A/N: Well, I have returned from the "Flan-that-wasn't" and I have so many things/memories/recollections that I want to share. As soon as I can write about it coherently, I promise I will post something.

Here is the final chapter of my current series, Best Intentions. I'm not sure what I'm going to post next and honestly, with the holidays coming and my cross country move right around the corner (I'm going to California, baby!), I may have to just post a few one-offs and save the rest of my series for the new year.

I also am still debating whether or not to write a sequel to this series. I feel it ends in a good place, but there are a few loose ends I could play with ... bwhahaha!

Enjoy and please comment - I know you will - after meeting over 200 Browncoats this weekend I have come to realize that we are one of the best fandoms in the world. You guys are awesome!

And, of course, thanks to Leiasky for continuing to beta even when I know how busy she was - she's more than awesome - she's amazing!

***

Best Intentions, ch. 19

***

The following week was the longest week of Inara’s life. She had shut herself away from Kaylee and Simon, coming up with various excuses to keep them out. She knew the minute Kaylee had called that the younger woman knew of Mal’s predicament. She had let Kaylee tell her briefly what had happened and then abruptly ended the wave, feigning an excuse.

So now, she moved through her days by rote, her muscle memory the only thing that propelled her forward. She attended an opera one night and cried throughout it, glad that the story was sad and the theater dark. Even if her spies were watching her, there was a legitimate excuse for her tears.

She barely ate, not noticing as her stomach hollowed out from the lack of food. Her skin had stopped glowing and her features were more and more haggard with each passing day. But Inara kept moving forward, knowing that it was almost over, knowing that in just another day she’d be free of the Guild and free again to love Mal entirely.

As she sat in the hallway outside the committee’s chamber to give her final statement, she looked up at the sound of footsteps. Simon and Kaylee approached her slowly, and Inara rose to greet them. Not waiting for an invitation, Inara squeezed her friend tight and whispered to her, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant, mei mei. I just couldn’t.”

Kaylee blinked back a few tears. “It’s okay, ‘Nara,” she answered back, holding her friend fiercely. “I understand. Jus’ think, it’s almost over.”

Inara could only offer her a half smile, before the door opened and the attendant called for her. Squeezing Kaylee’s hands and offering a nod to Simon, Inara entered the room. Her friends followed, taking seats that lined the wall so they could watch the proceedings.

Striding resolutely, her back straight and her posture refined, Inara went to the lone chair in the middle of the room and sat on it, maintaining her perfect posture. With clear eyes and her most convincing and emotionless mask firmly secured to her features, she waited for it to start. And did not wait long.

“Inara, you are here to receive the final ruling on your petition for resignation. Is that correct?” Laylin was again leading and Inara nodded to her, noting that the other woman’s face seemed tenser than usual. Dismissing the thought, Inara answered, “That is correct.”

Leaning forward, the priestess clasped her hands in front of her and softened her expression just a bit. “First of all, Inara, this committee and the Guild would like to thank you and your family and friends for the cooperation and assistance you’ve provided in the past two months. It will not be forgotten.”

Inara nodded again, finding her anxiety rising. She just wanted this to be over with.

Sitting back, Laylin continued. “That said, we do have a few more questions that we’d like you to answer before we make our ruling.”

“Of course,” Inara told them, her voice even. “Please proceed.”

Nodding once, Laylin looked to her right and nodded to the woman there. Sitting forward it was she who addressed Inara this time. “Miss Serra, when did you first begin renting a shuttle on the Firefly class transport, Serenity?”

Glad that she had her training to keep her steady, Inara’s features betrayed nothing as she answered, “About three years ago now.”

“And what were the terms of your arrangement?”

“That I would have full autonomy; the shuttle I rented would be my home, as well as the place where I would conduct my business. It was agreed that Guild-approved planets would be a common destination so that I could continue to work.” Pausing, Inara added, “Oh, and that I would not be servicing any of the crew.”

Nodding once, the same woman asked, “And who did you enter into this arrangement with?”

Steady eyes, steady voice, serene face. “The captain. Malcolm Reynolds.”

Nodding again, the woman’s eyes drifted down the table, past Laylin to the third committee member. As the woman sat forward and Inara shifted her attention, she again waited. “And what is your relationship with Captain Reynolds?”

Damn, they knew. Her face still placid, Inara answered, “What relationship? I rented a shuttle from him, that’s all.”

