Rating: PG13 Disclaimer: the usual, all Joss's Spoilers; the timeline is probably post-BDM, but Wash is here, 'cus I love him, even though I can't really write him.

Author's Note: Can be taken as following Tingles/Shivers, though I think River's voice is a little different in this.

Sleep Study Part 1 of 2

“You’re provin’ how crazy ya are, girl, ‘cus I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No I don’t!”

“You do. Boob.”

The argument was loud enough (Jayne’s side of it, at least) to be heard down the corridor and into the mess. But it cut off abruptly as its participants reached the door into said mess. When they both tried to fit through that door at the same time, querulous voices resumed as each claimed right-of-way. Jayne, being so much larger than River, shoved through and was champion of the Battle for Entry. His glory, and smirk, lasted approximately 2.5 seconds, just until River had brought her swiftly elevated and precisely aligned leg alongside his skull, causing him to stagger backward with the impact. She followed up with a low-diving tackle to his knees which ended with him below, her above, and her supercilious expression inches from his face. But her gleeful enjoyment of their grappling shone clearly in her brown eyes. He felt his heart hitch when she tipped her chin down and smiled, sweet and soft.

Jayne, rather pleased also at the exertion and the excuse for contact, let himself smile back. Just for a second. Then he bucked his torso but he couldn’t push her off without doing real damage to her - or she to him. So he resumed their argument from his supine position, while working his wrists out of her gripping fists.

“There’ve been dozens, no hundreds of times”- he paused to smirk again, and caught her around the waist –“someone could’ve told me. No one ever has.”

River shook her head remonstratively, even as he flipped her off and his body over to hold her down. But for all his size and strength, she had agility on him, and wriggled out and away and rolled to her feet.

“You confuse quality with quantity, Jayne. And is this really a discussion you wish to hold here?” With a saccharine smile, she swiveled a smooth ninety degrees around, gesturing, to reveal a full table of crewmembers. Crewmembers present every one except Simon, and who - depending on personal disposition - variously gaped, snorted, or glared in their direction. And who Jayne had been workin’ hard to make sure had no idea that he was thinkin’ on the resident moonbrain, or that she gave every sign of reciprocatin’ his, uh, thinkin’.

Jayne had surged to his feet, but checked the forward progress of his charge at the small person before him. Not because he didn’t want her on the floor again, but because he preferred not to put on a show for all the people staring at them. He also didn’t reply to her taunt, since he didn’t want those same people to know River had accused him of snoring. Or that she’d just insulted his whoring. Or that she would (if it were true, which it weren’t) have good reason to know whether he snored.

“If you two are through scarin’ last night's meal out of us, we might like to get back to concentratin’ on this fine breakfast,” drawled Mal’s voice.

“Not that we don’t appreciate the morning wake-up,” Wash inserted quickly, ignoring his wife’s look of warning. “But I’m confused”-

“We’re all used to that,” Jayne muttered as he pulled out his chair a fraction of a second later than River did her own. His head was starting to ache where she’d kicked him. “You’re all up kinda early.”

“No,” Zoë inserted, dry as always, “You … two … are late.”

Jayne hid his wince by glaring at River. Then broke that up when he realized people would wonder why he felt their lateness was her fault. He didn’t want them thinkin’ on that. Even though it was her fault.

What with her followin’ him into his bunk after she’d piloted them off-world, a person’d think he’d’ve gotten good and sexed last night. And the person would’ve been dead wrong, gorramit. They’d gotten what she obviously considered hot ‘n heavy (well, if he was honest, it had felt that way to him too), and then she’d backed off. Curled up on the floor beside his bunk and said she wasn’t ready.

Leavin’ him to curse a blue streak, and lecture her about blue balls, and then take care of his very hard problem by himself in the dark. With her right there in the room, because she’d inexplicably refused to leave. After that, he figured she deserved to sleep on the floor with no blanket or anything, but a glimpse of her twisted up with her head on her arm ‘smote his conscience’, like his ma used to say she wished would happen more often. So he ordered River up on the bunk with him, which she didn’t argue at all, and she curled into his side with her dress on. It took awhile but he’d been ‘bout all the way to sleep, despite her disturbing nearness, when she’d said,

“I’m sorry.”

