Malcolm Reynolds was in a hurry. Serenity would be touching down soon on Beline, and that meant he needed to quit screwing around with work and get himself ready. Jayne and Zoë could see to the rest of the cargo prepping. No that there was a great deal to prep. They were transporting fuel cells which had somehow managed to get mislaid at an Alliance weigh station, and being paid quite well for them, the first really good coin they had turned in about a month. This, however, had absolutely nothing to do with why mal was in a hurry. He was in a hurry because in a short bit of time, they would physically be on Beline, and on Beline was a hotel, the Abelard Arms. Mal didn’t have the slightest idea what the name meant, since the town it was in was called Winston, not Abelard, nor did he particularly care. Inside the Abelard Arms was a woman, and this woman held a spot in Mal’s heart that no one on Serenity had any idea about. Her name was Annabelle Syrtis, and after what seemed like a lifetime of silence, she was waved Mal aboard Serenity, asking him how he was. No one on board Serenity knew anything about this. Mal had a secure comm channel in his quarters, enabling him to reach out or receive without anyone on board knowing about it. Mal had very nearly fallen over when her wave came into him, and he wasn’t too sure how actually to respond. For that matter, he wasn’t entirely sure whether or not to respond. The silence that had existed between them had spanned well over a year, with a few feeble, ham-handed attempts on his part to reach out to her, none of them ever amounting to a hill of go-se. Mal had run the gamut of emotions during this time: loss, resentment, anger, self-doubt, but all he ever had to work with, largely, was pure silence. Every voice of logic living inside his head told him not to respond to her wave, even while he was doing it. Beline was the planet where Mal had actually found and purchased Serenity. In a way, the planet was a birthplace to almost every aspect of Mal’s life after the war. He had been crewing on a freighter, on and off with Zoë, carrying out the occasional heist, and hiding his money on a bank on Beline, a place where they could always get shelter. A short count on his percentage had led to angry words between himself and the captain, which led to Mal and Zoë being without a ride, but not without money. And so there they were, marooned, with no particular plans to move forward, staying in Annabelle’s hotel. It was how they met, with mal taking most of his meals there while he and Zoë tried to determine which way they would be going next. Polite service had turned into conversation, and conversation had turned into Mal making any damn fool reason to be around the hotel when Annabelle would be working. They made each other happy in ways mal hadn’t ever expected. Of course she had a husband, Mal thought to himself. No good gorram reason in the ‘Verse why the whole thing should go easily for him. A husband who was never there, and a son whom she was raising more or less on her own, in a life she couldn’t stand. “What would you really want?” Mal had asked her once. “To paint. That’s the only real dream of my life is to paint.,” she had told him. “So do it. Get off this crap rock and go.” “How? How will I support my son?” Mal really didn’t have an answer for that question. Zoë saw all that was happening, and tried to keep her nose out of it. Mal was her superior officer, and it just wasn’t right or fitting for Zoë to comment on his affairs. She was no fool, though. She saw what was coming to Mal, and none of it was good. Until he bought Serenity, that is. She had plenty to say about that purchase, none of it very good or positive. Mal was like a child defending his choice, clueless as to her scorn. Despite it’s dilapidated condition, inability to move under her own power, and the constant proof that they kept finding of animals living inside of her. While Zoë was highly questioning about his choice in boats, she was glad to see him making plans to get off this rock. She knew how hard mal was falling, and she knew how bad this was going to turn. Making Serenity spaceworthy would take time, to say the very least, and that was more time for Mal to be with Annabelle. This was something Zoë didn’t like at all. The day came where Zoë could hold her tongue no more. “Sir, I need to talk to you about something.” Mal had spent most of the day with Annabelle, and his mood was light and fun. “What’s on your mind?” “Annabelle is what’s on my mind, sir.” She could see his mood shift from happy to defensive. “Now Zoë, I don’t conjure that to be a conversation I am interested in having with you.” “Sir, I don’t mean to speak out of turn here--” “Then stopping would be an excellent idea.” “--but I’m not just a soldier, sir. I figure to be your friend, and I’m a woman--” “Thank you rightly for the gender update Zoë, but this is not a conversation I am really interested in having with you.” “You’re going to get hurt, sir. Hurt plenty bad before this is over.” Mal looked at her long and hard at that statement. It was a look that was intended to turn Zoë back on her course of conversation, but she wouldn’t have it. She was a soldier, above and beyond all else, and she needed someone to follow. Malcolm Reynolds was a man to follow, but as a woman, she knew that men could get off track sometimes, could get find themselves lost. “Are you sleeping with her, sir?’ “Gorrammit, woman, I’m not going to tell you that!” “So the answer is yes,” she said flatly. He was lying to her, and he knew that was wrong. He knew he was off course with all of this, knew he was adrift in rocky water, but he just couldn’t help himself. Of course he was sleeping with her, and lying to Zoë was pointless. What he would remember the most, what would stay with him for the rest of his days, was the first time he had undressed her. Annabelle had dark blonde hair that was long and curly, with a dancer’s body both thin and petite. They were in the top floor of a barn that stood on the grounds of an abandoned farm. He remembered making her naked, and he remembered how she turned her back to him, and looked back over her shoulder while she held her hair up. He remembered how her eyes looked right at that moment, like there was no other place in the ‘Verse but where they were. Later, after they had taken each other, he lay on his back and she propped herself up next to him on an elbow. She traced a finger along the left side of his face and said, “You look so peaceful right now. You look so happy.” “I am happy, Annabelle. Happier’n I’ve ever been in my days.” And he was. Right now, there was no war, no Alliance, no Serenity valley. There was them, and no one else. “You’re not the first woman I’ve known, but no one ever made me feel like this.” “Like what, Malcolm?” She always called him Malcolm, never Mal. “Like I feel absolutely entirely at peace. Annabelle, I have seen and done God-awful things, and I got enough guilty conscience for ten men,” he said. “I grew up on Shadow, and I saw what the Alliance did to that whole planet to prove a point. To send us a message of what they were capable of. I saw my Ma’s ranch, or what was her ranch. It was scorched like everything else.” He rolled over to face her. “I didn’t just fight the Alliance after that, I hunted them. I killed anything even remotely Alliance.” He laid back down and closed his eyes. “Then we went to Serenity Valley, and everybody died. Everybody died, Annabelle, ‘cept me and Zoë and a handful of others, and half of them woulda been better of had they died. There was madness and maiming to share, Annabelle.” He placed a finger on her chin and ran it down the length of her body. “And here I am with you.” “I don’t think your friend Zoë likes me overly much,” Annabelle said. “Aw, c’mon, why would you say that?” It was her turn to look at him. “Malcolm, you just spent all afternoon making love to me, and now I am going home to wait for my husband.” Mal closed his eyes at the sound of that word. Reaver had less ugliness to its sound than that word. It was a word that brought them crashing back to reality. “Does that mean you need to get back now?” “Soon.” His fingers traced over her deliciously naked body. “How soon?” “Well,” she said with a wicked smile. “Not right away.”

