A/N: The next installment and there is more angst to be had. Hang on!

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta and thanks to all of you for your awesome feedback!

***

Best Intentions, ch. 8

***

“Sir, you can see her now.”

Simon glanced up sharply at the nurse’s small voice and he followed her quickly, Inara on his heels as they made their way to Kaylee’s room. It had been an excruciating wait, but Simon found the short walk was almost more unbearable. With concern churning in his gut and acid bile burning his throat, he stopped outside the room the nurse indicated. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and closed it securely behind himself before taking in Kaylee’s unconscious form.

The lights were dim in the room and as Simon moved towards her, he could make out the violent red cuts and bruises that marred her perfect face and arms. One of her legs was wrapped in a thick white cast covering her all the way from her foot to her hip bone. Simon approached her side, rounding the bed, and gently, gingerly, he took her hand in his being careful not to put too much pressure on the bandages that were no doubt covering more cuts and stitches.

Gazing at her face, he saw the large pad of white gauze they’d placed to her scalp covering the hole he knew they’d had to drill into her skull to relieve the pressure there. Brushing the backs of his fingers against her forehead with the barest touch, Simon sank slowly into the chair at the side of the bed, his hand still over hers and could only stare. Kissing the exposed tips of her fingers, he murmured, “I’m here, Kaylee. I’m right here. And I’m not leaving you, ever again.”

Looking up to her face, he hoped, prayed that she’d open those eyes, but he knew that was days in coming, if ever … Shaking the thought away, he blinked his eyes rapidly as he felt a few tears cloud them, and then said quietly, “I love you, Kaylee, so you have to get better, all right? I’m not going anywhere.”

And then, not having the strength to say anything else, Simon held her hand to his lips and simply stared, willing her to wake.

***

“Where is my gorram contact?” Mal was fuming, that was plain to Zoe as her captain paced up and down the open ramp, stopping every five steps or so to again glance over his shoulder. He was constantly scanning the crowd looking for the man who would come and relieve him of the crates in his hold. He wanted to get back in the air, wanted to head for Sihnon at full burn and get to Kaylee and Inara’s sides. But now, he was stuck, waiting for some lousy hun dan to get his act together.

Zoe kept her mouth shut, knowing that an ‘I-told-you-so’ at this very moment would be bad. She had warned Mal when he’d called over a week ago, excited about the prospect of another job that would net them a lot of coin that it was not a good idea. Edward Serra was not a man who would be inclined to do them any favors. But like the rogue he was, Mal had waved away her concern, telling her they’d been in plenty of pinches before and survived Serenity Valley – as if she needed the reminder. No doubt they could handle anything good ol’ Eddie could throw at them.

But then Kaylee had been injured and Inara had called and now every minute was one more that kept him from the two women he loved most in the ‘verse. With a sigh, Zoe told him quietly, “I’m sure he’ll be here, sir.” She didn’t really believe that, but she figured it was the best reassurance she could offer.

Whirling on her, she watched as Mal’s blue eyes blazed with anger and helplessness – a deadly combination. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I know. I just gotta-“

“Malcolm Reynolds.”

The deep and authoritative voice set Mal more on edge. Turning at the sound, he saw the complement of four Alliance guards at the bottom of his ramp and muttered a string of Mandarin curses. The guards were not brandishing their weapons, but they were definitely present to look menacing and discourage Mal or his crew from doing anything stupid. Realizing the looks they were getting from some of the ships surrounding them, Mal hurried down the ramp to greet the man who’d spoken, an officer standing in the middle of the troopers, hoping to chase him off quickly; the last thing he needed was his contact getting spooked.

“What’s the problem, officer?” Mal asked, trying to keep his tone light, even as his heart thudded against his rib cage. He really hated authority.

“We need to see a manifest for the cargo you’re carrying,” the young officer told him. The kid couldn’t have been much older than River, but Mal had to admit he was holding it together pretty well. Much more accomplished officers had wilted under the fierce stare Mal was favoring him with now.

