Red Run Chapter 11 Suicide by Jayne

10 hours out from Ita Moon

The group meeting broke up a little before 3pm Earth Standard. Leaving a part of the day remaining and some chores still to be done. Mal climbed to the flight deck and made sure all the controls checked out, as well as catching a sneak peek to make sure no ships were following, or in near proximity. Not that he distrusted the long-range scanner alert to notify them, he just liked to be cautious. Luckily, Serenity ran all alone. Working his way down to the galley at evening meal, he’d been unsurprised to find Jayne, and River absent. He was mildly surprised to find Inara absent, but he learned that she had appeared long enough to construct a sandwich before departing back to her shuttle, reportedly intent on carrying out some chores of her own. Zoë and he therefore shared a meal with Simon and Kaylee. Kaylee and Zoë ended up making a mutual pact that involved the complete isolation of Jayne Cobb from any and all activities on the boat. Mal stepped in when they threatened to not feed Jayne. That was too far he reckoned. But he didn’t tell them they couldn’t stop talking to Jayne. Understanding their feelings because he’d once shared them made this decision easy for Mal. In the future, maybe they would come around and forgive the merc. Considering Zoë’s ability to hold a grudge though… Kaylee and Simon, of course, also talked about River. Simon appeared alternatively delighted about the revealed nature of his sister’s improvement, but then despondent at the further revelation that some of the safety nets designed to keep herself from harm were removed. Zoë contributed to this by saying that she found herself worried about subliminal signals that might be directed at the ship in the future. More of a danger now that River was the pilot, and therefore the first person to receive any Wavecasts when they came through. Zoë suggested that someone else might need to become the communications officer. Mal, of course, then immediately volunteered her. In the spirit of giving an assignment to the team member who suggests it, he said. Zoë was not amused at this managerial tactic, but didn’t outright refuse the mission either. Kaylee was mostly whole heartened in her delight at River’s improvement, but Mal did see once or twice when Kaylee wore a worried frown. Generally this occurred when either Zoë or he mentioned River. In these moments, Mal wondered if Kaylee’s mind had harkened back to the way she felt after River rescued her at the Skyplex. Wary, and with just a touch of fearful would have been Mal’s diagnosis. At all other times, especially when talking to Simon, Kaylee seemed nothing but delighted. Kaylee and Simon left the table around 8:30, expressing their desire to go to their bunk and “get some sleep”. Zoë informed them that she and Mal would likely be in the dining area for another period of time, and that the youngsters could “sleep” as loud as they wanted without disturbing anyone. Kaylee had favored Zoë with a happy look at that one. Even Mal chuckled a little although he really didn’t much feel like it, being about as far down in the dumps as he could be on the topic of River. Zoë almost brought up the issue of River to Mal a couple of times, but he could see her visibly hesitate, and then internally drop the matter. Perhaps it would be more correct to say that she shelved the matter for later discussion. Eventually even Zoë had wandered off, and then came back to tell him that she’d seen River (reappearing in that magical way of her’s) on the bridge, presumably watching over the ship. Whether this was information that Zoë intended for Mal to use, and perhaps haul himself up to the bridge over, was never clear to Mal. It may have been simply Zoë giving him a ship status report with no overtones intended. Then Zoë left again, headed for her bunk. Left alone, Mal was forced to confront his most recent attempts at ship morale building on his own. Disturbed by this, he decided he instead wanted to go see Inara.

************************************************************

Automatically, her hands performed the standard maintenance checks, checking engine temp, and course vectors by rote. Simple, mostly repetitive, tasks that she could do in her sleep. No real form of distraction in their implementation, but merely something for her hands to do. Finishing her work, River found nothing more to do than sit and look at the stars, not seeing them. Her mind was a storm.

********************************************************************** If she could have, she’d have given herself back to madness. Clutched it like a lover and grappled with it. Taken it to the marriage bed if possible. Forever joined. Never parted. The fecklessness of disjointed being. Why had she ever thought it horrible? The surcease that came from instinctive action absent cognitive volition. The balm that soothes all of the Insane. Direct and uninhibited. She’d rode it before…rode it like a draft animal…welded to it like steel. Now comforting Insanity had thrown her. If she could only get back on the horse. “Make me a stone. Dear God please make me a stone,” he moaned, rocking herself; the mantra falling from her lips in smooth repetition. This was sanity? Pain? Loss? Scaring the people she loved? Begging them to love her, to accept her, but fearful in her own mind she’d kill them. Kill them without even knowing she’d done it. Kill the ones she loved. They SHOULD be frightened. They ALL should be frightened. All those years in the Academy. Disjointed memories of personal atrocities that were committed against her. That weren’t committed against her. After all, how can you touch a person and hurt her when she’s running through a field of flowers a thousand miles away while you carve on her? Bearable pain. Pain of the body while the mind’s in flight. Those mattresses in her dorm room…trying to torture her by furniture. Nosy doctors. Fountain pins dripping blood. Grasping hands. She remembered it. * “I can see you,” she said aloud to the empty bridge of Serenity. In her mind--in her memory--she was looking at a mirror on the day it occurred. Now she looked into the same mind, and saw the same mirror. The blood drenched horror stared into her eyes, mocking her pain with it’s own absence of pain. “Oh God!” she nearly vomited at the sight. Once the memory would have had her scrambling the walls for days in guilt, and savage survival joy. Now? She remembered it. It was disturbing. It was disgusting. It didn’t plunge her into insanity. Useless gorram memory! Where was the salve of lunacy? “I’m a freak. A machine,” she said despondently. “A gorram killing machine.” “Do you leave a killing machine laying around your friends?” The more she thought on it; the less logical it seemed. And now they knew she was frightened of losing control. God she wished she could lose control! They knew what might happen if the Alliance sent her another Wave of subliminal commands. Or if she accidentally triggered an embedded code on her own. Or if she just had a gorram nightmare Or what she feared that they secretly feared. That she’d just have a bad day. They were frightened of her. Lost to her. “I’m a freak,” she thought again. She set herself the problem of suicide. Calculating it as she would a mathematic program, weeding out the variables that were irrelevant (such as her brothers reaction, and Kaylee’s, and Mal’s) and further weeding out the valuation that she add in a monetary sense to the crew, skewing the inputs in her own mind to show how everyone else would be better off without her, and finally even casting aside her own joy at being an adequate pilot of Serenity, until she finally returned to the simple fact that she felt just horribly bad. On the warped depression scale that was her self-concept, it was sufficient justification. She just couldn’t get her survival instinct to cooperate…damnable ingrained genetics. The trump card on humanity’s flight to self-destruction. “Definitely a design flaw there,” she opined. She just couldn’t do it. Freezing at a new thought, she smiled. She knew someone who could. Finding him ought to be easy. Slipping from the ship’s chair, she made her way on bare feet down the corridors. Hiding at the top of the stairs as she heard Mal enter his bunk. Swiftly passing the room (unoccupied her senses told her) of her target, she made her way down through the galley, stopping long enough to retrieve one item, and unsuccessfully trying to stop the upsurge of emotions she felt at the remembrance of the days events that happened there. From past knowledge, and factoring in the time of day, she thought she had a good idea of where to find him. Situationally it was almost tailor made for her purposes. Part of her was now almost joyously happy. The promise of relief after such a long period beckoned her downward. Gathered at her heels, she ran away from her emotional hounds…headed straight for her private Hell.

*********************************************************************** Malcolm Reynolds rambled the interior of Inara’s shuttle, struggling to justify himself to her. Absolutely not listening to her when she kept repeating that justification wasn’t necessary.

Casting aside an over used pillow, Inara again reflected on the morning’s events. Emotional roller coaster ride or not, Inara was more positively disposed toward the event than others in the crew. She cataloged these points to Reynolds. Aside from the revelation that River might kill them and never know she was doing it, she saw little downside. She was especially happy, she told him, with Jayne’s attempts to apologize for past behaviors, although he clearly wasn’t ready to stop committing entirely new self-protective and grossly insulting actions yet.

“And I’m not as upset about it as you Mal,” she again said. “Not at all.”

Mal stood dejectedly. “I swear Inara I had no idea what she was gonna say.”

Inara looked at him consolingly. “There was no way you could know, Mal. None of us knew.”

“I shouldn’t have forced her,” he stated flatly, flagellating himself again.

“I think its good for all of us that you did,” Inara declared. “Now we have a better idea about what might happen with River in the future. That’s worth knowing.”

Mal paced the shuttle. “ I wish I felt that way. Right now I feel like I just pushed her under the wheels of a ground transport. All the while tellin’ her it was for her own good.”

“Mal…what River is feeling isn’t uncommon for her age group. She’s not acting insane. She’s acting like a 17-year-old girl. One who’s been beaten and shattered, and who’s had to find her way back from a place of horror.” Throwing a pillow past his head, she made Mal ducked in alarm and give Inara his eye. “That’s not a crazy woman talking to you Mal. That’s a hormonal teenager. She’s doing the first normal things she’s ever done since coming here.”

“Gorramit, she’s not normal. Not like you mean.” Mal chopped the air impatiently with his hand.

“No. River is…unique…in that regard. But her thought processes aren’t. She’s seeking stability. She’s worried what her peer group thinks of her. She wants to fit in. That’s not insanity…it’s teenagers.” Inara conceded part of his point though. “Although I’ll be the first to admit that the two share many similarities.”

“Well...maybe,” he grumped.

“Of course, you’re also correct that she is a highly psychic teenage assassin who has the ability to run through this ship like a buzz saw and chop us all into mincemeat,” she acknowledged. “But trying to keep us from being scared of her…after she knows we’ve seen what she can do…that’s so sweet of her, Mal. She’s so desperately trying to fit in. We’re the only people she knows and she wants to belong.” Inara fluffed another pillow, and spoke indirectly, “I supported the Alliance during the War, you know. I wonder sometime what River would have been like---. It’s all so horrible what they did Mal. You were so right in that. To a child. An innocent.”

“I had a similar thought myself when talkin’ with her yesterday.” Mal sputtered a moment in embarrassment. “Right after I…you know…hit her.”

Inara shook her head. “Are you ever going to learn to interact with people without punching them out or shooting them?”

Mal rubbed his face. “I been askin’ myself the same thing for the last two days. Truth is I thought I was helpin’. Now…?” he didn’t finish the thought, hung his head and stood facing the shuttles viewport.

Inara had never seen Mal so dejected. Instinctively she knew she shouldn’t touch him in any comforting way. He’d have rejected that. He was stuck having a ‘man moment’. “Mal…I…don’t know if it would help, but I’ll go speak to River.” Snorting at her own words, she appreciated the role reversal. A man expressing his feelings while the woman tried to go fix the problem….about as reversed as they come.

Turning to her, his eyes still troubled, he said, “Would you mind? I wouldn’t normally ask but I know she doesn’t….”

“Not a problem Mal. Let me finish folding these sheets and I’ll go hunt her up. Why don’t you head on back to your bunk and get some sleep? You look exhausted.”

Shaking his head slightly, he smiled at her. “Now that you mention it. I AM a little tuckered. Sleep wouldn’t be no bad thing. I’ve got second shift flying Serenity in another few hours.”

She nodded. “Go on. I’ll go to the Albatross.” Reminding him about his one and only poem in an effort to cheer him. Well…one and only REVEALED poem. “More hidden depths to the man I wonder?” she asked herself. “Maybe he’s read other poems. Have to ask one day.”

Mal chuckled as he walked out. “Right. And thanks again. I’ll talk to ya later about what she said.”

After another hour, Inara finished her shuttlekeeping labors. Untoggling her shuttle door, she stepped down the stairs and immediately saw River trying to kill Jayne in the bay below.

