Still muttering and straightening his suspenders, Mal strode into the mess, looking for Simon. He found him at the table, sharing breakfast with Kaylee and Inara. They were all trying their best and failing to suppress grins. He glowered at the bunch, daring them to make any sort of comment. He headed for the galley. “You ladies mind if I have a word with the doctor?” he asked as he poured water from the kettle into his cup. The question was really an order. Inara politely rose, took her breakfast, and exited without a word. Kaylee gave Simon a quick peck on the forehead. “Not a problem…” she paused at the doorway, “Cap’n Pansy-pants.” She bolted for the engine room before Mal could shout anything at her. Simon stifled a laugh and quickly tried to reorient his face into a semblance of seriousness. Mal scooped some tea into his cup and stirred it before settling down at the table opposite Simon. “Wanted to have a quick talk about River,” Mal started. “She’s a teenage girl,” Simon defended. “Not about the paint,” Mal cut him off. “I wanted to tell you that she’s comin’ with me to the meet.” Simon’s mouth opened, but Mal silenced him a gesture. “Now before you get all riled, hear me out. I know things didn’t go quite so well last time she came ‘long on a job. Some unpleasantries were exchanged afterward,” Mal flexed his jaw, remembering one in particular. “But all that’s long past.” “Captain, you threatened to throw us off if I didn’t let her go, and you all nearly got savaged by Reavers.” “Well, things is a might different now, if you hadn’t noticed. For one, y’all are part of my crew, and you weren’t before. But that also means you gotta take my orders, whether you like ‘em or not.” Simon simmered a little, but knew the captain was right on that point. “Two, she’s eighteen years old now. That’s legal adult. You can’t tell her what to do no more if she don’t wanna do it.” “But she still needs someone to look after her. She doesn’t know enough about crime and the circles you move in, even after being on this boat as long as she has.” “Oh, and you do? So if I asked you to come along, you’d do better ‘n her?” Simon realized the captain had him there, too. Mal sipped his tea before making his final point. “Lastly, she asked me to take her.” “She asked you?” “Yes, she asked me. I was debatin’ the idea beforehand, but when she asked me this morning, I said yes.” Simon’s gaze shifted over his shoulder and Mal turned around. River was watching them from the doorway. Mal sent her a look to urge her on her way. She remained a second longer, then disappeared down the forward stairs. “However, after last night, I admit it aroused my concerns.” he leaned closer to Simon. “So I’m takin’ precautions. I want you to teach me the safe word.” Simon leaned back, reluctant. “If somethin’ like that happens again, I think I can handle her. But if she goes full-blown Amazon on us, well it’ll be just like the Maidenhead, and that’s precisely the kind of attention I’d like to avoid. ” “I don’t like it,” Simon shook his head. “We don’t know how many of those subliminal triggers are still out there. Anything could set her off.” “Well, that’s a chance I gotta take. She might be useful. I’d rather have her along than not.” “Even if it means putting her at risk?” “Hang on, did you just get déjà vu?” Simon shook his head in exasperation. “You’re not gonna win me over on this, Doc. And you’re certainly not gonna dissuade your sister.” Mal grinned. “She’d take you out quicker ‘n you could spit, as I seem to remember. You wouldn’t even have time to think about sayin’ the word to stop her.” “Okay, fine,” Simon relented. “You said this ship was her home, and we’re her family now. Think of it this way, I’m just lettin’ her be a contributin’ member.” “Captain, most families aren’t involved in smuggling and running from the law.” “So we’re a might dysfunctional.” Mal drained his cup. “Now, how does this safe word work?” River hovered at the top of the stairs, apprehensive. She was surprised how much effort it took to get herself up to this task. She did not know why such a simple thing would be so intimidating. She paced a little, her decision wavering. -No, if I want to go with the captain, I have to go through with this,- she reaffirmed her choice. With a determined breath, she descended the stairs. Inara was curled on the couch in the common area stirring a cup of tea. She wore a green silk robe embroidered with gold, her dark curls piled haphazardly on her head. -The way the captain likes,- River thought. Even though she had probably just gotten out of bed, she still managed to look elegant. Inara flashed a smile in greeting. -She has such natural grace, even just going down the stairs.