I'm posting this early, since I'll be gone tomorrow.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Simon?” Wash called out as he realized the doctor was amongst them. Watching him near he sat up straighter as he couldn’t stand due to his restraints. For hours they had been whispering ideas for plans, but had conceived nothing. He hoped though that Simon had come up with something. The doctor wasn’t too shabby at conjuring up decent plans. However the look on Simon’s face began to dampen what little spirit he had left. Something was horribly wrong.

“Simon?!” Kaylee stood up from her corner as Gambit was chained to the other side of her locker and scaring her. His berserk roaring, thrashing and clawing had stopped and he was more composed, yet the Allaince experiment was panting and letting out growls with each exhale as his predator eyes fixated on Saffron like she was deer. Everyone else looked over at the doctor and stood, wanting the same answer.

Zoe rose up as one of the men pointed a gun at her, motioned for her to stand back, and unlocked her cell, shoving Simon in and locking it. “What’s going on?” She asked quickly.

“Mal’s fine.” He told them, dropping his voice to a volume only Zoe could pick up he continued. “He’s going to live…” His shoulders sank as he heard Saffron’s gun pin click as a warning.

“Don’t fake it.” She warned him. “I’ll be counting how much you used up and I’m watching that needle. You try anything you get to watch your sister bleed out.”

“What does she mean?” Zoe asked, confused, worried as she sensed something worse was on the horizon. She watched as Simon’s head bowed and he knelt, fiddling with his injection gun, cleaning it, inserting a clean needle and extracting the right dosage. The first mate’s face sobered. “Doc,” her voice was hushed and serious. “what are you doin’.”

“I…” He took a deep breath in an attempt to steady his emotions, wetting his lips as he didn’t want to do it. “I… have to do this.” Voice wavering as his head tilted back to reveal guilt wracked eyes. “I’m so sorry… it’s Byphodine….”

Knowing the name as it was the same drug he had used to get into the hospital, she took a seat on the floor. “You know, Allaince used it once in the war. Played dirty and shipped us dead folk in our uniforms, said they were POWs they killed…. They were Alliance on Byphodine.” Her voice was grave as she remembered it “Slaughtered an entire base when they woke up, wearin’ our colors….”

“I’m so sorry…”

“You’re not doin’ it on purpose.” She told him in an inert fashion. Taking his hand, squeezing it to give him strength “She’s threatenin’ you, she’ll do harm ta River, it’s not your fault Simon. Let’s get this over with.” Zoe lay down as comfortably as possible as she could in the tiny locker and felt the tourniquet wrapped around her arm and tightened till it made her arm tingle. The alcohol pad chill her skin as he wiped a bulging vein down.

Wash gaped. “Niang de dou ye-jiu-shi hao, bu.” He muttered tearfully as everyone else looked on.

Simon pressed the gun to her vein, hesitating.

“Do it.” She told him firmly, if not commandingly. “You ain’t killin’ me. I’ll wake up.”

His finger put pressure on the trigger and there was the sound of a puff of air as the needle injected into her vein and the drug spread into her system. Her eyes shut, breathing slowing, color draining from her face until she appeared dead. Pulling the tourniquet off he gathered everything up, dropping the used needle and alcohol pad in the box as the door was unlocked and he stepped out. With the gun pressed to his back, he trudged over to Wash.

“So she’s makin’ ya do this, huh?” He mumbled as he watched Simon prep the injection gun.

Simon wordlessly nodded his head as talking was too much to handle.

“Could you do me a favor?” The pilot asked softly, earnestly. “Could you tuck Marv’ into my coveralls for me?”

The sad blue eyes of the doctor looked into Wash’s own blues in question. But he smirked the tiniest amount and nodded his head as he picked the plastic dinosaur up and tucked him in the inside pocket of Wash’s coverall’s, zipping them up afterwards to keep the stegosaurus in.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.” He felt he didn’t have the right to say ‘you’re welcome’ as he watched the pilot lay down with his hands resting on his stomach as they were attached to the locker and that was the extent of how far the could lower themselves. Rolling a sleeve up, he applied the tourniquet, swabbed and bit his lip. “I’m sorry.” Injecting Wash, he waited until it took effect before cleaning up and moving towards Ru.

