After supper Harriet traced her errant paramour to the cargo bay, where he was crouched above the crates of cargo, gently re-stowing each snow globe in its bed of soft wadding with a tenderness that belied his rough exterior. She leant against the stair rail and folded her arms, speaking to his back.

“So let me see if I’ve understood you and your downright cunning plan, possibly to get us all killed, correctly. You’re suggesting that, of our own volition, we go seek out the treacherous little snake who often times has, as I recall, tried to kill us and incidentally, whatever her devious little brain comes up with, she’s got the drop on us every time,” as she spoke Mal, sighing heavily, stood up, dusting off his trousers and turned to face her, looking implacable, “anyhow, be that as it may, we’re gonna actively go lookin’ for her and then we’re, stop me if I’ve misunderstood, gonna demand a divorce with menaces?”

Mal nodded, “that’s about the size of it.”

“And you think, in yer somewhat addle-minded brain pan that this is gonna work?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Malcolm Reynolds, has the idea of impending fatherhood driven you entirely round the galaxy? You’ve gone *fong luh*, ain’t no more to be said.” Mal just smiled annoyingly and swung past her to head up the stairs, ruffling her hair as he did so.

“Look Hat, yer need to calm down, can’t be good for the critter, you gettin’ all worked up!” Hat visibly ground her teeth – frothing at the mouth was clearly about to commence, “we just gotta come up with a natty little plan, is all. This time she ain’t gonna pull the wool over our eyes. If we’re sufficiently prepared and we all work together we can swindle her. And won’t that be all kinds a fun?”

“Oh ho! *Nah may gwon-shee*!” said Hat wryly, “that’s all we have to do, is it?” She followed him up the stairs, “and just what is this incredibly clever plan you’ve been harbourin’?”

“Dunno, I ain’t thought of it yet and I ain’t gonna if you don’t stop with the jabberin’ and let me think.”

“Oh great! Don’t I feel cherished!” said Hat sarcastically. Mal turned on the catwalk and gathered her into his arms, kissing her gently. Hat thought she really ought to protest, but, somehow, just couldn’t be bothered. She snuggled into him.

“You just gotta stop frettin’ and trust me. This plan’s gonna be *jing-tsai*. You and the Littlest Reynolds ain’t got nothing to worry about.” Hat nestled up against Mal’s comforting chest, and when she spoke, her voice, in consequence, was rather muffled. “I guess I ain’t got no quarrel with you goin’ after Saffron, except to say this: Mal, I’ve been thinking, I’d rather marry a widower than a divorcee... “

Mal held her from him, looking slightly shocked, “What? Yer wantin’ me to shoot Saffron now?” “Well, it’d make a nice wedding present, I’m thinkin’!” She grinned at him mischievously, but with an edge of sincerity. “You know as well as I do that woman is down right dangerous. Now I ain’t overly keen on goin’ to find her at all, but since yer so set on it, I reckon you should kill her first and then get the divorce. Yup, that does sound mighty appealin’! “ Mal looked wistful, “I ain’t sayin’ I haven’t hankered after puttin’ a bullet in her brain pan my own self, but I ain’t so sure that’s a terribly fittin’ way to start a marriage!”

“Who you plannin’ on ending now, sir?” asked Zoë wandering along the catwalk from the galley, “as if I couldn’t guess! Here, you missed one!”

She threw a snow globe towards Mal. The globe spun in the air and Mal, still with one arm round Hat reached to catch it. His fingertips grazed the edges of the globe as it fell, tipping it slightly, pushing it away from him. It smashed against the rail of the catwalk and a thousand little flakes of fake snow ricochet up into the air. “Damn me if that ain’t prettier than the mended version,” grinned Zoë, “and more’n a little like confetti, I might add.” She looked over at Hat and Mal who were covered with a light dusting, Hat blowing a flake from her nose and raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Great” Hat said in mock consternation, “the whole ‘Verse seems to be conspirin’ against me!” Mal smirked at her. “Well, Mrs Reynolds-to-be, mayhaps now our secrets out, you won’t be adverse to accompanying me to my bunk, once we’ve got this mess squared away a’course, and I’ll give you a good reason to marry me!” “Only the one?” Hat asked archly. Zoë, putting her hands to her ears, leant against the stair rail and made a face, “oh, you two are gonna get old way quickly!” she remarked.

