A/N: Okay, as you saw from the last chapter, the angst is really taking off - so enjoy it!

Many thanks to Leiasky for all the great encouragement and the beta.

And many, many thanks to everyone who has been reading and responding - you all make my world go 'round!

***

A NEW DAY, ch. 5: In the Name of Love

***

With a sigh of relief, Simon pulled his stethoscope from Kaylee’s bare belly and pulled the blankets back over her. Looking to him with expectant eyes, Kaylee bit her lip, waiting for Simon’s diagnosis. Leaning down and kissing her lightly, Simon told her, “You’re fine and they’re fine. The three of you are doing quite well.”

Releasing her own sigh of relief, Kaylee’s eyes watered a bit and she blinked the tears away. Squeezing the hand he’d placed over hers, Kaylee took another deep breath and then allowed herself to relax into the softness of the bed. “Thank the stars,” she murmured, allowing her other hand to rub along her stomach.

Smiling at her again, Simon moved away from her to place his instruments back in his bag and then returned to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing a hand to her face. Opening her eyes to him, she smiled, that big, bright, beautiful smile that always made his heart stop. Returning the grin, Simon could not believe how much better he felt just knowing that Kaylee and the twins were in better health.

Knowing that Kaylee was stabilized also meant he could finally tell her his plan and start the preparations to get her to the Core, where he’d be assured that she and the babies would be happy and healthy. Stroking her cheek gently with his thumb, Simon told her softly, “I love you, Kaylee.”

Beaming even wider at him, Kaylee covered his hand on her cheek with her own and turned her face to kiss his palm, murmuring, “I love you.”

Clearing his throat, Simon was uncertain how exactly to go about this. He knew based on his conversation with Inara and his mother that this was probably not going to go well, but he had to do it, he had to ensure the health of both his wife and his babies, no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice. He only hoped Kaylee would see it that way as well.

Noting his hesitation and the furrow to his brow, Kaylee tugged gently on the hand she held and he lifted his eyes to her face. “What is it, sweetie?” she asked him quietly, her eyes searching for a hint to his trepidation.

Swallowing thickly, Simon told her, “I’ve been thinking a lot, over the past week or so, about when the babies are born.”

She nodded at him, quite willing to admit that it had been on her mind too. She had no idea how she was going to weather the birth of two babies at once, or caring for them both at the same time either. She was so grateful to know that she had Simon here, to support her and help her and love her, no matter how tired or cranky she got or how needy or moody she was. He really was the best.

“I’ve been thinking that it’s probably going to be a very difficult labor and delivery,” he continued, unaware of her internal musings. “And I’ve been thinking that it’s going to be very important for you to be well taken care of.”

Smiling at him, Kaylee reached out for his other hand and he gave it to her gladly. “That’s why I got you,” she told him. “The best doctor in the ‘verse.”

While Simon smiled at her compliment, the look did not reach his eyes and Kaylee saw it. The start of an icy trickle of fear raced through her heart, and she watched as he shifted uncomfortably and dropped his eyes from hers. “I am a good doctor, Kaylee, yes, but I’m not an OB/GYN. There are problems, complications that could crop up that I would be ill-prepared to deal with.”

“Well, that’s why Millie’s here,” Kaylee explained quickly, that icy tendril of fear growing quickly and spreading through her chest. “She’s had plenty o’ experience with birthing babies.”

Smiling sadly, Simon looked back up into her face and told her quietly, “Yes, Kaylee she has, but what you’re going through now, it could be worse than anything Millie’s ever had to deal with before.”

Fresh tears welling in her eyes, Kaylee squeezed his hand with all her might, an inexplicable fear grabbing her heart. “Simon, I don’t understand. What are you tryin’ to say?”

“Kaylee, please.” He smoothed her hair back from her head and shushed her, wishing he could do more for her, wishing he didn’t have to have this conversation at all. “Kaylee, what I’m trying to tell you is that I think you should go to Osiris and stay with my mother. Have the babies there.”

Inhaling sharply, Kaylee shook her head fiercely from side to side, dislodging her big, hot tears. Simon watched as the drops rolled down her cheeks and into her hair and he immediately had to swallow down the lump that rose in his throat. Edging closer to her, he told her, “Kaylee, it’s all right. You’ll have the best care, the best doctors, the best equipment. You and the twins will be all right.”