“Why?” Mal questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and continuing to glare.

Cocking an eyebrow at him, the officer pursed his lips. “Captain Reynolds, maybe I’m not making myself clear. My men and I are not used to being questioned. Now, bring me the manifest.”

Impressive. “I don’t know if-“

“Sir.”

Mal turned at the sound of Zoe’s voice and saw that she was holding out the datasheet to him that no doubt listed their cargo. Taking it with a quick grab and a look of annoyance that she had acquiesced so easily, Mal turned back to the young lieutenant and thrust the paper forward with his most mocking grin. “Here ya are.”

Taking it, the man handed it off to one of the guards and they conferred in hushed tones for a few moments. Glad that Jayne and River were both hidden, just in case they might need some back-up, Mal tried to keep his heart from racing at the thought that Zoe might have been right; Edward Serra might have been less than truthsome about this little arrangement.

“Just as I suspected,” the young officer said softly. Turning back to Mal with an almost sympathetic gaze, he told him, “These goods have high import tariffs, were you aware of that?”

Taxes, great. “No,” Mal said succinctly. He knew they had a bit of money from the last job and the initial upfront coin from this one. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. “What kind o’ tariffs we talkin’ about?”

“One thousand platinum,” the man told him, not flinching even as Mal basically choked.

“One thou-thousand?” he breathed, doubling over to catch his breath. “You gotta be kiddin’ me. We don’t got that kinda coin.”

Smirking at him, the officer said, “I suspected not. Well, until you can scrounge it up, your ship is landlocked and those goods stay where they are.” Motioning to two of his officers, the men took up positions on either side of the ramp.

His eyes wide with incredulity and a bit of rage, Mal told him, “Look, I ain’t sayin’ you ain’t nice boys, but you leave your men here and I ain’t got no hope o’ gettin’ paid. You’re gonna scare off my contact.”

Frowning at him with no real concern, the officer mocked, “Oh that would be a shame.” Shoving the datasheet back to Mal, he said, “I suggest next time you take a job, you do your homework, Captain Reynolds.”

And with that, the man stalked away, the two other guards following at his heels in clipped precision. Mal watched him go, his jaw hanging open, his eyes wide. Once they were no longer visible, he shot dirty looks to both of the soldiers they’d left, noting that neither man was even going to deign him with a look.

Zoe could only shake her head. Watching as Mal whirled and stalked back up the ramp, he muttered as he passed her, “This deal is gettin’ worse all the time.”

***

Three days and there had been no change in Kaylee’s condition. Her brain activity and her heart rate were still well below normal, keeping her body locked in the coma. She could not breathe on her own and Simon hated to see the tube sticking from her mouth. Her lips were cracked and dry and he hated that too; Kaylee should never look like this, she was too beautiful, too special to be so damaged.

He had not left her side since that first moment; he had vowed not to ever again, and he meant it. She was his world; that was plain to him now, even if it wasn’t plain to her; he would just have to spend the rest of his life convincing Kaylee of that fact.

Inara entered the room on silent feet and regarded Simon as he held Kaylee’s hand to his cheek. She watched with tears in her eyes as he brushed a shaky hand through her hair and then leaned down to place a gentle kiss to her forehead. Inara was so relieved to know that her mei mei had found a man so loving and tender as Simon; she just wished that they both could move past this pain and start living their lives.

Clearing her throat slightly, she got Simon’s attention. When he turned to face her, favoring her with a small smile, Inara gasped. She knew that Simon was not sleeping, barely eating, but the hollowness of his features and the haggardness of his appearance shocked even her. Going to him, she placed a light hand to his shoulder and said quietly, “Simon, you need to get some rest.”

Shaking his head, he told her, “I’m fine.”

Turning him to face her, she fixed him with a hard glare and said firmly, “You are not fine. You need to get some sleep, eat something, take a shower. You need to be healthy for when Kaylee wakes up.”