He’d sighed, and reminded himself how young and crazy she was. Then he’d had to hurry on past that when guilt at her even bein’ in his bunk threatened to rear its head. But he told her it was OK; they wouldn’t do anything she wasn’t ready for. And he’d proceeded to finally fall asleep.

And, if River was to be believed, to snore. Which had occasioned this morning's argument.

Jayne glared once around the table, hittin’ every nosy person with his eyes for just long enough to convey his ‘leave-us-alone’ message, then reached for the serving bowl. Beside him, River was intently being oblivious to the questions and commands issuing from Kaylee and Mal. As he plopped protein unto his plate Jayne reviewed the level of frustration he’d felt last night, and figured he’d maybe worked some of it out with this morning’s little wrestling match. Or increased it, it was a tough call. Either way the level was rising now as he tried to avoid Mal’s expression and wasn’t quite successful. He wasn’t expecting what he found there, though; Mal looked . . . like he was sending a warning? Not a threat, just a heads-up to a comrade type of thing. That was mighty confusin’.

But right then Simon came through the door and Jayne began to frantically revamp his thoughts on how much the captain knew about what was happenin’ with him and River. Because Mal and Zoë looked at each other, Mal nodded, Zoë arched one of those superior brows at Jayne, and rode right over Kaylee and Wash’s questioning voices with a medical question. It shut Kaylee and Wash up and captured Simon’s attention before he even greeted his sister. River, beside Jayne, gave a disturbing little giggle.

“I have research to do,” she told her spoonful of protein. Jayne decided it was best to seem to ignore her.

When she disappeared after breakfast, though, he felt the need to hunt her down. He didn’t bother tryin’ to figure out why, just chalked it up to lust and went lookin’. He found her up on the bridge, even though bein’ between planets like they were a pilot didn’t necessarily have to be in the seat all the time. She was the only one there when he stepped in. She was bent over the cortex, and held out one ‘wait’ finger in his direction while she flicked back and forth through the information scrolling past on the screen. He crossed his arms and took a private moment to just look at her, watch her movements, and stare at intriguing body parts.

“Here!” River’s emphatic vocalization interrupted his perusal of her rounder aspects. She turned to him, nodding. “We will be on Beaumonde next week. Medical facilities exist there. You can be assessed, diagnosed, and treated.”

Jayne angled his neck to see around her; she was pointing at the screen, on which flashed the characters for “Tired of waking up tired?” and in English, “Get tested for sleep apnea. Methusaleh’s Sleep Clinic”. Before/after anime flashed, one of a droopy hound-dog-eyed grizzled man, the other of a perky, bright-eyed woman. He shoved aside the thought of how much the brown-haired character looked like River to focus on what the real girl was sayin’.

“’scuse me?” Jayne had no clue where her brain was flyin’ off too, but he wasn’t flyin’ with her. “Ain’t nobody gonna be assessin’ me or any of that other stuff you said.” For some reason, an image of River lyin’ on the diagnostic bed on Ariel flickered in his head. Didn’t look like anythin’ he wanted to do.

“Your snoring could be because of an obstruction. Your blood oxygen saturation could be dropping while you sleep, Jayne. Do you not care that this can make you tired? Slow your reactions? It can be dangerous even for those who do not live by the gun. Lack of oxygen to the grey matter causes brain damage . . .” her eyes widened suddenly. “Actually, that could explain many of the things you do and say.”

“Hey! I may be dumb, but I ain’t got no brain damage, girl. I sleep just fine. No whore ever told me I snore.” He paused, considered that his whores might not be the best subject to add to the conversation. “Anyway, I’m fine, and so’s my reaction speed; didn’t see you complainin’, the last job we was on.”