“I don’t want to go,” she told him, her voice a strained whisper as more of her tears fell. “Simon, I wanna stay here with Ry and Danny and my folks. Please.”

Shaking his head, Simon bit back his own tears and told her firmly, “No, Kaylee. It’s not safe. I can’t guarantee that you’ll be all right here. It’ll be much safer if you go to Osiris.” Again stroking her hair back from her head and resting his hand against her face, Simon brushed away a few of her tears as he told her, “And Inara will be with you. She’ll make sure everything’s all right.”

And with that statement Kaylee finally understood the root of her panic. Struggling to sit up, Simon helped her, noting the determination in her features. Panting lightly at the exertion, when Kaylee again brought her green eyes to his face, Simon’s breath caught in his throat at not only the anger in her gaze but the hurt. “You ain’t comin’.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and the sharpness of her tone surprised him.

Shaking his head slowly, he told her, “No, Kaylee. I can’t. It’s not safe for you. If anyone found out I was back or that you were my wife, carrying my children … They could try to use you to get to me or River and I can’t risk that,” he finished quietly, reaching up a hand to rest against her face and reeling when she turned out his touch.

Crossing her arms over her belly, Kaylee would not meet his gaze even as more tears rolled down her face. “I cannot believe you,” she bit out angrily, knowing that she should control her anger, that it wasn’t healthy for her or the twins, but not caring. Simon had started this and by God they were going to finish it. “If’n I’m in such bad shape, why’re you sendin’ me away?” she asked him, the edge in her voice dropping just a bit. “Don’t wan’ the burden, huh?”

Sighing heavily, Simon put a finger under her chin and drew her face back to his. “That’s not it and you know it,” he told her firmly, wishing he could have thought of another solution. “I just need to know that you and the twins will be safe. If you’re on Osiris in a hospital, I’ll feel a lot better.”

“And what ‘bout me, Simon?” Kaylee asked hotly, her jaw again set. “What ‘bout me? How am I gonna feel separated from you? Abandoned by my lovin’ husband, just when I need ‘im the most?” Her words stung and Kaylee watched as he grimaced shamefully at her assessment. Dropping his eyes to the bedspread, she knew he felt bad, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t do this to her, to them … not again.

“Ain’t it bad enough I already had to give birth to one of your babies when you weren’t there?” His head snapped up immediately, his eyes pooling with tears at the memory. Kaylee’s eyes filled as well, but she pushed past her sobs and bit out, “Now, you wan’ me to go halfway around the ‘verse to give birth to two more of ‘em? Alone?”

“Kaylee.” It was a breathed sob and Kaylee’s own tears let lose at the pained sound. Dropping her chin to her chest, Kaylee’s body again heaved as she cried heavy tears. Simon moved towards her and tried to comfort her, but she would have none of it. Pulling away from him, Kaylee told him, “Get out, Simon.” The coldness in her tone chilled him and when she again lifted her green eyes to his face, he saw a distance in her gaze he’d never seen before. “If’n I’m such a burden then why are you still here?”

With a shocked gasp, Simon rose, stumbling back a bit as her words really registered. How had this gone so terribly wrong? He had only been thinking of her, her health, her safety and that of their children. Why did that make him the bad guy?

Turning to head for the door, at a loss for what else to do, to say, the sound of Kaylee’s anguished sobs stopped his movements. Turning back to face her, he saw as she hunched forward and buried her face in her hands, her whole body shaking from the weight of her sadness and her fear.

Unable to leave her like this, Simon rounded to the other side of the bed where he had been sleeping beside her every night for the past ten days and edged closer, pulling her to his chest, even as she fought against him. “Get out, Simon,” she wailed, trying to pull back, but unable to do so. “I don’t wan’ you here.”

“Kaylee, please, bao bei.” He kept whispering to her, over and over again, hoping it would calm her. But as he continued to hold her, it seemed to have the opposite effect and crying with even more abandon, she finally pushed against him, using all the strength she had managed to regain over the week and bit out angrily, “If you loved me, you never would have asked me to go to Osiris.”

