A/N: I wouldn't say there's a lot of fluff in this chapter either, although not quite the heart-wrenching angst of previous ones either. Remember, we've got 33 chapters in this little saga - so there are still miles to go before we sleep.

Thanks to Leiasky for the great beta - and please keep those comments coming - you know how much I crave feedback!

***

A NEW DAY, ch. 20: Burnt Bridges

***

In the early morning light, Danny watched his sister from across the table as she dug into her cereal with a vengeance. She had been home now for about a week and as he continued to stare at her, he had the vaguest sense that they had been here before, in this exact same spot, doing this exact same thing.

Raising her eyes to him, she said around a mouthful of food, “We did. About three months ago, ‘member?”

Startled at her interjection, Daniel blinked quickly and frowning at her, whined, “Hey! I thought we agreed? No reading my mind.”

Grinning sheepishly at him, Rylee again dropped her eyes to her bowl and said quietly, “Oh yeah, oops, sorry.”

Having no choice but to laugh at her unapologetic apology, the two siblings were giggling furiously by the time their mother and father appeared, carrying one baby each. Looking up to them with happy eyes, Daniel said brightly, “Morning!”

Sharing a parental grin, Kaylee and Simon both moved towards the table, greeting each of their oldest children with kisses and “Good mornings,” before moving to feed the twins. While Kaylee would have preferred to breast feed, the stress surrounding the babies’ first few weeks had made that nearly impossible, so as Simon moved to heat their formula, Kaylee sat down at the table, balancing both of the tiny bundles and looked to Rylee.

“Do you wanna hold one of ‘em, baby?” Kaylee asked her, eyes shining with hope that maybe today Rylee would show some affection towards her new siblings.

With a grimace and a wrinkled nose, Rylee shook her head and said quietly, “No. They smell.”

Leaning down and sniffing, Kaylee knew she had just changed their diapers and looked back to her daughter quizzically. “No they don’t, Ry. C’mon, why don’t you hold Emma? She never fusses.”

With a hard gleam in her eyes, Rylee turned back to her mother, placing her spoon down resolutely beside her bowl and said again, “No.”

Hurt evident in her eyes, Kaylee held the little girl’s gaze for a moment and then looked to Simon as he approached and took Ethan from her. “That’s fine, Ry,” he said easily, trying to mask his own discomfort at Rylee’s reaction to the twins. “You don’t have to. They are kind of cumbersome.”

“Yeah,” Kaylee said quickly, trying to swallow back a few tears. Reaching for the bottle Simon had brought her she shifted Emma in her arms so she could begin to feed her. “You can hold ‘em when you’re ready.”

“Well, I’m not ever gonna be ready, so stop asking!” Rylee’s voice was loud and sharp and the ferocity of her words startled all of them. Without another word, she jumped down off her chair and ran out the door of the house.

Looking urgently to one another, Simon and Kaylee were frozen with indecision. Noting their panicked look, Daniel hopped down off his own chair. “I’ll get her,” he told them both, hurrying out the door.

“I want you to come right back,” Simon told him, getting a nod from the boy as he pushed open the screen door and walked out into the early morning.

Looking around the backyard, he squinted a bit in the bright light and caught a glimpse of his sister. She hadn’t gone very far, retreating to the same tree she had climbed and fallen out of the day of her party. Moving over towards it slowly, he was at the base of it when she said sullenly, “Go away, Danny.”

Sighing too heavily for a five-year-old, Daniel did not heed her words, but instead leaned his back against the tree she was perched in. “I’ll think I’ll stay right here.”

“You can be such a brat,” Rylee muttered, using his favorite word for her.

Looking up to her, he smiled a knowing grin and told her easily, “Yeah, well I learned from you.”

Trying to ignore his smile, Rylee shifted her position on the tree branch and lied down upon it, gazing out at her grandparents’ backyard as the sun rose in the sky. Things had been okay since she’d been back, but not great and it was starting to grate on her. She had tried really hard those first few days to like her baby brother and sister, but she just couldn’t – she couldn’t stop blaming them for causing her mom to be sick. Maybe if her mom and dad hadn’t been at the clinic that night than she never would have had that dream and she never would have run out into the dark and she never would have been taken … but maybe not.

