WASH: DOUBLE BOOKED

by AintWeJust

Part 2: Headwinds

This here is the second chapter of a sequel to WASH: CONNECTING FLIGHT, so you might want to go read that first. Just a suggestion. *grin*

Zoe walked alongside Linda as they headed back to the ship. She watched the pilot glide across the pasture, the hem of her dress swirling around her legs.

“Why in the name of Earth That Was would you wear that to a shooting lesson?” Her smile became a grin. “Not that Jayne complained, I’m sure, and it is a pretty dress and all, but … it’s all manner of odd, don’t you think?”

Linda sighed, and nodded her head towards the cargo bay door. “Blame the matchmaking mechanic over there. She decided the lesson was a date, and demanded I dress for the occasion.” Zoe smothered a laugh, and Linda gave her an exasperated look. “It’s not funny, Zoe. I’m lucky I got away this easily. This …” She waved her hands over the front of her outfit. “ … was actually a compromise.”

“A compromise? That?”

The pilot nodded. “Kaylee wanted me out here in a bikini before the whole ‘date’ thing came up.”

“Ah. That explains why she’s standin’ in the cargo bay ready to go swimming when there ain’t a drop of water in sight.” Zoe shook her head. “Girl, you need to learn to push back when she pushes.”

“I know.” Linda hung her head. “It’s just … she’s just so gorram cute! And when she uses those puppy eyes, it’s like I can’t say anything but yes. My little sister did the same thing when I was growing up.”

“Really? My husband’s sister was the same way.” Zoe looked down briefly as they reached Serenity. “Or so he used to say. I never did get to meet her.”

“Cuteness is the secret weapon of little sisters everywhere.” Wash smiled, remembering the little girl who made his former life miserable growing up.

Zoe eyed Linda curiously. “I never said she was younger.”

Wash stirred inside, and gave Zoe a grin. “Well, I was the older sister, and I never once got to use my puppy eyes on anyone. I’m figuring it’s just little sisters who get to do that — some kind of wacky Alliance law.”

The first mate nodded and fell silent.

‘Remembering too much has its downside,’ Wash thought. ‘I nearly tripped myself up there.’

‘No worries, I’m thinking,’ River thought back. ‘Zoe would have to take a big leap into the black to even guess her husband was walking beside her.’

They reached the cargo bay door, and Zoe stepped up into the ship.

“Best put something on over that pretty suit, Kaylee,” she said to the mechanic. “We’ve got a cargo to pick up, and the Captain wants us there sooner rather than later. So head for the engine room and get our girl ready to fly.”

“I thought I got her ready to fly a few hours ago.” Kaylee grinned at Linda and gave her a wink. Wash threw her a pout, cocked a hip, and folded her arms under her breasts. River had to stifle a mental giggle over the picture of aggrieved femininity that the pilot presented so easily.

The mechanic saw the look in Zoe’s eyes and pretended to realize her error. “Oh, you mean Serenity!”

Zoe gave the mechanic a no-nonsense look, the kind Wash remembered from his days as her husband. “Yes, I mean Serenity. And for the record, playin’ matchmaker for Linda and Jayne isn’t in your job description. Let the woman do her own courtin’ … or not. It’s her choice, dohn-mah?”

The first mate brushed past the group without waiting for an answer, and headed for the stairs up to the cockpit. Kaylee turned to look at her back. “I never said it wasn’t,” she said softly, a little hurt in her voice. She turned to Linda.

“You aren’t mad at me for getting you to dress that way, are you, jei mei?”

Wash sighed. “A little, Kaylee. Listen, I know you’re just trying to help. You want Jayne and I to be a couple, but I need time. We need time, he and I, to get to know each other a little better and decide for ourselves what we want. If things move forward too fast, it won’t be right. Don’t you see?”

‘Very nice, Wash.’ River’s mental voice came over a little cool. ‘Almost too nice,’ she continued to herself.

The pilot took a deep breath and continued on quickly. “Like you and Simon — it took a while for you two to get together, didn’t it?”

Simon and Kaylee looked at each other, and back at Linda. “Yes, it did,” Simon said slowly, his arm still around Kaylee. “How did you know that?”

Wash cursed herself and thought fast. “I didn’t,” she replied with a smile, “But you two are so perfect together, and good things always come to those who wait. I bet you two danced around the issue for months.”

Kaylee nodded. “Longer than I wanted,” she said sadly.

“And now you’re pushing Jayne and me together because you don’t want me to wait the way you did.” Linda reached out and put her hand on the mechanic’s arm. “But I’m not you, Kaylee. I’m not sure about Jayne the way you were about Simon. I want to wait, and take it slow. If it’s going to happen, then I want it to be right. Okay?”

Kaylee hestitated, then nodded. Linda saw the look on her face and pulled her into a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, honey,” she said, giving her a squeeze. “I’ll call if I need help, I promise. For example, I’m not sure I remember how to get out of this dress.”

“I’m sure Jayne would love to help you with that.” She heard Mal’s voice and his boots on the cargo bay ramp, and she turned to find the captain grinning at her, his arms full of weapons. “Right after we’re finished getting the cargo, you can ask him.” The grin slipped off his face, and his tone turned serious. “But since you and Kaylee both need to be where I told you to be RIGHT NOW, I’m thinkin’ you can both put the huggin’ off until after we’re out in the black a spell. dohn-mah?”

