It was odd not to feel. There was no sensation, no sense that brought any kind of recognition. Smell, taste, touch, sight – all were useless to her now. She smelled nothing, tasted nothing, saw nothing. Her hand touched the soft blanket she was resting on and the feel did not travel through her system; she reached out and poked the bunk’s wall and felt no hardness or softness, no coldness or warmness. Nothing.

The only thing she could do was listen to her own breathing. It roared in her ears, the in and out rhythm that seemed timed to the beat of her heart. How her heart could still be beating, Kaylee did not know. Her heart had been taken off this boat as soon as Simon had been carried away.

Kaylee had never thought there would come a day when she wouldn’t feel right at home aboard the firefly. Even when she had first started as the mechanic on Mal’s crew, it had only taken her moments to get her bearings on the ship. She had quickly scoped out every nook and cranny, reserving her favorite ones for late night reminiscing or early morning quiet time. She had made the engine room her second bunk on her third day on board, scattering personal items and mementos here and there. She had added the hammock at the first planet they touched down on. And once she’d hopped in to the swinging basket and surveyed the room, she knew it was all hers. Her domain, her place, her home.

But now, it felt as foreign to her as any where else. It had started to change the day she had invited Simon and River aboard. She had seen something in the doc that had made her heart beat wildly. At first, she was sure it was just infatuation. He was more than handsome and she was more than willing, but slowly, over time, and especially with the realization that River was his sister, Kaylee had seen something else in Simon; his unyielding compassion.

It was unlike any she had ever witnessed before and on most days it even rivaled her own. Simon’s commitment and ability to care for his sister brought the true meaning of family into all of their lives, even Jayne’s, because in all the ‘verse there wasn’t much that said family like a brother and sister.

Even when River had been more than a little crazy, her ability to rile Simon up, embarrass him or simply make him laugh had come with an easiness that spoke of a past shared and a future waiting. It was a bond that everyone had indulged in from time to time, trying to spur River on to feel more like Simon’s bratty sister, or trying to defend Simon in order to give him back his standing as distinguished older brother.

And Kaylee had been no exception. Seeing the interplay between the two had reminded her of her own brothers back home. They had been at times annoying, obnoxious and downright mean, but she had always known they loved her. As the only girl in the family, she had also been the instigator of many an argument, or fistfight between them, and while she had never told Simon, she always felt that River was perfectly within her rights, as a younger sister, to give him a hard time.

So, while Kaylee had watched as the crew became tighter, all rallying around River and the damage that had been done to her, her heart had expanded a little more every day to admire and love the young doctor. His ability to care, to heal, and his earnestness with which he attempted everything had quickly opened her eyes to the wonderful man he was. Knowing he was on board had brought a spring to her step – even when he had been an idiot – and now, every time she turned a corner or entered a room, she was immediately reminded of him, reliving a memory for every space on the ship.

That was why she couldn’t take it. She couldn’t stay here if he was gone. She loved him, more than she had ever thought it possible to love someone and his absence, no matter how sudden or how soon, made her life unbearable. While she once thought she might live out the rest of her days on board this boat, she now knew that without Simon here, that was no longer possible.

Sighing heavily, the sound ringing in her head, Kaylee remembered a needlepoint hanging her mama’d had on their living room wall. Kaylee had stared at it everyday as a little girl, puzzling over the words; and she now understood them with startling clarity – home is where the heart is.

And her heart was no longer here.

***

Mal stood frozen for a few moments after River had gone, still uncertain of what was going on. He wasn’t surprised when Inara showed up in the middle of his confusion – she had a talent for that.

“Mal, are you all right?”

Mal turned to face her, and gave her a quizzical look. “I think so.” Leaning against the stairs’ railing, he asked her, “How’s Kaylee?”

Inara sighed heavily and Mal could see the exhaustion etched into her features. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her to him and felt a million times more at ease as she nuzzled her head into his chest. “Not good,” she confided, her voice muffled. “She’s convinced Simon’s not coming back. I couldn’t convince her to eat. I tried getting her to change or get some rest, but …” Inara let the statement end, not knowing what good could come of recounting the heartache she had just witnessed. Feeling tears again pricking her eyes, Inara closed her lids tightly to keep them at bay.

Mal held her a bit tighter, rubbing small circles along her back as a form of comfort. Sighing heavily, he said, “River ain’t much better. Gorramit if that girl still ain’t as crazy as the first day she came aboard. She said something about going to see Kaylee though. Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“Maybe,” Inara agreed. Both of the girls had an amazing amount of things in common at the moment. Maybe they just needed each other to get through these next uncertain hours.

“I think she knows where Simon is.” Mal’s statement stopped Inara’s heart for a second. Pulling back to look at him, she asked, “Are you sure?”

Mal shrugged slightly and said, “She said something about a trap and a trade. She was heading for shuttle one before I stopped her.”

Inara’s mind quickly processed this new information. The bond between Simon and his sister was remarkably strong and only made stronger by River’s reading abilities. It was quite possible she could and would lead them right to him.

Reaching a decision, she reached up to peck Mal lightly on the cheek. “I’m going to go check on them,” she told him, turning to go.