Getting Serenity spaceworthy took the better part of four months, two mechanics, and a lot of cleaning. They had a pilot who was supposed to be the best in the business, even though Zoë didn’t like him. Mal was with Annabelle every chance he could be. He was so far in love with her, he couldn’t untangle himself even if he wanted to. “What are you doing with me?” he asked her once? “What the hell could you possibly see in me?’ “Malcolm, she said, taking his hand. “You have such a good heart, such a kind and noble soul, how could I not love you?” “Darlin’, there’s nothing noble about me. I’m a thief, and a violent one at that.” “Malcolm, you are the most honorable man I’ve known. These are bad times we live in, it’s not always easy to do the kind and good thing, but I promise you, Malcolm, I would trust you with anything, even my child.” Mal didn’t know what to say to that.

The day finally came. Serenity was ready to fly. Their first job was lined up, and Malcolm Reynolds was ready to feel the freedom of flight again. He lay in the barn with Annabelle where they had first been together. “Come with me.” “What?’ “Come with me. Leave this place. Leave it all. Annabelle, I love you like I can’t even begin to say. I’d do anything in the whole gorram ‘Verse to make you happy. I’d walk right through the fires of hell to get you an ice cream cone, do you understand that?” “Malcolm, how can you know this so surely?” “I just do, darlin’. I know it like I know I gotta breath. I know my heart just damn near bursts with joy every time I lay eyes on you, and that’s a fact. The only one thing I want to do in this ‘Verse is to make you happy.” “What about Jared?” Her son, Jared, was four. “Annabelle, I’ll raise him as my own. Teach him to be a man. I’ll even give him my name, if you’d have such.” “Malcolm, what are you saying to me?” “Annabelle, I want you to come on Serenity not as a passenger, but as my wife.” There, he has said it, there was no taking it back now. “Malcolm, I don’t really know what to say to this, I can’t…..well, I couldn’t just make a decision, we would…..When do you leave?” “We need to leave by mid day tomorrow to keep on schedule.” “I will be here, Malcolm, one way or another, I will be here.” With that she kissed him quickly and ran away.

