BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

TAMSIBLING

A NEW DAY, ch. 4: Event Horizon
Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Set three months after A NEW BEGINNING. River's search for the antidote brings her dangerously close to an old enemy. Simon asks Inara for help and Rylee is still convinced her new brother and sister aren't quite a blessing. Simon/Kaylee, River/Jayne, Mal/Inara


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4121    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

A/N: The tension is mounting - enjoy!

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta!

Read and respond - comments are good for the soul!

***

A NEW DAY, ch. 4: Event Horizon

***

“I hate them.”

With wide and concerned eyes, Inara turned to regard Rylee’s huffy form as the girl sat dejectedly on the edge of the porch, her arms crossed over her chest and her lip jutting out in a severe pout.

Moving to her side as did Daniel who was just a few steps away, Inara sat beside the little girl and rested a hand to her back. Getting her brown eyes to meet Inara’s, the older woman said, “Rylee, you shouldn’t use a word like hate. It’s very strong and can hurt people’s feelings.” Averting her gaze from her aunt as she felt shame for her outburst, Inara watched as the four-year-old tried to control herself. Finally, Inara prompted her, “Who is it you don’t like?”

Turning her eyes back to Inara, Rylee looked over her shoulder to the closed clinic door and then brought her wide gaze to her brother’s concerned face. Rylee could feel his fear over what was happening to their mother and it only fueled her dislike. “The babies,” she grumbled quietly, again allowing her eyes to study the floor.

With a sigh, Inara thought she understood. Wrapping her arm around the girl’s shoulder, she pressed a kiss into her soft hair and told her, “You don’t hate them, baby, you love them. They’re your brother and sister.”

Pulling away from her aunt fiercely, Rylee’s eyes blazed with anger. “That ain’t true, I don’t like them. I don’t like them at all. They’re making mama sick and they ruined my birthday and I hate them!” And with that outburst, Rylee jumped up and sprinted off the porch heading across the flat landscape to the Frye’s. Inara watched her go, debating whether or not she should follow, when Daniel’s little hand on her arm stopped her.

Looking down into the boy’s intense blue eyes that always reminded Inara of his father’s, he said quietly, “Let her go. There’s nothing you can tell her to make this any better.”

Marveling at his insight, Inara pulled him close and hugged him as Simon appeared. At the sound of his footsteps, Daniel rose and ran to his father, Simon stooping down to pick the boy up and holding him tight.

“Is mom okay?” his son asked, his voice muffled as he laid his head against Simon’s shoulder.

Exchanging a concerned look with Inara that Daniel could not see, his friend rose to meet them, as Simon answered, “She’s just resting, buddy. She’s going to be fine.”

Holding tight to his father for a minute more, Simon held him back and then kissed his forehead and asked, “Where’s your sister?”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel looked to his father and said, “She’s having a fit. She ran off toward grammy’s.”

Nodding once, Simon’s eyes widened a bit at this information and he again looked to Inara who simply shrugged. Placing his son down, Simon asked him, “Will you do me a favor and look after her?”

Looking over his shoulder to the clinic door, Simon guessed at his son’s hesitation, and placed a gentle hand to his shoulder. Turning back to his dad, Simon told him, “I promise I will come and get you both the minute you can see her.”

With a shrug and a kiss to his father’s cheek, Daniel walked away slowly, heading with his hands in his pockets and his head down in the direction his sister had gone.

Watching him go, Inara felt tears in her eyes for him and for Rylee. This was scary enough for an adult, she had no idea how either child was coping – or their father for that matter. Turning back to Simon, Inara saw fear and love in his eyes, both emotions radiating from him with a startling intensity. Moving towards him, Inara placed a light hand to his arm, drawing his gaze to her. “Are you all right?”

Sighing heavily, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Looking back to her, Inara watched as he fought to withhold his tears and answered her, “No, not really.”

Trying to comfort him, Inara moved forward and hugged him lightly, but she knew that Simon would never be able to feel at ease until he knew his wife and children were safe. Stepping back from him a bit, Inara watched him struggle to keep his emotions in check and waited for him to say whatever it was he couldn’t avoid.

Pulling his eyes back to her face, he took both of her hands in his and said intently, “Inara, I need to ask you for a favor.”

Puzzled as to why he would think he had to ask, especially now, Inara told him, “Of course, Simon. Whatever I can do to help, just tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Simon dropped her hands and paced away from her for a moment, trying to determine the best way to ask this. It was a big favor, huge actually, but Simon knew that if anyone would be selfless enough to help both him and Kaylee it would the woman standing with him now.

Turning back to her, Simon did not meet her gaze as he began. “Kaylee is not doing well,” he admitted in a small voice. “And I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen.” Taking a step back towards her, Simon finally brought his blue eyes to her face and had to smile at the tears he saw in her eyes; she really was a good and genuine friend. “That’s why I’ve decided that Kaylee needs to go to the Core, to Osiris to stay with my mother until the twins are born. And I want you to go with her.”