His grip on her hand stopped her. Turning a puzzled expression on him, the gaze that greeted her back made her heart do a somersault. The love and compassion she saw in his eyes was overwhelming. “”Nara, I,” he cleared his throat, uncertain of what exactly to say. Reaching up to place a hand under her chin, he turned her face towards him, exposing the long and purple bruise running at her jaw line.

“I could have lost you today,” he finally said, his voice barely a whisper.

Stepping back into his embrace, Inara rested a light hand over his chest and whispered back, “But you didn’t. I’m here, and I’m fine. What happened wasn’t your fault,” she told him, knowing full well he was apt to blame himself.

Mal shook his head and gently cupped his hand against her cheek. Pulling her face to his he kissed her, gently and passionately all at once. Inara again felt her heart flutter, realizing that never before had any man made her knees go weak. It was an unaccustomed feeling, but unbelievably familiar.

Pulling away, Mal drew her close again and whispered into her hair, “I’d die if anything every happened to you.”

Choking back sudden tears, Inara’s thoughts drifted back to her friend’s ruined state and knew how true the statement was; for them both. “Oh, Mal,” was all she could get out before her tears started falling again.

***

River rapped lightly on the screen door that enclosed her brother’s and Kaylee’s bunk. Hearing no noise from within, but knowing Kaylee was in there, she slid the door open and walked inside.

Kaylee’s back was to her, her small form wrapped up into a tight ball, eyes staring blankly at the wall. Not venturing any closer, River waited for a moment uncertain of exactly what to say. Based on the amount of fear and anger she could feel radiating from the girl, she knew there weren’t words that could calm her.

Finally, she simply said, “I know it hurts.”

Kaylee did not acknowledge her presence or the statement. She continued to stare listlessly at the pale yellow of the bunk’s wall, her hands curled up under her head, her knees pulled in tight to her chest.

It was a pose River was used to; it was the one she had often retreated to her first few months on board. She didn’t much anymore. With Simon’s and the crew’s help, River had learned to stand up straight, walk with confidence, not timidness. She had grown to become a part of this family, and it pained her to know that one of her sisters was hurting.

“He’ll be okay,” River ventured again, still not sure if the statement would make any difference. “He’s strong and young, and, well, not as smart as me, so they won’t want him as much.” She thought she heard a sob at that last, and quickly changed gears. “He won’t die on me, he can’t. I need him.”

In a split second all notions of easing Kaylee’s anguish vanished. With a shocked gasp, River felt her eyes tear as a searing pain erupted below her rib cage. Spreading through her gut and down to the tops of her legs, she had to sit on the edge of the bunk, her own limbs too shaky to support her. As the throbbing intensified, River felt tears start to flow down her cheeks, the hot drops stinging her face and staining her dress.

At the sudden absence of her friend's reassurances, Kaylee looked up and finally read the anguish on the younger girl's face. Barely able to breathe, Kaylee whispered, "They're hurting him, aren't they? He's in pain."

With great effort, River pulled her own mind back from Simon's torment, doing her best to block it out. It was overpowering and flowed through her veins like hot lava. She nodded once, locking her eyes back on Kaylee's. "Yes."

Kaylee's expression did not change, but within a few moments, a sob had escaped her lips and more followed. River placed a hand on her arm, and inched closer to her. "He's thinking of you," she told her friend, eliciting louder sobs from the trembling girl. "He wants to come back to you. He loves you."

That was it. Finally, in a wail, Kaylee threw her head onto River's lap, shaking uncontrollably as she cried. River's own tears fell slowly down her cheeks, her mind still full of Simon's pain and now having to accommodate Kaylee's as well. It was quickly going to overwhelm her.

But River couldn't leave her friend like this. Simon wouldn't like it. She stroked Kaylee's hair as the girl continued to cry, wishing she had the words to steady her. But she didn't have words. She had action. And it was action she would take, no matter what.

***

Kaylee was beautiful. Even Simon, boob that was, had not been immune to her wide smile, her bright eyes, her perfect shape. He could see her now, sleeping beside him, her lips parted slightly as she slumbered, her hands curled under her chin. He watched intently as her chest rose and fell and reached out to run his fingers down the smooth, pale skin of her cheek.

As he stretched out his hand, an overwhelming desire to cause his love pain filled his core and without a second more of conscious thought, Simon drove the knife in his hand into her abdomen. Her eyes flew open in shock, the normally happy look replaced with a mixture of pain and fear.

“Simon?” She breathed out his name in her last breath before slumping, dead against the sheets.

“No!”

The boy’s yell was remarkably strong considering the amount of damage they had caused him, both mentally and physically. The first blue-handed agent studied the brain scans as they danced across the monitor in front of him, registering the heightened levels of pain, fear and anger. Much like his sister, in many respects, however, it was evident that the older Tam had much more restraint built into his system. It had taken them over four days to elicit these kinds of levels from the boy. It was about time.

Turning a smug grin back to his colleague, he motioned to a tech nearby and said, “Administer the next treatment. And let’s see what we can do about those ribs,” he continued, again consulting the data in front of him. “From my calculations ribs two and three on the right side are still whole and four and six on the left.”