River judged Jayne’s recalcitrant expression and decided to try her hand at some of those feminine wiles she’d heard Captain Daddy whine about a few times. She rose elegantly from her chair, trailing the leg she’d been sitting on so that it caught Jayne’s eye. Smoothing her hand down one thigh, she pressed down to catch her dress material and draw it with her when she moved her hand back up. She took steps toward him while she did it.

“Perhaps,” she breathed, sorting through her head for remembered conversations and trying to speak as Inara might in this situation, “by the time you were cured, I would be … ready . . .” she trailed off, trying to make the silence significant. But Jayne’s eyes were glued to the edge of her skirt, following its course as it exposed more and more leg. River dropped the cloth abruptly, annoyed that he wasn’t listening, and straightened from what she’d hoped was a seductive posture.

“Snoring is unattractive. I will not sleep with a man who does.” After this abrupt speech she brushed past the startled merc, who was still staring at her now-hidden limbs, and out into the corridor. He swiveled to blink after her as she strode away.

Visions of pale thighs entwined themselves around the words she’d thrown at him.

“Well,” he muttered, “if that ain’t the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard outta you.”

________________________

River knew Jayne couldn’t figure out why she was in his bunk again. He wasn’t accustomed to anyone besides him inhabiting this space, and she could read the uneasiness radiating from him. She’d brought her own blanket and pillow, and he stared at the edge trailing across the deck as she approached him. But she’d bothered to knock instead of just coming down, and he’d known it was her when he let her in. So she unhesitatingly dropped her things and bent to arrange them into a makeshift bed on the floor. Jayne didn’t say anything, just kept staring, maybe at her nightgown. It was one Simon had purchased, and she’d never given it any thought. Now, though, she glanced down at the plain cotton covering her from neck to ankles. She frowned at it, realizing that except for size it could easily be a little girl’s nightgown.

Behind her, Jayne sighed, sitting down on his bunk. He had a t-shirt and shorts on; River eyed them enviously as she seated herself on her folded blanket.

“You gonna do this every night?” Jayne wanted to know, from where he’d swung his legs up unto his bunk.

River shrugged. “If you like.” She smirked. He glared. But he didn’t say he didn’t like.

“Well, I’m not havin’ ya sleep on the deck and get a cold. Yer brother’ll set on me and make me all kinds of discomfort. Get up here.” He was holding back the blanket he’d already climbed under.

With a radiant grin, River approached, bringing her pillow and leaving her blanket behind. Jayne lay with his back to his gun wall, holding up the covers; when she was stretched out beside him he lowered them and made sure they were drawn about her shoulders. River turned her head to send him a soft smile as he tucked her in. He jerked his hands back with a scowl, then paused. Bracing an arm on either side of her, he leaned in till his face hovered over hers. River pulled a hand out from under the blanket to run it over his jaw, feeling the prickle of his beard stubble. He growled at her.

“You decided yer ready yet?” He rumbled at her, turning his face into her palm. He was pretty sure the answer was no, seein’ she’d been prepared to sleep on the floor. But it couldn’t hurt to ask.

Sure ‘nuf, River sighed and shook her head. But her eyes looked regretful, so he didn’t snipe at her. Instead, he took heart and lay back down beside her. He left his arms as they had been, though. One draped over hers and across her tummy. River snaked her hand around till it lay on his forearm, and made a little purr of contentment that vibrated through his chest and caused stirrin’ in lower parts of his anatomy. He focused on calming that down, which was an effort; it wasn’t his way, wasn’t something he usually bothered to do. River dropped off to sleep while he lay starin’ at the darkened room and wonderin’ what was happenin’ to him. He had a gorgeous woman in his room, in his bunk, in his arms, and he wasn’t sexin’ her. And he hadn’t even made a real fuss about it. The ‘verse was upside down.

_______________________________

Jayne roused with difficulty the next morning. He’d always come awake slow, unless there was a reason to snap to alertness. And today he had an added excuse; this was the second night he’d spent with someone he wasn’t sexin’. It was just an odd thing to be doin’, and even wrong. He told River’s back so as he pulled on clean pants and a shirt. Then she made him turn his back as she climbed into a dress he hadn’t noticed she had with her last night.