“Understood, Captain sir!” Linda spun around, straightened her shoulders, and threw him a salute before turning and heading for the stairs as quickly as her sandals would allow. Behind her, she could feel Jayne watching her walk away and start to climb, and she heard Mal’s voice take on a teasing tone. “That’s a right nice suit you got there, Kaylee. Did you find a swimmin’ hole while we were gone? Oh, I know! You put a pool here in the cargo bay, and you was just waiting to surprise us all when we got back!” There was a pause. “Suit kinda gives it away though, don’t ya think?”

Jayne snorted, and Wash hurried up the corridor to the flight deck, the clatter of her sandals on the metal deck chasing her to the cockpit.

Linda held the wheel tight, her arms shaking as she worked to keep Serenity on the beacon back to the customer’s warehouse. She didn’t remember atmospheric flight being quite as … strenuous as this, back when she was a he.

“That’s because your former muscles were a little stronger than the ones you’re living with now.” River moved in behind her and put both hands on her shoulders. “You’ll adjust. You’re already doing it now. Just like you’ve been doing for the past few weeks, Hoe-bann.”

“Not fast enough for the rest of me, I guess,” Wash replied, her eyes still staring out at the horizon. She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m trying to fight off a mutiny in my own body. Even worse, I can’t believe I’m failing.” The pilot looked up at River. “Thank you for helping me back there.”

River nodded, even though Wash couldn’t see her, and gave her shoulders a little squeeze. “We pushed her back, jei mei … but she did take some ground. Just look at you. You’re sitting in the pilot’s seat wearing a dress and sandals — back straight, chest out, knees together. But you’re flying as well as you ever did, even though how you’re sitting would be totally unnatural for the man you used to be.”

It was Wash’s turn to nod. “Why is this happening now? I thought I was doing well, and then …”

“It wasn’t your fault.” River stepped clear of Wash’s station, then leaned forward into a handspring and a reverse flip that left her standing on the forward console’s chair. She curled up into a ball, arms around her knees, and looked at Wash expectantly. “It was bound to happen, eventually.”

Wash looked back, surprised. “You knew?”

She nodded. “I suspected. If you would have thought about it for a while, you would have seen it coming, too. Chiang yanked Linda’s soul out, then dropped you into a body that was radically different from the one you used to have. So here’s her body, all brimming with hormones and a lifetime of experience as a woman, and here’s you, drowning in an ocean of estrogen, with only a lifetime of male memories to keep you afloat — in a body that wants nothing to do with them … or you.”

“It’s as if somebody forced you into the pilot seat of a ship you’ve never flown. You’ve only seen ships like it from the outside, and you’ve admired them, but you never actually wanted to fly one — just be a passenger once in a while.” River smiled, and Wash blushed.

“Suddenly, you find yourself in the cockpit, and you have to fly it, or die. But it turns out the control system isn’t standard. Instead, it’s totally customized for the pilot who came before. She spent decades flying it her way, to the point where all the ship’s systems are used to her touch. Is it any wonder the ship would make things hard on a new pilot? Want to make him do things the way the old pilot did?”

Wash focused on the landscape in front of her. “But that doesn’t make any sense. Linda’s body isn’t a ship.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a living thing, and that’s another part of the problem.” The pilot looked up at her, confused, and River sighed. “Linda lived a full life. She was born into a loving family, and she grew up and learned to fly. She was a woman who loved men and loved to be loved by them. Now you’re here, and you keep fighting against how your body thinks you should react. As a result, all of the physical ‘you’ is rejecting your soul because it’s not behaving properly, and your system is out of harmony.” She shrugged. “It needs you to be the Linda it … remembers. That’s all.”

“But that’s what I wanted, too! I mean, eventually.” River cocked her head, and Wash turned back to look out through the windscreen, trying to avoid the question in River’s eyes.

“Look, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about all this,” Wash said softly. “And I wasn’t sure if you were reading me or not.” River shook her head, and the pilot caught it out of the corner of her eye and nodded once. “Thank you for that.”

“I touch your mind from time to time, Wash,” the younger girl replied softly. “I don’t swim in it. It’s wrong.” She hesitated, then shrugged. “I don’t have a guidebook for how to be a reader. I’m sort of working that out as I go along.”

The pilot looked back over at River, then grinned.

“Believe me, I understand. After what I’ve been through, I know what it’s like to fly by the seat of your pants.” River smiled back, and Wash turned her eyes to the horizon ahead.

“The truth is, now that I’m like this and there’s no turning back, I decided that I was going to do my best to get used to being a woman. That’s what I am, after all, and I sure as hell didn’t want to spend the rest of my new life hanging on to my old one, or trying to be something I’m not anymore.” She sighed.

“But once I made the decision to actually be the woman I already am, then I had to decide what kind of woman I wanted to be.” It was River’s turn to looked puzzled, and Wash’s turn to sigh. “At first I thought, ‘I’ll just be me, Wash as a woman. That’ll work, right?’ Then I realized I didn’t have the first clue what that means. So I started thinking about who I was now … who I appeared to be to everyone. I looked through Linda’s things and tried accessing some of her memories, and as it turns out, she was a pretty special person — a lot like the man I used to be in many ways.”

She took a deep breath and went on. “And so, I thought, well, maybe I should just try to be the kind of woman Linda was, and live her life forward as it should have been, without losing me along the way.”