“Sir, with all due respect, are you out of your gorram mind?” Zoë demanded. Mal knew she would react, and knew he would have to take the storm like this. “Now Zoë, you just gotta--” “I just gotta nothing! You want to bring a child on this boat, with people like us? Doing our kind of work? We haven’t even had our first flight and I already have to relieve you of command!” She turned and stormed away. Wash, their new pilot, stood next to Mal and watched Zoë walk away. “Doesn’t she look great from this angle?” he said to Mal with a lecherous grin. “If I tell her you said that, she is going to shoot you, you realize this, right?” “You don’t mean like, pull a trigger and a bullet flies out shoot me, do you?” “Yup.” “God, that’s sexy.” Mal looked at him and shook his head and walked away.

The next day came, and Serenity was ready to fly. She was fueled and stocked, her course laid out, her new mechanic, a young girl of almost overpowering cheerfulness working wonders in the engine room, and her new pilot continually flirting with a disaster named Zoë. Mal stood on the loading ramp of his ship, caring about none of these things, waiting for Annabelle, who still hadn’t shown up. Rats inside his head were already telling him that she wasn’t coming, that he was being stood up, and he put all the effort he could into silencing these rats. Zoë stood on the second tier of the cargo bay, watching Mal. She was thinking the same thing as he was, only she didn’t want to silence the ideas. She welcomed them openly. She knew beyond any shadow of doubt that bringing that woman and her child on board would lead to nothing but trouble, but the captain had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to hear these things. Wash sidled up to her and asked “What are we waiting for?” She looked back at him. “For the captain to either walk away from this rock clean, or for him to make a really bad mistake. Can’t quite tell which just yet.” “Am I missing a piece of the puzzle here?” “You are.” Her response was terse to the point of rude, which finally prompted Wash to ask, “I’m confused here……Have I done something to offend you? You’ve made it painfully clear since I signed on here that you can’t stand the presence of me, and I’m really having some serious second thoughts about taking this boat up in the air like this.” He was prepared for Zoë to either ignore him or kick the crap out of him, he couldn’t really predict which. Zoë turned to look straight at him, which prepared him for option two, and genuinely surprised him with her answer. “It’s the mustache.” “Huh?” “The mustache. I don’t like the mustache. You remind me of someone with that thing. I’ve been trying to conjure what could be bothering me so much about you, and that’s it.” “You’ve been treating me like go-se because of my mustache,” Wash asked in wonderment. She smiled at him and nearly, almost, but not quite, blushed. “Sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it?” “Honestly, yes, it does!” They were both quiet for a moment, and Wash asked, “What’s up with Mal?” “He’s waiting on a woman, and her little child, and he wants to bring them with us.” “On this boat? Doing our kind of work?” “Those very words passed my lips.” Wash muttered wonderment in Chinese. “You understand when I once again voice some doubts here.” “I’m starting to think the issue might just be resolving itself.” Mal checked his timepiece for what felt like the thousandth time, wondering what could be keeping her. He paced back and forth, genuinely worried now. As he got ready to give up, he saw her, running to the ship, by herself. That was bad, by herself. He knew that this was going to go badly for him. She ran up the loading ramp, and handed him an envelope. “I’m sorry, Malcolm. I’m so very sorry. Don’t read this until you are gone.” She forced the envelope into the pocket of his coat. “Annabelle, don’t….wait, please--” She looked back at him, the tears flowing out of her eyes like little streams. “Malcolm, please, just go.” She turned and ran from the loading bay Mal looked at her, thunderstruck. This wasn’t happening, couldn’t be happening. “Annabelle!” She didn’t look back. Mal felt a hand on his arm, and turned to see Zoë. “Sir, it’s time to go.” He cursed at her in Chinese, and offense she instantly forgave him for. She watched Annabelle run further from the ship, and looked back at Mal. “Mal,” she said, making a rare exception to address him my name. “It’s time for us to leave here.” Mal looked at her, nakedly devastated. “Zoë…?” She led him backwards, and pressed the button to close the airlock doors. “I’ll take her up, sir. You relieve me when you see fit.” With that, she turned and left him alone, because she didn’t want him to have her seeing his pain. She wanted to let him retain his dignity in that much at least, especially when he opened the letter. Mal wandered aimlessly back to the room he had picked for his quarters, and sat on his bed and read the letter. When he finished, he looked up at the ceiling of his room, and put his face into his hands and cried. Sobs he couldn’t control wracked his body, and tears burned out of his eyes as he tried to hold them back, and Malcolm Reynolds learned right then and there what it meant to have your heart broken.

