A/N: All right kids, we're more than halfway there, but the angst and tension just keeps coming. I hope you like how this all (eventually) resolves.

Thanks to Leiasky for the beta and guiding light. She was integral in the plot development of this one.

Also, thanks to everyone for your shiny comments. The good and the con crit help immensely, especially as I continue writing. (If you're interested, I put up an update of my fic writing in my latest log entry. Check it out if you want.)

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

Link to prompt table

*** The Right To Love - Chapter 11 (Prompts 66-72) ***

066. Empty

He was gone, that was all Kaylee could focus on. She felt better, physically, than she had for quite some time, but her mind and her heart were hurting, pounding with fear and longing … and regret.

Simon had told her he loved her and she had said – nothing. She’d murmured the words once he’d gone, but Kaylee knew he’d already been out the door and down the hall by the time she whispered them. He hadn’t heard her and now, if he did die, the last thing Simon would remember her saying was that she didn’t want lies from him.

Sitting on the back porch of her parents’ home, wrapped in an old and worn afghan, Kaylee stared as more rain fell. It had rained steadily since the morning they’d left, almost an entire week of rain and Kaylee was glad. Glad because the rain was shedding tears she couldn’t, crying for her. She wanted to cry, so badly it hurt, but it was impossible to cry when everything, every part of her body and her heart, felt empty.

“Mei mei?”

She did not turn at the sound of Inara’s call, but only continued staring as the rain fell in sheets on the now muddy ground. Kneeling at the side of her chair, Inara gazed up into Kaylee’s lifeless and empty eyes and bit her lip at the sight. “Oh, Kaylee, please talk to me.” She cradled the girl’s cheek in her palm hoping that today would be the day Kaylee would open up, would allow Inara to help her. But so far, each attempt to comfort the girl had been rebuffed and it pained Inara deeply to know she couldn’t help her.

Staring at her for just a minute more, Inara rose with a resigned sigh and headed back towards the house. “I ain’t got nothin’, ‘Nara.” Her voice was broken, hoarse from disuse, but Inara heard it and rushed back to her. As soon as she saw her friend’s warm brown eyes, Kaylee added, “I ain’t got nothin’ without him.”

“That’s not true, mei mei,” Inara whispered, covering Kaylee’s hand with her own. “You are a strong, beautiful woman and if Simon …” She couldn’t finish the statement and so she didn’t, choosing instead to pause, and then say, “You’ll survive this, Kaylee. Whatever the outcome.”

Shaking her head resolutely, Kaylee’s gaze did not waver from the rain as she said, “I won’t live my life bein’ empty. It took me a long while o’ feelin’ sorry for myself to figure out that I can’t live without him. I let him go without tellin’ ‘im that, without tellin’ ‘im I loved him.” She swallowed hard and added, “And if’n he don’t come back I’ll never forgive myself for that. I can’t live without ‘im,” she repeated her voice no more than whisper as she continued to stare at the rain.

***

He shouldn’t have left her. That was all Simon had been able to focus on. For the past six days as he had again been trapped on Serenity, all he could think of was the hurt in Kaylee’s eyes, the imploring look she had given him, begging him not to leave her. And like a fool he had.

And maybe for nothing. Niska had not been at the coordinates Badger had provided and while Simon fumed that the mad man was still out there, he was also secretly revealed. He felt adrift without Kaylee, without her smile or her laugh and he wanted to get back to her. He needed her to fill up his heart again, the heart that had drained of any emotion but hate the minute he’d set off after Niska.

Being in love with Kaylee had fulfilled him and healed him in ways he had never expected, just as being apart from her tore at him. He would still give anything to kill Niska, still would if the opportunity presented itself, but he would not do it if it meant sacrificing Kaylee.

Simon wanted to send a wave, let her know he was coming back. Even if she was still mad that he’d gone at least he’d be able to see her face. But with a heavy sigh, Simon knew they were still flying under radio silence, Mal a bit worried that if Niska were in the area and got wind of them, the sadistic hun dan would get the drop on them – and that was not how this was supposed to go down.

Falling back on his old bunk, Simon had never thought the room felt as empty as it did, at this moment, without Kaylee. 067. Choices

“All right, we’re gonna put it to a vote.”