“I thought I was doing well, taking it a day at a time. Apparently, I’m doing so well, Jayne’s falling in love with me. And maybe … I’m falling a little for him, too, gods help me.” She shook her head and sighed again. “Now suddenly I’m in the middle of the metaphysical equivalent of a shark attack, and I have to fight to keep myself from just getting swallowed whole. Chiang says I still need to be me to save the ship, but walking that line between Wash and Linda is getting harder. And who is me, anyway?”

“I had hoped you would grow into being Linda, over time,” River said. She rose from her seat in a single fluid motion, and walked over to stand beside the pilot. “I hoped that, if Linda’s body and your soul moved forward together slowly, you would eventually become comfortable together, as Wash-in-Linda. You would feel happy being a woman, and her body would support your soul, and make you feel welcome.”

“Maybe we can … I don’t know, negotiate with the rest of me? Make it back off somehow?”

“Wash … there’s nobody there to talk to. You’re fighting whatever Linda left behind when her soul left. Memories stored in the deep structures of her brain, some established habits and responses, and pure hormonal overload.” River sighed and shook her head. “You might as well try to negotiate with a thunderstorm for all the good it will do.”

“I don’t believe it. I’ve always been able to talk my way out of trouble before —”

The insistent beeping of an incoming comm signal interrupted her sentence. The pilot reached over and flicked several switches, and a male voice came over the speaker, using the crisp measured tones of a military officer.

“This is the Alliance Shipyard Port Authority. Incoming ship, please identify.”

Wash thumbed the mike button and spoke. “This is the transport ship Tranquility, en route to the Berenger freight depot for cargo pickup.”

“Ship’s registry number?”

She reached over and read a sixteen-digit number from a list on a clipboard next to her station. The last time the ship was near Osirus, River had hacked into the Alliance Navy Ship Registry and added a number of Firefly-class ships to the rolls, making it a bit easier for Serenity and her crew to slip past checkpoints and avoid entanglements. She also worked with Kaylee to put together a way to re-program the ship’s transponder to provide whatever registry code the captain decided to wear. A polarizing screen over the ship’s name on the side changed as well to reflect the registry code she wore. So, when she flew this close to the Alliance shipyards, Serenity became Tranquility, a model of a modern freight carrier with a spotlessly clean record.

While she was in the Admiralty computer core, River could have gotten herself a legitimate fake pilot’s license as well, but she would have had to put her retina scans, fingerprints, and brain engrams into the system for registration purposes, and they weren’t sure whether the Alliance was still looking for her. In the end, Mal decided it really wasn’t worth the risk. He went hunting for a licensed pilot to replace Wash and found Linda … without realizing she really wasn’t a replacement at all.

The speaker crackled to life. “Registry confirmed. Maintain course and speed. Authority out.”

Wash looked up at River with a grin. “Such a nice boy. Friendly and helpful, that’s the Alliance motto. Why, I haven’t been treated so politely since a headwaiter on Ariel objected to my shirt being too bright for his establishment and ignored me for twenty minutes … while I stood directly in front of him.”

The younger girl grinned back. Knowing Wash as she did, she knew this sort of behavior would not go unpunished. “And what did you do to get yourself … noticed?”

Just as Wash opened her mouth to reply, the incoming comm signal sounded again. She swiveled and switched the receiver on.

“Oy!” A deep male voice bellowed. “You dere! Ooo da hell ‘re you, und why’re yoo commin’ at us like a batouttahell??”

With a glance at River, the pilot activated the transmitter. “Transport ship Tranquility requesting docking instruc —”

“Hold up dere, missy. Put yer pilot on, dere’s a gut gurl.”

Wash felt a flash of irritation. “I AM the pilot, requesting docking instructions at the Berenger freight depot.”

“Yur de pilot?” The voice rumbled and burst into laughter. “Hey, Viktor! Tell the udder ships ta git offa dah field. Ship commen in wid a bird onna stick, and she’s hot!”

Another voice chimed in from farther away from the microphone. “Who’s hot, Zev? The girl or the ship?”

“Both, I betcha,” Zev replied. “Ship’s commen in mighty fast for atmo, and the gurl sounds like she’s mebbe fast, too.”

Wash and River heard the one called Viktor speaking as he approached the microphone. “Hey, Zev says you’re on the stick. Does that mean you’re flyin’ that boat with your hands, or are you actually … um, on the stick, if you catch me?” He snickered, and the other man laughed again. Wash felt almost nauseous, thinking about what this idiot must be thinking of her, but that was soon followed by a quick burst of anger. She reached for the microphone switch again, only to have River put her hand on Wash’s.

‘ Careful, jei mei,’ she spoke mind to mind. ‘Remember, we have to work with these sah gwa to get our cargo, and the captain won’t like it if you throw a tantrum and the job goes south.’

‘Tantrum?’ Wash shot back, her thoughts awash in anger. ‘These guys sound like they never made it past the second grade!’

‘Then spank them, Hoe-bann,’ River replied, ‘but do it gently, with words.‘

Wash sighed, then took a deep breath and calmed herself before she thumbed the switch to “Transmit.”

“I’m flying the ship with my hands, the way any pilot would,” she said simply. “I’m damned good at it, too. And the only time I’ll ever fly anything the other way you described would be in your dreams — and my nightmares, hwoon dahn. I’m not a doxy or a slut, I’m a pilot. So why don’t you and your friend give me a landing pad assignment near our cargo, and leave your rich fantasy life in your bunk, where it belongs?”

