Chrysabel frowned at the half of her screen displaying her business accounts, and then at the man who occupied the other half. His smile was one of unflappable calm. Somehow he even managed to be a bit ingratiating. The perfect gentleman, this one was. She did not trust him a millimeter. She checked her accounts again. The balance had increased. The man had actually come through. “Well it appears you are a man of your word after all,” she dryly commented. He smiled genially. “As I promised. I know the amount is not as much as what you would have received from the Alliance, but I would feel remiss if I did not compensate you some for your trouble.” -Trouble indeed,- the gangster of boats thought. “I appreciate the gesture.” She was sorely disappointed at missing out on the million credits, but fifty thousand was not a paltry amount. The whole deal had turned into one big cluster, and she was ready to take anything away from it that she could. “I thank you for your assistance. The information you provided is of great importance to my purpose.” His smile was just as smooth as ever. “You’re welcome,” she replied, wondering suspiciously who had gotten the better end of the deal. “Good day, Miss Chrysabel,” he inclined his head gracefully and terminated the wave from his end. Shuttle two lurched as it disconnected from Serenity’s docking bay. Inara wrapped her hands around the controls so familiar. It was a small comfort against a journey that was otherwise going to be nerve-wracking by any stretch of her imagination. She let the shuttle’s momentum carry it a little away from Serenity. “Okay, Inara,” Mal spoke to her over the radio. “Take her in, get what we need, and get out. No sightseein’. Call for us the minute you get back here and we’ll come runnin’. Got it?” “Yes, Mal, I’ve got it.” She let her irritation cover her nerves. Serenity’s navigation thrusters fired, pushing her farther away from the shuttle. Inara threw the switches to activate the engines and pushed the throttle lever forward. The shuttle rumbled to life and took off towards the distant brown-green orb of Persephone. It was going to be a long trip. By some miracle they encountered no Alliance patrols as they entered Persephone’s system. Even so, it would have been ludicrous to attempt to get anywhere near the planet with Serenity, let alone land. So Mal dumped her, Kaylee, and Jayne as close as he could, and they had to hoof it the rest of the way. At least a ten hour flight, a little less if she burned at maximum thrust the entire way. But that would be stretching the small ship’s fuel. She figured an even twelve hours to be safe. “So what we gonna do now for twelve ruttin’ hours?” Jayne griped already. Inara rolled her eyes. “We could sing songs,” Kaylee suggested. Jayne groaned. “Ninety-nine ping pi jiu on the wall, ninety-nine ping pi jiu. Take one down, pass it around,” Kaylee belted slightly off-key. “Shou sheng!” Jayne covered his ears. Anna giggled. Kaylee stopped, then smiled impishly, and started right back up. “Ninety-eight ping pi jiu on the wall!” Anna and Matthias both burst out laughing. It was good to hear laughter again. A few hours later, Jayne and Kaylee were both fast asleep in their seats. Over that time, Persephone had grown larger in the window, but on the level of minutes, Inara felt like they were flying on a conveyor belt going in the opposite direction, as there was nothing to denote such a gradual change. She heard a rustle behind her and Anna approached the cockpit. “Matthias is asleep, too. May I?” she asked. “Certainly.” Anna eased herself into the copilot’s seat, her mouth a line of discomfort until she was completely settled. Inara watched her from the corner of her eye. Her supply of Pescaline-D had run out two days ago. The poor woman was obviously feeling the effects of going without her treatment. “Are you going to be okay?” “I’ll manage,” Anna gave a grim smile. “Doctor Tam gave me something. It won’t treat the disease like the Pescaline would, but it numbs the pain a bit.” Inara wondered what it must be like to live with a handicap like that, dependent upon something just to get through the day. “I don’t think of it as a handicap,” Anna responded, picking up the thought. Then she colored. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t blocking very well.” “It’s okay,” Inara assured. “I wish the captain didn’t want us off,” Anna spoke with regret. “I think Matthias could really help River. He showed me a little of what she showed him, but he won’t show me all of it. Even so, what I saw was… disturbing.” “Yes, I think it might have helped having you and your husband around. But that’s Mal for you. Always thinks he knows best. He gets a notion in his head, and the man can be so infuriatingly stubborn…” Inara caught herself and blushed a little, with an embarrassed sideways glance at Anna. The woman seemed not to notice her near-rant. They drifted in silence for a while. “Can I ask, why did you become a Companion?” . “Why?” Inara asked with a wary glance, trying to feel out if Anna had read her or was merely curious. “Well, you’re obviously very beautiful, and talented in music and the arts. So why choose to be a Companion instead of something else?” “I didn’t choose to,” Inara sighed despite herself. “It was expected of me.” “Oh. You didn’t want to be one?” Anna questioned. “Oh, no,” Inara belatedly tried to cover her tone of regret. “I did. I mean, I’ve been training since I was twelve years old, and before that I was already being groomed for selection into a training house. It’s just… always been my destiny, I guess.” Inside, she was fighting the same battle she had when River brought up the subject, wondering if that was really all there was to it. “I know I couldn’t be a Companion,” Anna went on. “Why not?” Inara asked only out of politeness. She was used to hearing all the reasons over the years, mostly from her female clients. They were always not pretty enough, not talented enough, not disciplined enough, or not able to give up their desire to have children. She understood what they really meant is that they envied her for being all those things. They were actually compliments, in a backhanded sort of way. “I would miss being in love,” Anna said. “You see, I don’t believe in destiny, or fate, or that the future is written in the stars. I’m not even sure I believe in God,” she gave a small, uncertain laugh. “But I do believe that there’s a chance, however small, that we’ll find the person we’re supposed to fall in love with. If I were a Companion, I would have to give that up.” Inara’s knuckles whitened on the control column. The woman had to be reading her, but Anna’s eyes were on the approaching planet, seemingly unaware of the maelstrom within. “It’s so beautiful,” she observed with wonderment. “Planets in space, whirling about with so many people on them. So close and yet so far away. Makes the ‘verse seem mighty huge when I think on it.” “Yes, it does,” Inara agreed automatically, her thoughts too tumultuous to say anything more than that. “Anna?” Matthias’ voice called from the passenger compartment. “I’m up front,” she called back. “How far are we?” he asked, appearing at the cockpit door. “Still a few hours to go,” Inara answered, glad for the change of subject. “Thank you for the company,” Anna said. “My pleasure,” Inara nodded and smiled pleasantly, though it had been anything but. Anna heaved herself out of the seat, a little painfully again, and returned to the passenger compartment with her husband. The rest of the flight Inara spent alone with her thoughts. Anna rested against Matthias, glad for his support. The Bowdens made her every muscle and joint ache. Just holding herself upright in a seat was taxing. Matthias stroked her hair absently. She felt the tension in him without needing to read him. “What’s wrong?” “I can’t help thinking there was more I could have done. I know things were not in the best circumstances, and there wasn’t much time. Still, I should have been able to do something for her.” Anna realized he was talking about River. “You did what you could. She’s very strong. She’ll have Simon and everyone else on board to help her. They all care for her a lot.” “Yes, but she was withdrawing. Except for that one moment when she came out during the song, she’s pulling away from everyone. I’m not sure they can keep her from going to darker places. If the captain had just let us stay…” he shook his head forlornly. “The captain did what he thought was best. He’s stubborn like that, Inara told me.” “Yes, you could say as much,” Matthias smiled but without humor. “It’s just, I had a chance, Anna,” he looked into his wife’s eyes. “I had a chance to undo some of what I’ve done. I don’t know if I’ll get that chance again.” She saw the guilt tearing at him and she met his gaze with sympathy and understanding. -We’ll just have to see where life takes us, love,- she thought to him. He squeezed her closer. Now they were both glad for each other’s support. Twelve hours and fifteen minutes after it left Serenity, the shuttle reached the edge of Persephone’s airspace. Its skin glowed incandescently as it broke atmo. The steady rumble and vibration of entry shook the cabin. “Huh? Wha…” Kaylee’s head lolled up at the noise. Jayne growled and stretched into a yawn, only one eye open. “About damn time,” he mumbled as he noticed superheated atmosphere flickering by the window. “We’ll be setting down in a few minutes,” Inara said as she deployed the stabilizers for atmospheric flight. She fired the ventral thrusters