Disclaimer: all of this belongs to Joss and the other dudes.

Dedication: I’m only doing this cause, he thought up of this short story. So Thanks Matt who is the Drummer in the Band GWAP, which was formerly known as Second Solution. I could go on but you’ve probably already stopped reading this…

Rebuilding Haven: Space Monkey Pirates and I do the cha cha like a sissy girl.¹

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The morning after the crew arrived on haven, they decided they would check out what was happening on the surface of the planet. The small crew walked out of the elevator room onto the dusty surface of the planet. Mal walked out in front of his crew and turned around to look at them. Seeing his crew functioning at all made him a lot less grumpy than he is after something bad happens to him. Like being captured and tortured by Nisca, or having a fake wife try to steal his ship. But seeing his crew happy and working together almost perfectly made him ecstatic.

He examined the bunch gathered before him. He saw Simon standing tall with his arm around Kaylee’s shoulders and she was holding him around his lower chest. Mal laughed remembering the time when he had asked sarcastically to the closest person what they were up to last night… That closest person happened to be River who just looked at him deadpan and told him.

Jayne was standing at the back of the throng. He kept looking over his shoulder and was holding on to ‘Vera more tightly than normal. Mal would find out about the shotgun totting father after he stowed aboard Serenity. Mal quickly started liking that guy. Jayne on the other hand learnt to lock his door at night.

Inara was looking as beautiful as always and having her around made Mal happy by itself. River just walk/Skipped along getting slightly saner day by day.

Zoë caught his attention. She was smiling, must be thinking about Wash he thought. He did make us laugh. By now River was next to him not looking at Mal she said “She isn’t thinking about him, she’s looking at that” pointing at a large object behind Mal.

When Mal turned round he fell over in shock, at just the sheer size of the statue. Kaylee said “Somethin’ ‘bout this feels familiar.” Simon commented “this isn’t madness, this is …” Jayne cut him off “Shut it doc, just ‘cause I’m a legend on some crumby world and your not” River who was never one to miss out on an argument with Jayne recited one point she had raise a long time ago “At least Simon isn’t a girls name” Fumbling with his pants Jayne rebutted “Well at least I’m game enough to show my man parts in public.” Zoë pulled out her gun and aimed it at Jayne’s Crotch “Desecrate the sanctity of this thing by pulling that thing out and it will be the last time you ever do.” Jayne quickly stopped playing with his pants. Zoë continued not looking at them “You should be glad that yet another member of our crew has become a Bona-fied Hero. “Your right Zoë, it’s a good likeness as well” Mal said “His eye’s seem to follow me where-ever I go” said Kaylee still mocking Jayne.

This torment went on but Mal had already headed back towards the Ship. When he emerged a full ten minutes later they were still standing looking at the statue. The whole interest in the statue finished almost as abruptly as it had started.

Mal was placing some holo-captures at the base of the statue. Kaylee stopped examining the statues likeness of book and asked “Wat’cha doin’ cap’n?” “Putting these up so they can see who Book really was.” Mal said. “But wasn’t the real book a kneecappin’, working out, fed shooter downerer preachin’ machine. Who somehow had knowledge of the criminal world.” “That may be so Jayne, but that is who he is and that’s what people are going to be able to remember him for.” Mal said. “Not just us” “Well seeing we’ve just wasted 15 minutes talking about a statue can we go now?” asked an impatient Jayne who was still checking over his shoulder.

Mal looked at how far the sun had risen and said “Go se, we’re gonna be late for our rendezvous. Where did that psycho pilot go?” Mal held up his hand to shut Simon’s rebuttal just as Serenity flew straight up the shaft behind them.

Rivers voice rang out from the speakers just like Wash’s had done all those moons ago. “That psycho pilot was the only one ready for takeoff at the time you had set captain” The crew quickly ran onboard. Serenity thanks to its mind reading pilot was already quickly rising by the time the door had shut completely.

* * *

It was a milk run as far as the crew of Serenity was concerned. Picking up the cargo dropped 20 minutes earlier by another spaceship. The early spaceship would leave a crew of four behind to protect the cargo from potential thieves and they would be there to collect payment for the goods. To be honest the crew of Serenity hadn’t had a blue milk run ever since that time when Nisca abducted Mal and Wash. They could use a simple run like this, especially how his first mate no longer could go out on duty with Mal, being 4 months pregnant and all. And even though Simon says 50% of all miscarriages happen in the first 3 months of pregnancy the last 6 months are harder on the mother as she has a lot of extra weight added to her.

They picked up the signal of the drop-off ship in deep space. River calculated the top speed of a bluebird type cargo hauler, measured the distance between them and the planet without any instruments, did the math and stated “They could be on top of us in 10 minutes if they start a hard burn towards us.” Mal said “they are sitting at the max range of their shuttle, that’s standard practice.” “Wait, there is another one there.” She said pointing out towards the blackness of space. “Not Reavers, but something else.”