******************************************************** Jayne was into his tenth repetition doing presses when he felt a presence. Seeing a person at the edge of his vision, Jayne turned his head slightly for a better look. It was River, standing about ten feet away, dressed in her standard short dress. No gorram shoes on…as usual. The gorram idiot walkin’ around on a cold floor. “Working out again, Jayne?” she asked quietly. Setting the bar back in the frame, Jayne stood up and answered her question with one of his own. “What if I am?” “Nothing to me. In fact I’m glad you’re here.” “Look,” he stated, feeling the need to justify himself just by her presence, “if you wanna talk about the big group chat we had, I wanna say now that we were all worked up. I was sittin’ there and all of a sudden I just knew what you were scared of. It were my moment, you unnerstand? I don’t get many of ‘em in the smarts department…truth be known…so I said it out loud. Didn’t mean nothin’ by it. Now we’re all one big happy family again.” He said sarcastically, picking up his barbell for a set of curls, not looking at her but focused on the middle distance. “Well, yeah, Jayne, I’m still a little upset that you figured it out, and told everyone. But really that was for the best. You were right. Everyone does need to know.” “Yeah,” he said, not hearing her answer. “Just one big happy family. Zoë passes me three times in the crew passage today after our meetin’ and won’t look at me. I figure the next time we go out on a job I’m catchin’ a bullet from her.” He put his hands in the air and made quotation marks. “’Accidental’..doncha know? And Kaylee tells me to my face that she’s never talkin’ to me again. Inara? Who knows?” He put down his barbell. “Hell…right now, you’re probably the only one who’ll talk to the gun totin’ freak.” He pointed his big finger at his own chest to identify his freak reference. “Story of my life. But I guess everyone gets bad days ever’ now and then. Just blame the ‘Verse and throw down some drinks. Can’t go getting’ raw over every little damn thing.” She shifted uneasily, suddenly looking unsure of herself…lost in thought. “Cold feet?” he asked her. “What?!” she asked in alarm, then realizing his actual meaning. “Oh! No. My feet are fine. Just something you said.” “Really? What did I say?” He’d already forgotten actually. “Every body has a bad day.” She gestured at a nearby crate. “Do you mind if I sit for a minute?” “Like I said, you’re probably the only game in town right now. Just don’t chat my ear off.” Starting another series, he nevertheless had an observation to make. “Never noticed you before to ask a body afore you done nothin’” “I…I …don’t act polite?” Jayne flexed his arms, raising the bar and concentrating at a point on the wall in order to aid in his routine. “Not so much impolite,” he puffed. “More like you never noticed a body was there.” Grudgingly he added, “When you’ve noticed somebody there, you been pretty good about askin’ ‘em. Just ain’t never seen you do it afore now…not to me.” “That makes you feel better,” she stated unequivocally, but with surprise. “Okay,” he said, annoyed slightly. “One rule while I’m workin’ out. Don’t read my mind. ‘Cause I’m usually swearin’ and cussin’ the heavy bars, or else I’m thinkin’ ‘bout naked women or else I’m thinkin’ about who I killed ‘fore now.” He paused and looked at her. “In fact, from now on, in everyday life, why don’t you always just assume I’m workin’ out?” He started lifting again. “You don’t like me, do you Jayne?” “Nope. Can’t say I do.” “Why is that?” “You’re trouble. But I don’t want my brain fried ‘cause of it.” “Jayne…really…that whole brain thing. I lied, okay? Your brain…what little you have….is safe from me.” “Whatever,” he said, disbelieving her. Curious though, she asked him. “Why aren’t you worried about me burning out your brain when you admit that you don’t like me? Aren’t you worried I’ll burn ya out of anger?” She asked mischievously. He answered her seriously. “I don’t figure you’ll fry me down for not likin’ you…otherwise you’d a done it afore now.” He said simply. “You’ll only burn me if I do somethin’ to you or your brother, or Mal, or Kaylee…probably even Zoë, and one thing I gotta figure is you’re honest enough if you’re readin’ my mind to know the truth.” Shrugging his shoulders, he reset the weights. “Probably the only one on board who does know I ain’t never gonna betray y’all again.” “It really surprised me Jayne…when you told that story about the woman…you weren’t lying.” Hugging herself at her sudden chill. “You really felt bad about it.” “No mind readin’” he reminded her. “That was from an old mind reading Jayne…nothing current.” “Uh…okay,” was his reply. “Can’t say I liked her dyin’ the way she done. Didn’t like that boy in Canton dyin’ much either.” “You think….I mean, do you think about him a lot?” she asked. Jayne smiled ironically at her recovery. “Yeah, I do. A lot since we broadcast that Pax Wave.” “You miss….do you ever miss…Book?” she asked neutrally. Jayne sat his weights down. Taking a few moments to determine whether he would answer her or not. “Yes. I miss him. We’d come down here and lift and talk about stuff. He didn’t look down on me like most preachers have done in my life. Didn’t much judge me, but he wasn’t scared to tell me when he thought I was wrong either.” Giving her a knowing look, he smiled grimly. “Takes a brave man to do that.” “Did you respect him for that?” she asked, remembering this time to phrase the question correctly. “Respect Book? Hell girl, that was the finest damn man ever lived. Give ya the shirt off his back. Try to save your soul when you don’t deserve it.” He squatted on the bench. “If you didn’t know that than I guess I was right. Get past all them brains of yours and you ain’t so smart.” “Maybe I’m not,” she agreed softly. “I did something once that…upset him.” “His Bible? He told me.” Jayne said matter of factly. She touched her face as the flush rose. “He did? I thought he wouldn’t tell anyone about that.” Jayne started laughing. A deep belly rumbler. “Are you kiddin’ me? He cussed a blue streak. Even I learned new words that day…that ain’t no easy task, trust me. But I think he was less upset about that than what you said about his hair.” River sat immobile. The momentary bit of banter that she’d shared with Jayne slipped away. “That’s right…I made an old man uncomfortable about his hair once, too,” she thought. The depth of the self-pity that rushed through her was amazing from a clinical standpoint. “I never meant to make him—“ she said then stopped, one breath away from tears. Jayne, hearing her, mistakenly assumed that she was about to cry for Book. Not recognizing tears of self-pity. Therefore he only said, “He weren’t that upset. More a joke twixt him and me anyway.” “Jayne….everybody is scared of me now,” she said, by way of introducing her plan. He groaned. “If you’re gonna start this gorram conversation again and have the whole damn ship down here sittin’ on the floor, at least have the kindness to walk out the airlock and go fetch some popcorn.” This time she wasn’t going to be put off. “Like I say Jayne, every one is scared of me, and there is no place here for me now, and I need you to do something.” Jayne turned his back to her and added a few weights to his press bar. Hoping to slip the verbal shot in on her, cause that was just him, Jayne said, “Kinda tired right now to be doin’ favors. Specially for someone I don’t particularly like. And yeah, maybe everybody is scared. Course it don’t help none with you bein’ some kinda time bomb freak waitin’ to go---“ Having completed his turn, he now stared at River, still dressed in her short dress and bare feet. Only now she had hopped off the crate and was holding a damn butcher’s knife at waist level in her left hand, with the point sitting in the palm of her right. She nodded gratefully. “Thanks Jayne. For bringing it all back into perspective for me.” “What the hell you doin’?” Jayne asked loudly in alarm. Heaving his set of barbells away from himself, Jayne tucked his body and rolled to his left, away from River, the barbells rolling noisily away from the two, impacting their cargo of salvaged parts near the ramp exit. “I must be dreamin’ again,” Jayne thought to himself, as he clambered to his feet. “This is so real though. Not like the last time.” “I’m not a dream Jayne. This IS real. I’ve come for you,” she said cryptically. Jayne felt his face drain of blood. Frantically he searched for his holdout revolver, the one he always left under his towel while he was working out. The towel he always left on the right side of the bench…cause he was right handed….so’s the gun would be closer if he needed to grab it. The gun that now rested three feet in front of River, and twelve feet from him, cause he’d had to roll left instead of right. He was a dead man. He’d seen the pile of dead Reavers she’d left back when Wash died. In a personal fight, and in spite of all his bluster at their Talk Gatherin’, he was no match for her. He knew it, and clearly so did she. Otherwise she’d have brought somethin’ more lethal than a knife. He didn’t even rate a gun, so low was her opinion. All these times of fighting and surviving, only to be out done by a kid who was half a bubble off plumb on her best day. Somehow, considering the life he’d led, being taken out like this made perfect sense, in an ironic sort of way. Once before, he’d face a similar situation. Stitch Hessian. ‘Course then he’d been armed, and Stitch weren’t no Reaver killer. He’d stood a chance then. Unarmed against River? Jayne suddenly relaxed. Now that it was finally here and he couldn’t do anything about it, he accepted it. “Just do it, kid,” he spoke gruffly…and with a trace of regret. “Ain’t like I ain’t got it comin’” She flinched. He saw it and misread it. “Don’t toy with me, gorramit! Start cuttin’!” he yelled. She continued to stand in place. “I’m here to kill you Jayne.” Jayne nodded. “Yeah…you done said that. Took your own sweet time ‘bout it. I spent months after y’all had me on the doc’s table waitin’ for you to fire my brain. Now you come when I least suspected ya.” He nodded in rough compliment. “Gotta admit that was well planned.” She took a step toward him. “You better do something Jayne. I’m…going…to…kill…you.” Her face reflected only purpose. For six months Jayne had faced the prospect of dying by her hands. Six months of suppressed violence when he felt himself incapable of responding was coupled with unexpected guilt over his role in betraying her in the first place. Psychologically, it was too much for Jayne. “What?! What in the gorram Hell can I do?!” he yelled out in frustration. “You read minds and you fight like a….like a….like a chinese fightin’ film woman.” Spreading his hands before him. “I got no weapon. You got a knife. Just get it over with.” The two stared at each other. Both waiting for a move; one of them disappointed that this wasn’t going the way it should. “River? What are you doing?” Inara asked from the catwalk. “I’m going to kill Jayne, and he better do something fast if he wants to stop me.” Silence A subjectively lengthy bit of time passed. “Ah…River? Shouldn’t you start killing Jayne now?” Inara’s voice floated down to the confrontation. Jayne shot a startled glance at the catwalk. “Inara…get a gun, or call Mal, or Simon. Do something.” Instead Inara walked down the steps to the bay, and over to the confrontation. Jayne whispered sideways to her. “This is not helping.” Inara ignored him. River wouldn’t look Inara in the eye. Inara regarded River for a few moments and then said, “Young lady…put down that knife right now. And Jayne? Pick up your stuff and go to your bunk.” Momentarily, no one moved. Suddenly though, River smiled and placed the knife behind her on the crate. “Yeah Jayne. Get your stuff and go to your bunk.” Inara, seeing the smile, said. “Hold it! Don’t move Jayne.” Jayne, who hadn’t moved at all, ramped his body tenseness up to a new unheralded level. Inara looked around. “Why are you smiling River?” “No reason. I just want Jayne to go back to his bunk,” she said. Inara walked over to the towel. “Oh really?” She lifted the gun. Jayne sighed out a breath he’d been holding. “Okay ‘Nara…shoot her!” “No,” Inara said sternly. Jayne shuffled forward, reaching for the gun. “Okay then…give me the gun and I’ll shoot her.” Inara pointed the weapon at him. “Jayne, I’d shoot you before I’d shoot River, even if River was chopping you to bits with a garden tool. You know that about me.” “The gorram freak’s flipped her gourd and we can’t just let her—“ Inara pointed up the stairs. “Go back to your bunk.” “I’m goin’ to talk to Mal—“ Jayne started as he turned away. “NO YOU AREN’T,” Inara yelled, then calmed herself. “No…don’t do that. River has had a bad moment and I think she wanted you to shoot her. Since you aren’t dead, you shouldn’t go complain to the Captain,” she said. “Huh?” he asked in confusion. Inara waved her hands, and gun, helplessly. “You know what I mean. Just don’t go bothering Mal. This can be our little secret.” Jayne held up his finger. “Mal said there weren’t gonna be no more sec---“ Inara cocked the hammer back. Jayne shut up. Inara made a shooing motion with the gun. “Go to your bunk and try to figure out what happened here. Then sleep. And try to avoid all those space bugs Kaylee’s always going on about.” Jayne took three steps before Inara called to him. “And Jayne. Remember? Our…little…secret,” she emphasized with false sweetness. Jayne left, throwing occasional glances, and cusses, back as he made his way back to his bunk.

Inara watched him leave and then walked over to River. “I know nothing about revolvers. Can you unload this for me?” Offering the gun to her. River took the weapon and unloaded it in .75 of a second. Inara sighed hugely. “Thanks.” “No problem,” River said, turning to leave. “Hold on,” Inara said. “Where do you think you’re going?” “Somewhere,” River said vaguely. “No, you aren’t. You’re coming to my shuttle.” River regarded her momentarily. “To talk to me? Mal asked you to talk to me and you said you’d do it. Out of some sense of obligation to him.” Inara answered her truthfully. “Yes.” “You’re frightened of me, too.” River said in resignation. “I’m not afraid of you. It’s hard to be afraid of someone you like,” Inara said. “I’m afraid of what might be inside of you.” River’s face crumpled, her emotions so close to the surface and raw that the off-hand remark struck her deeply. Inara, caught off guard, moved to River quickly. The young woman weakly tried to fend off Inara. But her pushes were more like the struggles of a drowning man, and Inara managed to take her arms. Half supporting, half carrying River, Inara led the woman back to her shuttle and deposited her in one of the free form chairs that she kept. River sobbed into her hands without speaking. Inara comforted her with all the usual platitudes that essentially translate into, “I’m here and I’m listening.” Eventually, River slowed and finally stopped her crying. Inara regarded her gravely. “River…can you speak now?” River sniffed her nose, but nodded. “I think so.” Inara handed her a cup of tea. “You aren’t going to get lethal with my tea cup are you?” River’s face began to crumple again. Inara flopped herself down next to her. “Ignore that. I’m just trying to figure out how upset you are right now. And now I know…you’re really upset.” The Companion touched River’s arm gently. River waggled her head from side to side, almost a rocking motion. “So it’s okay to ask you some questions?” Inara asked. River rolled her eyes. “Do I have a choice?” “Of course. You always have a choice.” “Do I have the choice of not speaking to you, and then you not turning around to go tell the Captain everything that happened between Jayne and I?” River asked somberly.

Inara shook her head. “No. You don’t have that choice.” “Uh-huh. I understand now.” River said, grasping the Companions point. “Either we talk, or you go tell Mal everything you saw.”

Inara grabbed Rivers hand and squeezed it. “See? In spite of everything Jayne has ever said about you, you are very smart.”

The Companion rose and walked over to her bed. Gesturing for River to join her she indicated the plush furniture. “Lay down.”

River silently looked at her for a moment. Inara laughed. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m not seducing you. Although I might rub your back to help you relax if you’re too tense.” The Companion kicked off her shoes and flopped in an undignified fashion onto the bed. “Ahhhh….feels good to be off my feet.” Patting the bed. “C’mon. Flop.”

River, moving much more slowly than Inara, placed herself on the bed. Inara leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. “Lean back River. Just let the bed relax you.”

River did as she was instructed. Inara waited for it, and then was satisfied with River’s comment. “This is the most gorram comfortable bed I’ve ever laid in.”

Inara frowned. “You aren’t just saying that because you read my mind and knew I wanted you to say that.”

River said the first revelatory thing then. “I’m not really getting any signals off you right now. I’m caught in my own head and I’m not listening to others. I have to make a conscious effort to do it right now. No, this really just is the most gorram comfortable bed I’ve ever laid in.”

Inara, proudly. “I take pride in it. It’s one of my best selling points.”

“Not the sex?” River popped back quickly.

Inara reached over and slapped the young woman’s hand lightly. “Be nice. And don’t say gorram anymore. I don’t know if your brother would appreciate me letting’ you curse at your age.”

River snorted. “Like he can talk. After the things he and Kaylee have done? Please.”

Inara nodded. “Your talent is most incredible. It’s humbling to think that you have the ability to read a person…myself for instance…and pick up so many of my experiences. Even the….liaisons…that have taken place aboard Serenity.”

River nodded. “I feel that way myself sometimes about it. Humbled and frightened. But that isn’t how I know about Kaylee and Simon. I’ve actually watched them.”

“River!” Inara shouted, shocked at the behavior of the young woman.

River stared at the ceiling and then glanced at Inara’s expectant face. Both women dissolved into peals of laughter.

Inara stopped laughing. Signaling for cessation from River, she asked her next question. “And how did you….rate….the entire event?”

“Events. With an ‘S’. Plural events,” River replied sagely. Adopting a clinical tone she continued. “The techniques involved weren’t up to Guild standards, but the two seem adamant in their attempts to please each other.” Suddenly losing the clinical tone, she spoke to Inara reverently. “They look so happy together.”

Inara shook her head in denial. “How would you know if their techniques weren’t up to Guild standard?”

River casually moved her head around, taking in any new features that she saw in the shuttle. “The Guild Pillow Book was one of the books I learned at the Academy.”

“You couldn’t have!” Inara said, shocked. “That’s one of our Guild’s most closely guarded secrets. There are dedicated armed guards surrounding every copy and internal destruct sequences on the book itself. Open it wrong and the data scroll presentation on the paper shows you a different message…old Earth That Was political speeches I believe….while it erases the actual content from the sub menu.”

River pulled a pillow to her and placed it under her head, then stared at the ceiling. “The Academy had one.”

Inara, testing River. “What’s on page 94?”

“A picture of a half-man, half goat seducing a woman with his flute,” River replied smirking.

Inara cursed. “This is incredible. No one outside our order is suppose to have a copy of our book. All the copies, even those destroyed in accidents, have all been accounted for.”