Inara inhaled sharply at his request, a hand flying to her mouth as her eyes widened. Noting the seriousness of his expression and the intensity of his gaze, Inara could tell he was serious. Unable to form a thought, Inara could only stare at him and Simon, thinking he understood her trepidation, said hurriedly, “Mimi can go with you, if you want. Or she can stay here and I’ll take care of her. Whatever you feel is best.” Grabbing her hands again, Simon forced her eyes to meet his as he said quietly, “Please Inara, I don’t want her to go alone.”

“Then you should go,” she told him, her voice sounding more firm than she had thought it would.

Shaking his head, Simon backed away a bit and told her shamefully, “I can’t. It’s still too dangerous for me to go into the Core, especially to Osiris. That’s why I’m asking you. Kaylee trusts you and loves you and I know you’ll do everything you can to keep her safe, to let her know she’s loved.”

His eyes were pleading with her, begging her to accept his decision and his request, but as the full extent of the situation dawned on her, Inara felt her jaw set tightly. Striding towards him with a bit of anger burning in her eyes, she told him quietly, “No.”

As Simon worked his mouth to ask her why, Inara went on, unheeded. “You can’t ask her to do this, Simon. You can’t expect Kaylee to leave you now. It’s not right.”

Shaking his head stubbornly, Simon told her. “I don’t care. If she stays here there’s a good chance I’ll lose her or the twins or all three of them and I can’t let that happen. She needs better care than I can give her here.” Moving forward and taking Inara by the shoulders, he said quietly, “I will not watch her die.”

Biting back tears, Inara knew Simon was trying to rattle her, but she would not be deterred. “Simon, you don’t know that sending Kaylee into the Core will make a bit of difference, I know you don’t.” As Simon backed away from her, Inara knew her hunch had been right. “If you did, you would have sent her months ago.” Waiting for his rebuttal and not getting it, Inara pressed on. “And if you send her there, far away from you and her children and the worst happens, she’s not going to need me.” Moving towards him, Inara rested a hand on his face and met his watery eyes with her own solid gaze. “She’s going to need you.”

Fighting back his tears of frustration, Simon took the hand she’d placed to his cheek and begged, “Inara, please. Please do this for us.”

Backing away from him, Inara’s gaze was resolute, her tone steely as she told him, “If Kaylee agrees to go, I will go with her, of course. But Simon, if you allow your fear to push her away …” Inara let the statement die, not really sure she needed to or should finish it. As Simon again raised his blue eyes to her face and she saw his pain there, she knew it was better left unsaid.

Moving past him, she walked into the clinic, looking for Millie and was not surprised when just a few minutes later, Simon entered, heading straight for Kaylee’s room. Closing her eyes and saying a silent prayer to Buddha and the Shepherd, Inara could only hope she’d managed to get through to him.

***

Simon entered Kaylee’s room quietly, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light. They had put her in the most comfortable of the rooms, the one with the biggest bed and the best view of the yard outside. Of course, that view was closed off now, the curtains drawn across the windows so Kaylee could rest with no distractions. Not that it mattered as she had yet to stir.

With a sigh, Simon walked to her side and sat next to her lightly on the bed. Taking her hand in his, he kissed it gently and then gazed down at her beautiful and peaceful face. She had yet to wake up from her fainting spell a few hours ago, and although Simon knew it was just her body’s way of restoring its energy, he still craved to see her wide green eyes gazing at him.

Swallowing thickly past the lump in his throat, Simon’s thumb absentmindedly caressed the back of Kaylee’s hand as he stared at her. She was so beautiful, so unbelievably perfect that he felt his breath catch in his throat. He had never thought, as a boy or a teenager or a young man that he would ever be lucky enough to love a woman like Kaylee. The girls he had known growing up were vapid and shallow with little to no brains and devoid of any kind of life.

But Kaylee was none of those things – she was life, big and bright and full and her smile, along with her eyes, her laugh, her touch, could ease his spirit in ways he had never thought possible. Which only made this entire situation all the more unbearable.

Simon could not send her away, not as a husband. He wanted to be beside her at every moment, holding her hand, stroking her hair, telling her he loved her, so that she would know it would be all right, so that she would never have a moment to doubt his love for her. But as her doctor, Simon could not ignore her condition or the dangers it presented. Inara was right, it was fear that was driving him, but his fear, for Kaylee’s health and that of the twins was based in a very real concern and he could not dismiss that.

Looking to the monitors at her bedside, he noted her heart rate and was grateful that it had slowed somewhat. His eyes followed the clear line of the IV he’d placed in her arm, the small tube pumping nutrients and fluids into her system that she had been sorely missing. Returning his eyes to her face, Simon was relieved to see that her color was starting to return.