As Jayne grunted in disgust, Mal allowed his ice blue eyes to slide down the table to the hulking man. “Since when we ever voted on anythin’ on this gorram boat?” he asked sarcastically leaning forward only so his glare would be more convincing.

Holding his gaze, Mal retorted, “Since we’re talkin’ ‘bout goin’ after the meanest hun dan we ever faced. That’s when.”

Still peeved, Jayne sat back in a huff, and after staring at him for a good long while, Mal allowed his gaze to take in the rest of his crew. Zoe’s face was expressionless as always, while Simon’s lips were pursed together in disgust. River would not look at him, but instead stared at her brother intently, her eyes boring into him as if trying to see through him.

With a sigh, Mal said, “I don’t ‘spect nobody to make a decision at this very minute, so we’ll vote at supper.” Jayne rose quickly at the dismissal heading for the cargo bay, looking to let off some steam by hefting some weights. Zoe rose, her gaze steady on Mal before following the big man, feeling her own need to release some tension.

That left Mal with the siblings and the distinct feeling that Simon was either going to haul off and punch him or thank him. Mal wasn’t sure which outcome he preferred.

River looked between them and then fixed her big eyes on Mal. “You already know what to do. Don’t need a vote.”

Sighing, Mal rose and headed for the galley hoping to find some of Inara’s tea and fix a cup. “No, Albatross, I ain’t rightly sure what to do, that’s why I’m askin’.” Turning back to her, he asked, “You think I’d ever want Jayne’s opinion otherwise?”

Not amused, River stood, heading for the bridge. “You’ve never needed anyone to tell you how to fly. You do it for love.” Spinning on her heel she flowed from the room, like gossamer on a breeze, and Mal found himself staring long after she’d disappeared.

Blinking to shake the stare from his head, Mal went about making his tea and when he again turned he saw that Simon had not moved from his place at the table. Going back to take a seat, Mal asked quietly, “You wanna talk ‘bout it, doc?”

After a long moment of continued silence, Simon turned to regard Mal, his eyes wider than the man could ever remember seeing. “How can I choose?” he asked, his voice a whisper. “If I vote for us to head back to Kaylee and Inara, then won’t I just be running, letting Niska win?” When Mal could not form an answer fast enough, Simon continued. “And if I vote for us to keep looking, I’ll just be separated from Kaylee longer. She’s the only reason for any of this Mal, and any way I look at it, I’m going to fail her.”

Mal sipped his tea thoughtfully, watching as the younger man continued to struggle. The captain did not envy him the position he was in; Mal wasn’t rightly sure he knew what he’d do if Niska had come after Inara. He could understand his conflict. Placing the mug back to the table, Mal cradled it between his hands and said, “Simon, you an’ I, we’ve had a bit of a rocky road.”

Turning a mocking gaze to him, Simon muttered, “No, really?”

Deciding to let the snarky comment slide, Mal continued, “An’ I know that you an’ me, we ain’t always seen eye to eye on much, but we both love lil’ Kaylee somethin’ fierce.” Looking back to him, Simon held Mal’s gaze as he added, “So I know that whatever decision you make is gonna be what’s best fer her, ‘cause that’s just who you are, son. I’m fairly certain there ain’t a selfish bone in your body.”

Simon swallowed hard and nodded once, sitting in silence until Mal had left the room. He still did not like the choice he was faced with, but he hoped that in a few hours when it was time to decide, he would be able to do so with a clear head and an even clearer heart.

***

At six o’clock, as the five of them sat down for chow, Mal took the vote. 068. Lost

Kaylee wandered, her feet sinking into the muddy ground as she picked out a familiar path. These woods, the ones behind her folks’ house, were as comforting to her as any place; she had spent many a day and night exploring them with friends and cousins, sometimes boys, always looking for a new trail to blaze.

She could never be lost here and yet she felt lost, adrift, because her anchor was gone. She hadn’t realized until Serenity had lifted off with Simon on board how much he was now a part of her. It wasn’t the usual attachment Kaylee was accustomed to, and she’d realized, over the past two weeks, that that’s because nothing about their relationship was like any she’d ever had before.

