BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

TAMSIBLING

No Harm
Saturday, November 11, 2006

Pre-Series or beginning of the BDM. Simon POV. What was he thinking while he was talking with Doctor Matthias, before rescuing River?


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2741    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

A/N: I just watched the BDM again (like, just watched) and something about it always bothered me: how did Simon hold it together while he was watching River being tortured before rescuing her?

Here's what I think may have been running through his head.

This is a stream-of-consciousness, not beta'd piece of fic, so please keep that in mind. Also, written in first person which is a bit different for me.

Any feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated!

***

No Harm

***

I am a doctor; a surgeon. I took an oath along with all my colleagues, even the ones in this room, an oath that clearly states “do no harm.” But I want to. I want to kill them.

It’s not a passing moment of rage, not a burst of anger that will fade. This is a deep-seated fire that has been curling in my belly for a few years now. For the past three years, as I’ve learned a little more each day about what these doctors, my peers, are doing to my baby sister.

They should die, they deserve to. River is … she’s screaming and shaking and I can tell she’s injured. I can only imagine the mental anguish she’s suffering. There’s another oath I’ve heard, more of a code actually – “an eye for an eye.” I wish that was the one I had sworn to uphold.

Doctor Mathias is talking again. I should be listening, but his voice boils my blood. I’m actually glad for the scepter I’m carrying and the gloves covering my hands. No one can see my white knuckles from the death grip on the disguised weapon. He’s not worth such anger; he’s only a puppet, a cowardly man, who has to torment my sister in order to validate himself. He brags about Parliament and high-ranking officials as if it can justify what he’s doing. As if their pats on the head and nods of approval can excuse what has happened to River.

I should kill him. I could do it, my anger is pumping adrenaline into my system and it gives me the confidence I need. But I’d never get past the other techs milling about. In the end, my act of revenge would only serve to end my life, leaving River writhing in that chair with needles sticking out of her head until she finally falls unconscious and never again wakes up.

I won’t take that chance. I haven’t done all this to throw it away on a fit of revenge. I won’t. River is worth more than that. River is all that matters. I’ll do what I came here to do; get her out, take her away, keep her safe. I will leave these pseudo-physicians to their torture and the hell that awaits them when they pass on from this world.

I want to kill them. I won’t, but it’s not because of that foolish oath. It’s because today I’m not a doctor, I’m a brother and killing these men won’t save River. And my need to save her far outweighs my homicidal desires.

I want them to bleed, to scream, to writhe. I want them to feel pain. And worst of all, I want to be the one to inflict it. But I will do no harm.

COMMENTS

Saturday, November 11, 2006 6:22 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Damn straight, TamSibling! The crew might mock him for piss-poor job of acting the Core dandy buyer during "Jaynestown"...but he actually stood 5 feet from a man whom any person who's ever grown up with siblings would slowly and gleelfully strangle to death without flinching. Now that's acting and that's thinking of the greater good when it came to River.

Also, you gotta wonder how haunted Simon got afterwards, knowing he was mere moments away from lowering himself to the standards of Dr. Mathias by killing the hundan and how fellow doctors put aside their oaths and their duties to harm a living being with seemingly no guilt. I would be having nightmares that would make the Devil wet his pants if I was in Simon's position:(

BEB

Saturday, November 11, 2006 7:20 PM

BLACKBEANIE


You captured Simon's dark side and portrayed it briliantly.
Bravo

Sunday, November 12, 2006 6:07 AM

LEIASKY


I think I may faint. You wrote something - SHORT?!

I like this in that it says in a few short words how seriously Simon takes his profession. As a doctor, he saves lives, he doesn't take them.

And he's smart enough to keep his cool and realize that if he did kill those men, he would have died in exchange - and he would fail to save his sister.

Well done.

Sunday, November 12, 2006 7:30 AM

AMDOBELL


Wow, that was so perfectly Simon. You have done a beautiful and masterful job, thank you! Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Monday, November 13, 2006 5:14 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I really liked this little snippit of Simon's thoughts during those tense moments. Very good character voice.


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