*** Chapter Four

“That oughtta hold her,” Kaylee said with pride. One of the instrument panels on the bridge had broken and while it was something that Wash could likely fix, he felt that Kaylee was better suited to the task. The mechanic had eagerly bounded onto the bridge and completed the repairs. She rolled out from under the panel, hopped to her feet, and wiped her hands on her jumpsuit.

“How did you do it?” Wash asked.

Kaylee talked him through the specifics of the repair, thereby convincing Wash that he could fix it himself next time it broke.

“But that’s only gonna hold her a few more times,” Kaylee concluded. “We really need a new part. Guess we can add it to the list, huh.”

Wash shrugged. “That list is as long as the back hall,” he said. “But until we get another job, there’s not much we can do about any of them. And they’re always going to take a back-seat to things such as, you know, food and water and fuel. Minor items.”

“I know,” Kaylee said, shaking her head as if to dismiss the topic. She hated dwelling on their predicament. During the past few months, the situation in the ‘verse had continued to degenerate. Serenity’s last job had been three months ago. Kaylee was now completely used to hunger gnawing at her insides; her stomach had adjusted and the pangs came less frequently. One day Kaylee had observed Jayne opening the spice cabinet, reaching the jar of thyme and eating bits of the spice by itself.

“So how’s Tess?” Kaylee asked, eager for a more pleasant topic. The question was a bit superfluous given that Kaylee, and the rest of the crew, saw the baby every day due to the close quarters they lived in. Kaylee especially enjoyed babysitting Tess whenever Zoe and Wash needed a few moments of quiet.

Inara had shipped a present for Tess to the postal station in Persephone, but the crew wasn’t near the planet and didn’t know when they would have enough fuel to stop by there.

“Oh, she’s just adorable. I think she’s going to look like me,” Wash replied with overstated pride. “Although for Tess’s sake I really hope she’ll resemble her mother instead. But I think she’ll have my nose anyway.” He paused, and added, “I can’t believe our luck in having a baby who sleeps through the entire night.”

He was, however, concerned that part of the reason the baby slept so well and cried infrequently was that she lacked energy. Simon confirmed that Tess was, like the rest of the crew now, undernourished. “That rattle you made her is quite charming,” Wash added. Tess was just beginning to grasp things in her hands. Wash added, “In fact, I kind of enjoy shaking it myself when I get upset!”

Kaylee smirked at the thought of Wash using the rattle, and she crossed her arms, adding, “I guess we all gotta have our outlets. Though I don’t really get some people’s outlets.” Her last sentence contained a particular fervency.

“What do you mean?” Wash asked lightly, glad Kaylee was finally hinting at whatever was bothering her. During breakfast it had been pretty clear that the normally unrestrained Kaylee was trying to harness her emotions, and that today they were not pretty ones.

Kaylee sighed audibly. “It’s Simon!” she admitted, not surprising Wash in the least. “He never tells me when he’s upset at me. You wanna know how I found out?? Last night River walks into engineering and starts talkin’. I had no idea what she was yammerin’ about ‘till I realized she was repeatin’ what Simon was feelin’.”

“Really?” Wash asked. “Was he mad at something? Something you did?”

Reticence suddenly overcame Kaylee and she started to feel unsure that she wanted to share all the details with Wash. “A lil bit of that an’ a lil bit of him being worried ‘bout somethin’. But I ain’t even upset so much ‘bout what it was that was botherin’ him. I’m more upset that he keeps it to himself!”

Wash nodded sagely. “You’ve got a good point. For a relationship to do well, you need to be able to talk to each other about everything. Well, not every single thing but the important things anyway.”

“I know! But Simon thinks he’s bein’ all gentlemanly or somethin’ by not tellin’ me what’s eatin’ him. And heck he probably thinks I talk too much ‘bout this stuff. And worst of all,” Kaylee shook her head, “is that it took River waltzin’ in to engineerin’ to tell me that somethin’s up with him.” “This isn’t the first time River’s been the go-between in your relationship,” Wash observed.

