A/N: You'd think that Rylee's rescue would have signified the start of an angst-free period for our BDHs, but alas, the angst has not lessened yet.

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta - once again.

Please continue to read and respond - comments make me happy!

***

A NEW DAY, ch. 17: Watching & Waiting

***

For the five days that they had been in the hospital, River had yet to come out of her coma, making Jayne nervous, agitated and not at all pleasant to be around. Even the nurses and doctors had started giving him a wide berth, whether it was when they passed him in the hall, the cafeteria or entered his wife’s room to check on her.

Simon had spoken with the doctor and assured Jayne that River was receiving the best possible care, and while he was fairly certain that Simon was pretty much useless a good portion of the time, Jayne did know that his brother-in-law knew plenty about doctoring and if he said his sis was on the road to recovery, than it was true.

But that did not change the fact that Jayne was going just a bit crazy. He needed her to wake up – it wasn’t the same way he needed food or air or water, but he still needed it, he needed her, in a way he had forgotten in their years together and every day as he stared at her peaceful face, he could only remind himself never to take advantage of her again.

It was late and he was dozing. They had tried to tell him he couldn’t stay in the hospital all hours of the day, but that hadn’t gone over well, and so after Regan had made a few calls, the nurses stopped reminding him about visiting hours. So he had set up two chairs in the corner of the room facing each other, and he was stretched across them now, waiting and sleeping occasionally until his wife awoke.

His head falling forward at a particularly fast velocity caused his eyes to snap open and deciding to switch positions, he got up and headed back to River’s side. With his forehead resting on the soft mattress next to her hand, he was soon asleep and snoring loudly.

It was to this noise which sounded like a saw running through River’s head that she awoke. Her senses assaulted her all at once as each of them again readjusted to working, her ears quickly identified the loud sound and with a small smile on her face, she turned her head to the side, casting her eyes down to see the top of Jayne’s head.

With a shaky hand, she reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, needing to tug on the strands gently in order to get him to wake – the man was a heavy sleeper.

“Wha, wha’s goin’ on?” He was groggy and it took his eyes and his brain a minute to communicate. With a few rapid blinks, he finally turned his attention towards her and the smile that lit his face at seeing her awake brought a few tears to her eyes.

“Hey you,” she murmured, her throat sore from the lack of water and the intubation from the surgery.

“Hey, baby girl,” Jayne answered, his voice soft. Leaning towards her, he rested a hand against her face and saw the tears that had fallen out of the corner of her eyes. Wiping them away gently, he asked her, “You okay? You need the doc?”

Squeezing the hand he held, she shook her head slightly and whispered, “No, don’t leave.”

“I won’t, baby,” he reassured her, getting up from the chair and sitting closer to her on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been here the whole time with your ma.”

Frowning at him slightly, she murmured, “Sorry.”

Chuckling a bit, River closed her eyes for a second against the warm, happy sound. It was one she had feared she’d never hear again. “Nah, it’s all right. I think your ma and I, we got an understandin’.”

River again opened her eyes to him and managed to ask, “Rylee?”

His face immediately fell and River felt more tears pool in her eyes. “She’s gettin’ the help she needs.”

“I need to see her,” River said, trying to move out of the bed, but unable to do so as her abdomen protested the motion and she had to fall back against her pillows with a wince.

“Hey, hey, easy now,” Jayne chided, running a hand over her hair as she panted a bit from the pain in her gut. “You’ve been through a lot. You can see her in a couple o’ days, when you’re feelin’ better.”

River shook her head slightly, knowing that a couple of days would be too long. As soon as she had awoken, she’d felt Rylee’s pain, calling out to her, begging for her to help. She knew that Rylee had always thought that the two of them shared a special connection and now she felt that even more deeply as she knew that once upon time, River had gone through the same torture she had.

“I have to see her tomorrow, Jayne,” she told him breathlessly, her tear-filled eyes pleading with him to understand. “Please, it’s important. She needs me.”

Trying to calm her, Jayne said soothingly, “All right, baby, we’ll take care of it first thing in the mornin’, okay?”

She nodded once, knowing that Jayne would move heaven and earth to get whatever she needed, possibly for the rest of her life. As he continued to run his hand through her hair, River felt sleepy again, the low light in the room and the drugs in her system making her eyes heavy.