He swiveled back around when she laid her hand on his arm; she raised up on her tip-toes to brush a sweet swift kiss over his cheek and he decided maybe it wasn’t so wrong that they take it slow. Slow like the kiss he pulled her into, ‘cus no cheek-kissin’ was enough. He made it deep and moist and heavy, molding her form to his and lettin’ her get a literal taste of what she was missin’. She sighed under the demands of his mouth, opened for him like he’d been teachin’ her to do, and their tongues met with a sudden ferocity that startled him. He wasn’t too experienced at the kissin’ thing; River was the only person he’d kissed in pro’ly ten years, not countin’ his Ma. And this was certainly not how he kissed his Ma …

River was pulling away, and he let her go regretfully. He observed her quickened breathing and flushed face with smug satisfaction, while she used his comb on her hair. After he made sure there was no one in the corridor to see her climb out of his bunk, they hustled up the ladder. And then River chose to revisit yesterday's argument.

Jayne growled at her. “Ya gonna threaten ‘bout not sleepin’ with me again? Because I gotta say, if we’re not gonna be sexin’, I don’t see the point. Ya might as well stay in yer own bunk.”

River stopped and moved so she could see him straight-on. “There is a point,” she assured him. “I am attempting to adjust the priorities of both of us. When they match, we may proceed.”

That didn’t make no sense a-tall. “You can’t readjust my priorities, moonbrain. They’re mine.” He'd never taken the time before, but he paused to mentally sort those priorities. It didn't take long, they were simple; first, stay alive. Second, stay happy, which meant stay as sexed and as monied as possible.

“Really, Jayne,” River said softly, “Are you happy? I think happy people aren’t so grumpy.”

“I’m not grumpy,” he grumped at her. She grinned.

“I think you would be happy, with different priorities. Less money, more family. Less sexing, more loving.”

He just blinked at her for a minute. Less sexin’? Weren’t gonna happen, he didn’t get enough as it was, out here in the black.

“That’s what you’re tryin’ to readjust my priorities to? Family and lovin’?”

River dropped eye contact sudden-like, and shrugged. Like maybe she thought she’d said too much. He didn’t know if he was angry, or shocked or what; she was tryin’ to rearrange his whole ‘verse-view. What could he say to that, except ‘ain’t no ruttin’ way’? Actually, he wasn’t sure that really was what he wanted to say. And now she was gettin' him confused.

River’s grin was back. Maybe she was readin’ him. He reached out and yanked hard on a lock of soft brown hair, and she scowled ferociously at him, punched at his arm. He laughed when she hit her mark, solidly; and then chased after her as she swung away giggling.

So for the second morning in a row they made a commotion entering the galley. Those already sitting at table looked up to the sound of pounding booted feet, Jayne’s growls, and a thud followed by River’s laughing screech. River skidded to a halt just inside the door, then straightened her shoulders and her hair and walked sedately to her chair. Jayne pressed his hand to a shoulder he knew was at least bruised and followed after, gracing everyone with a morning frown, and trying to ignore Mal’s smirk.

“Well, now, you two are just so interesting lately.” It was Wash’s drawl; trust him to not be able to keep his mouth shut. Neither Kaylee nor Simon was yet present, so Jayne just shook his head.

“No we’re not,” he told the pilot, in what for him passed as a mild tone.

“Yes we are,” River contradicted from beside him. Jayne kicked her and tried to give her a significant look, like the private ones Zoë was always sendin’ Wash. But it didn’t work.

“We’re veeerry interesting.” River inored Jayne's agitation and blessed the room’s only married couple with a look so superior it put any one of Zoë’s to shame. “We're much more interesting than the two of you.”

“I don't know if I resent that or not,” Zoë said with an undertone of laughter. River shrugged and took a bite. Seeing her mouth was full enough to keep her from talkin’ and gettin’ them in more trouble, Jayne saw to his own breakfast. So the room and its occupants appeared quite normal when Simon and Kaylee entered it a few moments later.

__________________________