Reaching out to caress her cheek lightly, Simon only wanted her to wake up. He wanted to see those eyes and hear her voice; he needed to.

As if on command, he watched as her eyes rolled underneath their lids, her face twitching a bit as she struggled to wake. Edging closer, Simon held her hand more tightly and waited, biting his lower lip in anticipation.

With a slight sigh and the flutter of soft eyelashes against her cheeks, Kaylee’s eyes opened to him and Simon watched as she struggled to bring them into focus. Smiling at her, even as he felt tears welling in his eyes, he reached up and rested his hand against her face, holding her gaze as she finally murmured, “Simon?”

“Yes, bao bei, I’m here,” he told her gently, brushing some of her hair back from her forehead, and keeping her hand in his.

Her brow furrowing slightly, Kaylee’s eyes darted around the room and she asked sluggishly, “Where am I?”

Keeping his voice low and soothing, Simon continued to caress her cheek as he said, “You’re at Millie’s, in the clinic.”

With an even more worried gaze, Simon watched as Kaylee’s chest started to heave, her heart racing as she struggled to remember why she was there. “Why? What happened? Is the babies okay?”

“Shh,” Simon said quietly, trying to soothe her. Moving forward, he took her face in his hands and forced her eyes to meet his. “Shh, Kaylee, bao bei. It’s okay. The twins are fine. You fainted at your mom’s while we were getting ready for the party. Do you remember?”

Tears instantly welling in her eyes, Kaylee’s face contorted into one of utter sadness as she murmured, “Oh, poor Ry.”

Smiling sadly at her, Simon leaned forward and brushed a light kiss to her lips. “She’s fine, Kaylee. She and Daniel both. They just want you to get better.”

Nodding a bit, Kaylee tried to stifle her tears. Her hands instantly went to her belly, cradling it as she tried to piece together all that had happened. Simon continued to stay close, his hands over hers as they rested against her stomach, his bright blue eyes locked on her face. Watching him, Kaylee saw as his gaze flickered down to her abdomen and then back to her eyes, his expression turning from one of concern to one of shame.

Squeezing his hand gently, she murmured to him, “Honey, this ain’t your fault.”

Sighing heavily, Simon wished he could believe her. “Kaylee, I-"

“You didn’t know, Simon,” she reminded him, wanting so badly to convince him. “How could we have known that I’d end up carryin’ twins or that it would be so hard? It ain’t your fault, dong ma?”

Smiling sadly at her, Simon pulled one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it gently. They sat in silence for a moment more and then it was Kaylee’s turn to feel ashamed. “I’m sorry, Simon.”

His eyes widening in shock, he asked her, “For what?”

Swallowing hard, she told him, “I shoulda been straight with you, about how bad I was feelin’. It wasn’t right for me not to tell ya.” A few more tears leaked down her cheeks and gently, Simon reached out a hand to brush them away.

Shaking his head firmly, he was about to say something, when Kaylee’s breathless whisper stopped him. “Simon, I’m so scared.”

His heart breaking at his inability to do anything, Simon leaned towards her and pressed a light kiss to her mouth. “I know, bao bei,” he whispered. “I know.”

Pulling back to look at her again Simon knew he couldn’t tell her his plan now. She was still too weak and shaken by the events of the day. She needed more time to rest and feel like her old self before he told her that she would have to go to Osiris. Knowing it could wait another day, Simon watched as her eyes again closed and then reopened slowly, sleep pulling at them. Kissing her once more, Simon pulled back and whispered, “Just get some sleep, Kaylee. You just need to rest.”

She nodded imperceptibly and then tugged on his hand gently. Forcing her eyes to open once more, she whispered, “Stay with me.”

Smiling at her, Simon readjusted his firm grip on her hand and told her, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Shaking her head slightly, Kaylee let her eyes travel over to the empty side of the bed beside her. “No, Simon. Hold me, please.”

Needing little encouragement, he walked around the bed and lay down beside her, moving his arm around her shoulders so he could cradle her head against his chest. Placing his other hand over the one she still held to her stomach, he kissed her and murmured, “I love you.”

“Love you,” she breathed and then she was again asleep and Simon was again left alone with his fear.

***

The door to his office opened with the usual whisper and with a sigh, Gabriel Tam set down his data card and greeted the intruder. Looking up into the agent’s face, he saw no recognition there, no apology, no consideration for any common courtesy. Wondering why he was still surprised, after having known these sadists for over five years, he looked up to the man and asked wearily, “Yes?”

“We thought you might like to see this.” The man’s toneless voice belied nothing and with an annoyed gaze, Gabriel swiped the data stick from his hand and plugged it into his console. As the image sprang to life, he felt his breath catch in his throat and he asked hurriedly, “Where?”

