A/N: I really appreciate everyone's comments on chapter 1. I'm so glad that it's being so well-received.

Thanks again to Leiasky for the beta and story direction and to Kaynara for the consult.

Eli rounded the corner into the ER, hoping to track down the wayward Doctor Tam, and found Kaylee instead, pacing the length of the small waiting room, her hands clenched tightly before her.

Pausing for a moment to regard the young woman who he very much considered a daughter, Eli put one of his biggest grins on his face and said, “Kaylee, my dear. Whatever are you doing here?”

Turning at the sound of her name, Kaylee gave him a nervous smile, before meeting the older doctor halfway and embracing him. Stepping back she answered, “Oh, one of the lil’ ones had a fall. Needed to bring him for a cast.”

“Ah, so that’s where Simon went in such a hurry?” Eli’s eyes held their requisite twinkle of good humor. “I should have guessed you were involved. The boy never moves that fast for me.” As Kaylee smiled a bit more widely and a bit more genuinely at this comment, Eli took her hands in his and asked, “So, is everything else all right?”

The wide-eyed look that flashed across Kaylee’s face lasted for only a second, but Eli caught it. The girl was far too cheerful, Eli and his family had long ago determined that. But her good nature was also contagious and given the alternative, Eli would rather spend all his days with a bright light like Kaylee than a sour puss. But her behavior now, nervous and edgy was quite unlike her and Eli, concerned as a friend and physician, was determined to discover its cause.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he guided her to a nearby chair and teased lightly, “I know. You’ve finally decided to leave Simon for a somewhat older and far wiser man.”

Kaylee laughed outright at the statement, playfully swatting at his arm. “I’m gonna tell Evelyn you said that.”

Holding up his hands in defense, Eli begged, “Oh no, please. That woman already thinks I’m crazy as a loon.”

Giggling again, Kaylee tried to forget the reason she’d so readily fled the other room, and found her heart fluttering again. Her face blanched slightly and Eli noticed. “Come on now, Kaylee. Why don’t you tell me all about it?”

Swallowing hard, Kaylee glanced to the older man. He had become a close friend to her and Simon both over the past few months they’d been on Sihnon. Even his family, his wife Evelyn and their daughters, Jenna and Rachel, considered Simon and Kaylee adoptive children and siblings and it had done Kaylee a world of good to meet and know people from this high society who did not pass judgment on her or her rim world ways. They were good people and she trusted them.

Which was probably what loosed her tongue. “Doc, I gotta ask you somethin’ an’ you gotta tell me straight,” she finally said, shifting to face him. Once he’d nodded, she continued, “I know you told me an’ Simon that the accident didn’t leave any lastin’ effects. But …” Thinking back to the disappointment she’d felt just that morning at another negative test result, she blurted, “We ain’t pregnant yet an’ I’m tired o’ waitin’.”

With a sympathetic smile, Eli clasped his hands over Kaylee’s and tried to ease her fear. “Kaylee, sweetheart, it’s going to take some time. Pregnancy is not magic, we can’t wish a new life into existence.” As the young woman opened her month to protest, Eli continued. “I can promise you that based on your medical records there is no physical reason that you can’t conceive.”

“But what if you all missed somethin’?” Kaylee asked, her tone hushed as the horror of the question hit home. “What if I really can’t have a baby?”

Squeezing her hands gently, the older man tried to reassure her. “I’m sure that Doctor Chen would be more than happy to run some more tests, make sure that everything’s all right. But I really don’t think you should be concerned, Kaylee. Things have been a bit stressful for both you and Simon over the past few months. And now with the wedding-“

“Oh yeah, it’s real distractin’ plannin’ a big party,” Kaylee muttered snidely, the tone of her voice surprising the doctor.

“You’d be surprised how sometimes everyday things can affect us,” he confided, dipping his head to hers and kissing her quickly on the cheek. “Before you leave the hospital today why don’t you stop by and make an appointment with Doctor Chen?”

Reluctantly, Kaylee nodded, her stomach still churning uncomfortably with the uncertainty of it all. She so desperately wanted to carry Simon’s child that every negative test result sent new wellsprings of sadness inside her. She had not stopped praying since she’d found out about the miscarriage that the doctors were right; that she could still conceive and have a child.

“That’s a good girl,” Eli said softly, dropping a kiss into her hair as he stood. “Now, I have to find that no good fiancé of yours. He has this thing called work. It’s a concept I think I’m going to have to reacquaint him with.”

“Ah, don’t be too hard on ‘im, doc,” Kaylee said playfully, rising as well to head back to Asher. “He’s havin’ a bit of a hard time with the weddin’. His folks an’ all.”

