A/N: Here is the "Coda" to A NEW DAY, A NEW REASON. It is a five parter that chronicles the 16 months following Jayne's death. I really hope you like it!

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta, as always.

And thanks to all the readers who stuck by me during this "A NEW" saga and let me know what you were thinking. It's hugely gratifying as a writer to have others validate your work, whether good or bad!

***

A NEW REASON, 1/5

***

14 Months After Jayne’s Death – The Present

***

River walked up and down the Frye’s porch murmuring sweet nothings and holding her daughter’s dark-haired form to her chest. She was almost to sleep and River knew, even though her own muscles and bones ached for rest, if she could just hold out a few minutes longer she’d be able to put Maddy down for the night and go to bed.

River watched in fascination as her daughter’s eyes fluttered shut, small lids covering the bright blue orbs that always looked to her with wonder and understanding. Smoothing her hand over the baby’s mound of dark curls, River sighed a bit, leaning her cheek against the soft hair and then slowly eased herself into a rocking chair, where she could look up at the stairs.

It wasn’t quite like being on Serenity, looking up at the night sky, but it was close. As River sat and rocked, she found her thoughts drifting, as they often did – thoughts were so difficult to pin down – and she was soon lost in memories, memories of her childhood, memories of her life on the run, but mostly memories of Jayne. With a newfound zest, she rocked a bit harder in the chair, cuddling her child just a bit tighter. Her child, Jayne’s child, just eight months old now, and already more of an amazement to River than anything she had ever seen or would see again.

And a miracle. River knew even the Shepherd’s symbol could not dispute that claim. Madeleine should not exist, it was a fact, but she did, against all odds, against all obstacles, and that made her all the more precious to River. Of course, the child would always be precious because she was River’s only physical reminder of her husband. She had her memories yes, and they were vivid and all-encompassing, but they were nothing next to the beauty of the child she cradled now. Peering down at her flushed cheeks and peaceful face, River saw Jayne there for a minute; he too had always looked so relaxed during sleep. Some days the similarities were so overwhelming they took River’s breath away. And some days they simply made her heart hurt.

She had tried very hard in the year that Jayne had been gone to not be sad. Moving back to Harvest had helped, moving in with Winnie and Thom, two of the cheeriest people she had ever met, had helped. Adopting Cadie, finally, had helped, and of course, Maddy’s sweet and innocent presence had helped. But she still missed him, even when she tried not to, even when she told herself she didn’t, she did. And that’s what made nights like this, restless nights, the hardest of all.

With a sigh, she pressed a kiss into her daughter’s hair, inhaling that sweet baby scent and then rose slowly, careful to keep the little one asleep as she moved back inside. Walking slowly up the stairs, River placed her back in her crib, pressing one more kiss to her forehead, before checking on Cadie before she left the room. The eight-year-old reader was of course intuitive, but she was also a great big sister and River felt blessed to twice be a mother in the span of only a few months. Kissing the tips of her fingers, she ghosted them across Cadie’s hair before leaving the room quietly, and heading down the hall to her own room. Once she was inside, safely tucked under the covers, she curled onto her side and let a few of the sad tears fall that she had been fighting all night.

“Love you,” she murmured, her hand running across the pillow Jayne’s head should have been occupying, before drifting off.

***

Cadie awoke early the next morning, minutes before Maddy stirred. With a stretch of her arms over her head, the older girl got out of bed and was to the crib just as her baby sister rolled about and opened her mouth to cry. With quick hands, Cadie reached in and scooped the child up, holding her with expertise to her chest and rocking her gently to silence her.

And, just a few minutes later, like clockwork, River entered the room, pausing for a moment in the doorway to regard both of her girls. Looking up to her Cadie smiled, that knowing grin that everyone said she got from River and then looked back to Maddy’s cooing face. Moving towards them, River placed a kiss to Cadie’s forehead and murmured, “Morning, baby,” before plucking Maddy from her arms.

“Good mornin’ mama,” Cadie always answered and then followed River from the room, being sure to pick up Maddy’s favorite toy, a stuffed dinosaur from her Aunt Zoe and her favorite rattle, a collection of discarded engine parts from her Aunt Kaylee, on her way out.