Jayne watched as her eyelids again tried to close, but each time, River fought the motion, fluttering her brown eyes back to him. Leaning down and pressing the lightest of kisses to her lips, he murmured, “You just go to sleep, darlin’. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“You won’t go?” she asked him, feeling the urgent tug of sleep.

Leaning forward, Jayne wrapped her hand tightly in his own, and told her, “You sleep, now, baby, and tomorrow, you can see Ry.”

River mumbled something he could not hear, and then she was asleep again. Jayne watched her for a long while, so grateful that she had finally returned to him.

***

Simon was in the clinic, watching over Ethan and Emma when Kaylee returned from an afternoon visit with Inara. She had taken to trying to walk more and more each day, hoping to have regained her strength completely by the time Rylee returned. Simon knew that part of it was just her desire to find something to do to take her mind off her daughter’s pain, but he didn’t mind, as he secretly was glad to have the twins to watch over the for the same reason.

Entering the clinic, she saw him sitting there and with a bright smile, crossed the room to him and kissed him soundly. They had yet to be together since the surgery and Simon knew that it would be another four weeks at least, given all of Kaylee’s complications before it would be considered safe. And he was having a very hard time waiting.

Pulling back from him, she must have seen some of the desire in his eyes, because she chose to flounce herself into his lap, grinning wickedly. “Hi there,” she whispered hotly against his ear, nibbling at the soft flesh there and getting a groan in return.

Leaning back from her a bit, Simon fixed her with a knowing smile and said, “Kaylee, you are going to kill me one day, you realize that, don’t you?”

Pouting at him, Simon was forced to reach up and kiss her again if only to get the look off her face. When they again parted for air, Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and let her gaze wander to their two little babies. “How’re they doin’?”

Smiling, Simon followed her eyes and looked at first Ethan and then Emma’s small forms. In just over the month since they had been born, they had done remarkably well, and Simon had actually been waiting very impatiently for Kaylee to return as he had a surprise for her. “Well, they’re doing very well, Kaylee,” he told her, kissing her cheek, and then moving her off his lap.

As he rose she pouted to him again, but then smiled when he sat her back in the chair he’d just vacated. “In fact, they’re doing so well, that you can hold them.”

Her eyes lighting with joy, Kaylee breathed in sharply and asked, “I can? Really?”

Grinning at her obvious joy, Simon kissed the tip of her nose and said, “Really.”

Turning from her, he undid the sides of Ethan’s incubator and gently, being sure to cradle his still small body, lifted the boy out wrapping one of the receiving blankets they’d been given around him to keep him warm. Looking back to Kaylee, he saw that her eyes were still dancing with unbridled happiness, but also filling with a few tears.

Glancing down at her he asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

She nodded once, unable to trust her voice and instead reached for the precious bundle Simon was holding. “Please let me hold ‘im.”

“Okay,” Simon murmured, and moving forward he switched Ethan into Kaylee’s waiting arms.

The look of pure content that settled over Kaylee’s face as she held their son to her breast caused Simon’s eyes to wet with moisture. He had always seen Kaylee’s capacity to love as the deep and boundless trait it was, but never was it more in evidence to him than when she was caring for their children. She was truly the best mother any child could hope for and Simon was so glad that she had consented to be the mother of his.

Moving to get Emma, Simon wrapped his daughter to his chest and sat down in a chair opposite Kaylee and Ethan, watching as Kaylee made faces at the boy, talking to him with that soft, lilting voice of hers that always calmed any of their children. His eyes again a bit teary, Simon blinked rapidly to clear them, as he looked down into Emma’s peaceful face. She was a beautiful baby and the sight of her only reminded him of Rylee, their one child who was not here, but should be.

Lost in the wonder of his daughter, Simon had no idea how long he stared or how long Kaylee had been studying him, but when he finally felt her eyes on him and looked to her, he saw the same pain reflected in her face. With a broken voice, she murmured to him, “Ry.”

Smiling sadly, Simon reached out a hand and gently placed it against her knee. “I know, bao bei, but she’ll be home soon.”

Nodding once, Kaylee tried to quell her guilt and her sadness at the pain Rylee was suffering and her inability to be with her. Glancing to Simon once more, she smiled weakly at him and then rose abruptly, placing little Ethan back in his bed and hurrying for the door.

Calling after her, Simon said quickly, “Kaylee?”

Turning another weak grin to him, she mumbled, “I’ll be back, sweetie,” and then she was gone.