“We received this image from just outside of Boros. The ship is scheduled to make landfall in about five days.”

Gabriel’s eyes raked over the sight before him, his tongue wetting his lips in anticipation. So, there she was after all, and she was coming back into the Core. With an undeniable excitement lighting his voice, he told the man, “Well, then I think it’s about time we extended an invitation,” and then turning back to his own console, he encoded a data stick, taking only moments to craft the message. He knew what to say – he had been practicing it for years.

Turning back to the expressionless man, Gabriel handed him the card and said, “Get this to them, at all costs.”

Glancing down to the slim rod and then back to the man before him, the agent asked, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go yourself?”

Shaking his head, Gabriel sat back and steepled his fingers in front of his face. Resting them gently on his lips, he thought for a moment, a dozen possible and highly probably scenarios racing through his mind at what could come of this new development. But the only outcome he cared about was regaining his freedom – his real freedom, and that would take patience and just a bit of manipulation – two traits he had in abundance.

“No, I think not. My children are not idiots. It will take time for them to trust me again.” Nodding in the direction of the data stick, he added, “And that is only the first step.” Besides, Gabriel knew now, better than just about anyone how deadly his children, especially River, could be. Going after her again, in a violent and bloody manner, would only result in his own demise, as it almost had the last time. Instead, he knew he would have to start slow, build her trust back and Simon’s, if he had any hope of getting what he wanted – what he deserved.

With an unreadable expression the agent again glanced to the older man and then strode from the room. Once he’d gone, Gabriel considered his question, wondering if perhaps surprising his daughter and son on Boros wouldn’t be more prudent; but with a shake of his head, he dismissed the thought again. No, if they were going to be lured back to him, back to the Alliance, then he would have to take things one step at a time. Neither of them would come willingly – that much he knew.

With a slight sigh, he rose and paced away from his desk to stand and survey the nighttime scene out his large window. With his hands clasped behind his back Gabriel considered all he had seen and experienced in the past four and a half years and had to admit, he was lucky to still be alive. After having been abandoned by his children and his wife, he had lit off of Osiris like a bat out of hell. Of course, the one drawback to his son’s failed attempt at re-integration was that Gabriel had been unable to make good on his promise, and he had learned the hard way, the Alliance never did anything for free – or gigantic sums of money.

The only way Gabriel had ever been able to convince the Alliance to bring Simon back to Osiris, back home, had been to bargain that he would eventually lure River there as well. The Academy wanted her back, especially since the Miranda incident; they wanted to study her again, see how her mind had shifted and changed since the knowledge of that information had hit the cortex, releasing a backlash of anti-Alliance sentiment the ‘verse had not known since the war. The Alliance was fairly certain that if a mind like River’s could “bounce” back from such heavy psychosis than there wasn’t much she couldn’t do, couldn’t learn … couldn’t kill. And that was of interest to them.

Gabriel had long ago resigned himself to the fact that his daughter was a freak, a lost cause and he was fine to let the Alliance’s agents play around with her mind, her body – as long as they left Simon alone. His son, his firstborn, would restore the Tam family name and leave a legacy of good works and untold wealth. Simon would do it, Gabriel would be sure of that. Or he would die trying.

***

Cadie found Rylee curled up in the corner of her room at her grandparent’s house, her face buried into her knees as she cried and cried. With a sympathetic look, Cadie rounded the bed and knelt before her, placing a light hand to the girl’s head. Rylee looked up at the touch, her big brown eyes full of tears and her cheeks stained with trails of dirt from the fall she’d taken earlier.

Wiping her nose on her sleeve, she looked sullenly at Cadie and sighed heavily. Keeping her hand on her head, Cadie asked quietly, “You wanna talk about it?”

Shaking her head fiercely, Rylee leaned back against the wall and let her legs fall straight in front of her. She didn’t want to talk about it, she just wanted it to go away. The feeling of dread and anxiety that had been with her for weeks now was starting to suffocate her and Rylee wanted to be able to breathe again.

Knowing that despite the girl’s refusal, she needed to talk, Cadie crawled over to her side and sat next to her. “Is it your ma?”

With another sigh and a fierce stubbornness, Rylee refused to answer her. There was no point; it couldn’t be fixed, whatever it was, Rylee knew that with a certainty she’d never be able to explain. This deep-seated feeling of tension and sadness was a dark cloud over her, her brother, her parents, over them all and try as she might she could not shake it, she could not blow it away, she could not brighten it. It just kept hanging overhead, heavy and immobile and Rylee had learned to fear it passionately.

“It’s dark, I know.” Cadie’s admission caused Rylee to gasp and with wide eyes, she looked to the older girl. Meeting her gaze, Cadie told her, “It’s only getting worse.”

