Sorry about the wait, life is busy and it's taken awhile for this chapter to come into fruitation. Also, I would like to apologize if I came off a little curt or un-nice with the last post in regards to babyfic. My only excuse is I was on cold meds (which is also why I haven't posted for awhile) and colds... along with the meds, make my atriculation all loopy.

Now, onto the chapter.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No, I wanna go home!"

"So do I!"

"But you can't go on MY horse!"

"Well it's the only one!"

"Tough luck sugarpop but you can't take 'em! Now you're welcome to come with me ta my home.... don't exactly know how my'll boss'll take it but you'll be treated right."

"I don't want to go to your home, I want to go to mine!"

"Then start walkin!"

"They'll find me and kill me!"

"Well hell dontcha think I done e'nuff fer you? Now you can take my offer or take yer chances. Trust me I ain't always this nice! Caught me at a good time!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!" Jayne snarled at Aveline, beet red as she was glaring up at him with her petite face plenty miffed itself. They hadn't gotten on the right foot, since... well since the very beginning, and Jayne was thinking how he just should have taken her home and avoided trouble. Sure, everyone would have chewed him out for buying a wife, but he had killed some joe and now she was turning out to be an ungrateful, tough little bag of cactus that wasn't below hitting him in the soft spot. With his massive arms folded to his chest, he rumbled out. "Git. Caused me 'nuff grief."

With a scowl, she turned and stalked off to her homesite.

"Women." He huffed, turning around himself to fetch Donner from the stream. "Quit loungin' we gotta go."

Donner, looked up from his spot on the small stream, munching on his yummy green shoots. Seeing the woman spinning around, picking up a branch and prowling back as Jayne lumbered forward, he nickered.

"Don't protest ya giant rawhide." Jayne untied the reins with growl. "I'm sore as hell, don't wanna put up with your lip.

The horse pushed his ears back and nickered again, as she was right behind his master.

"Didn't I tell you to shut...."

Thok.

That was the hollow sound the tree branch made against his head. Once again, Jayne was down like a sack of rice.

Donner gazed down at the merc and grunted. He wasn't the stupid one.

Aveline stared down, feeling somewhat guilty, but not enough to change her mind. Bending over, she attempted to pick up his weight, yet found that near impossible. He was like a giant chunk of lead, and she could barely roll him over much less pick him up.

She had an idea.

Taking the noose formally used to hang him, she slipped it over his foot, then tossed the other end up over a tree limb. Attaching that end to Donner's saddle, she clicked her tongue.

The horse understood and followed her as she walked, pulling Jayne up by the ankle in the process.

"Whoa, whoa." Grabbing the rope from the saddle horn, she lifted it off, but before it yanked her up into the air she wedged the knot in a fork on a low hanging branch.

Jayne hung, swinging like a side of beef.

Guiding Donner back over so he was over the spot Jayne Cobb hung from, she hit the knot out of the low fork, and watched as the man who had saved her life dropped onto the back of the horse. Satisfied, she gathered the guns, climbed into the saddle herself, tied him down, and took the reins.

Heading off to her home, a giant her hostage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon was apparently needed for something other than private time with his sweetie.

As he went into Serenity, he heard the voices loud and clear.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Well I'm beginnin' ta think that's the case lil' Tam! And here I thought we were hunky dory! You were all un-crazied!"

"Not crazy, protective you bu-ren dai de mai."

"They're cats! And it won't hurt them none!"

"Then do it to your dogs!"

"Point is we might need more dogs, not more..."

"Do it to yourself!"

"Ex... excuse me?"

Malcolm's voice was mighty high by the time Simon and Kaylee rounded the corner to get the full view of what mayhem was ensuing. Mal, was seated in the exam chair, with a chopstick embedded in his bicep. River was standing next to sharp objects, her cats on the counter appearing just as ruffled as she was. Narrowed eyes, fluffed fur, flat ears and lashing tails as they stared down the captain and cowboy. Zoe was off in the corner, not extremely worried but keeping an eye on his sister, and Inara was giving Mal her 'you did this to yourself you stupid, stupid man' expression.

"Oh my... it's gotten worse." Kaylee muttered under her breath. When she had left, there hadn't been a chopstick involved. She had just gone to pick up Simon to help with getting River to agree to neutering her cats. However instead of in the kitchen, everyone was now in the infirmary with a foriegn object in the captain.

Mal looked up and began to go off on Simon. "What the da-cao-yuan niao took you so long?! I swear ta god if you two canoodled..."

"Will you stop it Mal?" Inara chastized. "Only you could get impaled with a chopstick, it being your fault and harp about everyone else."

"Be glad I didn't use a spatula." River noted darkly.

York hissed.