River spoke dryly. “Obviously not.”

Moving away from the bed, Inara approached her Cortex unit. “Thank you for this information, River. I’m going to arrange a private meeting with a Guild Representative at the earliest convenience.” She tutted angrily at River, upset with Alliance perfidy. “Getting our book back may not be possible, nor it’s secrets, but I’m sure some of our people will make the attempt to. Or destroy it.” Inara spent the next few minutes transmitting a request for a meeting with a Guild agent at the earliest time available.

Moving back to the bed, she apologized. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped up to go do that while you’re a guest here."

River turned her head to look at Inara, and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“What?” Inara asked, looking down on the younger woman and half smiling.

“Guest?” River asked pointedly.

Inara smiled more broadly. “A poor choice of words, I’ll grant you. How about…prisoner? Or kidnap victim? Or ‘she who is held against her will’.”

“That’s better,” River said, with a touch of her old humor.

Inara again sat on the bed, folding herself supine against the headboard once more. “What were we talking about? Oh yes…now I remember,” the Companion said excitedly. “The sex life of Kaylee and Simon.” Brushing her hair back with one hand, Inara continued. “Right now, I am…as an adult of course….obligated to inform you that engaging in voyeuristic endeavors is both against societial norms, and is actually illegal in some jurisdictions. And now that that unpleasantness is behind us…what did you think about it?”

“Simon loves Kaylee,” River said, her happiness for her brother clear in her tone. “And she loves him. I’m glad they are able to share each other.” River caught her breath in remembrance. “And sometimes,” she waved her hand in front of her chest in the ‘versial signify for something hot, “it’s too much for me. Experiencing their caressing and touching can be…overwhelming. I usually can’t keep Sensing them for very long when they become…passionate.” She grinned wickedly. “But that doesn’t mean I necessarily stop watching them.” Turning her head to smile with abandon at the Companion.

Inara chuckled. “You have a streak of naughty in you, River.”

River didn’t deny it, but she defended it somewhat. “It started right after Miranda, and I was still fluxing in my mind. Not quite where I am now. I’ve always watched Simon doing nearly everything. I’ve always been in his business. And the thought of me seeing them together seemed very tame after all the other thoughts that I’ve picked up before. And it was--,” River stopped the description and smiled serenely. “They really love each other. They show such compassion and tenderness.” River then spoke offhandly, in a manner protective of herself. “I haven’t seen a lot of those emotions in the last few years. It helped me to know what those emotions were. Of course now you make me wonder if I was wrong for doing it.”

Inara nodded reflectively. “I wouldn’t want to get caught by them.”

River laughed. “Kaylee probably wouldn’t mind, but Simon would kill me for sure.”

Inara chuckled again. She rose from the bed and went to get more tea for herself. “More tea?”

“No, thank you,” said River.

“I’d offer you something stronger, but again I don’t think your brother would like that. Certainly not without his permission being given.”

“Damn my underage status,” River muttered. “I could probably use a drink. Jayne recommended it awhile ago when you have bad days.”

“Yes…well…consider the source before you take that bit of wisdom to heart,” said Inara cautiously. “So you and Jayne actually had a conversation before the whole—“ Inara rotated her hand in a circle, indicating a run around.

River nodded. “One of the best conversations I’ve had today actually.”

“Really? I mean….REALLY?” Inara struggled…at a loss for words. “Why is it always Cobb related when I get the stuffing shocked out of me,” she asked herself.

River nodded. “Hard to believe, I know.”

Inara moved back to the bed and pulled herself to the head of the bed, balancing her teacup throughout. Wedging herself upright, she asked River, “And then you tried to kill him? Which, believe it or not, I find very easy to picture after someone has had a conversation with Jayne Cobb.”

River pulled herself upright and dragged herself back to the head of the bed, propping herself near Inara but staring straight ahead. She answered Inara’s question obliquely, and with a slight hesitation, but also with relief. “It’s pretty much what you already suggested. I was up on the bridge earlier, and I started replaying everything that happened today, and it just suddenly seemed that things would be better if I wasn’t,” tilting her head and looking at Inara, “HERE.” “Why go to Jayne?” River sighed. “I lacked the courage to do it myself. I’d sat there and realized I wouldn’t be able to. Strong survival mechanism incorporated into the human genetic code.”

Inara pondered this momentarily. “That doesn’t hint at very good things for Jayne if he’d actually tried to kill you. You might have surprised yourself by stopping him. Ever consider that?”

River plucked at a blanket with her left hand, a frown on her face. “Not until this moment…but factor analysis suggests you have a 60% chance of having been correct.”

Inara grew thoughtful. “Mal might have been right about your not keeping the changes secret, but for different reasons. You normally wouldn’t have missed factoring in that possibility. But coming back to other issues: why did you think Serenity would be better off without you?”

“In the realm of flying the ship, I actually can’t say that Serenity would be better off without me. I’m a competent pilot. Not as good as Wash, of course,” she admitted. “But I know all the manuals and the basics of flight. I guess why Serenity would be better is because I wouldn’t endanger anyone anymore,” she said morosely.

“I thought it was something like that,” Inara conceded. “First off, I’ll address the issue of you being a threat to us. The fact is you have lived here on Serenity for over a year, and in that time you’ve never hurt anyone.”

“I slashed Jayne.”

“No one important, I mean,” Inara corrected herself.

River laughed silently in amusement.

“And I suspect that if we delved deeper into that affair with Jayne, we would find some other reason for your attack.”

“Yes, that’s true,” River agreed quickly.

“You already know why?”

“I think so,” River replied.

Inara beamed her silent request.

River touched her chest. “His shirt. It had a Blue Sun emblem on the front. And that symbol is…repellant…to me.”

Inara eyes widened in comprehension, and she frowned her concern. “Any reason that you know for why it evokes such a response from you?”

River shook her head. “No.”

Inara leaned back against her bed frame again, relaxing as she realized something. “You’re quite good, River….at changing the topic.”

River dropped her eyes. “Guilty,” she said, waving her hands above her head as though in surrender.

Reaching over to light some incense, Inara considered the young woman next to her. Bright and intelligent, highly observant, curious, possibly psychic but emotionally disturbed. A highly dangerous combination for a person…even when not being chased across the galaxy by government agents.

Waving the flame out on the incense, Inara stepped to the holder and deposited the stick in its upright. She spoke with her back turned to River. “I’m frightened that you’ll be activated one day and hurt some of us…or worse. You’re quite formidable when you fight.”

“I know,” said River tightly. “I wish I wasn’t. That’s why I think it might be better if I died now.”

Inara shook her head sadly. She came back to the bed and sat on the edge. “But the risk of you doing something like is offset, so that it is still worth having you around. After all, you just as possibly could crash the ship and kill us all. Or one of Jayne’s grenades could malfunction and blow a hole in the ship. Or I might wreck the shuttle into Serenity returning one day.” Inara stroked River’s arm. River closed her eyes and relaxed under Inara’s touch. “Or we could let Mal cook again. Causing all of us to die of gastric distress later that night.” River laughed lightly, remembering Mal’s horrible seafood and pasta combination. Under Inara’s gentle strokes, River felt herself relaxing and she smiled dreamily at the Companion. “People don’t touch me very often…not anymore,” she said. “Do you want me to stop?” Inara asked instantly. “No…that’s not what I meant…not at all what I meant,” river said. “You really are good at this.” Inara slapped River’s left arm. “Roll on your stomach.” River did so, but offered a small complaint. “I’m at a 75% disadvantaged state right now if anyone should open your shuttle and try to kill us, given that my eyesight is directed into a coverlet and I’m not upright.” Inara patted her back in assurance. “We’ll try to make it through the next few minutes without being assassinated.” Inara, in an effort to keep River from becoming uncomfortable, told her what she planned. “I’m going to rub your back. It’s wonderfully relaxing. So I’ll have to undo the buttons of your dress in order to give my hands free access. I’ll only move enough of your dress to let my hands work your back muscles. Is that alright?” River muttered into the pillow, sounding progressively tired. “Don’t I get dinner and a movie first?” Inara gently pinched her on the ear. “Enough with the smart mouth. Just try to relax.” The dress unbuttoned easily enough, stopping at the small of her back. Inara was able to coax the dress off of River’s back enough for her to reach in and begin gently rubbing. “OH…MY…GOD,” River muttered loudly. Inara stopped immediately. “Did I hurt you?” Wondering how in the hell she could have possibly. “No,” she protested. “That feels wonderful.” Inara mimed wiping her brow. “Whooo…gave me a scare, River. I thought I’d lost my touch.” After rubbing for a few moments, Inara said. “River..no offense..but you are extremely tense.” “Uh-huh,” sounded the slow and muffled reply. “I’m going to rub harder.” THAT generated a more vocal complaint. “I don’t think that’s such—“ River said, starting to rise slightly. Inara pressed more deeply. “Ahhhhhhhhh……oh…..my………oh,” River moaned, subsiding back onto the bed. Inara concentrated on her craft for a few minutes, continuing to kneed the other woman’s flesh until the muscles felt pliable under her hands. Not an easy task considering River’s anxiety flexed physique, but Inara persisted and was rewarded by occasional moans or sighs. Inara wondered if the woman had fallen asleep under her. “Do you have any female siblings?” she asked softly, content if River didn’t answer back.

But she did. “No. Only Simon. He’s my only sibling.”

Inara continued her strong strokes. “Sisters will often give each other a rub down. It’s a great way to get use to having someone touch you without flinching or becoming tense. A precursor for the sex act. Training, if you will.”

River muttered. “How about just the dinner? I haven’t eaten tonight.”

Inara hooked one of her hands into claws and gently raked the woman’s back in punishment, leaving reddish marks that faded almost immediately. “What did I say about the smart mouth?” River raised her voice. “I don’t remember. But if you’ll scratch my back like that some more, I PROMISE I’ll steal some money from Simon to pay you. I swear I will.” Inara laughed, and smoothly changed her rubbing to scratching. “Oh thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou,” River whimpered into the covers. “Really, if you need anyone killed…” Inara turned serious. “Don’t joke about that River. Just because….oh, nevermind.” River didn’t speak for a minute or more, then finally asked the Companion, “What were you going to say Inara? ‘Just because’…. what?” Inara switched back to rubbing, seeing that she was starting to leave more abrasive looking marks on Rivers back. “I was going to say that just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it. Trained to it or not, my preference would be that you never had to kill.” River turned her head on the mattress so that she could look up at the Companion by straining her eyes. “Me, too,” she said sincerely. Then she closed her eyes again, and allowed herself to be lulled. Inara felt a lump forming in her throat. Emotional momentarily, Inara forced herself back to her craft. “You’re going to have to promise me that you won’t commit suicide, you know,” Inara said later. “Okay. I promise.” Inara stopped rubbing. “You have to mean it when you promise,” she said crossly. River rolled over, reaching behind herself to button her dress. Inara sat unmoving while she did so. River pulled herself up to the head of the bed. Inara rolled across the bed and ended up seated next to River. It was very gymnastic as a move, and River quietly clapped her hands together at Inara’s performance. Inara bowed ironically from the waist, her legs stretched out in front of her. River held up her right hand, palm facing Inara. “What do you see in my palm Inara?” Inara studied the naked palm. The hand was gracefully tapered, strong fingers, and totally unremarkable. “Nothing,” she replied. River nodded. “A few months ago, I could look at my hand and see the blood of people dripping from it. I mean literally see it. Of course it was in my mind, but I didn’t know the difference.” Inara shook her head. “A few months ago, you’d never killed anyone. You were hallucinating.” River shook her head in return. “No. That’s wrong. I have killed before.” She closed her hand into a fist, so tight that Inara wondered that the nails didn’t cut her palm. Resting the fist in her lap, she looked straight into the room, away from Inara’s stare. “That’s just one thing you didn’t know about me. Imagine all the other things that you don’t know.” Inara surprised River by moving next to her, hip-to-hip, and hugging her. “Okay…you’ve terrified me now. I’ll just run out and tell Mal to hunt you through the ship like an animal until you are dead,” she gently mocked. “It’s not funny,” said River, upset with the Companions cavalier attitude. Inara nodded seriously. “I know it isn’t, River. Not to you. And it isn’t humorous to me either. I do wonder if you aren’t going to receive some Alliance signal to run amuck but all of us are living so close to death that it’s hard to get worked up about one more thing. And like I said before, it’s hard to be scared of someone you like.” Playing her trump, Inara said, “And also, how would your brother feel.” River waved her finger ‘no’. “That can’t be a concern. He’s as much in danger as any of you.” Inara pounded her own legs repeatedly in frustration. “River! We’ve been in as much danger the whole time you’ve been with us. The only thing that’s changed is that now you know we are. You’re much better able to deal with things now that you’ve improved.” River heatedly fired back. “You can’t know that! I don’t even know that!” “Well it’s our chance to take, gorramit! Knowing what’s in you is helping us to make plans…to prepare. We’re not ready to throw you away yet!” “What did you say?” River asked, all the fire snuffed in her voice. Inara breathed deeply for a moment, her nerves calming. “I said we aren’t ready to throw you away yet.” River reached a hand to her eye and wiped. “You know….mom and dad sent me to that place,” she whispered. “And when Simon came to get me, they wouldn’t help.” Inara reached out for her hand, gripping it tightly, in support and friendship. “I know.”

*River Tam—Session 416 online video

Red Run 12: Mornin’

8 hours out from Ita Moon

“Why did they do that?” River asked, her voice tiny.

Answering the question was impossible for Inara. In her own experience she couldn’t conceive how any parent would—could—leave their daughter in a harmful situation, even if it was only the possibility of her being hurt. Inara couldn’t understand and said as much. “I don’t know why River.”

“Neither do I,” River said forcefully. “But it bothers me to think about it. Lately I’ve thought about it a lot. Not so much when I was out of my head, sometimes I didn’t even know they WEREN’T there, but now that I remember, I wonder how they could have abandoned me.” She struck a pillow near her with a fist. “Do you know what’s worse? I still miss them so much. I wish Daddy and Mom were here, even though I know that they didn’t come for me.”

Arising from the bed, and lighting candles near the corners of the bed, Inara reduced the ambient lighting throughout the rest of the shuttle. Bathing the bed in a circle of light, and leaving the rest of the area in darkness would cause them both to focus more on each other, and lend an air of intimacy and privacy to the whole affair.

Returning to her place in the bed, Inara rested her hands together in her lap. “And you are comparing my comment about throwing you away to what your parents have done?”

“Of course,” the girl replied. “Isn’t that what they did? They left Simon to come find me, and they did nothing.”

Inara prepared herself. “And you think you caused this somehow? Made them abandon you?”