to ease their descent. Soon they were gliding in over the skyscrapers, angling for an open space somewhere near the Eavesdown Docks. Inara found something acceptable and settled the shuttle on the surface. She locked everything down while the rest prepared to disembark. Kaylee had to support Anna as she stepped out of the shuttle while Matthias carried their duffels. “Thank you,” Anna said, breath short with obvious pain. Nevertheless, she valiantly tried to take her duffel from Matthias, who refused with a warm, yet disapproving look. “I hope you’ll be okay,” Kaylee said. “It really was a pleasure to meet you, even though the circumstances coulda been better.” “It was a pleasure meeting you, too,” Anna reached to embrace Kaylee. “Yes. Thank you for all you’ve done for us. I only wish there was more we could do for you,” Matthias said. He bowed his lean frame to Inara. She inclined her head and returned her best Companion’s smile. With a last awkward smile, they started walking away, Anna holding Matthias’ arm. “Goodbye!” Kaylee waved. “Bao zhong!” “Hou hui you qi,” Matthias called back. “Jian xing,” replied Inara. She knew it was just pleasantries. They would most likely never see each other again. “Bu lang bu you, if you ask me,” Jayne complained. “Brought us nothin’ but trouble, and can’t even get the reward to make up for it.” “Jayne, how can you say that? They’re good people. You can’t still be sore at ‘em.” She punched him in the arm. “Ow!” He rubbed the spot she hit. “Come on, you two. We have a lot to do.” Inara was feeling the urgency to get what they needed and be gone. Whereas once Persephone had been a welcome and inviting home away from home, now she wanted nothing more than to be off of it and away from the prying eyes of the Alliance. Her outfit was the simplest she had, a plain black dress with a golden shawl tucked into an obi at her waist. She wanted to maintain the respectability of a Companion without attracting any sort of attention. In the back of her mind, she took some comfort from knowing she could turn to the Guild for protection if something happened. They would probably provide refuge for Kaylee as well. Jayne would be on his own, but he could handle himself in most any situation. However, that would leave Mal and the others out to dry. She said a silent prayer for luck. After a good two hours of shopping and haggling, the three managed to procure enough supplies at a reasonably cheap price without having to settle for something that might give them botulism, or worse. They were tired and sweaty under the late afternoon sun, but without a mule they had to lug everything back to the shuttle’s landing site. Inara urged them forward at a brisk pace, much to Jayne’s displeasure. Even Kaylee moaned a little bit about the load of protein she carried. Inara ignored them, much more worried about leaving Serenity as easy prey for any passing Alliance cruiser if they dallied. They were not far from the shuttle when a voice rang out. “Inara Serra?” Inara swept her eyes around in fright, expecting to see armor-clad troops surrounding them. Instead, she saw a somewhat elderly man, dressed in the attire of someone more well-to-do than was typically found in the Docks strolling towards her. “Inara, is that you? It is, isn’t it!” She recognized the man now and her face lit up. “Samson!” The gentleman greeted her with an embrace and a quick kiss on each cheek, which she returned. “Ah, still as lovely as ever,” he looked her over, more in a fatherly fashion than anything. “Why thank you. You still look quite dashing as well.” “Not so much as I used to, I know. But thank you for saying.” Jayne and Kaylee took the opportunity lay down their burdens in relief. “But what are you doing here?” Samson asked with a confused frown. “I might ask you the same thing, a man of your stature,” she teased him gently. “Well, even a gentleman likes to hunt for a bargain now and again. Besides, I find the selections down here are sometimes more… varied than what are in the shops,” he winked. “How about you? A registered Companion perusing the Eavesdown Docks for clients, eh?” It was another jest, and she put on her best inside joke laugh. “Oh, I’m on a bit of a leave from the training house. Just needed to resupply my ship,” she indicated her shipmates and their loads. “Ah. I suppose that means the rumors aren’t true then.” “What rumors?” she asked casually enough, but her thoughts rang with alarm. “About your sudden disappearance. It was all over the Guild circles that you had run off with that dastardly Captain Reynolds, and the Guild was going to suspend you. Complete nonsense, I’m sure. I do hope you’ve terminated your relationship with that man, though,” he turned serious for a moment. “Not the kind of person a respectable