“Wash, how long before we’re planetside?” Mal asked for the fifth time in an hour. “Mal, I could have probably already put us on the ground if you would stop asking me that!” “Hey, now, there’s no call to get tetchy with me.” Zoë was on the bridge as well, and she was watching Mal closely. She didn’t like this, not one single bit. He was fidgety as hell, and snappy too. Towards Wash and everybody else. He walked off the bridge to check the cargo for the hundredth time of the day, and Zoë followed, standing up on the second tier, out of his way. Inara came out of her shuttle to stand next to her. “Can you tell me what is wrong with him today?” Inara asked. “It’s rather a long story, one I honestly hoped we wouldn’t be repeating again.” “I guess I’m a little lost,” Inara said. “This is where the Captain originally bough Serenity, did you know that?” Inara shook her head no. “Well, he and I were stranded on this moon for a spell while we got the ship spaceworthy, long before you moved into the shuttle.” “And what happened?” Zoë knew she was treading a minefield here. First, Mal’s business was Mal’s business, and no one else’s. Add to that the fact that Zoë was no fool, this was going to have an impact on Inara, whether she showed it or not. God, she wished they weren’t going back to Beline again. “Inara, this here’s got to stay between us, dong-ma?” “Of course, Zoë.” “There’s a woman on Beline.” “Only one?” Inara asked, in an effort to sound light. Zoë knew Inara already saw where this was going. “Only one really matters, hun. She matters an awful lot to the Captain.” “Oh. I never pried into Mal’s past, I had no idea….” “Well, I was there, and there was nothing nice about it. He fell hard, Inara. Hard as I’ve ever heard of any man falling. Hard to the point that he begged for her to leave her husband and come with him on Serenity. Hard to where he was ready to raise her boy as his own. All of that kind of hard.” “We’re talking about that Mal?’ Inara pointed down to the captain. “The Malcolm Reynolds down there?’ “The very same, Inara.” “In a thousand years, I couldn’t have expected a story like that about Mal. Anyone else on Serenity, even the Shepherd, but not Malcolm Reynolds.” “I probably just made a big mistake telling you this, but you asked.” “You made no mistake, Zoë. None. Mal and I have an amicable business relationship, and sometimes, even amicable is a stretch. In fact, I find it mildly amusing to see him all worked up like this. I hope he finds what he’s looking for when we land.” With that, she turned on her heel, and flowed back to her shuttle. That could have gone better, Zoë thought.

In her shuttle, Inara refused to cry. Damned if she would cry for this man again. She paced the carpeting furiously, angry at Mal, angry at the situation, and most of all angry at herself. She had told mal she was leaving Serenity, thinking he would figure out that he needed to ask her to stay. That’s all it would have taken. Just ask me to stay, show me something, don’t just let me go. When it became apparent that either he was too dense to know that he had to ask her, or he was playing a better waiting game than she would have ever given him credit for, she should have tried different bait, but she was too stubborn and proud to do this. Inara had a very hard time putting the Malcolm Reynolds that she knew together with this passionate soul that Zoë was describing. It was like two different men. Why couldn’t she have ever seen this passion before? She realized that she always had seen it, that Malcolm Reynolds was a man of monumental passion. It was his passion that made Serenity a family. It was him, and no one but him, who held Jayne in check, who kept the Tams safe, who made this ship a home, a home that she was leaving now. Inara was surprised by a light tapping at her door. She really wasn’t in any kind of mood for company, but there was no way she could let that fact show. She was a Registered Companion, a woman of class and stature, and she would by god act like one. Whatever else she was about to lose, she would not lose her dignity. She opened her door and was stunned to find River standing there, sobbing hysterically. She swept River into her arms instantly. “Sweetie, what happened? Tell me what happened.” She was already reaching for a comm to get Simon up here. “You’re crying so much, but you won’t get it out,” she said between sobs. Inara recoiled as if slapped. How could this poor, disturbed child know that. How could the heartbreak that Inara was containing within herself. “River? River, who told you this? Did Zoë tell you something?” “She’s scared, scared for him, and you’re so sad,” as she went into another round of hysterical sobs. Inara thought back to the night they found River with one of Jayne’s guns, which he still denied leaving out (and somehow, as distasteful as she found Jayne Cobb to be, she did believe him on this), and remembered a conversation they had all had at the dinner table. It was Mal who had put it into words. “She’s a reader.” and they had all nodded their agreement. Inara had heard of such things before, everyone had, and even her profession had legends of readers, women who knew what any partner could ever want without hearing a word. But River, she was different. River was channeling Inara’s emotional tides from across the ship. She was something more. Knowing it was wrong to do this, but unable to help herself, she asked, “What about the Captain, River? What is he doing?” ‘He’s so afraid,” she said between snuffles. “He reads the letter and he wants to run, but he can’t look away.” River looked at her in shock. “He’s so terrified to go, but also not to go. He has to know. But he’s going to get hurt. She’s going to hurt and hurt and hurt….” she trailed off into another round of tears. Inara held River to her chest as she cried, wanting to cry herself, and feeling so guilty that this poor child should have to channel her pain. She sat and rocked her until calm finally came to River.