Sighing heavily, she had no idea how long she was up there, but the sound of rustling pulled her from her musings and she sat up to watch her brother climb up the branches and sit across from her. Her eyes widening a bit as he never climbed trees, preferring instead to read, Daniel noticed her shock and shrugged. “I’ve been practicing.”

She smiled lightly at him and they again found themselves in a companionable silence. Finally, as Daniel’s eyes continued to study his sister, trying vainly to determine how much she had really changed, he glanced to her arm, where a few bruises were just starting to fade and asked quietly, “Does it hurt?”

Following his gaze, she shook her head. Nodding once at her answer, Daniel kept his eyes on her, noting the way she was averting his gaze. His curiosity overriding his better judgment, he asked her nervously, “Did it?”

Rylee’s wide brown eyes shot up to his face, instantly welling with tears. As brother and sister sat there in silence, their eyes locked on one another, one trying so hard to understand while the other was trying so hard to be accepted, nothing passed between them for quite a while.

Finally, it was Rylee who spoke, her voice small and full of tears. Dropping her eyes back to the bruises on her arms, she closed them against the drops that were determined to fall and told him, “Yeah, Danny, it did.”

***

The conversation around the table was a low, soothing din and Kaylee took a moment to close her eyes against it, letting the sound of her father’s and Mal’s deep voices and the lilting tone of Inara’s laugh and Zoe’s chuckle seep into her ears, her skin, her soul. She wanted to remember this, moments like this, because she knew they were rare and precious. And after everything her family had been through, she knew it now with even more certainty.

The touch of a light hand to her arm caused her to blink her eyes open and she turned in the direction of the feeling, meeting Simon’s loving and concerned gaze. Smiling at him, Kaylee leaned forward and kissed him lightly, letting him know everything was all right – letting him know that she hadn’t changed her mind.

With a small smile and another squeeze to her shoulder, Simon stood, regarding the room full of family and friends. The children had bolted after dinner and were playing outside in the evening light, while Emma and Ethan both were down for night upstairs. Things were peaceful for the first time in a long while and Simon was grateful.

As his eyes swept the table, he knew that things were not right though; River was not there. At his request, of course, as he had made it perfectly clear to her that she was not at all forgiven for what had transpired with Rylee. So far, in the few weeks that they had been back, she had obeyed his wishes and stayed away and even though it was beginning to pain Simon, he would never admit it. Jayne was, of course, absent as well, his solidarity to his wife and no one else, and Simon was secretly glad to know that River was not alone – even if it meant she was with the ape-man.

All eyes had by now turned in his direction and Simon felt his cheeks flush a bit at the attention. “You got somethin’ to say, son?” Walt asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding him with twinkling eyes.

Clearing his throat, Simon said, “Yes, actually I do.” Looking to Kaylee, whose big green eyes were firmly rooted to his face, he added, “Actually, Kaylee and I do.”

This statement raised a few questioning eyebrows and Simon hastened to add, “No, she’s not pregnant.” The clarification released chuckles all around and Simon felt the slight tension that had been crawling up his spine ease a bit at the sound.

Reaching up to tug on his hand, Kaylee pulled his ear to her mouth and whispered, “Not from lack of tryin’ though.”

Smiling at her, Simon kissed her lightly, holding her warm gaze for a moment more, before again turning to address the room. “Kaylee and I, well, we’ve made a decision, a very important decision and as you’re all our family, we wanted you to be the first to know.”

Kaylee did her best to keep her eyes focused on her husband. They were painfully trying to sweep the room and find Inara’s soft gaze or Mal’s skeptical one, but Kaylee knew that if she gave in and looked to her friends, she would feel awful for the choice they had made.

“After all that’s happened,” Simon was saying, his voice lowering a bit as sadness again affected his tone. “Well, Kaylee and I feel that it’s very important to give the children, and ourselves, a stable home; a place where they can feel safe and protected. So, we’ve decided to settle, on Aberdeen.”

There was no sound in the room for several moments. Simon allowed his eyes to drift towards his in-laws, his heart going out to Winnie as she blinked back fresh tears. Simon and Kaylee had both felt that it was only right to tell her parents first, and while Thom and Winnie had not at all delighted in the prospect of their daughter, son-in-law and grandbabies moving away, neither of them could begrudge the parents their yearning for stability.