Looking down into Emma’s face, Simon sighed heavily and whispered to the girl. “Your mama is a mystery, little one.”

***

Unable to find anyone to watch the twins until Millie returned to the clinic after dinner, it was hours later when Simon could finally go in search of his wife. Guessing where she might be, he headed for his in-laws and found her, in Rylee’s room, smoothing the comforter over her bed.

At his entrance, she looked up and smiled at him, but it was a fake smile that did not meet her eyes and the sight of it made Simon’s stomach churn uncomfortably. “Hey sweetie, did you get some supper?”

Shaking his head, Simon rounded the bed and reached for her, but she easily side-stepped his grasp and went about to straightening some of the toys and knick knacks that adorned her room. Simon watched Kaylee for a few moments, his eyes drifting about the now immaculate space. She had obviously been here since she’d fled the clinic, cleaning. And Simon knew what that meant – in lieu of having Serenity to tinker on while they had been planetside, Kaylee had taken to cleaning whenever she was bothered by something. And while her mother wasn’t about to complain whenever she went on one of her little spurts, it still made Simon all kinds of uncomfortable.

Staying where he was, Simon watched her for a moment more and then said quietly, “Kaylee, look at me.”

Glancing over her shoulder at him, she still had that fake smile plastered on her face and he still hated it. “What, sweetie?”

Doing his best to swallow his fear and his concern for her, he said, “Kaylee, stop.”

At his words she paused, her hands stilling over the toys she’d started to align. With a sigh, she placed her hands, palms down on top of the dresser and not looking to him, said quietly, “I can’t, Simon.”

“Why?” he asked her, edging closer.

“Because I gotta do somethin’ to be useful or this waitin’ is gonna kill me.” She finally did bring her eyes to meet his at this admittance and Simon felt his breath hitch in his throat. Her wide green eyes were again colored with fear and heartache and Simon couldn’t stand it.

Crossing the distance between them, Simon took her face in his hands and told her, “I know, bao bei, but it’s just a little while longer and then she’ll be home.”

“And then what?” Kaylee’s voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the despair in her tone. “Then what, Simon? Is she gonna still be the Rylee we remember or is she gonna …” Kaylee couldn’t finish the statement as she realized, a split second before the words would have come how unbelievably cruel they would be.

But Simon already knew what she was going to ask, because he had been asking himself the very same thing. “Or is she going to be like River,” he finished for her, his voice soft.

Turning tear-filled eyes to him, Kaylee could only nod, a few of her tears spilling loose and falling down her face and against his hands. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I’m sorry, I know it’s awful, but I just can’t help thinkin’ ‘bout those first few months when you two were on board.”

“Neither can I,” Simon admitted, hating the fact that he could recall with such startling clarity exactly how insane his sister had been. Looking back to her, Simon told her calmly, “Kaylee, we don’t know what Rylee will be like when she gets back. She probably will be changed.” Kaylee let out a sob at his admission and Simon hastened to add, “But she’s still going to be our little girl and we still love her, and that’s all matters.”

Kaylee nodded once and then wrapped her arms around him, holding tight. “I just want ‘er to come home,” she murmured, her face pressed into the crook of his neck.

Holding her back, Simon whispered into her hair, “That’s what we all want, bao bei. That’s what we all want.”

***

As soon as River awoke, she demanded to see her niece, making it none too pleasant for anyone around her until her request was met. With a sheepish shrug, Jayne could only watch as the nurses helped River into a wheelchair and then he rolled her down the hall to the opposite wing and to Rylee’s room.

Once they had rounded the corner, River saw Rylee and smiled wide at the girl. Her niece who at one time would have come running off the bed and jumped in her lap, was more subdued and simply smiled at her, saying, “Hiya Aun’ River.”

“Hi baby,” she murmured to her as Jayne took her closer. Once she was near enough, River looked to Alicia who was already there, recognizing her from so many years ago and then looked back to her niece. “Can I have a hug?”

Nodding once, Rylee reached out her arms and hugged River tightly around the neck, sighing as her aunt held her back. River could feel the little girl’s relief at having her there, but also the jumbled confusion of her mind as it struggled to reorder itself after all she’d been through.

When the girl finally drew away, she sat back on her knees and said, “Me and Ally are drawing. You wanna draw?”

Smiling at her and blinking back tears, River told her, “Maybe in a bit.” Looking again to Alicia, she saw that the woman had not shifted her eyes from her and River asked Rylee, “Can I talk to Ally for a minute?”