Once downstairs and after they had said their good mornings to Winnie, Thom already out at work for the day, the three Cobb women sat at the table and ate breakfast, Cadie entertaining Maddy while River prepared the bottle and River being sure to quiz the older girl on her lessons before sending her off to school. Not that she really needed it – Cadie was powerful smart, but River wanted her to be normal too, as normal as she could be, and that meant going to school with kids her own age and learning at the same pace as everybody else.

Walking with her to the door, River stood in the open screen and watched as Cadie bounded down the steps and across the yard to join Ellie and the others as they all walked off to school. And just when River could barely see them, Cadie would turn, like she always did, and give one final wave, which River always returned.

They had a comfortable life here, a routine that River was thankful for. She had spent so much of her life unstructured and scattered, she relished the bits of certainty she now could find. Especially after Jayne’s death, when not only had her life been turned upside down, but her emotions, already conflicted with grief had had to adjust to the unenviable throes of pregnancy. Yes, routine could be good.

Wandering out onto the porch with Maddy in her arms, River allowed her gaze to rove over the landscape, taking in Millie’s house and the Everetts’ place in the distance. This small little patch of land had seen quite a bit of her family’s triumphs and trials over the past five or so years, and River always marveled at the fact that she felt so at home here. She didn’t often feel at home anywhere, save on Serenity and at Simon and Kaylee’s, but she did here. And she was thankful.

Stepping down off the porch, River circled the yard, her eyes finding all manner of familiar sights and conjuring memories. Happy moments, sad moments, scary moments, calm moments. It was here, in this very yard, that Rylee had been grabbed by her own grandfather and here just a few yards away where Simon had been shot by a vengeful man. And it was here that her brother and Kaylee had gotten married. Here that she and Jayne had admitted their feelings for one another. Here that Zoe had settled with Ellie. It was here that so much had happened.

And every day, she told Maddy a new story, walking with the babe in her arms, and telling her each memory with as much detail as her overly bright brain could recall. Often the girl would look to her, her head tilted to the side that always gave River the impression she was listening intently. Then the baby might see a bird or hear a noise and her hands would be up, grasping at the air, or winding their way through River’s hair and River found her entire focus shifted from seeing the world through her own eyes to seeing them through her daughter’s; and that was powerful shift.

So this morning, as she tried to tell the story of Inara’s surprise party, Maddy heard the deep rumble of an engine and turned in the direction of the noise, raising the homemade rattle Kaylee had fashioned and jangling it enthusiastically. With a wide smile, River nuzzled her cheek and said, “Yes, baby, that’s right, Aunt Kaylee. Aunt Kaylee works on engines. You recognize that noise, don’t you?”

Smiling contentedly, Maddy continued to rattle away and River continued to tell her story, trying to keep her mind from drifting to Jayne.

***

10 Months After Jayne’s Death

***

“Kaylee?”

“Over here, sweetie.”

Simon rounded the corner of their recently erected shed and found Kaylee bent low over some piece of equipment he could scarcely recognize, much less name. Her back was to him as she squatted down, her head cocked at a decidedly uncomfortable angle as she tried to reach some offending bolt or some such.

He sighed a bit as she finally turned her head to greet him, a wide grin on her features and grease smudges all along her face. He could only return her smile. Despite the nearly seven years it had been since they’d first met, Kaylee did not look a day older and now, once again covered in oil, her hands and nails dirty from working with the machines she loved, he thought she looked even younger. And more beautiful, if that were possible.

“Hiya, honey. Everythin’ okay?”

He walked towards her and extended a hand, which she gladly took, smearing his clean fingers with grease in the process. As she rose and pressed a kiss to his lips, she noticed the dirt and immediately blushed. “Sorry,” she murmured, reaching behind her to grab a rag and wipe his hand clean. Continuing to smile at her, Simon could only watch as she hummed and wiped.

