A/N: A big thank you to everyone who has continued to read and respond. There is quite a bit of angst in this little story, but hopefully enough fluff too.

Thanks again to Leiasky for the beta work and Kaynara for the continued encouragement.

I hope you continue to enjoy - AND respond! Don't make me beg people - it's just not pretty ...

“Rafe?”

Zoe descended into the engine room, scanning the small space for the young man. It still was a bit of a shock not to see Kaylee tinkering away or hear the young woman humming cheerily, but Zoe knew Kaylee was happier now, on Sihnon with Simon. And Rafe was good with a toolkit, had even managed to artfully get them out of a pinch a few weeks back when River had demanded some less-than-normal results from the engine. If Zoe hadn’t been sure about the young man before, that little maneuver had erased her lingering doubts.

“Rafe?” she called again, waiting by the door for the mechanic to step out from behind the spinning engine. Wiping his hands on a rag, it took him a minute to bring his blue eyes to Zoe’s face, but once he did, she suddenly understood why River had been so subdued all day. Their expressions were almost identical; Rafe too looked as though he’d lost his best friend.

“What can I do for ya, Zo?” he asked casually, crossing the room to toss the rag and his tool onto the workbench.

“We’ll be passin’ Verbena in a bit,” she told him, sizing him up as she spoke. “Cap’n wants to know how we’re lookin’ on fuel.”

Shrugging, Rafe kept his back to her and said, “We’re fine. Won’t need a refill ‘till after we’ve reached Sihnon.”

“All right then.” Zoe turned to go knowing whatever had the boy so troubled was none of her business.

“Is River all right?”

His quiet voice snapped her back like a rubber band. With a sympathetic expression, she turned to regard him and had to smile softly at the sheer emotion playing across his face. In truth, Rafe reminded her a bit of Wash. He hadn’t knowingly signed up to be part of the captain’s ring of criminal masterminds. He’d simply been looking for a job as a ship’s mechanic and Kaylee had found him, trolling Sihnon’s docks. With his blondish hair and blue eyes, he didn’t look the part of a dastardly villain and that alone had endeared him to everyone on the crew, River most of all.

He was a sweet young man who had taken a liking to River almost immediately and vice versa. And over the past months, Zoe had watched as the two had allowed the attraction to grow into something more. She had never seen River happier.

“She’s been a bit mopey, I guess,” Zoe answered him truthfully. Taking a step closer, she asked, “You do somethin’ to her I need to hit ya for?”

His sadness instantly replaced with terror, Rafe hurried to explain, “No, I swear. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Sitting in the open hatch, Zoe gestured to the hammock at her side, something Kaylee had graciously left behind and said, “Well, then, you’d better tell me what happened, so I can tell ya what you gotta apologize for.”

Smirking slightly at her comment, Rafe trudged over and sat heavily in the woven basket. Studying his oil-stained fingers for a moment, he finally admitted, “I woke up last night an’ she was gone. So I got worried.” Turning to regard Zoe, he added, “We been sleepin’ in the same bunk for about a week now. Not doin’ nothin’,” he hastened to explain, his cheeks coloring. “Jus’ you know, bein’ together.” Zoe smiled softly, remembering her own joy at falling asleep in someone’s arms and then nodded, letting Rafe know to continue.

“Sometimes, River wakes up an’ she’s crying an’ carryin’ on. Says it’s nightmares, an’ I can usually calm her down.” He rose and began to pace as he told his story and Zoe’s eyes followed him back and forth across the room. “But last night, when I woke up, she just wasn’t there. So I went lookin’.

“She was in the cargo bay, dancin’,” he said wistfully, the smallest smile gracing his lips. “I ain’t never seen somethin’ so beautiful, so graceful before.” Turning suddenly to Zoe, he asked, “Have you ever seen her dance?”

Shaking her head, Zoe answered, “Nope, ‘fraid I haven’t. I asked her once, long time ago, but she said no.”

“Yeah, me too,” Rafe agreed. Of course now that he’d seen River move so fluidly, he had to wonder at her reluctance to share such a gift with others. Shaking the thought away, he continued. “Anyways, so I was watchin’ her an’ then she jus’ collapsed. When I tried to help her, she was cryin’ an’ she told me to stay away.” Sighing heavily, he sank back onto the hammock and muttered, “I ain’t seen her since.”