Nodding imperceptibly, Rylee swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and turned slightly to face her friend. “It’s real heavy and cold and I don’t know how to make it go away,” she admitted, her voice small and shaky as she again tried to control her tears.

Her gaze full of understanding, Cadie told her, “I know. Which is why we need to figure out what it’s waiting for. It’s been around too long just to be an accident. There’s something coming.”

“The twins,” Rylee breathed, her eyes drifting to a far-off place as she again felt a stab of her mother’s pain and her father’s fear. There was something wrong with those children, Rylee knew that. Her brother and sister, so small, so tiny, so innocent, would be the cause of something, but what it was, Rylee could not guess – and it only made her dislike them more.

Studying her friend, Cadie watched as Rylee’s eyes narrowed with residual pain and then widened with understanding. “Someone’s here,” she whispered, curling herself up next to Cadie in fear.

Knowing that wasn’t the case because she couldn’t feel it, Cadie wrapped an arm around the girl’s trembling form. “No, no there ain’t,” Cadie whispered, resting her cheek into Rylee’s matted hair. “We’re all gonna be fine, you’ll see.”

It took Rylee a long while to stop shaking and when she finally did the only sound that escaped her lips was a terrified, “No, we won’t.”

***

It had been over a week since Kaylee had fainted and Inara had finally managed to reach her husband. Glancing to his ruggedly handsome face on the screen before her, she felt the smallest of smiles grace her lips. After the past week and a half, seeing the light in his blue eyes did wonders for her mood.

“You okay?” he asked her hurriedly, knowing it must be bad for Inara to track him down when he was on a job.

Smiling to him, she nodded once and then told him, “Yes, Mimi and I both are fine.” Swallowing hard, she hated to do this to him and the others; hated to worry them when they were so far away, but she wanted them to know what Kaylee and Simon were going through so they could hurry up and get back to their family. “It’s Kaylee.”

His eyes widening, Mal’s breath hitched in his throat as he asked, “What happened?”

Inara explained in as little detail as possible Kaylee’s collapse and the subsequent week. She watched her husband’s gaze go from afraid to sad to just a bit angry and she knew what he’d say next. “It ain’t fair,” he muttered, his voice tinged with bitterness.

“Fair or not, Mal, it’s happening.” As he again raised his eyes to meet hers, he saw the few tears that had formed in the corners and he wished to all the gods in the ‘verse that he was with her now. “Hurry home, please.”

“We will, bao bei, I promise, soon as the job’s done, we’re lighting back, full burn.” Trying to give her an encouraging grin, Mal knew the gesture was useless. “Are you all right?”

Nodding a bit, Inara let her eyes drift over her shoulder and out the window. With a sad sigh, she murmured, “I just know what she could lose, Mal.” Looking back to him, she added in an even softer tone, “And I don’t wish that on anyone, let alone Kaylee.”

With an even greater desire to be at his wife’s side, Mal took a step towards the screen and told her tenderly, “Listen to me, ‘Nara, I love you and I love Mimi. And you tell lil’ Kaylee that I love her too, and she’s gonna be fine. That girl has survived some pretty spectacular things in her day and she’ll survive this too.”

Inara smiled at him, knowing he was trying to reassure himself as much as her, and allowed him to continue. “And you tell Simon to stop being a doctor and start being her husband. That’s who she needs right now.”

Smirking at him a bit, Inara crossed her arms over her chest and asked playfully, “Is that a fact? And since when did you become such a marital expert?”

Returning her grin and the light in her eyes, he told her, “This is Simon we’re talkin’ ‘bout, ain’t it?”

Inara returned his smile and said suddenly, “I love you.”

With an even wider grin gracing his handsome features, he told her, “Yeah, will just ‘member that, ‘cause I’ll be back – soon.”

She nodded to him once and then watched as he ghosted his fingertips to the screen. Returning the gesture, Inara held his gaze for a moment more before the connection winked out. Wishing she felt better, wishing she had answers, wishing she could take away Kaylee’s pain and fear, Inara shook her hair back behind her shoulders and strode from the room and back to her mei mei’s side. Mal was right, Kaylee had survived her fair share of hardships and she would be able to survive this one as well. Inara just hoped that her unborn children would too.

***

They had been on Boros for a little over five hours and River was no closer to getting more answers than she had been when they’d landed. And it frustrated her. With a heavy sigh, she sat back at the terminal she’d rented, having finished her latest scan of the cortex with nothing to show for it.

It just wasn’t possible; how could a man like her father, the great Gabriel Tam, just disappear into nothing? It wasn’t as if he’d been killed or sent to jail, no, he had simply vanished and the fact that River could not find him not only set her on edge, but angered her to no end.