“So he said,” Eli commented. “Try to let him work out on his own. You know Simon will make the right decision.”

Smiling wide, Kaylee agreed. “He always does.” Turning to enter the room, a final thought struck her. “Listen Eli, please don’t tell Simon ‘bout this. He’s stressed enough an’ I just-“

Resting a gentle hand to her shoulder, Eli smiled again, his eyes still twinkling. “You have my word, Kaylee. But try not to worry, I was serious about that.”

With another beatific smile, Kaylee nodded, wishing she could just get pregnant and end all of this anxiety for good.

River was on the bridge – as she usually was at this time of night. Mal grimaced involuntarily at seeing her there. Despite the fact that she was always present, he had really hoped tonight he could brood in peace.

“Don’t make faces.”

His grimace deepening, Mal stepped into the cockpit, knowing full well that attempting to hide from his resident reader was just plain stupid. “Shouldn’t you be in bed, lil’ one?”

Wrinkling her nose in a look of cute disgust, she swiveled her chair to face him and stated, “Rafe snores.”

His face blanched and Mal reached out a hand to steady himself, doing his best not to faint dead away. He had known that his mechanic and his pilot were more than friends, but sharing the same bunk was a new development. “Maybe you should jus’ keep those kinds of revelations to yourself, dong ma?” Hardening his look just a bit, Mal added, “Especially ‘round your brother.”

With a small sigh, River turned back to regard the stars, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head on them. “Not what you think, but I’ll try to prevent Simon from having a heart attack.” Regarding him with soulful eyes as he sat in the co-pilot’s seat, she added earnestly, “Kaylee would kill me.”

Chuckling softly, Mal had a quick mental flash of Kaylee chasing after River with a torque wrench. Shaking the image away, he rested his eyes on the stars visible through the canopy and allowed silence to envelope the cockpit. He wished he could crawl into bed, wrap his arms around Inara’s warm, soft form and fall asleep with his head buried in her sweet-smelling hair. But since their argument over a week ago regarding her long lost daughter he had not been back to, nor welcome in, the shuttle. And it was slowly starting to really annoy him.

“It would help if you could try and understand,” River said softly, never moving her gaze from the stars. “She’s only trying to heal. She can’t let it go because it’s breaking her heart.”

Mal’s jaw set, his lips pressed into a firm line at River’s observation. He had guessed a good portion of Inara’s motivation stemmed from the fact that she was hurting. Of course, why she couldn’t just tell him that was still a mystery. But regardless of her reasons Mal knew, in a dozen different ways, that her search was a bad idea. No matter what Inara felt for the daughter she’d never known, seeking out the child now, ten years after the fact would only cause more pain, all the way around. And as much as he wanted to spare Inara from that, there was literally nothing he could do.

“I do understand, River,” he admitted softly, dropping his gaze to study his hands. “But what Inara can’t seem to get is that this is only gonna hurt more in the long run. I hate seein’ her set herself up for pain. I’m tryin’ to protect her.”

With a whisper, River stood, kneeling at Mal’s side so she could stare up into his eyes. “She doesn’t need protection,” the young reader whispered. “She needs understanding.”

Mal held her gaze for a moment, staring at the space she had occupied long after she’d flitted away. Part of him could get it – the part of him that had died in the Valley understood perfectly well why Inara was struggling to hold on to something she had no right to. But another part of him also understood, from experience that strangling something would only end in heartache. They’d all had enough heartache in Mal’s opinion.

“Oh, cap’n.”

Mal turned slightly at the sound of Rafe’s quiet voice, a bit surprised to see the boy up and about at this time of night. Smiling at the younger man’s disheveled appearance, hair askew and t-shirt thrown on hastily over pajama bottoms, Mal asked him, “Somethin’ I can do for you, son?”

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Rafe swallowed hard, before blurting out, “I was actually lookin’ for River. Normally she’s up here, this time o’ night.”

Nodding once, Mal told him, “That she is, but I done chased her off.” Swiveling back to face the window, he added, “I figured she’d o’ crawled her way in beside ya by now.”

Mal could only guess how pale the boy had gone at his comment. Rafe was a good man, young, exceptionally green, but a ruttin’ genius with machines, not unlike Kaylee. He was also sweet and loved River somethin’ fierce; that had been obvious to Mal the first time she’d come back from a job with a few too many bullet holes not too long after the kid had been on board. His panicked look and constant vigil had spoken volumes to the crew about the depth of his feelings.