"Hey! I was just tellin' it like it is!" He griped up, trying to move his arm yet stopping and yelping in pain. "SIMON! Quit standin' there and be useful!"

Simon glanced around and quickly sprung to action. "Alright, everyone not injured nor the cause of the injury step out." Heading briskly over to the counter, he shooed the cats off the counter.

Boston didn't move, he hissed at the doctor.

Simon shifted his eyes to River for an interpetation as he shut the infirmary doors.

"Boston wants you to castrate the man and his silly dog." River announced.

"Wo yao zhuan na mao huan yi lian ba." Mal threatened. "Jiu liang huo xue!"

"Shi-tu ta." River uttered in a violent tone.

"Captain." Simon voiced, signaling him to be quite as he addressed a very defensive River Tam. "River, is that what's Boston's thinking?"

"He's very intelligent, more than some mongrel." She explained, picking her cat up and letting him perch on her shoulder.

Boston nuzzled her ear, tail wrapping around her neck.

"Did you project something to Boston?" River did have the ability to project, though she hadn't been able to with anyone human. So far the talent was only able to reach the more easily accessable minds of animals. However it meant she had a deep relationship with her cats, for she was constantly projecting to them and reading their responses. Often proving the brother felines were very bright.

She nodded her head.

"Mraaa." Boston appeared to agree.

"That what?"

"He wants you to neuter them." She declared in disgust.

Boston fluffed himself, letting out a kitty growl as River projected the image of that in his mind.

Simon arched a brow and turned to the skewered captain with a mien of reproach.

"What? It started off nice enough." The captain defended. "I just said, very cordially I might add, that we best look inta gettin' you to fix the cats. If you fix cats before they start sprayin' urine all over the place, they'll never do it, plus we don't want kittens. Two's enough."

"And I said they won't spray." River replied through clenched teeth. "I'll tell them not to and they won't."

"I still don't want more cats. Ya git too many and they become pests!"

"Then you have to fix your dogs!"

"I MIGHT NEED MORE DOGS!" Mal hollered.

"Clearly shouting only gets you harpooned, Mal." Simon shut him up as he quickly disinfected the counter before setting up a tray. "River, are you sure you want more cats? You know as soon as York and Boston hit puberty they'll be out scouting for females. They won't be yours anymore."

River's face relaxed, and shrank fearfully. Turning, she looked at her shoulder cat and silently asked him.

It was obvious Boston was responding, because he purred and rubbed his cheek against her own.

The teen's face brightened confidently. "He say's he'll never leave me." She stuck her tongue out at Mal.

"Well... then how about you two compromise. One cat gets fixed, one dog gets fixed." Snapping on a pair of gloves, before Mal could protest, because he was in his bullheaded 'my way or the highway' mentality, Simon quickly disinfected the sight around the wound and expertly pulled the chopstick out.

Reynolds yelped. "Meng-ren, Zheng-shuo er zi de yi shuang tuo biao-zi! What's your problem?!"

"Sorry, a little pain." Simon pressed gauze to the hole, taking the time to watch River mulled the prospect of allowing one of her precious cats to go under the knife. "As for a dog, I'll volunteer Churchill, so all I need is a cat. That way, there's one dog or cat to repopulate if needed."

Raven black hair spilled into River's face, hooding her eyes so they didn't show the conflict. Taking Boston in her arms, she slipped out of the infirmary to ponder the new dilemma.

"Captain, I must say you're being remarkably pertinacious today." Checking the bleeding, he set the gauze down and prepared a weave. "Either that or I might start thinking the world becomes shot to hell when I leave."

"Don't give yourself too much credit." Mal grumbled. "'Sides, you're only calm because Kaylee worked your knots out." Wincing he added. "Couldn't you have given something for the pain?"

"Regarding Kaylee, that's only partially true. And regarding the pain, here." He took a needle and pulled the cap off with his teeth before squirting the contents around the site to numb it. After putting the cap back on, he resumed work. "Getting off topic, how's fatherhood? Heard you're quite the daddy."

"I know you're tryin' ta be all sarcasmic, but in truth it all that bad... I mean I ain't too soft either." He corrected.

"Nonsense, Kaylee told me so, you're apparently as soft as they come." Simon ribbed while applying the weave. "Meilin has you wrapped around her little finger already."

"That girl of yours talks too much."

***** ***** *****

DEFINITIONS/TRANSLATIONS

bu-ren dai de mai: Heartless bag of oats

da-cao-yuan niao : Prairie piss

Wo yao zhuan na mao huan yi lian ba: I am going to turn that cat into a pratice target

Jiu liang huo xue!: Then some warm boots!

Shi-tu ta: Try it

Meng-ren, Zheng-shuo er zi de yi shuang tuo biao-zi: Mary, Jospeh and some of a two headed whore!