“Is it?” the woman asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. Reaching for a small remote on the table, she pointed the device to a screen to the side of their table and Inara’s chair and the blank canvas flickered to life. And there on the screen was Mal’s face. Inara watched with a blank stare as they replayed their wave from almost two months ago.

As the recording ended, the woman looked to Inara. “I ask you again, Inara, what is your relationship with Captain Reynolds?”

“Strictly business,” she answered firmly, her insides quivering, her heart pouding so loudly she felt certain they could hear it.

The inquisitor held Inara’s gaze for a moment and then dropped her eyes to the table in front of her. Referencing a sheet of paper, she said, “You recently took a six month sabbatical. Why?”

With a small sigh, Inara said, “As I documented when I requested the leave, the crew of Serenity and some of my friends had just suffered a major trauma. I need time to grieve.”

“And where did you do this mourning, Miss Serra?” The woman’s voice was growing more scathing by the moment and it made Inara bristle against her will.

“On board Serenity. Surrounded by my friends,” she said.

“With Captain Reynolds?”

“He does own the ship, so he was there, yes.” Inara let a bit of her exasperation show. If they weren’t going to accuse her of anything, then why the show?

“What if I told you Captain Reynolds was dead?”

It was a low blow, and Inara felt it, low, in her gut. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear a few sudden tears, trying to regain her voice. After taking a few deep breaths, she asked, “Is he?”

Having watched her reaction closely, the other woman pursed her lips and answered, “No.”

“Tessa, that’s enough,” Laylin hissed, her disapproval for the woman’s tactics plain. Looking to Inara with a sympathetic expression, she said, “I’m sorry, Inara. That was uncalled for.” Her hard eyes again looking to the woman on her left she asked, “Do you have any other relevant questions?”

Tessa’s lips were still pursed together, her face full of disgust. “Just one, priestess,” she said, her voice again friendly and quiet. Leaning forward she asked Inara, “Miss Serra, what does Captain Reynolds mean to you?”

“In what way?” Inara asked, stalling for time. She didn’t have a good enough answer for that.

“Let’s not play games, Miss Serra,” Tessa scolded. “I think you’ve been playing this committee and the Guild for quite some time now.”

“Tessa,” Laylin again said angrily. “I’ll hear no more from you today.” However, even as the other woman quieted, Laylin did turn back to her old friend and said, “Inara, you will need to answer the question.”

“What does Captain Reynolds mean to me?” Inara repeated, getting a nod from Linny. Not wanting to give Tessa the satisfaction of knowing she had ruffled her, Inara fixed the woman with her harshest look and said resolutely, “Nothing.”

Inara heard Kaylee gasp audibly at this admission, but she kept her eyes focused on the three women before her. She would not be intimidated by them; not anymore.

With an imperceptible nod of the head, Laylin signaled the attendant to bring someone else into the room. Inara kept her eyes forward, determined not to let them get to her. However, she couldn’t resist sneaking a glance and the moment she did, she wished she hadn’t. Mal was entering the room, Zoe pushing him in a wheelchair. He looked terrible, his skin pale, his features worn and Inara wanted nothing more than to jump up from her seat and hold him fiercely. But with learned restraint, she kept still and waited again.

As Mal was rolled near her, but out of her reach, Zoe, along with River who had also come, took seats beside Simon and Kaylee. Inara did her best not to stare at Mal, but she couldn’t help it; he’d been gone from her for two months and she’d almost lost him completely. The bullet could have easily pierced his heart.

“Captain Reynolds,” Laylin addressed him and Mal turned sluggish eyes to her. “We appreciate you attending this hearing today, despite your injury.”

He nodded once, but did not speak, did not even try to look at her and Inara felt her stomach fall to her feet.

“You heard Inara’s testimony?” Linny asked the question and Inara’s eyes shot to her face. Tears welled again as she realized Mal had heard every word. How could she have said it?

Again, Mal nodded, but did not speak. Knowing that she shouldn’t, Inara still continued to stare at his profile. She wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to profess her love for him. Biting her lip, she swallowed a sob as Laylin asked him, “Captain Reynolds, we’d like to know. What does Inara mean to you?”

Inhaling sharply, Inara’s eyes flew back to the committee’s table before again resting on Mal. He finally turned to regard her and the detachment there, along with just a hint of pain broke something lose in Inara. Rising, she said carefully, “I’d like to say something.”

