Thanks to Leiasky for her invaluable input and support at just about every turn. This story is probably about ten chapters and then will lead itself to a sequel.

The characters aren't mine. They belong to the beautifully twisted mind of Joss Whedon.

Don't forget to leave feedback - it makes the 'verse go round.

***

River placed one bare foot in front of the other, carefully balancing her weight straight down her middle. She had walked this tightrope before, learned to find the perfect mixture of black and white to make the ideal shade of gray. It was nothing new to her.

Her arms were extended to her sides as she walked along the catwalk’s railing. They waved a bit from side to side as she took each step, re-centering her balance. As she walked to the end of the bar, she knew she should jump down to the walkway just a few feet below. But she didn’t want to; she wanted to fly.

Closing her eyes against the harsh lights in the cargo bay, River lifted her chin and stretched onto her tip toes. Her calf muscles tensed at the movement as her entire frame was supported on the ten little pads of her feet. She felt her body tense as it again tried to compensate for the change in her movements, tried to adjust to keep her balanced. Releasing a huge sigh, River jumped down to the walkway and felt the lightness of floating for a split second before her feet again touched metal.

Opening her eyes, she surveyed the empty cavernous room as the adrenaline rushed from her body, her muscles again relaxing. Physically, it might be impossible for River to take wing, but she could fly Serenity, and that ability would have to satisfy her need for more – for now.

Turning towards the bridge, River padded up through the empty ship. Everyone was asleep – well, almost everyone. River grimaced slightly as she felt Simon and Kaylee’s passion play taking place in her brother’s bunk. Ever since Miranda, River’s ability as a reader had grown tenfold and while it was sometimes useful in blackmailing Simon, she didn’t need to know where and how he was going to pleasure his girlfriend.

Shaking off the disturbing thoughts and even more unsettling images, River took a deep breath and stopped in the middle of the dining area. Closing her eyes, she saw the bricks lying in piles around her brain. In her mind’s eye they were small, but solid rectangle shapes, waiting to take form. Slowly, and with effort, River envisioned them falling into place, building a wall around her mind, shielding her from unwanted thoughts and images. As the last brick rose and settled into place, River breathed out, Simon’s lustful thoughts and Kaylee’s excitement vanishing from her mind. That was better.

Resuming her path to the bridge, she passed the quiet bunks of Jayne, Zoe and the captain. With her barriers in place, she could not tell if they were awake or asleep, but if patterns were to be trusted, she could extrapolate a pretty safe hypothesis: the men were out, Zoe was awake.

Well, more accurately, she was in between. She liked to lie in that interim place where sleep and awake shared residence. She could see him there, talk to him. River’s expression grew pained for a moment as Wash’s face came dancing by. Yes, Zoe liked the in between because in between he was still there.

Blinking back a few stray tears, River settled herself into the pilot’s seat, pulling her knees into her chest and rested her cheek on them. Turning her big, brown eyes up through the ship’s canopy, River studied the stars far into the night, wondering on which planet they would end up next. Wondering on which planet she might again be forced to fight. Wondering on which planet she would again become a killer.

Shivering at the thought, River made sure to fortify her own protective walls as she studied the stars.

***

“She is still a danger to us.”

His partner fixed him with a knowing glare and it angered him. No emotion played across his features though, as he elaborated, “We need to eliminate her, now.”

“All in due time,” the other man said, crossing the room. Reaching out a blue-gloved hand, he typed a quick code into the screen and the image abruptly took form as the arrest warrants for River and Simon Tam. “First, we need to spend a little more time understanding our objective.”

This time, it was his turn to glare. “Understanding? The girl is mentally unstable and her brother is maniacal. Understanding them will only lead us further into madness. Stopping River Tam is the only way to ensure our survival.”

Sighing heavily, the first true emotion either man had shown, the second agent turned to his comrade and said, “If you think that killing River Tam will be that easy, you have obviously not been present the past year. She is dangerous, but where there is danger, there is fear, and where there is fear, there is weakness.” Turning back to the screen, the second agent again adjusted the image. Immediately River’s warrant vanished, replaced by a larger one of her brother.

“Exploit the weakness,” he continued. “And you mollify the danger.”

***

“Mal, my decision is final.”

