Did what I could with this section, but not so much funny ha-ha as previous ones allowed. So I contented myself with a few tweaks from the original script and the usual context changes. Figure the spoofy goodness shall pick up over the next few installments.

All rights reserved for thems that own 'em, yadda yadda.

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INT. Serenity Trailer - CONTINUING

HFK "Maguinan was more than gifted. She... she was a gift. Everything she did, music, math, theoretical physics -even-even dance -- there was nothing that didn't come as naturally to her as breathing does to us."

(smiles, remembering)

"She could be a real... brat about it, too. I mean, she used to hit me with her guitar all the time--"

HFK trails off for a moment. Maniac stands, going to refill his mug. At his movement, HFK collects himself.

HFK (cont'd) "There was a... a school... a, uh, a government-sponsored academy, we had never even heard of it but it had the most exciting program, the most challenging. We could have sent her anywhere, we had the money, but she wanted to go. She wanted to learn. She was fourteen." (long beat) "I..."

A moment of bitter emotion, then he pulls it together.

HFK (cont'd) "I got a few letters at first, and then I didn't hear for months. Finally I got a letter that made no sense. She-she talked about things that never happened, jokes we never... it was code. It just said..." (beat) "'They're hurting us. Get me out.'"

Sarah "How did you do it?"

HFK "Money. And, and luck. For two years, I couldn't get near her. Then I was contacted by some men, some underground movement. They-they said she was in danger, that-that the government was... playing with her brain. If I funded them they could sneak her out in cryo. Get her to Smithville, and from there, I could take her... wherever."

Defender "Will she be all right?"

HFK "I don't know if she'll be all right. I don't know what they did to her, or why. I-I just have to keep her safe."

There is a moment.

Wulfhawk "That's... quite a story, son."

Archer "Yeah, it's a tale of woe. Very stirring, but in the meantime, you've heaped a world of trouble on me and mine."

HFK "I never thought --"

Archer "No, I don't imagine you thought. In consequence of which we got a kidnapped federal officer on board, we got the cops hard on our trail, and our laptop..."

He doesn't say it.

Sarah (to Lerx) "How much do the cops know?"

Lerx "I can't say. I killed the message pretty quick, so they might just have had our position."

Archer "Or they might have personal profiles on each and every one of us. 'Til that fed wakes up, we won't know."

Maniac "So what do we do?"

A moment as Archer thinks, looking at his crew. Looks at Defender.

Archer "The job. We finish the job. I got word from Channain, she's waiting for us. We circle 'round to Del Rio, make the deal, get out. Keep flying."

HFK "What about us?"

Archer looks at him a moment.

Archer "Computer comes through, you and your sister'll get off at Del Rio."

HFK "If it doesn't come through?"

Archer "Then you're gettin' off a mite sooner."

Wulfhawk "That'd be murder."

Archer "Boy made a decision."

Defender "He didn't shoot it."

Maniac "No, but somebody on this truck did and I'm scratching my head as to why we ain't dealt with him."

And now the room gets louder, people start talking over each other...

Sarah "Kill a Fed? Can you think of a stupider thing to do?"

Maniac "He can I.D. us all."

HFK "You wanna throw me out the back, fine, but Maguinan's not a part of this."

Lerx "Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?"

Archer "We don't vote on my truck because my truck is not the rutting town hall!"

Defender "This is insanity. Archer..."

Lerx "I happen to think we're a ways beyond that now, sir." (to Sarah) "Come on, we're gonna talk this through, yeah?"

Sarah doesn't answer. Lerx is truly pissed.

Wulfhawk "I'll not sit by while there's killing here."

Maniac (smiling) "Professor's got a mean streak. We'd best walk soft."

Archer "Mino... nimenno... bizui... EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP!" (they do) "Way it is is the way it is. We got to deal with what's in front of us."

Defender "Archer, you know those two wouldn't survive a day in Del Rio anyway. You throw them out, I'm leaving too."

Archer "It might be best you do. You ain't a part of this business."

He exits toward the back. She looks startled, then resigned.

INT. TRAILER, CONTINUING

HFK follows him.

HFK "What business is that, exactly?"

Archer turns and gives him a murderous look, but HFK doesn't back down.

HFK (cont'd) "I'm a dead man, I can't know? Is it gold? Drugs? Pirate treasure? Akira Fubuki porn? What is it that makes you so afraid of the government?"

Archer "You don't wanna go down this road with me, boy."

HFK "Oh, you're not afraid of them? I already know you'd sell me out to them for a pat on the head. Hell, you should probably be working for them. You certainly fit the profile --"

Archer kicks him in the shin. HFK hops around yelling.

The rest are looking at them, Maniac in the foreground.

Maniac (smugly) "Saw that comin'."

EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUING

Serenity, still driving.

INT. SERGEANT X'S ROOM - LATER

Maniac and Archer are in the sleeper with the tied and gagged cop. Archer pulls the duct tape off and Sergeant X grunts in pain.

Archer "I'm in a tricky position, I guess you know. Got me a truckload of terribly strange folk making my life a little more interesting than I generally like, chief among them an fed mole. Likes to shoot at girls when he's nervous. Now I got to know how close the Feds are, exactly how much you told them before Lerx scrambled your call. So... I've given Maniac here the job of finding out."

Maniac pulls out a big-ass knife.

Maniac (to Sergeant X) "He was non-specific as to how."

Archer says to Maniac, very quietly:

Archer "Now you only gotta scare him."

Maniac (grinning at Sergeant X) "Unanaesthetized castration is scary..."