- The thought jolted River a little. She was surprised to find the Companion admired her in any way. To her eyes, Inara was the epitome of grace, beauty, and poise. She envied the older woman for her skill at masking her thoughts and feelings, while she fought to control her emotions at every turn. “Good morning.” “Good morning.” River hesitated, unsure once again. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to bother you…but I…I wanted to ask you something,” she stammered. “Of course,” Inara invited her question warmly. “Can you cut my hair?” Inara had a blank look of surprise. “I didn’t know if it was part of… of what you do,” River added quickly. “Oh, um… well, actually, it is, in a way,” said Inara, recovering. She unfurled her legs, sitting up and setting her tea on the table. “Companions are trained in all the arts of beauty, so we can make ourselves most appealing for a client. But, why do you want your hair cut?” she asked the obvious question. “I’m going with the captain on a job. I don’t want to be recognized.” “Oh, Mal is dragging you along, is he?” Inara assumed. “No. I want to go. This is my idea.” She tried to sound resolute. “Okay. Well, sit down and let’s talk,” she patted the couch next to her. River sat. “Did you have a style in mind?” River fidgeted with her hands. “I think it should be shorter. Yes, that sounds right. Doesn’t it?” She searched Inara for guidance. “Well, that depends on what you want.” “I don’t know. I haven’t cut it in so long. It’s always been…” she held up a loose strand, “ever since I… I just want it different.” “Shorter is a start.” Inara reached out and stroked the girl’s hair. “How about we go from there?” “Okay,” River nodded. “Let's get a chair and…” Inara started to rise, but River grabbed her arm. “Can you do it in your room?” she asked. Then she looked away, color flushing her neck. “I know it’s silly but… I don’t want Simon to see.” “It’s not silly,” Inara countered gently. “It’s been a long time. It’s okay to be a little nervous.” River nodded with a hesitant smile. Inara was treating her like a child, but against all reason, she felt like one. It was comforting. “Come,” Inara took her by the shoulders and led her into the guest room which was once River’s own. Inara set the chair in the middle of the small room and had River sit down. She shook out one of her robes and draped it backwards over the girl. “I need to find some scissors and a pitcher and basin so we can wash your hair first. I’ll be right back.” The dining area was empty when Inara got upstairs. She found the pitcher she need and headed back downstairs for the infirmary. Simon was in there now. She glided in. “Good morning, Simon.” “Oh, good morning.” “I was wondering if I could borrow a few things from you.” “Sure. What do you need?” Inara browsed the infirmary as if she was shopping. She spied a basin and grabbed it. “This will do.” “Okay…” Simon watched her askance. “Do you have some scissors? Sharp ones, preferably.” “Yes. They’re surgical shears. What do you need them for?” She flashed a coy smile. “Feminine things.” “Uh huh,” Simon produced the scissors but did not hand them over. “Feminine things, like what, exactly?” “Simon, women are a mystery. Do you think I’ll tell you our secrets just because you asked?” She plucked the shears from his grasp while he stood by looking perplexed. She strode out of the infirmary in a swirl of silk. “Uh, have you seen River?” he called after her. “I saw her come downstairs a while ago.” “Yes, she’s in my room.” “Oh. I wanted to talk to her.” “We’re occupied at the moment,” Inara turned with a smile that was pleasant and as much a barrier against intrusion as a solid steel wall. “What are you doing?” “Like I said, feminine things. You wouldn’t be interested. I’ll send her to you when we’re done,” she slipped into her room and shuttered the door. Simon’s brow wrinkled up tight. He found himself imagining what Inara meant, and wished he had not. River had absolutely zero experience with intimacy according to his knowledge. But, if she was curious, she might seek out the Companion to show her… He shuddered. It was too creepy to think about his little sister that way. -At least she didn’t ask Jayne.