Kaylee had changed in the past few months, changed in the past few years that she’d been on Serenity. She’d always, no matter how dire the circumstance, been able to retain her sunny personality, her optimistic view of the ‘verse and everything in it. And then she had met Simon and River and been exposed to real evil for the first time in her life. Then she’d watched as the captain and Wash had been tortured to within an inch of their lives and again had to own up to the fact that there were very, very bad men in the ‘verse who wanted nothing more than to cause others pain.

And every time Kaylee had been confronted with this seedy side of life, she had tried her hardest to push the knowledge away, tried to focus on all the good she knew, all the good she had ever experienced, so that she could continue to pretend that nothing bad would ever truly happen. And then Kaylee had been tortured to within an inch of her life and everything had changed.

She’d felt a bit of a disconnect after Miranda, after they had all learned what the Alliance and Blue Sun had done. But shortly thereafter, she and Simon had started their relationship and she’d easily lost herself in him, in his love and touch and she’d been able to forget for a while. But not anymore; the pain Kaylee had endured, for no other reason than the fact that she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, had caused her to lose something she had always clung to with a vengeance – her innocence.

Kaylee mourned its passing, in truth it was probably the thing she had cried the most over since she’d returned from Niska’s complex. It was the one thing that had always gotten her through the tough times, and without that sense of lightness in her heart, Kaylee didn’t know who she was.

But Simon did. She had forgotten that; she had forgotten that Simon had been lost once too and she had found him, helped him. She had not given him the chance to return the favor as she’d wallowed over the loss of her innocence and the fear that no matter how hard she tried, she would never be truly safe. She’d let her fear and her uncertainty drive her decision to return home, and now, because of her selfishness she might have lost her chance for good. It was a thought that chilled her and Kaylee prayed that he would come back to her.

Rounding a bend in the path, Kaylee found the thing she’d been looking for and smiled slightly. Moving towards the huge tree, its bark still wet from the days of rain, Kaylee moved to the trunk and found the area she wanted. She allowed her fingers to trace over the fading marks, her initials and the half dozen or so initials of boys she’d liked, back in the day. Kaylee remembered carving each set with fondness, but it was different this time; it was forever, at least if Kaylee could help it.

Taking out the knife she’d brought, Kaylee added her initials and Simon’s to the wood, making them big and bold and setting them up high from the others. Stepping back to admire her work, Kaylee wrapped her arms around herself, having already resolved that once Simon got back, she would bring him here, she would walk that same path with him, his hand in hers and make sure that she never let him go again.

She wasn’t lost anymore; she knew what she wanted – who – she wanted. But with a shiver, Kaylee feared that maybe she was too late for it to even matter.

069. Found

River had been ignoring the beep of the cortex link for a good fifteen minutes when Mal finally huffed his way up to the bridge and switched off the damnable noise. “River, why ain’t you answered it?” he asked, annoyed that his sleep cycle had been interrupted.

“We don’t need it,” she said quietly, her eyes still focused on the black.

With another grumble, Mal looked to the wave screen and saw that it was a recording. Playing it back, he listened to the message intently a few times and then sighed heavily. Turning it off, he looked back to River, who still had not moved and asked her, “You knew what it’d say, didn’t ya?”

Finally turning those big, brown eyes to him, River’s face was expressionless as she repeated, “We don’t need it.”

Dropping his chin to his chest, Mal ran a hand along the back of his neck. The girl had a point, the information he’d just heard wouldn’t do them any good, especially not now. They’d already made a decision and were already more than halfway home. Changing course could just open them up to a whole host of problems that Mal had no desire to entertain.

Looking back to River who was still gazing at him intently, Mal dropped his voice and said softly, “You don’t tell anybody. Dong ma?”

She nodded once, relieved that the captain had listened to his heart and then watched him go.

Mal descended back into his bunk, falling onto his bed unceremoniously. He’d done the right thing, he knew it; they had all decided that chasing the ‘verse looking for Niska, and thereby looking for trouble, was not the smartest idea. Mal wasn’t about to override that decision now.

Even if he did know exactly where the hun dan was hiding.

070. Full

Ellen and Hank woke Inara in the middle of the night and with practiced grace, she rose from bed and flew to the wave screen, her breath hitching in her throat when she saw Mal’s face staring back at her.

“Mal,” she breathed, reaching for the screen and stopping herself as she realized it would do no good to touch the cold glass. “Are you all right?”