Archer "Just do it right. He bleeds on the upholstery, it comes out of your pay."

Archer exits, shutting Maniac in with Sergeant X.

Sergeant X "Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?"

Maniac sits down on a chair across from Sergeant X.

Maniac "Gee, I never been in trouble with the law before..."

Sergeant X "Not like this you haven't. You think this is just a smuggling rap? The package that boy is carrying --"

Maniac "It's a girl. She's cute, too, but I don't think she's all there, y'know?" (ugly grin) "'Course, not all of her has to be..."

Sergeant X "That girl is a precious commodity. They'll come after her. Long after you bury me they'll be coming."

Maniac "Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, Sergeant X -- what's your first name?"

Sergeant X (reluctantly) "Sarge."

Maniac "Sarge. No, I'm just gonna cut on ya' 'til you tell me how much they know."

Sergeant X "They know everything. They know every name, every record -- they know how many nosehairs you've got."

Maniac (genuinely disappointed) "Ah, see -- they don't know a damn thing. It's all over your face, I ain't even... Was gonna get me a ear, too. Aren't you an officer of the law? Well, don't they teach you how to withstand interrogation? Can't even tell a damn lie."

Sergeant X "Okay. I can see you're not an idiot."

Maniac "Wish I could say the same, Sarge, but... this is disappointing as hell."

Sergeant X "Let me speak the language you will understand. Money. This girl is worth a lot of money. I mean a lot. You kill me, there's nothing. But if you help me out, you'll have enough to buy your own ship. A better one than this piece of crap."

Maniac "Does helping you out mean turning on the Captain?"

Sergeant X "Yes, it does."

INTERIOR, SERENITY CAB Archer arrives in the cab, moving fast. It's dark, chaotic. Lerx is watching a screen, very apprehensive.

Archer "How the Hell did they find us? I thought you said we could get around 'em."

Lerx "It's not the cops."

Archer "You're sure?"

Lerx "It's a different set of wheels."

Archer "Commercial?"

Lerx "Uh, yeah, I read it as an older model KW needlenose."

Archer "I didn't think needlenoses still operated."

Lerx "They don't."

Archer "Get me a visual."

Lerx "They're still too far out to --"

Archer "Get me something!"

Lerx "I'm picking up a lot of CB chatter. Word is, they're spinning triple digits. That's nuts! Nobody blows Van Horn at over a hundred. Cops always speedtrap there."

He looks at Archer, getting it.

Archer "Bullhaulers."

Archer looks out toward a tiny speck that approaches them.

EXT. HIGHWAY I-10 - CONTINUING

Where we see, for the first time, the trio of trucks. Once they were commercial vehicles, now they're war machines. Tricked out, ornament and painted, with giant torpedo-looking tubes jerry-rigged near the front. Everything about these trucks says 'savage'.

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

Where Archer continues to stare ahead, and Lerx repeats softly:

Lerx "Oh god." (beat) "Oh god, oh god, oh god..."

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT. TRAILER- CONTINUING

Archer (O.S.) "This is the captain."

INT. MANIAC'S BUNK- CONTINUING

Maniac sits on his bunk, holding a big gun.

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

Zoe is standing just inside the curtain, next to HFK, she has stopped to listen.

Archer (O.S.) "We're passing a convoy. Looks to be Bullhaulers. From the size, probably a backhaul from Denver."

INT. DEFENDER'S SUV - CONTINUING

She listens, too. Gravely.

Archer (O.S.) "Could be they're headed somewhere particular, could be they've already hit someone and they're full up. So everyone stay calm."

INT. MANIAC'S BUNK - CONTINUING

Maniac pulls down a decorative blanket to reveal an arsenal on his wall. He his silent and serious.

Archer (O.S.) "We try to run, they'll have to chase us. It's their way. We're holding course. We should be passing 'em in a minute, so we'll see what they do."

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

Archer "Sarah, you come on up to the cab."

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

Sarah is going as HFK stops her with:

HFK "Wait -- I-I don't understand."

Sarah "You've never heard of Bullhaulers?

HFK "Well... campfire stories... Men gone savage on the edge of civilization, killing, and..."

Sarah "They're not stories."

HFK "What happens if they board us?"

Sarah "If they take the truck, they'll bore us to death with bullshit stories, lie about their engines, constantly try to feel us up, and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order."

She exits.

EXT. HIGHWAY I-10 - CONTINUING

We see the trucks nearing each other. Quickly and loudly.

INT. MANIAC'S BUNK - CONTINUING

Maniac is loading bullets the size of D batteries into a big-ass rifle. His hands are shaking slightly.

EXT. HIGHWAY I-10 - CONTINUING

The trucks are almost upon one another. The Bullhauler trucks are nearly twice the size of the FLD.

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

Sarah enters, says nothing. She stands behind Lerx, slips her hand onto his shoulder. He covers it with his own.

Lerx looks out the window at the ship, sees the attachments on the front. Also speaks softly.

Lerx "There's a magnetic grappler. They get ahold of us with that..."

Archer "Just tell me if they come across the median."

They wait.

Everybody waits.

EXT. HIGHWAY I-10 - CONTINUING

The trucks roar by each other.

INT. CAB - CONTINUING

After a few long seconds...

Lerx "They're holding course."

Archer lets out a long breath. Looks at the other two.

Lerx (cont'd) "I guess they weren't hungry. Didn't expect to see them here..."

Sarah "They're pushing out further every year, too."

Archer "Gettin' awful crowded on my highway."