“Kaylee, how can you say that?” Simon’s tone was edging on harsh and he hated it, but he would not let her berate him for trying to help her. That was just ridiculous. “It’s because I love you that I want you to go. Because I love you and my children that you’re carrying.”

Shaking her head violently, she told him, “No, you don’t. Cause if’n you did you couldn’t stand to be away from us.” Looking into his face, her own eyes flashed from angry to imploring as she told him, “I can’t stand bein’ apart from you. How can you just send me away like that, ‘specially now?”

“Kaylee this isn’t about what I want,” he finally shouted, rising off the bed and pacing away from her. Trying to control his anger and failing miserably, he turned back to her and said, “Do you think, for a minute that I want this? That I wanted to see you suffering? That I wanted to fear for your life and the lives of our children?” His chest heaved from his emotion and he watched as Kaylee took a few deep shaky breaths. “How can you think this has anything to do with what I want? I want you to be safe and healthy. I want to know that if something happens, I did everything I could to prevent it. If you stay here, that won’t be the case.”

“An’ I don’t care,” Kaylee shouted back at him, her voice thick with tears. “I don’ care a whit ‘bout any o’ that, ‘cause I can’t go through this without you, Simon. I can’t,” she repeated, her voice lowering. “I can’t.” And then with a sharp intake of breath, her hands flew to her stomach and all of Simon’s fears and concerns were realized in that one moment.

Moving towards her, Simon rested a hand against her back and asked her urgently, “Kaylee, tell me. Tell me what you feel.”

Sucking in a breath through clenched teeth, Kaylee raised her head a bit and then breathed a few short pants followed by a long exhalation. “It hurts,” she finally murmured, the pained expression on her features lessening a bit as she again sat back against the headboard. “Felt like a contraction to me.”

Swallowing thickly, Simon moved back to his kit as Kaylee took more deep breaths and closed her eyes, praying that she really wasn’t in labor. It was too soon, almost two months too soon and she feared what would happen to her babies if she went into labor now.

Returning to her side, Simon pressed his stethoscope back to her belly and then looked to her. “I’m going to get Millie. Will you be all right?”

She nodded once, still feeling a bit of a twinge in her abdomen and watched Simon hurry for the door. Fighting back more tears, Kaylee took another deep breath and replayed the fight with her husband in her mind. She knew he had a point and she knew, deep down, that he would never have mentioned sending her to Osiris if he didn’t believe it was truly the necessary thing to do. But Kaylee could not go. She knew that it was selfish of her, and maybe a better mother, a stronger woman, would make that sacrifice, would travel that distance just to be sure that her babies were safe. But Kaylee knew that if something terrible were to happen, she would never survive it without Simon by her side.

***

“Well?”

Simon’s blue eyes were dark with concern and clouded with fear and Millie placed a light hand to his arm, trying to give him some semblance of comfort. Walking with him away from Kaylee’s closed door, she sighed a bit and then turned to regard him. “She ain’t gonna get any better.”

With a heavy sigh of his own, Simon leaned back against the exam table in the clinic’s main room and brought a hand up to cover his eyes. “I know,” he admitted quietly. “What do you think we should do?”

Looking back down the hall in the direction of Kaylee’s room, Millie’s mind whirled with ideas. Unfortunately, none of them were particularly safe or particularly easy, but at this juncture, they were more than likely their only chance to keep everyone healthy.

Reaching out, Simon placed a light hand to the woman’s arm and drew her gaze back to him. “Please, Millie, just tell me.” His eyes were pleading with her to give him a solution, to make him useful and with a resignation in her features, she did just that.

“The way I see it, we got two options,” she began, leaning back against he counter across from him. “Kaylee’s at, what, 28 weeks?” Simon nodded once and she continued. “Well, we could wait it out another month, try to get the babies to the point where she can deliver ‘em natural, but –“

“But with her condition not getting any better, that could cause fetal distress, deprive them of oxygen,” Simon finished, knowing the complications by heart.

Nodding, Millie said, “Yeah, that’s right, it could. So our other option …”

Sighing again, Simon heard her trail off and knew exactly what she was going to say. Again rubbing a hand over his face, he murmured, “A c-section.”