Painfully, Inara watched River digest the comment, saw it streak thru the young woman, saw it strike home in her mind; a mind that had known only shock and pain for years, and which had only recently begun to heal itself. Drawing her legs close to her chest, River whimpered aloud, whispering over and over, seemingly oblivious to Inara now.

“Please God…let me go back to what I was before. Take this away from me. I don’t want to know this. None of it makes sense. Let it not make sense. Make it not make sense,” she cried, rocking her body while a new reservoir of tears streamed down her face.

Studying her, Inara considered it possible that River had indeed actually slipped back into her madness. However, when Inara moved, River shied away from her and cast a wild-eyed look in her direction. Inara subsided; satisfied for the moment that River was still capable of distinguishing what was happening around her. Which meant she could listen.

“River, I know for a fact--and I do mean for an absolute fact--that there is nothing that you did that caused your parents to leave you.” Inara said persuasively. “That said, however, I will admit to you that I have little or no respect for your parents, and that I consider them to have acted grossly in their failure to help you once they were informed about the conditions under which you were being held. “So you could accuse me of being biased against them and singularly supportive of your side of events. A charge that might hold an element of truth.” Inara pointed to herself. “But do I strike you as someone who is particularly biased in my examination of people, or incapable of objective analysis?”

River stopped speaking to herself, but continued rocking. Inara thought she detected a fleeting look in her direction, but the candles were fluttering at the same time, and it might have been just a shifting of shadow. Still, she sensed that River was waiting for something more. Inara just wasn’t sure what.

“I don’t know why your parents left you there. Perhaps the consequences of Simon’s theory being right were too overwhelming to them. Perhaps they were too ingrained by the Alliance system to imagine that they could question. Perhaps they were—“

River whirled into motion before Inara could react. From across the bed, the teenager flung herself at the Companion, grabbing Inara’s arms before she could herself move, immobilizing her. From a distance of 6 inches, Inara stared into the dark pupils, flaming in their intensity. River’s breath struck her face in a warm huff, propelled by a shouted dialogue. “And maybe they didn’t WANT ME! Maybe they were too gorram interested in the social season to be BOTHERED about their DAUGHTER! Maybe they were glad to see me GONE!” River screamed. “Did you ever think of THAT? Maybe they were GLAD I was GONE.”

Inara maintained her dignity and her courage for the first half of the tirade. Up until the time River began shaking her. Then Inara’s courage faltered. Intellectually she knew River was quite capable of killing her, and knowing this was just enough to chip away at her nerve. Inara felt fear sweep into her like a flood of copper, metallic on the tongue and racing through her veins. Not an active fear either. But the paralyzing kind of fear. The kind Jayne had felt when he’d seen River coming for him. Now, Inara knew it as well.

With any other person, the shaking—or worse—might have continued for some time. River wasn’t any other person. Inara no sooner felt her fear rise into her throat, blanketing her tongue and speeding her blood, than River stopped. Releasing the Companion and throwing her now trembling hands to her mouth, River looked at Inara in dismay, horrified at her own actions.

Inara breathed deeply, and felt her fear slowly subside. The tension of the moment almost giving away to a nervous desire to laugh. The expression on River’s face wasn’t helping. Nor were the words streaming out of River mouth.

“Oh my God Inara! I’m so sorry. So sorry. I’m sorry Inara. I’m sorry. Please…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Can I get you some water? I’m sorry.” River stopped her rapid-fire apology and actually rose off the bed to look frantically around in the dark for a glass. Finding none, she stamped her foot in frustration, and moaned slightly. River returned to the bed. “I can’t find a glass Inara. I’m so sorry.” Picking up a corner of the sheet, River slowly reached for Inara. “I’m just going to wipe the sweat off your arms. I’m so sorry. Don’t be scared Inara. I’m not going to do anything. I’m sorry.” The sheet wasn’t long enough to reach, because they were sitting on it, and it jerked from River’s hands just as it almost touched Inara’s skin. “Ooooooohhh,” River said loudly, in frustration at the sheet, before then realizing that her outburst might have again frightened Inara. “No,no,no….that wasn’t about you Inara. I meant the sheet. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? I’m sorry. Please…I’m sorry. Can I do something? I’m sorry.” Inara held up her hand, asking for silence. “I think I am going to have some water.” Inara slid herself off the bed, River close at her heels. “If you show me where it is, I’ll get it for you. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t find it a while ago. I’m so sorry. Are you all right? I’m sorry.” Inara stopped walking, causing River to bump into her. Before Inara could turn around, River began exclaiming rapidly, “Oh Inara…I just bumped into you. I’m so sorry. You stopped and I bumped into you. Not that I’m saying that it’s your fault. I’m just saying…I’m sorry. About bumping into you and—“ Inara completed her turn, and started laughing into the young teenagers face. “River! Shut up!” she husked, barely able to keep standing. The laughing finished her off. Now unable to stand, she let herself drop into the teenager’s arms. Hooting her nervousness out in a display of humorous tension. River bore her weight easily. Slowly and gently placing Inara back on the bed. “It’s okay Inara. You weren’t able to stand and I put you back in bed. I’m sorry.” Inara redoubled her laughter, waving her arm at River in an effort to get the teen to be silent. River dropped to the floor next to the bed, her head nearly touching Inara’s outflung hand. “I can go get Simon. He’ll help you. Please be okay. Are you okay? I’m sorry.” Inara breathed a heroically deep breath, tremendous actually for a woman her size (and always useful for underwater sexcapades), and managed to still her laughter. River had grown silent as soon as she heard Inara drawing the enormous breath. Inara sat up and tousled River’s hair with her hand. “I’m fine. Now actually do me the favor of going to get some water. It’s in the shelf over there.” Inara gestured. “And my cup is right here next to the bed where I left it,” she said, handing it to River. River moved swiftly to obey, nearly dropping both the water and the cup in her haste to fill the receptacle and return to Inara. “Here you go Inara.” River then stood nervously next to the bed, her hands clasping and unclasping in unconscious edginess. Inara looked at River. “Aren’t you going to lay back down?” River clenched her hands together again. “Are you okay? I can….I mean…” Inara nodded. “I’m fine River. You frightened me a little but I’m okay now.” River stopped clenching her hands. “I told you Inara. I’m…” River turned around and began to walk to the exit. “Where are you going?” Inara demanded loudly. River stopped, and pointed at the door to the shuttle. “I’m leaving,” she said in puzzlement, unsure why the Companion would ask. “And who said you could leave? My prisoner remember? Until I say our talk is done.” River’s eyes widened. “You can’t be—. After what I just did, you want me to stay here?” Inara nodded yes. Sipping more of her water. River gestured toward the bridge. “I have to go look at the flight deck.”

Inara glanced at the chrono. “The second shift is starting soon. Mal told me he was on second shift tonight.” Inara sipped a little more water. “You just lied to me. Now you definitely can’t go.” Pointing her finger at the younger woman in a pretense of anger.

River spoke to Inara slowly. “It’s for your own good. Tell Mal if you have to.” She proceeded to leave.

River had taken two steps when a large pillow flew past her head. “Hey!” she yelled back at the Companion.

Inara fastened her hand on another pillow. “I heard about Kaylee and you with that pillow fight. Want another?”

River began speaking reasonably, as though to a child. “Inara…this is entirely different. I told a lie to Kaylee and she was ill. I didn’t—“ She broke off.

Inara lowered her head, looking at River calmly. “Attack her?”

Chastened again, River nodded.

Inara rolled off the bed and walked past River to retrieve the thrown pillow. Moving back toward the bed, she hooked her arm into River’s and began gently tugging. Meeting some initial resistance, Inara pulled slightly harder and felt River step with her back to the bed. Inara pointed at its surface. “Lay down again, please, River.” She did so. “Now I’m going to say a few things. Observations, for one thing, but I may ask you some questions also. Please answer them honestly if you don’t mind. “Firstly, I’m not worried about you attacking me again.” River dissented immediately. “How can you say that? I just attacked you. I got upset. I lost control. And I attacked you. I frightened you.” Inara raised her finger. “An excellent point. You make my argument for me.” River tossed her head in irritation, wondering at the denseness of the Companion. “When I got frightened, River, what did you do?” Inara probed. River studied the Companion. Finally she said, “I let you go.” Inara snapped her fingers. “That’s right. You did!” Triumphantly, the Companion slapped her hands together and raised them to her lips. “Don’t you see?” River nodded. “I do. You’re suffering from delayed stress and you aren’t making clear or rational decisions right now.” “And you are highlighting only the negative aspects of your behavior and refusing to see the positive,” Inara retorted. “And that means that you are the one who is making skewed and unrealistic assessments right now. Not me.” “Oh yeah? Well…you’re fat,” River said petulantly, turning her back on Inara. Inara started to glance down at her hip before catching herself. Instead she sat down behind River and touched her shoulder. River stiffened. “You didn’t hurt me River.” Playing back their conversation, Inara found another parallel. “Do you remember what I said about sisters sometime rubbing each other, and how that can be unconscious training for the sex act? Well there is another thing that sisters often do. They often fight. Including hair pulling and spitting and punching. But do you know how rare it is for a sister to maim or kill her sibling during a fight? It’s almost unheard of. Because the two will maintain enough awareness about what they are doing. The same thing happened with you awhile ago.” Inara began rubbing River’s back again through her dress. “In fact, right now, I trust you more than at any other time since you came aboard.” “So you’d trust me to leave?” River asked, sotto voce, but finally beginning to see, if not accept, Inara’s point. Inara snorted. “Not hardly. With the emotional swings you’re going through right now? And your already attempted efforts to have Jayne shoot you tonight?” Inara shivered in recollection. “There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight. Besides, I don’t want you to start beating yourself up over what you believe was your ill treatment of me when there’s no one around—particularly me—to help you break that idea. You’re in just too delicate a position right now mentally. But that’s okay,” Inara added. “I can do delicate.” River shifted slightly, not speaking. Inara stepped away from the bed. “In fact, you’re going to sleep here tonight.” Inara laughed ironically. “After this, you’ll be able to tell everyone that you’ve had the pleasure of sleeping with a Companion.” River turned to Inara and slowly started smiling until it lit up her whole face. Inara returned her grin. Moving to her clothing cabinet, Inara selected her night robe, a silken red kimono with stylized dragons. The short garment reached her mid thigh and was secured by a thin, ropelike cord that was attached at the waist. There were no buttons or other fasteners on the garment. Unashamedly, Inara removed her shirt and bra, her back to River, dropping these to the floor and throwing the kimono on slowly. The silk making a soft rasping sound on her naked flesh. Once she had the kimono on, she unfastened the buttons on her pants and allowed them to fall to the floor. Without turning around to see if she was being watched, she asked. “So how do I look?” “Muscular,” was River’s reply. “Not fat.” Inara smiled, still facing her cabinet. “Thank you.” River frowned. “And for some reason, you look shorter.” Inara pirouetted as she returned to the bed. “It’s the bare legs. Once you see how short they are it changes the perspective of me. Men have told me that before.” River grimaced. “I have big feet.” Inara regarded River’s feet momentarily. “Yes, you do. For a woman,” she finally replied truthfully. “Well thanks,” River replied caustically. “How about a white lie?” Inara spread her hand and touched her chest. “Moi? Lie to a psychic teenager? I’d have thought you’d be thankful for the honestly.” Inara rolled back the covers and slipped into bed, her back to River. “I’m so unappreciated.” “Greatness in it’s own time often is,” River responded. Inara pointed backwards to her cabinet. “If you’d like to change into something more comfortable; I’ve got quite a selection to choose from.” “Anything in leather?” River asked, mockery evident. “No, Miss Mind in the Gutter. No leather,” Inara said. “Kids today...no sense of decorum.” “I’ll stick with what I’m wearing. It’s how I usually sleep anyway.” Inara nodded. “I’ve set the chrono for early. We won’t sleep long but we’ll be able to make breakfast. Do not leave until I tell you to in the morning. Repeat that back to me.” “Don’t leave until I talk to Inara in the morning,” River replied robotically. Satisfied, Inara said. “Perfect. Sleep well River.” “You also Inara.” Inara heard the girl shifting to a more comfortable position. Inara’s thoughts were jumbled. Her last thought before falling asleep was to worry that she wouldn’t be able to.

