Rating: R

Pairing: Jayne/Kaylee

Confession

She had lost track of the time. They had dozed, she had no idea for how long, his body wrapped around hers, skin to skin, her head cradled on his arm, his breath in her ear. She felt safe and warm, cocooned against him in the dark

“You awake?” he whispered.

“Mmmm,” she murmured and wriggled backwards. His arms tightened around her.

“Want some water, or - somethin’?”

“Mmmm…okay,” she yawned and stretched, becoming aware of nagging aches and tender spots that were new since yesterday. She was feeling kind of thirsty now that he’d mentioned it. He moved, and she felt cool air where his body had been. She heard water running, heard him swallowing, then he sat on the edge of the bed and found her hand, led it to the glass. She leaned up on one elbow and drank, handed it back when it was empty.

“Want some more?” he asked, his fingers tenderly pushing a strand of hair back from her face.

“No, that was good. Thanks.” He got up and she curled up again, her eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness of the room. He was standing by the bed. Just standing there.

“What?” she yawned again.

“I gotta - go,” he muttered. It took a minute, wondering where he had to go this time of night, and then she started chuckling.

“’s okay. You go. Won’t bother me none. I grew up in a house full of men, you know.” Still, she smiled into her pillow as he pulled out the commode and relieved himself. They’d just had some of the best sex she’d ever had in her life, maybe the best, and Jayne was uneasy about peeing in front of her. It was really kind of sweet, in a way. He washed his hands, dried them on a towel and came back to sit on the edge of the bed again. She put her hand on his thigh, tracing the corded muscles there, just…getting to know his body. He sighed heavily and put his hand over hers, just held it. She linked her fingers with his, brought it to her mouth, kissed his knuckles.

“Kaylee, I-“ he hesitated. He seemed to be searching for words, and she took his hand, placed it on her breast. She didn’t really want to talk right now. The fact that he didn’t start touching her again was right bothersome.

“What?” she was fully awake now, and could sense the tension radiating from him. She sat up, “You - you want me to go back to my bunk?”

“No!” he said quickly, and eased her back down, his hands gentle on her shoulders. “No, no, I don’t want you to leave. I just - it’s just - aw, hell, I don’t know. Reckon I gotta tell you something. Something you ain’t gonna like. But - you need to know what you’re getting into here. With me. Dong ma?” While she digested the fact that she was getting into something with him, something more than just sex and comfort, he stood up again and started to pace in what little room there was to do that. Kaylee slid up to the head of the bed and drew her knees to her chest, pulling the blanket up to cover her. She rested her chin on her drawn-up knees, and now that her eyes were pretty well adjusted, she tracked his lithe movements to and fro. It seemed to her that Jayne was working himself into some kind of a state. He reminded her of nothing so much as a captive wolf, prowling from one end of his cage to the other, sleek and dangerous, just waiting for someone to come and let him out. She was fascinated.

“What, Jayne? What do you have to tell me?” She started nibbling at one of her nails, a nervous habit she’d been trying to break all her life. She knew it was real serious when he reached over and pulled his pants up off the floor, stepped into them before he sat back on the very edge of the bed next to her. He stared straight ahead, a muscle in his jaw jerking.

“Something I did you need to know about. I ain't proud of it. If - if you don’t ever wanna talk to me again, I reckon I’d deserve that, but this - it don’t need to be between us. And I’ll still - I’ll still look out for ya, Kaylee, no matter what. I promise you that.” His voice was gruff, and he still wouldn’t look at her.

Kaylee started to rock a little. This was sounding more and more ominous.

“Well. You’d best just tell me then, I guess…let me be the judge of whether or not I think it’s all that bad.”

“Yeah,” he said. But he just sat there for another minute, gathering his thoughts. She waited. The silence was grating on her nerves real bad when he finally broke it.

“You remember back on Ariel? When the feds came for the doc and his sister?”

She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her. “Yeah, I remember. Simon said you helped get ‘em out of there, risked your neck to do it.”

“Well. Gorram feds wouldn’ta been there in the first place if I hadn’t called ‘em.” He spat the words out like they’d been choking him. Probably had.

Kaylee let out a relieved sigh. Was that it? He was all worked up over that old business? She wet her lips, cleared her throat and said softly, “I know.”

“I was just stupid, Kaylee, and jealous. Greedy. And - what? What do you mean, you know?” He jerked his head around and looked hard at her then, as her words finally sank in.

