A/N: Ah, yes, and we're back to the angst! Enjoy!

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta (even when she's not feeling well, she can still knock out quality comments - gotta admire that!)

Please leave comments, they make me happy!

***

A NEW BEGINNING, ch. 23: What We Shouldn’t Know

***

As Mal pulled the mule up to the small house at the edge of town, he eyed Zoe skeptically. Guessing at his hesitation, the tall woman hopped down and told him, “Save it. He’s legit, I’m tellin’ ya and pretty nice, too.”

Shaking his head as he pulled back on the parking brake to make sure the vehicle stayed put, Mal hopped off and followed her up onto the porch, wondering when exactly someone being nice had become a prerequisite for them to do business.

Turning to his friend as she rapped on the door, Mal told her, “Nice, huh? I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Zoe let the comment slide, choosing instead to keep her eyes locked on the wooden door. When it opened a moment later, and an older gentleman, shorter than Mal, but with a face hardened by years of hardship and laughter answered, she stepped forward and stuck out her hand. “Willis, it’s good to see ya.”

“Zoe,” the man greeted her warmly, taking her hand, and instead of shaking it as Mal had assumed, he kissed it lightly. Motioning them both inside, Mal continued to have doubts about this whole arrangement as he entered the inviting room. “It’s so good to see you,” Willis was saying, gesturing his guests to two armchairs, well-appointed for the smallish space.

As Zoe sat, throwing Mal a look that had told him he’d better do the same, she turned back to the older man and asked, “How are things?”

Willis looked to her and nodded once. “Can’t complain. Can I get you anything?” he asked, looking between Zoe and Mal. “Coffee, tea, water?”

His brain having lost all ability to function in light of such an odd turn of events, Mal could only stare at the man dumbly. Zoe answered for them both, “We’re fine, Willis. Thanks.”

Nodding once, he took a seat and clasped his hands before him, looking to Zoe expectantly. Taking his cue, she said, “Willis, thanks for meeting with us. This is the man I was telling you about,” she told him, gesturing to Mal who still looked like he’d been caught by his mama drinking moonshine. Grimacing at his idiotic expression, Zoe turned back and smirked at their host. “And despite the ridiculous look on his face, he really is as good as I said.”

Chuckling lightly at the remark, Willis leaned forward and extended a hand to Mal. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet ya,” he told him. Looking back to Zoe, he gave Mal a sympathetic look as he added, “I certainly hoped she’s earned the right to talk about ya like that.”

Mal took the man’s outstretched hand and shook it, looking into his eyes as he did so. Seeing the warmth and genuineness reflected there, the hardened captain finally found his voice. His face breaking into a wide grin, he told the man, “Oh trust me, she’s earned the right to talk about me like that and worse. ‘Bout ten times over.”

The two men shared a laugh and eventually Zoe joined them. As the tension in the room eased, Willis sat back again and addressed Mal. “So, captain, what can I do for you?”

Smiling widely at the man, he said, “Well, Zoe here thought you might be able to get me some work.”

Nodding once, Willis murmured, “I might, I might. What kinda boat you fly?”

His grin turning to one of pure pride, he told him, “A firefly.”

Whistling through his teeth, Willis sat up a bit straighter, and told him excitedly, “A firefly, huh? And she still runs?” Mal nodded once and Willis continued, “Well, then I think I definitely got somethin’ for ya.”

“Is it legit?” Mal asked as the man rose to retrieve some data from a desk at the back of the room.

Turning to him with a puzzled expression, the older man told him, “What’d ya think? You’re gonna be running guns past an Alliance blockade?” He laughed outright at the thought, while Mal and Zoe could just grin, knowing they had tried that and worse before. “Who’d be fool ‘nough to do somethin’ like that?” Willis mumbled under his breath as he again turned to his desk.

While his back was turned Mal caught Zoe’s gaze and saw the laughter dancing in her eyes. Holding up a warning finger, he told her quietly, “Not a word,” and then turned all his attention back to their host as the man returned to give them the details.