Zoe watched as the younger man, so painfully in love, struggled to keep his emotions in check. Knowing River, the older woman knew there were a myriad of reasons for her behavior. But at the moment, she could only guess at one. “Rafe, how much do you know ‘bout River?” she asked gently.

Puzzled, he answered, “A lot, I ‘spose.”

Realizing she’d phrased the question wrong, Zoe tried again. “No, I mean about how she came to be on the ship. ‘Bout what happened to her before she was on Serenity.”

“You mean, her bein’ a reader?” he questioned, still not getting it. “She told me ‘bout that months ago.”

“But that’s all,” Zoe clarified, studying the man’s eyes intently for any hint that he knew more. “She din’t mention anything ‘bout the Academy or our battle on Mr. Universe’s moon?”

His brow still furrowed with confusion, Rafe shrugged. “Nope, not that I can recall.” Looking to Zoe intently, he asked, “Is somethin’ wrong? Is she sick?”

Frowning softly, Zoe guessed that she and River would have two completely different answers to that question. The girl wasn’t sick, she was a survivor. However, the fact that she’d not yet explained to Rafe all she’d been through and the things that had shaped her led Zoe to believe she was ashamed and afraid. Two emotions that River Tam would be better off dismissing for good.

Squeezing his knee gently, Zoe rose and told him, “No, Rafe, she ain’t sick. But I’m thinkin’ she might need to get some things off her chest.” Smiling softly, she added, “I’ll go talk with her.”

Rising as well, Rafe told her quickly, “Whatever it is, I don’t care.”

Smiling again, Zoe nodded and then set off in search of River, knowing she and the albatross needed to have a nice, long talk about moving on.

Inara peered into the galley, relieved to find the room empty. Hurrying across to the stove, she began to prepare her tea, grabbing a few extra packets for her shuttle. Glancing about nervously, she watched the pot of water as it refused to boil, more than anxious to disappear before Mal turned up.

She hadn’t seen him for over a week. Well, she’d seen him intermittently, ducking through a bulkhead or heading for his old bunk. He’d taken to sleeping there again, knowing he would not be welcome in the shuttle. And as much as Inara was glad she didn’t have to put up with him or his judgment over her decision, she was starting to miss him.

Why he couldn’t understand her need to see and know her daughter was beyond Inara’s comprehension. Mal was known for doing ill-advised things on any number of occasions and yet, the one time she wanted to act a bit irrationally, he’d come down on her hard, refusing to even give her wish credence. And now, they were arguing again, which was admittedly their normal way of being, but still … Inara had wanted him to be a part of this. Had wanted Mal to know her daughter; but it appeared that was not what Mal wanted – for himself or for her.

The high-pitched whistle of the kettle startled Inara from her thoughts and with shaking hands, she poured the tea. Damnit, the minute she’d entered the room her thoughts had been on Mal and now she found herself trembling with anger and hurt at his behavior. Rushing to get out of the kitchen, she set the kettle down a bit too quickly and missed the counter. The small pitcher tilted forward and she foolishly reached for it, scalding water dousing her hand in the process.

Crying out in pain, Inara’s eyes watered instantly as her hand, now red and raw started to throb. Momentarily frozen, she bent over to pick up the pot and found a strong hand wrapped around her forearm, pulling her towards the sink.

“Leave that be,” Mal whispered to her, turning on the cold water and thrusting her injured hand under the stream. He held it there even as she flinched away from the added discomfort. “Easy now.” His voice was soft and soothing and he pulled her closer, wrapping one arm around her waist while he continued to hold her other hand over the sink.

A minute or so passed in silence as Mal intently watched the red skin fade to a much pinker shade. Turning off the tap, he reached for a towel and patted the skin dry, never moving his eyes from his task. Inara watched him, wincing slightly as he pressed a bit too hard and then smiling softly as he muttered an apology under his breath and continued to see to her wound.

He was so close now, she could easily run her fingers through his soft hair, ask him to hold her and put this foolish fight behind him. But with a restraint she had learned in her years as a companion, her other hand stayed still at her side and her mouth refused to push out an apology.

With conflicted eyes, Mal looked up to her, and asked, “Better?”

Nodding once, Inara didn’t trust her voice and so she didn’t speak. “Well, we’d better get a dressing on it. You don’t want it gettin’ dirty,” he commented, turning to head for the steps to the infirmary.