Leaning forward and resting his arms on the table, Mal brought his hands up to his mouth and stared at Simon and Kaylee both. He saw how Kaylee kept avoiding his gaze and he didn’t like it. As the doc sank back into his chair, Mal finally cleared his throat and asked, “Lil’ Kaylee, this is what you want?”

Glancing to Mal, Kaylee blinked back her own tears, even as her hand reached for and curled around Simon’s under the table. “Yeah, Cap’n it’s what I want. And more importantly, it’s what my family needs.”

Mal supposed he couldn’t rightly disagree with that statement, but he was still sad, sadder than he had been for a long while and giving his wife a sidelong glance he could read her sadness as well. Leaning over towards her, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and placed a kiss into her temple, getting a slight smile from her.

“Look, we know this is probably a bit of a shock,” Kaylee said, leaning forward and looking to them all. “And it ain’t that we haven’t been happy here with all o’ you, but …” Kaylee’s voice trailed off as she again allowed her eyes to rove over Simon’s concerned face. “But this is somethin’ we gotta do an’ somethin’ me an’ Simon been thinkin’ ‘bout for a while now. We just needed to wait until the babies was born to really make a decision.”

The entire room was silent, making the young couple decidedly nervous. Finally allowing her eyes to wander down to them, Zoe asked quietly, “When you fixin’ to leave?”

Swallowing, Simon said, “About a week. The trip itself will take a good week. We’ve already contacted some people there and found a house. Everything should be all set by the time we arrive.” Allowing his gaze to drift down the table to Millie, he added, “And we owe Millie a great deal for all the help she gave us.”

Shrugging lightly, the humble woman simply told them, “Ah, weren’t nothin’. I just know some folk out that way and they needed a doc. Seemed like a perfect fit.” She smiled warmly again to them both and it was an expression Simon and Kaylee both returned. It had taken quite a bit of the burden off the young parents to know there was someplace they could settle that had the endorsement of one of their closest friends – they trusted Millie and knowing they had a safe haven to go to had made the leap that much more bearable.

Walt and Marie regarded Millie after this statement and slowly, small side conversations erupted around the table. Kaylee sat close to her husband, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. As her eyes traveled over their friends, she finally caught Inara and Mal, her best friend having turned her face into her husband’s shoulder.

Her heart welling with sadness, Kaylee rose, giving Simon a sad smile, and moved around the table to kneel between Mal and Inara’s chairs. Her captain smiled at her although she could read the pain in his eyes plainly. Returning the small grin, she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Inara’s shoulder, calling “’Nara?”

Startled, the older woman jumped a bit before turning to Kaylee. “Yes mei mei?” she asked, her voice raw with emotion.

“I’m sorry, ‘Nara,” Kaylee said simply, reaching out and hugging her friend tightly.

Returning her embrace, Inara whispered against her cheek, “Don’t be sorry, Kaylee. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you, but I know it’s for the best. I just want you and your family to be happy and safe.”

“That’s what I want too,” Kaylee whispered back.

Mal watched the two women for a moment more before reaching out and embracing them both in a strong hug. Simon, watching the scene from his seat at the end of the table was able to catch the captain’s blue eyes and nodded slightly to him, trying to determine if he might need to sleep with one eye open until they were off of Harvest. But with a nod of reassurance, Simon let out a pent-up sigh, knowing that while the older man may not have been happy about their choice, he knew it was theirs to make.

“How’re the kids takin’ it?”

Zoe’s low voice startled him a bit, and Simon quickly shifted his gaze to her. Sighing, he said, “Not that well, although at this point they’re still really happy to be together again.” Leaning towards her, he confided, “Kaylee and I are trying to sell it like an adventure – so far, it’s been working.”

Smiling knowingly at the importance of packaging tough decisions for little ones, Zoe returned his gaze for a moment and then asked, “And River?”

Simon’s eyes flashed with what was now patented anger at his sister and his gaze hardened instantly. “I don’t know. Her state-of-being isn’t really my concern right now.”

Zoe nodded sitting back in her seat a bit and studying him intently for a moment. Finally, she let her gaze drop to his hand that was clenched into a fist on the table and asked, “If that’s so, why’re your knuckles turnin’ white?”