“Yeah, that’s what you said last time.” He regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth. The pained expression in her eyes only made it worse.

“Please try and respect my choice,” she told him, continuing her hurried movements to pack her things.

It had only been two months since Miranda. Two months since Book and Wash … two months since they’d managed to take down one of the Alliance’s most-fearsome Operatives. And none of it meant a gorram thing if Inara walked off his boat one more time.

“Inara, please don’t do this.” He stepped into her path, forcing the young woman to meet his intense gaze.

“But I have to,” she whispered, resting a soft hand against his cheek. “Because you never asked me to stay.”

Mal awoke abruptly, sweat on his brow and a dryness in his mouth. Ai ya, not again. Rubbing a hand over his face, Mal tried to let the tension the dream had caused fade away so he could roll over and mercifully fall asleep again, but after thirty minutes of tossing and turning, he realized he was up for the night. Well, that’s all right, he thought wryly, three hours sleep is more than enough.

Propping himself up in his narrow bunk, Mal grimaced at the pain in his side. The gut wound the Operative had graced him with was slow to heal and after four months of limping and moaning, Mal was ready for it to be done hurting. Reaching over to the table near his bed, Mal took two more of the pain pills the doc had given him and popped them down his throat. Maybe they could help him sleep too.

But he knew they couldn’t. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Miranda; well, unless one were to count the drug-induced sleepiness of his stay at the infirmary. No, it was true; not one solid night’s rest since they had found that gorram recording and everything had quickly spiraled out of control.

Wash and Book … and now Inara were gone. At least Inara he could still get back; if he tried. Well, maybe not tried, more like begged. He hadn’t wanted her to leave, not again. But she had insisted, and Mal had learned long ago what happened to anyone who stood between Inara and what she wanted. He was angry at himself for being such a coward, for not pushing the issue. But he had seen something in her eyes that day; a sadness he had never seen before. Not when Kaylee was shot or when Nandi died, not once before had he ever seen … What was it? What was the emotion she had shared with him that day that he couldn’t shake from his head?

Despair.

Mal had realized pretty quickly after Miranda that Inara was not the woman he thought he knew. The way she had wielded that bow and arrow, with such skill and precision, shattered any preconceptions he’d been harboring. But she was still a gorgeous woman that Mal resisted with every fiber of his being. To be with Inara would be sheer happiness and that was something Mal could not afford.

Happiness would breed content which would breed sloppiness. He had too many people relying on his alertness to be letting a woman like Inara muck up the works. At least, that’s what he told himself. Never mind the fact that his crew had saved his sorry pigu more times than he could count. It was just another lie Mal told himself to keep the truth from entering in.

Of course, it was a two-way street and Inara had made no intention of meeting him halfway. But Mal had a sinking suspicion there were a lot of reasons for her hesitation – some having to do with him and a whole boatload having to do with everything and everybody else.

Sighing heavily again, his head started to swim and Mal realized the drugs had worked their magic. It was only moments before he slumped back into a restful sleep and this time, thankfully, there were no dreams.

***

River was ensconced in shadows. Dark pools of black played around her, the only sound her ragged breathing as her fear made her heart beat faster. Her eyes, wide and alert darted in every direction, trying to see through the blackness so she could anticipate the next attack.

With a rapidity she hadn’t been expecting, she was surrounded, twisted and grotesque faces and mangled bodies swarming her small frame. Sais in both hands she set to work, slashing and thrusting the sharp blades into flesh. She felt no pain, no remorse, no fear as she settled into her attack pattern. This was what she had been created to do – kill with reckless abandon. And she had learned her lessons well.

In an instant, it was over and River again stood motionless amid the corpses of Reavers whose lives she had ended. Looking up through a curtain of sweat-soaked hair, she saw her brother. Her heart leapt at the sight of him, but as he approached her, she recognized the pained expression on his face. She saw the fear in his eyes and she knew she repulsed him; that her actions had changed his impression of her forever.

“Mei mei,” he whispered when he was only a hands-breadth away. “What have you done?” Glancing down to the pile of bodies, she recognized the faces now: Kaylee, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Book and the Captain. They were bleeding, their eyes frozen open in terror and pain. Dropping the sharp weapons from her hands, River covered her face to block out the images. When she pulled her hands away to plead with Simon for forgiveness, her vision was full of red. Her hands were covered in the sticky substance of the blood of her family.

