kaylee ask you not to?" He didn’t answer. But he didn't need to. Inara already knew the answer. “Kaylee is afraid you don't love them enough to keep them safe. But you love River enough to risk all of their lives. Your sister is an adult, with a husband to care for her. You have a wife and two children who need you to make them your first priority.”

And with that, she turned and strode from the room having nothing left to say. Simon could be angry at her all he wanted, but Inara knew she had said what needed to be said. Once she was outside the door, she leaned against it, feeling the cool night air ghost across her cheeks. She probably should not have started that argument in her current condition though.

Hurrying back to the Everetts, she knew Mal would wonder if she was gone too long. She only hoped that her words to Simon had not fallen on deaf ears.

***

Jayne was out, wandering again, looking for River as he roamed between Millie’s place, Walt and Marie’s and the Frye’s. She hadn’t come to dinner, which wasn’t much of a surprise, but when he’d asked around a bit, seeing if anyone had seen his wife and gotten non-committal responses, he decided that maybe it was time to go on a little hunt.

When he found her, sitting with her back to a tree, gazing out at a small pond about a mile from the homesteads, he approached cautiously. Jayne could only guess what had River so bothered she would have ventured so far by herself. Ever since the miscarriage, ever since they had been on Harvest, she had been reluctant to travel very far from Millie’s, wanting to stay in bed most days. And while Jayne would not normally have complained, he didn’t like seeing the way her skin got paler and her cheeks more hollow as the life she’d always possessed kept draining away.

He was still a good few feet from her, when he heard her quiet and tear-filled voice say, “Go away, Jayne.”

Grimacing, Jayne moved towards her still, even as she scrambled to her feet and started to walk away from him at a hurried pace. Jayne quickened his step as well, knowing he could overtake her in just a few strides – she might have been faster, but his legs were longer. When she was about two steps in front of him, she stopped suddenly, doubled over in pain. Jayne was by her in an instant, his concern for finding her alone, tripling as he caught the grimace that clouded her features.

Steadying her with a hand to her back and shoulder, he was about to heft her into his arms and carry her back to Millie’s, when she placed a delicate hand to his shoulder. “No, it’s okay,” she reassured him, straightening and turning a watery smile to him.

Not buying it, Jayne would not relinquish his hold on her arm, curling his arm around her shoulders and pulling her tight. “You sure? I’m thinkin’ we really should let Simon make that call.”

With a stifled sob, River leaned against him and said quietly, “Simon won’t want to see me.”

Knowing there was more to this story, Jayne circled River back towards the tree he’d found her under and helped her sit, trying to get comfortable against the hard trunk and letting her lean against his chest. “Now, why wouldn’t Simon wanna see ya? ‘Cause o’ what happened t’other night? C’mon, that weren’t nothin’, not ‘tween the two a you.”

River bit back more tears as she said, “It’s worse, Jayne. So much worse.”

Truly confused, Jayne felt her body shake a bit against him and he knew she was crying. Pulling her a bit tighter, he placed a kiss in her hair, before burying his cheek against the top of her head and whispering, “We’ll figure it out. We’ll all just figure it out. You’ll see.”

River wanted to disagree with him, she wanted to yell and scream and fight the pain she felt welling in her, but she was tired, too tired. Too tired to fight, too tired to scream, even too tired to set things right. With a heavy sigh and a few more tears, she just lay in Jayne’s warm embrace staring out at the water and wishing for the first time in a long while, that she had the power to drown.

***

Once Inara left, Simon stood, seething in the middle of the room. His conflicted heart beat wildly in his chest, raging a battle with his torn mind. He wanted his wife, he wanted Kaylee to hold him and tell him that all of this, that they, would be all right, but he could barely process what Inara had just said. If she was right, and if Kaylee was truly jealous of his sister, how could they come back from that?

Frozen by his uncertainty, he looked up quickly at the sound of tiny footsteps hastily making their way down the hall. He met Cadie’s teary gaze as she ran out to him, grabbing at his hand and ignoring the anger she felt coming from him.

“Come on, it’s Elijah. You gotta help him,” she begged, dragging him towards the room.

Knowing that the decision of what to do next would have to wait, Simon buried his anger and despair and followed the little girl.

***

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