BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE

FRELLINGBLONDE

Motivation Series 24: Hurt
Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A brief, rather angsty songfic inspired by Johnny Cash's "Hurt." Simon doubts himself, Kaylee reassures him. Next fic in my series, probably not even PG-13. Contains a bit of subtle foreshadowing for upcoming stories...


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3442    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Author's note: It's been a bad couple of days for me in real life. I had some angst to work out, and this is one of the results.

_______________________

It was just a minor cut. He reassured Kaylee of that, but she still insisted on helping. She pulled him over to the sink and shoved his finger under the water, while reaching into the cupboard above the sink for the first aid kit he kept there.

I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real

The cut on his finger stung like hell when the water hit it. He stared at it, watching blood seep out where the knife had slipped and caught his skin as he'd helped Kaylee prepare dinner. Ribbons of red mixed with the water as she rinsed the cut, then turned off the water. He kept focusing on it, silent as she pulled his hand out of the spray from the faucet and dried it with a clean dish rag.

The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting Try to kill it all away But I remember everything

His focus changed to Kaylee, watching her prepare a small weave, just like he'd showed her. After covering the cut, she pressed her lips to it, and he managed a small smile. The pain was fading, and he almost regretted it. It had been a long time since he'd felt pain. Kaylee was grinning at him, and he felt love wash over him, tainted with guilt.

What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away In the end And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt

Nothing she said or did could really make him believe he deserved her. He loved her deeply, but that wasn't enough to make him worthy of her in his own eyes. He'd loved others before her, in different ways, and failed every one of them.

I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair

Their faces passed through his mind. His parents, his friends. He'd disappointed all of them when he disappeared with River. No matter how many times he reminded himself that he'd done the right thing for her, it didn't erase the fact that there were people he had left behind, questions he hadn't answered.

Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear You are someone else I am still right here

One face in particular stood out for a moment. Not as beautiful as Kaylee, but quite lovely in her own right. She'd loved him, and he had betrayed her. True, she had betrayed him, maybe even worse. But if he thought about it, he could even find ways to blame himself for her betrayal, and for what it had cost her. He had been preoccupied, ignored her when she needed him desperately.

What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away In the end And you could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt

And after all that he had done, everything he'd sacrificed, everyone he'd let down, what had he done for River? All the time he'd spent, hurting Kaylee by ignoring her, trying to find a cure for his sister. And in the end, she was better. Not completely healed and normal, and she probably never would be. But she was better, no thanks to him.

"Simon?" Guiltily, he realized Kaylee had been trying to get his attention. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He lied, hating himself for it.

If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way

"Don't do that." She said sharply. "Don't even think about tellin' me nothing's wrong when I can see something is."

Simon looked down. "I'm sorry, baobei."

Kaylee wrapped her arms around him. "Don't apologize, neither. It's okay, sweetie. You can tell me what's bothering you. Ain't a thing you can say that's gonna make me love you less."

Taking a deep breath, he hugged her close, kissed the top of her head. He buried his face in her soft hair and breathed in the warm, comforting scent of her, all strawberry scented shampoo and engine grease and Kaylee. "You have no idea how much it helps just to hear you say those words, how much you heal me."

Smiling, Kaylee pressed her face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Trust me, honey, I know."

"I love you, Kaylee." He tilted her face back to look into her eyes. "Promise me you'll remember that, even if I do something stupid or let you down or hurt you-"

He was cut off by her soft, reassuring kiss. "I promise."

There was no telling how long they just stood there, holding each other. She anchored him, kept him from being swept away by the fears and insecurities of his own mind. With just a sweet, simple kiss, she chased those thoughts away.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 10:10 AM

ALLIETHORN7


That was sweet, and thats a great song, made better by this fic. Very good, if I do say so myself (which I do).

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:28 PM

FRELLINGBLONDE


Yeah, NIN did the song first. But whose music do you think is more likely to be remembered fifty years from now?

I'd go with the Man in Black, personally...*shrugs*

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 5:45 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Totally in character....Simon can't help but doubt himself. But I love how Kaylee sees his misery without hesitation when he lies....can't miss how he gets when in a funk;)

BEB

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 6:59 PM

GRIMLOCK


If it makes a difference I had a shiney day... Got an internship and a research project...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 7:14 PM

BLACKBEANIE


Aww, very well done

Saturday, April 22, 2006 2:45 PM

PIFFLE101


""Don't do that." She said sharply. "Don't even think about tellin' me nothing's wrong when I can see something is."

Simon looked down. "I'm sorry, baobei.""

I know I've already said ahttp://www...and *cries* could also sum it up so - *AWWCries*

Heeee...

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:57 PM

AGENTRUSCO


very nice... ah foreshadowing, the literary device to die for...

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 4:59 PM

VINTERDRAKEN


Well like i said in the chat earlier. Damn good work blonde.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 5:00 PM

BLAZESOLO


Oh WOW !!!!

Thursday, April 27, 2006 5:09 PM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I love the song, and the possibilities for where this story can go (toward that betrayed lover, for example).

Tuesday, May 2, 2006 6:07 PM

SILLYLITTLEDUCK


oh, it's all so sad *sniff* like he'll never be happy again.

I like it, you know it's good when i moves you


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