“I know. An’ it’s gotta stop. We’re ruttin’ pathetic if we gotta have an 18 year old girl help us talk to each other!” Kaylee declared, though she herself wasn’t actually that much older than River. She paused and asked, “So, what about you? Does Zoe open up to you?”

“Heck no! Getting her to talk about how she feels is about as easy as outrunning an Alliance cruiser on half-engine strength.” Wash smiled and added, “I’m just kidding. She talks more now, though it definitely does not come naturally or easy to her. But she has always taken our relationship seriously from the moment we first got together, and that helps a lot because she knows she needs to talk through things with me even if she prefers not to. And I think Simon takes your relationship seriously too, which may be why he doesn’t want to tell you directly when something’s bothering him. That whole he-think-he’s-showing-respect thing.”

Kaylee nodded, considering his words. “He probably ain’t tryin’ to be chun. He just ain’t sure what to do.”

Wash shrugged. “Why don’t you try to talking to him? Tell him about River’s visit and how much you’d appreciate it if he’d discuss those things with you. Just don’t assume the worst about him for not talking to you. I think it’s just one of those things about how a rich young man was brought up.”

Kaylee once again nodded and said, “I’ll talk to him.”

An instrument panel beeped. Wash looked at it and frowned.

“A communication?” Kaylee asked, looking at the panel. “From….oh,” she said, her face now mirroring Wash’s frown. “From Loster’s Moon. Tianna.”

“I think maybe I’ll not answer it.”

The Captain entered the bridge. “Not answer what?” he asked. He then directed his eyes to the panel, as the instrument sounded once more.

“Gonna at least see what the hundan wants,” Mal decided. “He might have a job for us – a reasonable one.” Mal did not need to explain himself further. Loster had proposed an outrageous deal with the crew last time, but in the past he had given them legitimate (by Serenity’s standards) jobs. And their diminished food supply served as a constant reminder that they needed work.

“Captain Reynolds! So nice to see you’re still flying and not too far from my sector,” Richard Loster smiled as his face filled the viewscreen. “We don’t see that many ships pass by here anymore. Hey, did you hear about Captain Markova and her crew?”

“No,” the Captain replied flatly. He had known Markova as their ships used to compete for jobs. While the two crews were not friends, they weren’t enemies either.

“I heard about it from some traders. Her ship, the Haakona, got attacked by pirates. Not Reavers, but pirates. Some really awful folk too. They took the ship, all their cargo and supplies, they raped all the women – including the captain, which I can’t believe given that she’s such an ugly old pofu. They left a few survivors on Higgins’ Moon. Maybe they like leaving survivors so they can tell the tale and send the message to be afraid. Anyway, it’s a damn shame. Her crew was supposed to be bringing me some supplies, and they had a companion on board too who I was going to buy for a few nights.”

As Kaylee felt an intense sensation of dread and nausea overtake her, Mal looked calmly back at Loster’s image. “How did the pirates overtake the Haakona? What tactics did they use? Do they have weapons on their vessel? Do they use stun gas? What sort of ships they flyin’?”

Wash was furiously scrolling through the Cortex. The report, which had been posted within the last few hours, was vague on all of Reynolds’ questions and provided no useful information.

Loster grinned and shrugged. “You might say that I know some of that information but maybe I’m not yet ready to share it.” His eyes appeared to shift and Kaylee shuddered. She could tell that he was looking directly at her.

Mal digested those words. He hadn’t given up on trying to acquire some answers from Loster, but decided to take a different route. “So you didn’t get the supplies that Markova was bringing you? You got any jobs for us, Loster? We could use some work.”

“Yeah, you and every other living being in the ‘verse!” Loster said, cackling at his words and delighted to not be in the same predicament as others. “Nah, I don’t have any jobs for you. Commerce is pretty slow lately and the supplies Markova had for me were just toys and other things for playtime.” He sighed pointedly and said, “Tough times in the ‘verse. You all look like you’ve lost some weight. But, hey, my offer from before is still on. I’ll still trade you half a crate of A-grade food stuffs for a night with Kaylee or Zoe.” He leered at the mechanic as she spoke the last sentence.