Ru had actually heard most of the talk between him and Zoe about the Byphodine, so when he came in, she was already laying on the floor as the others stood watching and piecing it all together. “Byphodine huh?” She said with a forced smirk while holding out her real arm. “Heard of it.” She talked to him as he fixed the gun for another dose, planning she began to mutter low so only he could hear. “If you shoot me in the wrong arm, you think I could fake it and break out? Save the day with some heroics?”

He shook his head and mumbled back. “The injection would short circuit your arm, if the transmitters short circuited all the way to your brain it would actually give you severe damage to your neural tissue and you’d probably die. If not that, you’d be in excruciating pain until someone shut down your cybernetics.”

Giving a slight head nod of understanding, followed by a sigh as another plan was bust, she set her auburn head down on the ground. “I know this sounds as pointless as hell, but have faith, Simon.”

“Right, faith.” He toned sarcastically.

“This ain’t the first time I’ve been screwed over.” She reached with her cybernetic hand and touched his arm, allowing the staples on the skin to brush his as a reminder. “I had faith, not much, but this tiny, stubborn bit that wouldn’t die. Now got proof of how I survived that, survived in un-survivable. So have a little faith. Little faith, little hope goes a long way… Gives you that last push.” She let go and allowed him to apply the tourniquet, winced a bit to the chilly alcohol and saw how his mouth was forming the words as he pressed the gun to her vein. “If you say ‘I’m sorry’ to me, when I wake up I swear I’ll cuff ya upside the head, you blue eyed dork.”

Simon let out a ghost of a chuckle. “I guess I won’t be saying that then.”

Giving a tiny, false smirk, as the fear of being medically dead rattled the most seasoned fighters, she closed her eyes to hide her own anxiety, as the unknown was frightening, and muttered a prayer of serenity to her God. The second prayer, for courage and safety, died on her lips as the Byphodine shut her body down.

He ritualistically waited, cleaned up and left the makeshift cell that was locked as he was led over to Gambit who’s sharp aqua eyes seemed to read everything he was thinking.

Gambit dropped to a crouch before getting on his knees, the chains clattering with each movement. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“Easier said then done.” The doctor muttered under his breath while drawing out a larger dose as Gambit was to be under longer. Glancing over, he saw the skin on his friend's wrists and neck was raw and bloody from his outburst. Wishing he could put some salve on it, Simon pushed that thought to the back of his mind and finished preparing.

“Don’t be afraid either.”

“Why?" Reverting to sarcasm to hid his fear he added. "Is there a sudden miracle you know about that's going to rescue everyone?"

“I have enough fear and pain inside for the both of us.” Gambit proclaimed in a calm manner.

Simon’s eyes riveted up to the blonde’s that hid anything remotely fearful very well. “You’re lying…”

“You’ve never experienced freedom stolen from you like River and I have. Trust me, there’s enough inside for the both of us, just stay strong. Chong chen zhan zhong ruo beng-kui yan ta-men li.” He eased himself down, lying on his back with his feet facing Simon. It made the doctor have to walk over to do the dosing, and the entire time he prepped Gambit for the drug, his friend said nothing. Finally, when he pressed the gun to a vein his friend spoke up. “If you say I’m sorry, I’ll top Ru’s cuff by breaking your foot when I wake up.”

Giving a slight head nod, he pressed the trigger. Once he was done Saffron nudged Gambit’s lifeless body a few times before hauling the doctor over to the second to the last locker.

He braked when he saw Kaylee sitting down and waiting. His breath hitched as his mind rattled off a dozen profanties along with the word 'no' over and over again. Not Kaylee.