“Inara, Captain Reynolds must first answer the question,” Laylin informed her, gesturing for her to resume her seat.

Shaking her head swiftly, Inara told her, “No, he doesn’t. It doesn’t matter what his answer is.” Looking back to him she admitted, “Because I love him.”

All eyes in the room fixed themselves on Inara as she took a few steps forward and stood at her full height in front of the three Companions. “I’ve been killing myself over the past two months, trying to pretend that I’m leaving the Guild of my own free will, that I’m ready to move on. Well, I am, but I’m ready to move on with Mal.” Turning to face him, she saw that his mouth had turned up into one of those sly grins and the look warmed her heart. Again focusing on Laylin, she said, “I actually thought that if I pretended not to be in love with him, that it would be all right; that I would still deserve him. But that’s a lie.”

“Loving someone means loving them all the time, good, bad, inconvenient and otherwise. I cannot sit here and pretend that I don’t love him, pretend that he isn’t the reason I want to leave. Because I’m tired of pretending.”

With a weary sigh, Inara moved back to Mal’s side and knelt next to him, placing a light hand to his cheek. Whispering, she said, “I’m so sorry, ai ren.” Tears were welling in her eyes and she hated it, but she couldn’t stand to think of not being with him. “Please forgive me.”

He reached out a hand to her face and gently wiped away a tear as he said, “Well, I guess maybe I could let it slide, just this once.”

Smiling widely at him, Inara acted without thinking, kissing him fiercely before leaning forward, her lips brushing against his ear. “You almost died, Mal,” she choked out, her hand running lightly over his bandaged chest.

“Yeah, but I didn’t, darlin’,” he reminded her. “’Cause I knew you’d kill me if’n I did.”

She giggled a bit at his joke and Mal knew he had never heard a better sound. The two of them stared, lost in one another for untold moments, before Laylin finally called attention back to the matter at hand. With Mal’s hand still held firmly in her grasp, Inara stood to her full height beside him and faced her friend. “We are ready to rule.”

Inara shook her head, taking a hold of Mal’s chair. “It doesn’t matter,” she told her. “You don’t own me anymore.” And with that, she left, her friends, her family, following and her heart free.

***

There was quite a bit of commotion after the hearing, everyone following Mal and Inara back to their apartment, feigning over the captain’s injury. Mal was in and out, the drugs coursing through his system making prolonged consciousness impossible.

Simon followed Inara into their bedroom as she and Zoe had gotten Mal to rest. Their friend checked his wound, noting that despite the no doubt rudimentary equipment they’d had at their disposal, he was healing quite nicely. Turning to Inara, Simon squeezed her arm and told her, “He should be just fine.”

Inara smiled her thanks to him and watched him leave, Zoe moving to follow. “Zoe,” Inara called, getting the other woman to turn and face her. Swallowing hard as those big brown eyes settled on her face, Inara told her, “I’m sorry for being so rude when you called. I really thought my reasoning was sound; that it was for the best.”

Zoe held her gaze for a moment more and then nodded to Mal’s sleeping form on the bed. “Funny, that’s exactly what he said when he heard your testimony. ‘She’s doin’ it for a reason’.” Watching as Inara’s eyes widened at this statement, Zoe nodded once and then left the couple alone, ushering the rest of the crew out to give them their privacy.

Inara wasn’t certain how long she stood in the middle of the room staring at Mal. She watched as his chest rose and fell steadily, watched as he eyes moved under their lids in the midst of R.E.M. sleep. Finally, something propelled her forward and she found herself at Mal’s side, her fingers running through his hair. They had removed his shirt so Simon could better examine the wound and Inara’s hand rested over the white bandage now. It was so close to his heart, the bullet should have killed him.

Feeling a few tears well in her eyes, Inara was valiantly trying not to cry when Mal’s eyes fluttered open. Taking a minute to bring her into focus, he asked sluggishly, “Am I dreamin’?”

Smiling at him, relief filling her heart, she rested a hand to his cheek and said, “No ai ren, you’re not dreaming.”

“Huh,” he said, turning his face towards her. “I don’t know, feels like I might be dreamin’.” Pointing to his lips, he said, “You better kiss me, so’s I can be sure.”

She smiled wider at him, loving his playfulness even when he was doped up on painkillers. Leaning down, her hair brushed against both sides of his face as she pressed her lips to his softly. After a long moment, she pulled back, her tears now falling steadily, her eyes studying his face.