Glancing to his hand quickly, Simon flexed it and then drew it under the table. Looking back to his old crewmate with a slightly softer expression, he told her quietly, “It’s not been the best couple of weeks for us. I honestly don’t know if we’ll ever regain the closeness we had.” Allowing his eyes to drift to Kaylee who as still chatting quietly with their friends and then up the staircase to his side where he knew his twins were sleeping, he added, “And she’s not my concern anymore. I have a wife and four children who are – they have to come first.”

Zoe studied Simon’s profile as his eyes drifted back to the scene before them. She could see the set of his jaw, the way his eyes flashed a bit with the conviction of his statement, but Zoe was pretty sure she could see something else as well – regret. She had never pretended to be an expert on the doc, but Zoe was a master at suppressing emotions, something that Simon could still do, despite Kaylee’s all-encompassing demeanor. And so, it was with a critical and knowing eye that Zoe watched the younger man now.

Reaching out and placing a light hand over his, she said quietly, “Just make sure you think about what you’re doing, Simon. What you’re losing and what you’re gaining before you leave next week.”

Simon was ready to tell her to butt out of it and mind her own business, but when he met Zoe’s wide eyes, he knew he couldn’t. She was only trying to help, in her subtle, understated way and Simon was grateful. Grateful that unlike just about everyone else, she wasn’t trying to convince him he had to forgive River, but rather trying to convince him to really look at and understand the choice he was making.

Nodding to her once, Simon allowed a small smile of thanks to turn up the corners of his mouth. “I will, Zoe. Thank you.”

With that, the Amazon woman leaned back in her seat, regarding the scene around them and joining in the conversation that was full of excitement at the prospect of Simon and Kaylee starting over.

***

“Little soul, big world.”

River stared down adoringly at her tiny niece’s sleeping form, her eyes sweeping over the little one’s face as she slept. Still overly small for her three months, Emma’s features were so little, but conveyed so much. In sleep, she was peaceful and passive, content, dozing in a world with no dreams, no nightmares, no worries, no concerns. And then, River knew, awake she would scrunch up her nose and contort her cheeks, crying when she needed food, smiling when she was happy, sighing when she was content. It was so blissfully easy to be a baby.

River’s eyes flitted over to Ethan as well. As the twins were still so small and Simon had been reading every book on the subject in the known ‘verse, the babies were sharing the same crib, sleeping side by side as they had when they had been growing inside their mother. The looks of pure content as they slept soundly for many more hours at a time than most newborns indicated that maybe some of the texts had been right.

Leaning down slowly, River kissed one forehead and then the other, her long dark hair tickling over their faces as she again stood back to regard them. It was in this state that Jayne found her. Simon, Kaylee and all their friends were just downstairs, hosting a big family dinner, which he and his wife had not been invited to. Jayne had wanted River to stick close, knowing that Simon’s coldness was causing her distress. But, per usual, she had wandered and he had searched. Finding her here with her niece and nephew did not surprise him, but it did concern him for he knew how incredibly irate Simon would be should he decide to come and check on his children, and catch his sister with them.

“Won’t find me, busy with his life.” River’s little voice brought Jayne’s thoughts to the present and with a bit of a sigh, he moved to her side, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Leaning her head against him, she murmured, “They’re so beautiful, Jayne.”

“Yeah, baby, I guess they are,” he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. “You know you shouldn’t be here.”

Shrugging lightly, River did not disagree with his statement, but simply continued to stare. Finally, after a few moments had passed, she said, “I want to keep looking, Jayne.”

Sighing heavily, Jayne moved away from her and sat in the rocking chair Kaylee had situated next to the crib. Hoping his first guess at her meaning might be wrong, he asked quietly, “Lookin’ for what?”

As soon as she turned that annoyed gaze to him though, he knew he’d guessed right. Shaking his head slowly, he muttered, “Ai ya, River, if you ain’t as stubborn as a constipated mule.”

Moving to kneel in front of him, she told him urgently, “I just want to have a baby, your baby.”

“I know that, darlin’, but it ain’t worth the risk of you gettin’ hurt again.” Jayne did not, could not fathom why she was so intent on this. He knew it was important to her to be a mother, he knew that every time he watched her with Cadie, but why she was so willing to put her own health at risk was something he could not wrap his head around.

“Because I’m tired, Jayne.” This statement startled him, and when he again met River’s intense gaze he saw that her beautiful brown eyes had filled with tears.

Reaching out a hand to cup her cheek, he asked her gently, “Tired o’ what, baby?”