***

“Sooo,” Wash leaned back in his chair and put up his hand for emphasis, “is anyone else a little worried by the Cap’s descent into insanity, or is it just me on this one?”

“Nuh-uh,” said Hat, “I’m right there with you. We ain’t got no call to go stirring up trouble for ourselves by hookin’ up with that pile a trouble, don’t see the percentage in it!”

“I ain’t bothered,” Jayne looked up from cleaning one of his smaller guns, pulling a rag about its barrel, “way I see it, we ain’t like to find the gorram *jien hwo* no how. Can’t figure on her just turnin’ up ready to play. But then can’t say as I’ll be happy traipsin’ all round the damn galaxy lookin’ for them as don’t want to be found!”

Wash made a face, “I ain’t so worried on the lookin’ for her as the actual findin’ her thing. ‘Sides, I ain’t sure Serenity could take another run in with that *boo hway-hun duh puo-foo*. So far she’s had her innards ripped out twice by the back stabbing stool pigeon!”

“She’s a fink and a sneak, no doubt about it, “ agreed Hat, “plus she seems to have an unhealthy effect on my husband to be. Seems to me he’s just a mite too eager to go find that harridan!”

“Hmm,” Book was thoughtful, “be that as it may, and I do agree,” he nodded at Hat, “the Captain’s interest does seem to verge on the unwholesome, but Jayne’s right, we could expend a great deal of money and time searching for this dratted woman and still be no nearer finding her.”

“You ain’t wrong, Shepherd,” Mal spoke from the doorway, as he entered followed by Zoë, “which is why we’re gonna get her come to us!”

***

“I have a plan,” announced the Captain with an air of clam authority. The whole crew were seated round the big galley table, gathered together for the official unveiling of the Big Damn Plan. Everyone looked serious, except River who seemed to be paying little attention and was instead doing something complex with a book and three different coloured markers. Hat was listening with half an ear while peeling mushrooms. While she appreciated that the matter concerned her deeply, she was not over anxious for any kind of real plan to be worked out.

“You have a plan!” repeated Wash, somewhat mockingly. “Does it involve allowing Saffron back on Serenity, ‘cos if it does, I gotta say: bad plan, Captain, bad BAD plan!”

“Yeah, very bad plan, Mal, shame on you!” muttered Hat without looking up.

“Hey!” Mal looked hurt, “I’d take kindly to a little bit a support from my nearest and dearest, thank you very much. We’re doin’ this for you, ya know!”

“No, you ain’t. Your doin’ this for yerself,” Hat glared, “’cos you want our son to be officially yours and out of some antique and chivalrous honour that makes you think a lady ain’t a lady if she has a critter outa wedlock…. Well, you wanna do it, that’s yer choice, but don’t expect me to enjoy the ride.”

“Ok. One, we’re having a girl, and two, I ain’t told you my very fine plan yet. Ain’t gonna need no exertion on your part whatsoever, so you mind piping down a little?”

Hat glared, muttering “gonna be a boy” under her breath and Zoë thought it high time to intervene, “Sir, this plan would be?”

“Ok, as Book said earlier,” Mal continued, with a final angry glower at Hat, “could take a helluva lot of time and money to locate Saffron. What we need is for her to come find us. Now for that we need two things: the bait and the way in. Now, I know we’ve had a few problems disposin’ of the Lassiter, but I reckon this could be an opportunity to kill two” he momentarily lost his train of thought as River looked up at him suddenly with her sharp eyes, he fumbled, ”whatever-it-is you kill with stones, anyhow, to solve two problems at once. Ok so…” He paused, still looking at River curiously.

