BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

TAMSIBLING

The Right To Love - Chapter 2
Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Prompts 11-15. Simon-centric story told through 100 prompt table. This chapter takes place from the battle on Mr. Universe's moon and past the end of the movie. Primarily Simon/Kaylee, but heavy doses of Mal/Inara in later chapters. PG-13 for implied situations.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3137    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

A/N: The next chapter in my 100 Prompt Story centered on Simon. This will be the last update until Monday as I am heading out of town.

Link to Chapter 1

Link to prompt table.

Many thanks to Leiasky for the beta (often at the drop of a hat!).

Also, I appreciate all the comments on Chapter 1 - now, how about some shiny comments for Chapter 2?!?!?

***

The Right To Love - Chapter 2 (Prompts 11-15)

***

011. Jealousy

They didn’t have any time, none of them. They didn’t have time to mourn Wash, to grieve with Zoe, to pray for help, not a bit. As Simon prepped his gun, watching as Jayne and Zoe readied their defenses, watching as Inara, with surer hands than he would have guessed, loaded her crossbow, watching as his sister cowered in a corner, he was watching Kaylee most of all. Watching as her hands shook violently as they held onto the small gun she’d been given. Watching as her eyes grew more and more fearful as the sounds of the marauding Reavers grew closer and more violent.

He tried hastily and not very eloquently to capitalize on what he feared would be their last few minutes together, amazed as she once again forced a smile from his lips in the most dire of circumstances. And while he could only marvel at her determination to live just to hold him to his word, he also felt a twinge of jealousy for the savage men they were about to cut down.

If he had been more like a Reaver, full of action, not thought, full of doing, not debating, he could have already made good on his desire for Kaylee. He wouldn’t instead, be crouched beside her in the midst of a firefight, knowing their lives could end any minute without him ever truly telling her how he felt. He’d said he wanted to be with her and of course, she had interpreted that to mean sex, and while that was certainly true and he did not have time to debate the finer points with her, his emotions ran so much deeper than that.

As he heard their enemy raging and he again tightened his hold on his gun, he felt another wave of jealousy for these men. They acted without a thought to consequence, without consideration of the next minute, only the here and now. And while Simon did not believe that was the way to live one’s entire life, he did wish, vehemently, that he had found the courage, just once in the last eight months, to act first and think later where Kaylee was involved.

012. The Start

Simon was tired and in a lot of pain, but he was awake and he wanted to stay that way. Knowing he couldn’t possibly be on Serenity as the room around him smelled much too clean to be his infirmary, Simon blinked his eyes open against the bright overhead lights, his ears slowly tuning into the sounds around him: the soft whir of the machines that were monitoring his heart rate, his blood pressure, his pulse.

Working his tongue in his mouth, wanting to ask about his sister, about Kaylee, about the rest of the crew, Simon had a hard time piecing together the last few days. The last thing he remembered with any certainty was being shot; everything after that was a blur and trying to snap it into focus only made his head spin.

Still unable to form a sound, he wished that someone would check on him, and then he felt a hand cover one of his. Turning his head to the side, his heart beat a bit faster as he saw Kaylee’s beautiful face. As she was currently framed by the bright lights overhead, her entire face and hair shone with a halo and he was now convinced, if he hadn’t been before, that she was an angel. With new hope welling in his chest, he hoped she was his angel and he wanted to tell her so, but he still could not form words.

Watching him struggle, Kaylee rested a cool hand against his forehead and leaned her face in close to his, her hair tickling his cheek slightly as it fell against him. “Shh, it’s okay, Simon, don’t try to talk. Everybody’s okay. You’re the last one to wake up.”

Pulling back a bit from him, Simon now saw that she had tears in her eyes and he didn’t like to see that. Reaching out a sluggish hand to her face, he wanted to wipe them away. Kaylee reached for his hand and brought it up to her mouth kissing it lightly, before placing it back to his side and murmuring, “Get some more rest. The docs here said you can go back to Serenity in ‘nother day or so.”

Still holding onto her hand, Simon felt his body needing to go back to sleep. He wanted to ask her to stay, he didn’t want to be alone, not here; he didn’t want her to leave him either, ever, if it could be arranged. Tugging gently on the hand she held, Kaylee looked back to him and noted his distress. Hoping her guess at its cause was right she leaned down and brushed the lightest of kisses to his lips. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Simon. Sleep.”

Smiling his thanks to her, Simon was soon back in the land of the dreamless, his mind more at ease knowing his angel was watching out for him.

013. The End

The wind blew around them causing everyone to squint in an effort to keep the dirt from their eyes. And as Simon stood, still against the harsh breeze, he tried to make sense of a senseless situation.