***

Ellie giggled slightly as she watched Mimi struggle with the heavier, yet smaller bag of sugar. With an annoyed look, she blew up a bit of air from her lip, trying to get a curl out of her eyes and turned to look at Ellie. “What’s so funny?” she asked, her tone conveying how hurt she was by the older girl’s amusement.

Valiantly trying to wipe the smirk from her face, Ellie said innocently, “Oh nothing.” Watching as Mimi’s small hands again slipped on the bag, she offered one more time, “You wanna switch?”

With a proud shake of the head, Mimi marched forward, heading back in the direction they had left her mother just a few minutes before. Sighing slightly, Ellie followed her and almost ran into her back as the child stopped dead. Looking up Ellie’s confusion quickly grew as she saw no one in their path. Looking to Mimi, she asked, “What is it, Meems?”

Dropping the bag of sugar at her feet, the granular powder spilling out of a now broken corner of the bag, the little girl grabbed one of Ellie’s hands and whispered, “If mama’s gone an’ daddy ain’t there, find a ‘heriff,” and with a fierce tug, Mimi dragged Ellie from the store, heading out into the street, even as the older girl protested.

“We ain’t ‘sposed to leave,” Ellie told her, trying to pull the girl back inside and having no luck. Finally managing to stop her on the sidewalk, she turned the little one to face her and inhaled sharply at the fear haunting her eyes. “What is it?” she asked her again, kneeling in front of her.

In the same hushed tone, Mimi told her again. “If mama’s gone an’ daddy ain’t there, find a sheriff.”

Ellie worked the statement over in her head, thinking through the logic. And then realization dawned as a buried memory, one of the first Zoe had ever told her, came to the surface. When Zoe had first adopted Ellie she’d been fearful, constantly of the child disappearing or of Zoe herself getting snatched by an old enemy, looking for revenge. So, she had quickly drilled into Ellie what to do should she ever disappear – find a sheriff.

Her own fear rising as she realized just what Mimi had a few minutes ago, she pulled the girl along, heading across the street and down a ways to where she knew the sheriff’s office would be, hoping the whole time that they were both wrong.

***

Inara had no way of knowing how long she’d been in the rough grasp of the oaf behind her, but she was wearying of it quickly. The woman, Stef, continued to pace an agitated path in front of her, her form shrouded in the same shadow that they had pulled Inara into. While she had at first seemed content on threatening Inara, the more minutes that ticked by only seemed to set her off and now she was anxiously looking up and down the alley they’d found, waiting for Mal’s return.

It sickened Inara to think of what these two brutes would attempt to do to her husband. Of course, their conversation from a few nights ago came back to haunt her, as she considered that what she’d predicted had come to pass – one of Mal’s enemies had hunted them down, and now not only was she in danger, but their unborn child as well.

Whirling on her, Inara pulled her thoughts from her musings and shot the woman a cold gaze as she strode towards her. Roughly grabbing her chin in her hand, Inara grimaced as Igor, the man, tightened his grips on her arms, digging into her skin. The gag around her mouth kept her from crying out, but Inara wanted to as she felt the circulation to her hands slowing.

“Where is he?” Stef spit out, her breath hot on Inara’s cheek.

With a defiant expression, Inara simply returned her angry gaze. As the two women stayed lock in their stare, it was finally Stef who seemed to think she had the upperhand.

With a wicked grin, she pulled back slightly, and eyed Igor over Inara’s shoulder. “Maybe the brat’ll tell us,” she said, eyeing Inara for a reaction.

While she knew that her daughter, having been trained since the time she could walk on what to do should both her parents go missing, would long ago have tracked down the local authorities, Inara didn’t really fear either of these hundans finding her. But still, Mimi’s sweet face haunted her thoughts, and so, in an effort to play their game and possibly find an escape, Inara let her eyes fill with fear, a few tears pooling in them.

Trying more fervently to speak against the dirty cloth they had shoved in her mouth, Igor ground his hands around her wrists as Stef moved back towards her. Placing one finger on the gag, she said, “So, now you’re gonna tell us where that no-good husband of yours is?”

Nodding once, Inara swallowed hard and waited for her to remove the cloth. “’Bout time,” the mercenary muttered, telling her captive, “You scream or so much as speak above a whisper and I’ll make you wish you’d never met Malcolm Reynolds.”