Zoë who had entered the ship’s cockpit took the helm at the co-pilots station said “What ever they are they are coming in pretty fast. How long do you think they will take to reach the Moon River?” River answered “At its current speed 15 minutes and it would reach that satellight².” ”That is long enough for us to get in and out” Mal said.

Serenity Landed and no sooner was the ramp down the mule was rushing out of the cargo bay and onto the landing pad where the machinery had been left. Luckily for them the cargo was already on hover lifters and they just needed to be put into the cargo bay and left there. Mal was paying the men for the machinery they had just received when River’s voice said over the loud speaker “Mal I didn’t calculate the extra speed that the ship would receive after getting ‘slung’ from the planet’s orbit. That means they cut 4 minutes off their time. And you’ve been out there 9 minutes.” “Wu de ma” Mal said. “You better hard burn it outta here we got ourselves some Pirates”

10 minutes had passed when serenity left the atmosphere of the moon. Mal ran straight for the cockpit. River was doing sums in her head about the extra boost of speed that the ship would get when it flung from the orbit of the moon. Simon was slightly slower and using a pad and pen was working on ways with Zoë’s help about ways to increase the ship’s speed. Mal picked up a plastic dinosaur and started talking to it. “Wash I know part of you is probably in there, so here it is: we’re being chased by pirates who are going faster than us and obviously want this cargo more than we do. What do we do?”

River who had finished calculating said “Even though it is improbable that a person remains inside their most precious belongings, I hate to tell you: a toy dinosaur can’t take over the controls. Oh and they will be within firing range (she looked up at the ships chronometer) well now. Mal looked at the screen showing the ship in pursuit of them he looked at the name of the ship ‘Kormoran’. Examining the ship he didn’t see any torpedo ports so that made him feel a little bit better. Simon also noticed the name, and being a bit more schooled than Malcolm he recognized the meaningfulness of the name and said “oh no”.

As if on queue the on the Kormoran panels opened revealing torpedo tubes and one missile shot out and streaked past the port engine and exploded, causing the ship to rock. Then a face appeared on the screen “YARRRRRR. You’ll be handing over all that booty or we’ll blow you to smithereens” River took the opportunity “Over my dead body” “That can be arranged you scurvy dogs. Open Fire YARRRRRR!”

A hail of missiles streaked out of the pursuing ship and only thanks to the expert piloting of a psychopath avoided all the blasts. Zoë commented “I don’t think even Wash could of done that” Mal ignoring Zoë’s growing admiration for River and commanded “Take her into the atmosphere they might be a bit more hesitant to blow us up once we’re in. (Picking up the intercom) Jayne, Inara get to the engine room and help Kaylee out now.”

Serenity entered the atmosphere to find that it was an extremely clear day. The pirate leader came back on screen. “YARRRRR you can’t hide, so you gotta run don’t you landluver”

Simon started going through a list of maneuvers that they could try “Crazy Ivan?” “City is too close” “Bottleneck?” “Need more cloud cover” “Surrender?” Mal just looked at him then he looked at Zoë then finally he turned to River “put her down over there.” He said pointing to a plateau.

Serenity landed in the plateau and the Kormoran landed about 50 meters away from her. The pirates emerged from their ship, and the crew emerged from Serenity now fully armed. Inara, Zoë and Kayle stood back while Simon, Mal, River and Jayne stood slightly in front of them.

“We’re gonna be releavin’ you of that cargo of yours scum. Then we gonna be doin’ some raping and pillaging” the captain of the pirates said. Jayne whispered in Malcolm’s Ear “you think that’s a real parrot he has on his shoulder?” Mal whispered back “More concerning though is, Is that a real wooden leg?” “Lets find out then shall we.” Said Jayne in reply as he shot the first mate in the leg which shattered making the first mate loose balance and fall over. Two grenade like objects landed in the middle of the two opposing groups. Jayne and Simon ducked for cover. Mal and River didn’t though because they knew they were ‘warblers’ which affected the magnetic balancing in small projected objects like bullets and made them fly off course.

Mal holstered his gun and got ready to fight. Jayne drew his latest aquired close combat weapon ‘Crow’s Blade’. Zoë relieved Inara of her crossbow weapon which wouldn’t be affected as Inara ran back inside. Simon also holstered his gun and got ready for a fist fight. River on the other hand already had her two most precious possessions in her hands so she was ready for a melee fight. Kaylee started to move back inside (she was a terrible shot, she had even less chance of beating an opponent in hand to hand combat.)

