A/N: And the angst continues. Thanks to all for your wonderful comments ... it really helps to feed the muse (she is a demanding little nymph!).

Many, many thanks to Leiasky who is very busy with her own heart-breaking fic, but still finds time to beta mine ... and read the other stuff I send her. It's really unfair the number of pages I send her a day ... oh well! :-p

Please continue to comment. Hopefully Chapter 7 will be up over the weekend. There are 17 chapters in total.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Link to prompt table

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The Right To Love - Chapter 6 (Prompts 41-50)

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041. Watch

Watch. Wait. Repeat.

Watch. Wait. Repeat.

River was resolute in her mission, stalwart in her task. She slept on the bridge now, had even trained Jayne to bring her meals here. She would not leave her post. With deft fingers and sure motions, she looked, scanned, waited, watched, for the information she needed – they needed. Her family needed.

Programmed for stealth, skill and cunning, River could be patient. River could wait. River could watch.

And then she would strike.

***

She was awake, but he was still helpless. Still confined to watching and waiting.

The doctors had unwrapped one of Kaylee’s hands, her left one. Her bones were healing, strong and healthy, the doctors were impressed. Simon was smug; he had always known she could do anything, and he’d been right.

Taking the now uncovered hand in his own, Simon raised it slowly, gently to his lips and kissed her fingers, watching her eyes flutter beneath her lids at the light touch. She had fallen back into a peaceful sleep after talking with him for only a few moments. Asking about the captain, Zoe, the ship, Inara, River, Jayne and him. It hadn’t been long, but it had been enough time for Simon to profess his love and commitment to her, more than once; enough time for him to promise he would never leave her again; enough time for her to cry and ask him to stay; enough time for her to tell him she was still scared and then fall back into a drug-induced sleep.

Kaylee should not be scared. It wasn’t right. It made his jaw lock, the muscles in his cheek twitching with an intensity that matched the adrenaline pumping through his veins. They had made her scared, had almost killed her, had doused his sunshine. And they would pay.

But for now, Simon could not leave her. So he would watch over her; watch out for her; watch her.

042. Monsters

Shapes, colors, sizes – each one was different, dependent on the dreamer, the person, the personality. Each demon varied in the scope of its hideousness.

***

Blobby, green and multi-eyed. Easily destroyed by one bullet from Vera and a grenade.

With a smug grin and a muttered grunt, Jayne rolled over and continued to sleep.

***

Tall, straight and limbless. A thick rod, ending in a sharp point, quick to move and implacable once embedded.

With a resolute stoniness and an upraised chin, Zoe turned her back and walked off into a dreamless corner of her mind.

***

Rich, lush and bejeweled. Perfumed hands encased in lush fabrics that grabbed and snatched, a limp touch, followed by a hard grip.

With her lips pressed into a thin line and her eyes clear, Inara stepped back, keeping her front to them until they had disappeared again into the shadows.

***

Beady-eyed, wrinkled and calm. A soft touch that did not inflict the pain, only ordered it. Lilting, accented speech tinged with malice and glee.

With a twitch of his limbs and an increased heart rate, Mal ran until he couldn’t catch his breath.

***

Blue, red and sterile. Cold tools and sharp needles penetrating soft, unblemished skin, digging away at the gentlest of creatures, the sweetest of faces.

With an exhausted sigh and a weary heart, Simon instinctively leaned closer to Kaylee’s still form and rationalized the tormentors away.

***

Black, dark and oppressive. A heavy hand that suffocated, taking away breath, light, life; leaving pain, injury, anguish behind.

With a small whimper and tears down bruised cheeks, Kaylee could only freeze in fear and watch them.

***

Inconsequential, trivial and meaningless.

With a still form and an even breath, River continued to sleep. Her monsters were no longer an issue; she had killed them.

043. Time

“Get away! No!”

Simon awoke with a start, his eyes blinking rapidly to clear the sleep as he heard Kaylee’s anguished cries. Sitting up in the chair he’d pulled as close to her bed as possible, he reached out to rest a hand against Kaylee’s, his other flying to her forehead. “Kaylee, wake up.”

But his soft voice did nothing to rouse her from the nightmare that had gripped her mind and spirit. As the monitors watching her heart rate sped up and wailed, her urgent shouting joined the fray. Worrying that she could reopen some of her wounds if she continued to thrash about, Simon stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders. Calling loudly, he said, “Kaylee!”

With a rapidity that surprised him, her eyes flew open, darting around the room fearfully as she panted, trying to catch her breath. Tears which had started to fall in her nightmare, continued unimpeded down her cheeks, pooling under her chin before dripping into her hair.