- Now his skin really crawled and he wanted to take a drill to the part of his mind that even dared to conjure up that idea. He returned to his infirmary, trying hard to erase any and all thoughts. “I think I managed to convince Simon to leave us in peace for a while,” Inara said as she closed the door. River caught the gist of what happened and laughed. Simon was a prude most of the time. “Thank you,” she replied. “Let’s get started.” Inara dimmed the lights and lit a stick of incense. “Just to help you relax,” she assured River. “Now, lay your head back a little.” River felt the gentle pressure of the Companion’s hands on her temples, guiding her head. They were warm, soft, and smelled lovely. Protecting her face, Inara poured some of the pitcher over her. Her head grew heavy as the water soaked in. She heard Inara’s hands rubbing together. A fragrance she identified as jasmine touched her nose. The Companion began gently kneading her scalp. “This part I have done for clients on rare occasions. Some find it highly relaxing and sensual.” River completely understood why. Her eyes closed as she melted into Inara’s gentle scrubbing. Another pitcher-full of water streamed over her head. River felt the gentle tug as Inara wrung her hair out into the basin, then draped the wet strands over her shoulders. “Now,” Inara pondered, coming around her, “I think we should keep a little length. Maybe just at your shoulders.” She slipped two fingers around a strand to show what she had in mind. “That way if you decide you don’t like it, you still have options.” River nodded, going along with the Companion’s assessment. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes,” River affirmed. Inara disappeared behind her again, and, with the soft snip of the scissors, began carving away the strands. River imagined each lock falling away. Every little bit was a part of her. It’s dead. Just a chain of protein molecules, she rationalized. However, she could not help but feel like a snake shedding its skin, or a cygnet molting into a swan. She wondered what she would find underneath, and found the prospect both thrilling and scary. She did not know why cutting her hair should be such a transformative event. “Kaylee has been spending a lot of time with your brother lately, hasn’t she?” “Yes.” River was powerfully aware of Simon and Kaylee’s relationship, probably even before they were. She tried not to intrude, but it was hard not to catch flashes of things she was not supposed to see or hear. She never said anything. It did not embarrass her, but Kaylee would be mortified, and Simon as well, if they knew she saw. For her it was just another curiosity, more information for her eager brain to catalog and store away. “Kaylee likes him very much. I don’t think he understands.” “It looks like he likes her very much, too.” “Yes, but,” she drooped a bit, “he still worries about me. He can’t be with her as much as he wants because he has to watch out for me.” “Don’t blame yourself, sweetie.” “They do. Him and Kaylee. Don’t know it, but they do.” River’s words turned distant and cool. Inara’s smile drained away. She was sure Simon and Kaylee would never blame River for keeping them apart. But perhaps on some subconscious level that they were not even aware of, they did, and River had picked that up. “I kept Simon from her for so long. He wasn’t able to see it. When you care for someone, you should be able to tell them, right?” “Yes, I suppose you should. But life doesn’t always work out that way for everyone.” “Like for you and the captain?” Inara froze mid-clip, the color draining from her face. “You speak to each other, but you don’t listen. I hear it.” River’s voice was almost dreamy now, as if she were not here but in some other moment. Inara fought for control of her suddenly warring feelings. She felt supremely violated that River had spoken aloud her most private emotions, and yet intensely guilty because she knew what River was saying was true. She gathered her composure and continued trimming. “My profession makes it complicated to have a… more than a limited relationship with anyone. The captain has complications enough of his own. I don’t think he could handle any more.” “Excuses,” River cut right through. Another guilty pang stabbed Inara, followed by a small flare of resentment. “You didn’t choose to become a Companion,” River surmised from her feelings. “No, I didn’t.” Inara’s voice had lost its casual pleasantness. “My parents wanted me to do something honorable and prestigious. As a little girl they groomed me for the training house. When I was old enough, it was a great honor that I was accepted. I took it as a challenge to live up to that honor.” “You’re like Simon.” “How is that?” “Our parents wanted him to become a doctor.” “And Simon didn’t want to?” “No, he wanted to. But he never thought there was a choice.” Inara stopped clipping again and pressed a hand to her forehead. Thoughts and feelings she had long since trained herself to ignore surged to the forefront. She sank onto the bed, angry at River for drawing them out, and at herself for being unable to control them. River craned her head around. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt.” Inara took a few deep, steadying breaths and was able to meet River’s eyes. They were full of sympathy and sadness. The girl turned her head away again. “They didn’t leave me a choice, either.” The silence drew out between them until it was uncomfortable. “Well, I think it’s about done,” Inara stood, trying to recapture the light mood of earlier, but her voice was strained. “I don’t have a mirror, but you can use the one in the latrine.” River nodded in silence as Inara whipped off the robe and shook it out. She went into the latrine and closed the door. Inara waited outside. Simon spied her and came out of the infirmary. “So, finished with your ‘feminine things’?” “Yes,” she nodded. “River? Is it all right? Do you like it?” “Yes, I think… I think I like it,” came the reply through the door. “What does she like?” Simon asked. “Well let’s see it. I think your brother would like to see, too,” Inara called, smiling. There was another moment’s silence. The latrine door cracked open just slightly, then a little more, and a little more. Finally River emerged, standing very shyly in the doorway. “River… wow.” The transformation for Simon was radical. About ten centimeters of her hair was missing. It reached just below her shoulders now. Without the extra length to weigh it down, more of its natural wave came out, framing her face with dark ripples. But the shock was really what it did to her overall appearance. She looked older and more mature, much more like a young woman and a lot less like his kid sister. “It looks beautiful!” Inara concurred. “It complements your face perfectly.” “Yes, it looks… great,” was all Simon could muster. River smiled nervously at their compliments. “Thank you,” she walked over to Inara. Inara traced a few strands around her cheeks. “Do you think it’s enough?” “Yes, I think it makes you look like a different person.” River beamed at that. “Yes, it really does,” Simon agreed. “What made you decide to cut your hair?” She turned to her brother, sensing his ambivalence. “I figured if I was going on the job with the captain, I should try not to be recognized.” “Oh. Good idea,” said Simon, sounding a little relieved. “River, you wanna come on up to the bridge?” the captain’s voice crackled over the intercom. With another smile for each of them, River took off up the stairs. “That was what you meant by ‘feminine things’?” Simon asked Inara after she was gone. “What else did you think I meant to do with scissors?” “I… well, I, uh…” Simon stammered. Inara shook her head with a knowing smile. She headed for her room. “Inara.” She turned politely. “I wanted to ask, I mean, I know it’s not really my business, but… well it sort of is…” She waited for him to sort out his words from his embarrassment. “Has she ever… come to you, you know... with… about… anything?” Inara held a level gaze at him for a few seconds. Then she smiled confidently. “A Companion does not discuss her clients, Simon,” and she turned and continued on to her room, leaving Simon with a mindful of unanswered questions. River met Jayne coming out of his bunk as she darted across the foredeck. He stopped and swiveled his head to follow her as she passed. “What the… whoa, girl! What you done to yourself?” River spun around, walking backwards for a few steps so Jayne could get a good look at her. “Can’t you tell?” she lilted. Jayne screwed up his face, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “I don’t know. Can’t put my finger on it, but you done somethin’ alright. Look different. Don’ hardly look like you anymore.” She rolled her eyes at him and leaped up the bridge stairs. Jayne watched her go, but could not for the life of him figure out what was different. He walked into the galley, still trying to puzzle it out. “Captain,” River greeted and slid into the copilot’s seat. “There you are. We’re, whoa…” he jerked back when he saw her. She grinned. “You cut your hair?” “Yep,” she started activating her displays. “Huh. Who did it for you?” “Inara.” “Inara cuts hair?” River shrugged. “What inspired the, ah, change?” “I thought it might make it harder for anyone to recognize me, since I’m going with you.” “Well, I’d say it worked. Hardly look like the same person.” “Thank you,” she glowed at his remark. “Now, pay attention,” Mal shifted to all business. “We’re comin’ up on Paquin. I ain’t gonna let you land us, but you’re gonna watch and learn. First, you got your port procedures, then your entry, and finally the touchdown. Each one of them’s important and you don’t wanna forget…” Although she knew very well how to land the ship, she let Mal have his fun at playing teacher. He droned on the entire way to the surface.