The Pirates all drew their long shining steel blades, and started to advance on the crew of Serenity they all started to move backwards into the hull of Serenity. They all took the best positions that they could get, Zoë moved up onto the second level and took aim at the advancing Pirates. Inara and Kaylee made dramatic entrances down the staircase from Inara’s shuttle both holding two blades in their hands. Inara tossed one to Mal. With expert skill on Inara’s part the blade spun on an invisible axis and Mal caught the handle and then he did a little flourish with the sword. “Been practicing have we Mal?” Inara asked. “Yes, I knew I never should have gotten involved in your world Inara, I got stabbed last time I wonder what will happen to me this time.” Kaylee ran up to Simon and handed him a blade. Then she kissed him not to hard or passionately, not to long, just long enough to say “I love you.”

The Pirates entered the ship the captain carrying two blades thanks to his already wounded first mate. Zoë shot the man on his right, he fell dead. Then the battle started.

River who had run op to the other ledge across from Zoë jumped into the thick of the group. Expertly dodging every swipe at her she felled one, then two more before the first hit the ground. She continued to fight killing man after man after man until a gun was pointed at her face point blank. Even though the warbler was still working it doesn’t affect the bullet straight away she just stood still looking at him trying to find the spot in his brain where she could just make him drop dead… but he was like a Reaver and she couldn’t find the spot. But she didn’t need to because Zoë shot him in the head. River looked at Zoë who just looked back with eyes that said “I needed to reload”

Zoë was killing pirates left, right and center literally until she ran out of bolts then she kind of just sat there and watched the rest of the fight unfold.

Mal initiated in one on one combat with the leader of the pirates. The Pirate being a much more skilled sword fighter had the edge on Mal who was more practiced than he was when he fought Atherton, but that’s about it. The pirate leader still had the advantage so Mal just blocked or dodged all the blows he could.

Inara charged with Kaylee and Simon behind her into the throng of pirates around River who had realized that Zoë was out of ammunition. So they were trying to shoot River at point blank range.

Inara even though she didn’t look like she had it in her to kill a person, she slew him with a quick slice across the neck. One man attacked Kaylee and she just held up her blade in a dismal defense. It worked the pirate even though not afraid of Kaylee charged at her anticipating Kaylee to block his high attack. The man fell backwards and landed with a thump.

Jayne just stepped over the body and said “C’mon doc lil’ Kaylee here has killed as many men as you have now” before running off to kill another crazy pirate. “Well in my line of work you’re not supposed to be killing people” Simon retorted to no-one.

This time when another came at Kaylee she screamed and stepped back, closing her eyes she waited for the final blow to come. But it never did she opened her eyes to see Simon holding the blade back with his left hand. Blood dripping from it. And with surgical precision he lifted his blade and sliced the pirate’s throat the man fell over and died gagging for air.

And then there were two people left fighting, Mal and the Pirate captain. The Captain having two blades and a more aggressive fighting style was attacking. Mal defended himself valiantly but he was just not good enough. So Mal received another stab wound on the right of his torso. He fell to the ground and Inara took his place, she was flanked by Simon and Kaylee (who was somewhat angry at her captain being injured). River and Jayne just started to drag the dead pirate bodies out of the ship.

Inara now also armed with Mal’s discarded weapon attacked the pirate captain with ferocity rivaled by no-one else on the ship. She pushed the Pirate captain out of the ship and out into the open before she chopped of his head with a big swing, kind of like the only type Mal once knew.

* * *

Serenity flew through the black with River at the Helm they were in perfectly good hands. Jayne was fast asleep in his bunk.

Mal and Inara were anything but Inara was mending the wound in her own special way. “Don’t you remember that I lost all feeling in that spot” Mal said as Inara was tenderly kissing it. “Well that just won’t do, you have to be able to feel it” she said as she pushed him down onto his back then kissed him on the mouth.

Simon and Kaylee were also alone in a locked room. The only problem was that the infirmary had windows. Luckily for them they only had one viewer, and they didn’t know he was there

Zoë sat with River in the cockpit; River flew in the co-pilot’s chair and let Zoë reminisce. She remembered having Wash around, feeling his warm body next to her, having his quirky remarks in every conversation and most of all his skills as a pilot. She lay back in the chair and fondled the toy dinosaur remembering her husband and for the first time since Wash died she didn’t cry herself to sleep.

The end (that took longer than I expected it to)

Translations:

Go se – crap Wu de ma – mother of god

¹ The name has very little to no actual reference to the actual story. It was one of those spur of the moment things. Well there are space monkeys and there are pirates, just not space monkey pirates. P.S. I actually don’t do the cha cha like a sissy girl, I think (I’ll go ask someone…)

² Satellite is a more scientific term for moon

P.S. Go Se I knew I had forgotten something, I’ll put the space monkeys in the next one, I promise