BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

COMPANION1985

New Beginnings: Hoban Chapter 3
Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Job threatens to go south


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2101    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Ben and Mikie were hiding just out of sight, when Freddie walked up the gangway, her long blonde hair swinging down to her hips, and a smile that would knock most men off their feet. She wore a beautiful silk gown, and she carried a small bag for the week’s events. “Inara, I’m so glad you could see me!” Freddie exclaimed. “Freddie, this is Captain Zoe Alleyne. Zoe, this is Frederika Erneston.” Zoe extended a hand, and Freddie grabbed her and gave her a big hug. When Zoe straightened up, Freddie said; “I insist you call me Freddie.” “Welcome aboard Freddie, you can call me Zoe. During your stay with us, feel free to wander my Ship. My crew are friendly, and curious to meet you.” Inara jumped in, eager to lead the conversation away from wandering the ship. “Or, you can stay in my shuttle, if you would prefer the privacy.” “Of course.” Said Zoe, taking the hint. “I have to go and prepare the Ship for take-off, please excuse me” She took a short bow, and left. Inara lead Freddie up the stairs to the beautifully prepared Shuttle, and poured the Tea for them both. They sat talking until the Ship had left Osiris. As Zoe had been heading back to the cock-pit, she found Ben and Mikie staring, open-mouthed, at where Inara and Freddie had just been standing. “I don’t think I have ever seen someone so beautiful” Said Ben, full of awe. “Gentlemen, I hope you were not staring at our esteemed guest. Now get to work. We need to be on Whitefall in 72 hours.” Zoe ordered. “Yes Cap’n” They said in unison. ********************************************************************************** Back in Inara’s shuttle, Freddie lay down on her back on the soft silken bed, and let Inara’s deep kisses continue. The warmth of Inara’s mouth spread down Freddie’s body, and she arched against it. Inara moved her hands so skilfully and delicately over the naked brown skin, caressing every inch in her hands, and touching every inch with her lips. She concentrated all her efforts and skills on Freddie now, listening to the steady breaths, watching the rise and fall of her chest, feeling the explosion of pleasure shake through Freddie’s body. Inara really was a Goddess, there was no doubt there. ********************************************************************************** After some time in the black, Freddie had found her way to the Galley, where she had found Zoe sitting up, cleaning her gun. “You run a tight ship here, Captain Alleyne.” She said. “Thank you Freddie, and please call me Zoe. It is rather informal here.” “That is one beautiful Gun, Zoe. I had one similar myself many years ago.” “It was standard issue during the War.” Replied Zoe. She ran her hand down the length of the barrel. “Never did shoot too far wrong, did it?” Said Freddie, in a rather matter-of-fact way. “Which regiment were you in?” “57th Overlanders. Fought at Serenity Valley.” Came the cold response from Zoe, certain she was talking to an Alliance Sympathiser. “My Dad pulled me out of the Independents force after Du-Khang. Told me I was gunna get myself killed, and sent me to the looney-bin. Told me the Alliance was the way forward.” Zoe looked up at Freddie. “You fought in the War? For the Independents?” “Yeah. Couldn’t stand being told what to think, how to think, all that feui shui. Plus, my Pa now got me hooked up with some big-wig in Blue Sun, I can’t take that. Booked my week with ‘Nara to try and get away from it all.” ******************************************************************************** Landing on Whitefall, Patience met them. She met them with about 12 gunmen. Apparently, Zoe had been asking for a little too much for the meds. With the distinct lack of any help, due to Mikie and Ben’s inability to shoot straight, Zoe managed to bring down 8 of the men before Patience had her in a tight spot. Zoe lay on the ground, with her armour fractured, and 3 guns to various parts of her anatomy, when a bullet fired passed her, and hit one of the gunhands square between the eyes.

COMMENTS

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 1:36 PM

COLT999


Could it be Zoe's new Merc just joined the crew?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 5:22 PM

RONINWRITER


Woooo, slow down!

I just read your first story part yesterday. Was quite interesting and it was very different than anything that Ive read before. Its very dark, but still, I like the idea. So, please take what Im about to say as CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. You need to go a bit slower in your story. It seems way too much is being introduced way too quickly to be assimilated.

For example, you could have broken your first post into 3 parts. 1: how zoe lost her child(everyone is prolly fine with her being pregnant post movie, I would think) but there is an entire chapter right there on how she lost her child. 2) her coming to the decision to leave serinity. There are 6 other people keep in mind that will speak to her, trying to keep her there. Thats six arguments she needs to have 3) the meeting with Wash's brother. That is deserving a short post all its own.

Now, with that said, you've presented what you have in a whorlwind. I really think you might want to slow down and examine what your charaters are thinking and take your time. You have something very unique here. Zoe is going to have to learn to go from 2nd in command to 1st. Dealing with Patients is going to be a trial by fire. Even I have not put my characters up against her yet.


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