Companion would deal with. Kidnapping that poor girl and raiding all those Rim settlements,” he shook his head at the atrocity of it. He did not seem to notice Inara’s pleasant demeanor slipping. “Samson, please excuse me. I have to go now,” she said, foreboding settling uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. “Oh, of course, of course. Please, stay in touch. When your little hiatus is over, I’d love for you to pay another visit,” he grinned. “Yes, I’ll… thank you.” She turned her back to him without any further parting banter and started moving briskly in the direction of the shuttle. “Hey! Wait up!” Kaylee called as she breezed past. She wanted to break into a run, but that was dangerous while trying to weave through the crowds with a loaded sack on her shoulder. Even so, she kept up a pace that was almost a jog. Jayne and Kaylee huffed and struggled under their loads to keep up. When they reached their landing spot, Inara threw her sack into the shuttle and leaped aboard. She was already warming up the engines by the time Kaylee and Jayne climbed in. “Inara, what’s goin’ on? Who was that?” asked Kaylee. “We have to get back,” was all she said. “Has something happened?” Kaylee’s question was fearful. Inara did not answer. She gave power to the thrusters and lifted the shuttle off the ground like a rocket. Kaylee and Jayne wobbled from the violent take-off. “Hey! Easy there, ‘Nara,” Jayne shouted. Ignoring him, she slammed the throttle wide open and sent the ship tearing skyward. Once they were out of atmo and safely on their way to rendezvous with Serenity, Inara was finally able to bring a semblance of rationality to her thoughts. She had to call the training house and find out what Samson was talking about. Suspension? She could not believe it. “What the hell was all that about?” Jayne strode to the cockpit door. “I need some privacy, please,” she told him without further explanation. She pulled the door closed in front of his surprised face. Logging into the Cortex, she typed in the code she wanted, and waited for the wave to be answered. “Nin hao,” a lovely blond woman with refined features answered. “Sheydra.” “Inara! Xing fu fo tuo, where have you been?” “Sheydra, what’s going on?” “You’ve been gone for months without a wave! I was afraid something happened to you. We all were. Are you okay?” “I’m fine. Lots of things have happened to me. But right now I need to know what is going on. I just spoke with Samson Deloitte and he told me there were rumors the Guild was suspending me.” Sheydra’s expression provided the answer before she even spoke. “I’m sorry, Inara. I would have waved you, but I didn’t know where you were. No one did. There was nothing I could do.” “They can’t do this,” she protested. “They already have, shortly after the news about Serenity broke over the Cortex.” “Why?” “Inara,” Sheydra was surprised by her friend’s lack of understanding. “Malcolm Reynolds is wanted on some very serious charges. The Guild sees it as unbecoming for a registered Companion to continue to conduct business with someone so disreputable. And since you disappeared during all this, they want to investigate your whereabouts and dealings as well.” “They think I’m implicated in it?” Inara asked, incredulous. “Well, are you?” Sheydra asked softly. It stung her to hear it. She fought for control, and for words. “Sheydra, what happened with Serenity was…” she could not finish. Any explanation she gave would sound outlandish, and maybe even put Sheydra in danger. She looked down at her hands, jaw trembling slightly. “Inara?” Sheydra gently prodded. “The High Priestess summoned you to Sihnon for an inquiry. If anyone heard from you, we were to wave the Guild immediately.” “Sheydra,” Inara pleaded. “Please. I just need some more time. There are things that have to be worked out. I promise after that, I’ll have an explanation for it all that will exonerate me with the Guild. You have to trust me.” Sheydra looked away, torn. “All right,” she finally answered. “I won’t tell them. But, please, don’t take too long. If they decide to discharge you, you will never be allowed back, even if you can prove your innocence.” “I know. I’ll take care of it. Thank you.” The woman smiled weakly. “Hui jia jin kuai.” “I will.” The screen went black. Inara leaned against the console, head in hand. Suspended. Inquiry. Discharged. The words hit like stones at the bottom of a well that was her soul. She had no idea what she was going to do. The other two were waiting for her just outside the cockpit door, Kaylee with a worried expression, and Jayne with an irritated one. “Inara, what’s goin’ on?” Kaylee spoke first. “Nothing. I had to see to something. A personal matter.” “Already plannin’ on some recreatin’ with that ‘friend’ o’ your’n