“Bi zui, Loster,” Mal said.

“Oh come on, Reynolds! I haven’t been laid in like eight months now. A man’s got needs!”

“You’re lookin’ to get ‘em met in the wrong place.”

“You really can afford to turn this down now?” Loster asked incredulously. “I’m shocked; you must have more supplies than you’re letting on. Okay, tell you what. I’ll trade you half a crate plus all the information I know about the pirates. That’ll make your ship more safe.”

“Don’t you ever contact my ship with this gou pi again,” Mal demanded, before he flipped a switch and ended the conversation.

Mal, Wash, and Kaylee all looked at each other awkwardly. Kaylee had a faint blush on her cheeks as she said, “I’d best get back to engineering.”

For a second, it looked as if Mal would let her go quietly. But he gently took his mechanic’s arm and said, intently, “Kaylee, I want you to forget about Loster’s offer. Hear? You didn’t hear any gorram offer today.”

Kaylee was frozen for a second, and then nodded mutely. Mal said, “That’s good, mei mei.”

As Kaylee plodded towards the hall, all three knew that the offer wouldn’t soon be forgotten. Nor would the fate of the Haakona’s crew.

When Kaylee had left, Wash said quietly, “Damn that bastard. The least he could do is tell us what he knows about those pirates.”

Mal skimmed the cortex report, as Wash said, “Not much helpful information on there.”

Mal nodded at the brief report and said, “I’d fly us to Higgins’ Moon right now so we could find out exactly what happened from the survivors themselves, but we don’t got enough fuel to get us anywhere near there.” He paused and added, “I’ll talk to Zoe and Jayne. See what we can do to bulk up our defenses.” They had other weapons, but the most powerful one -- Vera --- had been sold months ago to purchase fuel.

“How’s our supply of ammo?” Wash asked, knowing the answer.

“About the same as our food supply.”

*** Once again, Simon found himself expressing a sentiment that the Simon of five years ago would have never imagined.

“Can’t we just steal his supplies? Why doesn’t the captain plan a raid on Loster’s Moon and take the goods?” the doctor asked.

Book poured himself a cup of the warm water that now served as the crew’s only tea. He sat on Simon’s other side and shook his head. “Loster has a lingren jingyi defense system. Many have tried to break it and all have failed.” As always, the preacher had done his research.

“We actually looked into what it would take to disable it --- last time he had us on a job couple a years ago,” Kaylee added. She was staring at her water and stirring it with a finger. “It would take equipment that Serenity don’t got and can’t make, and a computer genius like Mr. Universe too since the minute the grid senses it’s bein’ tampered with, it re-sets everything. That’s what got the last crew tried to bust through.”

“He has ground troops too,” the Shepherd continued. “Several of them are former Alliance, very tough. For three weak soldiers to go up against it would be suicide.” He paused and added, “Of course please understand that I mean no offense in referring to the captain, Zoe, and Jayne as weak.”

“We’re all weak now,” Simon stated. “Uh, physically weak. It’s a matter of fact.”

Jayne entered the dining room and asked if the others wanted to begin a card game. Kaylee declined, but the others accepted.

“I’m gonna lay down in my bunk,” Kaylee called to the others. Her head pounded with the thoughts that assaulted her mind.

*** River sat on the floor of the cargo bay, absentmindedly fingering a few dice and cards. She wanted the game of a few hours earlier to continue, but the others had disbursed.

“There you are,” Simon called, descending the steps to reach his sister. “I was wondering where you went off to.”

River didn’t return his cordial greeting and only continued to gaze as she ran the dice against her fingers and palms. As Simon sat next to her, he took in the sight and knew that River was not having one of her better moments.

“Are you alright?” he asked, tenderly.