“Hey now, I don’t wanna see any o’ those,” he told her, trying to wipe at her face and having no luck. “I ain’t that bad a kisser.”

“Would you stop trying to make me feel better?” she asked, doing her best to stop crying. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Why? ‘Cause you tried to claim you don’t love me?” he asked, blinking again, his eyes coming into even sharper focus. “Aw, hell, if I had a credit for every time someone did that, I’d be a rich man.”

That only made her feel worse; Inara had known that Mal’s past was littered with broken promises and half-truths and she had just added herself to that list of people he could not count on. She had to make it right.

“Mal, I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice pouring forth in a rush. “I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it would be okay, that you’d never know. That I could-“

“’Nara,” he said, his voice firm. It startled her enough to get her attention and when she brought her eyes to his face, he asked her, “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she breathed easily, leaning in to nuzzle her nose against his cheek.

“Then why we still talkin’ ‘bout this?”

Mal’s confounded tone told her it was all right, and Inara had never felt more relief. Lying down beside him, she rested her head on his good shoulder and whispered to him, “Talking about what?”

Smiling another goofy grin, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured, “Now you’re gettin’ it,” before he again drifted off to sleep.

***

A few weeks later ...

***

With a raised eyebrow and a dubious expression, Mal regarded the scene in his engine room, before turning the same look to the woman at his side. “I’m not so sure ‘bout this guy, mei mei.”

A small sigh escaped her lips, but Kaylee turned her most adoring eyes to her captain as she reminded him, “He was the best mechanic we interviewed. He passed all your tests an’ mine an’ he even survived meetin’ Jayne.” Mal grinned a bit, remembering the introductions. Kaylee had a point; despite Jayne’s gruff demeanor and monosyllabic responses, Serenity’s new mechanic had not flinched.

Kaylee followed Mal’s gaze, observing the blond-haired boy who was buried elbow deep in her engine. No, wait, it wasn’t hers anymore. With a patient smile, she looped her arm through Mal’s and rested her head against his shoulder. “Don’t worry none, Cap. Rafe’ll do a good job. I know it.”

Mal leaned his cheek against her soft hair for just a moment, before turning with her and walking towards the galley. “Are you sure ‘bout this mei mei?” he asked again for about the tenth time that morning. “’Cause if’n you’re not, I’ll kick that little rascal off, no questions asked.”

Smiling wider, Kaylee paused in the middle of the dining room and turned Mal to face her. With an imploring look in her eyes, she said quietly, “Be happy for me, Cap, please?” As his gaze softened, she added, “Me an’ Simon gotta good thing here. I think it might work.”

“I knew I never shoulda let that doc on my boat,” Mal grumbled, winking at her to let her in on the joke.

Laughing lightly, Kaylee again took his arm and reminded him, “Yeah, well if’n you hadn’t you’d be dead ‘bout five times over by now.”

Mal shrugged lightly and then mumbled, “Still,” causing Kaylee to giggle again. At the happy sound, Mal could no longer pretend he wasn’t thrilled for her. Kaylee deserved to be happy; happier than any of the rest of them at any rate, and if staying behind on Sihnon with Simon could do that for her, then he’d just have to get on board. As they stepped out onto the catwalk in the cargo bay, Mal paused to look at her. “I am happy for you, lil’ Kaylee,” he told her truthfully, placing a light kiss to her forehead before wrapping her into a hug. “Jus’ real sad for me.” With a look up to the rafters, he sighed again and added, “An’ for my boat.”

Kaylee chuckled against his chest and tipped her head up to look at him. “Don’ you worry none. Rafe’ll take care o’ you an’ Serenity.” Narrowing her eyes, she confided, “An’ if’n he don’t, you jus’ tell me, an’ I’ll take care o’ ‘im.”

Chuckling at her, Mal again pulled her tight and said, “That’s a deal, mei mei.” Standing together for a moment, both sets of eyes were drawn to the scene below, Simon and River talking in hushed voices near the open cargo bay ramp. If the two of them could have heard what the siblings were saying they would have been quite surprised to find their conversations almost identical.

“I’m not sure about this guy, mei mei,” Simon confided, his blue eyes full of brotherly concern and protectiveness.