He wasn’t exactly certain when word had gotten out that a genius mechanic had moved into this little town, but now that it had spread, far and wide, Simon could more often than not find Kaylee out here, sometimes with Rylee or Danny, often with the twins in bassinets and maybe even with Maddy, tinkering away. Simon had had his reservations about her doing so much work, especially as she still did most of the household chores too, although he did try to help. But truthfully, he was really only good for cleaning as his culinary skills left much to be desired. So Kaylee almost always pushed him out of the way and told him to go save somebody’s life while she did it all. And Simon once again found himself thanking the ‘verse for all he’d been blessed with.

Pulling his hand from her, Simon cupped her cheek and the sudden movement brought Kaylee’s wide green eyes to his face. Searching her face for just a moment more, Simon leaned in and kissed her, pulling her to him despite her minimal protests that she’d get him dirty. “I long ago became an expert at getting engine grease out of my clothes,” he told her, his lips whispering along her jaw and towards her ear.

She laughed a bit and Simon sighed again – she was so happy, and he was so unbelievably glad. Squeezing her to him once more, he pulled back, his hands resting loosely on her waist as he said, “And what lovely piece of equipment are we working on today?”

Casting a glance over her shoulder Kaylee immediately frowned and Simon knew what that meant – the piece of equipment was neither lovely nor working and that frustrated his wife. “Yi da tuo da bian,” she muttered, bringing her gaze back to him as she rolled her eyes.

His eyebrows spiking at her colorful language, Simon told her, “Well, now, something tells me you’ll have it working again in no time.”

Shrugging, she told him, “I ‘spose.” Nestling her cheek to his chest, she added, “An’ not that I mind the intrusion, but did you need somethin’?”

Pressing a kiss into her hair, Simon rubbed his hands gently up and down her back and told her, “Yes, actually. I was looking for River and Maddy. I need to give that little one some vaccinations.”

Pulling back from him, Kaylee walked towards her work bench where they’d set up bassinets for the twins and leaned down to pick up his four-month-old niece. Turning to head back towards him, Kaylee’s voice took on the sweet lilt of baby talk, as she said, “Well, I don’t know where River is, but I got this lil’ ray o’ sunshine right here with me.”

Simon smiled as Kaylee’s bright and happy eyes again turned to him. “You’re on babysitting duty again?” he asked, a bit perturbed that his sister had again foisted the responsibility of her child on his wife.

“Don’t say it like that,” she scolded him, kissing Maddy’s cheek before handing her over to Simon. “You know River’s been tryin’ to help Rylee and Cadie. She said she had an idea an’ needed some time.” Looking back down into the baby’s sweet face, her little fists waving in the air, Kaylee rubbed a clean finger just under her chin, getting the coo she’d been looking for. “Besides, you know I love this lil’ one. She’s a sweetheart.”

Simon gazed down into the baby’s blue eyes and had to admit, his wife had a point. His niece was decidedly adorable; not as beautiful as his own children, of course, but definitely in the running.

Kaylee looked back up to watch him, her heart melting a bit as she saw the way Simon doted on the baby. He was such a good dad, even to Jayne’s baby, and Kaylee once again thanked the ‘verse that not only did he love her, but their children as well. Watching as his face fell, she asked, “What is it?”

Glancing to her with a bit of a twinkle in his eyes, Simon said teasingly, “She really is very cute, but did she have to look so much like Jayne?”

Kaylee laughed out loud, kissing him and the baby again, before pushing him from the shed. “All right, get goin’ or I ain’t never gonna finish, and it’s gonna be supper time soon.”

Turning back to her, Simon couldn’t resist kissing her once more as he said, “How about River and I cook tonight?”

Raising an eyebrow at him Kaylee amended, “How about River cooks tonight and you clean?”

Smirking, Simon resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her. “Fine,” he sighed. “River cooks, I clean.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kaylee told him, stepping back inside. “See ya in a bit.”

Smiling to her, he waited until she was out of sight and then turned to his niece. “All right, little one. Let’s keep you happy and healthy.”

***

Rylee was trying very hard to concentrate on nothing but her own breathing. In through the nose and out through the mouth, over and over again. She tried very hard to block out her aunt’s emotions, happiness and pain swirling together to create a very muddy purple color that glowed around her, while also trying to block out Cadie’s serenity, the pale blue shade that identified her to Rylee’s mind ingratiating in its peacefulness. Her own color, one of light red mixed with a deep orange was pulsing as she fought for control – and lost.