“Mal, I can handle it myself,” she told him, her tone even.

Pausing mid-step, Mal allowed his shoulders to slump, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. “So, this is really how it’s gonna be, huh?”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Inara winced again as she aggravated her newly injured hand. “What do you mean?” Turning, Mal’s expression was a cross between hurt and angry; Inara wondered which emotion would eventually win. “’Cause I can’t agree with yer decision about your daughter, you’re gonna shut me out all together, huh?”

Sighing, Inara glanced down to her feet. She had always known that she and Mal had exorbitant amounts of pride, but at the moment it just seemed a tad ridiculous. “That’s not how I want it to be,” she admitted quietly. Looking back to him with imploring eyes, she added, “But I don’t understand why you can’t support me in this.”

“I don’t want you gettin’ hurt,” Mal finally told her, the statement coming across more angry than he’d intended. “’Nara, this is gonna end bad, an’ you know who it’s gonna end bad for?” As she stared at him dumbfounded, he continued, “You. Not that little girl an’ not her new folks, but you.”

Walking towards her briskly, he took her by the shoulders and held her surprised gaze. He studied her eyes intently, looking for just a flash of understanding. “’Nara,” he said softly, moving one hand to rest against her cheek. “I know this is killin’ you, I do. I can see it, but …” Allowing his voice to trail off, Mal swallowed hard, then finally said, “You can’t get her back.”

Trembling involuntarily at his words, Inara backed out of his arms, leveling a glare in his direction. “You don’t think I know that?” Holding her injured hand to her chest, she continued in a shaky voice, “I know I gave up any right to her when she was born and I let them take her away. But Mal, if she …” Swallowing thickly, Inara tried to dislodge the lump in her throat and found her eyes watering. “If she thinks that I did it because I don’t love her …” Looking to him with round, pained eyes, she choked, “Mal, she can’t think that.”

Sympathy replacing the anger in his gaze, Mal reached for her, relieved beyond belief when she did not pull away. With his arms resting around her loosely, he whispered words of comfort into her hair as she buried her head against his chest and cried softly. “If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t have let them take her,” she said softly, swallowing hard and doing her best to control her emotions. “I just have to let her know that.”

Sighing softly, Mal wondered if Inara was even aware of how unnecessary and possibly disruptive such a confession would be in that little girl’s life. Realizing probably not, he held his tongue, knowing that it didn’t really matter. Inara was still grieving in her own way over the loss of her baby and that was what was important.

“You’ll get another chance, ‘Nara,” he assured her. Rubbing soothing circles along her back, he added, “You will. One day you’re gonna be a great ma an’ you’re gonna love your lil’ ones as much as a body can.”

“But she’ll always be out there, Mal.” Inara’s voice was broken with emotion and muffled against him, but he heard her and his heart sank just a bit. “I will always have failed her.”

“You din’t fail nobody, dong ma?” With a steeliness in his tone that left no room for argument, Mal pulled back and met her sad eyes. “I mean it, ‘Nara. You did what was best for that child an’ for you. You weren’t more than a kid yerself.”

Inara held his gaze, her eyes threatening to fill again. She knew, deep down, that Mal was right. She’d been incapable of caring for herself let alone a child all those years ago. It was probably better for her daughter that Inara had let her go. But it didn’t keep her from regretting that decision. Nodding once, she glanced down to her still hurting hand and then looked back to him with a sheepish smile. “It really hurts.”

Lifting her hand to his lips carefully, Mal kissed the tips of her fingers and said, “Well then, we best take care o’ that.”

“River?”

Zoe entered the bridge, expecting to find the young woman in her usual seat, but oddly enough, the pilot’s chair was empty. Having searched the rest of the ship, Zoe knew that unless River was hiding in the ventilation system, she had to be up here.

Heading to the top of the stairs leading down to the bottom of the cockpit, Zoe peered into the darkness and called softly, “Lil’ one? You down there?”

“Go away.” The voice was small and quiet and decidedly River. As Zoe sighed and took one step towards her, the young woman spoke again. “I mean it. The killer’s back.”

Freezing in mid-stride, Zoe’s brow furrowed as she tried to suss out the girl’s meaning. River had been doing exceptionally well since Miranda, the entire crew was in agreement about that. But this behavior – running and hiding – was eerily reminiscent of her first months on board and that unsettled Zoe in a way she did not like to admit. It had been a tough year for all of them, but it was time to heal.