we met?” Jayne sneered. Inara’s anger flared, but she controlled it quickly. Best to let Jayne think that anyways. Still, she gave him a glare. “It’s okay, Kaylee. Nothing’s wrong,” she lied with a perfectly placed smile to put her friend at ease. Inside, she was tearing herself up. “Better settle in for another long ride,” she returned to the controls. Very little light entered her thoughts as she stared out the window at the black rolling by. After another thoroughly exhausting twelve hour trip, the shuttle was finally close enough to raise Serenity on the radio. “Serenity, this is shuttle two, copy?” “Inara! ‘Bout gorram time!” Mal was angry and tense. His voice gave it away even over the radio. “You knew this would take a while, Mal. If I flew any faster, we’d run out of fuel.” “You get the supplies?” “Yes, of course.” “Shiny. Get back here double-time. And give me Kaylee. We’re havin’ issues.” “Issues” did not sound good to Inara’s ears, but the fact that Serenity was still flying meant at least it was not Alliance related. “Kaylee,” she shouted back into the hold. “Mal wants you.” Kaylee came up to the cockpit and took the radio mic. “Yeah, Cap’n?” “Kaylee, you got work to do when you get back. Engine power’s fluxin’ all over the place. I had River shut her down ‘cept for auxiliaries. She’s got some know-how, but she don’t know Serenity like you do.” “Fei yi suo si! All right, Cap’n.” She slapped the microphone back into its holder, scowling. “I’m gone for a day, and he let’s her fall apart!” she flapped her arms. “Er bai wu.” Inara silently agreed with her to an extent. She eased back on the throttle as the faint speck of Serenity appeared in the distance. A few moments later, the shuttle settled neatly into its berth. Kaylee was out first, reserving her meanest glare for Mal as she passed him beside the airlock. “What did you do to her?” she accused, not stopping on her way to the engine room. “I didn’t do nothin’!” Mal replied, indignant. “Just get her runnin’ smooth again.” He turned and was hit in the chest by a sack of foodstuffs Jayne tossed his way. “Ungh!” he stumbled back a step. “We’s all stocked up,” Jayne grinned. Mal glared. “How much you spend?” “Not all of it. Inara’s pretty good at hagglin’. Got us some fair deals.” “Good. Get it stowed. As soon as Kaylee rights us, we’ll be on our way.” While they unloaded, Inara remained in the shuttle cockpit, unable to move. She could not control the shaking in her limbs. Her thoughts were awhirl in doubt. She had always tried to distance herself from Serenity. At first it was simply a professional rule. She rented the shuttle so she would have some physical separation and some privacy. But the longer she stayed on, the more attached she became. The ship drew her in with some inexorable force. It frightened her that she could not seem to resist it, and frightened her even more that part of her did not want to. Even when she tried to break away, did break away, and left it all behind, somehow she was drawn back. Every path, every decision she made led to this place. Anna had told her she did not believe in fate or destiny. Inara liked to think she was in control of her own life as well, so why did she always find herself here? Stepping out of the shuttle would be like confirming that fate. Her role as a Companion had been her defense against it, allowing her to believe that this was just an arrangement, that she did not really belong. But now that defense was gone. There was only blackness beyond, with no way to see ahead. Kaylee was on her back beneath the engine, working through a tangle of wires hanging from an access panel. Mal hovered nearby. “Yep,” she confirmed what River had deduced from the systems diagnostics. “One of the power relays from the fuel cells is bad. Looks like cables are burned out. That’s why she was fluxin’. Can’t get no steady flow through scorched cables.” She slid out from beneath the machinery, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “So what’s it mean?” Mal asked. “I can fix it. It ain’t too terribly complicated. But we gotta be shut down for a while ‘till I’m done. Gotta take the relay out, replace the cable. Pro’bly have somethin’ around that’ll work. If not, I can bypass it. It’ll keep us flyin’, but we’ll lose some power output.” “How long?” Mal demanded. “Couple hours. Maybe two. Maybe three.” Mal hammered his fist lightly against the engine housing. “That’s two, three hours us dead in space for the Alliance to find.” “Can’t help it, Cap’n. If I don’t do it right, the whole thing burns out and we’re never gonna get movin’ again.” “Well, get on it then. Whatever it takes get power back so we can get outta this system.” “Yes, sir.” Mal, wandered out of the engine room. It was late, or early morning to be precise, by