He still did not understand how they could be here. How could they be saying goodbye to two of their crew and a friend? Three men who had never done anything, but befriend a bunch of ragtag misfits and try to do what was right. It seemed so incredibly unfair, but Simon was beginning to realize that fair was the wrong thing to look for in a ‘verse as big and unyielding as theirs.

He didn’t want to feel such bitterness, but he couldn’t help it. Even Kaylee’s warm presence beside him, her hand in his, her other hand gripping his forearm tightly, leaning into his side for comfort, could not quell the despair burning in his heart. And with even greater sadness he watched as Zoe moved forward, her striking figure clothed in white and standing out dazzlingly against the brown landscape around them, and lit the rocket they had made, signifying the end of her husband’s life.

It was a short ceremony, full of few words as no one, not even Jayne, could speak for long before their sadness overwhelmed them. In turns, they left, Mal walking beside Inara, his arm around her shoulders, her head on his shoulder, Jayne wandering away by himself, River moving forward to take Zoe’s hand and walk with the woman back to Serenity, until just Simon and Kaylee were left standing.

Looking to Simon’s set profile from the corner of her eye, Kaylee tugged lightly on his arm. “Let’s go, sweetie. You need to lie back down.”

Shaking his head firmly, it took Simon several moments to trust his voice. “No, I’m going to stay for a bit. You go.”

Frowning at him, Kaylee regarded him for a few minutes, miffed that he would think she would just leave him out here alone. Over the past few weeks, as Simon had continued to heal and they had all been in the process of repairing the ship, Kaylee had not left his side for more than a few minutes, even insisting on sleeping on the floor of his bunk, just in case he should awake and need something. Simon had finally managed to at least talk her into staying in one of the passenger dorms, his guilt at seeing her curled up on the cold floor eating away at him. Besides, if Kaylee were going to sleep in his bunk, he wanted her warm body next to him, but seeing as how his side was still on fire most hours of the day, that would have to wait.

So now, as he stood here, staring with anger and immense sadness at the headstones in the fading light, Kaylee simply reaffirmed her grip on his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder. “If you’re stayin’, then so am I.”

Sighing heavily, Simon rested his cheek against the top of her head and stared for a long while at the grave markers. Finally, his despair threatening to burst from him, he murmured, “I don’t understand.”

Kaylee heard his words, but did not move. Simon had been fairly tight-lipped for most of their friendship and that had translated to the past few weeks. Even Kaylee had been surprised as he’d been on a quite a few medications, but nothing so far had managed to get him to open up and she waited with anticipation to see if maybe he would now.

With another sigh, Simon murmured, “I just … don’t.”

Realizing she would have to coax it out of him, Kaylee turned to regard him and asked quietly, “Understand what, sweetie?”

“This shouldn’t have happened,” he told her quietly, his eyes never leaving the graves. “It shouldn’t, none of it.”

“Well of course not, Simon. Death don’t ever make any sense.” Kaylee blinked back a few tears, thinking of Zoe’s grief, of Mal’s, even of Jayne’s. Their little family was so broken, she feared that it might never heal. “We just gotta remember them that’s gone with happiness and love.”

“But they shouldn’t be gone,” Simon told her firmly, turning finally to face her. “It’s because of me and River that they are and that’s not right. It should have been us, it should have been me.”

With a fire lighting her eyes, Kaylee took his face in her hands even as Simon dropped his eyes to the ground. Raising his eyes to meet hers, she told him firmly, “Simon, don’t say that. Don’t never say that. You didn’t do this, the ‘Liance and them Reavers did. Blamin’ yourself ain’t gonna bring them back.”

“I know, but I can’t …” Swallowing hard, Simon tried to rid himself of the acid that burned his throat. “I can’t … I don’t know how to move on, when their deaths fall so squarely on my shoulders.”

Her heart breaking for the sadness in his voice, Kaylee’s eyes watered and she asked breathlessly, “How can you think that? You just tried to protect your sister, Simon. You didn’t set out to hurt nobody. But the ‘Liance did, them Reavers did, they’re the ones we should be mad at.”

Shaking his head, Simon fell silent. Kaylee couldn’t understand, her concern for him blinded her to his culpability. It was an endearing trait, but right now, at this moment, he wished she could just admit how very selfish he was, so he could know he was right. Stepping back from her shakily, Simon said softly, “Just go, Kaylee. Please.”

Tears of sadness and concern welling in her eyes, Kaylee held his tormented gaze for a moment more before turning and walking slowly back towards the ship. Simon watched her go, his heart heavy, his own sadness threatening to overwhelm him. He didn’t want her to go, not really, not in his heart, but he needed her to – he didn’t deserve her, not when his actions could so readily endanger the lives of others, could so easily one day endanger hers.