Inara knew that was an empty threat – there was nothing this woman could do that would make her regret meeting and loving her husband – well, nothing that he himself hadn’t probably already done.

Sputtering and coughing as the rag was removed, Inara returned her defiant gaze to the woman and watched as she waited impatiently. When it became clear to her that Inara would need a bit more coaxing, she stepped in close and ground out, “Where is he?”

Not flinching, Inara held firm, and waited until Stef had turned away from her again in disgust. With a forceful stomp, she landed her heeled foot right into Igor’s instep, causing the man to loosen his grip for just a second; and it was all the second Inara needed. Having been trained in self-defense from the time she’d entered the guild, Inara knew how to break the grasp of a man from just about any position – she had only needed the brute to lessen his hold and she’d just accomplished that.

Gathering her skirts in her hand, she stumbled away from him as Stef reached for her and sidestepping the woman’s grab, Inara made it about halfway down the alley by the time Igor caught up with her. With a heavy hand, he grabbed for her wrist and closed his big hand around it again, yanking on her arm violently. With a cry, Inara felt her shoulder pull and as she whirled to pull away from him, Stef tackled her from the side, careening into her with a force Inara had not expected and slamming them both to the ground, Stef landing heavily on top of Inara.

As Inara felt pain flow through her lower back, her head cracked down on the edge of the wooden sidewalk and the last thing she saw before blackness consumed her was Stef’s fist connecting with the side of her face.

***

Mal and Zoe were returning from their very eventful meeting early and Mal was glad. He was eager to tell his wife and daughter about the luck they’d just encountered; heaven knows they’d had enough bad luck for about five lifetimes, he couldn’t wait to share the news that they’d finally managed to uncover some good.

Swinging the mule back up and around to the market, Mal had let Zoe drive, and he hopped out before the vehicle had even come to a complete stop. Bounding up and onto the porch, movement out of the corner of his eye stopped him from entering the building and, pulling his gun, he headed towards the corner of the building, even as he heard Zoe jump down to the ground and join him.

Whirling, the sight before him made him sick to his stomach and he would never know what prevented him for retching at that very moment. Inara was unconscious on the ground, Stef landing a decisive blow to the side of her head. Pulling back to take another swing, Mal cocked his gun in her direction and got her attention.

Glancing to him, Stef’s gleeful smile drained away and she rose slowly. “Quite a woman you got there, Reynolds,” she said quietly, her tone one of disgust. “Gotta say though, I think I was better.”

“You ain’t never been better at anythin’,” Mal told her coldly, his eyes never wavering from her face, even as his heart pulled at him to run to his wife. He felt more than heard Zoe come up behind him and heard the hammer on her gun pull back as well. “You’ll wanna be leavin’ now,” Mal bit out towards his ex-lover, noting that the big brute from Greenleaf was also with her, advancing slowly.

Either noting her disadvantage or just deciding that revenge would be sweeter the longer she waited, Stef shrugged and moved back down the alley and out of Mal’s line of fire. Zoe stalked towards both of them as they retreated, clearing Mal’s path so he could get to Inara’s side. Still not taking his eyes from Stef, he watched her open her mouth to say something, and without hesitation he fired off a shot, hitting just over Stef’s shoulder, splintering wood from the side of the building. With a new grimace on her features, the woman and Igor beat a path out of the alley.

Zoe continued to follow trying to get a lead as to where they might be heading as she knew there was no way Mal was letting this go, while Mal moved to Inara’s side quickly, holstering his gun as he knelt beside her.

Trying to quell the overwhelming fear that gnawed at his gut, he brushed a light hand across her head, noting the blood that was draining steadily down her face. “’Nara, darlin’, can you hear me?”

She made no move, gave no sign that she could hear him and that frightened Mal even more. As Zoe rejoined him, he turned a worried gaze to her and asked, “Mimi?”

Zoe nodded once and placing a light hand to his shoulder, told him, “I’m sure both those girls knew exactly what to do. I reckon I’ll find ‘em both with the sheriff.”