“We’d be back there,” she said, staring at some indiscernible object across the cargo bay. “You would. There’s food on Osiris, and safety -- if you’re rich. And we were. You left all of that because of me. You wouldn’t be a bug clinging to a leaf on a rushing river heading towards the waterfall and about to fall over!” she said, speaking the last sentence rapidly and ending it in a loud crescendo.

Simon was silent as he allowed River’s words to be absorbed. “Mei mei,” he began, his voice just above a whisper, “we’ve talked about this before. Where I am meant to be is with you. I won’t lie and say that life on Serenity is easy or fun. But,” he said, squatting so he faced her and taking her shoulders in his hands, “if living on Osiris meant leaving you with the Alliance, then I would take this life over Osiris. Any day, without hesitation.”

River shook her head and looked her brother directly in the eye. “It’s my fault that you’re here. That you don’t have enough to eat.”

“It’s not your fault,” Simon said, his voice strong and passionate. “It’s not your fault the Alliance imprisoned you and did horrible things to you. It’s not your fault that we had to go all the way out here to get away from them.” He paused and took a breath. “Besides, there are plenty of things on this ship that I like better than Osiris, and I think you feel the same way. We wouldn’t have met Kaylee without all of this, and we both love her.”

Encouraged by a semi-enthusiastic nod from River, Simon continued, “And it’s…it’s nice sitting around that table having dinner with everyone.” Simon smiled and added, “Even though there’s not much to eat and even though I could do without Jayne sometimes.”

But Simon looked at River again and saw that she was lost, once more, in her own thoughts and own world. “It’s not easy for him either,” she said, gazing into the distance again. “He always has to be the caretaker of others.”

“It’s okay. I’m a doctor, a healer. I think that taking care of other people is just one of the things I was meant to do. Like dancing is for you. Or astrophysics.”

Simon had meant his words to be taken seriously, but River scrunched up her face, realizing that she hadn’t done astrophysics for a while and it had lost some of its charm. She started to laugh.

Unsure of what else to do and glad that River seemed stable, Simon shrugged and laughed too.

*** Wash had rigged a pulley-like device in which they could place Tess and gently lower her from the main hall into their bunk. Both Wash and Zoe were ones to take risks, but not when it came to their daughter; they didn’t want to chance one of them tripping while descending the ladder with baby in tow. Once inside his bunk that night, Wash removed Tess from the device and placed her safely inside her snug crib.

Moments later, Zoe entered the room. She headed straight for the crib and eyed the baby. Slowly she touched one of her fingers to Tess’s delicate skin.

“She’s so quiet,” Zoe whispered.

Wash swallowed and tried to beat back the fears he’d harbored during the past several months. “She was such a kicker when she was in the womb.”

“I remember. Vividly.” Zoe’s pained eyes were still on the baby. Her mouth was dry. She finally decided to verbalize the fear that festered inside. “Guess there’s a chance she might not make it.”

The words were now out in the open. The terrifying possibility, which had been mulled over and contemplated for weeks, had now been spoken aloud.

Wash stood next to Zoe and put his arms around her. “She might.”

“Not if we don’t get more food though,” Zoe said quietly. She returned the embrace, putting her hands over Wash’s. “She ain’t sick at all – which is a miracle. She just ain’t gettin’ enough to eat. I ain’t producin’ enough milk.”

“Maybe I could change my food rations again. I could just eat every other day.”

As Wash said the words, Zoe shook her head. “We can’t cut your food anymore than we already did. No sense in you dyin’. Or in you bein’ too weak to remember how to fly the ship.”

She turned her head to look at her husband. His blue eyes didn’t sparkle the way they used to and his skin was sallow. “We gotta do somethin’ or we’re gonna lose Tess,” Zoe said. “Hell, might lose all of us in a few more weeks we don’t get more food.” Zoe spoke the truth. At the paltry rate the crew was consuming their food, there would be none left in just under three weeks.

Wash’s blood chilled. He knew it was not a coincidence that Zoe was bringing this up on this very evening.

He began slowly, “You can’t possibly mean….” and allowed his voice to trail off.