Replacing his hand over hers, his other against her flushed cheek, he said softly, “Kaylee? Can you hear me? It’s Simon.”

Her eyes, wide and dilated, had not stopped their frantic movement, until he spoke her name again. Leaning her head against his light touch, she blinked once and then opened her green eyes back to him, fear and anxiety coloring them a darker shade than normal. “Simon?” It was a hesitant whisper, two syllables spoken as a test, a gauge of whether or not she was really safe, whether or not he was really here.

Smiling to her slightly and trying to quell his growing fear and anger, he caressed her cheek with the barest of touches and said, “Yes bao bei, it’s me. You’re safe. You just had a dream.”

“Where?” Kaylee had only been awake in fits and starts for the past few days and it did not surprise Simon that her still-healing mind and wounded body could not fit the pieces back together.

Wishing he could hold her, for the rest of their lives if possible, Simon could only edge a bit closer, increasing his hold on her hand, as he said, “We’re in a hospital on Bernadette. You’ve been here for about a week and a half.” Pausing, Simon swallowed thickly, his apprehension close to choking him as he asked, “Do you remember why you’re here?”

More tears fell from her eyes and his question was answered. Leaning down, he pressed the lightest of kisses to first her forehead, then one to each cheek and finally the last to her lips. “Shh,” he whispered, his mouth still just an inch from hers. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay now. I promise.”

Kaylee could not stop her crying. She wanted to, she wanted to tell Simon she was grateful he was here, glad that she had come back to him, hurting because of the injuries she’d suffered, scared of the attackers who had imparted them. But she couldn’t speak, she could only sob.

And Simon could only watch with wide, blue eyes. He knew how badly it would hurt her if he tried to sit next to her, tried to get any closer, but it was killing him. Every muscle in his body was on fire as he fought his natural tendency to embrace her, to hold her until she stopped crying. But all he could do was reach for her hand, touch her face, and he did it, hoping that the contact would be enough – at least for now.

He watched in sorrow as she again cried herself to sleep, still unable to form words. He had no idea how long he stared. Simon had found that over the past ten days, time had taken on a whole new meaning. It was measured now in the minutes she was awake, the seconds he saw her eyes, the hours he waited to see them again.

With a start, he glanced over his shoulder as a light hand rested there. Smiling sheepishly to Inara, Simon looked back to Kaylee as he greeted their friend. “Hello, Inara.”

“Simon.” The companion’s voice, trained to hide any emotion was warm, but distant. She watched him as he watched her and Inara’s heart broke for the young couple. They should never have had to suffer this. “How is she?”

Simon knew Inara was concerned for Kaylee and possibly for him, that she was only trying to help, probably collecting information for Mal as well. But the question, so innocent, struck a nerve. It was very obvious how Kaylee was and he did not need the reminder of spelling it out for her.

With frustration burning in his eyes, he glanced back to Inara and muttered, “How do you think she is?”

Inara should have been surprised by his tone, but wasn’t. She had wanted to rail and yell at the people who paraded by Mal’s bed, doctors, nurses, and asked her casually how he was. As if it weren’t apparent that he was consistently at death’s door, only to be dragged back from the threshold time and again. It angered her as well.

Dropping the hand she had placed to his shoulder, she said quietly, “It’s going to take time, Simon. Just time.”

With a sigh, Simon dropped his eyes to the ground and when he again brought them to Kaylee’s face there was no frustration there, only resignation.

“I know.”

044. Seasons

The last climate change Inara had experienced was fall, just before she’d left the training house on Mal’s heels. It had been cold, the air crisp and chill, but refreshing. She had liked fall.

It was fall on Bernadette. Inara stood at the window to Mal’s room, having cracked it open slightly to let in the cool breeze, needing the fresh air, needing the chill to keep her awake. She was so tired. Watching over Mal had not lent itself to sleep, even though Zoe was always there to take over her vigil.

But Inara could not leave him. They had come so far over the past months, since Miranda. They had finally stopped their dance, finally settling like leaves on the wind against each other. Closing her eyes for only a moment, Inara ran her hands up her arms, remembering with fondness the warmth of Mal’s embrace. It had felt like spring in his embrace, warm, inviting with the hint of more to come.

Making love to him was like summer, hot, insistent; every breath humid, every inch of skin ablaze under his heated touch. Sweating and panting from the exertion each of them enjoyed the coolness that followed, the need to be close as a chill settled onto them, causing a shiver to course through each of them. Snuggling close, they saved the heat, kept it between them and reveled in its warmth.

And now it was getting cold again and Inara was cold, in her bones. She no longer liked the fall.