Mal swallowed thickly and told her, “We need to get ‘Nara to the doc and then I need you to go get her.”

Zoe held his gaze steadily and then moved around to Inara’s other side. She saw the blood coming from the woman’s head and as she and Mal both heaved Inara up, Zoe said a silent prayer that that was the worst of her friend’s injuries.

***

Mal was sitting at Inara’s side, holding her cold hand when Zoe returned with Mimi in her arms and Ellie at her side. At the sight of her father, Mimi let out a loud, “Daddy!” and lurched for him, almost falling out of Zoe’s grasp.

Smiling lightly at his baby girl, Mal reached for her and pulled her tight against him, sitting her in his lap. Her eyes growing wide at the sight of her mother lying unconscious, Mimi looked up to her father, tears pooling in the bottom of her big, brown eyes. “What s’matter with mama? She sleepin’?”

Trying to suppress his own tears, he pressed a kiss into her soft hair and wrapped his arms tighter around her small form. “Yeah, darlin’, she’s sleepin’. She’s not feelin’ so good.”

With a newfound empathy, Mimi turned back to look at her mother. Reaching out a small hand, she patted Inara’s hand gently and started to hum, the same tune that Inara always sang to her. At the tiny sound, Mal buried his face into his daughter’s hair and blinked back the tears he felt forming.

The doctor had confirmed his worst fear just twenty minutes ago and that pain, the knowledge that Inara had lost their child, was still with him, keeping control over his mind and emotions as he tried to reconcile how this could have happened and why. He knew there was no why, everything they’d been through with River had taught him that, but he still could not dismiss the fact that Inara had been in such a dangerous situation because of him.

They had been in tight spots before, that was true. But Mal had always known, even against some of the worst odds, that his family would survive. They were smart and strong and brave, each of them and he always had felt a great confidence in their ability to weather any challenge – not anymore.

Leaning back against her father, Mimi stopped humming as her eyes started to drift closed. She was well overdue for her afternoon nap and the events of the morning had tired her out. Looking back to her father, she turned a bit in his arms to give herself a more comfortable pillow. “Mama’ll be okay, right daddy?” she murmured, her voice lowering in volume as sleep started to envelope her.

Kissing her again, Mal rocked her a bit as he answered, “Yes, baby. Mama’s gonna be fine.”

***

It took Simon a few days, but he was soon at least standing on his own two feet. Working with the hospital’s physical therapy team was a tiring process, but he soldiered through each exercise, each test, each challenge, knowing that he had two new babies on the way, two beautiful children already chomping at the bit for him to be well again, and a beautiful wife he was only too eager to please.

It was late on the night of his fifth day when he and Kaylee were sharing a quiet moment that River interrupted them. Knocking lightly on the door as she pushed it open, both of them turned to her and smiled as she asked, “Do you have a minute?”

Patting the bed next to her, Kaylee’s smile grew wider as she said, “Of course, sweetie.” As River moved into the room and took a seat, Kaylee’s eyes danced playfully as she commented, “I haven’t seen you and Jayne around for a few days. Did you two have fun?”

River blushed, just a bit and then laughed as Simon interjected. “I don’t want to know.”

Throwing Kaylee a knowing look, River squeezed her hand and said, “I’ll fill you in later.”

Kaylee returned the look and the grin, while Simon continued to regard his sister with a trained eye. “What is it, mei mei?”

Glancing to her brother, River was not surprised that he had picked up on her hesitation. Clearing her throat she said, “Well, I wanted to talk with you both, about Rylee.”

Fear instantly raced across Kaylee’s face, and River watched as she gripped Simon’s hand. “What about Rylee?”

Trying to placate her with a patient grin, River patted her hand and said, “It’s really nothing bad, I think we just need to talk a bit about her abilities and where to go from here.”

Exchanging a look with her husband, Kaylee looked back and met River’s gaze, even as Simon spoke. “You know we’re very grateful for all you’ve done for her over these past few weeks.” Raising his arm, Simon wrapped it around Kaylee’s shoulders and pulled her close. “We wouldn’t have had any idea on where to begin, let alone how to help her.”