Wash put the ship on the ground, and Mal all but beat the bay doors open. Inara had shared with Zoë the strange experience with River. “I tend to put faith in what the girl says,” Zoë had said. “How bad was it, really, Zoë?” “For the Captain? Oh, plenty kinds of bad. I saw that man face down Alliance rollers, and she brought him to tears. He never knew I heard him, but you know how this ship is, sound carries. She tore his heart right out, she did.” “And he can’t go back for more fast enough, can he?” “Nope.” “Did he ever tell you what was in the letter?” “No, and I didn’t dare ask.” Zoë turned to face Inara. “It’s about to happen again, you know it as well as I do. Inara, I know you’re hurting from all of this too--” “Zoë--” “--No, no, no, don’t interrupt, we both know it’s true. All I’m asking you is please, please, don’t be unkind to him. He’s gonna fall, mighty hard I should expect, and he will need the kindness of his family here.” “Does anyone else know?” “Kaylee never had a clue, and Wash knew something was up, but was still too scared of me to ask outright.” Inara chuckled at that. She knew that those two had a petty rocky beginning. “I will try not to be too hard on him, Zoë.” “Just so’s we’re plenty clear on this, the word please was just me being polite. Let’s keep it polite, all right, dear?” In that moment, Inara saw what a frightening individual Zoë could be, and grasped the awesome loyalty she carried for the captain. “You have my promise, Zoë.” “That’s good enough for me. Let’s go get to seeing our fearless leader doesn’t make too much of a damned fool of himself.” Business was carried out by mal, Zoë, and Jayne, who had next to no part in the actual business and negotiation and of things, but always posed a serious threat to anyone feeling less than entirely honest about things. Money changed hands, equipment was offloaded, and mal was off and running to the Abelard Arms. There she was, not the tiniest bit less lovely than the last time he had seen her. He felt his heart rise up into his throat the way it always did when he saw her, felt his breath come short, and fought the urge to wipe his hands on his trousers in case they were sweaty. “Annabelle!” he cried, striding to her, his frequently dour features lit up like a Christmas tree. “Malcolm!” She let herself be swept into his arms. “I just….I can’t….god dammit woman, it so good to see you again,” mal stammered. “I wasn’t sure if you would come, Malcolm,” she said. “Annabelle, an army of hungry Reavers couldn’t keep me away!” She looked deep into him, looked at him in that way she had, a way he had never known before or since. Mal was convinced that River Tam was a Reader, but that was nothing compared to the way this woman could look into his soul. She pulled his head down to whisper in his ear. “Take me somewhere.” Mal looked at her, full of elation and fear, and took her by the hand, and back to Serenity.

As they walked back to the ship, Zoë, Inara, and Jayne watched Mal walking. “Well, will you look at that,” Jayne said. “Didn’t take ol’ mal no time at all get himself a little bit of tasty, did it?” “Jayne, I am right next to filling you with holes,” Zoë said. “What she misses, I won’t,” added Inara. “Jeez, no call to be so jumpy, is there?” Zoë looked at him hard. “You should really go find somewhere else to be.” “I expect I should.” With that, he sulked away. “You OK with this, Inara?” Zoë asked. Inara looked directly into Zoë’s eyes. “No, I’m not. Not at all. But he needs looking after, doesn’t he?” “That he does, Inara, that he does.”