“The bait,” prompted Inara. She was looking slightly more interested than the others. Not only was she less scared of Saffron, being an acknowledged equal in “the skill” of deception, but she was also more eager than most for a little spot of revenge.

“Yes,” Mal took up the thread, “we head for where we last saw Saffron,”

“Bellerophon,” prompted Kaylee.

“Yeah, Bellerophon, and we pay a visit on Durran Haymer. This gotta be done by someone respectable, someone he’d agree to see.” His eyes travelled to Inara, who nodded. “We let him know we still got the Lassiter and might be willin’ to sell it back, for the right price. Cheeky, I agree,” he said to the open mouths of Zoë and Wash who seemed both about to speak. “At the same time we try to find out where Saffron is. Seems Mr Haymer keeps a weather eye on her. Seems to me we might strike a deal, we could always agree to hand her over when our little piece of business is complete…”

“Then what?” Jayne was looking a bit confused, obviously not yet being able to see the pay off, “can’t see no killing of birds in bushes yet….”

“Aha! That’s where you come in.” Mal said enthusiastically. “We head for the region we know Saffron to be in and we start putting it about as how we still got the Lassiter and are having trouble fencing it. This we do none too subtly, well, when I say “we”, I mean you, Jayne.”

“Ah!” Book nodded knowingly, “the way in?”

“Exactly, well done that preacher!” Mal obviously felt this was the crux of the plan, “Jayne, and trust me yer gonna be very happy with yer part, Jayne, goes to lots of seedy, some might even say, low-down bars and puts it about considerable, together with a mighty amount of alcohol….”

“And whores?” asked Jayne, “gotta look convincing…”

“A whore or two,” said Mal sententiously, “Jayne puts it about as how he and me’ve had one helluva fallin’ out over what to do with said piece of pretty. I haven’t worked out the finer details yet, but I’m guessin’ as how we had a buyer all ready to purchase but I din’t like his face and the deal went south. Much to our Mr Cobb’s chagrin.”

“I am likin’ this plan!” said Jayne earnestly. “So,” said Hat, “I take it yer bankin’ on little miss Saffron bein’ unable to resist and makin’ contact with Jayne with an offer of assistin’ him in gettin’ his own back on you? “ Mal nodded. “And what if it don’t work? What if Saffron don’t bite?”

“Then no harm done,” said Mal, “we just carry on and see if we can sell the Lassiter back to Durran Haymer anyhow. Way I sees it, either way, we win something! Zoë, time to weigh in, what d’you say?”

Zoë nodded thoughtfully, “seems like a sound enough plan. We work it right we could be the winners all ways. But its Saffron, Sir, we can’t be sure of anything. We got to be prepared for all kinds a shenanigans! And what if Durran Haymer just calls the feds on our arses?”

“We make damn sure the meet is on neutral territory with a good escape route, is what!” smiled Mal, “I ain’t fixin’ on sacrificing Inara for the good of the plan!”

“Well, thank you, Mal!” Inara smiled.

Just then River looked up and directly at Mal, “She’s a liar and a thief and no good will come of her!”

“Yes, we know that now, honey,” smiled Kaylee, “the Cap’ll take extra care, won’t you Captain?” Mal nodded and smiled at River.

River shook her head angrily, “no, you don’t. Steals things, not just objects, steals people.” She got up from the table, heading towards the passenger rooms, “she steals and she steals and no one sees.” As she left she looked back at Hat and lowered her voice to a whisper. No one heard. They had all turned back to discussing the caper. “She steals people,” River insisted softly, before heading from the room.