How she knew that her father could help her, she wasn’t able to puzzle out – but she did. He could give her what she wanted, what she and Jayne wanted, a child of their very own. It was that thought and the thought of her dead baby, lying in the ground back on Harvest that propelled her forward again, her hands moving deftly over the console with a renewed speed. She felt a twinge of sadness and a wave of guilt as she remembered Simon’s words. Of course, River could remember his fear even more vividly and it was that thought that caused her to shiver. She knew he was afraid and she knew that he truly believed her actions to be selfish and reckless, and while River knew she should heed his advice, she couldn’t. She had tried, although she knew Simon would never believe that, but despite her best efforts, the image that Cadie had showed her so many years ago, of that beautiful brown-eyed baby haunted her and with a fierceness River had never known she was going to fight to make it a reality.

After another few hours she again had to admit defeat and with disgust, walked away from the screen and out into the approaching night. Boros was by far one of the nicer border planets. River of course hated the place because it was here that Simon had been taken from her all those years ago. Burying the chill the memory brought to her skin, River wrapped her arms around herself and headed back in the direction of the port, knowing that if she did not return to the ship soon, Mal and Jayne would soon strafe the planet looking for her.

It was on her walk back, her mind consumed with more ideas to reach out to her father, that she felt the presence. It was as familiar to her as breathing and while that thought did not instill any comfort in her, it did help to slow her suddenly racing heartbeat. Changing course River headed down a narrow alley, her arms falling out to her sides, her hand hovering over her holstered weapon.

When she had brought her prey deep enough into the shadows, she whirled and struck out her leg, her shin making contact with his calves and knocking him to the ground with a thud. Moving swiftly, she was standing over him, her cocked gun aimed squarely at the middle of his forehead as he blinked the stars from his eyes.

“What do you want?” she growled, her voice low and dangerous.

The blue-handed agent showed none of the annoyance or pain she knew he was feeling and instead said in an even tone, “I have a message for you.”

Looking up and down his prone form, River raised a skeptical eyebrow to him and said, “I think you got some of your wires crossed.”

Not giving her the benefit of a reaction, the agent slowly rose, keeping his hands up and in plain view the whole time. River raised her gun to keep pace with his movements, and backed away from him a bit. When he was again standing in front of her, he reached into his coat pocket and without a word, she stepped towards him, waiting for him to pull a weapon so she could pull the trigger. When his hand was again visible in the moonlight and she saw the slim data stick there, she frowned.

“I told you,” he said again, extending the information to her. “A message.”

Snatching it from him harshly, River was about to question him again when the sound of a grunt and loud crack rang through the still night. With surprise all over her features, River watched the agent fall to the ground in a heap, Jayne’s angry gaze meeting hers as the man fell in front of him. Holstering the gun he’d used to crack the man’s skull, her husband moved towards her a concerned look on his face.

Hurriedly stowing the data stick she had received, River stepped out of his grasp and over the agent’s body as she headed for the mouth of the alley. “River!”

Jayne’s voice was angry and hurt and trying to ignore it, she kept walking, only stopping once he’d finally clamped his hand around her elbow and whirled her to face him. “Gorramit, what the hell are you doin’ out here?”

Her arms crossed over her chest in a gesture of defiance, River met his angry gaze and said simply, “Walking.”

His eyes widening in disbelief, Jayne turned back to regard the unconscious agent and then looked to his wife again and asked her, “Walkin’?” Studying her eyes for a moment more Jayne looked for a hint of truth in her gaze and didn’t find it. “Who the hell do you think you’re foolin’?”

Shrugging, River refused to meet his look and that only served to anger him further. Grabbing her roughly by the shoulders, Jayne shook her a bit, forcing her eyes back to his. “What the hell is goin’ on with you? First, I catch you in the shuttle going all over the cortex whenever you please and then I catch you out here, alone, with some Fed.” Looking back to the deadly assassin again, Jayne told her softly, “He coulda killed you.”

Rolling her eyes at him, River pulled out of his grasp and again started to walk towards the ship. “Please,” she muttered, annoyed that Jayne would have so little faith in her ability to take care of herself and so much confidence in the agent’s skills.

Stalking away from him, they were almost back to the docking port, by the time he stopped her again. “You really ain’t gonna tell me, are you?”

As River sighed once more and looked up into his blue eyes, the hurt she saw reflected there almost made her admit everything. But steeling herself against the pain she could see and the even worse betrayal she could feel, she told him coldly, “There’s nothing to tell, Jayne. I was out for a walk, and that agent started tracking me. I knew he was there and I got the jump on him. End of story.”

“Why’d you go off on your own?” Jayne was still not convinced and she knew it. He wanted answers, reasonable and believable answers and River did her best to provide them.

“I just needed some time to think, all right? Things have been pretty messed up lately, in case you haven’t noticed.” Her tone was colder than she’d intended, but it had the desired effect.