He had no idea how long he stayed out there. His side began to burn uncomfortably and he leaned more heavily on his crutch, which in turn only caused his arm to burn. Night had fallen and it was dark, the only light from the few stars visible overhead and the glow of the holos that they programmed at each marker. So absorbed in his own self-pitying thoughts, he didn’t hear his sister approach until she addressed him quietly.

“Shouldn’t be alone.”

Jumping a bit at the unexpected sound, Simon swiveled his head to the side and saw her intense brown eyes studying him. With a heavy sigh, Simon told her coldly, “Yes, I should.”

“No.” River’s voice was strong and when she placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder to turn her to face him, he saw that her conviction translated to her features. They were set in that stubborn look he had grown accustomed too. “Shouldn’t be, not anymore.”

“River it’s my fault,” Simon finally admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “It’s my fault they’re gone. It’s my fault Zoe’s a widow.”

“No,” River repeated, still holding his gaze intensely. “No, it’s not, it’s nobody’s fault. Things are the way they’re meant to be.” River blinked back a few of her own tears. It had taken her a while to accept the fact that pain and sadness could ever be the way things were supposed to be, but she knew now, with insight that could only come from her unique abilities, that it was.

Simon could not believe her, his conscience still raged with guilt over what he viewed as his role in so much sadness. Shaking his head, he allowed his gaze to drop to the ground. River’s heart beat hard against her chest with his pain and she scrambled to think of something that would convince him. Finally she murmured, “Kaylee loves you.”

His eyes widening at this admission, Simon again turned to look at his sister, and breathed, “What?”

Cocking her head to one side, River gave him her best “you are such a boob” look and repeated, “Kaylee, she loves you and you love her. Denying it won’t make it less true. And running away won’t either.” Again placing a light hand to his cheek, River murmured, “You both deserve to be happy.”

“Mei mei, how can you say that?” Simon’s voice was still not much more than a whisper. “How can we be happy when Zoe and everyone else are so miserable?”

“How can the sun continue to rise and set or the seasons change?” River asked him, her voice taking on that cryptic quality he had grown used to over the last eight months. Not understanding her meaning, he waited for her to elaborate, and she did, “Because, life goes on. It continues, happy, sad, or otherwise. Trying to stop it, to fight it … you can’t. Even you aren’t smart enough for that,” she told him, smirking a bit.

Simon finally allowed a slight smile to curl his lips as he admitted to her tease. Dropping his gaze back to the tombstones, he murmured, “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Then don’t do it alone,” River told him. Threading her arm through his, she started guide him back towards the waiting ship. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she whispered to him, “You deserve happiness, Simon, as much as the ‘verse can show you. Take it.”

Simon swallowed thickly at her words, and did not speak again on their trek back to Serenity. Once they had slowly and gingerly made their way up the ramp and into the dimly cargo bay, River pushed him gently forward. “Go.”

Turning back to her, Simon asked, “Where?”

Giving him another look of pure idiocy, he nodded once and said, “Right.” Turning to head for the engine room, he was a few steps towards his goal when he again looked to his sister. “Thank you, mei mei.”

She nodded once and blinked back a few tears. River stood, watching as Simon’s form disappeared out through the door, stayed there for many minutes and felt in a decidedly passionate rush as he and Kaylee finally admitted their feelings to one another. Shivering slightly at the release, River stood still for a moment more and then with a sigh, moved to close the ramp.

014. The Past

All of the shy glances and coy looks were in the past. Right now, at this moment, there was nothing shy, nothing coy, nothing hidden about their feelings for one another.

As Simon pulled Kaylee to him, he thought fleetingly of those past moments, the good and the bad. He thought of all the times they had laughed together and all of the times he had made her cry. All of the times they had almost died and all of the times they had made it through.

As he crushed his mouth over hers, feeling his need and desire returned as she met each of his kisses, his touches, with eager ones of her own, Simon thought of all the promise that past held. He knew, as they sank to the engine room floor, that all of that promise could not be nearly as sweet as what the promise of a future – their future – would bring.

015. The Future

Simon lost count of how many times they made love that first day. First it had been the engine room, twice technically, and then it had been the showers, where they had gone to get clean. Then it had been his bunk, as that was the one closest to the showers and then Kaylee’s, where they were right now, sprawled out on her mattress, still sweaty and panting from their latest coupling.

As Simon brought his arms around her beautiful form and buried his face in her hair, he realized he didn’t care. All he cared about was the fact that he had Kaylee, she was his, he was hers. She was his future, all of it, the whole thing and he would spend the rest of his life making her as happy as possible. What else could there be to care about?”

“Simon?”

Glancing down into Kaylee’s expectant gaze, he felt more love swell in his heart for her. Running his hand through her thick hair, he grinned and asked, “Yes Kaylee?”

With a bit of grimace that instantly set him on edge, Simon watched as Kaylee propped herself up beside him and said quietly, “There’s somethin’ I gotta tell ya.”