The tech left the room with barely an acknowledgment. As soon as they were again alone, the second agent moved forward. “I’d really wish you’d get on with it.”

“We are,” his partner told him, stepping to the side so he could show off his varied results. “Look at these levels. He is suffering from major distress and his system is soon going to shut down.”

“The point is not to kill him,” the other man reminded, watching with disinterest as the tech they had ordered could be seen entering the room through the clear glass partition with another man. As they moved forward to crack the young man’s ribs, he continued. “The point is to get the girl here.”

Sighing heavily, the first agent knew he had gotten all the time he could to study Simon. It was time to propel their agenda further.

“Fine. Let’s get ready.”

Without another word, the men left the room and walked down the short, blue-tinted hallway to another exam room. Already equipped with the neural equipment they needed, both men sat and affixed the tools. Settling in, the eager agent looked at his partner and said, “Let’s bring back our prodigal child.”

***

Kaylee had finally drifted off to sleep allowing River to get on with her plan. Quietly exiting the bunk, River headed for the cargo bay, finding her way easily despite the lights being dimmed for the night cycle.

Halfway up the stairs to the shuttle, River paused, doubled over in pain. Squeezing her eyes shut against the invasive sensation, River tried and failed to erect her mental barriers, to keep them out. But she didn’t have enough time to prepare and she was already weak from lack of sleep, lack of food and lack of emotional rest. With blue-gloved hands her brother’s tormentors were slowly peeling away the layers of her brain, trying to bring her back into the fold; exactly where they wanted her.

While the pain was excruciating, River was able to extract the last sliver of information she had been lacking. Smiling tightly, she breathed deeply and counted backwards from ten. As she reached one, she thought one thing very clearly, I’m coming.

Almost instantly the pressure was gone. Trying to move past the violation she felt, River straightened herself on the stairs and waited for the weakness to pass. When she again felt her legs could hold her weight, she took the remaining stairs two at a time and reached the door to shuttle one in seconds.

“River.”

Turning, River was startled to see Inara standing there, on the gangway between the two smaller ships. River’s body tensed, ready to fight the other woman if that’s what it took to get to Simon. He didn’t have much time left.

“I’m going,” she told her simply, edging her way back to the shuttle’s door.

Inara nodded once and said, “I know. I’ll make up an excuse for Mal. He won’t follow you.”

Surprised, River quickly accepted the companion’s help and said, “Thank you.”

Without another word, the young girl bounded up into the shuttle and had pulled away from Serenity in minutes.

As Inara heard the shuttle detach, she breathed deeply and closed her eyes against the coming anxiety. The next few hours would be the tensest ones yet. Sighing, and knowing she would be unable to sleep, she headed back downstairs to sit with Kaylee. The girl would still be inconsolable when she awoke and Inara wanted to be there.

***

There were flowers all around, rows and rows of fresh flowers. The smell was intoxicating. Simon stood in the midst of the color and light and breathed deeply, allowing his senses time to savor the unusual sights and smells. With a large grin on his face, he turned his head to survey the landscape around him. Stretched in both directions as far as he could see were flowers, fields of grass, and stands of trees. The sun shone brightly above and the sky was the brightest blue he had ever beheld. It was paradise.

Shifting his gaze to scan the horizon, he saw two shapes approach him at an easy pace. His heart warmed at the sight of them both; his mei mei and his Kaylee were dressed in beautiful flowing gowns that danced in the light breeze that swept over his own still form. He felt such contentment and happiness as they approached he was sure his heart would burst from his chest.

Simon tried to span the distance between them, walking his way through thigh high grass. But as he took one step after another, the girls only seemed to get farther away. Concerned, he quickened his pace, breaking into a light jog. Within moments, he was running at full speed, panting heavily and sweating, the pounding of his own heart the only sound filling his ears.

Abruptly he stopped, having lost sight of both Kaylee and River. The sky above, moments before a bright blue, was now a menacing gray and Simon knew that rain would come soon. Large rain drops, heavy with the weight of the sky and the space beyond. Simon did a full circle scanning every inch of the expanse before him, around him, behind him for his sister and his bao bei. But they had vanished.

With an anguished cry, Simon fell to his knees as the first drop of rain fell, hard and wet against the top of his head. The water hurt as it hit, the weight leaving a bruise on his skull. As more drops fell, he felt more stings all along his skin. His flesh was on fire in a million places as each drop became sharper, deadlier. But he couldn’t flee, he couldn’t leave; not without River and not without Kaylee.

“River! Kaylee!”

His pained shout was drowned out by the steady sound of torrential rain and Simon could not withstand the pain any longer. Slumping to the ground in a soggy heap, his blood flowed through the flowers and grasses, soaking the soil around him, leaving pink puddles in its wake. Mercifully, the shock and agony forced his body to shut down and he no longer felt anything.

With a strangled sigh, Simon Tam’s body sagged against the observation table. It took the blue-gloved agents only a second to read the dials and numbers before them. The boy was dead.