the standard clock. He was tired and cranky, but too wired up to sleep. He would just be a hindrance to Kaylee in the engine room, and River was at her turn on the watch, leaving nothing for him to do but stew. So he walked the ship. It was more silent than usual with the engine on stand-by and the auxiliaries running. He did not like not feeling the steady thrum through her decks. It was like the space between heartbeats drawn out immensely long, so that one was not sure when or if the next one would come. He ambled downstairs first with no real purpose in mind. All was dark and silent. Everything but the emergency lights was off to save power. He turned to go back up when he saw a faint glow behind Inara’s door. It was odd of her to be up still. He thought he could use some company, though, and hoped maybe she could, too. She thought his main goal in life was to annoy her, and in truth he sometimes got a kick out of pushing her buttons. But most of the time that was not the case. There was just something about her that drew him out. He always assumed it was her Companion training. When he thought more about it, though, he wondered if it was because she was never really a part of his crew. As familiar as they were with each other, he was captain and everyone else was his subordinate. Zoe was the closest person to him, but their relationship was built on the camaraderie of war. They could share things, some of them deeply personal, but they all revolved around their experiences as soldiers. Inara was neutral ground. He walked over and tapped lightly on her door. No response. “Inara, you up?” he called quietly. There was no real need to be quiet, since Simon’s room was open and dark. He was probably camping out in Kaylee’s bunk tonight. However, the extra silence throughout the ship seemed to warrant it. “What do you want, Mal?” she finally answered. Her voice sounded hoarse and raw. “Just lookin’ for some company. Not much I can do to help Kaylee out, but don’t particularly feel the desire to sleep, neither.” “Please go away,” she said after a few seconds. Something was definitely wrong with her voice. “You okay?” he asked. “Sounds like you’re comin’ down with somethin’. Want I should get the doc?” “I’m fine, just go away.” There was no more sure a sign that something was wrong than when she denied it. If she was getting sick, he should have Simon look at her right away. Once it got into the atmo, it was sure bet they would all get it eventually. They were not in a situation to afford some bug taking down a crew member or two. “Now I’ve said this before, that even with all your Companion trainin’, sometimes you’re a terrible li…” He cut off when he opened the door and saw her. Her face was red, bleary eyed, and stained with tears. Her make-up, which he always assumed she must sleep in, was not on. She was curled up against the wall on her bed, absolutely in shambles. He stared at her, both shocked and embarrassed by his intrusion. “Oh, Mal…” She hid her face in her arms, body shuddering with sobs. He recovered enough presence of mind to shut her door and at least prevent the humiliation of anyone else seeing her in this state. As he looked back, he felt his chest constrict. She was hurting badly. He did not think it was possible for something to break her down like that. He wanted to race over to her, to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew that was not a reality. Instead he shuffled his feet, hands thrust in his pockets. “So, uh… is there somethin’ you wanna talk about?” She looked at him through her tears. “The Guild revoked my license, Mal. I’m suspended from acting as a Companion. They’re conducting an inquiry, which could lead to me being discharged and banned forever.” “What? Why?” Mal was just as surprised as she had been to hear that. “Because of you!” she lashed out in sudden anger, then just as quickly it disappeared. “Because of everything that’s happened.” Mal stared at the floor, a heavy weight descending on his shoulders. He swallowed. “I’m… sorry.” He mulled in silence a bit. “Look, tell them that you had nothin’ to do with it. Tell ‘em I held you against your will or somethin’ like that. Hell, I’m already wanted, what’s one more charge to add on?” he tried to be flippant, but failed miserably. “How exactly are you going to do that, Mal?” Inara demanded. “Fly to Sihnon, waltz into the Guild temple, and give your testimony to my innocence?” Mal’s hope deflated. She was right. It was ridiculous to think to solve it that way. “I’ve lost everything. Everything I worked for all these years. It’s gone now.” A fresh round of sobbing assailed her, and Mal sank onto the edge of her bed, head hung between his shoulders. “Inara, I never wanted any of this. I ain’t been in a hole this deep since