To say that he had been rudely awakened would have missed the severity of the event by an order of magnitude, Mal figured. At the start of second shift, Mal had made his way from his bunk to the deserted bridge. Finding River absent was neither alarming nor unusual. When you were running through deep space, there was little to hit and it wasn’t necessary to keep a pilot in place all the time. Any objects that were large enough to be detected on the long range scanners would automatically signal an alert in the captain’s quarters, and River had shown exceptionally good skill in appearing at such time even though she had no device linked to the scanners with her normally. After satisfying himself that there were no objects nearby, and that the course and time of arrival were still on track, Mal was left with little to do except stare out the window. Apparently, he had finally fallen asleep in this position. Only to be awakened by a hysterical Simon. “Captain!” Rough shove. “Captain Reynolds! Wake up, Captain!” Mal started awake, quickly scanning the area for Alliance sappers, ready to dive for the trenches if he heard an Alliance flyover, while automatically reaching for his weapon, and lucky for Simon, not finding it. Simon pulled his left arm again. “Captain, thank goodness you’re awake.” “We’ll who wouldn’t be, doctor, with you ringin’ every bell and shoutin’ the roof down?” Mal flared back. “What time is it?” Simon automatically looked at his watch. “It’s 6:00 hours.” Rubbing his hands rapidly across his face to restore some feeling, Mal muttered near unintelligibly. “What is so all fired blasted important that you gotta have me awake at this hour?” Simon blurted it out quickly enough. “River’s gone.” Mal snapped awake. “What do you mean she’s GONE?” he thundered. “How can she be gone?” Simon waved his arm to indicate everywhere. “Kaylee and I have searched the whole ship and she is no where to be found.” Mal relaxed. “She’s just hiding in one of her spots. She’s got a dozen of ‘em around the ship. You know that.” “Yes,” the doctor agreed. “And I know about a dozen of them, and I’ve searched all of them and she’s not there!” Worry for his sister had translated into a series of jerky movements and frantic tugging on the Captain’s sleeve. “Please Captain, come and help us find her.” Even assuming that the doctor was exaggerating about the number of possible hiding places he’d searched, Mal still felt a hint of unease. An unease that increased when he remembered that he himself had found the bridge vacant when he arrived in the early hours. Quickly assembling himself, Mal proceeded to leave the bridge, stopping only to hand two personal comm. units to Simon, keeping a third for himself. “You find her, and you call me,” Mal instructed the doctor. “Give Kaylee the other comm. and have her search the engine areas. She’ll know where best to look.” Nodding gratefully, the doctor fled down the corridor headed for the lower decks. Mal moved to his bunk door and kicked the mechanism open. As unlikely as it seemed, the possibility that River was in his room hiding did cross Mal’s mind. Checking the small area, he saw that--absent her being in the walls--she couldn’t have escaped his notice. Reclimbing the stairs to the crew deck, he made his way to the panel that River had shown him the day before. Creeping through the conduit, he passed into the wall area that hid her personal space and found nothing. That still left the possibility of Zoë’s and Jayne’s room. Mal already assuming that Kaylee would have searched her own room and bypassed this area. Reluctant to awaken his crew based on a possible wild goose chase, Mal turned down the corridor and headed for the lower decks. Deciding to leave the search of Zoë and Jayne’s rooms to the last. Halfway down the stairs to the galley, Simons voice sounded in his earpiece. “Captain Reynolds. Kaylee and I have found something in the loading bay we think you should see.” Mal quickened his pace, hurrying down the corridor to the bay. Moving down the catwalk stairs, he could see Kaylee and Simon near the exit ramp door; Simon kneeling to examine something while Kaylee stood nearby. Mal approached the two. “Doctor, what is it you wanted to show me?” The doctor stood up and indicated Kaylee. “Kaylee noticed something that seemed a little out of the ordinary and we thought you should examine it.” Mal searched to see what Kaylee might have thought unusual, and found it immediately. One of Jayne’s weight sets was wedged against a cargo crate that they had liberated at Mr. Universe’s. One of the few crates remaining on board from that event. It contained a heavy engine. An engine Mal hoped to sell on Ita Moon. The barbell had rolled against the crate with some force, chipping a small piece of wood away from the crate, leaving a jagged splinter some three inches long. Kaylee pointed behind Mal. “I think I see where it landed and then rolled. You can see a fresh scratch mark on the plating if you look over here.” Kaylee stood directly over the spot and pointed at the metallic bright spot that seemed out of contrast to the oiled and weather beaten metal around it. Mal surveyed the scratch, and then followed the line to where the barbells lay. “Yep,” he said. “Looks like those barbells were thrown from somewhere over there.” He pointed toward Jayne Cobb’s exercise set. “And they landed here and rolled.” Kaylee spoke up. “Captain. Jayne is a lot of things but he ain’t gonna leave his weights out to roll around. He knows better than that. Plus which, he treats ‘em almost as good as his guns.” Mal nodded. “I know Kaylee. You’re right. Something is amiss here.” Having a grim thought, Mal asked absently. “Ain’t no blood on the floor ‘round here is there?” Simon stepped next to Mal. “None that we’ve seen.” Kaylee glanced again at the floor. “What do it mean, Captain?” Mal rubbed the back of his neck. “It means two things Kaylee. For one thing, it means that I’m goin’ back to my bunk to strap on my iron. And secondly it means we all are about to go wake up Jayne Cobb.”

Jayne was already awake. Jayne had awoken from the same scary ass dream that he had every four or five days or so. Not surprisingly it was the one where River came at him with her knife. Only she didn’t stop in the dream like she had done in real life. In the dream she kept coming at him, hacking his arms and legs from under him, and finally cutting his throat while he begged her to stop. All the while saying over and over, “Hands of blue…two by two”, a phrase he’d heard from her on Ariel when those scary ass Fed bastards had come for all of them. The only difference in this dream was that it wasn’t set in a hospital or the galley, the site of all his previous River slash dreams. No, this one was in the gorram loading bay. Throwing himself from the bunk in a cold sweat, Jayne had recovered enough to remember the previous evenings events. Arriving back at his bunk, Jayne had cursed the name of both River Tam and Inara Serra until his jaws ached. Sitting down to think about his next options, he’d replayed the whole event in his head and finally come to understand what had happened. Inara had called it right. The little basket case had wanted to check out of her suite in the ‘Verse and use him as the bellhop. Jayne shuddered again, as he had a dozen times since the incident the night before, thinking what Mal and Zoë would have done to him if they’d walked down to the loading bay and found Jayne Cobb standing over her dead body with a gun in his hand. “She had a knife, Mal,” Jayne imagined again for the tenth time. Like that story would have flown. Zoë would have just said he put it in her hand afterward, and with nobody around to see…? Jayne shuddered again. No doubt about it. River was ten times more dangerous to him now than she’d been before. He almost felt sorry. Part of him had actually enjoyed the conversation they’d been having up until she turned into the Cut Queen. One thing he vowed to do was tell her off. No way was he playing the gopher for some one who wanted to off herself. If she was gonna off herself, then she oughta be a man about it and swallow the barrel…and preferably in front of everyone at dinner so there wouldn’t be no suspicion on Jayne Cobb. Yeah, he was gonna be talkin’ to her. Someone was knocking on the door to his bunk.

“Jayne!” Mal called out. “Come on up.” Mal, Zoë, Kaylee and Simon ringed the doorway around Jayne’s bunk. Mal insisted that Kaylee and Simon stand back. Zoë stood further down the corridor but close enough to back up Mal, her carbine ready. She hadn’t asked any questions when Mal told her what to do. She’d only answered “No” when asked if River was in her bunk area, and only responded with “Finally” when told that she might be called upon to blow Jayne Cobb into next week if he showed resistance when they asked him the location of River. “Don’t just kill him out of hand though,” Mal reminded her. “We gotta find out what he done with River first.” “Gotcha, sir. We’ll make him talk,” she said, cocking her carbine and chambering a round. Now standing outside of Jayne’s room, Mal waited for Jayne to open the door. If he started shooting at Mal, then things would get interesting. They might have to drop a couple of mini grenades into the room to finish him off, and Mal didn’t want to do that with all of Jayne’s known—and more importantly, unknown—ordinance secreted about the place, but sometime you didn’t have a choice. Mal was hoping that Jayne was instead going to try and brazen it out. He’d find out in a second. Jayne opened the door and stood at the bottom of the steps. “What’s gonna on Mal?” Jayne hollered up, hitching his pants up and tucking in his shirt. Mal thrust a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the hold. “We’re gonna get an early start and move some crates closer to the doors. I’m expecting us to hit Ita Moon sooner than we planned.” A lie...they were actually going to arrive right on schedule. Jayne began climbing the stairs; he was half out of his door, still clinging to the top step, when he noticed Zoë pointing her carbine at him. “Hey! What’s goin’—“ he started, but got no further as first Mal and then Simon and Kaylee, rushed forward to drag him from the doorway. “Get up!” Mal snarled. Putting his now drawn revolver against the back of Jayne’s head, Mal shoved the big man down the corridor, headed for the loading bay. Jayne with his hands up in surrender and Zoë and his other retinue following closely behind. Jayne stumbled down the levels of the ship, his general pleas of innocence and his requests for more information falling on deaf ears. As they approached the loading bay, and the airlock, Jayne became more frantic in his questions. “What have I done, Mal? What have I done?” he asked repeatedly. Malcolm shoved him near the weight set. Jayne turned to face the four people arrayed around him in a semicircle, two of them with guns drawn and ready to fire. “Why is your barbell over near the crate?” Mal shouted. “Why’d you throw it over there?” Jayne looked at his weight set, and visibly relaxed. “You upset cause I didn’t put my weights back on the bench? Well, I’ll move it back over now.” Jayne took two steps, and stopped when both Mal and Zoë raised their guns for better aim. Mal gritted out his next statement through clenched teeth. “River Tam is gone. We done searched the whole ship, and we find your weight sets been thrown across the room. Now you wanna tell us what happened?” Jayne accepted everything they said immediately as fact. “The gorram freak’s done thrown herself out the airlock and they think I done it. Nether Hell!” he thought savagely. “You ain’t got all day Jayne,” Mal said menacingly. “Mal…I swear to you. I ain’t had nothin’ to do with it,” Jayne began. “Do with what Jayne?” Zoë asked quietly. Jayne began sputtering. “With….with nothin’. I ain’t had nothin’ to do with nothin’.” Zoë and Mal shared a look. Zoë shook her head in a ‘no’. Mal’s face began to flush a deeper red. Seeing this harbinger of death, Jayne’s mind suddenly kicked in. “Inara,” he yelled out. “Go ask Inara.” Mal and Zoë shared another look. “How’s that gonna help us any, Jayne?” Mal asked. “Cause I….cause I…I seen ‘em…together….last night,” Jayne stammered. “Go ask her,” he added desperately. Zoë shifted her weight, her carbine never wavering, looking at Mal for orders. He spoke to Simon and Kaylee. “Did y’all go ask Inara if she’d seen River?” Simon shook his head ‘no’. “We didn’t.” “Okay then,” Mal said cautiously. “Let’s go see the woman. You first Jayne.” Jayne climbed the steps to the catwalk and waited outside Inara’s shuttle door until the others were around him. Jayne kept his hands laced behind his head and he stood watching Zoë. She never took her eyes off him, either. Mal approached the door, which was toggled, and knocked.

Inara awoke at around 6:00am. She experienced a vague moment of panic when she heard the soft sound of snoring in the bed next to her, thinking for a moment that the low buzz of River’s breath was actually a client until her morning mind caught up with her. Leaving the young woman to sleep in her fetal position, Inara climbed as quietly out of the bed as she could and placed her tea pot on to make a morning brew. Occasionally she would check to make sure that the youth was still sleeping. She soon saw that she needn’t have worried. River was sawing the proverbial logs this morning. Reaching for a straw to stir the tea, Inara accidentally brushed a cup and sauce set, causing them to make a moderate noise. Immediately, the snoring stopped and River sat up. Brushing the sleep from her eyes, she looked at Inara and offered a friendly wave. Inara smiled at her. “Good morning snore monster.” “I don’t snore,” River said petulantly. “Shall I replay the Capture?” Inara asked. River laughed. “You didn’t take a Capture of me. I can tell.” Inara nodded agreement. “No I didn’t. But you do snore.” River gestured at the chrono. “Is that time correct?” “Yes.” “I need to get to the flight deck. That is…assuming that I’m free to go?” River asked irreverently. Inara waved her hand in dismissal. “Go on with you. But come back to see me later today. I’m serious,” she said, as River began to move toward the exit. River paused. “There are people outside your door. One of them is Mal. He’s angry.” Inara frowned and moved to the door. Just before she reached it, a knock sounded. Opening the door she looked out at the entire ship’s complement.

When the door opened, Mal’s first sight was of Inara dressed in an all too revealing night gown. A sort of silk thing that ended way too far above the knees, and showed off her well-shaped legs to an extraordinary degree.

“Mal…what’s going on?” she asked in surprise.

Mal cleared his throat, distracted momentarily by the sight of skin. “We…that is…us…Zoë, Kaylee and….” “Simon,” supplied Simon helpfully. “And the doc…we wanted to ask you if you’ve seen River. See we think Jayne might have—“ “Of course I’ve seen River. She’s right here,” Inara waved her hand behind her. “See Mal…I told you. Talk to Inara,” Jayne called out. Mal turned around and waved Zoë to stand down. Her disappointment showing, Zoë did so. Holstering her weapon and leaning against a catwalk rail, she waited. Mal looked back to Inara. “So she’s…okay?” “She’s fine. Getting ready to go to the flight deck. Here she is.” River slipped past Inara, who was partially blocking the doorway. Examining the faces of the people around her, River took in the scene through their eyes. To them, they were witnessing a half dressed Companion standing next to a young woman with tousled hair, rumpled clothes, and weary…seemingly sweat stain…face. River grinned hugely and turned to Inara, winking broadly at the Companion. Inara confused, started to ask River, “What are you--?” “Thank you, Inara. It was wonderful,” River interrupted loudly. “I’m so grateful to you for….everything.” As River said the last word, she leaned in close to Inara, taking the Companions hand in both of hers, in a clumsy parody of appreciation…exactly as a young girl who was inexperienced in the ways of the world would act… and bit her lower lip with her upper teeth slightly before slowly, seductively, surveying Inara from feet to head, pursing her lips together at the last moment as though tasting something sweet. Then dropping her head demurely and walking through the ring of people gathered around. Shyly making her exit past Mal’s bemused look, Kaylee’s open-mouthed expression of shock and burgeoning delight, and Simon’s look of critical evaluation. “Oh you minx!” Inara thought “I’ll get you for this! I swear I’ll get you for this!” River glanced back and winked again, waving a cheery good morning to Inara before briskly running toward the flight deck. Unnoticed, Jayne backed away, and then began to follow her. Meanwhile, Simon Tam was looking at the Companion with a mixture of relief and anger. Relief that his sister was alright, but anger over the conditions in which he’d found her. Finally, anger won out. “As the nominal head of my family’s household out here on the Rim,” he said. “I really think it falls to me to ask you this. What are your intentions toward my sister?” Kaylee slapped his arm. “Don’t be like that, Simon. Inara and River were just…well…having fun…right?” Inara pointed at Kaylee, who immediately moved closer to her. Inara sputtered. “It’s not….no, no, no. Don’t put words in my mouth.” Kaylee’s grin got even wider. “Oh, don’t be embarrassed. We know you can’t kiss and tell.” Mal turned to look at Inara. “So there was kissin’?” he asked pointedly. Kaylee waved away his question. “Don’t be like that…either of you fellas.” Leaning in closer, Kaylee whispered, “Later on….details.” Inara shook her head. “No. It’s really not what you think. I didn’t…” Simon leaned toward her. “I’m pretty sure this is covered in the rules for Companions. She is underage. I can report you, you know.” He said, forgetting his fugitive status. Turning away, Simon began making his way down to the infirmary, spewing forth a stream of un-Simon-like curses. Kaylee seemed torn between staying with Inara or going after Simon. Ultimately, she resignedly began to head after her paramour but put her finger near her ear in the classic sign language of “Wave me!” Inara rolled her eyes in exasperation. Which still left one final demon. Mal cleared his throat. “You know Inara…when I asked you to SPEAK to River…there may have been a slight misunderstanding in what I meant…” “Mal…you’ve got to believe me,” Inara started. Mal ignored her. “Zoë…what should we do to this woman? Can we let her continue to do these things aboard our ship?” Zoë shook her head. “No, sir. Sure can’t. Two women who get together and tell a big fib like this ‘un are liable to do anything.” Mal nodded. “Exactly my thinkin’. If they’d lie ‘bout this…they’d lie about other things.” Mal nodded at Zoë again. “And looks like there’s been enough “liein’ ‘bout” already.” Zoë shook her head at the bad pun. “You’re so wrong for that, sir.” Inara looked at Mal wonderingly. “Then you know that we—“ “Didn’t jump each other?” Mal asked. “Sure. But let’s not mention that little fact to Simon, Kaylee, or Jayne until the end of the day.” He grinned broadly. “Not that I’m complaining, but how did you know we hadn’t—“ Inara stopped. “Oh, simple. Three reasons. One, I’ve never known you to break your word and you once said you’d never service any of the crew. Two, River’s in a bad state right now, and you wouldn’t do that to her. Be like shootin’ fish in a barrel and do her all manner of hurt.” Mal turned and began walking away, Zoë falling into step beside him. “Mal,” Inara called out hesitantly. He stopped and turned. “Yes?” “What was the third reason, Mal?” Inara asked. Mal looked confused. “Zoë…what was that third reason I said again?” “That River’s got better taste, sir?” Zoë asked, deadpan. “Exactly. Once again you have crystallized my thoughts for me,” Mal said, turning again to walk away. “Ohhhhhhhh,” Inara yelled from the doorway, alternately humored and annoyed, watching as the old comrades strode briskly for the galley.