With a sigh, River dropped her eyes to the hand she had wrapped around the arm of his chair, digging her thumbnail into the soft wood and admitted, “Tired of living a partial life, tired of being ‘the crazy one,’ the girl who everyone feels sorry for or gets mad at. The girl who everyone knows will never be normal.” Raising her eyes back to his face, a few of her tears had broken free and left silvery trails down her cheeks. “I’m just tired of that life, Jayne. It isn’t a life.”

Swallowing hard past the lump in his throat, Jayne tried not to take offense at her words, however, his manly pride could not be so readily called into question. Cupping her face in his hands, he asked intently, “Our life ain’t enough? That’s what you’re tired of?”

Shaking her head sadly, River felt her heart beating heavily in her chest as she tried to explain. Her breathing belabored as she realized she might very well have ruined the one good thing in her life by her words, her chest started to heave as she told him quickly, “No, Jayne, no. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry …” She had to stop as she quickly could not catch her breath.

Reaching out to her, Jayne pulled her small form onto his lap and rocked with her, trying to calm her. With one arm wrapped around her waist and the other hand running slowly through her soft hair, River quickly felt her heart beat return to normal and her breathing regulate. Keeping her head against his chest, she murmured, “That’s not what I meant, Jayne. I’m sorry.”

Kissing her forehead, he told her softly, “I know, I shouldn’ta let my ego run away with me neither.” Sitting in silence for another minute, he finally asked, “So what did you mean?”

With another sigh, River thought long and hard before she spoke again. “I guess that I’ve realized, pretty recently, I’m never going to get better.” She felt Jayne tense at these words and hurried to appease him. “I mean, what happened to me, all those years ago, it’s never going to go away. It will always be with me, in some form or another.” Turning her head up to meet his gaze, she said softly, “I’ve been trying to outrun it for so long, because I thought I could. I thought if I escaped it, if I ran far enough and long enough, I’d be rid of it, but that’s never going to happen. And pretending that it will, pretending that there will come a day when I’ll be perfectly normal – that’s what’s tiring.”

Again dropping her eyes to her hands in her lap, she said, “And that’s what everyone else has been expecting too, that moment when my world will snap back into focus and I’ll be whole. But it’s a moment that will never come and by trying to deny my own needs, my own wants, I’m just perpetuating it. I’m letting them win.”

With a new fire of determination in her gaze, River turned her eyes back to Jayne and leaned out from him a bit. Taking his face in her hands, she said quietly, “And they don’t deserve to win, Jayne. They don’t.”

Holding her steady gaze for a moment more, Jayne brought his head close to hers and whispered, “You ain’t gonna get an argument from me on that, baby girl.” And then he moved those last few inches and placed his mouth over hers, kissing her with a passion that they had been missing in the past couple of months.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, River’s desire for her husband burned brightly within her. But her grief and her uncertainty, as well as the belly wound she had suffered, stayed her passion. As if she needed a reminder, River did wince a bit as Jayne leaned forward and brushed his hard stomach against her still sore abdomen.

Pulling back from her instantly, his eyes flooded with concern. “Did I hurt ya?”

Shaking her head, River held a light hand over her bandaged mid-section and told him, “No, it’s fine. It just still isn’t healed.” Throwing him a coy gaze, she murmured, “Well, for some things.”

He grinned at her, but only kissed her lightly before drawing her back against his chest. Sitting in the quiet for a moment more, it was Jayne who brought up the subject again. “So, where exactly you thinkin’ o’ lookin’?”

Taking a deep breath, River told him, “The Core.”

Muttering a strong curse under his breath, Jayne told her, “After all we been through you sure you wanna do this again?”

River knew what he really meant, even as Jayne avoided putting his true concerns into words. Shrugging lightly, she told him, “He doesn’t want to see me. He’s moving everyone away so that they can pretend I don’t exist.” The hurt in her voice as she spoke of Simon’s intent to drive her from their lives made Jayne’s own throat constrict. “If we go into the Core and they fly away, no one will ever be able to connect us back together.” Looking to him with wide eyes, she murmured, “They’ll be safe.”

Sighing heavily, Jayne had to admit that his wife was one hell of a determined woman. And he knew that despite his reservations, despite his concern and despite his very real fear that they could die, he would move every planet in the ‘verse to get her whatever she wanted.