the war, but at least then it was my choice. Confess I don’t see no easy way out of this, and believe me I’ve tried. Ain’t a day goes by I don’t try to figure it out. Just seems no matter what move I make, that hole keeps gettin’ deeper. I’m sorry I had to drag all you down it with me.” His look at her was open with guilt and anguish. It made her cry harder. “It’s funny,” she sniffed when she recovered some. “River and Anna both asked me the same question, if I wanted to be a Companion. It wasn’t a matter of want. It just was. Later, I thought I wanted it. I tried hard. But if I’m not a Companion, then what am I?” She searched his face as if he had the answer, and her expression was one of such lost desperation that Mal was afraid he would break down as well. He did not know how to respond. “I’ve been nothing but a glorified whore and a liar my entire life,” she said with anguished bitterness. “No!” Mal snapped with a sudden hard look. “No,” he repeated, softening. “You been a friend and sister to Kaylee, you helped protect Simon and River, you kept Jayne in line when his head got bigger than his brain.” A tiny smile eeked out of her at his last comment. “You’re a part of this ship. Even if you ain’t on the crew, you’re a part of it as much as anyone else. It ain’t right without you.” There was more heartfelt meaning behind his words than he could convey. He looked away. Inara looked down at her knees. “I never wanted to leave. I just thought I had to. Serenity changed me, Mal. I thought I was going to lose myself if I stayed.” “Maybe you were gonna find yourself instead.” A long silence passed between them. “What’re you gonna do now?” Mal finally asked. “Become a petty thief like you?” That got them both smiling just a little. “I don’t know,” she answered, turning serious. “I don’t have anywhere else go.” “Well, you’ll always have a place here. Stay as long as you like, ‘till you figure it out.” He smiled, and her eyes rimmed with tears again “Why do you have to be this way, Mal?” she flopped her hands in her lap and tried to blink the tears away. “Which way?” he asked, clueless. “You call me a whore, but nearly get yourself killed defending my honor. You try to protect me from your way of life, but then you bring me in on your schemes. You say there’s always a place for me on Serenity and that I’m a part of her, then you push me away.” He was confounded. “I… well, I guess… I just don’t know what to make of you.” One sentence, spoken by an eighteen year old girl, ran through her head: “When you care for someone, you should be able to tell them.” Another followed it: “I do believe that there’s a chance, however small, that we’ll find the person we’re supposed to fall in love with.” She scooted across the bed closer to him. “Tell me, Mal, do you want me on this ship?” She leveled her gaze at him, dark eyes intense, until he met it. “Yes,” he answered quietly. “Tell me why.” Mal’s face registered a mix of confusion, anger, and what might have been a bit of fear. She saw his jaw twitch at his temple. Without warning, she leaned in and kissed him hard. Now his look was of shock, almost aghast. “Tell me, Mal. Do you want me?” Her voice was soft and husky, full of strained emotion. Mal’s eyes roved over her face for a few seconds. “Yes,” it was almost a growl. She kissed him again, and this time he met her. It was passionate, forceful, almost violent. Their lips met desperately again and again. “Why couldn’t you tell me?” she asked between breaths. “Why couldn’t you tell me?” he replied. She slipped off his suspenders and started tugging the buttons of his shirt loose. His lips moved to her neck and he buried himself in her hair, inhaling its sweetness. She rolled her head to the side, eyelids fluttering, lips slightly parted. She yanked open his shirt and ran her hands across his chest before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down on top of her. His bare chest scraped against her, skin so hot it almost burned. The warmth of his body was all around her, within her. Little electric bolts sizzled behind her eyelids. She moved slowly, not taking control, but simply responding to what he was doing. She wrapped herself around him, fingers sliding through his hair. He shifted and she gasped and writhed. He stifled a moan in her throat with another powerful kiss. -I… me… want this…- Then the raging storm swept away all thought, leaving nothing but exuberant sensation in its wake.

ping pi jiu- beer bottle shou sheng- shut up Bao zhong- "Take care." Hou hui you qi- "We'll meet again." Jian xing- "Farewell." bu lang bu you- useless; good-for-nothing nin hao- hello (formal) xing fu fo tuo- blessed Buddha Hui jia jin kuai- "Come home soon." Fei yi suo si- "Unbelievable!" er bai wu- a stupid or useless person; retarded