Shrugging, Rylee looked back to her drawing and told her, “Sure, she’s real nice.”

Smiling to her, River motioned Alicia to take them outside, leaving Jayne to sit with Rylee. Once both women were out the door and a couple of feet down the hall, River wheeled herself around to face her and was surprised when Alicia actually spoke first. “You’re her.”

Looking to her with confusion, River waited for the woman to explain. “You’re River, Simon’s sister.”

Nodding once, River answered quietly, “Yes, I am.”

“You took him away.” It was a quiet statement, maybe even just a statement of fact, but River could hear and feel the slight pain in the girl’s voice and she winced involuntarily.

“I’m sorry for how I behaved all those years ago,” she told her truthfully. “It was a very hard time for a lot of people I cared about. I could only focus on getting Simon back.”

Alicia stared at her for minute more and then shook her head slightly as if to clear it. Turning from River for a moment, when her eyes again met the other girl’s they were clear and professional and River breathed a silent sigh of relief. “How is she?” she asked quietly, glancing over Alicia’s shoulder to the room they had just left.

Sighing heavily, Alicia told her, “Look, I told Simon and I’ll tell you, she’s been through a lot and it’s going to take some time.”

River swallowed hard at the mention of her brother, her eyes glazing over with a few tears as she remembered their awful parting. She had yet to speak with him and she wasn’t even sure he would take her call. “Do you think she’ll recover?”

Sitting in a seat that lined the hallway, Alicia placed her hands on the arm of River’s chair and told her, “That’s a very hard diagnosis to make. Recovery can be very subjective.” Allowing her gaze to wander for a moment, she said, “Do I think she can live a normal and happy life? Yes. Do I think she’s going to revert back to the girl she was a few weeks ago? No.”

River nodded at this assessment, having guessed that was about all she could hope for. Looking to Alicia with a focused gaze, she told her, “I can help her. Please let me help her. I need to.”

Nodding once, Alicia leaned back a bit and regarded River for a moment. The young woman wanted to help her niece that much was plain, but she was also damaged herself, not just physically, but emotionally as well – Alicia could see it. The way she’d tensed at the sound of Simon’s name immediately caused the psychiatrist pause, as the last time she had checked the two siblings had been thicker than thieves.

Dismissing her thoughts in a moment, Alicia answered her. “Yes, I have no doubt you can. Rylee’s already made the connection about how alike the two of you are. I think she feels that you can understand what she’s going through better than anyone.”

With her gaze still hard and determined, she started to head back to Rylee’s side. “I can,” she affirmed.

Alicia rose to follow her and only stopped her when they were again a few steps from Rylee’s door, by placing a hand on the back of the wheelchair. Circling around to face her, she met River’s quizzical look and told her softly, “I’m grateful that you want to help her and I truly think you can, but you’re going to have to follow my lead.”

River held her gaze for a moment and thought about fighting her on it, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. The truth was that while River might have all the practical experience in the world when it came to what Rylee was suffering through, her own recovery had been spotty at best. To assume now, after so many years of marginal sanity, that she could swoop in and save the day was a little grandiose, even by River’s standards. And if she did anything to jeopardize Rylee’s recovery, Simon would never forgive her; as it was, she currently feared he would never forgive her.

Nodding once, River told her, “Of course.”

Smiling to her, Alicia covered one of her hands with her own and told her, “You know, River, I really do want to help. I hope you can trust me.” And with that, she turned and reentered the room.

Wondering if the woman might not be part reader herself, River followed.

***

Inara walked out from the clinic, after having visited again with Ethan and Emma for the afternoon, feeling light and happy for the first time in months. She and Kaylee had managed to repair the rift between them, her little niece Rylee would be home in a matter of weeks and her daughter was healthy and happy.

Plus, she had a pretty amazing and swai husband – who currently was out on a job, but what was she going to do?

In the late afternoon sun, she crossed back over to Walt and Marie’s and headed into the kitchen to see if she could help prepare supper. When she found the normally bustling room empty, she turned to go and something caught her eye. Glancing to the folded piece of paper on the counter, Inara noticed her name scrawled across it in what could only be Mal’s handwriting.