Of course, Mal had already given him the hurt-her-and-die speech, but he would take the opportunity to give it again. “Sharin’ a bunk, that’s a bit rushed, don’t ya think?”

“It ain’t like that cap’n,” Rafe hastened to explain, his mouth suddenly dry. “River an’ me … we ain’t … I mean, we wanna, but-“

Holding up a hand, Mal turned back to face him. “Easy, son. River told me it ain’t like that. But you gotta be careful with her, dong ma?” As Rafe nodded once, Mal felt his expression harden a bit, and a fatherly tone he’d seemed to adopt whenever speaking of the young woman crept into his tone. “She’s been through a lot. I don’t know how much she’s told ya, or how much she’d want you to know, but-“

Taking a step forward, Rafe said, “Mal, I’ve already told you. I’d kill myself before I hurt her. No matter what she’s been through, I am in love with her, I know that.”

Smiling softly, Mal nodded once and told him, “Well then, you’d better go find her.”

With a small smile, Rafe hurried off, glad to have escaped Mal’s scrutiny and overprotectiveness relatively unscathed. The captain watched him go, a knowing smile still gracing his features. He was happy for River, truly, but that happiness would not and did not cloud his judgment when it came to the girl’s safety. Despite the fact that she could level a room of Reavers, he would always be looking out for her – protecting her.

Just as he would with Inara, whether she wanted that protection or not.

Rafe had checked his bunk, River’s bunk, the common room, galley and engine room and still not found her. She was unpredictable, that was the truth. Of course, River’s spontaneity and spirit were two of the things he loved most about her. But not when it caused him to be worried.

He knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself and that she often did not sleep through the night. Normally, when she woke in the middle of sleep it was a nightmare that had roused her and with a few gentle kisses and words of comfort, Rafe could soothe her nerves and get her back to sleep. But over the past few weeks, she’d made it a habit to slip out of the bed they were sharing – just sleeping, although the rest of the crew had other ideas – and seek solitude. And it was starting to bother him.

He didn’t want to be one of those men who needed reassurance from his girlfriend that everything was all right, but Rafe already knew he wasn’t good enough for River. It was his own insecurity that caused him to doubt her love for him. She was special, Mal was right about that. She’d seen and done things he could only dream about and her psychic abilities only made her more precious. Rafe on the other hand was ordinary, normal and he feared that River’s absences were just a sign that she had finally figured that out.

With a sigh, he decided to look one last place and headed out to the catwalk overlooking the cargo bay. As he peered over the edge of the railing, he felt his breath hitch in his throat as he took in the sight below.

River was there, visible as she danced among the shadows littering the bay floor. With fluid movements and practiced ease she executed dance step after dance step. Rafe believed it to be ballet – River had told him she’d used to dance, but she had never demonstrated her abilities, no matter how much he begged.

In awe, he stared, mouth agape. He knew she was beautiful, any fool could see that, but watching her now, the diaphanous fabric of her dress swirling about her, her hair following her movements, her arms and legs positioned to perfection, he found her breathtaking.

He was uncertain how long he stood entranced, but he could not move from the spot. He wanted to charge down the stairs and pull her into his arms, kiss her passionately and explain to her, or rather show her, how much he wanted her. But Rafe was not that kind of man; he wanted to make love to her badly, but he knew River wasn’t ready and he would never push. Although kissing her senseless at this moment would be a welcome distraction from the other emotions pulsing hot in his blood.

Taking a step towards the stairs, Rafe again froze as he watched River suddenly drop in a heap on the cargo bay floor. His momentary shock gave way to overpowering concern and in seconds he’d sprinted down the stairs and to River’s side. He heard the sound of her sobs as he approached and saw her shoulders shaking from her tears. Reaching for her, Rafe tried to pull her into his arms, but moving swiftly, she backed away from him.

Turning a tear-streaked face in his direction, River rasped, “Don’t.”

“Bao bei, what is it?” he asked, his voice soft as he watched her continue to cry and shake. Reaching out a hand, he wished she would take it. “Let me help.”

Shaking her head fiercely River rose on shaky legs and murmured, “You can’t. It’s not right.” Lifting immensely sad eyes to him, she added in a whisper, “I’m not right,” before sprinting from the bay and leaving Rafe to stare after her, completely dumbfounded.

Kaylee waited to hear the heavy sound of Simon’s breathing before she slipped silently out of bed. Grabbing for her robe, she cinched it around her naked form and tiptoed to the bathroom. Shutting the door quietly, she paused for a moment, straining to hear if she’d woken Simon. Satisfied that he was still asleep, no doubt more than tired from their lovemaking, Kaylee crossed the room to her medicine cabinet and knelt before it. Opening the far right door, she reached towards the back, sticking her arm into the small space up to the shoulder so she could reach what she wanted.

