Greetings all. This one is a totally off-the-cuff invention that started tormenting me in North Carolina. I threw it together this morning at around four a.m. while sitting at a terminal in Laredo Texas, haven't really beta-ed it or anything, but it's outta my head and on your screen. Enjoy or not, as you choose.

INTERIOR SERENITY TRAILER

HFK stands before the assembled crew. Archer sits on a box nearest him, with the rest more or less settled around the folding table used for dining purposes. Behind HFK, Maguinan sits playing with a ball of yarn.

HFK "Understand that I'm smart. 172% on the Geek test, third in my class at Delaware State, figured out exactly how the NFL quarterback rating formula works, things like that. So I say I'm smart, and you have to understand, my sister makes me look slow."

Everyone looks at Maguinan, playing with her ball of yarn. She drops it, and it rolls down past her foot, the loose end trailing behind it. Grabbing the string, she yanks it. The ball unravels further and rolls away from her foot. With a frustrated expression, she gives it another tug, same result. Finally, a look of intense determination on her face, she takes the string in both hands and gives it a mighty yank. The ball of yarn bounces, unravels quickly, and rolls right out of the trailer. So she tugs on the string AGAIN.

Everyone looks at HFK. Maniac smirks.

HFK "Er, she really does... or did... make me look slow."

Behind him and no longer being observed, Maguinan smiles a sneaky smile, tosses the piece of string and starts fiddling with a Rubik's Cube.

HFK "So to start from the beginning..."

Archer puts up a hand.

Archer "Hold on there."

He picks up a spiral notebook that has been sitting next to him.

"Figured we might save some time if we got our questions down on paper. Everybody chipped in with what they were wonderin' about."

HFK nods reluctantly.

Archer "Okay, first question. 'Your sister is pretty hot. Is she seeing anybody?'"

Everyone turns to glare at Maniac, who shrugs.

Maniac "Hey, you said any questions we had."

Archer sighs, then looks back at the notebook.

Archer "Next one. 'You're really cute. Are you seeing anyone?'" (beat) "That, uh, that's what's written here, that's not me..."

Archer turns to look back at Kaythryn, who smiles and waves at HFK, who blushes and gives a fidgety wave in return.

Archer "Moving right along, gorramit. 'In this day and age, with self-defense classes proliferating at universities across the nation, nobody should find anything suspicious in a perfectly normal, inobtrusive college professor knowing a little Ju-Jitsu, right?'"

HFK pauses and considers that.

HFK "Seems normal to me."

Everyone else except Kaythryn turns a suspicion-laden gaze upon Wulfhawk, who is the picture of innocence.

Defender "The next question is very relevant."

Archer "Getting to it, getting to it. Okay, let's see... 'Since you are a... quaty? quality? yeah, quality gecko... gecko?"

Defender (impatient) "Qualified geek."

Archer "Qualified geek. Fine. "Since you are a qualified geek, would you know how to fix the air... air... condominium?"

Defender "Air conditioning! Can you fix the air conditioning in my SUV?!?"

HFK "Maybe..."

Archer "Do they send lawyers to the same handwriting illegibility classes they send doctors to?"

Defender shoots a glare at Archer that could freeze an active volcano.

Archer "For christ's sake people, this is serious. Okay, Lerx's question. "Now I have a girl with a machinegun, ho ho ho."

Archer slaps the notebook on his thigh, releases it and rubs his face with both hands. Finally, he extends one arm behind him in a single-finger salute to Lerx, who smirks, puts his thumb to his nose and waggles his fingers in reply. Sarah sits cuddled up to Lerx, field-stripped MP-5 in her lap. She releases the cleaning rod for a moment and pats Lerx on the cheek affectionately.

Archer (resuming reading) "'Good, bad, I'm the guy with the girl with the g...'"

Archer turns around to look at Lerx, exasperated.

Archer "Don't you have some kind of truckdrivery thing to do, clutching, steering, somethin' like that?"

Lerx "We're parked."

Archer "Which will make throwing you off the trailer so much less satisfying."

Sarah's head snaps up, shock on her face.

Sarah "SIR!"

Archer "Just friendly male banter, Sarah. Honest."

Archer and Lerx offer each other bright, fakey smiles. Archer looks back at the notebook.

Archer "Okay, skipping down a few..."

Archer realizes that the remaining fifteen lines on the page are covered with colorful 'Lerxisms' and flips the sheet over. Then he flips to yet the next page.

Archer "Aha!"

Archer recognizes Sarah's elegant penmanship and prepares to FINALLY come out with a relevant and useful question. He raises his voice a bit and starts reading. Sarah's head snaps up again.

Archer "'Sir, do not read this out loud. When you were picking up the laptop, your... pants... split...'"

Archer reaches around behind him and then quickly slides around so his backside is now covered by a crate. He then tosses the notebook over his shoulder. It flies in a high, curving arc and lands by Maniac's boot.

Archer (to HFK) "Okay, we're wasting time here. Why don't you start at the beginning?"