Kissing her on the forehead once more, Jayne allowed his head to fall back against the top of the chair as he murmured, “We’re gonna need one helluva plan.”

***

Jayne didn’t want to talk with Simon, not a bit. But as the past few weeks had dragged by and the younger man had continued to shun his sister, Jayne had been finding it more and more difficult to hold his tongue. And this morning, as River had again pretended not to cry when she’d seen her niece and nephew playing from a distance, Jayne had finally had enough.

Striding through the door of the clinic with no knock, he caught Simon and Kaylee kissing, which wasn’t all that strange. Judging by the amount of mess scattered around the room, he guessed that they had been in the midst of straightening something, and, as usual, gotten distracted.

Breaking their embrace at his entrance, the couple turned wide eyes to him, a bit embarrassed at having been caught. But then, remembering that he still wasn’t speaking to the mercenary, Simon turned away from the big brute, his gaze narrowing, while Kaylee simply offered Jayne a slight smile and murmured, “Hey Jayne,” before moving back to her work.

He nodded once in her direction and then focused all of his attention back to Simon. He was fairly certain that his gaze was intent enough to make the man’s head explode, but as the minutes ticked by and that didn’t happen, Jayne finally decided he would have to speak.

“You gotta stop this.”

Simon’s body tensed at his words, but for only an instant before he resumed his busywork. “It’s none of your business, Jayne.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Jayne ground out, “Yeah, it is, ‘cause she’s my wife.”

Turning to him slowly, Simon mimicked his posture and leaned against the counter at his back. As both men continued to stare, Kaylee paused in her task, her body tense, her eyes darting from her husband to Jayne and back again.

“I haven’t forgotten,” Simon told him, his tone still maddeningly calm.

“Well, you seem to have forgotten a bunch o’ other things, so I was just checkin’.” Jayne’s anger at the younger man’s stubbornness should have made him rage, but for a reason he had yet to puzzle out, he was managing to keep his cool. Trying to find the one thing that would unnerve Simon and wipe that smug look off his face, Jayne said, “Like the fact that your sister is the one who brought Rylee back, almost dyin’ in the process.”

Matching his steady tone, although Simon’s was tinged with much more anger, he bit out, “And you seem to have forgotten that it was River’s fault Rylee got taken in the first place.” Cocking his head to one side, Simon regarded him with a look of contempt and asked, “Are you sure you want to play this game with me, Jayne? Because something tells me you won’t win.”

“You stuck-up, spineless, conceited piece of gou shi,” Jayne spat out, approaching the younger man menacingly. Towering over him, he tried to ignore the small gasp that escaped Kaylee’s mouth as she watched his fists clench at his sides. Her eyes open in fear, she could only stare at the two men before her and pray.

“This ain’t no ruttin’ game, this is your sister’s life we’re talkin’ ‘bout! You’re punishin’ her by taken them kids away, by cuttin’ her out of all your lives an’ what’s worse is you don’t even care, not one tiny bit! You don’t even care that she can barely breathe whenever she feels your pain.” Jayne’s voice was full of rage, as he added, “Or yours,” turning to Kaylee. Looking back to Simon, he would have continued, if the other man’s fist had not connected with his face, taking him completely off guard.

Stumbling back and rubbing at his now throbbing jaw, Jayne’s eyes lit for a moment as he watched Simon’s chest heave with anger and then with a low growl he launched himself at the other man, his hands closing around his neck.

“Jayne! Simon!” Kaylee’s anguished cry was lost on both men, as they were undeterred and continued to grapple. Moving towards them, Kaylee tried to pry them apart, but had to quickly step back as they threatened to run her over. “Stop, both of you!”

“Jayne!”

This new voice, River’s voice, reached him and while he wanted to keep beating on the young doc, he knew that should he actually inflict permanent damage, River would never forgive him. Releasing his hold on Simon’s neck, he smirked a bit as the other man’s body sagged forward, his hand instantly going to his throat and rubbing at the red marks there. Gagging for air, he did not look back to them for several moments. Kaylee rushed to his side and tried to help him, but Simon’s anger far outweighed his pain and he pushed her back with one hand. With fearful tears in her eyes, Kaylee could only stand by helplessly.

Pulling on Jayne’s elbow, River pushed him halfway across the room, and planting her fists on her hips seethed at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Talkin’,” Jayne murmured, rubbing at his jaw as it still throbbed from Simon’s hit.