*** Hat leant over the stove. Zoë and Inara both lounged on the more comfortable seating in the “soft” area of the galley. “So,” Inara caught Zoë’s eye and smiled conspiratorially, “are you going to tell us why you don’t want to marry the Captain?” Hat swore gently and withdrew her hand quickly form a saucepan on the stove. “Inara, I’m making fudge: its tricky, please don’t be asking awkward questions!” “Fudge,” Zoë was intrigued, “what in the ‘Verse?…” Hat looked up, frowning slightly, “it’s a pretty old recipe back on Earth-that-was. It’s candy: you heat up sugar really gorram hot and then add water and butter and cream and the like. Getting the consistency right is pretty tough, especially as I ain’t all that sure what it’s supposed to be! And if the hot sugar splashes you it ruttin’ burns for hours!” She held up the back of one hand stippled with little red burns. Inara smiled wistfully, “I had fudge once, back on Shinon – I can tell you if you’ve got it right. It tastes like cream and butter and toffee all rolled into one – its heaven!” They laughed at her serene face, transfixed by the memory. “Well I hope my version lives up to your recollection!” smiled Hat. “So speakin’ of marriage,” said Zoë. “Which we weren’t!” Hat felt obliged to point out. “I can tell you from experience it ain’t all that bad. Has its ups and downs, I grant you, but on the whole it’s pretty choice.” “Might I point out though,” smiled Hat, “that you’re married to Wash. I’m thinking marriage to Malcolm Reynolds might be an altogether more challenging affair!” “You sayin’ Wash ain’t a challenge? – cos let me tell you right here and now, he is – every day’s a gorram challenge – but that’s what so fun!” smiled Zoë, “the arguments, the makin’ up and the knowing that, however mean you are to someone, they’ll always stick around. Plus there’s the whole legally sanctioned ruttin’ thing . . .” “Hey!” said Inara, in hurt tones, “there are other kinds of sex which are legally sanctioned too, you know!” “And we all keep to that one, don’t we?” asked Hat, “no illegal ruttin’ goin’ on here on Serenity, oh no! You noticed how close Kaylee and the Doc are gettin’, have you?” She sighed, “to tell you truly, it ain’t bein’ married to Mal that’s got me worried, after all the man’s pretty *shwai*, it’s the whole getting’ divorced bit I can’t stomach! If our encounter with Saffron runs to form, we’re gonna be in serious trouble!” Zoë smiled, “Yeah, I heard as how you hate Saffron enough to want her dead...” “*Ai ya*! Do I hate her!” Hat grinned ruefully. “I mean, think about it, leaving aside the fact that I generally do tend to dislike folks as have kissed my ‘fiancée’”, she smiled at the word and Inara turned an intriguing shade of pink, recovering herself quickly, “but lets not forget she’s tried to kill him at least once and drawn a gun on him no few times. She gets the drop on us every time! She’s a lyin’ weasel as don’t do no one any good and to cap it all, she’s got incredible natural sex appeal, gets all the men we know hot under the collar. You figure on any reason why she shouldn’t be dropped soon as look at her?” Zoë considered, remembering Wash’s head and the strange look in his eye following his first encounter with Saffron, there was no denying he’d been sorely tempted. “Come to think of, no I ain’t. And there ain’t no reason to put our men folk in the way of a peril they can’t handle. That woman’s a walking temptation. If we’re going lookin’ for Saffron, I think we women should take the matter into our own hands. Reckon we need a plan to deal with her, always supposin’ we find her.” “Perhaps you’re right,” said Inara thoughtfully, “it certainly bears considering.” Hat poured the bubbling fudge onto a try to set. She looked up, “Well, lets us three give it some thought, see if we can’t outwit the double crossin’ little ratfink, this time!”

***

Simon was having a difficult time with River. She hadn’t been this bad in a while, throwing things and swearing. It was tough to get near her to give her the shot. Once he had though, she calmed down.

Kaylee watched from the doorway of the infirmary as the young man sat quietly with his sister. She noticed he was looking terribly tired. The months of caring for his sister were beginning to take their toll. He looked up, saw her and smiled into her eyes.

“Hey!”

“Hey yerself, you ok?”

He rubbed a hand tiredly over his eyes. “Not really. River’s not too good today, as you can see,” he waived a hand at his now prostrate sister. “I’m gonna carry her to her room.”