Swallowing thickly, Zoe continued to descend the stairs even as she heard the sound of scrambling and knew that River was wedging herself into the smallest corner possible. Reaching the decking, Zoe gave her eyes a moment to adjust to the dark. Her other senses compensated for those few seconds and she heard River’s whisper, the haunted sound sending shivers up her spine. “Meant it for the best. Didn’t mean any harm. Meant it for the best.”

Turning towards the sound of the noise, Zoe inched in River’s direction, reaching out a hand. “River, sweetie, what’re ya doin’ down here?”

“Not safe,” she told her, clutching her arms around her knees and pulling herself into a ball. “Not safe.”

“You are safe, River, I promise.” In the light cast by the monitors above and the stars outside she could just make out River’s trembling form. The girl’s eyes were shining in the dim light, the round, brown orbs bigger than Zoe remembered. “Why’re you mad at Rafe, sweetie? The boy’s beside himself.”

Blinking rapidly, River pulled her gaze from the distance and fixed it on Zoe. “Not mad,” she said, her voice shaky. “I’m in love with him.”

Reaching out a bit further, Zoe wrapped a bit of River’s wild hair behind her ear and smiled softly. “Then why you runnin’? You know he loves you too.”

“Not safe,” the reader repeated, burying her head in the top of her knees. “I’m not safe.”

Sitting back on her heels, Zoe studied the young woman as she trembled, whether from cold, fear or tears she wasn’t quite sure. The girl had been through heartache after heartache and had seen more violence in her eighteen years than just about anyone had a right to. But she had also survived more as well, and that made her undeniably strong.

Of course, Zoe knew, better than most, that strength was an artifice and what dwelled beneath was often built on fear. “You’re afraid,” Zoe stated softly, not surprised when River’s eyes snapped back to her face. “You’re afraid you’re going to hurt him.”

Nodding once, River bit her lip and murmured, “Doesn’t know it all. Can’t know, won’t accept it.” Swallowing, River blinked again, a lone tear falling free of her eyelashes and slipping down a pale cheek. “Almost found out.”

Zoe’s blood ran cold as the significance of the previous evening came back to her. She had of course realized what day it was – the one year anniversary of the day she had become a widow – but she hadn’t thought about how that day would effect River. She hadn’t wanted to.

“River, sweetie,” Zoe began softly, inching just a bit closer and resting a warm hand on River’s chilled skin. “You weren’t dancin’ last night, were ya?”

Shaking her head once, River’s voice took on an ethereal quality as she gazed out at the stars. “No.

“Reliving.”

Silence surrounded them both and it was cold and unyielding. It was the silence brought about by grief and heartache and both women found themselves momentarily paralyzed by it. But Zoe, who had already done her grieving, recovered first.

Tugging gently on River’s arm, she waited until the girl looked to her, before asking, “You ain’t told Rafe ‘bout the Academy or Miranda, have you?”

Fearfully shaking her head, her wild hair flailing about, River muttered, “No, can’t. Won’t understand.”

“Sweetie, you don’t know that,” Zoe reminded her, stilling her movements by placing both of her hands on her cheeks. “An’ hidin’ from him ain’t right. He din’t do nothin’ an’ you’re punishin’ him like he did.”

“Zoe.” River’s voice was stronger than she’d expected and Zoe blinked in shock. Meeting the young girl’s gaze, she continued to stare as River said, “I love him. I didn’t know if I’d ever be capable of it, but I am. And I can’t-“ Faltering, the words wouldn’t come. Swallowing hard, River did her best to hold onto the momentary clarity she felt. Rafe could always settle her mind; sometimes with his presence, sometimes with just a thought. It was a comfort she had not known since Simon and she found herself basking in the minutes and hours of lucidity he brought her. “I won’t be able to live with his rejection.”

Frowning slightly, Zoe spoke in the firm tone she normally saved for Jayne or the Captain when they were acting like idiots. “River, that boy loves you. He done told me that no more than a half hour ago, an’ he’s told everyone on this boat that too. Including you.” As River’s face blushed at the statement, Zoe continued. “You gotta give him a chance to love all o’ you, River. You gotta trust him. It is the scariest thing about love, darlin’, trust me, but you gotta do it.”