045. Want

Simon wanted life; he always had. Even as a child, his focus had been life, the living, health and ways to improve it. There was the bird he brought home at the age of five and nursed back to health; the malnourished dog he’d found at the age of nine, hiding it in his backyard, knowing his parents would not approve as he gave the stray its life back. It was the natural progression of things that Simon would become a doctor. Life was all he had ever wanted – the good, the bad; the hard, the easy; the uncomfortable, the comfortable.

***

Kaylee was not comfortable, she was not at ease, she was not good. She was trying very hard to come to terms with all that had happened. Every day, she closed her eyes to sleep and prayed that the dreams would go away, that she would forget that fear which it seemed had seeped into her bones. She wanted to, desperately.

She wanted Simon, she wanted him back, them back, the way they had been. Kaylee still felt the peace and warmth she’d always known when he touched her soothingly, when he smiled that ridiculously handsome grin, when he pressed his soft lips to hers, just for a moment, so as not to hurt her. And Kaylee wanted that, yearned for that.

046. Need

River needed death just as Simon wanted life, but she hadn’t always. She and her brother had always been the yin and yang, but River had assumed it was just the difference between boy and girl. Now, she understood – it was the immovable difference between life and death.

River didn’t wish death on others, didn’t relish its coming or its going. But she understood its necessity; she understood the importance of its finality and how that finality was requisite for the life her brother so desperately sought.

She needed death now, in a way she hadn’t since she had destroyed a room of Reavers with two scythes and her rage. She needed him to die, to feel the pain he had caused her family. He needed to die.

And River needed to kill him.

***

Kaylee may have wanted Simon, but every time he was close, she felt the walls closing in, her air supply cutting off and the very real need to run, far and wide, in order to get the air, the space her body craved. That was what she needed.

She didn’t want to need it. Kaylee, in truth, hated being alone. So it scared her, more than just about anything else, that while her heart needed Simon to be with her, while her body craved his gentle touch, her mind and her soul wanted to bolt, to hide, to cringe.

Kaylee had never believed want to be stronger than need. But now, as she felt the dichotomy of the two slowing eating away at her, she feared, every night when more dreams came, every day when she was in more pain, that eventually her heart would lose to the vivid reminder of her memories.

047. Vengeance

Inara wheeled Mal into Kaylee’s room against her better judgment. She had fought him on this, hard, telling him that Kaylee still wasn’t really up for visitors and he was in no position to be moving about. But with steely blue eyes and a firm jaw, his stubbornness had overpowered her own, and with a resigned sigh, Inara had summoned the wheelchair and begrudgingly brought him to his mei mei.

Simon looked up at their entrance from where he seemed to be permanently stationed at Kaylee’s side. He was disheveled, his face full of stubble that was rapidly turning to fuzz, as he made no effort to take care of himself while Kaylee was in so much distress.

Kaylee … she was awake now, and Inara said a silent prayer. She had feared Mal’s reaction if he’d shown up and she hadn’t been able to look at him, to reassure him that she would be fine. Inara knew it would only have made him feel worse than he already did.

With a surprised expression that he quickly hid, Simon nodded to them both and then said to Mal, “It’s good to see you up and about, captain.” Why should you be well enough to be out of bed, while Kaylee is still so damaged? He shook the thought away.

Mal nodded in the man’s direction, but never removed his eyes from Kaylee’s healing face. Inara pushed him close enough to take the girl’s bruised hand and as he brushed his fingers over it, he cleared his throat and said thickly, “Hey there, lil’ Kaylee.”

“Hey cap’n,” she murmured, her eyelids drooping; she was obviously ready to go back to sleep. “How’re ya doin’?”

Smiling to her and swallowing hard, Mal told her, “Ah, I’m fine, nothin’ but a few bee stings.” Wrapping his fingers gently around hers, he said quietly, “I’m more worried about you mei mei.”

She tried to smile, but the gash, that was now healing, the one that had run along her cheek, prevented the expression from reaching her whole face. “I’m shiny. A-ok.” Looking to Simon, the young doctor immediately moved back to her side, and laid a gentle hand to her shoulder. “Simon’s takin’ good care o’ me.”

Allowing his eyes to flit to Simon’s face, Mal watched the young man control his concern and his fear, while his blue eyes shone with love for his mechanic. “Well, I’m glad t’hear that, lil’ Kaylee.”

Finally, unable to keep her eyes open a moment longer, Kaylee murmured, “I’m kinda sleepy though. So, I’m prolly gonna …” Her voice trailed off as she fell asleep.