“This isn’t going to help anything, Jayne.” She was still angry, her eyes burning with a fiery light and Jayne had to admit, he preferred seeing her worked up like this as opposed to sad. “You can’t change his mind.”

“But it ain’t fair, River.” Jayne’s voice had dropped to a harsh whisper and he moved towards her taking her by her shoulders. “I know it’s killin’ you and he don’t got the right.”

“I don’t have the right?” Simon’s incredulous question caused both of them to refocus their attention to him. His eyes searing them, he said hoarsely, “I have every right, Jayne, to protect my family from any threat, including my sister.”

River’s eyes clouded with tears at these words. She could feel Simon’s anger towards her and still, after so many weeks, it caused her breath to catch in her throat. Her helplessness at the entire situation was what made it worse – she knew there was nothing she could say to convince Simon she wasn’t a threat, that she was truly sorry for all that had happened; that did she have the power she would turn back time and ensure that their father never got anywhere near any of them.

But the damage was done, there were no promises, no apologies, no threats River could make. Swallowing hard past the lump in her throat, River held Simon’s hot gaze for another moment and then headed for the door. “Let’s go, Jayne.”

“You’re just gonna leave?” Kaylee’s voice was pained, full of tears she was trying desperately to hold in her eyes. Turning at her unexpected outburst, River’s gaze turned from sad to quizzical as her friend asked her, “You ain’t even gonna try an’ make this right?”

Moving towards her, River asked quietly, “How can I? Simon’s made it quite clear that he will never forgive me for this.” Looking to her brother, she saw that his eyes had dropped to the floor, most of his weight being supported by the counter behind him. Her eyes alighting back to Kaylee’s pained face, they now held a silent plea as she told the woman, “But if you know something different, please tell me. If you know what I can do so that my brother, so that you, won’t hate me anymore, please tell me.”

Kaylee swallowed thickly at her words, her eyes darting to Simon. He would not meet her gaze and she had no way of knowing if he was angry that she had opened this small door to his sister or still just as resolute in his conviction to never forgive her. But Kaylee knew, probably as well as Jayne knew River, what kind of an effect this was having on Simon, and while he had tried to pretend that his rage was more than enough to stymie his sadness at losing his mei mei, Kaylee knew that just wasn’t true.

But she also knew that the only person who could forgive River was Simon and only in his own time. Moving towards the young girl, Kaylee took her hands and told her softly, “I’m sorry, River, but it’s just gonna take time.”

“Don’t apologize to her, Kaylee.” Simon’s strained voice reached them both and Kaylee turned to regard her husband with wide eyes. “She doesn’t deserve your apology.”

Moving towards her husband, Kaylee fixed him with a look and dropped her voice to barely a whisper. “Now, you look here, Simon Tam, you wanna pretend that the ‘verse revolves ‘round you, that’s fine. You wanna pretend that your sister, who you know would never do anythin’ to harm you, purposefully put our daughter in danger, that’s fine.” Inching a few steps closer to him, she finished, “But don’t you tell me what I can an’ can’t do.”

And with that, she haughtily strode from the room, lifting her head high and shaking her hair back off her shoulders. As the door slammed shut behind her, Simon allowed a heavy sigh to escape his lips. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he silently hoped River and Jayne would just go, but he knew the chance of them just walking away was slim to none.

“I am sorry, Simon,” River’s tiny voice cut through the tension in the room. As he still would not look at her, River sighed and said quietly, “I’m sorry that all of this has spun so spectacularly out of control, sorry that you think I would ever want to hurt you or your family, sorry that you feel you have to punish me to-“

“Believe it or not, River, this isn’t about you.” Simon’s tone was harsh still and when he brought his blue eyes up to regard her face she gasped a bit at the hardness in them. “This is about protecting my family.” Allowing another few seconds of silence to fall between them, he finally added quietly, “I’m not doing this to punish you, and I wish I knew how to forgive you.” He blinked rapidly and River knew he was trying to fight tears. “But I don’t, and I can’t, not right now.”

As River opened her mouth to speak, Simon anticipated her question and said quietly, “I don’t know when, River.”