“I think we gotta consider it,” Zoe said evenly. “The thought makes me sick. But we might not have a choice.”

Wash suddenly felt weak. He backed away, towards the bed, and seated himself on the edge. Zoe followed him, sat next to her husband, and grasped one of his hands.

“It ain’t a decision I’d make by myself,” Zoe continued. “I’m married to you and I wouldn’t do this unless you agreed to it.”

Wash kept his gaze squarely on Tess. He nodded, just to show Zoe that he was listening.

“We ain’t had a job in months,” Zoe continued, despair in her voice. “We ain’t gonna get one. We ain’t even passed a planet that’s had supplies for weeks, and we’re runnin’ outta fuel. Loster’s got food and fuel.”

Wash slumped his head into his hands. This was maddening, it was disgusting, it was horrifying. He then squeezed his eyes shut and forced his mind to concentrate. As horrific as it was, the possibility of losing Tess was even worse. And given what Zoe’s role in this would be, if it came to that, Wash began to realize that he would not be the one directly experiencing the very worst of it. Several moments of silence passed.

He slowly turned his head towards his wife and met her eyes. “It’s your decision,” he whispered. “Whatever you do, I love you.”

Zoe took a breath. She was not one for long-windedness but she had a lot, by her standards, that she needed to communicate. “I know that I don’t gotta ask this stuff but I’m gonna,” Zoe began. “If I go through with this, you still gonna know that I love you? You gonna understand that I don’t wanna do it, don’t wanna break our vows? You gonna…” Zoe nearly choked on a shred of her dignity and quietly finished, “…take me back?”

“God Zoe, I’d sleep with that bastard myself if I could spare you from having to do it!” Wash said fervently. “And you know damn well that the answer to all your questions is yes.”

Zoe nodded. “I know. But I wanted to say it and ask it anyway.”

Wash pulled Zoe into a tight hug. They held each other close, sitting motionlessly on the bed for several minutes. Finally Zoe broke off the embrace and went to look for Mal.

*** Zoe found her captain on the bridge. They greeted each other and Mal continued to look at the map. They had visited nearly every inhabited planet and moon that was within reasonable distance, and none had jobs. Most didn’t have adequate food or water for their own populations.

“I was reckoning that maybe we oughta head over to Daedalus,” the captain said. “Their mine was in decent shape last we checked. Maybe we can get work there. They might need more guards. Or miners. It ain’t the kinda work we’d like but I’ll take anything that’ll get my crew fed.”

“We don’t got enough fuel to get there,” Zoe stated. Wash had discussed that with her in detail, several days ago. Daedalus was far away. Even if they tried to finish the journey by drifting, their chances of reaching the place were about zero. And setting the ship to drift in a ‘verse with pirates flying freely was not a smart idea either. Furthermore, Zoe doubted that Mal’s rosy prediction about the state of the mining operation would prove accurate. Last the crew had heard, the Daedalus mine operated without basic safety precautions and experienced casualties every week.

She began anew, “Captain, I’ve decided to take Loster up on his offer. I’m gonna bargain hard with him, make him give us at least two crates and some fuel. And tell us everything he knows about the attack on the Haakona.”

Mal opened his mouth though no words came out. Her decision was shocking and, for a moment, he was truly speechless. Another surprise came when she didn’t allow him to verbalize his thoughts.

“Sir, I’d appreciate if we didn’t discuss this much. The decision’s mine to make and it’s final.” She paused and continued to look steadily at his eyes. “This don’t make me a whore. I’m doin’ this to keep my baby alive. And the rest of the crew.”

Mal’s face remained frozen. He finally blinked and responded, saying each word slowly, “I would never – ever – use that word to describe you,” he whispered.

Zoe nodded and was ready to get down to business. “Let’s wave him.”

Loster’s Moon was about three or four days away.

*** Jayne knew better than to leer at Zoe or to say anything on the topic. The crew took their next meal together, as they always did, and Jayne avoided eye contact with Zoe as he chewed on the meager rations. He had a few ideas of what he would do if he had Loster’s money but he wisely kept those thoughts to himself.