Closing her fingers around the small packet, she pulled it back and stood. Opening the plastic as quietly as possible, she took out the small testing device and set to work.

She just knew it would be positive tonight. Despite what Eli had said a little over a week ago, and despite Doctor Chen’s reassurances that everything was fine, physically speaking, Kaylee could not sit idly by and just wait for nature to take its course. And, as Simon was not complaining about her overabundant sex drive lately, she was going to keep trying until one of these pregnancy tests gave her the answer she wanted.

Placing the instrument down on the edge of the sink, Kaylee stepped back from it, sitting on the edge of the tub as she waited for the necessary three minutes to tick by. She had to be pregnant – she needed to again have the chance to carry Simon’s child, so she could do everything right this time. So she could care for and nurture that tiny life inside her. So she could try and atone for killing their first baby.

Simon had told her it wasn’t her fault, that it was an accident and not meant to be, but Kaylee did not believe that. She had been foolish and stupid, running from Simon, not trusting him because of her own insecurities. And that foolishness had cost their child’s life. It still amazed her most days that he’d managed to forgive her; Kaylee could not forgive herself. She knew, deep down, she would never get that child back. She knew that that baby, their little girl, was dead. But Kaylee hoped, perhaps foolishly, that if she was the best mother ever to her own children and those at the orphanage that maybe it would ease her guilt. It had to.

Glancing to the chrono on the wall, Kaylee felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter as she realized time was up. Rising slowly, she approached the sink, gazing down at the test and praying. As her big eyes alighted on the slim instrument and she again saw that it was blank, she felt her stomach bottom out. Reaching out a shaky hand to steady herself, she sank slowly onto the toilet, feeling the wetness of tears as they silently made tracks down her cheeks.

Staring at nothing, Kaylee felt the emptiness of another negative result. Maybe she really had forfeited her chance to have children when she’d allowed her first baby to die.

“Kaylee?”

The soft rap on the door and the sound of Simon’s sleep slurred voice brought her crashing back to the present. Wiping hurriedly at her face, she took a deep breath and then called, “Yeah, sweetie?”

Frowning at the door, Simon studied the smooth surface, stepping a bit closer. “Are you all right?”

“Shiny,” was the muffled reply. “Be out in a sec.”

Still frowning, Simon stepped back, moving back to bed and getting under the covers. Propping his pillow up against the headboard, he listened to the sound of running water and a bit of splashing before hearing the door open. In the dim moonlight shining through the curtains he could just make out Kaylee’s form as she padded around the edge of the bed and slipped back in beside him, shedding her robe in the process.

With a small sigh, she leaned over and kissed him softly, before rolling onto her side away from him and murmuring, “’Night sweetie.”

Knowing now beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong, Simon reached out a hand to her shoulder and asked, “Kaylee, what is it?”

Biting her lip to keep her tears in, Kaylee told him, “Nothin’. Jus’ had ta use the bathroom.”

Rolling onto his side, he reached his hand to her forehead and asked, “Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine, Simon,” she sighed in exasperation. Huddling into an even smaller ball, she told him, “Jus’ leave it be.”

More concern and anxiety churning in his gut, Simon sighed softly and sat back against the headboard, trying to figure out how to get Kaylee to open up. It wasn’t normally an issue, she rarely, if ever, hid things from him, especially things that were bothering her.

Deciding there wasn’t much he could do tonight, Simon leaned back over and whispered, “Well, good night then,” before brushing a kiss to her cheek. As he pulled his lips away, now covered in her tears, Simon’s anxiety skyrocketed.

Rolling her onto her back gently, Simon cupped her cheek and asked, “Kaylee, come on, what is it?”

Wiping futilely at her cheeks, Kaylee sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling. “I ain’t pregnant,” she murmured, her heart beating so heavily in her chest she thought for sure it would fail under the strain.

Furrowing his brow, Simon brushed at her hair and whispered, “Well, that’s all right. We’ve got plenty of time to have children.”

“No, Simon, you don’t understand,” Kaylee retorted, her voice a bit edgy. “I ain’t gotten pregnant in the past five months an’ we’ve been more than a little active.”

Blushing even in the dark, Simon allowed his confusion to show. “So? Kaylee it’ll happen when it’s meant to.”

“But I want it to happen now,” she told him stubbornly. Shifting to sit up, she turned to face him in the dim light and added, “I should be pregnant by now.”