There was a long stunned silence on the other end of the connection, followed by loud raucous laughter that seemed to go on and on.

“Yur a real firecracker, un dat’s a fact, sweetie,” Zev growled, still laughing. “Put ‘er doon on pahd tree … follow duh sub beekan when yu hit B’rngur ahrspace — und try nut to hit duh depot, ‘kay?”

He started laughing again, and the comm went silent. Wash heaved a sigh of relief, and began to slow her speed while doing progressive scans for the beacon.

“Unbelievable,” she muttered under her breath. “Men!”

“Careful, Hoe-bann,” River teased, standing behind the pilot’s chair. “You of all people should know better than that. You were a good man, once. There must be others out there.”

“Well, from this side of the gene pool, I’m thinking they should be drowned at birth,” Wash replied. “Those two, anyway. I’m reserving judgment about the rest of the gender.”

“And Jayne?” The younger girl’s question left the pilot confused.

‘ How do I feel about Jayne?’ She thought about everything that had happened in the past few hours, and shook her head. ‘I know how I feel … how I think I feel. But how much of that feeling is mine, and how much belongs to the woman who used to live here?’

Wash finally caught the sub-beacon and made her final approach with an ease that came from a thousand perfect approaches that came before.

Sometimes she wished living could be as easy as flying.

Berenger’s depot was like too many others Wash had seen in her day — crowded, busy, and a real pain to fly through. Fortunately, Serenity had an excellent pilot, and she found her way to pad three with a minimum of powered acrobatics that left many of her peers envying her skill.

Wash heaved a sigh of relief and began putting flight systems on stand-by. Given Serenity’s past history, there was no way in Hell she would totally clip her wings with a cold shutdown in an exposed position like this. River had wandered off shortly before she reached the depot, understanding that the pilot’s attention needed to be on what she was doing. The hum of the powered cargo door reverberated through the ship, and she was glad others were going to be dealing with the freight handlers. The overwhelmingly male freight handlers.

‘ They were bad enough on the comms,’ she thought sourly. ‘Gods forbid I should have to meet them in person. Especially wearing this.’

The pilot sat there for a moment, going back over the things that had happened to her since this whole wacky adventure started. Sometimes she felt like she had been caught up in a flood of events that pushed her into her new life with the force of a hard burn. Sometimes it felt like the Verse was conspiring against her, and that whatever control she thought she had was only an illusion.

When she thought about what Teller and Beeks almost did to her when she first joined the crew, she realized how powerless she felt as Linda. She had only just become a woman, and it almost didn’t seem real at the time. After it was all over, it had been easy to push it aside and move forward. After all, she was here, back with friends and family, and what did it matter how close she came to being a victim?

But it did, she realized suddenly. Her knock-out punch on Teller aside, she wasn’t Zoe. ‘No warrior woman here,’ she thought with a frown. ‘I get the sense that Linda could fight, but avoided conflict if she could. A lot like I used to be, come to think of it. Even when I was a man, I wasn’t exactly the most nán zǐ qì guy out there — enough man to steal Zoe’s heart and keep her happy, but the rest of the Neanderthal guy mentality, like “fight first, eat lunch, then fight later” never really made it onto my personal agenda.’

It was becoming clear to Wash that direct confrontation wasn’t usually an option when you looked like Miss Osirus, and this translated in her mind to a powerlessness that seemed all too linked to the new body she wore — even though as a man, Wash did his best to avoid a fight without losing face. Now things with her new body were going south, in a bad way. It seemed to be doing its best to try and write over the Wash That Was, and there seemed to be a part of Wash that wanted to help.

The part that was interested in Jayne.

When she had revealed to River that she had planned to try and be the woman she appeared to be, there were a lot of aspects of that choice she really hadn’t wanted to think about when she made the call originally. Like sex, and men … and specifically, sex with men. But her new body wanted her to know exactly how Linda felt about the male of the species — and she’d been made more than aware of just how much of a man Jayne was.

But Jayne was one thing. Those idiots in the dispatch shack were something else. And the pilot had the uncomfortable feeling that there were a lot more idiots than there were men worth being with in the Verse. A LOT more. She started feeling even more lost and alone, and started wondering if she should have been issued a tee-shirt with the words “potential victim” printed on the chest. Right across her breasts, where the boys would be sure to read it.

Wash felt her lower lip start to quiver again, and a tear trickled down her cheek before she realized where her head was going. A bit of anger rose up to take charge, and she shook her head and brushed the tear aside with the back of her hand.

‘Enough!’ she growled at herself. ‘I chose this path, and it was the right choice. I’m not powerless. I’m alive, and with people I love!’

She was just confused and feeling sorry for herself, and that was wrong. Self-pity had never gotten her anywhere before, and she wasn’t going to start wallowing in it now. There were still a few things she had control over, and it was time to take charge.

‘For example, I get to choose what I wear,’ she thought, ‘And I’ve been in this dress long enough. There’s a flight suit and a pair of boots waiting in my quarters, and wearing this outfit within ten klicks of a freight depot is just asking for trouble. Time to change.’

She unstrapped from the pilot’s chair and stood up, reaching upward to stretch the tension from her back. Just then, there was a clatter on the deck outside the flight deck door. Jayne poked his head in, flashed her a smile, and handed her a clipboard.