Intrigued she picked up the note and flipped it open. “Meet me behind the Frye’s house at six,” was all the note said. Curious, Inara looked to the timepiece on the wall and noted that she had about thirty minutes to kill. Deciding to take a bath, she drew the water and bathed, redressing and heading out the front door at five to six. Her curiosity had been growing as the minutes passed as everything was very, very quiet. She had known that Mimi was with Daniel and Ellie, which was not an uncommon occurrence as of late, but knowing that Mal was out on a job, or at least that’s what he’d told her, made Inara wonder just how exactly he was going to meet her in a few minutes.

Picking a path around the side of the Frye’s house, she stumbled a bit, but kept her balance and then, turning the corner was greeted by everyone, standing amid decorated trees and arbors, a large, hand-painted ‘Happy Birthday’ banner strung behind them.

“Surprise!”

Shocked beyond belief, Inara actually felt her heart flutter for a moment, and Mal, who was standing at the front of the pack with a wide grin on his face, rushed forward as she paled a bit, wrapping a strong arm around her waist.

Nuzzling his face into her cheek, he asked her, “Surprised?”

Looking to him with a grin on her face that rivaled his own, she asked, “Are you kidding?”

“Mama!” Mimi wiggled down out of Marie’s grasp and crossed the yard to her, barreling into Inara and almost knocking her over. She was not normally so woozy, but Inara knew that were it not for Mal’s strong arm around her, she would have sunk to the ground. Noticing her distress yet again, Mal asked her quietly, “You all right?”

She smiled weakly at him even as her eyes watered a bit and said, “Yes, I’m fine, just surprised is all, I’m sure.” Reaching down to pick up Mimi, Inara knew as soon as she tried to pull the girl into her arms she was going to pass out. Turning her face to Mal – why were there suddenly two of him? – she could only whisper his name once, before falling to the ground.

***

When Inara awoke later, she was on the exam table in the clinic, Simon on one side, Mal at the other and Kaylee at the foot of her bed. While both men’s expressions were unreadable, once more glance to Kaylee and Inara could see the barely contained joy all over her face.

Reaching for her wrist and taking her pulse, Simon asked her quietly, “How are you feeling Inara?”

“Fine, I guess,” she told him truthfully. “Still a bit dizzy maybe, but …” Trailing off she looked over to Mal and frowned at him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I ruined your surprise.”

Shaking his head at her, Mal leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m just glad you’re all right.”

“Yes, I think she’s going to be fine.” Simon shared a knowing look with Mal over Inara’s head and then moved to his wife’s side, taking one of his babies from her as she had been juggling both. “We’ll leave you two alone for a bit.”

Smiling his thanks to them, Mal watched the two of them go and once they had disappeared turned back to his wife. Not at all liking how any of this was playing out, Inara asked him quickly, “Mal, what is it? Tell me.”

When he refused to answer her, she brought a hand to her head and muttered, “Oh, god, I’m going to die, aren’t I?”

“What?” he asked her incredulously, wondering how in the name of all the planets she’d jumped to that conclusion.

Teasing him, Inara turned her face back to him and smiled wide. “Gotcha.”

His eyes and mouth dropping open in shock, he looked down at her and breathed, “You knew!”

“That I would faint?” she asked him, offering her hand to him so he could help her sit up. As he pulled on it and she swung her legs off the table, she told him, “I had no idea.” Grinning to him again, she added, “That I was pregnant? Yes, I knew.”

Stepping closer to her, Mal cupped the back of her head in his hand and kissed her hard. When their lips parted, he cradled her face in his hands and asked, “How long?”

“About two months now,” she told him, watching his eyes for any hint that he was truly upset. “You’re not mad, are you?”

Shaking his head, he told her honestly, “No, ‘Nara, I ain’t mad, I just – why didn’t you tell me?”

A few tears ghosting over her eyes, she said quietly, “I wanted to give the baby time. I didn’t want …”

“You were scared,” Mal finished for her, rubbing his thumbs along her cheeks.

Nodding once, she told him, “Yes, I was, I still am, I guess, but I can’t keep it from you now.”

Kissing her again, he told her softly, “Nothin’s gonna happen, ‘Nara, not like last time.”

Smiling at him, she said, “It’s sweet, Mal for you to say that, but you can’t know that for sure. And if we want another child then the risk of something happening is one we’re going to have to take.”

He nodded once knowing she was right and then murmured, “So ‘nother munchkin, huh?” She nodded to him and slid an arm around his waist as he helped her off the table.