Guilt and shame haunted the dinner table. Various crew members felt guilt that soon they would be eating more food. Their bellies would soon stop moaning and most of the crew was not going to have to directly sacrifice anything for it.

Kaylee felt guilty that she would not be participating in Loster’s offer. When Zoe and the Captain had negotiated with him, he had offered more crates in exchange for Kaylee’s attentions as well. Not a word was spoken to Kaylee suggesting that she agree to it, but Kaylee felt silent reproach pointing at her, though most of it was her own. She had to force back tears. When they didn’t quiver with fear, her insides felt filled with dirt.

Jayne looked at Kaylee’s face and, for a moment, reconsidered his notions of what he might do if he had lots of money.

Mal felt embarrassment at being a man. Growing up under the caring tutelage of his mother, surrounded by ranch hands but without a father, he had heard of and seen many of the things his gender inflicted upon the other. His blood boiled and shame increased at thoughts of what his first mate – the most loyal and competent first mate a captain could wish for --- would have to endure.

Simon’s thoughts were not unlike Mal’s. Additionally, he felt extreme and inexplicable relief that Kaylee would not be partaking in Zoe’s grim work. Needless to say, the thought of River doing so had never been at all considered.

Although she had never even exchanged a word with Loster, River felt -- deep inside her bones -- that she somehow was being cheapened and degraded.

Book knew he would be saying many prayers during the next few days. He would pray for Zoe, for Wash, for their marriage (though he had every confidence the bond would endure), and for their daughter. Most of all he prayed for Loster. God worked in strange ways, Book believed. Perhaps at the last minute Loster might have an epiphany and decide to share his rations with the crew without asking for this in return. The preacher was not holding his breath, but anything was possible with God’s help.

Zoe kept her head held high and an imaginary mask over her features. When she snuck glances at Mal and the others, her shell nearly cracked. They felt her agony, and she knew it. She was the first to leave the dinner table, with her husband close behind.

“God, Wash,” Zoe whispered when they were alone. “Weren’t for you lovin’ me, I’d be crazy by now.” She suddenly despised the vulnerability in her voice even as he pulled her into his arms and murmured that he loved her.

*** Kaylee tinkered around the engine room. Focusing on Serenity’s shabby parts and their needs felt even more soothing today. Serenity may have been old and in desperate need of upgrades, but she also was predictable and kind to her crew.

Kaylee heard gentle footsteps approaching. “Are you coming to bed?” Simon asked softly.

“I’m gonna hang here for a while,” Kaylee answered. She forced a smile in her lover’s direction.

“Is there…something with the ship that needs looking after?” he asked, standing next to her and eyeing the machinery that Kaylee was working on. She had given him a few brief tutorials on Serenity’s workings. Simon and Kaylee’s areas of expertise were quite different, but both had exceptionally keen minds and enjoyed hearing about the other’s specialty. “That’s the grav boot, right?” he asked, pointing.

Kaylee nodded. “That’s it. An’ no, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with Serenity tonight. I just kinda feel like hangin’ out here. I don’t wanna keep you up. You go on and go to sleep. I’ll sleep in my own bunk so’s I don’t wake you when I turn in.”

Simon furrowed his brow, wondering if he would ever be able to understand Kaylee. “Kaylee, honey. You’re not avoiding me, are you?”

She shook her head. Simon persisted, “I ask because I can tell that something is on your mind. A-and I’m concerned, because it’s not like you to keep it all to yourself. So, I, uh, wanted to ask if you felt like talking about things with me.”

Kaylee turned to face him directly, removing her gaze from the machinery. “Why?” she asked. “You don’t never confide in me when somethin’s up.”

Simon instinctively stepped back and grimaced. For such a sweet and loving human being, Kaylee could sure whip out a knife and stab at one’s vulnerable spot when she wanted to.

“River paid you a visit yesterday, didn’t she?” Simon acknowledged. He knew this because she had also paid her brother a follow-up visit.