All of them visibly released a breath and it was several moments before anyone said anything. Inara backed Mal away a bit from Kaylee’s side, allowing Simon room to sit next to her. Now, almost two weeks after the attack, Simon must have finally deemed Kaylee healed enough to withstand the closeness and he gingerly sat on her bed.

“Come on, Mal,” Inara whispered, having leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “You need to get back to bed.”

Mal didn’t say anything, but only nodded once, and then looked back to Simon. “She needs anything,” he said gruffly, getting his medic to turn and face him. “You let me know, dong ma?”

Simon nodded sadly and then returned to his vigil. Inara gently pulled Mal’s chair away and led him from the room. He didn’t speak the entire trip back, or when she eased him into bed. As she took a seat beside him, reaching for his hand, she was surprised when he jerked it away.

“Leave me ‘lone, ‘Nara.”

Startled by the harshness of his tone, she shook her head firmly and said, “No, Mal. I won’t.”

Turning blazing eyes to her, he bit out, “You gotta. ‘Cause ain’t nobody safe ‘round me.”

Inara rubbed a hand over her brow having known this moment was coming. Taking his hand and holding it firmly with her own, even as he continued to try and pull away, she said fiercely, “You listen to me, you hou zi de pi gu, I will not let you push me away.” He averted his eyes, content to look at anything other than her hurt expression; because he knew that hurt was borne out of her love for him and Mal needed to forget that. If he was ever going to live without her, he needed that love to disappear into the dark.

“Go, ‘Nara,” he said again, his voice a bit shakier, but still firm. “I mean it.”

Staring at him with a look that could have melted steel, Inara set her jaw, her eyes ablaze. Resolutely, she rose, dropping his hand onto the bed, and strode towards the door. Mal visibly relaxed, thinking he’d won, but then tensed again as she walked right past the exit and with a determined and vengeful gleam in her eye, plopped herself down in a chair across the room. With her arms over her chest, she glared and said, “No.”

With a heavy sigh, Mal could only close his eyes and pray for sleep.

048. Direction

Up and away, back into the black. Simon visibly relaxed as Zoe piloted the shuttle out of Bernadette’s atmosphere and back into space. He never thought he’d see the day when he preferred the cold void to the warm ground.

But if they were heading off planet, it meant Kaylee was better. Or at least well enough to go home. And they needed to go home, needed to be home. They had spent three weeks in that hospital and while Simon knew it had been necessary for Kaylee’s recovery, he still couldn’t help feeling that she would recover faster once she was safely back with “her girl.” He knew how much she loved that ship, and in the past few days, as she’d been awake longer and longer, it had been all she could talk about – when she talked.

Simon continued to watch her closely, looking for the fall-out of her torture. He knew it was deep and painful, because he could see it. The light that had once shone in Kaylee’s eyes was dimmed, almost non-existent and Simon found himself looking for it, missing it. He kept following her: her movements, her emotions, her eyes, seeking it in vain. Surely it was just lost; surely it was simply trying to find its way back.

He wasn’t sure when Kaylee’s light and love had become his guiding light, but he found himself drifting now, directionless without it.

The ship docked, a small clang and a bit of a rumble the only indication, and Simon looked down to see Kaylee had awakened at the jolt. Smiling to her, Simon leaned down and kissed her lightly. When they’d parted, Kaylee murmured, “Are we home?”

“Yes, bao bei. We’re home.”

049. First Love

She had thought her first love was a kitten; a gray and white ball of fur that she’d found mewling around her pa’s shop when she’d been five. She’d named him Ratchet and brought him home, watching with bright, green eyes as he’d lapped up the milk she fed him and laughing with the lightest of giggles as she’d watched him unravel a ball of her mama’s yarn.

At fourteen, she was convinced that her first love was the Ellison boy. Oh, he was a devil, mischievous green eyes, like her own, and dark, dark hair that always fell the right way across his forehead. He was the first boy she’d ever burned for, yearned for, the first boy she’d ever slept with and she’d thought she’d loved him.

Then, she’d stepped foot on Serenity, and she was fairly certain it was when she felt love for the first time. It wasn’t a lustful pang or a contented sigh, it was a deep-seeded knowledge, residing in her bones that she had found her home, that she was safe and protected in her “baby.” This firefly ship, held together with a lot of less than stellar parts and more than enough love was all she needed.

Kaylee seeing Simon that day on Persephone had been completely unexpected. Not so much seeing him as she was used to smiling and flirting with all manner of men when they were in port, especially if the captain set her to barking for fares. No, it was more what she felt when she saw him that was the surprise.