“I brought you some wine, it’s pretty cheap but I thought you could do with something to relax you…” She waived two mugs in the air so they clinked lightly.

He lifted River up and smiled softly, “thanks.” His eyes wrinkled and his smile was wholehearted. “I’ll tuck River in and then come and have it. Where will you be?”

“I’ll be right here,” said Kaylee gently, ducking into Simon’s room as they passed it, “Right here, waitin’ for you…” Her smile was slightly timid and wholly wistful as he passed her. He looked back at her, suddenly serious, his eyes big and dark.

“Well then,” he said so quietly she almost didn’t hear him, “I’ll know where to find you.”

***

Hat climbed down the ladder into her bunk and shut the door. All she wanted now was to relax and forget the long and eventful day had ever happened. She pulled out her washbasin and scrubbed off the day’s grime and changed into her cosiest flannel pyjamas. The she curled up on her bed, taking up her favourite possession. Just looking at it calmed and composed her. Her mother, might she rest in peace, had bought it for her for a pretty penny many years ago in an antique bookstore back home. It was hard to make out the cover design, which had been removed and repasted onto thick cardboard. If you looked carefully you could make out the title Blanc Mange and the author, Raymond Blanc. It was a cookbook by a once famous French chef from Earth-that-was many centuries ago and Hat treasured it. She loved the glossy pictures of the dishes and the delicate instructions for preparation. No sooner had she turned to the appetisers and started to read the instructions for making sweet pepper mouse that she felt better.

Her relaxation was short lived though, for a few minutes later the door hatch to her bunk flipped open and she could see Mal’s boots descending the stairs. As she watched him enter her room, she couldn’t help but notice he looked slightly wary.

“Hey,” she greeted him non-committally.

“Hey. You’re reading.” He stated flatly, then, “what are you reading?” as his curiosity got the better of him and he walked towards the bed, his head tilted to one side as he read the title of the book she held up. “That again! Don’tcha ever read anything else?”

“When I’ve had a hard day, I find it a comfort.” She said somewhat defensively, “look!” She held up one of the glossy pictures for him to see and he squinted at it.

“*Wei*! Would ya look at that!” He whistled, “are those potatoes? How d’they get the cheese to go like that? That is cheese, ain’t it?” Hat smiled and nodded. “*Wuh de ma*! That looks real shiny. Here, shove up!” Hat scooted across the bed so he could stretch out next to her and look at the pictures. “How come you don’t make nothing like this?” he asked somewhat accusingly whilst kicking off his boots.

“Because I ain’t got the ingredients!” Hat shrugged. “I have to make do with what I got…. In more ways that one!” She eyed him beadily.

“Hey!” He sounded hurt, “you sayin’ bein’ with me is make do and mend?”

Hat smiled at his disgruntled face. “Maybe a little!” She leaned up and kissed the side of his mouth, then went on hurriedly, before he could get really sore, “but really, no! As She-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless once said, so I understand and I may be paraphrasing a little, if I could choose from all the men in world right now, I’d still choose you every single time, Malcolm-I-ain’t-the-sharpest-tack-so-I-don’t-know-when-a-woman-likes-me Reynolds!”

“See that sounds like a compliment but it’s actually more of an insult!” He beamed and pulled her closer.

“What I’m sayin’,” she went on, leaning in to pull off his suspenders and begin to unbutton his shirt, “is sometimes, in any relationship, a little compromise is called for.”

“So you’re wantin’ me to stop with the whole She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named caper?” he asked, raising an annoyed eyebrow. “And yer usin’ yer wiles to get it?”

“Wrong yet again!” Hat positively shone as she moved to unbutton his trousers, looking up at him slyly, “I’m saying as its time for me to compromise a little bit, I’m thinkin’. You want to go find Saffron, its time for me to suck it up and stop with the grouchin’…”

“Huh!” Mal was incredulous. “In that case why don’t we see about gettin’ you into a compromisin’ situation?” he grinned.