Sheppard stood, arms folded and quietly let Mal let the memories flood out of his mouth. He knew that this would be a once in a lifetime moment with Mal, that rare glimpse of the core of a man who zealously guarded his secrets. “The war done changed men, made ‘em hard an’ cold as ice inside after seeing what it done to their comrades. Not many a folk you can find that’s not be touched somewhat by the war and be the same. Zoe an’ I been through a lot together, and nothin’ ain’t gonna change that, but there be some things that Zoe don’t know, and some things I don’t know how she a gonna take.” “We was caught in a tight situation with our unit one morning, Alliance portals all around us. Weren’t no way out that’s Zoe and I could see, and suddenly we was just bombarded by fire and good men were dying left and right. Weren’t nothing we could do. We got ourselves captured and thrown in a retention cell. Weren’t too bad, didn’t treat right, but weren’t as bad as some of the stories we heard trickle down from ones that had been captured. Most of us were badly injured, and needed medical help. Zoe and I bandaged up those we could with our uniforms, ripping stuff together, trying to stop some of the bleeding and what not. But we were all in bad shape.” “Spent a good day in the retention cell before they moved us into a processing station. Fancy Alliance uniforms all around staring down at us, like they were better or somethin’. Made one’s hair stand up all over with anger and outrage at what they thoughts of us. Don’t rightly know how it happened, but it got stuck in some big wigs head that our unit was a holdin’ some kind of useful strategic info from up tops of the Independents. They took us one by one and questioned over and over. ‘Course it was all stupid ‘cause none of us knew a gorram thing, we was just a foot unit.” “Second round of questions fer me, and it were different. Wasn’t taken to the place they had questioned us before. Actually think I rode a bit in a transport ship, out to one of the supply stations the Alliance set up for the trooper ships. Knew I were gone fer a good while, and didn’t rightly understand why. Was kept in a simple cell, and for a couple of days thought they was ignoring me. But eventually they came and gots me. Took me to this real fancy dancy room, all decorated with a rich man’s stuff. Not my kind of folk to rub shoulders with. Tried to make light with the guards but hey Alliance ain’t got no sense of humor.” “Then everythin’ changed. Guards left and a door at the far end of the room opened, and…” Mal stopped, suddenly not sure if he could continue. He couldn’t meet Sheppard’s eyes, but knew they were staring intensely at him. His gaze shifted over to stare at Asha’s face. “Her eyes were piercing, intense. One of the few people I’ve ever met that could do that, see right straight through to the core of a man. It was a gaze I weren’t about to forget. Last time I’d seen her, she’d been laughing and twirling round in a farmer daughters skirt. Ain’t no way that I’d expect her to be decked out in high Allinace intelligence uniform. I remember thinking at how empty and black her clothes were. She moved with a cat’s pouncing grace, she known that she had this mouse right between her paws and one snap and it neck were done broke.” “But there was a split second, one that has haunted me for quite a while, was a flicker of surprise. I think she was just as surprised to see me sittin’ before her. But she’s good, damn good at her job. Hid it quickly and ain’t seen it since. She sat before me and began questionin’ me. Couldn’t rightly answer everythin’, was too shocked. So much had ‘appened, and this was done one thing I ain’t thought would have.” Mal was rambling now, the memories and emotions coming out in a jumble and Sheppard followed as best he could. “First time I seen her, light played with the color of her hair. Her eyes sparkled like the twinkling a lit blue pond on a summer day. Her laughter was infectious and reassuring that all was right wit’ the world. She’d come off of one of the transport ships from a border planet that done not worked. Figured her family not survived or what not, it was common. Shadow was a gettin’ more and more new people lookin’ for a fresh start. Didn’t think nothin’ of it.” “She was right good with conversation, knew quite a bit about living from the dirt. Pleasant to talk with, popular with the towns. Didn’t quite know how to approach her, young and silly. Actually never done said much to each other. Lookin’ back on it in later years, I kinda think I knows why she never spent much time ‘round me.” “She could express her emotions in a thousand different ways, or just put up a blank wall you couldn’t get past. Simple twitch at her mouth meant so many things. Her questions were general, but they were sharp and pointed. Knew what she was getting’ at, but couldn’t say anything.” “There was a time, was a country get t’gether. People celebrating a harvest, even though weren’t much to celebrate. Just needed to keep up spirits. Dancing, drinking at what not. She showed up, didn’t speak much but made a gorram bee line towards me. We danced the whole night, not