Red Run 13: Arrivin’

3 hours out from Ita Moon

Jayne sped up the stairs as fast as he could in an effort to catch River Tam. Even running as hard as he could he only managed to catch a fleeting glimpse of her skirt as she headed through the galley. By putting on an extra effort, he was able to arrive at the crew corridor while she was halfway down it. Realizing he’d never catch her before she reached the flight deck he yelled out. “River!” Hearing his cry, River skidded to a halt and allowed him to catch up. He was huffing for might and main while she wasn’t even out of breath, he noticed. “Jayne…what can I do for you?” she asked, curious and impatient. He held up 1 finger, soliciting silently for another minute. She pointed at the bridge anxiously. “I can’t wait Jayne. I’ve got to look at the course corrections. But come on up in a minute.” Jayne tried very much to object, found he still couldn’t breathe enough to do so. River meanwhile headed on up away from him. In fits and starts, Jayne was carefully able to make his way up to the flight deck. River was in the pilot’s seat, her fingers rapidly running through a series of movements whose purpose Jayne couldn’t even begin to guess at much less fathom. Muttering to herself about the fuel conservation ratio, River input a new series of codes to the engine and then allowed herself to sit back. “Okay,” she said, turning her seat to give Jayne more attention. “What’s on your mind?” “It’s about last night—“ Jayne began angrily. “I thought about it and I wanted to say you didn’t have no right to bring me into killin’ you.” “No. I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry,” she said with a touch of melancholy. “I’m sorry about the whole thing. I was confused.” Jayne, taken aback, said, “Well, that’s…..fine! But Mal and Zoë were draggin’ me all over the ship today thinkin’ I’d killed you. What’s gonna happen next time? You take a spacesuit and go walkin’ and I gotta go out lookin’ for you in my skivvies? No ruttin’ way.” “Jayne, I said I was sorry. And I am. But what’s done is done. I’m feeling pretty okay right now. Don’t ruin my day,” she warned. “Look…killin’ machine or not,” Jayne said, stressed for the words. “I didn’t deserve that. You got problems…handle ‘em on your own. If I’d killed you, what would Mal and Zoë have done when they found me standing over you?” “No question what they’d have done,” River responded. “They’d have killed you. But I didn’t think that far ahead. I know that wasn’t fair to you.” “No gorramit! It sure wasn’t!” Jayne bellowed. “You seem to be getting’ some better. Lots better than you were. So maybe you can find the time to not put me on the gorram spot. Most of the times—hell, all of the times lately—that I’ve been in trouble with Mal has been on account of you. So I’m sayin’…STOP. Got me?” “I promise I won’t involve you in trying to kill me again.” River said tightly. “But please do me the favor of leaving. You are starting to make me mad, and I don’t want to be mad this morning.” Jayne, never one to let it go, belabored the point. “Just don’t put me in that spot again. That’s all I’m sayin’.” “All right. I heard you. And I won’t. But you’ve got to make me a promise.” Jayne reluctantly asked, “What’s that?” “Don’t mention what happened to my brother or to Mal.” Jayne gestured angrily with his hand. “Like I would! I’d end up bein’ the one to got blamed for it anyway. I got no problem keepin’ it a secret.” “Good,” said River, more calm now. “Just don’t let it happen again.” He repeated. “Not that I’m what’s on your mind right now. I mean…it ain’t like you’re gonna be spendin’ a whole lotta time botherin’ me now that you and ‘Nara got a thing happenin’,” he leered. River just stared at him noncommittally. Jayne finally got the message and said, “I guess I’m gonna go down to the galley. Get some food.” He walked toward the passageway but stopped. “If you don’t mind my sayin’, you seem more head clear this mornin’than I ever seen ya.” “I guess I am,” she finally said. Jayne nodded and headed down the passageway. “Just goes to show what I’ve always said.” He said as he walked down the corridor. “Ain’t nothin’ that can’t be fixed by getting’ a little Trim.”

River contemplated the hulking boob that was Jayne Cobb as he left. Secretly she was glad that Jayne was appeased. Not because she feared him herself—she didn’t—but because she worried how Jayne might overreact and hurt those she cared about. This morning, for instance. If Jayne had gotten a hand on his gun when Zoë and Mal questioned him….well, it wouldn’t have been good. And it would have been all her fault….again. Experiencing a moment of clarity, River contemplated her own thought process. “I do that a lot. I blame myself for things that I can’t control. I’ve got to stop thinking everything is my fault,” she said to herself. “And even if it is…I need to stop beating myself up over it.” Fervent though her internal dialogue was, she still didn’t feel like it was the truth, because her status as a fugitive was still the center of so much that occurred aboard Serenity, and the actions that others took because of it. This thought depressed her. Until she remembered Inara’s talk about being accepted. That elevated her mood almost back to the former level. The Wave Unit began beeping its attention signal. River reached forward and activated it. “Serenity transport, Firefly class, how may I help you,” she said to an elegant looking, middle-aged blonde woman displayed on the screen. Though the woman sat behind a desk, which made it difficult to tell, she seemed tall and physically fit, even in the limited view offered by the Wave screen. Although her clothes were of a business cut, and somber black, River could tell she was a Companion by her movements. “Can you please activate your viewer? I like to see the person I’m Waving,” the woman said haughtily. “I’m sorry,” River lied, unconsciously adopting the tones of a professional female pilot several years older than herself. “Our optical pickup here on the main deck was damaged recently. We’ve been unable to afford a replacement unit.” Mal had installed a switch on the viewer so that when River was operating it, she could flip it off and keep people, the Alliance for instance, from knowing who they were talking to until River chose. “Now if you had another reason for Waving, Mrs…..?” “I’m attempting to reach Inara Serra. She left this as her Wave number. Is she by chance available?” the woman asked carefully, deliberately not giving her own name. River mentally tried to pick up the woman’s name, but that tidbit wouldn’t come o her. “Ms. Serra is indeed aboard. I’ll find out if she has time to speak to you, Ms….?” River deliberately put more tenseness into her own voice so that the woman would perceive that she was acting rudely to River. “Just tell her that a Guild Representative is calling her. She’ll accept my call,” the woman said coolly. “So much for getting her name,” River thought. Aloud, “I’ll buzz Ms. Serra and make sure that she wishes to speak to you.” River hit the internal comm to Inara’s shuttle. Inara’s face filled the view screen (internal ship viewers still showed both parties). “River? Did you forget something that you left here? Underwear or a sex toy, perhaps?” The Companion’s serious demeanor would have fooled anyone else. Not River. “Whatever,” River said, briskly. “You have someone on the Wave who wants to speak to you. A Guild representative.” Instantly Inara’s expression changed. “Put her through, please, River. Thank you.” River looked back at the receiving wave. Truthfully, she’d kept half her attention on it even while talking to Inara. Switching back to the incoming wave, River told the waiting woman, “Ms. Serra is available. I’ll link you now. Have a nice day.” “Thank you,” the Guild Rep said, already dismissing River. Engaging the appropriate circuits, River’s hand hovered over the pilot disconnect for a moment before dropping it back into her lap. Ordinarily, River didn’t eavesdrop on private communications. Realizing that the Guild Representative’s call was in response to her providing Inara with information about the Pillow Book, River justified herself by rationalizing that she had a stake in causing the call in the first place. Plus, she was curious. “Inara. It’s been a long time,” the woman said. Carefully maintaining a lock on her expression, the Companion replied. “Priestess O’Chin. Wonderful to see you again.” Her tone saying it was anything but. “Too long…some would say,” O’Chin continued vaguely. “If you listen to the voice of many of your critics.” Displaying a casual disregard for the proper etiquette of wavecasts, she began to read a paper on her desk. As one might act when speaking to a servant, perhaps. Inara accepted the affront gracefully, but River could see the anger in the tightened skin around her eyes. “My critics are often short sighted. I’ve had to put up with their antics since Primary.” Stopping the pretense of reading, O’Chin rocked backward in her large leather chair. A small twitch moved her nose, as though she had smelled something slightly distasteful. “Be that as it may. For the last two years, your decision to roam around the galaxy instead of teaching here at the Academy was explainable as high spiritedness, even explained away as your final opportunity to sow your oats before taking on greater responsibilities. Romantic in it’s own way…this desire to get your hands dirty out there on the Border. Then you come back here for a few months to teach, finally taking on some responsibility, and reportedly doing an adequate job of it…much as that pains me to admit. Only now it seems as though you’ve gotten involved in some trouble with the Alliance. Their agents were here on Sinon constantly after you last….departed. Most of them have been called away to handle other problems they are currently having, but they’ve made no bones about the fact that they would still like to speak with you very badly.” Inara raised her nose slightly and flashed her eyes at O’Chin. “And what does the Guild have to say to the Alliance about my…departure?” “For the moment we’ve been able to play a game of deceptive ignorance. Not too hard for us to take this stance, you understand, considering that we truly don’t know why you’ve taken the actions that you have. “And you’ll pardon me if I ask you just what in the hell you were doing by exploding a flash bomb in the face of an Alliance agent?” Possibly determining in her own mind that she really didn’t want to know, O’Chin rushed on without allowing Inara to respond. “Whatever your motivation, it’s placed the Guild in the most awkward of positions. So far we’ve managed to keep the brunt of interference from the Alliance away by claiming that you’ve been kidnapped.” Unspoken between the two women, but understood, was the subtle influence that was being brought to bear on cabinet ministers and government officials in the hours after Parliament closed. In a thousand bedrooms on a dozen worlds, Companions were prepared to sway their charges. Always for the betterment of the Guild. Inara nodded in false pretentiousness. “Anything to protect the reputation of the Guild.” O’Chin’s leaned forward, becoming aggressive. “In spite of your former value to us,” stressing the word ‘former’”, “it’s becoming clear to some that you are at best a disgrace, and at worst an outright threat to this organization.” She looked away from the screen and moved more papers around. The bureaucratic equivalent of washing her hands. “We may be forced to disfellow you.” Inara’s left cheek spasmed once. Otherwise she didn’t move. “You’ve told me what my critics have said. What do my proponents say?” “You assume you have any?” O’Chin asked mockingly. Inara nodded. “I believe I do, yes. Otherwise you’d have told me I was disfellowed the moment you called.” O’Chin’s face twisted into a horrible sneer briefly before falling back to its former placid shape. “I’ve never concealed my dislike for you, Inara. As a Prefect when you were being trained, I never trusted you. You had too much of the romantic in you. Never enough of the pragmatist. You still don’t.” Inara started to speak, then checked herself. “Our feelings for each other can be discussed at another date. I didn’t call you today to receive a lecture, or to find out that I’m being sought by the Alliance. I’ve called to tell you that there has been a breach in Guild security.” O’Chin steepled her fingers in front of her. “Bit far out to be second guessing how we run our affairs back here, aren’t you Inara?” Inara didn’t answer the charge. “I’ll need to see a guild representative as soon as possible,” she requested. O’Chin squinted her eyes suspiciously. “What sort of trick are you trying to pull? Distracting us from the problem of you and focusing on some imaginary threat? Very old Inara. Hardly worthy of your subtlety. And it won’t work.” Inara rolled her eyes. “With you watching my back, I’ve no doubt a trick would fail. Luckily for me I’m operating with the truth.” Studying the Companion silently for many moments, O’Chin grunted finally. Seemingly O’Chin accepted, reluctantly, that Inara might be calling for a reason other than her own selfish place in the Guild hierarchy. “What exactly are we talking about Inara?” she asked, with guarded but definite interest. “Not over an open wave,” Inara warned. “I’ll meet a Guild Representative at the next available port of call and give them a full report. Until then, it’s best not discussed.” “Where are you currently?” O’chin asked. “Headed for Ita Moon. I’ll be there within a few hours.” “One moment.” O’Chin’s screen faded to black for a moment before being replaced with a scrolling Guild symbol. Being placed on hold obviously disturbed Inara because she moved out of the picture frame. River waited patiently. “Inara,” O’Chin’s image returned to the screen. Inara stepped back into the frame to listen. “We’ve got a Priestess on Ita Moon at the moment. Evaluating local cadre status among some potential candidates there. Doubtful she’ll find anyone worth bothering over in that backwater filth hole, but she knows her duty.” Stressing the word “duty”, O’Chin’s intent to remind Inara of her dereliction was hammer force obvious. “What’s her name?” asked Inara quickly. “An old friend of yours. Serina Desloque.” “Serina has made Priestess status?” asked Inara, surprised and slightly jealous. O’Chin smiled mockingly at Inara’s surprise. “Yes. Fine example to us all. Young…smart…and focused in her desire to aid the Guild. Now that I see her advancement disturbs you, I’m certain that we made the right choice. When she’s on Sinon next, I’ll have to buy her dinner.” “I thank you for the love you always show me, Priestess O’Chin,” Inara replied derisively. “If…when…she reports back to me that you’ve wasted her time, and the time of the Guild, then I’m going to bring an Issue of Censure against you.” “Not a call for Full Disfellow? Why is that O’Chin? Lack the necessary votes?” Inara asked sweetly. O’Chins expression told that this was precisely the reason. Disgusted with herself for allowing Inara to learn this, O’Chin went into pure professional mode. “You’ll descend to the Ita City spaceport and be met by a guide. He’ll take you to Serina. He’ll identify himself by asking you if you like Osirian chocolates and moonlight. You will respond with “only when I have them in the nude”. O’Chin grinned viciously. “Humiliating code phrases, O’Chin? Don’t you have anything better to do? Inara out.” Inara blanked her signal on the now sputtering Priestess, both screens fading to black. On the flight deck, River studied the two darkened screens for several moments. “Well, well,” she said, returning to her flight chores.