“Come on.” Saffron shoved him inside.

Simon stopped breathing as he felt himself sink to a new level of self loathing. Drawing in a lungful of air, he knelt next to her, gave her a glance, but quickly absorbed himself with the near mechanical process of getting everything prepped. Talking to Kaylee would be unbearable he felt.

Kaylee touched his arm, her green eyes serious. “Don’t give me that look,” Trying to be strong, even though her voice noted she was on the verge of tears. “like this’ll all your doin’… ‘cause it ain’t.”

He pulled away from her hands and finished prepping the gun. “I’m sorry.” His voice was barely audible, as he could hardly speak without being overwhelmed with emotion.

“SIMON LOOK AT ME.”

Her voice, normally sweet and sugary as if it had been created in a bakery, was so commanding and downright firm that he instinctively gazed up at her sad green orbs.

Kaylee gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “It ain’t your fault.” One hand cupped his jaw while the other absently brushed his hair out.

“Kaylee..” He wrapped her up in a hug, kissing her hair. Hearing her let out a soft sob, he fought back his own as he felt warm tears on his neck.

Holding onto his arm for balance she pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Best you get this done with.” She muttered, laying down on her side and giving up an arm, trying to hide the fear that was nearly consuming her.

Simon wrapped the tourniquet much slower than he did with the others. “Ji hao de tian, qing-ren.” He whispered to her, heart breaking as he opened the packet with the alcohol pad and took it out, cleaning the inside of her elbow.

"You too." She replied softly. Their eyes met, and for a moment the world just seemed to pause as nothing was said nor done.

Finally Simon broke the eye contact and continued his task as his eyes glistened with tears. “Kaylee… I… I…” Pausing he let out a sigh and stole a glance, saw how she was expectantly waiting for him to say those three magic words, and he drugged her before he forced himself to say the rest. “I’m sorry…" While she sank into an unanimated state, the doctor stroked her hair out and reminded himself that the last person he had to drug was going to break his heart even more than Kaylee did. He left her, sorrowfully, and was placed in the last locker, where Jane was sitting in the corner. Simon had never quite seen the large man so worried, frightened even.

“This gonna hurt?” Jayne asked with what Simon thought was a whimper. The large man was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, like a child at the doctor's office getting a shot.

“The needle will, but after that it’s like falling to sleep.” Simon explained, feeling the sensation of a warm tear trickle down his cheek.

“You cryin’, doc?” The merc looked so scared of being put under that he appeared ready for a hug.

Wiping the rogue tear away as it was from having to drug Kaylee, Clearing his throat he finished prepping the gun. “It’s… Um… it’s nothing.” Simon lied as he took Jayne’s hand.

“Sure I won’t feel anything?” He squeaked. “I… it ain’t.. got the possibility of killin’ me?”

“There’s a five percent chance it may shut down your brain altogether and kill you, but that’s very small, and you’re a very large man.” He put on the tourniquet and noticed Jayne shutting his eyes tight. “You may want to lay down for this.”

Jayne reluctantly laid down the best he could. Which, was more or less with his back up against the side of the wall since he was so big his feet actually touched the other side while sitting. He shut his eyes again as Simon swabbed his arm, and winced. “Doc, if’n I don’t pull through… ya gotta bury Vera with me.”

“You’re not going to die from this… and that was just the alcohol.” The doctor informed him, deciding it was best to walk the merc through it. “Putting the gun on your vein… going to inject in three, two…” He pressed the trigger at two before Jayne could squirm, and watched the big merc let out another whimper before his vitals slowed to nothing. Cleaning up he rose to his feet and walked out.

“One more.” Saffron smiled as she led him to the infirmary.

“You don’t need to sedate her.” He exclaimed in desperation. “She’s a mentally traumatized seventeen year old girl, she’s not going to form a plan and bring you down…”

“Sorry doctor, but I’m not taking chances.” She pressed, taking him to the infirmary. “Only two of you need to be awake, no one else. So sissy gets to take a nap.”