“Simon, I just don’t see why you can’t go to me an’ tell me what’s on your mind. It ain’t like I bite! And if we don’t get to talkin’ and workin’ stuff out, we’re gonna end up like my brother and his wife who didn’t even talk to each other at the end, just stayed together ‘cause they had a baby…” Kaylee’s voice broke off because it started to tremble. She herself was shaking slightly.

Simon extended his arms and pulled her into a warm hug. He soothingly said, “Kaylee, I promise to try to do a better job in confiding in you. I’m not used to talking about these things. I’m not used to being in a relationship at all, but I will try my best to change this.” He paused slightly and then said, “I think, though, that this isn’t what’s really bothering you right now, is it?”

Just as Kaylee could use her words as weapons, Simon could latch onto an insight that reached to the heart of the matter. She slowly, and hesitantly, pulled away from the hug.

Simon continued, “Are you more upset about Loster than about me not confiding in you?”

Kaylee’s body still trembled, and she slowly shook her head. Simon nearly stepped back when he saw the look of terror on her face. “I’m most worried ‘bout the gorram pirates,” Kaylee admitted.

Simon inexplicably felt his face grow warm as he silently berated himself for missing the obvious. “Oh. Of course,” he stumbled.

He then opened his mouth to say some reassuring words, but closed it again. What could he say? Serenity was a sitting duck in this vast, cold blackness. Danger hovered, holding its breath and waiting, while all the crew could do was cling to each other in this lifeboat as they were buffeted by forces beyond their control. Simon lived in a ‘verse where the two people he loved the most could be bartered over like chattel or subjected to unimaginable violence, and he was virtually powerless to defend them. He hadn’t been able to protect River from the horrors at the hands of the Alliance, and didn’t think he could protect her again. He couldn’t even think of anything reassuring to say to Kaylee.

If Serenity encountered the pirate vessel, their only hope would be to outrun it. If the pirate ship had weapons, they were in deep trouble. If the pirate ship could overtake Serenity and force its airlock open, Serenity would be in deep trouble. If they had many fighters – which a pirate ship was certain to – then Serenity’s fate would again be sealed no matter how valiantly its exhausted crew might fight back.

“I, uh, I wish I could say or do something,” Simon stammered.

“An’ I wish I was Zoe. Or Inara. Zoe’d be all ready to fight and not crumbling and weak. Inara’d be calm and cool. She wouldn’t be hurt by all this crap with Loster.”

As Simon walked with Kaylee back to her bunk, his arm around her shoulders, Kaylee slowly began to calm. He cuddled next to her on the slim bed and she found his strong arms a consolation, albeit a small one. Nothing, however, could completely erase the sick feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach when Kaylee thought about the possibility of a pirate attack.

*** Wash sat on the bridge. Loster’s Moon was less than 48 hours away now. He idly scrolled through the Cortex, hoping to seize upon some item that would occupy his mind and help sideline all the ugly thoughts that swarmed inside.

His hand trembled slightly as it held a device. He set it down and tried to focus again on the Cortex. He squinted. The words appeared blurry and no matter how much he tried to concentrate, his mind wandered. He couldn’t wrap it around any of the information he glanced at.

Wash took a deep breath. `Maybe I should talk to Book,’ he said to himself. He and the preacher had never worked on building the most solid rapport; they had not bonded the way Book and Jayne had. Wash momentarily shook his head in wonderment over the fact that Jayne had a better relationship with Book than he did. But he felt that talking to the older man might prove helpful. Book possessed strong listening skills and wisdom. He could serve as an outlet for some of the pilot’s inner turmoil.

In less than two days, his wife would be selling her body to another man in order to buy food for the crew. The bastard Loster would be able to do whatever he wanted with Zoe, and Zoe would need to choke down her disgust and deal with the degradation. Wash felt his body heave.

Meanwhile, their baby grew weaker with each day. Last time Kaylee had babysat Tess, the mechanic had walked away with a quivering lip. She obviously thought that the baby’s days were numbered. Would Tess even survive the journey to Loster’s?