Breakfast this morning was less formal. Kaylee was still engaged in conversation with Simon, so no one had bothered to set out a table. Instead the crew ate bowls of soy cereal and milk substitute. Not the most inspiring of breakfasts but better than nothing. Zoë and Mal found themselves mostly dining alone. River was presumably still flying the ship, while most of the other crew were still down in the bay area. Jayne though did eventually wander into the room, casting aggrieved glances at Mal and Zoë in an attempt to shame them. Zoë returned his looks unaffected, but Mal finally offered an apology to Jayne for having misjudged him—again—over River’s supposed disappearance and promised to be less quick to accuse the mercenary in the future. Marginally satisfied, Jayne collected his breakfast, then surprised the others by offering to clean up any mess that was left after breakfast. His ulterior motive was revealed when he expressed a desire to have the whole table to himself before their arrival at Ita Moon. He needed the space to clean his guns he said. “We’re going to have a prep meeting down in the Bay at 7:30am. Make sure you’re there,” Mal informed him. “Right,” Jayne muttered, intent on finishing his cereal. Mal and Zoë then left, headed for the bridge. Zoë begged off as they approached though, asking Mal if he’d allow her to get cleaned up more thoroughly, reminding him that they’d awoken her hastily that morning, and given her no chance to clean up. He dropped her at her bunk. Mal approached the bridge with some trepidation. Fresh in his mind was the disappointment of forcing River into the group help/confrontation session the day before. How she would react to his presence was unknowable to him. Climbing up the steps to the bridge, Mal girded himself for whatever might occur. River had her back to the door when he entered and didn’t turn to look at him, but she greeted him lively enough. “Good morning, Captain.” “Mornin’, River,” he said, as he stepped to the side of her chair. “How’s she doin’?” “On course and steady. Looks like we’ll arrive about 15 minutes later than scheduled, but otherwise okay.” “We’re havin’ the prep meeting down in the Bay at 7:30, I’ll need you to be there,” he told her. “I’ll be there,” she replied obediently. “About yesterday…” he began. “I appreciate it, Captain.” She said, giving him his formal title respectfully. “You do?” he asked in surprise. Busying herself with a task he’d watched her do a few moments before, she spoke in a whimsical tone, “Yes….I do. Wasn’t too happy with you when we left the galley yesterday, but after talking with Inara, I think I know why you did it.” Finally looking at him, she said humbly, “I meant what I said yesterday…I’m grateful that you let me stay here. I’ll try to do the best I can…as long as you’ll have me.” Impressed by her, and slightly choked up, Mal dropped his hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze before turning to leave. Mal had to make one comment before going though. “You seem much improved this morning. Keep it up.” He’d reached the doorway when she answered. “Jayne says it’s only cause I got laid. Probably wear off before lunch.” Glancing over his shoulder, ready to ask her why she was continuing to tell a lie when she must have already known that he was aware of it, he saw her leaning over the chair arm, both thumbs extended in a victory sign, beaming her maniacal grin at him. Laughing, the scold died in his throat, and he instead yelled back, “Said it before. You ain’t right!”

At 7:30, everyone was gathered in a rough semi-circle in the floor of the loading bay. Kaylee and Simon were the last to arrive. Everyone else had arrived slightly early. Giving a stern look at the later comers, and in an effort to stop Simon from glaring at Inara over the suborning of his sister, Mal started his talk. “We’re comin’ up on Ita Moon. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a foundry world. Several factories and such there. If you got a machine part that you need, you’ll like as not find it on Ita. And we may be pickin’ up some parts while we are here. I’ll be leavin’ most of that to Kaylee.” “Got the list right here, Captain,” she said, pointing at her head. “Best you don’t lose it,” Mal joked. “Now I’ll warn you all now before we get there. You’ll see a lot of ships—thousands—in geosync orbit around the planet. For the most part they won’t be active. Folks tow them to Ita as trade goods for scrap when the ships ain’t worth nothin’ anymore except tonnage. Eventually they all get chopped up into raw metal and get sub-orbitaled down to Ita on parachute, melted down and reused. If you got the guts for it, and most don’t, you can salvage what useable parts you can off the old junkers and sell what you find down on the planet, or haul it back to your own world after paying a smaller finders fee than what it takes to buy ‘em outright. Works out good for the Itans. They don’t have to hire a labor force to salvage their own ships…and, well, they ain’t got to be the ones that die on ‘em when they break up unexpected,” He said cynically. Strolling over to two huge crates that occupied part of the hold, Mal thumped his hand on the wooden sides. “We still got two broadwave units that we took from Mr. Universe. Good for long range communication on a bigger ship. Something that can handle the power demand. So far they’ve been too big to fence anywhere else. They’ll fetch a price here. Not that we’re hurtin’ right now, but I like to stay ahead of the game. “Unfortunately, because they got so many folks pickin’ over ships around ‘em and bringin’ ‘em the same goods all the time, the Itans had to institute a pricin’ system. That means no barter. The Itans offer us a price and we take it or leave it. Generally, they’re about fair with their pricin’…except when they ain’t. If we take it, it means you get paid today, Jayne.” Jayne grunted obligingly, “I’m all for that.” “We’re going to land on Ita Moon?” Inara asked. Mal shook his head. “The Ita Conglomerate don’t like ships landin’ on their world. They got enough ships orbiting around them as is. Makes ‘em nervous when folks land on planet in a big ship. Seems they refine a lot of gold and platinum out of ship wiring. Worried about thieves.” “A single big capital ship might have up to 10,000 miles of copper, silver and gold wires in her,” Kaylee interjected helpfully. “Exactly,” Mal said. “So they only allow their own transport and ferry vessels, or a small ship like our shuttles. Small ship can’t bring much trouble or carry off too much valuable. All other ships stay in orbit. So Serenity won’t be allowed to land. Too big.” “Of course, bein’ as we got shuttles, it does mean we ain’t gonna have to beg a ride from an Itan ferry boat in order to get to the planet…and I’m thinkin’ that’s a good thing.” “Why is that Captain?” Simon asked perplexed. “Cause I’m thinkin’ that at the least we’ll find a few of the same fellas that jumped you and Jayne back on Paquin here.” The group exchanged various looks of concern with each other. Mal held up his hand to forestall the questions. “I know…why come here then? Well, first reason is like I said. We need to fence these monsters, and this is the best place. Second, I don’t expect to find very many slavers down on the planet. Probably not more than 6 or 8…just like we found back on Paquin. But it makes sense that some will be here cause Ita Moon was the closest world to Paquin. They’d have to figure that if the ship got shot up in the trap at Paquin, but we managed to get away, then this would be the place for us to come to get parts. So they probably seeded some folks here as a just-in-case backup trap. We’ll just have to step careful. One good thing is that Serenity won’t be planetside. Lots of easy ways to jump a ship planetbound. Lot harder when the ship’s in space.” But not impossible, his mind reminded him. He continued. “Inara, I’ll need to borrow—“ Mal began. “Mal…I’m going to need my shuttle while here,” Inara forced in. Mal showed his agitation. “Inara…we could sure use your shuttle right now. It’s not necessary I guess, but it would make things go a lot quicker.” His desire for her to change her mind was clear on his face. Adamant, she repeated her statement. “I’ll need the shuttle Mal. I’m sorry if it messes up anything, but I’m already committed.” Trying to make it seem inconsequential, he shrugged. “Fine. Go do what…or who…you need to do.” “Mal…it’s not--” “I’ll have to make arrangements with the Ita procurement department when we reach orbit.” Mal said, deliberately ignoring Inara. “I’ll have to go to a receiving satellite that Ita has set up in orbit in order to arrange the paperwork. They’re usually backed up. Might take some time. I’ll take the ferry over. Us bein’ unable to use Inara’s shuttle,” said he with forced neutrality. “More than enough time for Kaylee and Jayne to go to the planet and pick up spares. “Bit of advice, you two. Dress cool. Terraformin’ took well ‘nough to get a breathable atmosphere, but they never got the water situation right. It’s hot and it’s dry. Kinda sandy too. “While Jayne and Kaylee are planet side, I’ll come back on the ferry and handle offloading when they come for the broadwaves…assuming I accept their deal. Zoë watches the ship until I get back, and provides a familiar face if anyone calls while I’m gone. Any questions?” Jayne raised his hand. “I gotta question.” Mal answered the question he thought Jayne would have. “You’re handling security on Kaylee. After our last stopover, I ain’t takin’ chances on anyone in port. Stick close to her, and keep an eye out.” Mal began looking around for other questions. “That weren’t my question, Mal. I already figured why you was sending me down with Kaylee.” Jayne said. Puzzled, Mal asked. “What was your question then?” “You say me and Kaylee are gonna go buy parts, but she don’t know how to fly the shuttle, and I’m really not confident on anything ‘cept an atmo craft. Give me a maglev or a air booster and I’m okay. Don’t have much experience on orbitals. I’d probably do okay, but…” Jayne tapered off. Mal swore. “Thank you Jayne. I were forgettin’ that. Well, I’ll just wait until I get back from the Procurement Station and I’ll take you—“ “I can fly them down,” River interjected. Everyone turned to look at River. “I’m not so sure that going to a busy port is such a good idea for you, River.” Simon reminded her, his habit of being wary now an ingrained reflex. “Why not have Zoë fly Kaylee and Jayne to the planet? She’s rated, isn’t she? I’ll remain behind with River to watch the ship.” No one thought his suggestion the mark of a cowardly man…no one who knew Zoë. Sending a woman—this woman—into danger wasn’t shameful, but complimented her skills. Zoë favored Simon with a slight smile and nod for his recognition of these. Diplomatically, Mal said nothing, but he was struggling hard to explain why he didn’t want Zoë and Jayne together right now in a way that wouldn’t end up with himself as the object of their ire. Jayne saved him this difficulty. “No offense to the ladies,” Jayne said offensively. “But I’d rather wait and have Mal fly us down. In case it’s escaped everyone’s notice, Zoë’s got a bullseye painted on me right now after our big Sit Around.” Zoë didn’t bother to deny the charge, and even affirmed it with a casual nod and slight shrug. “I don’t want to be tryin’ to duck fire from two directions. And on the matter of River flyin’, I don’t want no pilot that’s—“ Jayne stammered over what he’d almost said. He’d started to say ‘suicidal’. “—crazy.” Congratulating himself on a nice save. “I gotta agree with Jayne,” Mal said. Everyone turned to look at Mal. For several moments he didn’t understand why. “No….not about you bein’ crazy, but about you not goin’. Like as not there will be folk lookin’ for you on the planet.” Diplomatically he didn’t mention the issue of Zoë. All of them knew the truth of it right now. “I’m sure there are.” River agreed with his comment. “I’ve got one of those feelings. But that doesn’t stop the fact that it’s quicker to move Jayne and Kaylee to the planet while you are doing something else. The time we save might be safer in the long run than hanging around waiting for you.” Seeing his dubious look, she added. “Like you said, we’ve all got to step careful. It may be better if I was there.” Mal pondered this notion a moment. “I’ll tell ya what. We’re gonna wait and see how things look when we get there. Then I’ll let you know before I leave. Doctor, I want you available to help Zoë if I should run into any trouble while we’re gone. The rest of you know your assignments,” Mal said. “River, what’s our estimated time to orbit?” “90 minutes,” she answered. “Okay. You all know what’s expected. Spend your time gettin ready. Dismissed,” he said, and then kicked himself mentally as soon as he said it. Dropping into the habit of acting like a soldier would steal upon him occasionally, as much as he’d tried to break the habit.

Ita Moon _________________________________________________________________ Seeing Ita Moon for the first time, River’s reaction was revulsion. Ita Moon was a red planet. Redder than a jewel. Redder than the purest color red. Redder than blood. And when River had this thought, she felt a fear of the planet. Murderous world. A blood world. A planet that would— “Woolgatherin’ again?” Mal boomed at her side, causing her to jump. She’d been caught in a reverie so deep she’d missed his approach to the bridge. Trembling slightly she denied his accusation. “Just trying to make heads or tails out of this traffic jam,” she said, sweeping her hand to encompass the situation outside the view port. “Can’t argue with that,” Mal said, sliding into the seat across from her. “I’ll give you a hand for a while until we get situated in orbit. Won’t be long now ‘fore Ita Traffic gives us a call.” Outside their ship, the surroundings resembled not so much a planet orbit as a junkyard. On this side of the planet, within their immediate yet far seeing view, there must have been a thousand ships. Ships of all sizes and shapes drifted or spun, prisoner to the grip of Ita, but not yet ready to plunge to join her. These obviously dead ships were examined and probed by dozens of other faster, more purposeful ships. Ships that lived, and breathed fire from their tails. Scavengers. Salvagers ready to take what valuables they could find for sale to the Itan Conglomerate. In spite of Mal’s words, and against his own visual perception, he knew that avoiding the ships wouldn’t present a huge problem. Their major impact at the moment was more psychological. After running the Black for the last two days, finding themselves surrounded by movement and life was jarring. Mal found himself constantly examining the short-range proximity alert as they flew lower into Ita’s orbit, even though he knew the nearest vessels were a 1000 yards or more away. The Wave communicator beeped it’s ‘incoming wave’ alert. Mal reached forward, after making sure River was out of the visual, and toggled it on. “Serenity transport, Firefly class. Acknowledged.” “Serenity, this is Ita Traffic, what is your business in our space?” A jowly bald man of indeterminate age asked, bored. “Just that,” Mal replied enthusiastically, “Business. Got a couple of items I’d like to see about selling.” “Right,” the officer responded, even more bored. He heard the same response 300 times a day. “Take a vector orbit at area 200x78x14. Shuttle flights are authorized through Ita Traffic. You are welcome to use your shuttle but please do not move your main ship from this location after achieving orbit until you complete your business here. We don’t like strollers.” He said, becoming slightly more animated as he delivered the threat. “All transactions for business will need to go thru Ita Receiving station. AKA the satellite that I’m sitting on right now. Coordinates 180x72x20 if you are planning on flying here by shuttle. Or we can schedule a ferry to bring you here during its assigned route.” “Understood,” Malcolm said, rather than arguing that he’d been there before. “I’ll probably need to avail myself of the ferry, but I’d also like to request that my crew be allowed to use a shuttle and go to Ita City planet side and pick up some supplies. Also we have a Companion aboard who’d like to travel to the planet for--.” Suddenly remembering that he didn’t know why Inara needed to go, Mal said, “—a beauty makeover. She’ll be flying her own shuttle.” “A Companion, you say?” the man’s face finally showing interest. “Afraid she isn’t going to find much joy in the stylists around here, if my wife is any example, but she’s always welcome. Just let me enter your shuttle parameters here and you’ll have an unrestricted two-day flight window from orbit to Ita Moon City. The cities in the constructions zones in the lower continents are no fly areas. Please don’t violate this restricted zone. If you exceed your 2-day time flight allotment, remember to call us and request additional. You have no idea how many ships get shot up over just that sort of mistake,” he told Mal. “Hopefully, we won’t need all that time,” Mal replied. Ignoring Mal, the man continued. “Your ferry should arrive within the hour. Processing your sales request shouldn’t take you more than,” Glancing upward the man looked at something off screen, presumably a display of some sort. “well, it looks like we’re running behind a little. Not more than 4 hours. Maybe. Be prepared for the delay. We don’t like snappy people any more than we like strollers.” The man looked like he practiced that phrase in the mirror every morning. “Ita Traffic, out.” “Serenity out.” Mal deactivated the set. “I’ll go ahead and position us.” Mal took the controls and flew a proficient course to their assigned position without incident. “Have you given any more thought to me taking Jayne and Kaylee down?” River asked expectantly.