She watched as his eyes darted back to Kaylee’s face and he again sat in the chair at her side. With a resigned sigh, Inara knew it was foolish to waste her breath trying to prod him from the room; there was no way he was leaving Kaylee now. Moving to go, she told him, “Fine. If you won’t leave, then I’ll bring the food to you. And you’ll eat it.”

Just as he was about to favor her with a grin and a ‘thank you,’ the monitors beside Kaylee started beeping and whining in protest. Simon’s eyes shot to them quickly, reading them with ease. Looking to Inara, he told her, “Get the doctor, now.”

As she rushed from the room, Simon looked back to Kaylee, searching for something he could do to help her. The pressure in her brain was rising again and it had caused the activity to drop dangerously low; that’s what had prompted the beeping. Just as he was about to rush into the hall and ask why the nurse and doctor had not arrived in the split second it had taken him to panic, Kaylee’s body started to convulse. In the throes of a seizure, Simon could only grab her arms, trying to keep her steady, knowing that any amount of jarring was more than dangerous.

With tears burning his eyes as he watched her writhe under his strong grasp, Simon heard the nurses rush into the room. He knew what they were doing, but he didn’t watch them – he could only watch Kaylee. He knew they were pushing more drugs into her system, giving her something to control the seizure. He knew they were checking her vitals, watching the monitors, determining next steps. As Kaylee’s body again stilled, Simon released her, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

“Doctor Tam?” Doctor Butler’s voice was a deep, comforting rumble and the younger man turned to face him as the nurses kicked the breaks off Kaylee’s bed and started to wheel her towards the door. Simon went to follow, but Eli placed a firm hand on his shoulder. When the boy’s blue eyes were again on his face, he said, “The pressure in her brain is building again. We need to take her back in for another surgery.”

Simon nodded and then rushed past the doctor, hurrying down the hall to Kaylee’s side. Taking her hand again, he walked beside the gurney until he had to let go and watched as they wheeled her through those double doors.

Eli caught up to him, and smiled kindly. “We’re going to do everything we can, Simon,” and then he hurried to prep for surgery.

With dead eyes, Simon watched the man disappear and then he sank into the nearest chair, his head falling into his hands, his heart thudding so hard against his rib cage he was certain it would burst from his chest.

Inara rushed into the waiting room and saw Simon. With tears of her own in her eyes, she moved to his side and sat down, placing a light hand to his shoulder; and together, they waited.

***

She had been in surgery for four hours when Inara decided she couldn’t take the silence anymore. Turning to face Simon, who had not moved in the time Kaylee had been in there, she asked quietly, “What would you have done?”

Raising his eyes to regard her quizzically, he asked tiredly, “What?”

“When Kaylee had told you she was pregnant,” Inara elaborated, still haunted by the thought that her friends had lost a child. “What would you have done?”

“Married her,” Simon said automatically, not having to think about it. “Of course, she probably would have refused me, saying that I only wanted to get married because she was carrying my child.” His eyes again focused past Inara to another time and place, and she had to wonder what exactly he was thinking about. She watched him stare for a moment and then her eyes widened in shock as Simon reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. Holding up the small black box for her to see, he said quietly, “But I was going to ask her anyway.”

“Oh Simon,” Inara breathed, rushing forward to sit at his side. “She’ll be thrilled.”

“If she ever wakes up,” he said bitterly, turning the velvet covered case in his hands. Blinking back a few tears, he said, “I bought this just before we came here, with my share of the McNamara job.” He remembered fondly sneaking off the ship, getting River to distract Kaylee so he could wander to the jeweler’s by himself. He’d come back on board so excited, he had thought he wouldn’t be able to wait and ask her. But he’d wanted it to be special. “I wanted to ask her on our six month anniversary,” he continued, not at all sure why he was recounting the story. “I knew there had to be somewhere on Sihnon that would be special enough, and then we found your parents’ rose garden and I thought, ‘yup, this is it.’” With another sad smile, Simon handed the box to Inara and asked, “You think she’ll like it?”