“Just shiny, darlin’,” he assured, his features full of a lopsided grin. “We’re comin’ back.”

“What?” Inara’s eyes narrowed as she tried to comprehend his statement. They hadn’t been gone long enough to have already taken care of Niska had they? What was he playing at? “Why?”

With a sigh, Mal said, “’Cause this rage is jus’ eatin’ at me, an’ gettin’ near that hun dan is harder than gettin’ Jayne out of a whore house.” Studying her again, Mal saw that she was not convinced and added quietly, “If’n you don’t want me to come back, I can always-“

“Bi zui, Mal,” Inara told him, her tone softening as he again smiled to her. “Just hurry.”

“Already am, darlin’,” he said quietly. “You tell lil’ Kaylee we’ll be home in about three days.”

Inara nodded once and held his gaze for a moment more before the screen winked off. Her heart and body flooding with relief, it took Inara a few minutes to trust herself to stand. But as soon as she did, she rushed from the room, her body tingling with anticipation and burst in to awaken Kaylee.

“What is it, ‘Nara?” the young woman murmured. Her eyes snapping open in a second, filled with fear, she breathed, “Is Simon okay?”

“He’s fine, mei mei,” she told her, embracing the girl tightly to her. “He’s coming home.”

***

Kaylee had never felt more nervous. Her whole body reeked of it, her heart and mind reeling from the overwhelming fullness the anxiety was causing. She was standing outside with Inara and her folks, waiting, waiting for Simon; waiting to find out if she’d lost him for good.

She was fairly certain the anticipation was going to kill her. It almost had in the past few days, her moods alternating between overwhelming relief that he was safe and uncontrollable despair that he might not want her anymore. But at this very moment, as she strained to hear Serenity break atmo, she didn’t care; her heart was only full of love for him and it was that feeling she was going to do her ruttin’ best to hold onto – and share.

The small pop she heard signaled that her ship was on its way and with excited eyes she flashed Inara a grin, which the companion returned. Inara was just as anxious as Kaylee to see Mal again, to hold him and kiss him and finally admit that she was in love with him. All the reasons she’d been clinging to in order to avoid that confession seemed ridiculously inconsequential in light of recent events.

Glancing up to the still overcast sky, Kaylee made out the speck that soon became a dot that grew to a circle that expanded to the firefly and filled her field of vision. As she watched Serenity alight to the ground with one of River’s signature landings, Kaylee took a deep breath and ran towards it.

071. Fall

Simon watched the ramp lower, wishing the stupid thing would just fall to the ground so he could get off this boat and back to Kaylee. But with a slowness he’d never really recognized before, the ramp descended and Simon waited.

His heart was pounding in his chest, his anxiety on the rise. He and Kaylee had not parted on the best of terms, and while he still loved her with everything he had, and more, he worried that these few weeks apart would only have served to cause that great divide to widen. Closing his eyes for a moment, he muttered a silent prayer that that worry was baseless.

When he again blinked them open, his heart hitched in his throat as he recognized Kaylee’s form charging towards the ramp. Without another thought, Simon sprinted out of the ship and met her as she flung herself towards him and fell into his open arms.

“Oh my god, Simon!” she cried, her arms so tight around him he thought for a moment he might not be able to breathe. “I’m so glad you’re back! I missed you so much!” She was sobbing and laughing all at once, and soon Simon was doing the same. He didn’t notice as everyone else greeted each other and moved back towards the homestead. All he was concerned about at this moment was the perfectly beautiful woman in his arms.

Finally pulling back from him, Kaylee held his gaze and then kissed him fiercely, her lips pressing against his, her mouth opening to him, her tongue searching for his. Simon again wrapped her tight, one arm around her waist, the other cradling the back of her head and crushing their mouths together. The kiss lasted for innumerable minutes and when they were forced to part for air, it was Kaylee who spoke first.

“Simon, I’m so sorry I was so awful. I was hurtin’ an’ I took it out on you, an’ that was wrong.” Kaylee spoke even as her voice faltered and more tears came. “Please, Simon, I love you so much, please believe me.”

“I do, bao bei,” Simon told her, pressing kisses to her cheeks, her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her mouth. “I love you. I will love you for the rest of my life.” With a sob of joy, Kaylee’s arms again came around his neck and she jumped into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. He continued to kiss her, feeling not only his love for her, but his desire and he realized he had never, except maybe right before their first time together, wanted her so badly.