The rest of the port, the world fell away in that minute. Sure, he looked a bit stuck up, his pretty fits so sorely out of place in the midst of Eavesdown’s throng of denizens, his red-tinted sunglasses ridiculous and swai at the same time. But then, Kaylee had approached him, smiling like always and asked if he needed a ride. And the most unexpected thing had happened.

He’d smiled back, extended his hand and said, “Yes.”

And in that minute, Kaylee knew, Ratchet, the Ellison boy, even Serenity, would forever take a backseat to Simon Tam. She hadn’t really been in love before, but she was now. Real, honest-to-goodness, knee-knocking, warm and comforting, lustful and lingering kind of love; and Kaylee had been unable to shake the feeling since; had been unable to even look at another man since that fateful day.

Because she knew, Simon would be her first and last love.

050. Weapons

“Kaylee, you need to take it.”

Pouting, she whined, “It’ll make me sleepy. I’m tired o’ sleepin’.” Furrowing her brow, she muttered, “Well, that didn’t make no sense.”

With a learned patience, Simon approached her and sat on the edge of her bunk. Actually it was his bunk. Since Kaylee had been back on board, she had been reluctant to be down in her old room. Simon had tried to determine exactly what had her so scared, not that he was complaining – he liked having her close – but he didn’t like to see her so obviously spooked, especially in her home. Shaking the thought away, Simon took her hand, the needle full of smoother in his other and told her, “Kaylee, it’s important for you to keep sleeping and healing. You’re body has –"

“I know what my body’s been through, Simon,” she hissed at him, pulling her hand away and turning to look at the wall. “I don’t need a ‘minder.”

Sighing silently, Simon said softly, “Kaylee, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you, but …” He trailed off and waited, hoping she might look back to him. When she didn’t, he risked another angry reaction and reached out his hand, brushing it through her hair.

The light touch softened Kaylee’s heart, as it did every time, even while fear continued to well in her chest. It was a fear Kaylee could not rationalize, could not stymie, could not will away. She’d been back on board for over a week and she still woke up several times a night in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, sometimes just gasping, her eyes wide and wild as she tried to blink away her nightmares. Some nights Simon heard her, some nights he didn’t. He slept on the floor at her side, but his own exhaustion allowed him to sleep hard, and only when she awoke wailing did he rouse and move to her side, holding her hand and whispering to her.

He still could not hold her and Kaylee was conflicted over their inability to be close. She still felt the overwhelming urge to run, to get as much space and distance as possible, and it was at those moments, when she was close to hyperventilating, that she was glad she was still too fragile. Her leg and ribs were still healing from their multiple breaks and the bruises that covered her body were tender to the touch, as were the cuts.

But then, at other times, all she could do was shake with fear. All she could do was tremble as the shadows in her dreams overtook her and then all she wanted was Simon’s arms around her. Without even realizing it, Kaylee shivered and jerked away from Simon’s touch, bringing a concerned look to his features.

Quickly averting her eyes so she would not have to see the hurt in his, Kaylee studied her hands in her lap and waited. Within seconds, Simon asked, “Kaylee?”

She didn’t want to look at him. Kaylee knew that if she did, if she brought her eyes to his face and saw his love there, she would come undone. His eyes were as cutting as any knife, as deadly as any weapon, because they could so easily render her unawares.

Simon watched her fight an internal battle, saw as her shoulders heaved with a huge sigh. He was worried, that was no secret, to anyone on board, least of all Kaylee. He didn’t want to pressure her, to make her talk about her trauma, but he could barely handle her silence, her distance. The look in her eyes, the lifeless, dull look cut through him with a sure slice, smarting deeper than any other wound he’d ever received. For as much as Kaylee was hurting, he was hurting for her.

Reaching out, he placed a finger under her chin and forced her to lift her face to him. Tears were pooling in her eyes again and Simon wished he knew how to make them stop. Edging a bit closer to her, Simon asked quietly, “Kaylee, I know you don’t want to, but can you talk about it?” Pausing, he swallowed thickly and added, “Please?”

Kaylee didn’t know how she held it together. It was probably fear; her fear of speaking the words, of voicing her terror that kept the words from spilling from her mouth. With another sigh, she simply extended her arm to him, palm up and said quietly, “Just give me the medicine, Simon. I’m tired.”

With a heavy sigh of his own, Simon swallowed down his immediate response. He wanted to tell her no, tell her that he was not moving from that spot until she told him something, everything. But as she again lowered her deadened eyes to the bedspread, Simon felt another stab as their lifelessness hit him in his core.

Prepping her skin and injecting the smoother, Simon watched as her eyes drifted closed. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he whispered, “I love you.”

***

So, what'd ya think?