“Simon,” she whispered. He seemed not to hear her, as he leaned down and scooped up Kaylee’s dead form. “Simon!” She screamed it this time as he walked away from her, leaving her among the dead.

“Simon!”

With a start, River awoke on the bridge. How could she have been so careless to fall asleep? Wiping away her tears, she tried to shake the dream’s images from her brain. It was nothing new. It was the same dream she had been having every night since Miranda. And every time Simon walked away from her, leaving her alone to deal with the consequences of her murderous actions.

It chilled her to her very core to know that she could act in some fashion that would push Simon away. Her brother was all she had. She had been glad for him, since Miranda that he and Kaylee were together. And so glad that her own craziness had seemed to dissipate. It was hard for her, to keep out the insanity, but she tried, very hard, so that he and Kaylee could be happy and worry free.

She didn’t let on that it was slowly exhausting her, that she couldn’t sleep without dreaming, that she could barely eat, that she could barely think without hearing the voices and thoughts of the crew. Or that she still had random flashes of memories that were not her own; dark, scary memories that she didn’t want and oftentimes scared her. Or that many of her dreams, waking or sleeping, involved the blue-handed men who were so intent to end her life. She could feel them, on the periphery, waiting for the right moment to strike. She knew their job was not done, and would never be done until River was dead. And that meant she would never be safe.

But her own safety was of little importance. Serenity and its crew were all that mattered to her now. So she would manage through anything if it meant keeping them safe. She would continue to push her anxieties and exhaustions away so that she could be the River they all expected. Her own life didn’t mean anything without these people in it. And River was smart, brilliant actually, and that meant that hiding things was as easy for her as breathing.

They would never know.

***

“We need a job, sir.”

Mal glanced to his first mate and fixed her with a glare that held no real menace. “My empty gut and my empty pockets are painfully aware of that Zoe,” he told her, sipping down the rest of his lukewarm coffee. “But seeing as the Operative managed to kill or scare most of our contacts, where do you propose we find said job?”

“Badger.”

She said it so matter-of-factly, Mal was certain she was joking. Turning a disbelieving gaze on her, he had to work his mouth a few times before the words actually came out. “Badger? What – Are you crazy? You’ve been hanging out with River too long.”

The eyes that gazed back at him were ones Mal would have recognized anywhere. But they were empty now and he saw none of the light he had once delighted in. They were hollow and that bothered him more than he’d ever admit – especially to Zoe.

“Sir, we need work, we need money, we need supplies and we need food. Badger’s one of our only contacts who wasn’t bothered by the Operative and God knows he’s got the connections to get us something.” Zoe held his gaze a minute more, before sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest in a posture of defiance. “The little man may be a weasel, but right now, he’s a very useful weasel.”

Mal smirked at the thought; weasel indeed. But Zoe was right. They had managed to stay afloat for four months now, relying on the generosity and food stores that the Operative and his men had set them up with while they’d repaired the ship. But the infirmary was again running low on meds, the kitchen was abysmally under stocked and Jayne had begun grumbling about ten percent of nothing.

Plus, they needed a job for more than the coin – they needed the distraction, all of them did. Sighing in defeat, Mal didn’t meet her hard stare as he said, “Send him a wave. I’ll tell River to head for Persephone.”

Without another word, the woman left the room. Mal thought about going after her, asking her again if she wanted to talk, but he knew better. She’d been patient with him up until now, but he’d gotten the distinct impression last time he’d asked that she just as soon kill him as answer him one more time.

Damn stubborn woman, he thought, rising to take his cup to the sink. Why did all the women in his life have to be so ruttin’ independent? Made his life all kinds of uncomfortable.

***

“Hey there, lil’ albatross.” Mal greeted River as he stepped onto the bridge, dropping a light kiss on the top of her head, before taking his seat in the co-pilot’s station. “How’s she flyin’?”

“Fine. A little weak, but she’ll make it through.”

Mal turned to study the girl, who had not lifted her eyes from the console since he’d walked in. Trying to determine whether or not she was talking about the ship or herself, Mal asked again, “What’s that now?”