speaking. Dancing over we walked down a little ways out of town to the small pond. Moon was bright and full, created a scene not happens too often. We stood there for quite a while not saying anything, and she turned and then kissed me. Gorram just kissed me full on the lips. We spent the night at the pond. Something about her, about us, just didn’t need words. Like it was understood. So many things to say, but nuttin’ fit. She had such a sad look in her eyes.” Mal looked away from her. “That was it. Left next day on a transport. Didn’t reckon I’d ever see her again. Didn’t reckon I’d ever feel the same way again. Somethin’ ‘bout her that just made sense with me, and I’d ain’t never felt it quite again.” “Been thinking on many things with her. Figured she had been sent to a border planet for some kind of mission or somethin’. Guess somewhere I’m not sure I want to know for sure.” “By the end she was getting frustrated, could hear it leaching out in her voice. She did something don’t know if’n can forgive. Looked me straight in the eye and flatly told me if’n she didn’t get any information out of me, my unit would be killed. Linked up with some sort of feed and done showed me the cell. Saw Zoe in there yelling for some kind of med help, one of our guys were on the point of dying. Then these two guards came in and tooks Zoe, dragged her away from the man by the shoulders. Treated her roughly, and done shot the man. Then next I knew they had the gun at Zoe’s head.” “I let part of my soul go that day. I knew they was all of the raggedy edge, and Zoe weren’t much better. Didn’t know what I’d do if’n I let them die, if’n I let Zoe down. Told her a few things, nothin’ as important as what she been searching for. But information I shoulda never said to Alliance. Few names here and there. Didn’t much care. I felt so empty, hallow. We sat there for a few minutes in the silence, and then she snapped her finger and the guards came and got me. They took me right back down to Zoe and the others, and then next day without a word we were escorted out of the retention cell and turned their backs and left. One medical kit left behind with a couple of rations. If it weren’t for her, we’d all be dead now, or still stuck in some Alliance hold. I later found out that one of the names I had said…he had been killed not to long after. But I vowed after that, I would never again lose my soul.” “Next I knew, there were some purges within the Alliance of high positions. Checked it out from a few sources and heard that she been killed in action. Figured they found out and gotten rid of her. Never quite blaming myself for that. But when her wave came in, I knew that I couldn’t refuse what she wanted.” Mal shrugged his shoulders. His voice raspy after so much confession and his soul worn out by being so open. Sheppard was taken a back by all that Mal had said, and for one time wasn’t quite sure on how to respond to all that he had heard. Sheppard had his own personal demons to deal with as he knew all people did. But he had never imaged that Mal’s would involve a betrayal. And yet it made sense to him, because Mal didn’t give anything up for glory or greed. He gave it in order to save lives, and that counted for quite a bit. But before Sheppard could respond to Mal, Simon’s equipment suddenly starting going off. Mal whipped his head around and saw that the machine watching over Asha was going haywire. He didn’t know what to do, and froze. But Sheppard reacted and in minutes he was pulling a bleary eyed Simon behind him. Simon shoved Mal out of the way as he watched helpless. Simon fumbled for a few seconds, and then awareness restored himself and he quickly worked to stabilize Asha’s vitals. “Doc, need ta know,” Mal started. “Just let me do my job,” Simon hotly shot back not liking having his concentration interrupted. “Doc!” Mal roared and stood behind Simon anxiously watching him work and Asha’s paling face. “You gorram better sure save her or else there ain’t gonna be much point to you breathin’ air.” Mal’s voice was deadly. “I do what I can, but I can’t even do that with you breathing done my neck.” Simon shot back. Mal was about to retort when Wash’s voice came over the com. “Sorry to disrupt the festivities, but we got ourselves a growin’ problem up here. Mal we could use your help.” Mal roared in anger as he was torn between Asha and whatever Wash was talking about. “Gorram deal with it yourself he yelled back to Wash. “Likely not to. Got ourselves an Alliance military cruiser off our bow asking us to pull over on account of hauling fugitives.” This time it was Simon to stop in mid air. He turned and gave Mal a wide eyed look of panic. Mal whipped out his gun and pointed it in Simon’s face. “Don’t never think ‘bout it doc, you fix her.” “But River,” Simon started. Sheppard cut in, “Don’t worry about her son. I’ll get her to a safe location. You worry about your patient and we’ll take care of the rest.” “Do it,” Mal growled. “Captain you had better get up and deal with them,” Sheppard said, gripping Mal’s shoulder. “Simon can handle this. She will be fine. You take care of the rest of your crew. They need their captain now.”