“According to who?” Simon questioned, shifting to face her. “There is no hard and fast rule, Kaylee. When it’s meant to happen, it will.” Hoping to ease her frustration, Simon leaned over to kiss her, more than surprised when she pulled away.

“No it won’t. It ain’t gonna happen at all.”

More than confused and quickly growing concerned, Simon studied her face in the dim light, doing his best to think of the right thing to say. He knew that the memory of their lost child bothered Kaylee. He knew one of the primary reasons she’d decided to volunteer at the orphanage was because she wanted to be a mother. But the defeat in her tone, the look of resignation on her features hurt him. It wasn’t like Kaylee to be so depressed and Simon found himself uncertain of how to reassure her.

Reaching for her hand, he squeezed it gently and said, “Kaylee, I’ve studied all your medical records. There’s no reason to believe you can’t get pregnant.”

“That’s what Doctor Chen said too,” Kaylee muttered. Taking a deep breath, she glanced back to Simon, glad that the darkness could hide her shame. “So why ain’t I pregnant yet?”

Having no answer, Simon decided to try a different argument. “Bao bei, what’s the rush?” As Kaylee raised her eyes to his face, he smiled softly and said, “We’re not even married yet. Maybe we just need to wait until after the wedding. Once things have settled down again-“

“Don’t you get it?” Kaylee’s shout startled Simon into silence and he watched as she bolted out of bed, grabbing for her robe and pulling it on. Stabbing her thumb to her chest, she continued angrily, “I ain’t gonna get pregnant, Simon, ‘cause I don’t deserve it. I killed our first baby. I ruined our chance.”

Astonished by the vehemence behind her words and the irrationality of the statement, Simon could only stare at her, speechless. His silence was not what Kaylee wanted to hear and so, in a huff, she stormed from the room. He watched her go, still doing his best to collect his thoughts. It was ridiculous for Kaylee to think she was being punished in some cosmic way because of the miscarriage. He had thought she understood that it was an accident, that she was no longer blaming herself, but apparently, he’d been wrong.

Rising quickly, Simon grabbed for his pajama bottoms, hiking them on as he hurried out into the apartment in search of her. As he’d expected, he found her on the patio, staring out at the bright city. Approaching her quietly from behind, Simon reached for her just as he heard a small whimper escape her lips.

Tugging gently on her elbow, Simon pulled her around to face him and held her firmly against his chest, even as she tried to push him back. “Why Simon? I don’t understand,” she cried quietly, her tears wetting his bare skin as she buried her head against his shoulder. “I never woulda taken such a risk ‘fore if’n I’d known I was pregnant. Why can’t I have another chance? I wanna another chance.”

Pressing kisses into her hair, Simon tightened his hold on her, waiting until her tears had subsided before trying to reason with her. It hurt him, in ways he could never share with Kaylee, when she was sad. It wasn’t too unlike how he’d felt just after he’d rescued River from the Academy. There was nothing quite as painful for Simon, the doctor, to watch someone he loved suffer. It just hurt.

“Kaylee, we will have children, I know we will.” Simon whispered softly, dropping his mouth closer to her ear so he was sure she’d heard him. “You are not being punished for before. I promise you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I ran away,” she hiccupped, turning her head so her cheek was resting against his skin. “That weren’t right.”

Leaning back just a bit, Simon placed his hand under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. “And River went away to school,” he countered, searching her big green eyes with his blue. “That doesn’t make what happened her fault. Just as running away doesn’t make the miscarriage your fault.”

Sighing heavily, Kaylee leaned back against him, using his strength to bolster her own flagging spirit. “I’m sorry, Simon,” she murmured, her arms tightening around his waist. “I’m so sorry.”

With a small sigh, Simon wrapped his arms around her shoulders and back and whispered, “There’s nothing to apologize for, Kaylee. I love you.”

Sniffling, Kaylee looked up to him and had to smile when he offered her his lopsided grin. “You really do, don’tcha?”

Kissing her lightly, Simon murmured, “Well, I don’t go around marrying just anyone.”

Returning his kiss, Kaylee sighed heavily and muttered, “Can we go back to bed?”

“Absolutely,” Simon told her. Turning to guide her back inside, he paused, thinking better of it. Keeping an arm around her shoulders, he stooped slightly and looped his other arm under her knees. Picking her up and holding her to his chest, Simon smiled slightly as Kaylee let out a small squeal of surprise.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Kaylee buried her face into his shoulder and whispered, “I love you, Simon.”

Brushing a kiss to her forehead, Simon told her, “I love you too, Kaylee.” He was not at all surprised that by the time he gently laid her back into bed, she was already asleep.