Shaking her head for a moment, her eyes seemed to clear, and when River finally turned to look at him, a small smile had made its way onto her face. Relaxing visibly, Mal sat back as she answered, “Nothing. Ship’s running smooth, cap’n. How’re you feeling?”

“Not bad, little one, not bad,” Mal lied, trying to hide the grimace of pain his side was again causing. “Listen, we might have work. I need you to lay in a course for Persephone.”

River’s hands immediately froze over the controls, her whole body going rigid at the name of the planet. “Why,” she whispered, not bothering to look at him.

Puzzled, Mal said, “I told you, we might have work. Zoe’s waving Badger.”

River didn’t move for several moments, and Mal waited in anticipation. Something wasn’t right. The girl had been doing better since Miranda, they all had agreed on that, but this behavior was more of the old, crazy River and it unsettled Mal to see her so spooked. “You all right?”

Again turning her round, saucer-shaped eyes on him, she said succinctly, “It’s not safe.”

Mal grinned and said, “No, I imagine it’s not, it is Badger after all. But we got little choice at the moment and we need some coin.” Studying her more intently, Mal said, “I don’t want to have to give you a direct order, but I will.”

River held his gaze a moment longer and then, without even glancing to the controls, worked the dials and switches in one continuous and assured move. “Done.” With that she rose and strode off the bridge, leaving a very confused and somewhat baffled captain in her wake.

***

“Kaylee? Kaylee, are you in here?”

Simon stuck his head into the engine room, wondering where his beautiful girl had gone to. Not hearing an answer, Simon stepped inside the warm room, and circled the engine. He stopped abruptly and felt a truly ridiculous grin spread across his face as he saw her brightly colored toes sticking out from under the engine. Leave it to Kaylee to be fiddling with something.

Clearing his throat loudly, he called again, “Kaylee?”

Sliding out from under the large piece of equipment, Kaylee fixed him with a bright smile, her grease stained cheeks forming into round circles at the gesture. His heart skipped a beat as he lowered a hand to help her up. She took it and he hauled her to her feet, pulling a bit harder than necessary so she would have to steady herself against him.

“Why doctor Tam,” she teased him as her breath tickled his cheek. “I do believe your intentions are not entirely honorable.”

He chuckled lightly as he pulled both his arms around her and kissed her passionately. She melted into him at the touch, her own hands working their way over his strong back and up into his hair.

Pulling away and breathing a bit heavily, they both stared at each other a moment, their foreheads touching. “Maybe we should continue this someplace more private,” he whispered, placing a few gentle kisses along her cheek, until he reached her ear and started to nibble ever so slightly.

It always made her weak, which of course he knew. Sighing into him more heavily, Kaylee let a small moan escape her mouth as she whispered back, “Most definitely.”

They were turning to leave the room, their anxious hands all over each other as River entered. If she was embarrassed to catch her brother and Kaylee in such an intimate moment, it didn’t show. Seeing her as she blocked the entrance to the room, Simon immediately became more alert. Keeping his arms around Kaylee’s waist he turned to his sister, his patented concerned expression all over his features. “River, did you need something?”

River looked between the two of them and knew that now wasn’t the time. Fixing them with a small smile and a knowing gaze, she said, “You need something more. I’ll talk with you later.”

His cheeks flushed as he picked up on her meaning, watching her exit the room. Giggling uncontrollably, Kaylee said, “Well, the girl has a point.”

“Oh, you are in for it,” he told her playfully, tickling her sides incessantly and getting even more breathless laughter from the girl in return. Simon didn’t know how they made it to his bunk without getting caught in the middle of another compromising position, but he didn’t care, as they sank to the bed. Kaylee’s kisses and movements and body filled his senses, threatening at any given moment to overload him and Simon was only too happy to let them.

***

“They’ve made contact.” Holding his face in a calm mask of blankness, the blue-handed agent turned in his chair to take in his disbelieving partner. “I told you their captain would connect the dots sooner or later.”

Still unable to believe it, but trying desperately to regain his composure the other man said, “Fine, but how do you know they’ll take the job? It is dangerous, even for them.”

“True, but they need the money.” Swiveling back to work through some additional contingency plans, he added, “And if they do refuse, there are other ways we can get them where we want them.”