“I can’t do it,” she yelled, snapping her eyes open and taking in her aunt and cousin. Slowly they both blinked in her direction, their calm breathing and placid faces annoying the younger girl to no end.

“You can do it, Rylee,” River told her, reaching out a light hand to her arm. “You just have to keep trying.”

“Well, what if I don’t wanna,” she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest resolutely, and jutting her lower lip out.

Sharing a knowing look that also infuriated the little girl, Cadie and River could only smile at each other. Finally, it was Cadie who said, “If you didn’t wanna, you wouldn’t be so mad ya can’t.”

Rylee thought about saying something mean, about scolding the girl for reading her thoughts, but she supposed that wasn’t fair. She did it often enough. With a heavy sigh, Rylee leaned her hands behind her on the sun-warmed stone they were sitting on and turned her face to the sun above. It was a beautiful day and if she hadn’t been ready to scream in frustration, she probably would have appreciated it.

Of course, she’d much rather be spending it with Danny, climbing trees or playing hide and seek, but instead, her aunt had sequestered her for another lesson and so Rylee was forced to sit here now, trying to be good and proper, while her thoughts and those of the people around her raged. It just wasn’t right.

Still regarding her niece, River noted the girl’s expression as she shed some of her frustration and again found a bit of inner peace. This was hard for Rylee, being quiet, River knew. It was hard for her, because when Rylee was quiet, she remembered, remembered her time with the Blue Hands, and she didn’t want to. That’s why she was fighting it so hard. Because before she could get to that place of peace, she would have to descend through layers of chaos, chaos she was desperately trying to avoid.

Snapping her head sharply to her aunt, Rylee’s eyes narrowed and River knew she’d caught her snooping. Giving her a smile, River waited for the girl to call her on it, wanted her too, actually, as it might help if Rylee voiced her fears, but with a smug expression all over her features – one she had clearly adopted from her father, she sat forward and said, “Daddy’s looking for you.”

Smiling at her, River decided she would let it slide, for now. “I know,” she told her simply, unfolding her legs from beneath her and jumping down off the rock. Reaching up, she helped first Rylee and Cadie down and hand-in-hand the three of them made their way through the small wood and back to the house.

Knowing where Simon was, River deposited both girls on the front stoop and told them, “Go wash up and make sure Danny’s washed up too. You’re going to have to help me with supper tonight.”

Throwing her big grins, as the girls loved to cook with River, because she often let them use very different ingredients, they bounded up the stairs and into the house. Circling along the porch, River found the door to the clinic open and stepped inside, to see her brother place her screaming daughter’s bare bottom on a very cold scale.

Rushing to his side, River hit him on the arm and muttered, “Boob,” before lifting her daughter back into her arms.

Rubbing where she’d smacked him, Simon could only grin as he murmured back, “Brat,” before turning and noting his niece’s new weight in her chart. By the time he had prepped her shot, River had already redressed her and was now making funny faces at her as the baby laughed incessantly. Simon leaned back against the counter for a moment, still marveling at how unbelievably natural River was with her daughter. It was uncanny to him, really. Just a few short years ago, he had considered her a baby herself, and now, here she was, a mother and a fantastic one.

Turning to look at him with wide eyes, she smiled big and said, “Thank you, Simon.”

Blushing a bit as he realized she’d plucked yet another thought from his brain, he moved forward and disinfected a small patch of his niece’s leg. River picked Maddy up to cradle her as Simon gave her the shot, and the baby only whimpered a bit at the pinch. She was such a good baby that amazed Simon as well. He had assumed any child of Jayne’s would be a hellion, but luckily for him, and his entire household, Maddy’s first few months had been blessedly peaceful.

“All done,” Simon said, his eyes dancing with laughter as he brushed kisses to Maddy’s tummy, causing her to giggle. River smiled at her brother and then sat on the table in the middle of the room, knowing that although he was done with doctoring for the moment, he had more on his mind.

Regarding her oddly, he asked, “Is there something I should know?”

Returning his look, she asked, “Is there something I should?”