Later, in Mal’s bed, he lay there looking at her, the way he loved doing. “Malcolm, what are you thinking?” “Nothing, really.” “Tell me.” “You handed me a letter the last time I saw you. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve read it?” “Malcolm, I am so sorry for that, I can’t imagine how I must have hurt you, and I never meant to do that, never.” “Well, it’s been a couple of months now we’ve been waving one another, and I’ve had a lot of time to think about this.” He closed his eyes and breathed deep. “I’m here to hand you my heart, Annabelle. Here it is. Throw it down and step on it if you must. There is no man in this whole damn ‘Verse can love you like I do. You cannot imagine what I would do for you--” “Malcolm--” “No, please, let me finish. I’ve had a lot of miserable nights alone in the dark to think about this. I don’t want to live in my life if you are not a part of it. The last time you left a hole in me that nothing could fill, and I can’t go through that again. “I want to take you away from here, Annabelle, you and your Jared, and I want to make us a family. “Say the word, Annabelle, and I will leave Serenity and settle with you somewhere, anywhere, I don’t care, we’ll find a way, but please just let us be together.” “Oh, Malcolm,” she said, touching his face. “You are such a wonderful man, you have such a wonderful soul, and I do love you.” Mal already knew this was going bad. He knew it, and ever bit of him wanted to run away from this scene, run as fast as he could. “Just tell me why,” he said. “While we were apart, I met a man and fell in love with him.” Mal felt his heart drop down to his nethers. He couldn’t believe this was happening. It was just so. Fucking. Wrong. “We are leaving for the core in a month, but I just had to be with you one more time, I had to see you and touch you once more.” “Well, I wish this would have been brought up when you waved me two months ago.” “I didn’t know it would turn so serious, so fast like this.” “You know, if I had a half a brain between my ears, I’d tell you to get the hell off my gorram boat, but I can’t do that.” He felt the tears welling up in his eyes, and did his best to will them down. “Please don’t do this to me again, Annabelle. Just come with me. Please! We can be out of atmo in twenty minutes, I promise. Just you, me, and Jared.” Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a man who had beheld violence and horror beyond most men’s imaginations, was begging, and he didn’t give a damn. This was worth begging for. She was crying as she put her clothes back on. “Please, Malcolm, someday stop hating me.” And she was gone. And he was alone. He slowly put his clothes on, picked up the letter she had given him all those months ago, and walked to Serenity’s loading bay. He didn’t really know whether to cry or throw up, and imagined he would do both before the night was out. He felt like a massive failure, that the best he could offer of his heart was less than some other man. He had to visualize this perfect woman in another man’s arms, taking another man’s love. He hung his head in utter moral defeat at the thoughts he was destined to tonight. Mal picked up a comm and told Wash “Put us in the air.” “But I thought--” “I said put us in the fucking air!” Zoë was on the bridge with Wash. “Don’t mind him, honey. It’s a bad night.” “The same person as last time we were here?” “Yup.” Wash mumbled in Chinese. “Yeah, I pretty much feel that way too, hun.” They took one another’s hand and watched each other, grateful to be together.

Mal watched they bay doors close, and as he turned, he crumpled the letter and let it drop behind him as he walked away. He didn’t see Inara standing behind the mule, nor did he see her come out and take the letter. She opened it and read.

Dearest Malcolm, I will never be able to thank you for the way you came into my life, or for the impact you made on me. No man has ever made me feel so loved as you have. I hate myself for the fact that I cannot feel the same for you. I will always love you as a human, and as a lover, but I cannot give my heart to you. I’m sorry, so very truly sorry to tell these awful things to you. I tried to love you as you love me, but it just isn’t there. I hope you find the woman who will take your heart, and give you hers. Again, I say thank you for all you have been for me, and know how much I hate myself for no being the same for you. A.

Inara held the letter in her hand and walked quietly to Mal’s cabin. She wanted so badly to go to him, to give him comfort. As she came near his quarters, she could hear the sobs. She reached out and touched his door, but pulled her hand back. Did he really need to see her tonight? For that matter, did he want to be seen by anyone at all? Probably not. So he was alone, and she was alone, and they were alone together tonight on Serenity.