DISCLAIMER: Don't own it, never did, just having fun playing.

A/N: A huge thanks to kispexi2 for betaing this, my first multi-chapter effort! Wouldn't want to do it without you!

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Chapter 1 Adult Only!, Chapter 2 PG13, Chapter 3 PG13, Chapter 4 Adult Only!, Chapter 4A PG13, Chapter 5 PG13, Chapter 6 PG13, Chapter 7 PG13, Chapter 8 PG13, Chapter 9 PG13

Chapter 10 Zoë and Mal have a conversation, Wash is there, too.

Mal and Jayne had finished storing the cargo, and Mal was on his way to the bridge to check their flight plan with Wash. He could hear Zoë's voice on the bridge, and then Wash's laughter. He closed his eyes briefly, and hoped to hell they weren't laughing about what he thought they might be. Time to be a grumpy old man… "Hey! What's all this laughter? Don't you know I don't allow no laughin' on my bridge! You got a reason to be here, Zo? If not, I suggest you leave so's I can discuss this job with my pilot."

Zoë just gave him one of her "I can kill you with my pinkie" looks, and stood her ground.

Mal decided to ignore her. "So, Wash, how we look?" he asked as he took a seat in the co-pilot's chair.

"We broke atmo 'bout half hour back. Should be at Beaumonde this time tomorrow."

"Good. Let me know when we're close enough I can wave our client. Goods look legit, but I don't want 'em on this boat any longer than necessary."

"Sure thing, Cap."

Mal sat and looked out at the black, contemplating. He didn't come up here as often as he used to, just to sit and look. Since the nightmares had ceased, he didn't wander during ship's night like before. Guess I have Simon to thank for that. Don't miss the nightmares, but do sometimes miss just looking at the black. Wonder if Zoë or Wash come up here when the kids keep 'em up?

Wash looked up at Zoë, a question in his eyes. Zoë met his eyes with a "don't know" look, and shrugged.

"Zoë?"

"Sir."

"Hear you had a conversation with Doc."

"I did, Sir."

"Suppose it's too much to hope you kept it to yourself?"

"It is, Sir. Only told one person though, and he ain't likely to share."

"What? Me? No, absolutely not," Wash babbled before Zoë shot him a look.

Mal turned to look at them both. "How do you do it?"

"Sir?"

"Captain?"

"How do you resign…allow…decide…whatever…yourselves to bring a child into the life we lead? Now, I'm not criticizin', mind you," he said as he held up his hands as if to ward off any incoming blows. "Did more 'n enough of that 'bout five years ago. I'm just wonderin'."

He looked at Zoë holding Becca. He didn't realize it, but there was a look of such desperate longing on his face, that Zoë just had to step forward and ask, "Would you like to hold her, Mal?"

"Can I?" he asked. Zoë put her daughter gently into Mal's arms, and leaned back on the console. He looked up at her in amazement. "She's so tiny! I don't remember Eddie bein' this small. Was he?"

"He was," smiled Wash. "Course, he wasn't for very long. And neither will she be. Kind of scary while it lasts, though, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I feel like she could just slip right out of my hands without me even realizin' it."

"Best not let that happen, Sir."

"Eh, what? Oh, no, of course not, Zo. So how do you do it? How do you have a child, knowing how dangerous our life is? Knowing that someday Zoë might get hurt too bad for Simon to fix? Knowing that you'll never be able to provide her with everything she should have? Knowing that…"

"Mal," Zoë leaned over and put a hand on his shoulder, "stop. How do we do it? Well, I can't answer for Wash, but for myself…I just put all the bad stuff to the back of my mind. I figure it's more important to try for some happiness. I once told Wash that I wasn't so afraid of losin' somethin' that I wouldn't try havin' it. That's pretty much the way I still feel."

Mal looked over to Wash, who confirmed Zoë's statement. "She did say that, Mal. Course, it took another four years for her to convince me." He gave Zoë a quick grin. Suddenly serious, he said, "Don't let that happen with you and Simon, Mal. If the two of you really want a child, don't wait. Yes, it's scary, but at the end of the day, it's worth every minute. Don't wait."

Mal looked at them both with gratitude. "You're right, of course. Thank you, both." He stood up to leave as he asked, "Don't suppose either of you knows where Simon is?"

"Well, might be in your bunk, Sir. Might be tryin' to talk himself out o' this idea."

"Oh, and why's that, Zoë?"

"Seems someone pointed out to him that he'd probably be the one doin' most of the caregivin'. He hadn't thought of that yet. Sorry, Sir."

"You couldn't have waited a day or two, Zo?" Mal groaned. "Never mind. I'd best go talk with him." And Mal started to leave the bridge.

"Sir? Think I could have my daughter back?"

Mal glanced down at the bundle in his arms, and then back up at Zoë. "Actually, mind if I borrow her for a bit?" He turned to walk away again.

Zoë called out after him, "Not at all. I did tell Simon he should start practicin'."

Mal just walked away from the laughter on his bridge.

Chapter 11