Minutes later they were back in their room, kissing and clinging to each other with need and passion. They each made quick work of the other’s clothes, their mouths and hands exploring every new spot of bare skin as it was exposed to the other.

With tender eyes that Kaylee knew she could get lost in, Simon gazed down at her naked form, taking in the new scars, the only outward indication left that she had suffered anything untoward. With the lightest of hands, he ran his fingers over her breasts and the pink marks at her ribs.

Tears welling at the gentleness of his touch, Kaylee reached for his face and lowered his lips to hers, kissing him hungrily. When she again sobbed against his mouth, Simon pulled back instantly, more concern coloring his beautiful blue eyes. “Are you all right?” he asked her, his voice a hushed whisper.

“I am so in love with you, Simon Tam,” she told him, her voice husky with desire. “I ain’t never loved anyone the way I love you.” Running her hand down his chest, a few more tears came as she added, “I thought maybe I’d lose ya for I got the chance to tell ya that.”

“Never, Kaylee,” Simon assured her, dropping his mouth to her neck and kissing her skin there. She urged him on, cradling his head with her hand, and panting his name. “I love you,” he told her, his touch still gentle and soft as he loved her, held her, made her call his name and then called hers in return.

They loved each other with reckless abandon for most of the day, their fear vanishing as they reassured each other in words and touch that should one of them falter, the other would catch them.

072. Myth

“Uh huh,” Kaylee said, shaking her head against his bare chest and tickling him as her hair fell about. “That ain’t true.”

She looked to him with bright eyes and Simon felt his heart flip over in his chest again. It was nighttime now, the same day Serenity had returned, and neither Simon nor Kaylee had made any move to leave their bed. And no one had come by to disturb them either.

Smiling at her, Simon kissed her forehead, and then leaned back with his eyes closed, his body unbelievably tired and sated, his heart full of love for her, his mind at peace for the first time in a long while. “It’s true, I swear,” he assured, trying to hide his smirk as she continued to stare at him in disbelief.

Propping herself up on her elbows, Kaylee looked to him through squinted eyes and challenged, “All right, then, how come it was a turtle?”

Simon laughed out loud at the question, wondering how they had even gotten on this topic. Something about all the rain they’d had and then something about Kaylee’s favorite animal being a coyote and then somehow Simon’s mind had drawn the parallel to a story he remembered from school. Glancing down to her, he shrugged lightly and said, “I’m not sure. It was the belief of Earth-that-was Native Americans that the Earth was supported on the back of a turtle.” Kissing the tip of her nose, he told her, “Sometimes when you believe something, you don’t need all the answers.”

Frowning at him slightly, Kaylee cocked her head to the side and finally said, “That’s just a fancy way of you tellin’ me you don’t know.” Grinning widely, she fell onto her back and thrust her hands over her head as if in victory. “Let it be known that Kaylee Frye has just uncovered something that even Simon Tam, mister top three percent hisself, does not know.” Taking a fake bow, she muttered, “Thank you, thank you,” even as Simon smiled at her and rolled on top of her, one knee falling between her legs and parting them, while his hands gently brushed the hair off her face.

Holding his gaze for a moment, Kaylee felt her body lighting with desire for him again. She loved the way his hardening length was again brushing against her thigh and she loved the desire he was staring at her with now. Widening his grin, Simon began to trail kisses from her face down her body, causing her to shiver, and she smiled as he spoke against her skin, his breath tickling her sides. “There are other things I don’t know,” he admitted.

Taking the bait, Kaylee asked, “Oh yeah. Like what?”

Glancing up to her from where his mouth was poised over her belly button, he furrowed his brow and asked, “Well, how does the engine do that spinny thing?”

Giggling at him, Kaylee curled her fingers in his hair and gently tugged him back up to her, both of them moaning a bit as their overly-sensitive skin rubbed against each other. Reaching up to capture his mouth in a kiss, Kaylee whispered hotly, “How ‘bout we focus our attention on some other movin’ parts?”

As she kissed him, he mumbled against her, “Yes, ma’am,” before their bodies again joined, acting out the physical connection of their minds and hearts.

***

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Chapter 12