His heart plummeting to his stomach, Simon suddenly saw his future with this perfect woman flash before his eyes, and he feared he had just lost it, before he’d even had it.

Working his mouth quickly as he was trying to form words, Simon stuttered, “Ah, Kaylee, I … Was it that bad?”

Furrowing her brow at him, Kaylee cocked her head to one side, trying to understand the question. “Was what—“ She broke off abruptly as realization came and with a laugh that was music to his ears, she looked to him and then kissed him, hard and deep.

When they parted for air, Kaylee kept her mouth close to his and whispered, “No, sweetie, it wasn’t bad. I wouldn’t have wanted to keep doin’ it, if’n it was bad.”

Grinning wickedly at her, Simon cupped the back of her head in his hand and kissed her again, even as Kaylee allowed one of her hands to go roaming low on his body, pulling on his softening length and getting a groan out of him. Smiling at him as they again parted, Kaylee rolled herself closer to him, pressing their bodies together, “No, trust me, Simon, it ain’t about the sexin’.”

“Then what,” he managed, although he was having a decidedly hard time concentrating as Kaylee had not released her hold on him, but only increased the amount of her attention.

“Well, see,” she began, placing wet, open mouthed kisses along his face and down his neck, over his chest as she spoke. “When we was in the engine room …”

“Uh huh,” Simon groaned, his whole body tensing with his desire for her as she worked her mouth lower.

“We had a bit of an audience,” she finished, her mouth hovering over his stomach.

His head snapping up quickly to meet her apprehensive gaze as she relayed this news, he asked, “What? Who?”

Sliding back up him, Kaylee took his face in her hands and said, “Now, sweetie, don’t be mad, I’m thinking she was just curious is all.”

“She?” And with that, Simon knew exactly who had seen them. Dropping his head back on the pillow, he closed his eyes and just kept repeating, “No, no, no, no, no.”

Kaylee tried to suppress a giggle at his discomfort. This had been the precise reason she hadn’t said anything while they were actually in the act, as she had known this would be his reaction. Of course, it was a bit of selfishness too –she also knew Simon would have wanted to stop to deal with his curious sister. The last thing she had wanted to do at the moment she’d discovered River was put on the brakes.

Turning his head to again face her, he asked, “How much do you think she saw?”

Grinning coyly at him, Kaylee moved in and ran her tongue up his neck, getting a slight shiver from him. “I don’t know, sweetie, I was kinda busy.”

As Kaylee continued to work her incredibly talented mouth over his flushed skin, Simon again found his mind wrapped up only with thoughts of her. But before he lost the ability for all conscious thought, he resolved that now that his future was full of Kaylee, his sister’s future would be full of boundaries, rules and limits. Period.

***

I know you got an opinion - come on, spill!

Chapter 3

COMMENTS

Thursday, March 15, 2007 1:25 AM

CHAZZER


I don't understand it. I commented AGAIN and it's disapeared. Lemme re-read and write ANOTHER review for ya.

Love it, btw.

xxx

Thursday, March 15, 2007 1:30 AM

CHAZZER


Okay, first off, jealousy. REALLY clever to think of him being, in a way, jealous of the Reavers. It's original, and in a way its perfectly Simon, cos he's at the point where he thinks SO little of himself. Well written, love it.

The start was so sweet, perfect S/K moment we all love... of course, the end was just heartbreaking, but then, when does anything ever go smooth. Liked River here.

The Past, again, loved it. And The Future? ADORABLE, though lamented lack of smut. Heehee I'm sure you will provide at a later date. Her telling him about River and his reaction was really funny.


<But before he lost the ability for all conscious thought, he resolved that now that his future was full of Kaylee, his sister’s future would be full of boundaries, rules and limits. Period.>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Love it

THIS BETTER POST or I'm getting mad.

*copys comment*

xx

Thursday, March 15, 2007 3:08 AM

BLACKBEANIE


“How can the sun continue to rise and set or the seasons change?”
That was cool.

Great chapter, keep those updates coming.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 5:05 AM

LEIASKY


Oh, hands down the best line in this chapter was Simon's thoughts that River would have boundaries now. Made me laugh the first time I read it, and again every time since.

Thursday, March 15, 2007 9:21 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Completely and utterly brilliant work, TamSibling! Definitely have to agree with Chazzer about how it's completely surprising but totally on-target for Simon to feel jealous of the Reavers at that moment because of their lack of boundaries and fear. Also glad you had Simon quantify his jealousy...cuz total jealousy of Reavers? Kind of a sign of being more than a little nuts;D

And I honestly busted a gut at Kaylee's remarks to Simon about River being a voyeur, though Simon's internal monologue about River's future being full of boundaries and structure? Joss-level shininess:D

BEB


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