***

River found Mal alone on the bridge. She walked in unnoticed, her bare feet making no noise against the metal decking. He was deep in thought, she had been able to tell that from halfway across the ship. She tried not to look, but the captain, like almost everyone on board – everyone except Jayne – broadcasted their thoughts and emotions so strongly, it was draining to even attempt to avoid them. The mental barriers she built would only hold for so many hours at a time, so there were points during the day when she was completely open, and those times, like now, were more trying than any other.

He was thinking of Inara again, and River was sad for him, for both of them. She didn’t understand why two adults, two people with more than their fair share of free will could be so stubborn and unrelenting. And they think I’m a child, she thought grimly, marveling at the unfairness of it all.

Doing her best to stay focused on her reason for disrupting him, River sat down gingerly on the floor next to the co-pilot’s seat he occupied and laid her head against his knee. She often sat with him in silence; it was a sort of ritual the two of them had developed. She knew that having some one close by soothed his mind for a while and that meant it soothed hers as well. She could use a little peace right now.

“Well there, lil’ albatross.” His voice was rough with emotion even he didn’t know he’d been harboring. “What’s the word?”

“Obstinate,” she said evenly.

That got his attention. Not moving, he shifted his gaze to look down at the top of her head. “What’s that now?”

“Obstinate,” she repeated, smiling even though he couldn’t see it. “It’s a word.”

Mal suppressed a chuckle as he sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face, all his previous musings forgotten in the face of her silliness. “Simon’s right, you can be quite the brat.”

“It’s my job,” she told him, the small sliver of happiness that radiated off of him warming her heart. It was different with Mal than with anyone else. Mal cared for her and for all of them like a father, but he cared for River most all. She had become his mission, his way to atone for all the wrongs he thought he had committed. She was his salvation and that earned her a special place in his heart. And it would mean he would be even more upset in the coming months when everyone learned how much she’d been suffering.

River had seen the day coming, had been envisioning it for quite some time. As much as she wanted to deny that it was on the way, she knew, even if her body didn’t, that her mental and physical capacity would hit a breaking point that she’d be unable to counter. When that day came and everyone saw it, Simon would be angry and scared, Kaylee would be worried and Mal would be hurt; hurt that she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him what was happening. She wished she knew of a way to convince him otherwise, but the man was stubborn. Men, she thought tiredly, her brother’s image springing to mind as well. They take so much looking after.

“Did you need something, darlin’,” he asked, placing a gentle hand on the top of her head.

A slight nod was the only answer he got for a few moments. Just when he was about to ask her again, River shifted next to him and turned big, brown eyes on him. Those eyes that held the sadness of a girl three times her age; those eyes that reminded Mal there was true evil in the ‘verse, evil that could cause someone like River that much hurt. “We can’t go to Persephone.”

Mal wanted to dismiss her out of hand; he had every mind to, he was the ruttin’ captain after all. But something in those eyes made the automatic response die on his lips.

Leaning down, he took the girl gently by the shoulders and fixed a strong gaze on her. “River, do you know somethin’? Cause if’n you do, you need to tell me.”

River bit her lip nervously, afraid to tell the captain all she knew. She hadn’t been that crazy, spooky girl since Miranda, not to the crew. She didn’t want the normalcy with which they had been treating her to go away, not when she’d been working so hard to maintain it.

“It’s not safe,” she told him simply, willing the images of death and the sounds of gunfire in her head to go away.

“You said that before. I need more than that darlin’. The money on this job is too good to pass up just because you’ve got an uneasiness.” Mal studied her more intently, wondering if he really should be discounting her intuition. Probably not one of the smartest things to do seeing as how her intuitiveness had saved them from two Reaver attacks and a boatload of other troubles since she’d been on board; still ….

“Look, lil’ one, nothing with Badger is ever safe.” Mal released his hold on her, and stood slowly, ignoring the pain in his side at the movement. River rose as well, and stood before him, her eyes still full of sadness. “And since Miranda, we’ve got more enemies than even your brother can count. We gotta take a chance sometime and now seems as good a time as any. Dong ma?”

River nodded once and watched him leave, unbidden tears springing to her eyes. If she couldn’t convince him to turn around, then she’d just have to safe his life – again.