River looked up, tears in her eyes as she had felt each and every one of their friends go to sleep. “Not me… noooo.” Shaking her head she shrunk back when Simon touched her. “Simon, don’t make me sleep… Sleep. Then wake up to see them… Tall and clean, standing proudly in Enohpesrep… all three inside of it and waiting for them…. Take them away… Two by two…”

“River.” Setting everything down he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight as she continued her babbling.

“Hands of blue, two by two…. But… but two minus three equals one… little one… And little one does not fit into the equation, must be subtracted… taken… and bended… Make her better, make her deployable… living weapon amongst the population, special liquid that turns from poison to water when they snap their fingers… two, by two, by two….” The words came out quickly, at a speed where Simon hardly caught any of them as he rocked his body and held her close.

“I’m sorry…” He felt the tear rush his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Fix and make better.” She whimpered into his sweater, clinging to him as a lifeline.

“I tired… I… I tried so hard… I’m sorry.” Stroking her hair he looked up at Saffron, the words stinging as they left his throat. “Uncuff her, she needs to lay down.” Watching the woman do so, he gathered River up once she was free from the stool and slowly walked over to a ledge that was often used as a spare bed. Setting her down, he held the small, curled up form in his lap as he reached to the counter and opened a drawer, taking out a blanket. As Saffron brought the supplies he had forgotten to bring over, he wrapped her up in the blanket, caringly, lovingly, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. For the longest time he just held her close, rocking his body, wiping her tears away as the guilt sank into his bones. Simon felt he could never forgive himself.

“You are such a boob.”

Her words made him pull back in astonishment as she sounded lucid, and when she saw the expression on her face that meant it was a stab at trying to be funny, he let out a small chuckle. “You’re a dummy.” He held her close, feeling her head on his shoulder and letting out a sigh full of mourning as his face once again went from that small moment of happiness to utter sorrow. “I love you.” He pressed his lips to the dark hair, taking one of her slender hands and kissing her knuckles, rubbing them with the pad of his thumb as he watched her eyes actually seem to sharpen even more, as if she was pulling out of her moment of insanity.

“Love you more.” She nuzzled his shoulder. “Saved me.”

“I tried.” Feeling a nudge he looked over and saw the vial of Byphodine and the rest of the tools needed staring back at him.

River cringed, the moment dying with her sudden realization. “Noooo… Simon…”

His plaintive blue eyes gazed up at Saffron for one more desperate attempt to save his little sister.

“Do it.” She ordered, without any care, as care had flown out the window as soon as Inara had locked her in that dumpster. There was no mercy, there was revenge, and screwing Malcolm and his crew over royally for what they had done to her. Brother and sister included.

“I’m sorry.” He took the gun and vial as Saffron had set it on a rolling cart and awkwardly prepped it for River hindered the process. Fingers fumbling, making mistakes as he was hard to do it through bleary vision. Yet it was prepped, and he put it to the side and pulled the tourniquet onto River’s arm.

“Siiiimooon.” His sibling cried softly, trying to hide herself by pressing close against him.

“Shhhh… I know… I know.” He took her arm and swabbed it. Sniffling, wiping the tears away he took the gun and pressed it steadily to her vein. “I’m so sorry… River…” Pulling the trigger, watching a gasp, wide brown eyes that gave him an expression that made his gut wrench, then her face calm as she stopped breathing and her body relaxed. Setting the gun down, pulling the tourniquet off, he pulled his feet up onto the makeshift bed and cradled her limp frame. “I’m sorry.”

Simon didn’t move for hours.

*****

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***** TRANSLATION *Niang de dou ye-jiu-shi hao, bu: Mother of all that is good, no

*Chong chen zhan zhong ruo beng-kui yan ta-men li: The strong continue to fight while the weak crumble where they stand.

*Ji hao de tian, qing-ren: Remember the good of the day, sweetheart