“Hey, Linda. Cap’n needs you to go groundside, check in with the depot master, get us a manifest, and confirm loadin’ and leavin’ times.”

‘Terrific. Just terrific.’ She felt her brief push for control slipping through her fingers. ‘I’ll have to deal with those idiots in person. Thank you, gods. I’ll be sure to do you a good turn myself real soon.’

On the outside, Wash put on a cheerful face. “Sure thing, Jayne. Just let Mal know it’s going to take me a minute to change.”

The mercenary tilted his head and gave her a once-over, followed by a grin. “Why’re ya gonna change, girl? What you’re wearin’ looks just fine to me. Better than fine.”

Wash felt herself blush, and a rush of sexual feeling roared through her. She looked down for a few seconds to avoid meeting his eyes. “Ummm … thank you, Jayne.”

“Ain’t nothin’ but the truth, Linda. Don’t see no reason to hide how pretty you are.” Jayne looked at her curiously. “‘Sides, I think the cap’n’s getting’ a mite worried, us bein’ so close to the Alliance ‘n all. He wants us to be far away from here before the Feds decide to give us a second look.”

“Gorram right I’m worried,” Mal said briskly, coming up behind Jayne. “We’re already late gettin’ off of this rock as it is, and we ain’t even loaded cargo yet. Best be on your way.”

Wash felt frozen to the spot. Could this really be happening? She opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. The captain watched her for a few seconds.

“Now is better than five minutes from now, Linda.” The pilot managed a small nod, and Mal gave her a small smile in return. “Good girl. Off you go.”

He turned and ambled down the passageway, and Jayne followed, leaving her standing there in a state of shock — a numbness that started feeling very much like fear.

Zoe was in the cargo bay, keeping her eyes on the cargo bay door and one hand on her gun. Depots like this had their share of thieves, and an open door was too much of an invitation for her to leave it unguarded. Besides, she didn’t quite trust Berenger the way the Captain did. The businessman may have helped them out in Serenity Valley when they needed it, but he was quick enough to cash in on the favor when he needed a run to Flynt. That didn’t make him a friend, as far as Zoe was concerned. Berenger was just someone who knew the value of an obligation, and how deep the Captain’s sense of honor ran.

Taking advantage of what a good man the Captain was didn’t do him any favors in Zoe’s heart, either.

There was the sound of shoes on the metal steps, and Linda came walking down from the cockpit. She was still dressed to kill, which seemed odd to Zoe, since there was certainly enough time to change now that they were actually at the depot. As she walked past Zoe, the first mate realized she was heading for the cargo door … and a freight yard full of men.

In a dress that was sure to get her … noticed.

She stood up quickly and put out her hand, touching the other woman’s shoulder. “Linda?”

The pilot turned, and Zoe saw the look on her face. She seemed almost in a trance, like she was sleepwalking. For the first time, Zoe started to worry. This wasn’t anything like the Linda she’d come to know in the past few weeks. This looked more like what she’d seen in the war — like the woman was headed into battle.

“Where’re you goin’, girl?” She deliberately used a teasing tone, to try and coax Linda out of her shell. “Are you okay?”

“Captain wants me to go to the dispatch office, get the cargo manifest and loading times squared away.” Her voice had an almost wooden quality, stiff and flat.

Zoe kept her playful tone. “In that outfit? Aren’t you a bit … overdressed? Or maybe underdressed?”

“Captain said there wasn’t time for me to change.”

“But there must be at least a hundred men out there,” Zoe said slowly, “and I bet most of them haven’t seen someone as pretty as you in months.”

Linda’s lower lip began to tremble. “Don’t you think I know that?” Her mask began to break, and Zoe could see she was afraid.

The first mate growled inside, thinking about all the things the Captain didn’t think about.

“I know I’m being stupid,” the pilot went on, her voice starting to rise with each word. “I know I shouldn’t care. I mean, this is just part of being a woman, right? I should shut up and do my job. I don’t even KNOW these people! And it’s not like I have to listen. They won’t say anything that matters. They’ll just yell insulting things like they’re compliments, make degrading offers to do things with me that no sane woman would even think about without throwing up, and UNDRESS ME —” She stopped in mid-yell, took a breath and continued, almost in a normal voice. “Undress me with their eyes. And I’ll just let it slide off my back and do my job, because I’m a woman, and that’s what I’m supposed to do.”

Linda turned and looked Zoe in the eye. “That’s what I’m supposed to do,” she repeated, then sighed. “I just … I don’t think I can, today, that’s all. I’m … afraid, Zoe. I’m supposed to be brave, and do my job, but all of the sudden, I’m scared. What happened at the Skyplex, and Kaylee, and this dress, and Jayne, and those jerks in the dispatch office on the comms … it’s just too much, too soon. Maybe some other time … maybe tomorrow, I could just do it. But right now, there’s a part of me that’s just screaming enough. And I so want to listen.”

Zoe’s voice became soft, and she reached out and took Linda’s hand. “Then don’t go, honey. You don’t have to. Stay here. Let Jayne do it, or Simon.”

“I can’t, Zoe. It’s my job. I pull my weight, and I get paid. That’s how it works.” She sighed again. “Besides, the Captain told me to.”

“Well, the Captain is an ass.” Both women turned to see Inara standing at the top of the stairs, on the walkway to her shuttle.