River tried to reassure them both by telling them quickly, “Yes you would have. You love her, that’s all she really needs, all she really needs to know. What I’m teaching her, it’s just helping the process along.”

“What is the process exactly?” Kaylee asked, her gaze still fearful, but her anxiety waning as she snuggled in tighter to Simon’s chest. “I mean, where do we go from here?”

Taking a deep breath, River told her, “Well, there really isn’t a set path. I can work with her, as I’ve worked with Cadie over the past few years. Helping her to build walls, to filter out emotions, to control her own …”

She trailed off and Simon did not miss that she wasn’t finished. “What aren’t you saying, River?”

Meeting his steady gaze, River smiled shyly at him and finally admitted, “I initially thought, when Rylee’s abilities first surfaced that she would have an affinity for reading, but that she probably would not be as strong as myself or Cadie.”

She paused again, causing Kaylee to panic. “But?” the young mother prompted searching River’s eyes for the answers she was trying to withhold.

“But,” River continued, “I think I was wrong.” Looking to first her brother and then to Kaylee she told them both, “I’m thinking she’s actually more gifted than I could ever hope to be.”

Kaylee inhaled sharply at the thought, while Simon’s face remained unreadable. River knew that they had both had a difficult time dealing with the knowledge that Rylee was a Reader. They’d both had a hard enough time dealing with the fact that River was a Reader and a low-level psychic. The idea that their daughter’s abilities could actually surpass her aunt sent a jolt of fear and shock to their systems.

“You’re sure?” Simon asked quietly, recovering before Kaylee who was blinking back tears.

Shrugging slightly, River answered, “As sure as I can be.” Giving Simon her patented annoyed look, she told him, “It’s not an exact science.”

Smiling at her, Simon pressed a kiss to Kaylee’s temple. Turning a shocked expression to him, she asked quietly, “What’re we gonna do? We can’t help her with this.” Biting her lip, she finally whispered, “I don’t want her to …” Kaylee let the statement die, realizing right before the words came that they would be an insult to River and that was not what she had intended.

But River already knew what was in her heart. Taking her hand, River waited until Kaylee’s green eyes looked to her and said gently, “I know. You don’t want her to suffer, like I did. But I don’t think she will.”

As both of their gazes turned confused, River continued. “Rylee has something very important working for her. She’s got a loving family and she’s surrounded by that love everyday.” Simon averted his gaze to the bedspread, his thoughts instantly consumed with all the words River was not saying. He was drawing the parallels she refused to voice, knowing how badly it would hurt him. Rylee would be better off than she because their daughter was surrounded by love like River never had been. While Simon had loved her, with everything he’d had, it had not been enough to ground her in reality.

Forging ahead, River swallowed thickly and said, “She has two parents who love her and know how to show her that love. You also love each other, which I think is going to be key. And she’s got Daniel who would literally do anything for her, even though they fight from time to time.”

“And she’s got you,” Kaylee said quietly, squeezing River’s hand in her own.

Smiling warmly, River agreed. “Yes, she’s got me.” She paused again, waiting for them to digest her words and then said, “Besides, more than half of what I suffered through had nothing to do with my natural abilities. It had to do with the Academy and what they did to me there. Rylee will never go through that.”

Silence fell between the three of them and it was finally Kaylee who asked, in a quiet voice, “Is she gonna be okay?”

River smiled again and told her, “Yes, she’s going to be fine. But I think it’s only fair to note that we’re all going to have to make some adjustments, especially in these first few months as Rylee is just starting to learn what to shut out and how. It’s going to be a slow process for her, and we’re all going to need to patient; with her and each other.” River grinned again, this time looking a tad more mischievous.

Rolling his eyes, Simon said, “All right, I won’t call you a brat for a few months, will that make you happy?”

River chuckled at him and nodded once, “Yes, that should do the trick.”

“That means you have to cease and desist all bratty behavior,” he added, looking to her with an amused grin.

Shaking her head firmly, River told him, “Nope. You should have stated your terms up front. You said you wouldn’t call me a brat for a few months – no addendums, no fine print.”