Simon sighed a bit, turning and making more notes in Madeleine’s chart and discarding the used syringe. Sitting on his stool, he swiveled and rolled towards her, placing a light hand to Maddy’s soft curls. Without bringing his eyes to meet hers, he said quietly, “You left her with Kaylee again.”

Nodding once, River had suspected this is what was causing her brother concern. “I needed to see if I could help Rylee. Needed the quiet.”

Finally meeting her wide brown eyes, Simon asked quietly, “Is that all it is, mei mei? Really?” When she didn’t have an immediate answer, Simon continued. “I’m not saying it isn’t hard to adjust to being a parent and I don’t want to imply in any way that Kaylee or I don’t like watching her, I just …”

“You want to be sure I understand the responsibility,” she finished quietly, her eyes back on her daughter’s face as she yawned mightily and snuggled tighter into River’s chest for a nap. “That I understand she’s mine now, forever.”

Nodding, Simon murmured, “Yes.”

River took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, taking another moment to study her daughter as her eyes drifted closed. She’d be lying to herself and to her brother if she denied that she had her doubts about her ability to raise this precious one all by herself. She wasn’t really, of course, by herself. She had Simon and Kaylee, who had been wonderful, but they had children of their own, four of them, and that was what they should be focusing on. Their children, each other, and their life, not River, not Maddy and not Cadie.

With a sigh, River had known this day would come, had known it with such certainty, she’d already started planning for it. She needed to prove to everyone, including herself, that she could do this. That she could be a mother, not only to Maddy, but to Cadie as well. She needed to take that final step and truly grow up.

Looking back to Simon, River reached out a hand to his cheek, getting him to pull his eyes away from Madeleine and settle on River’s face. “Simon, I know that you’re scared for me and worried for me and I love you for that. But I can do this,” she told him, smiling slightly. “And I will, on my own.”

Furrowing his brow, Simon rose abruptly, concern coloring his features. “Mei mei, that’s not what I meant. I’m not trying to-"

Placing a hand over his mouth, River just grinned at him and said, “Calm down. I know you’re not trying to kick me out. But it’s time, Simon. It’s time for me to go and live my life. And it’s time for you and Kaylee to live yours.”

Feeling like the biggest heel in the ‘verse and knowing the type of thrashing he was liable to get from his wife once she found out River’s intent to leave, Simon tried vainly to salvage the situation. “River, you don’t have to do this to prove a point. I, I didn’t mean you had to go,” he stammered, actually starting to panic the more he thought of Kaylee’s reaction. “Really. Stay, River please. You and Maddy and Cadie, you’ve been happy here. Haven’t you?”

Her hand still against his face, River blinked back a few tears and told him, “Of course we have, you boob. How could we not? You’ve all been so wonderful. And I could never have made it through the past ten months without you,” she finished quietly, her thoughts drifting to Jayne for only a second. “But, well, I am going to have to figure out how to support my girls, and the best way to do that is to start piloting again. And that best place to do that is Serenity.”

Frowning, Simon wasn’t catching on. “River, you can’t raise your daughters on a ship. That’s not right.”

“No, silly, I’m going to take them back to Harvest. Move in with Winnie and Thom, I’ve already spoken with them,” she told him quickly, noting the surprise that flickered through his eyes. “Mal and Inara have pretty much settled there and they’re taking jobs that keep them in system, only gone for a day or two. I already talked to Mal. I told him I wanted to wait until Maddy was a year and he said that’d be fine.” Smiling at him proudly, River said, “See? I figured it out.”

Simon returned River’s wide grin, feeling a bit of his own pride that his sister had so readily devised a plan. “You’ve obviously been giving this quite a bit of thought,” he said quietly. His arms across his chest, he asked, “When?”

Shrugging lightly, River looked back down to her daughter and then up to her brother. “I’m not sure. I’m thinking in about a month, I want Cadie to start school with the others. But it’ll depend on when Serenity can swing by and get us.” Her gaze drifting out the window, she added as an afterthought, “Plus, I want to see if I can get through to Rylee. I think we’re close.”

His concern for his daughter spiking, Simon asked, “How so?”