Wash’s head felt dizzy and light. During their last meal, Zoe had not protested when he had placed his entire ration on her plate. Wash now clenched a fist and then released it quickly. He tried to drop his anger and not let it overwhelm him. He loved Zoe, loved the baby but he had not wanted to have a baby just yet. He had let Zoe talk him into it, knowing that it was not a good time to bring a new life into the ‘verse. Zoe had argued his point, stating that there would never be a good time, that this was her dream, and he had (indirectly, anyway) consented in theory to the idea of parenthood when they got engaged. His adoration of his wife had overcome his judgment and now they had a malnourished daughter. And a very hungry father too, one who at times felt glad that the crew would soon have more food regardless of what Zoe had to do to get it.

Wash shook his head, deeply shamed at his thoughts, particularly that last one. ‘This is what desperation does to a man,’ Wash speculated. He loved Zoe and always would, but his hunger was amplifying his anger tenfold. This only increased his shame.

‘I’ve got to talk to Book,’ Wash resolved. `Maybe I’ll seek him out and see if he can come up here right now. Book will be reasonable, he’ll keep my confidence, and he’ll give me another perspective. He’ll remind me that it’s just hunger and exhaustion that are making me so mad.’

But then Wash shut his eyes and thought he saw stars behind his eyelids when he thought of Loster and what Loster would soon be doing with Zoe. He tried to shrug it off. `It’s a rough ‘verse,’ he told himself, still seeing fireworks behind his eyelids. `Other people indenture themselves and work like slaves in a mine just to earn a meal. This isn’t any different.’ His thoughts lapped themselves. `It’s a lot different, actually.’

Wash dimly heard footsteps and commotion behind him. “Are you ruttin’ deaf??” Mal screeched as he bounded onto the bridge. “How long’s that proximity alarm bein’ goin’ off??”

“Shenme?” Wash asked, still feeling lightheaded. His ears perked up and he willed them to focus. It did seem as though now he could hear an alarm vaguely in the distance.

Zoe and Jayne also reached the bridge, and watched Mal fervently pressing buttons on the panel.

“What is it?” Zoe asked. She stood behind Wash and placed a hand on his shoulder. As she entered the bridge, she had seen the dazed look on her husband’s face and knew he was suffering the effects of starvation. She resolved to be stronger, for him. She gently squeezed his shoulder.

Mal’s face drained. “It’s the Haakona,” he breathed. “Markova’s ship.”

“I thought Markova got hit by pirates!” Jayne demanded, puzzled. “Thought they took her gorram ship and left the crew stranded.”

“They did,” Mal said, as the hairs on the back of his neck rose. Jayne quickly came to understand the meaning of Mal’s words, and complete dread pumped through the veins of the crew. Even Wash started to shake himself out of his overtaxed daze, and his weariness was rapidly replaced with terror.

“They spotted us?” Zoe asked. As usual, her face betrayed none of her emotions.

Mal pressed a few more buttons. “They’re on a direct intercept course.”

The other ship was approaching rapidly. As Mal set Serenity to bolt, Wash began to recover his senses. He punched a few buttons and Serenity picked up additional speed.

“How fast’s that ship?” Jayne asked.

“Markova’s ship was always a lot faster an’ shinier than Serenity,” Mal said. The other captain often bragged about her vessel. Mal opened the intercom to reach Kaylee and let her know that Serenity needed to move with all of her speed.

As fast as Serenity moved, the Haakona kept right on it. The gap between the two ships rapidly narrowed.

Suddenly, another warning rang out from the sensors. The ship rocked violently as it was hit from behind. The Haakona had been outfitted by pirates with new weaponry. Serenity’s engine room took a hit as alarms began to blare. The pirate ship continued to advance on Serenity.

A gravelly voice rang out over the communications panel. “Unidentified ship. Surrender and prepare to be boarded.”

*** TO BE CONTINUED

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