“Yeah, son,” Millie told him, her voice soft. “I’m thinking right now, that’s prolly our best choice.”

Looking to her with wide eyes, Simon asked incredulous, “How can you say that? How can you say that cutting Kaylee open and taking out those babies when they’re barely developed enough is the best choice?” His eyes were pained as he realized what he’d just said, as he realized that if they were going to do this, he would be the one to perform the surgery as Millie would not be skilled enough.

“’Cause, Simon, it’s the truth.” Moving towards him, Millie’s eyes held his steady as she told him, “I ain’t sayin’ it’s preferable to waitin’ it out, but I don’t think Kaylee’s body can take that. And I definitely don’t think them kids can neither.” Making sure his eyes were focused on her, she told him, “If we don’t take ‘em, soon, there is a very real chance you’re gonna lose someone very dear to you. Whether it’s them babies or Kaylee, I can’t tell ya, but I know you don’t want to risk it.”

Swallowing hard, Simon digested her words and knew she was right. For Kaylee and for the twins, the best thing to do was to operate. Looking to a corner of the clinic, Simon saw the new, specialized equipment he had bought months ago, just in case. Now, he was going to have to use it and he hated it. Hated the way the metal shined and the plastic reflected the light. Hated that in probably a week his children, his tiny, fragile newborns would be encased in those incubators, fighting for life.

Looking back to Millie, Simon blinked away a few tears and told her, “I’ll need to discuss it with Kaylee. She’s got to know what’s going on.”

Millie nodded to him once, not at all envying the boy’s situation. “She’s gonna be all right, Simon,” she told him, trying to smile and offer some reassurance. “You and me, we’ll take good care of her.”

Simon returned her small grin, even though he felt no joy. With a slight sigh, he moved back towards Kaylee’s room wishing, not for the first time, that he had the power to protect her from any hurt in the ‘verse.

***

Mal was unable to sleep and he didn’t like it. The feeling of unease that had slowly settled in his gut since he’d heard from Inara a week ago was starting to affect him and it was with a sour look that he took another sip of his tea and sat back heavily.

He smiled a bit as he looked into the dark liquid in the mug before him. Years ago he never would have drank tea to calm his nerves; no, he more than likely would have poured a generous helping of rice wine, or more recently some of Kaylee’s home-brewed ale and allowed his head to swim. But as she had with many other aspects of his life, Inara had changed him – and he found himself not minding a bit.

With a sad sigh, he thought of her warm brown eyes and her weary expression as she had told him of Kaylee’s condition. Mal could read her, better than she’d ever want to know, and he had seen not only her concern for her friend but her own grief as well. Grief at the memory of their lost child which both of them were trying vainly to move past, but were still unable to dismiss completely. He didn’t know if they would ever truly move on, it was an awful memory to have to harbor, especially when confronted with his daughter’s gentle laugh and smiling face. Mimi was a reminder of all they had and all they’d lost and Mal wished that someday soon, they could try again.

A noise from behind him drew his mind from his reverie and he turned slightly to see Zoe enter the galley. Giving her a tired smile, Mal again raised his cup to his lips and took a sip as his second sat down next to him. It was good to have her back on board, Mal had to admit. He had tried not to tell her that too much over the past few weeks as he didn’t want to put any undue pressure on her, but he would be so incredibly grateful if she would again agree to fly with him.

“Couldn’t sleep, huh?” Her quiet voice again shook him from his musings and as he placed his mug back to the table, he leaned forward a bit and cradled the warm ceramic in his hands.

Sighing, he told her, “No, ‘fraid not.”

“Kaylee?” Zoe questioned, reading her friend’s troubled gaze with a practiced eye. There wasn’t much he could keep from her, despite his best efforts and she had noted the tension in his mannerisms as the days had dragged by since Inara’s call. “You worried about her?”

He nodded once and then blushed a bit, feeling a twinge of shame that in truth, it wasn’t Kaylee he was most worried about. “I am, certainly,” he confided, raising his blue eyes to meet her dark, dark brown eyes. “But to be honest, it’s ‘Nara I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout.”