With a shaky hand, Inara took the case from him and opened the hinged lid, inhaling sharply. It was small, Inara knew much smaller than anything Simon would have wanted to buy, but it was also perfect, beautiful and simple, just like love should be. “She’ll love it, Simon,” Inara told him truthfully, more tears in her eyes. Closing it with a snap and handing it back to him, she placed it in his palm and closed his fingers around it. “You can ask her when she wakes.”

“She liked the sterling roses.” Simon continued in a soft voice as if he hadn’t even heard her and Inara simply listened. “She was immediately drawn to them. And I thought, well of course, they are the rarest rose, why wouldn’t Kaylee find them beautiful? One unique blossom attracted to another,” he said wistfully, his eyes focusing on the ring box and nothing else. “I thought, in my old life, I could have filled Kaylee’s room with them, filled the ship with them for her, but now … now I could barely afford to buy her one.” He finished quietly, his voice tinged with a bit of disgust and it made the lump in Inara’s throat rise.

Still staring at the small case in his hand, he told her, “We fought about staying on Sihnon.” If Inara was surprised by this admission it didn’t show and so Simon continued. “Doctor Butler, he offered me a position here. Basically, he offered me my old life back. The life where I could give Kaylee everything she could ever want.” With another sigh, he opened the ring box to stare at it and then snapped it closed again. “But she didn’t think she could fit in. After the day she spent with your mother and family, she was terrified that she’d be alone if we moved somewhere like Sihnon, and terrified that if we stayed on Serenity I’d just be miserable.” Looking to the swinging doors where he knew the doctors and nurses were fighting to save Kaylee’s life, he added, “So now, when I actually could fill her room with roses, it might not matter.”

Reaching over to take his hand, she told him, “Simon, you know Kaylee would take one single flower from you any day over a room full of roses from someone else.”

“Then why did she run?” The question was soft, barely above a whisper and Inara’s heart broke for the young man. They had discussed it before of course, while they’d been searching for Kaylee, but Inara knew Simon still could not fathom how the love of his life could so easily leave him.

“Why do you think she ran?” Inara asked, hoping that maybe if Simon reasoned out Kaylee’s motivations for himself, he would finally accept them.

Shrugging slightly, Simon placed the ring box back in his pocket and sat back in the chair, his head tilted towards the ceiling. “She thought she wasn’t good enough for me.” With a small chuckle, he turned to Inara and asked, “Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Her not good enough for me? If anything, it’s the other way around.”

Inara wanted to protest his statement, but she swallowed the words, waiting for him to finish. “I mean, isn’t it obvious?” he asked rhetorically, again turning his eyes to the ceiling. “I made her run, I made her think that she wasn’t enough and now she could die. I’m not good enough for her.”

Taking Simon’s hand and grasping it firmly, Inara forced his blue eyes back to her face. Sadness was one thing, pity something else entirely. “All right, now you listen to me, Simon,” she said, her voice commanding. “I know a little something about denying yourself love and you know what? It’s foolish and selfish.” As Simon’s eyes widened and the protest formed on his lips, Inara barreled ahead. “It is, Simon. It’s selfish; because it keeps you safe, keeps you from feeling, keeps you from loving with everything you have. That’s not how Kaylee lives her life and it’s not how you should either.” Pausing, she watched as he digested her words and then she continued. “I’m not saying Kaylee running was a good idea and I’m not saying that you don’t deserve her. You are good for her, Simon, for the very simple fact that you love her, for who she is, not who you think she could one day be. Do you have any idea how rare that is?”

Simon nodded once, having a slight clue. “But I can’t keep her safe, Inara,” he told her in a whisper. “I couldn’t keep her happy.”