Smirking at her, Simon opened his mouth and then shut it again just as quickly. Looking between the two siblings, Kaylee was also smiling as she looked back to her husband. “You were gonna say it, weren’t ya?”

Nodding once, Simon pouted as he said, “Yes, I can’t believe I let you talk me into that.” Shooting his sister a look, he actually stuck his tongue out at her, a completely un-Simon-like expression.

Laughing even harder, River stood and placed a kiss to first Kaylee’s cheek and then to Simon’s. “You are such an easy mark,” River told him, before turning with a lightness to her step and exiting the room.

***

Regan was waiting for River as she emerged from Simon’s room and at the sight of her mother’s drawn face, all the joy drained from River’s. Going to her quickly, she asked, “Mother, are you all right?”

Nodding once, Regan put an arm around her shoulders and led her towards the waiting room at the end of the hall. Once they had taken seats, she looked back to her daughter and smiling sadly said, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk with you about.”

River met her mother’s concerned gaze steadily, trying to pick up from the woman exactly what had her so bothered. But her emotions were swirling through her mind: concern, anger, love, hate – it was all too much for River to process, so instead she focused back on her face and her gaze and waited for her to continue.

With a heavy sigh, Regan placed a light hand to her daughter’s cheek and began. “When Simon called me all those weeks ago and told me what had happened, I felt terrible.” River did not give in to the sadness that immediately sprang to mind at the mention of her lost child, instead just continuing to listen. “I immediately went looking for the records he wanted, pulling out as many old files and culling through data that your father and I had stored since you were born. I even called up your old pediatrician and asked him to send along any and everything he could find.”

River nodded, digesting this information, fighting to keep her eyes clear as she read the hurt and concern coming off her mother. With another sigh, Regan reached into the bag she’d brought and pulled out a handful of data sticks. “This is all the information I could find.”

River stared at the slim rods with a look horror and anticipation. With a shaky hand, she closed her fingers around them and pulled them into her lap, fingering their smooth surfaces and staring at them intently. What they would contain River had no idea and she had honestly thought she wouldn’t care. She had tried very hard for her own sake, for Jayne’s, for Simon and Kaylee’s to put the miscarriage behind her, to move forward with her life and she thought that meant she had dismissed what could or could not be included in the information she held in her hands. But she realized as a lump settled itself in her throat and refused to dissolve, no matter how hard she swallowed, that she did want to know – desperately.

Raising now teary eyes to her mother, she squeezed her hand and said, “Thank you.”

Regan returned her sad smile, her own eyes clouded with tears. Keeping a hold of the hand River had taken Regan locked her eyes on hers and said, “There’s more.”

Puzzled, River waited while she explained. “I don’t know what made me think of it, but while I was gathering all of that information for you, I decided to go poking around in your father’s things from his office. I had never really gone through them before.” Swallowing thickly, Regan again reached into her bag and pulled out two data sticks, slightly thicker and opaque – government issue. “I found these in a box marked with your name on it.”

River took them with an even shakier hand, completely at a loss as to what to say. Regan watched her for a moment and then said, “I have no idea what’s on them, I’ve never seen them before and I didn’t read them.” Pausing, Regan bit back some of her own tears as she said, “I figured that whatever is on there, you deserve to decide how best to deal with it.”

River nodded once and then gathered the information into her hands. Wrapping her arms around her mother, River held her tightly and whispered, “Thank you.”

Patting her back, Regan closed her eyes against her own tears, and said, “Don’t thank me yet, sweetheart. Wait until you see what’s on them first.”

Pulling back from her, River held her gaze and said, “It doesn’t matter what’s on them, mother. It’s not your fault and I have a right to know. That’s what I’m thanking you for.”

Smiling weakly at her, Regan watched as she rose. River paused for a moment and then asked, “Can I use your transport? I don’t want to use a public access terminal.”

Nodding once, Regan told her, “Of course, dear.” Smiling, River turned to go, wishing she could quell her rising nausea. “River.”

Her mother’s soft voice pulled her back and turning, she faced the older woman’s saddened features. “I love you.”

Not sure she could say it and mean it, but not sure that she shouldn’t try, River smiled weakly and said, “Love you,” before turning and hurrying from the building.

***