Smiling sympathetically at him, Zoe could understand. She knew that both of her friends were still having a rough time coming to grips with the miscarriage and she knew even more surely that Mal had almost not taken this job as it would put him off planet and away from Inara for so long. But Zoe also knew them, and she knew that while both Mal and Inara were hurting, they were unbelievably strong, if not a little stubborn; they would manage to make it through this, more than likely all the better for the trial.

“She gonna be all right?” Zoe asked, trying to keep him talking, knowing that for Mal it wouldn’t be good for him to dwell alone.

Nodding again, he returned his eyes to the dark tea before him and lost his gaze there for a minute as he said absently, “Oh, you know, ‘Nara. Ain’t no one in the ‘verse more right than she is, no matter what.” There was a hint of bitterness to his tone that was not lost on his friend, but she let it pass, waiting for him to continue. “I know she’s gotta be bothered by all that’s goin’ on with Kaylee, but she won’t tell me ‘bout it.”

“Don’t you think that might be because you ain’t there, and she don’t want you worrying?” Zoe questioned, trying not to be too hard on her friend, but hoping she could talk some sense into him. After four years of marriage and a child, Mal could still be incredibly dense.

“I ‘spose,” he admitted, again looking to her. “But that don’t make it any easier to deal with.” With another heavy sigh, he sat back dejectedly and told her, “I jus’ wanna get back is all.”

Zoe regarded him for a moment and then finally told him, “I waved Chen.” As Mal brought a startled expression to her face, she hurried on. “He said that if’n we want we can delay the drop for a few days. It’d give us enough time to get you and River back to Harvest. Jayne and I can finish the job.”

Grateful that she had asked, Mal reached across the table and squeezed her hand lightly in thanks. “I ‘preciate that, Zo, but it ain’t right. We finish the job, get the coin and get back to Harvest as quick as we can.”

Nodding once, Zoe’s eyes followed his movement as he slugged back the rest of his tea and rose to deposit his cup in the sink before heading back to his bunk. “River’s already got us on full burn. We should be able to shave off at least a few days,” she called after his retreating form.

Waving his acknowledgement to her, Mal did not turn back to face her as he said, “’Night, Zoe.”

Left alone, Zoe sat back heavily and allowed her eyes to roam the empty dining room. “’Night.”

***

Daniel had snuck into his mother’s room as soon as his father had left to shower. Approaching her bed, Daniel could make out the profile of her sleeping face in the early morning light and with a bit of an effort, he crawled up and onto the bed beside her.

Reaching out a little hand, he placed it over her round tummy and watched her for a moment as she breathed in and out. She wasn’t as pale as he remembered from Rylee’s birthday, nor as agitated and he was glad. He didn’t like it when his mom was sick, it made him nervous and anxious although he’d never be quite sure why.

“Mama?” His voice was small and quiet, barely above a whisper and Kaylee did not stir. Scooting closer to her, Daniel leaned his face down to her ear and whispered more urgently, “Mama, wake up.”

Blinking rapidly, Kaylee opened her eyes at the sound of his voice and brought her room into focus. Stifling a yawn, she turned her head to see Daniel’s angelic face staring back at her, his blue eyes wide, the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. Reaching out a sluggish hand to place against his cheek, she murmured to him, “Mornin’, baby. You okay?”

He nodded quickly and sat back from her a bit and asked hurriedly, “Are you?”

Smiling wider at him, Kaylee blinked back a few tears and told him, “Of course, I am baby. Your daddy and Millie’s takin’ real good care o’ me.”

Glancing to her big belly, he asked quietly, “What about the babies?”

Absentmindedly rubbing her hand along her stomach, Kaylee swallowed down her own rising fear, knowing that in truth her unborn children were not doing so well. But it would do no good to frighten her five-year-old son. “They’re gonna be just fine, don’t you worry none, ya hear me?”

He brought his big blue eyes back to her face and returned the grin she’d given him. Leaning against her to get more comfortable, they were talking and laughing by the time Simon returned, at first surprised to see his son there, and then grateful to see the light that the boy inspired in his wife’s face.

“Mornin’, honey,” Kaylee called to him as he reentered the room.