“I mean I know you called the feds. Knew it since - well, since it happened, I guess. See - when we were taking off, and the cap’n had the airlock open, the engine was struggling, having to pull too hard, you know, to get us going. It’s happened before. Don’t usually stop us from breaking atmo but it’ll suck everything in there out. So, I went to check and see if some fong luh had forgot to close the airlock, and I - well, I heard you two arguing.”

“You did?” He was clearly having difficulty processing that, probably wondering why she hadn’t said anything to him.

“Yep. Heard you ask the captain not to tell anybody what you did.” She reached out and put a hand on his back, smoothed the tight muscles against her palm as she spoke,

“I thought about it for a long time. Why you’d do such a thing. I figured mostly it was ‘cause River had sliced you open with that butcher’s knife and you were mad. You always lash out when you get mad. Seen it a dozen times. You wanted ‘em off the ship. Plus, the money was prob’ly tempting ya, too. But then, I figured if that was all it was, you’d have left them in that hospital. You coulda done that, real easy. No one ever woulda known but you. What I finally figured out was something must've happened to make you change your mind. I don’t know what it was, but you did the right thing in the end, helped get ‘em outta there, and that’s what matters. To me, anyway. And then you bought us those apples, cause you were feeling guilty, which was real shiny of you.” She was smiling at him now, teasing a little. If anything, the muscles under her hand tensed even more.

“Huh. Think you got me all figured out, don’t ya?” Jayne shook his head. He hadn’t been expecting this. Wished he could just let it go at that, let her keep her good ideas about him. But it wouldn't have been right.

“No, Kaylee, I ain’t that...what’s the word? Noble? I know right from wrong, same as anybody else. Choose to do wrong more times than not. ‘Specially if the money’s good. Only reason I didn’t leave ‘em two behind was ‘cause I was scared. When they led us out of there, I saw a chance to escape and I took it. Simon…well, he helped. It was River that led us to the right door. Hell, I’da turned around and went back the way we came and been killed for it. No. I ain’t no kinda hero, and you got no reason to be thinkin’ I am. You’re right, I was mad at that shiong-mung duh kwong-run for cutting me, was real scared she might hurt you some day, but it was more’n that…I just wanted that yu bun duh doctor gone. Fact there was money to be made was just icing on the cake. Didn’t figure anybody’d ever find out.” He put his head down in his hands, his back bowed.

Kaylee didn’t ask him why he wanted Simon gone. She had a pretty good idea as to the answer, anyway. But she had other questions that needed answering. Important ones.

“Were you…were you planning on doing it all along? I mean, we weren’t even gonna get off the ship until Simon came up with that plan of his, so-?”

“Nah. Idea didn’t hit me ‘til I was out on the street, and there was a vid phone right in front of me. Had the Fed’s number right there on it, easy as pie. I just - did it. Wasn’t thinking about why, or what’d happen to ‘em when the Feds got their hands on ‘em. Just did it.”

“Would you do it again?”

The question hung in the air between them, coiled like a snake. She reached over until she could pull Jayne's face towards her. So she could look in his eyes, see the truth. She watched him thinking about it, working out the truth for himself, and he shook his head, slowly.

“No.” And then more firmly, his shoulders straightening. “Hell, no.”

She smiled, an ear to ear grin that lit up her face. “I knew it.”

“Still don’t make me a good man,” he said fiercely. “Still don’t make me somebody you should oughta be with.”

So. The wolf was willing to stay imprisoned in his cage if she decided that’s what she wanted. Wasn’t that…noble of him?

Kaylee raked her nails up his back, smiling to herself when he jumped. “Well, now, I thought we were gonna let me be the judge of that,” she said. She scooted over and swung herself around until she was sitting in his lap, facing him, her breasts rubbing teasingly against his chest, her arms around his neck. His hold on her was tentative, unsure, like he was afraid she would break if he touched her.

He needed a good talking to.

“Let me tell you something, Mr. Cobb,” she whispered in his ear. “Bad men are the ones who know right from wrong, and when they choose wrong they never regret it and they never look back. Never feel any guilt over those wrong choices. Never learn from ‘em. That ain’t you, though,” she assured him. “You got a lot of … potential… to be a good man.” She bit his earlobe, and her smile widened as she felt him draw in a sharp breath. “You just need someone to believe in you, is all. ‘Cause you don’t let people down, Jayne, when they believe in you.” She nibbled a trail from his ear to his collarbone. He put his mouth against her ear, breathed in her scent. His arms slowly tightened around her.

“You gonna believe in me, Kaylee?” he growled.

She smiled against the pulse in his throat. “Already do,” she murmured.

And with those words, she let the wolf out of his cage.