Shaking her head firmly, Inara said, “No, Kaylee wouldn’t let you keep her happy. She started listening to her head and not her heart and that was her mistake. And one you’re going to have to be committed to never letting her make again.” Reaching out a light hand, Inara placed it against Simon’s stubble-covered cheek and told him, “With everything we’ve seen and experienced, no one knows better than us how fleeting and precious true happiness and love are. Don’t let your doubts and insecurities keep you from holding onto it. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.”

Simon swallowed thickly and held Inara’s kind gaze for another moment, before dropping his eyes to his lap. “She has to wake up,” he said quietly, his voice broken by the emotions he was trying to keep hidden.

Leaning back in her chair, Inara kept a hold of his hand and said quietly, “She will, Simon. She will.”

***

Eli had just come to inform them that Kaylee’s second surgery had been a success and they could see her again in a couple of hours when Edward and Lili showed up. Simon’s eyes, which had been sad and hollow, immediately burned with rage. Brushing past the doctor and cutting him off, he stalked towards the two interlopers and asked harshly, “What are you doing here?”

“We came to see how Kaylee is, son,” Edward told him, reaching to place a hand on Simon’s shoulder, which the younger man jerked away from violently. “We feel terrible that she’s in such bad shape.”

“You feel terrible?” Simon asked incredulously, his arms hanging at his sides, his fists clenching and unclenching in his anger. With a cold look that made Lili shiver, his eyes darted between them as he said, “You should feel worse than terrible. You should feel responsible. Kaylee could die because of you.”

His voice had risen in volume, his eyes still blazing with anger and Inara joined him at his side, her own hard gaze burning into her parents. “I think you should leave,” she told them harshly, doing her best not to slap her mother again.

With a sympathetic look that might have been sincere, Lili reached for Inara’s hand. “Please, dear, let us try to make amends. This was all such a horrible accident.”

“An accident?” Simon bit out, his voice no less deadly as he took another step towards them, “Explain to me how setting Kaylee up to humiliate her, forcing her to run was an accident. And maybe in the process you can explain to me who she was trying to avoid when she darted out into traffic.” His eyes shooting between the two of them, Simon could not tell by their reactions if his suspicion was accurate, but it didn’t matter; he suspected, in his gut that it was. “Something tells me you know a little something about that too.”

Inara’s eyes widened and she glared at her parents. “Tell me you didn’t,” she breathed, stepping towards her mother and taking her firmly by the shoulders. The older woman cowered in her grasp. “Tell me you didn’t try to scare Kaylee away.”

“We didn’t,” Lili said lamely, her voice a whisper and Inara released her with disgust.

“Do you have any idea how many lives you’ve ruined?” Inara was yelling now, not heeding the warning looks Doctor Butler gave her as her voice rose in volume. “Do you? Do you take pleasure in it? In causing others pain?” Stepping forward again, Inara whispered vehemently in her mother’s face, “Destroying my life all those years ago just didn’t cut it, did it, mother? You’re not content until you’ve taken control of everything.”

“I didn’t destroy your life, Inara, I saved it,” Lili spat back, refusing to be intimidated and blamed any longer. She may be culpable for some of what happened to that country bumpkin, but she had not caused the child to flee; the girl’s self-esteem had done that all on its own. “What would have become of you if you’d stayed with Jeremiah? If you’d raised your daughter? You were seventeen. You’d have been a laughing stock, a disgrace. I saved you from that humiliation.”

“By causing me more,” Inara shot back, taking a step back as her eyes burned with barely contained hatred. “By making me crawl back to you and father with my tail between my legs; by making me beg you for help.”

“Well, maybe if Jeremiah hadn’t been so easy to manipulate you wouldn’t have had to beg,” Lili retorted, her hand flying to her mouth as she realized her mistake. Ten years; for ten years she had kept that secret, and now it was out.

“What did you say?” Inara’s chest was heaving as her anger rose and she felt her eyes burning with rage and tears. “What did you do, mother?”