Walking away from her and towards the ship’s open ramp, she could read the anger and frustration in Jayne’s gait, his shoulders always hunched forward a bit when he was really upset and his pace always quickened. Thinking he would go in silence, River waited and was surprised when he again turned to face her.

“You know you could fix it, if’n you wanted,” he told her quietly.

With a start she knew exactly what he was referring too and she hated him for calling her on it. Of course there was a very simple solution to fixing the rift with her brother – give up. Give up her dream and Jayne’s, of having their own child, walk away from any semblance of a normal life, just because Simon was afraid. But she wouldn’t do it.

Shaking her head, it was River’s turn to stalk away. “No,” she told him fiercely as she bolted up the ramp past him. “No, I won’t do it. I won’t give up. This isn’t Simon’s decision and it’s not yours.”

Following her, Jayne hurried to stand in her path. With heavy hands on her shoulders, he told her, “Oh, I think it is, at least partly. It’s my kid you’re so desperate to carry.”

With new hurt in her eyes, River looked to him and she could tell he immediately regretted the statement. “That ain’t what I meant,” he breathed, dropping his hands from his shoulders and allowing his head to hang. Standing in silence for a moment, they both tried to control the anger and sorrow they felt and they both failed miserably.

“I don’t want you doin’ this,” Jayne finally admitted, not lifting his eyes to meet her face. “I don’t. Not Simon, not Mal, not anybody else, me.” When he finally did look to her face, he saw the conflict in her features. He knew what this meant to her, what the idea of being a mother meant to her and while Jayne had tried to convince her, it didn’t matter to him, she could tell, in that maddeningly eerie way of hers, that it wasn’t the truth. But what she refused to hear whenever he pled his case was the sincerity in his voice and his heart that having a child with her was not worth her life. He didn’t want to lose her, but River didn’t seem to care.

“I will do this, Jayne,” she told him quietly, her voice steady even as she blinked back a few tears. “I will, and it’ll all work out, you’ll see.” She stepped towards him now and placed a light hand to his face. “It will and then we’ll have our perfect child and everything will be all right. Everything will go back to normal.”

Shaking his head sadly, Jayne took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm. Dropping it gently to her side, he looked in her eyes for a moment more and told her, “No, darlin’. If you keep this up, nothin’ ain’t ever gonna be normal again.”

And with that, he turned, his soul tired and his heart heavy and left her there, more confused and conflicted than she had been before. With an anger rising in her gut, River dropped her hand into her jacket pocket and closed her slim fingers around the cold data stick. Glancing up to the shuttles, she rushed up the stairs determined to continue her search and prove Jayne wrong.

***

“I hope you were successful,” the agent said, his hand holding an ice pack to the back of his head as he sat down gingerly.

Regarding him coolly, his partner told him. “I was.” Glancing to the knot that was quickly forming on the other man’s head, he told him sourly, “Maybe you should be a bit more careful next time. Ninety-pound girls can be very deadly.”

Not showing his irritation as he had been disciplined to hide it, the other man simply sighed and then looked to the screen before them as it came to life. “Is it done,” the man asked, his graying hair and wrinkled face holding a look of fierce determination that both of the blue-handed agents knew well.

Nodding, the man standing said, “Yes, the signal is clear and strong.”

Smiling, Gabriel allowed a bit of satisfaction to seep into his heart. Not too long now, and he’d have everything he’d ever wanted – finally.

***

Got a comment? Got a question? Leave it!

COMMENTS

Wednesday, September 13, 2006 8:17 PM

TRESTA


Huh.

I am worried about River's state of mind, and curious about what is behind her suicidal drive to have her "own" baby. I'm beginning to think that she may need therapy - and I say that with all kinds of concern. One does imagine that there are counselors in the Firefly verse, and our heros have more resources now that Reagan Tam has re-established contact with her children.

River is putting all of her relationships in jeopardy; and it makes me very sad. The tension between Simon and River makes me sad. Please tell me that their issues will be resolved.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006 8:22 PM

QUIETSERENITY


Can't remember if I've commented before, but I've been following your work from way back when.

Such an ominous chapter! I agree...River is going way too far, there will be no one for her to bring a child to if she keeps it up, I'm afraid.
And although I love all of the chapters, this section caught me especially.

[Following her, Jayne hurried to stand in her path. With heavy hands on her shoulders, he told her, “Oh, I think it is, at least partly. It’s my kid you’re so desperate to carry.”]

It just said it all, River is acting so unilaterally, forgetting Jayne entirely.

Thanks for writing, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Friday, September 15, 2006 1:52 PM

SBZ


While I agree that River's near fanatical determination to have a child that is biologically hers is distressing and is likely heading into very dangerous territory for all of Serenity, I can understand it.