“HEY!” Mal’s voice rang out across the bay, and all three women turned to see him standing on the other side, near the corridor to the cockpit. “I heard that!”

“You were MEANT to,” Inara shot back, leaning on the railing. “What the hell were you thinking, Mal? Three weeks ago, that girl barely managed to avoid being raped while defending your ship. She had to strip naked at gunpoint, after being your pilot for less than an hour! And now you want her to walk through a freight yard full of men wearing THAT dress? You know what men like that are like! What is WRONG with you?”

“She seemed to be handling what happened at the Skyplex okay,” Mal countered angrily. “After we took back the ship, she put her clothes on and went back to work. How was I supposed to know there was somethin’ wrong? Besides, she’s the one who wore THAT dress. I thought she might want the chance to show it off some, since she won’t be gettin’ off ship where we’re headed. Why else would she wear it?”

Zoe looked up, her arm around Linda’s shoulder. “Kaylee made her wear it for Jayne, Sir. She didn’t want to do it, but you know how persuasive Kaylee can be. And when Linda put it on earlier, I’m pretty sure she never thought she’d be forced to model it for every member of the local Freight Workers union.”

“Forced? Ain’t nobody forcin’ anybody to do anything!” Mal’s voice was starting to betray his confusion.

“But you ordered me to go, like this!” Linda’s voice rose up, shaking slightly.

“Oh, honey,” Kaylee appeared next to her, put her arm around her from the other side and gave her a squeeze. She looked up at Mal with anger in her eyes, and her voice was rock hard. “I heard the whole thing. Don’t pay him no mind. The captain’s always orderin’ folks around. If it don’t make any sense, just ignore him. That’s what the rest of us do and it works well enough most of the time.”

“Wait a minute! How did this get to be my fault?” The Captain looked down at his pilot, his mechanic, and his first mate. Then he looked up at the woman he loved. She looked back, angry enough to spit bullets. He stopped, and he thought, and he sighed. “Never mind. It don’t matter how, it just is. All my fault. I ain’t sayin’ I’m stupid, but I will admit to bein’ more than a mite dense about what goes on in a woman’s head … or a woman’s heart.”

Inara’s expression softened, and Mal felt something in his heart click. He smiled at her, ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head.

“Go get changed, Linda,” he said, looking down at the pilot. “Sorry I almost sent you out there to get … looked at by folks who wouldn’t know how to treat a woman if Zoe beat it into ‘em with a stick. I’ll go to the dispatch office.”

The pilot sighed, turned back to the stairs, and took a single step before Zoe’s hand touched her shoulder. She turned, and saw her former wife with the oddest expression on her face — her eyes wide with a smile just starting to touch her lips.

The first mate leaned forward and looked her in the eye. “Do you trust me, Linda?” she whispered, her breath hot on the other woman’s cheek. Wash nodded without hesitation.

“With my life,” she replied softly.

“Good. Because I have something to show you.” Zoe raised her voice. “It’s okay, Sir. Linda and I will handle the run to the dispatch office.”

Inara looked down at the pair and cocked her head, confused. The captain did the same.

“Is that what you want, Linda?” Mal asked tentatively, not sure what to think.

Wash looked into Zoe’s eyes and saw love and concern, and the strength she always knew was there. She turned to look up at the Captain and nodded.

“Yes, Captain,” she replied, raising her voice. “Zoe and I will take care of it.”

Mal looked over to Inara, and she looked back, her eyebrows raised. Then she shrugged, and he looked back at Linda and sighed.

“All right, then,” he said, still confused. “Aren’t you gonna change first?”

Wash looked back at Zoe, and Zoe’s smile became a grin. She shook her head.

“No, Sir,” the first mate said, slipping past Linda and climbing the stairs leading up to the crew quarters. “I am.”

Jayne lay in his bunk, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Linda.

‘ She’s about as big a puzzle as … as the biggest puzzle I ever seen,’ he thought, his eyes glazing over from thinkin’ so hard. ‘I can’t even come up with anythin’ as confusin’ as that girl is, and that’s a fact. Half the time I think she wants me, an’ the other half I’m thinkin’ she’s runnin’ away while she’s standin’ still. And Mal’s too busy trying to get offa this ruttin’ rock before the Feds tumble that we’re here, so I can’t ask him. Not that he’d know, but at least I’d have someone to ask.’

“You could ask me.” River’s face suddenly loomed in his line of sight, and his whole body jerked. He sat up quickly, but not quick enough for the young girl’s reflexes (and the fact that she knew when he was going to move before he did).

“Don’t DO that!” he snapped. “Gorram it, River, my bunk is supposed t’ be private. How’d ya git in here without me noticin’?”

“You were thinking so hard about Linda, you didn’t see me coming in through maintenance hatch seventeen,” she replied sweetly. “I think it’s nice how much you think about her, but she’s going to need our help soon, and lying in your bunk won’t get the job done.”

“Help her?” Jayne swung his legs over the side of the bed and braced himself with his hands. River looked down at him, a smug smile on her face. “What’s wrong with her? Is she in trouble?”

“Not yet.” The girl danced over to the open maintenance hatch and stopped directly under it. “But Zoe’s got this idea to make Linda not be afraid anymore, after what happened at the Skyplex. It’s a good plan, and she’s brave to try it, but there are a few holes in it that might need fixing. That’s our job.”