Looking back to him, River said, “Well, I’ve almost managed to get her to close her mind, to focus on her own emotions and thoughts, but she’s fighting the process. She’s trying to …” River trailed off, uncertain how much of this Simon should really know or really hear. He was still carrying around quite a bit of self-blame regarding his daughter’s kidnapping and subsequent torture and River did not want to fan those flames.

“What, River?” Simon asked quietly, his voice imploring her to continue – he wanted to know.

Smiling sadly at him, she explained, “There’s a lot from her time with the Blue Hands that she doesn’t want to remember which isn’t, necessarily, a bad thing. Her mind has blocked most of those memories as a defense mechanism, to protect her, but if she’s ever going to be a truly functional Reader, she’s going to have to confront them.”

“But now?” Simon asked, his voice dropping to a whisper, thoughts of his beautiful little girl consuming him. “She’s so young. Can’t it wait until she’s matured a bit, before she has to go through that?”

Nodding once, River admitted, “We could try and wait, but the longer she spends consumed with other people’s emotions, the less of her own identity she’ll develop.” Pausing, River took in a deep breath and said, “Eventually, she’ll stop being Rylee and start conforming to whoever’s around. She could easily develop multiples.”

Simon swallowed hard at this admission. He saw the sad look in his sister’s eyes and knew she was again blaming herself for what had happened to his daughter. Of course, Simon had blamed her plenty when she’d first been taken, but they were past that now, and all he cared about, at this moment, was Rylee growing into the happy and healthy girl she could be.

Taking her hands in his, Simon questioned, “You can help her, can’t you?”

Smiling back at him, River told him firmly, “I can try and I promise you, I am not giving up on her. We’ll work it out.”

Simon nodded once and then tried to swallow back his fear. Nothing would be accomplished if he let Rylee or even Kaylee know how concerned he was for their little one’s well-being. He had to have faith that his sister could help her, and after everything River had survived, he found his belief in her stronger than ever.

Turning his thoughts back to their original topic of discussion, he felt sadness again grip his heart: that she was going and that he might have pushed her away. Taking her gently by the shoulders, Simon asked quietly, “Please tell me you’re not leaving just because of what I said?” Studying her face for a moment, he added, “Because if you are, I have a feeling I’ll be looking for a very good divorce lawyer.”

Smiling to him, River kissed his cheek as she hopped lightly off the table, not waking Maddy in the process. “I’ll explain all of it to Kaylee, you won’t have to worry.” Pausing, she could still see the distress in his eyes. “I’m not doing this because of you, Simon.” Glancing around the room, she thought of how much this place, this house, was home to her, and that was because of him. Smiling at him again, she knew a few of her tears would come lose when she admitted this next part, but she didn’t care. “Part of me wants to stay.” He opened his mouth to tell her she could, but she silenced him, by adding, “But, another part of me, a bigger part, knows that I need to go.” Stepping towards him she said, “I can’t be your baby sister forever. And you can’t take care of me forever either.”

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Simon pressed a kiss to her temple and said, “You will always be my baby sister.” They stayed like that for a moment, River nestled into his side where she always felt safe and protected. After untold minutes, Simon kissed her again and said, “But you’re not a baby anymore and I can understand why you feel you need to go.” Turning her to face him he held her gaze and said, “Just know that, no matter what, this will always be your home. Your home and Maddy’s and Cadie’s.”

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, River told him, “I do know that. Thank you.”

Smiling to her, Simon glanced down to Maddy once more and then remembered the promise he’d made to Kaylee. His cheeks flushing with a bit of embarrassment, he asked, “You don’t mind cooking tonight do you? Because I kind of volunteered you.”

Smiling wide at him, River headed for the door and told him, “No, that’s fine. I was thinking about blueberry pancakes, sound good?”

Smiling to her again, Simon said, “Well, I know Kaylee would prefer strawberries, but it sounds delicious to me. I’ll be up in a few to help.”

Frowning at him, River said, “I’ve got plenty of help. You just rest up for those dishes.”

Sticking his tongue out at her, Simon watched her go, the sweet and familiar sound of her laughter staying with him long after she’d disappeared.

***

Translation: Yi da tuo da bian - Big lump of shit TBC - So, what did you think?