“What if he-“ River again found herself unable to complete the question. More tears had fallen down her cheeks and she wiped at them hurriedly, wishing she felt half as strong as the woman who sat before her now.

Smiling softly, Zoe pulled her into a hug and answered her unspoken fear. “Then you come tell me an’ I’ll give him a talkin’ to, dong ma?”

Nodding once, River sighed softly and buried her face in Zoe’s neck, doing all she could to soak up some of the woman’s courage.

“Simon, we jus’ wanted to thank ya ‘gain for settin’ this all up for us.”

Simon smiled softly as he watched the recorded wave playback on the screen. Even though he had yet to meet Kaylee’s parents in person, the sight of her mother’s face and sound of her voice instantly soothed him. He knew that Kaylee had to have grown up in a loving and caring environment, but the woman on the screen now was the epitome of everything a mother should be and Simon found that reassuring.

“We’re all set to land ‘fore the rehearsal supper an’ we got all the directions an’ everythin’ so you don’t gotta sneak ‘way an’ get us.” Smiling brightly, a look that Kaylee had obviously inherited, the woman added, “I think it’s awful shiny o’ you to surprise Kaylee like this.” Blinking away what appeared to be tears, Eleanor Frye fanned her face slightly and said, “Oh, look at me. Gettin’ all weepy an’ the weddin’s more than a month off.”

“Ellie, c’mon now,” a gruff and slightly amused voice said from off screen.

Frowning at the speaker, Ellie scolded, “Jimmy Frye you know I’ll be done when I’m good an’ ready.” Smiling sweetly once again and facing the screen, the woman did attempt to hurry. “Me an’ Jimmy an’ Kaylee’s brothers, Mikey, Henry an’ Martin’ll be there with their wives an’ kids. The lil’ ones are so excited. Can’t believe they’re gonna be flyin’ in a real ship.” At a loud throat clearing from off camera, Ellie scowled again, but did finish quickly. “All right, apparently, I gotta go. We’ll see ya in ‘bout a month, Simon. Thanks again.”

Watching as the screen flashed to black, Simon flipped it off and sat back in his seat, smiling wide. He was excited to meet Kaylee’s parents, more so than most other bridegrooms he’d known. He supposed it had to do with how much he loved to hear Kaylee talk about them. Any time she shared a story from her childhood it sounded idyllic and so far removed from Simon’s own. He marveled at the idea of parents who supported their children wholeheartedly and large family gatherings were everyone, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, showed up to celebrate. While Simon realized it would be a form of organized chaos, he also suspected it would be a form of unmitigated fun too.

The sound of an incoming wave at once startled and annoyed him. He was enjoying his moment of relative peace before having to again brave the trauma wing. Reaching forward to flip the screen back on, his smile melted into a nervous smirk as he greeted his caller. “Mother.”

“Simon, sweetheart, we got the invitation today.” Regan Tam was beaming, her smile wide – not as wide or bright as Ellie Frye’s – but big all the same. “We’re thrilled for you, darling, and for Kaylee.”

“So you’re coming then?” Simon asked hesitantly, not at all surprised when his mother offered him a look of mock horror.

“Of course, we are. You are our son, Simon. This will be one of the most important days of your life.” Leaning towards the screen, Regan’s eyes actually twinkled as she added, “Plus, we are the parents of the groom. We have certain obligations that we need to fulfill.”

“Mother, you really don’t have to-“

Waving away his statement, Regan interrupted, “Nonsense, Simon. I know you may not think this should be a big deal, but it is. And your father and I fully understand our responsibilities.”

Simon prayed that the grimace on his features was distorted by the wave. He had known they would do this, however, he was fairly certain an ‘I told you so’ to Kaylee at this juncture could very well result in calling off the event all together. “I know, mother. I’m sure you’ll conduct yourselves admirably.”

Her eyes narrowing for a moment as if trying to determine whether or not he’d just insulted her, Regan opted to make the statement a joke instead. Chuckling softly, she told him, “All right, son, you be well and your father and I will be back in touch soon with our travel information. I’m so happy for you, dear.”

The screen winked to black again and Simon sat back with a heavy sigh. Rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, he wondered if he could forgo the ‘I told you so’ and try to convince Kaylee of the benefits of eloping instead.

Up next: Chapter 4