“Holes?” The mercenary felt awkward, as if River was speaking in a different language and nobody was botherin’ to translate.

“Yes, holes,” she replied. “Great big gaping ones, like the whole depot rioting, followed by violence, gunfire, and Feds. But long before that, Zoe and Linda lying broken and dead in the yard in their pretty dresses, because Zoe couldn’t see what I see, looking at what is and seeing what might be.”

Jayne’s blood ran cold. River looked into his eyes and nodded. “So we’re going to make sure that doesn’t happen, Jayne Cobb. You, and me, and that Interceptor you conned out of that merchant before we left the Skyplex.”

“Interceptor? I ain’t got no Interceptor.”

“Sure you do.” River leaped into the air and slipped back into the ship’s infrastructure. Her voice echoed in his head. “Under your bunk, up towards where you keep your pillow, wrapped in an old duffel bag and a Blue Sun tee shirt that’s seen better days.” She popped her head down into the room and smiled, then spoke out loud again. “You should know better than to try lying to a reader, Jayne.”

“I reckon I should.” He sighed and stood up. “And why try hidin’ it anyway?”

“Old habits?” She grinned.

“Maybe. I bought the gorram thing to keep folks safe. Might as well use it.” Jayne went to his knees and pulled the sniper rifle out from under the bed. He started unwrapping it. “Okay, I’m in. Where do you want me?”

“Up on top of the ship. You can see the whole freight yard from up there.” Her head disappeared, and she spoke to him again, mind to mind. “And you’re going to have to, to keep everything smooth and shiny.”

Jayne shivered and looked up at the ceiling. “Hey!” he shouted. “Would you STOP talkin’ inside my head?” After a few seconds of silence, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Uh … please?”

River’s head slid slowly down into the room through the open hatchway.

“No,” she said aloud, and closed the door.

“Gorram creepifying …” he muttered, reaching for the trank loads. “Good thing she’s crew, or I’d be lookin’ to shoot HER.”

“I love you too, Jayne.”

“STOP that!”

“This is a bad idea, Zoe.” Mal had followed her from the cargo bay into the passageway up to crew quarters.

“I think you said that before, Captain. Multiple times.”

“Well, it is. Sayin’ it more than once don’t make it any less true.”

Zoe stopped at the door to her room and turned around. “And I’m thinkin’ you don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about in this situation, Sir.”

Mal took a step back and held up his hands. “Look, a few minutes ago y’all convinced me it was a bad idea for Linda to go out there dressed like that. Now you want to go WITH her?”

“Not wantin’ to, Sir. More like got to.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s crew. That makes her family, and she needs our help.” The first mate pushed her door in and put a foot on the ladder leading down.

“And how does taking a walk across a freight depot dressed like that help her?”

Zoe gave him a look, trying to decide if an explanation would help. “Well … it’s like gettin’ back on a horse that threw you, Captain.”

Mal felt what little control he had over this conversation slippin’ away. “In a dress??”

She sighed. “I need to get changed, Sir.”

The door clanged shut.

Wash stood by the cargo bay door, her arms folded under her breasts.

‘I can’t believe I’m doing this,’ she thought, a tiny bit of fear creeping into her brain. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to walk across that field and into the dispatch office wearing this dress. Why did I agree to this? Oh, yes. Zoe asked me if I trusted her, and like a lovestruck idiot, I said yes. What was I thinking? What was Zoe thinking? She’s crazy! She’s certifiable! She’s —’

Zoe Washburne walked down the stairs into the cargo bay, wearing a slinky lavender dress with long bell sleeves that shimmered in the shine of the overheads. The strappy heels she wore made her legs look like rich mahogany that had been shaped by the most talented sculptor in the Verse, and her make-up was as understated and elegant as her smile was wide.

“You’re beautiful,” Wash whispered, remembering the first time she’d ever seen Zoe dressed for a night on the town.

“Why, thank you,” she replied, striking a model’s pose at the bottom of the steps. “I clean up real good, now don’t I? A’course, you’re lookin’ mighty shiny yourself, girl. Which is why I had to take a little longer gettin’ ready. Can’t let the pilot outshine the first mate. Against the law of the skyways.”

“The what now?” Wash felt a giggle slip through her defenses and let it go. She just had to laugh, and if Linda’s body wanted to giggle, she sure wasn’t going to go out of her way to stop it.

Zoe’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened in feigned shock. “Oh my! You, our intrepid pilot, have never heard of the law of the skyways?”

“OH!” Linda said, striking her forehead with the flat of her hand. “THAT law of the skyways!”

“That’s better.” Zoe took Linda’s arm and started walking towards the open cargo bay door. “Now, I’m thinkin’ the reason you’re feeling afraid is ‘cause you forgot just how much power a good looking woman has in this Verse. You knew before you joined the crew. You had to, if you grew up looking like that. And I know you wouldn’t have been able to get through flight school with a bunch of pilot-wanabees if you hadn’t figured out how to put them in their place. Believe me, I was married to a pilot — I know how most of them behave with womenfolk.” Her voice took on a wistful tone. “Never had to worry about him, though.”

She shook her head and focused on Linda again. “Anyway, you used to know how strong you are. But what happened at the Skyplex made you forget for a while, and you started thinkin’ you were weak, just ‘cause you couldn’t stop two zuì fàn from scaring the pants off you at gunpoint. And that just ain’t right.”