Grinning at her, Simon crossed the distance to her and kissed her lightly before placing a kiss into Daniel’s hair. “Good morning, to both of you,” he said, turning an amused gaze to Daniel.

Blushing a bit, Daniel averted his gaze and told his father sheepishly, “I just wanted to see her.”

Puzzled, Kaylee looked between Simon and her son and then finally let her gaze rest back on her husband’s face. “Well, of course, you can see me, baby. Ain’t that right, Simon?”

Nodding once, Simon prayed silently that Daniel would not say anymore. He hadn’t forbidden Rylee or Daniel from seeing Kaylee, but he had wanted to keep the visits to a minimum; Kaylee’s condition was extremely fragile right now and while he knew his children would never mean her any harm, they could unwittingly cause too much of a ruckus and do more harm than good.

“Of course, he can,” Simon told her, sitting in the chair beside the bed and pulling his son into his lap. “Where’s your sister?” he asked, looking into Daniel’s face even as the boy’s blue eyes stayed locked on Kaylee’s.

Shrugging slightly, he finally turned to regard his father and said, “She’s with Cadie, I think. They’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

Frowning a bit at this assessment, Simon knew of only one reason Rylee would feel the need to reach out to the older girl and he didn’t like it. Glancing to Kaylee, he guessed that she didn’t either.

Reaching out a hand to her son, she took Daniel’s small fingers in her own and asked quietly, “Is your sister okay, baby?”

Looking to his dad, Simon saw something flash in those blue eyes that instantly set him on edge. As if knowing what to do, Daniel nodded imperceptibly to his father and then turned back to his mother, meeting her furrowed brow with a big smile. “Sure she is, mama, she’s just been playing with Cadie a lot. They love those dolls that Aunt River bought her.” Shrugging easily, he muttered, “I don’t know why, they’re just stupid dolls.”

Her tension immediately eased, Kaylee giggled slightly at her son’s comment and the sound filled both of her men with light hearts. Hefting Daniel into his arms, Simon rose with him and told the boy, “All right, give your mother a kiss and then it’s time for breakfast.”

Leaning down so Daniel’s lips could brush Kaylee’s cheek, she wrapped her arms around him, and murmured, “Love you,” into his dark hair before Simon headed with him for the door. Looking back to her, Simon smiled at her and said, “I’ll bring back some breakfast for you too. I think we should try solid food today.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Kaylee muttered, “Oh, great,” and then grinned to him again as he caught onto her sarcasm. Holding her gaze for a moment more, Simon left with Daniel and waited until they were outside heading around to Millie’s kitchen before questioning his son.

“What’s the matter with Rylee?” he asked, looking down into Daniel’s again concerned gaze.

Shrugging a bit, Daniel didn’t know how much of any of this he should really tell his dad. He was fairly certain that his parents did not know about Rylee’s anger or hatred towards their new siblings, but as the past week had ground by, she had become increasingly agitated, even refusing to see Kaylee when Simon or he would ask. And he knew that whatever she talked about with Cadie was bad, because both girls were on edge constantly now, never straying too far from one another and sharing knowing glances he had no hope of deciphering.

“I don’t know, dad, but she’s worried about something and it’s getting worse,” he finally admitted, meeting his father’s blue-eyed gaze with his own.

Sighing heavily, Simon wished his sister were here and not for the first time. Ever since Kaylee had fainted, he had secretly wanted River with him and Kaylee. He needed her support in this, no matter how upset they were with each other and he knew that Kaylee could use her help as well. Besides that, he selfishly wanted her insight into just what was happening and now, he wanted her to help his daughter as well.

Walking in silence, Simon paused on the threshold to Millie’s kitchen door, the sound of chattering voices and laughter lilting through the screen to them both. Placing him down, Simon reached for the handle and told his son, “Listen, I’m going to talk with her, all right? But you did the right thing before – I don’t want to worry your mom with what could be nothing.”

Smiling proudly at the compliment Daniel strode into the room with his head held high as Simon opened the door for him. Trying to push away the growing fear in his gut yet again, he followed his son and hoped that whatever Rylee was feeling was just a result of her overactive imagination and not a true indicator of worse things to come.

***