River nodded once, biting her lower lip to keep her tears in and then turned and walked from the room. Jayne followed her after glaring at Simon for another minute. Once they were both outside, River dropped her head into her hands and started to cry, Jayne wrapping his arms around her from behind to comfort her, but she would have none of it, and bolting from the porch she ran away in tears. Trying to decide whether or not to follow her, he was about to take a step after her, when a small hand to his arm stopped him.

Looking down to his side, he saw Cadie there, her gaze locked on River’s retreating form. “Mama,” she said quietly, her eyes welling with tears as she felt River’s immense pain.

Leaning down, Jayne pressed a kiss into the girl’s hair and said, “Yeah, baby, mama’s real sad.”

Turning her tear-filled eyes to him, she said, “I know.” Looking after her once more, Cadie took the first step down the porch and told him, “I can help.”

Watching her go, Jayne wondered when exactly he’d started to trust a seven-year-old. Deciding that he didn’t rightly care, especially not if she could help, he stood watching Cadie until he couldn’t see her anymore.

***

By the time Cadie reached her, River’s tears had dried and she sat, her legs crossed underneath her, below one of the weeping willows that lined the property between the three houses. Sitting down across from her, Cadie rested her elbows on her knees, allowing her chin to rest in her hands and sat in silence with the older and distraught woman.

After untold minutes, River, who had looked up once since Cadie had arrived, let out a long sigh and murmured, “Sweetie, it’s probably best if you just go back to the house and play.”

Cadie blinked at her once, but made no move to go. Everything that was raging through River’s mind was reflected in Cadie’s, but what the little girl felt most wasn’t the guilt or anger she’d expected, but immense sadness.

“He still loves you.” Her voice was soft, but she knew River had heard her as her body tensed as soon as the words were out.

Slowly bringing her eyes up to focus on the little girl, River asked breathlessly, “What?”

Inching a bit closer to her, Cadie smiled and said, “Simon. He still loves you, he just needs to be mad right now, mad at someone. He can’t be mad at his father, so he’s mad at you.” Placing a light hand to the woman’s knee, Cadie confided, “He’s more afraid than you think.”

River regarded the girl with wide eyes, doing her best to understand her insights. Since Rylee’s disappearance just about the only emotions she’d been able to read off of her brother were anger and hate, and she had quickly done her best to shut off the connection they shared, needing to be rid of his bile if she was to have any hope of getting through her days. She knew that Cadie was talented, that the girl’s abilities were growing and that she knew how to use them, but she still could not quite trust her assessment.

Reaching out and placing a light hand to the little girl’s cheek, River smiled at her sadly and said, “I appreciate that, Cadie, but I don’t think Simon’s really scared right now. He’s just very angry.”

“Scared she’ll blame him for not coming for her. Scared she won’t ever recover.” Cadie was able to voice these statements with certainty as they were the same fears she had been picking up from Rylee since her return. It seemed that father and daughter were harboring the same trepidation even as the family worked to forget the entire incident had ever happened.

Her comments struck at River’s heart in a way no others had. They were as familiar to her as breathing, because when she was first on Serenity, they had been the same statements raging through her brother’s mind as he’d tried to help her.

As River started to put the pieces together, Cadie edged even closer and looked to her with expectant eyes. River brought her gaze back to the girl’s face and whispered, “Like me?”

Nodding once, Cadie added softly, “Afraid he’s failed again.”

Blinking back fresh tears, River was certain that even though she couldn’t feel these emotions from her brother, they were there, buried under his layers of anger and pain. He’d had years of practice masking his true emotions, it wasn’t much of stretch to think he had once again been flexing those muscles.

With a sigh, Cadie knew that things would be better now. Still looking to River with adoring eyes, she told her, “I really don’t want you and dada to go.”

River smiled at her patiently, knowing the girl must have read their intention to leave as neither River nor Jayne had mentioned it to anyone yet. Opening her arms to her, Cadie gladly moved into her embrace, and River told her, “I know, baby. But I have to do this. I have to make sure I’ve tried my hardest.”

“To have a baby,” Cadie elaborated.

“Yes, to have a baby,” River repeated, pressing another kiss into her hair. They sat like that for a few minutes and then finally, Cadie pulled back and asked her, “Even if you do have your own family, can I still call you mama?”

Holding her tight, River told her firmly, “Always, because I will always consider you mine, no matter what.”

With a contented sigh, both of the gifted girls sat in silence for a long while before Jayne managed to find them.

***