“You probably know I have,” he answered her smoothly.

“And you decided—?” she asked.

“Tell me what I decided,” he countered. “By way of keepin’ you in practice at mind readin’.”

Chocking her head to the right slightly and furrowing her brow she studied him. “You’ve decided to let me go. The Alliance doesn’t have much of a presence here and the amount of time that you’ll need at the processing center will curtail you greatly in being able to take Jayne and Kaylee to the planet. You aren’t worried about anyone getting a good look at us because Ita City spaceport is very busy. Lots of shuttles arriving all the time. Hard to keep watch on any one of them.” She frowned. “You don’t want to linger here any longer than it takes.” Mal nodded his agreement. “Ita ain’t the best world to pull nothin’. Slavers gotta know that. But I don’t want to take no chances.” Unhurriedly, he asked, “You did say you had a feelin’ they were about?” “Yes. No flashes. Just a general sense they are here. Very vague though.” “I use to get those myself. Back in the war. Sometimes you just knew—“ he trailed off. What he intended to say was “knew it was all gonna go wrong”, but until this moment he hadn’t thought it would. His own sense of unease about being here increased. River shifted in her chair. No doubt she sensed some or all of his feelings. “Yeah. There’s something about this planet,” she mused. “It’s primal. Missing link primal. Animals in the trees. Climbing or running. Bloody fangs. Muscles flexed. Clenched to the point of pain--” Mal reached across and touched her arm. She started slightly, and then laughed nervously. “That’s the second time I’ve done that this morning. Got caught in my thoughts.” “Yep,” said Mal. “Just like old times there for a minute. You sure you wanna go down?” he asked her. Hesitating for a while, River finally indicated she wanted to go still. “It’s one way for me to pull my own weight. Everyone has been looking after me for so long—Simon, you, even Kaylee—that its time I gave something back. I’ve got to stand on the line with everybody else.” Mal chuckled. “River…it ain’t combat. It’s popcorn.” River broke into loud laughter. Eventually, she subsided. “Thanks Captain. I needed that.” “We all do sometimes,” Mal said, pointing back toward his bunk. “I’m gonna go freshen up—‘ “That cereal wasn’t really a wise choice for breakfast, was it?” she asked sympathetically. “No..it weren’t.” Mal said irritated. “And leave my stomach out of your thoughts.” “You just seemed distressed,” she said, just a bit too interested in his discomfort to be anything but satiric. “I am…and getting’ more so by the minute. More you go on about it,” he told her with mock severity, but serious too. She grinned at him. “Just keep us from hittin’ anything. And keep an eye out for my ride to Ita Processing. Could take an hour for ‘em to come or they might show up in the next five minutes. Comm me when you see ‘em. Otherwise I’ll be back up here as soon as I can.”

_____________________________________________________________ Mal managed to wring twenty vitally needed minutes of personal time in his bunk. Now, standing at his bed, he couldn’t decide if he wanted to wear his coat or not. Finally deciding that it wouldn’t be necessary. Carrying his gun was never questioned, although he elected for a concealable rig, not his standard leg holster. The click of the intercom sounded, and Malcolm waited for the word. “There’s a wave that’s come in for you Captain. Ship-to-ship. A man wants to speak with you.” River’s voice lost its professionalism. “I can tell he doesn’t like you, and that you two have had dealings before. He’s a little bit afraid of you…but not much,” she finished quietly. “Want me to pipe the signal to your room?” “No. I’ll come up to the bridge. Just tell him to wait a minute.” As Mal climbed the steps to the bridge, he began running a catalog of who he might have both met and who had reason to be afraid of him. He found to his shock that it was actually quite a long list. “Any other problems than disturbing Waves?” Mal asked as he entered the bridge. “We had a shuttle fly by us about 10 minutes ago. Not too close, but I got the feeling they were checking us out.” River said. “They went back to that ship.” River pointed at a ship in the far distance. Something about the line of it seemed familar to Mal, but he couldn’t get a good enough visual at that distance. “Directional vector on the Wave says it’s the same ship that’s calling us now,” she added significantly.

“Ita Conglomerate ship?” Mal asked.

River shook her head. “Not the feeling I’m getting. Seemed more…personal, I guess you’d say.”

Then she sat watching him, awaiting his instructions now that she’d given him all she knew. Running a quick hand through his hair, he motioned for her to connect the Wave.

The image of a dark haired man in blue coveralls filled the screen.

“Gorram sonofabitch, “exploded from Mal even before he could fully recognized the man.

The man nodded his head. “Yeah, I kinda thought you’d feel that way Captain Reynolds.”

Mal shook his fist angrily at the screen. “Dirty sack a go-se. Your mother was the worst….”

“Please Captain Reynolds…before you say anything we’ll both regret, I’d like to try to talk to you about business” the man said softly and reasonably.

“Business? Me and you? Yeah, we got business alright!” he thundered.

Lifting his hands toward his screen, the man tried more desperately. “We had a bad happening between us last time Captain. I’m acknowledging that. That’s in the past. I’m calling about business. Plus which, I’m acknowledging that mostly last time was my fault.”

“Mostly?” Mal asked, incredulous at the cheek of the man. “What sort of plant leaf have you been inhalin’? If Hell froze over twice, I still wouldn’t trust you if you told me it was cold. Gorram your ‘mostly’,” Mal snarled back.

“Well you did have some small part to play,” the man said, starting to get annoyed.

“That I did. The small part of makin’ the mistake of trusting you!”

Sighing, and looking vexed slightly, the man continued. “I could try to sell you a song and dance about how my people were hurting and how we needed what you had. But I’ll spare you that. Word ‘round the ‘Verse is you will sometimes work with folks that have wronged you. I’ve wronged you, but I’m here now offering to set it right.” The man shrugged eloquently, playing the honest fellow.

“Settin’ it right would be me givin’ you back a bullet!” Mal hollered back furious.

“Most folks would think that, sure enough. Hell…you might even be right. But then you wouldn’t’ get a job. And I’m offering good solid work.”

“What’s your name?” Mal asked. “Seems we never had a chance to get formal introductions before you…oh, that’s right…SHOT ME!”

The blue uniformed figure bobbed his head once. “Corbin Beck at your service. Captain of the salvage vessel S.S. Walden, and currently the man who’s offering you a PAYING job. I’ve got a few other options I can explore, but I’ve seen your ship up close,” Mal growled at the understatement but it didn’t interrupt the man, “and she’d work real well for the job I have. That’s why I’m making an earnest offer to you. If you want work, then we have some.” The man, Beck, cleared his throat. “And now I think that about covers everything I’ve got to say by way of introduction. In fact, I know it does. And if you aren’t willing to let the past stay in the past, then I’m obliged to cut this comm. short right now. When you get your head on straight and decide you want to work, you wave me. We’re in orbit for the next day.” Reaching forward in his chair to flip a switch, the screen suddenly went dark.

River laughed silently.

“What’s so funny?” Mal asked.

“Him,” she said, pointing at the screen. “He’s hoping desperately that you call him back before the end of the day. He really does have a job but he figures he has to play the tough guy in order to make you see reason. He’s also hoping like hell that you are down on your luck right now and will give him an opportunity.”

“Well that dirty son of a bitch,” Mal said. “We ain’t doin’ badly and he can chew Black for all I care.” Mal’s sour look and savage tone belied this however. Mal was still obviously not over the man’s last treachery. Strolling around the flight deck, caught in his own musings for the moment, Mal muttered various invectives to himself before finally stopping next to River’s chair again.

“He’s the one who…” River pointed at Mal’s left side.

“Yeah…that’s him alright,” agreed Mal viciously. “He’s shorter than you,” River evaluated. Mal rolled his head slowly to look at her and addressed her speculative mirth. “So was the bullet he shot me with. It was movin’ at 2200 feet per second, but it was shorter than me. And he had 5 other guys with him” Mal informed her. “And when did implicatin’ sass become part of the pilot job description?” River smiled. “It was in my contract. Under “Perks”. Read it some time.” Then with a sudden faked look of shock. “You can read, can’t you?” Mal raised the back of his hand as though to strike her and she pretended to cringe away. After another moment, Mal asked River, “But he does mean it? About the job?” Cocking her head to the side, River nodded hesitantly. “Yes. The deal is legitimate. He’s not looking to backstab you at the moment. But he fully expects you to do something to him because of what happened last time. He’s only trusting you because he just really doesn’t have any choice. He lied about having other options. He’s already spoken with all of the other ships in orbit and been turned down.” “Yeah, it had to be something like that.” Mal nodded knowingly. “No other way he’d come to me. Deceitful son of a bitch.” River nodded agreeably. “So you want me to Wave him back, don’t you?” “No!” Mal flared. Sitting carefully still, she didn’t say a word. A full minute passed. “Alright, gorramit…yes, wave him back,” Mal shouted, slipping out of his denial mode. She keyed in the number sequence. Captain Beck’s face again appeared on Mal’s monitor. “Captain Reynolds, how good it is to see you again so soon,” Beck was having difficulty hiding his delight at finding what he needed. “Dirty son of a bitch,” Mal snarled, when he noticed Beck’s attitude, and blanked the signal off again. Neither River nor he spoke nor moved for another minute. Mal pointed to the Wave unit again and River resequenced the number. Captain Beck’s face registered a lot less confidence on this second call. Relief, more than any other emotion, crossed his features. Giving Beck no chance to speak, Mal dictated his terms. “In a few hours….I can’t say exactly when at the moment…you will receive a Wave from me. You will take your shuttle….I know you already flew past my vessel awhile before you called me, so I know you got a shuttle….and you will fly here. Alone. You will stop precisely 40 meters from my ship. You will suit up and leave your shuttle. You will jet pack your way to our vessel’s airlock, where you will be met. You will not come armed. I mean not one thing. Not a gun. Not a knife. Not a toothpick. Not one harsh word or bad breath. If one of your skin cells falls on the floor of my ship and sullies it, you will answer to me. If I see that you’ve left someone on your shuttle, you’ll answer to me. If I gorram don’t like your haircut, you will answer to me.” Captain Beck looked thoughtful, and almost resigned. “Have your sales pitch ready.” Mal pointed his finger at the screen and waved it angrily. “And it better be the best gorram sales pitch you’ve ever made in your life. Cause if you waste my time, or bother me, or just gorram offend me in any way, then by my boots I will burn you to death with a blowtorch. After I hear your sales pitch, I may still kill you. Ten seconds after I accept your sales pitch, I still may kill you. In fact, if…as we’re walkin’ back to the airlock…I just happen to remember what you did, then I may kill you. I’ll probably just kill you for no reason. Comin’ here is a 10% chance of makin’ a deal with me and about a 90% of me puttin’ a bullet…right…through….your….head. Best you understand that. Now, if you cotton all that I have said, and still want to do this then nod, say ‘I understand’, and bid me a ‘good day’. If one other word passes your lips, you can look elsewhere for a ship.” Reluctant, obviously, Beck sat stunned and angry. Twice his hand rose as those to turn off the Link. Both times he dropped his hand back. Finally, with a what-the-hell expression, the figure of Beck nodded his head. “I understand. I bid you have a good day.” The screen faded again to black. River clapped her hands. “That floored him.” Mal accepted her praise. “Tough guy me, eh? Who’s the tough guy?” he asked, pointing at himself. “Cheatin’ son of a bitch.”

________________________________________________________________ Leaving the flight deck once again, Mal headed for the loading bay. Although his ferry wasn’t in sight yet when he left, he expected it soon. As he stepped into the galley, he found who he sought. Jayne sat cleaning his guns in hurried but systematic fashion. Arrayed before him on the table was quite on arsenal. Jayne spared him one look and returned to his efforts. Time being short Mal just said it. “River’s gonna fly you down.” Jayne hung his head but kept cleaning. “Ain’t a good idea, Mal. Gorram freaks too fickle. Might be okay. Might blow a ruttin’ gasket. We oughta wait.” “Time ain’t our friend. Longer we wait, more trouble could come. And it gets better.” “What?” Jayne asked, resigned. Mal delicately reached out and picked up one of Jayne’s handguns, moving with sure movements so Jayne wouldn’t become upset at his effrontery. The weapon was clean and well balanced. Call Jayne whatever you wanted; he was a craftsman when it came to personal destruction. “I want you to fix River up with weapons,” Mal said, ripping off the bandage in one fell swoop. “No…no….oh, gorram, NO!” Jayne moaned, dropping his head fully to the table. “Please Mal. Hand her one of the butcher knives, or give her a grenade, or somethin’, but don’t make me give her one of my weapons.” “Who said one weapon? I said fix her up with weapons…plural. She wants a knife you give it. She wants a gun you give it. She wants a nuke then you give it.” Mal informed the mercenary. “Aint got no nuke Mal,” Jayne hesitated. “Well…..not so’s—“ “Just give her what she wants. Go down with her. Watch Kaylee. Watch River. That’s it. Take a comm. with you so I can stay in touch in an emergency, but otherwise don’t communicate with me or the ship.” Jayne nodded gloomily, too disappointed to even act upset. “And Jayne…I’m trustin’ you. Only reason I’d send you…you know…after this morning,” Mal whispered before turning embarrassed. At these words, Jayne attitude flipped completely. “I’m your man,” he whispered back, no banter or bullshit in his words, only serious. “Walk careful…my back hairs are up on this one,” Mal replied raising his voice. Flipping a wave at Kaylee, which she returned, he stepped toward the loading bay and his flight appointment. Stopped, and turned around. “Oh…one other thing…while you’re there—“ Mal hesitated. Jayne lifted a hand to stop him. “Already got it on the list.” “You sure?” Mal asked, remembering their misunderstanding earlier in the hold. Jayne smirked. “Just need to know one thing,” Looking up at Mal. “Buttered or plain?” Mal smiled broadly, held up his thumb at Jayne, and gave him license. “Your choice, Jayne. Your choice.”

Serenity, Firefly, and any mention of the ‘Verse associated with them is entirely the property of the fraking genius Joss Whedon, and also the property of the moronic Fox Corporation. This fanfic is not for reproduction nor for sale. It is freely distributed as an effort of appreciation.