“We paid him off, Inara,” Edward interjected, his voice calm, resolute. “We gave him a handsome sum of money and told him he was never to contact you or look for your child. And he took it.”

Inara fell back a step as this information hit her. She sank into a nearby chair as her legs gave out and Doctor Butler moved to her side, taking her hand as the girl had gone incredibly pale. Simon looked to his friend and then back to her parents. He didn’t fully understand all of what had just transpired, but he’d heard enough. “So, is it children you don’t like then?” he spat, his anger and sadness over losing his own child welling in his chest. “Kaylee lost a child, my child, because of the accident. So congratulations, it seems you can add homicide to your rap sheet of bribery and extortion.”

Lili’s eyes welled with tears at his words and Edward unconsciously wrapped an arm around his wife’s shoulders. She turned her head into his shoulder wondering where all of this had gone so terribly wrong. She had never before considered herself a bad person, just protective. All those years ago, she’d only been looking out for her daughter’s future, just as she had been when Inara had again fallen in love with the ‘wrong’ man. How could protecting her child end up causing so much pain?

“We are sorry, son,” Edward said finally, his voice low. Simon’s chest still heaved with intense anger and the man did feel sympathy for him.

When silence again filled the room Simon held Inara’s parents in his gaze, his eyes blazing with anger. Coldly, he told them, “Get. Out.”

“No, wait.” Inara’s voice, stronger than she expected reached them and they both stopped to regard her. Rising, Inara steadied herself against the arm of the chair and walked towards her parents with all the stature and posture she’d ever been trained to use. “You’re not leaving until you start to try and make this right.”

“We’ve already apologized dear,” Lili said quietly, sinking back against her husband under Inara’s hateful gaze. “What more do you want?”

Eyes blazing, Inara let her gaze rest on her father as she said firmly, “Money.” As both of her parents’ jaws dropped open in shock, she continued. “You will pay for all of Kaylee’s medical bills as well as for any treatments and medications the doctors prescribe while she is healing. You will rent the grandest apartment you can find for Simon and Kaylee to stay in once she’s deemed well enough to leave the hospital and rent one for Mal and myself as well as the rest of the crew if they decide to take some shore leave off the ship once they return.” Both of the older adults swallowed hard, but only nodded and Inara continued. “You will pay Kaylee and Simon an as yet to be determined sum for damages. Not that any amount of money can make up for the loss of a child, but you can damn well try.” Glancing to her friend, Inara told him, “We can discuss the figures later.” Simon nodded, his own jaw dropping open at Inara’s demands; not that he wouldn’t take the money but even he was slightly surprised she was so brazen.

“Ah, Inara, dear, about Mal,” Edward said quietly, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

Her eyes blazing even more, Inara asked, “What about him, father?”

With a heavy sigh, he recounted the set-up, telling his daughter, who continued to fume, that Serenity and her crew were landlocked on Ariel until they coughed up the tariffs. Laughing at the childishness of it all, Inara added that money to her list of demands. “Pay it off, immediately, and send Mal enough money to refuel. He needs to get back here and be with Kaylee.”

Edward nodded and was about to speak again, when Doctor Butler moved forward and touched Simon’s arm. “I think it’d be all right if you went to see Kaylee, son,” he told the younger man. It had only been a half an hour or so, but Eli knew the boy needed to get out of the room. And based on everything he’d just heard, dwelling on all this gou shi wasn’t going to do anyone any good. The young man needed to focus his concern on Kaylee.

Simon nodded once in thanks and then looked to Inara. She nodded to him and he squeezed her arm before turning to leave, glaring at Edward and Lili as he brushed past them. Eli took his leave as well and then it was just the small family in the waiting room. Glaring at her parents, Inara’s chest continued to heave with anger and taking a deep breath, she finally told them, “There is one other thing you will do.”

Once she’d given her last instruction and they had turned to go, Inara sank again into the nearest chair and dropped her head into her hands, sobbing.

***