Placing a hand to his cheek, River could not quell her own happiness. “But I am, Simon,” she reminded him, her eyes lighting with joy. “He’s nice and young and smart,” pausing as Simon’s eyes clouded for just a second, she amended, “Not as smart as you, but still, smart, and-“ River paused, her eyes this time lighting with something a bit more primal than joy. “And he’s yummy.”

Frowning slightly, but not really upset, Simon told her, “That’s it. You are not allowed to hang out with Kaylee anymore.”

Laughing at him, River threw her arms around his neck and whispered, “Don’t worry about me, Simon. I’ll be okay.”

Holding her back, he told her quietly, “I’ll always worry about you, mei mei.” Leaning back from her a bit, he held her gaze steadily and said, “Just please be careful.”

Rolling her eyes playfully, River told him, “Simon, I promise I won’t have unprotected sex.”

Curling his lip in disgust at the thought, Simon backed away from her, dropping his eyes to the floor. “That’s not what I meant,” he mumbled, not at all surprised when his brat of a little sister leaned forward and whispered, “Yes it was.”

His eyes back on her face, Simon found he was again smiling as he looked to her. She was happy, truly, and while Simon did not relish the idea of his sister flying around on Serenity with Rafe, this new, young mechanic who had obviously taken a like to her and her to him, Simon knew he had very little control over the matter. She was an adult, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it.

The sound of feet on metal steps brought both of their gazes to the back of the bay where Kaylee, Mal and Inara were descending to the lower floor to say their goodbyes. His eyes lighting at the sight of his soon-to-be wife, Simon knew that if it hadn’t been for this ship, or his sister for that matter, he never would have found Kaylee; he never would have been this happy.

Placing a light kiss to his cheek, River told him, “You’re welcome.”

Pulling her into a tight embrace, Simon said quietly, “I’m going to miss you, mei mei.”

Blinking back tears, River told him, “I won’t be gone forever. Have to come back for the wedding.”

“That’s right, I gotta have my new sister standing next to me,” Kaylee said as she walked to Simon’s side, taking his hand in hers. Glancing to Inara, she added, “An’ I’m gonna need my maid of honor.”

Inara’s hand firmly wrapped in Mal’s, the older woman smiled brightly and said, “Don’t worry, mei mei. We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Well, unless we get a real high-payin’ job,” Mal interjected, teasing. As Inara slapped his arm lightly, he looked back to Kaylee and Simon and told them, “Don’t you worry none. We’ll be here.”

The five of them stood in silence for a moment, no one really having any idea how to say goodbye. While it was true that Serenity would be back in a little over three months for Simon and Kaylee’s wedding, this was the first time, in almost three years, that any of them would be separated for any extended period of time. And while they had all known the day was coming, it didn’t seem to make the reality of it any better.

Simon found his eyes glancing around the cavernous room as the silence stayed between them. He saw Zoe and Jayne stride up the ramp towards them, and then looked around to see Rafe enter the room, standing a bit apart from the tight-knit crew. River flashed him a brilliant grin, which he returned sheepishly, but the young man did not venture in any farther and while none of them wanted him to feel excluded, they knew that, at a moment like this, it would pretty much be impossible to avoid.

Squeezing his hand lightly, Kaylee drew Simon’s attention back to her face. She had tears in her eyes, as he had suspected and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “You ain’t changin’ your mind, are ya?” she asked quietly, finding that all of them were now hanging on Simon’s response.

“Not unless you are,” he told her, grinning. With a slight shake of the head, Kaylee kissed him lightly and then turned to face Mal and Inara. “I’m thinkin’ it’s time for you all to be goin’.”

“And it’s time for you to begin this wonderful new life, mei mei,” Inara breathed, rushing forward and again embracing her friend.

There were more hugs, more tears, more goodbyes, more promises to wave, and more slaps on the back as this trial-forged family parted ways. It was sad, for each of them in some way, but as Kaylee and Simon finally stood on the landing platform, listening as Serenity warmed up, it was also comforting. It meant something to all of them, the whole crew, to know there were people in the ‘verse with whom they had survived more than their fair share, and only become stronger for it.

As the ship began to whine, the engine spinning faster as River took the firefly through its final lift-off sequence, Kaylee found her eyes were no longer focused on her girl. They were instead focused on Simon and his on her. With smiles and a small kiss, the two of them walked away from the place that would always be dear to them, even as Serenity pushed away from the ground and headed once again for the black.

***