She stopped and turned Linda to face her. “From where I stand, you did just fine. Wasn’t much else you could do, to tell the truth. And you took your clothes off to protect River, not because you were scared. But sometimes folks have a way of twisting the facts after something bad happens, just ‘cause they think they coulda done somethin’ different, even when they couldn’t.”

There was a dainty clattering on the steps behind them both, and they turned to watch Inara descend in the same dress she had worn to that shindig on Persephone long ago. It was off white and sleeveless — classically beautiful, with a deep décolletage and a long flowing skirt that seemed to float when she moved. She had left the long gloves in her shuttle, choosing instead a pair of wide gold bracelets with a tasteful pattern of gemstones on each, and her hair was loose around her shoulders and brushed to a warm sheen.

“Excuse me,” she said with a smile. “You wouldn’t happen to be going for a walk, would you?”

“Might be,” Zoe replied, smiling back. “It’s a beautiful day, after all.”

“May I join you?” Inara stepped off the bottom stair and made her way gracefully to where they stood. “I have a sudden uncontrollable urge to parade myself in front of a crowd of lustful gōng rén — most of whom have almost totally forgotten what a real woman is supposed to look like.”

“We’d be delighted to have you.” The first mate’s smile became a grin. “Wouldn’t we, Linda?”

“Of course we would,” Wash replied automatically, then stopped herself and turned to Inara. “You do know this is crazy, right? I mean, you yelled at the Captain so I wouldn’t have to go — and now you want to come along?”

Inara shook her head. “Originally, all I wanted to do was keep you safe. But after thinking about it, Zoe is right. What happened to you at the Skyplex is haunting you, and making you forget what you learned the day some boy noticed you were different … and liked the difference enough to put your needs ahead of his.”

The companion crossed over to take both of Linda’s hands in hers. “There’s a risk, certainly, but not as big a risk as you might think, qīn ài de. What you need to remember is that, no matter how much they might want us, the entire weight of civilization stands between us and them. There’s a very good chance they won’t do anything at all, because generations of mothers and grandmothers before us have battered it into their brains that women are to be respected.”

“Add to that the fact that actin’ like a bèn dàn isn’t going to get them anywhere close to gettin’ any of us in bed,” Zoe said, “If they think there’s a chance with any of us, they might actually be nice. Ain’t likely, but stranger things have happened.”

“But … but what if I’m right to be scared?”

“You’re not.” The voice came from the catwalk above, and everyone looked up to see Kaylee, still in her mechanics jumpsuit and boots. “Jei mei, they’re just men. They’re half the folk in the Verse, and they ain’t all evil, lecherous humps no matter what your mama said to keep you from gettin’ sexed when you was growin’ up. They just know what they want, and most all of ‘em know they won’t get it unless they treat us the way we want to be treated.”

She walked down the stairs and over to Linda, then put her arm around her and squeezed softly.

“Every man ain’t lookin’ to hurt you, nǚ hái,” she said softly. “Heck, most of ‘em are kinda nice. Those two xié è nán rén at the Skyplex just spooked you is all. We’re gonna show you how things really are.”

“We?” Inara raised an eyebrow, and Kaylee gave her a sharp look.

“Gorram right. You ain’t gonna leave me behind. I’m the reason why she’s wearing that dress. I pushed when I shouldn’t have, and it’s at least a bit my fault she’s feelin’ a more than a mite shaky around menfolk right now. So she ain’t goin’ out there without me, dohn-mah?”

Inara hesitated, then nodded. Kaylee smiled back in return.

“Aren’t you going to change?” the Companion asked. Kaylee shook her head.

“I like dressin’ up as much as the next girl,” she replied, “but according to Simon, this outfit is downright sexy, just ‘cause I’m wearin’ it.” Inara was surprised to see Kaylee blush, just a little. “I ain’t gonna argue with that.”

Inara moved away from Linda and Kaylee to stand beside Zoe.

“This really is insane,” she whispered through her smile. “Totally yǒu jīng shén bìng.”

Zoe nodded. “Right enough.”

“And we’re doing it because …?”

“Because Linda needs it. Because we can.” The first mate looked into Inara’s eyes. “And because every once in a while, a woman needs to cut loose and do somethin’ wild and all manner of stupid — somethin’ folks tell her not to do, just ‘cause she’s a woman. Sometimes a girl needs to prove she’s not ‘less than’ just ‘cause she ain’t a man. Captain doesn’t really understand that.”

Inara shrugged. “Mal wants to protect us. We’re crew, we’re family, and we’re women, and that’s how his mind works. It’s not always a bad thing.” Inara watched as Linda and Kaylee started walking towards them, and the cargo bay door. “But in this Verse, a woman has the right to go where she pleases, and Linda may not be the only one who needs reminding. Are you armed?”

“Yes, ma’am. Aren’t you?” Inara smiled and ducked her head. Zoe grinned. “Alright, then. We know where we stand.”

“Together.”

“Gorram straight.” Linda and Kaylee reached the pair, and Zoe stood up a little straighter. “Is everyone ready?”

The pilot took a deep breath, then nodded. The mechanic just grinned and bobbed her head.

“All right, then,” Inara said, turning towards the cargo bay door. “Come on, ladies. Let’s go for a walk.”

None of them saw the shadow that slipped by them and out into the yard, only to vanish in the sunlight as shadows do.