Serenity. River leaned back in pilot’s chair, running her hands across the cold metal of the console. Mustn’t touch, mustn’t flick switches. Mustn’t fly. Too sick. Sick enough to make everyone else sick. Plague of madness. Too dangerous, much too dangerous to fly. Smashed, smooshed, squished into itty-bitty pieces. Pieces so small you have to look to find them. Like inside me. Inside my head, little itty bitty pieces. Brain broken. Simon tried to fix me but nothing works forever, not even the best patch job. Kaylee fixes Serenity like Simon fixes me. Find new pieces, new drugs. It works for a while then things break down again. The River machine. Part of it was working, working so well. Spent so long searching for a place. Found one in the glowing dials and soft cushioned chair. A useful place. Helping. Then I broke again. Got sick again. Dangerous again. Round and round, back and forward, can’t find a place. Found a home. Serenity is home. No place here. Can’t help anymore. Only hurt, always hurt. Hurt the Shepherd; dead for hiding me. Book, his contradictions and his love for them all. Dead now. Love no more. Hurt Wash; dead for running with me. Leaf on the wind of fire; caught alight and burned away. Hurt the crew, losing friends and loved ones. All the people who helped, all the ones who hunted. So much hurt and death and pain and suffering and tragedy. A single tear worked its way down her cheek, quivering for a moment at the point of her chin, a liquid diamond. Then it fell, blossoming into a shear patch on the pure white of her dress. Good too. The truth. The truth helped. Opened people’s eyes. Stopped more evil. Enough evil had been done. She still had headaches. Bad dreams. So much rage and hate and- She shut her eyes, blocking out the images. The good. The good. Kaylee and Simon, happy. Together. Simon finding someone outside of her. A small good. Important. Still River is trapped here. Back to drifting around the ship. Like a bird cut off from its flock. No more flying. No more freedom. Back to drugs. Back to being broken