Reaching for the door, Inara stopped him, placing a hand over his. When he again turned to meet her gaze, he saw that a few more tears had filled her beautiful eyes. “Thank you, for my party. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

Kissing her lightly once more, Mal said, “Well, then we’d better get back and enjoy it now, shouldn’t we?”

***

River and Jayne were sitting, talking quietly when Alicia stopped by River’s room during the second full week of Rylee’s treatment. Knocking lightly on the door, she got their attention and River actually smiled at the girl a stark contrast to their first tense days when they’d both begun to help her niece.

“You can come in,” the young woman told her, and Jayne immediately pulled a chair forward by River’s bed for her.

Smiling her thanks to him, she turned to regard River and asked, “How’re you feeling?”

“Much better, thank you,” River told her, knowing that wasn’t why Alicia was here, but waiting for the other woman to admit her true motive.

As River let the silence fall between them, Alicia realized that she would need to come clean and start the conversation if she had any hope of getting some answers. “Do you have some time to talk with me?”

“About what?” River asked nervously, already knowing, but hoping she could feign ignorance and make the woman go away.

Smiling at her knowingly, Alicia answered, “You.”

Her eyes widening just a bit at the prospect of having a trained psychiatrist spend time trying to deconstruct her psyche, River quickly shook her head and said, “No, not right now. Thanks though.”

Moving around to the other side of her bed, Jayne sat next to her and gave her a frown. “C’mon, River, what else you gotta do?”

Turning imploring eyes to him, he could tell that she didn’t want to do this, but Jayne was going to try some tough love with her and hope it might actually work. Taking one of her hands in his, he squeezed it gently and said, “Please, River, just talk with her for a bit.”

Giving him a look that could have bored through metal, she turned back to Alicia and asked her, “What do you want to talk about?”

Noting the tension between husband and wife, Alicia tried to ignore it and instead focused all of her attention on River, her patient. “Let’s start with your brother, Simon.”

“He’s married, you know, you can’t have him.”

“River!” Jayne’s exclamation instantly brought shameful flames to River’s cheeks. She had said it automatically as a defense mechanism, a way to turn Alicia off so that the woman would leave her in peace. And even though it wasn’t right, she wasn’t going to apologize.

But Alicia didn’t need her to. “Thanks for that clarification, River, but I’ve got all the husband I can handle,” she told her dryly, watching as the young woman’s eyes continued to study her lap. “I wanted to talk about your relationship with Simon.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” River’s voice was small and quiet and Alicia had to listen close to make it out. Still not looking to her, River added, “We did not part well. He was very angry with me.”

“Why?” Alicia darted her eyes from River to Jayne, noting the way the big man looked at her so adoringly. It was one of the sweetest things Alicia had ever seen and she quickly refocused her attention to River, not wanting to miss a critical reaction – and with a reader, that was easy to do.

“He blames me,” River said, sighing heavily. She really didn’t want to talk about this, so why she felt compelled to answer any of Alicia’s questions completely baffled her.

Finally bringing her eyes up to meet the other woman’s she sighed heavily and said, “Are we done now?”

Smiling slightly as she realized how much like her niece the woman sounded, Alicia reached out and placed a light hand over River’s and not answering her question said, “I think you’ll feel better if we talk some more.”

Looking back to Jayne with wide eyes, he would not budge from his earlier stance that this was probably a good idea. Turning her attention to him, Alicia asked quietly, “Jayne, would you mind leaving us alone for a bit?”

His eyes quickly studied River’s face, seeking her consent that it was okay to go. Leaning forward a bit, she kissed him lightly and with that dismissal, he rose and slowly left the room. River’s eyes followed him out and she stared in the direction he’d gone for a few minutes. Reading her with all of her abilities, Alicia said quietly, “He’s a good man and he loves you very much.”

Nodding once, River’s eyes again fell to her lap and she murmured, “Yes, he does. Although Simon would be hard pressed to agree with you on the ‘good’ part.”

Smiling slightly at the thought of the Simon she knew trying to socialize with the big brute, Alicia commented, “Yes, I can imagine Jayne is not at all the type of man he would have picked out for you.”

Turning impossibly round eyes to the girl, River said simply, “We can’t choose who we love.”

Shaking her head slightly, Alicia agreed, “No, we can’t.”

They sat in an amiable silence for a few minutes and it was finally River who couldn’t take it. “What did you want do know about Simon?”