As of right now, River has not done anything that has directly led to Serenity being put in danger. It wasn't her cortex hacking that let them be located and allowed Gabriel to put a tracking device on the ship, it was the fact that they went to Boros, which they would still have done even if River hadn't undertaken this crusade.

And while I agree she doesn't have the right to unilaterally put the entire crew in danger, she does have the right to pursue something that was taken from her. The Academy stole so much from her - her late adolescence, any and all chance she had to be a "normal" person, her sanity (which is my one constant quibble about this entire series, she seems entirely *too* sane, regardless of the purging of the Miranda stuff), her innocence, and countless other things including her ability to have a kid. Out of that list, the only thing she can possibly reclaim is her ability to have children. In my mind, her crusade is about so much more than just having a kid, it's about fighting back, reclaiming what was stolen, and in a way proving that they didn't utterly shatter her, that she can be her own person and live as normally as possible - what's more normal than a woman having a child?

All this said, River has always been fairly conscious of how her very presence puts the people she loves in danger and her disregard for everyone's safety is a little troubling - but I reiterate, she has yet to directly put anyone in danger. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, when the danger becomes more clear and immediate, she takes off on her own to pursue her quest to keep everyone else safe (and when/if this happens, you can bet the others won't be happy and will want her back ASAP - the BDHs can be pretty damn hypocritical and it *really* rubs me the wrong way). She and Simon both have always had a bit of a martyr complex.

So, I guess I feel some readers are being a little too harsh on River. It likely has to do with the fact that we're seeing this from the outside, we know what the bad guys are up to, we know the go se is going to hit the fan and hurt all the BDHs, so we're railing against the characters for being so irresponsible. From their perspective, though, nothing has gone wrong yet and they're all still safe.

Anxious to see how Kaylee's pregnancy resolves itself.

Waiting for more.

Friday, September 15, 2006 2:56 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


You what the most brillaint thing about this chapter is? It's the twist on the assumption that Simon would start down the path towards being like Gabriel Tam. Doing what is necessary and damn the consequences. But its not Simon...it's River who's taken up the single-minded crusade mentality of her father in her quest to regain her ability to have children. And it honestly makes sense. Simon isn't like his father because he got shined on emotionally. It was River who was (as Gabriel's thoughts attest in this chapter) given almost no love by her father, and this has started to affect her. I have to disagree with sbz's commenets. River has been saner, but not perefectly sane throughout the three parts of this tale so far. We have only begun to see the deeper issues with the knowledge that River can have kids...if the antidote is obtained from the people who tortured her. I really would like to think that this could be a highly probably path Joss & co. could have taken with a post-Miranda Wave season of "Firefly," in that we would see River seemingly regaining her sanity mostly, but also noticing that she has dangerous tendancies towards taking action against people she perceives as trying to stand in her way. This is rather evident with River's above confrontation with Jayne: she's going on about how things will be shiny and normal once the obejective has been reached.

I really wanna not criticize River's behaviour here, as I doubt I would be any different if I was placed in even a vaguely similar predicament. She's in pain and she wants to fight back against those who harmed her. But I am just fearing that she will become worse than the Blue Hands and her father in getting to that goal:(

Also...I am really starting to wonder if Simon just made a big ole mistake by not talking with Kaylee about having her head off to Osiris for treatment. Cuz she could get a lot worse and his decision to delay the conversation could mean a lot more issues for their unborn twins.

BEB

Friday, September 15, 2006 5:07 PM

TRESTA


When I said that River was putting her relationships in jeopardy, I didn't mean that she's put her crew and family in danger. I meant that her actions and her pain could potentially drive a wedge between her and those she loves - particularly Simon, Jayne, and Kaylee- that she may never be able to remove, and she may not be able to repair the hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

I don't feel like I can comment on River's feelings, or exactly where she's coming from because I haven't been there. But I do see she's in pain, and that is something I hate to see.

So.... as Xander would say: not being judgey, just observey. ;-)

Friday, September 15, 2006 6:12 PM

BLACKBEANIE


'She’s going to need you.'

Stop breaking my heart!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006 7:08 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I have had training for a week, and I am just getting around to catching up on

fanfic. I should have lots of shiny feedback for you over the next day or so. :)

Simon asking Inara to go to Osiris with Kaylee was a bit of a surprise, but her

initial reaction was exactly what I thought it would be.

“Is that a fact? And since when did you become such a marital expert?”
Returning her grin and the light in her eyes, he told her, “This is Simon we’re

talkin’ ‘bout, ain’t it?”
~ Simon just can't seem to get a break from anyone, even when they are several

planets away

The fact that the data stick is really a tracking device is devious and evil and I love it. :)

Friday, September 29, 2006 11:42 PM

GRYFFYD


Why am I thinkin' that that disk her hundan of a father sent her has sublimital messages in it? Somethin' like, "Go crazy now" type things?

I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out. :)


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