Shrugging lightly, Alicia asked, “Well, what does he blame you for?”

Rolling her eyes at the girl, River responded automatically, “What doesn’t he blame me for?” No, River thought to herself, that wasn’t fair. Taking a deep breath to try and clear her head, she let it out slowly and then gave the woman a fair answer. “He blames me for Rylee’s kidnapping.”

Furrowing her brow, Alicia asked, “Why? How? How could that have been your fault?”

Sighing heavily, River tilted her head back and willed the tears that had quickly formed in her eyes not to fall. “It’s a really long story,” she said quietly, trying to keep her voice steady. “But let’s just say I did some snooping around and got the attention of some people who see nothing wrong with kidnapping a four-year-old if it’ll get them what they want.”

Alicia digested this, noting the rising tension and bitterness in River’s tone. Keeping her eyes locked on the girl, she asked her, “Was Simon right to blame you?”

With another sigh, River turned her head to the girl and a few of her tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. “I guess,” she said sadly.

“Well, that doesn’t sound at all convincing,” Alicia told her. “I would think that had you been responsible for your niece’s kidnapping, you would know.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen.” River’s voice was quickly thickening with tears, but she kept talking, finding that now that she had someone to talk to, it was much easier to voice her fears and her guilt. “I didn’t know that he would come looking for us, that he would take Rylee, that he was capable of …” River trailed off as her tears got the best of her and she cried a bit, swallowing hard to get her voice back.

“If you didn’t want it to happen, then how can Simon blame you?” Alicia was looking for the missing piece to this puzzle. The girl was right, it didn’t make any sense, based on what she knew of the situation for Simon to place the responsibility for Rylee’s abduction squarely on his sister’s shoulders.

Turning again to look at her, the sorrow that clouded River’s features made Alicia’s throat contrict with her own sadness. “Because Simon asked me not to and I didn’t listen to him. He begged me not to put his family in danger. And I did it anyway. After all he’s done for me, given up for me, I selfishly put everyone he loves in danger.”

A few things became clear to Alicia in those moments River tried to again collect herself. She had known Simon once upon a time, and while she was fairly certain that the man she remembered had changed, she also knew that parts of him still remained. And one thing Alicia remembered with startling clarity was Simon’s desire to be right – it was the trait of a good surgeon for in the operating room if the surgeon hesitated the patient could die and so they always worked with assuredness and speed, making split second decisions and suffering the consequence – although, more often than not the decision they’d made was the right one, and they didn’t need to worry about the backlash.

But for Simon, a man who had been raised by a father and mother incapable of listening to him, he had taken this trait one step further and equated any dissension with disloyalty. So River had committed a cardinal sin in his ethical code – she had disobeyed him and she had disagreed with him. The fact that Rylee had been taken was just a particularly awful coincidence in this whole chain of events. She could understand why Simon was so upset, based on what River had said, but she also knew, from watching River with the little girl, that she would never do anything to place her in harm’s way.

Plucking the thought from her head, River told her urgently, “But I did. Simon was right. I shouldn’t have gone looking, it was too dangerous.”

“River that may be true, but in essence, the only person you knowingly put in danger was yourself.” Alicia tried to reason with the girl, hoping she could help to ease the guilt she felt.

“If I had listened, this wouldn’t have happened,” River said sullenly, still not convinced.

“So what? You’re not allowed to live your own life? Make your own mistakes?” Alicia was trying to get her to see the ridiculousness of that statement. “I’m not saying that your brother hasn’t made incredible sacrifices for you and I’m not saying that maybe you shouldn’t have reconsidered before snooping around, as you said.” Alicia paused for a moment and River brought her eyes back to her, still full of tears. “But River, you’re an adult and your brother needs to realize that things will happen, bad things, to you, to him, to his family, but good things will happen too.” Pausing again, Alicia squeezed the girl’s hand and told her with a slight smile, “And if Simon is going to hold you solely responsible for all the bad things that have happened in his life, than I certainly hope he’s giving you credit for all the good ones as well.”

River actually smiled slightly at that remark, and then Alicia watched as the tears she had desperately tried to withhold fell steadily down her face. Looking towards the woman, she cried and said, “He has to forgive me, Alicia, I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him.”

Running a hand through the girl’s hair, Alicia hoped that she really was as good at her job as she had professed to Simon – because something told her that getting his forgiveness for his sister would require a miracle.

***