The Goldwater Caper Part 2: Ain’t that Shiny? By ShadyBeing

These characters and their verse are all property of mastermind Joss Whedon.

Despite the chaos spreading like a plague above, one individual aboard Serenity was not only unaffected; but also completely oblivious to it all. Optimist to the core, Kaywinnit Lee fry lay in her hammock; dreaming of a certain Simon Tam.

Kaylee jolted awake to a loud crash. “Simon?” she muttered. A small shadow moved in the corner, slowly, menacingly.

“Who…who’s there?” Kaylee managed to whisper meekly.

“Captain?” she squeaked, “Nara” “Anyone?”

A small voice broke the silence. “Kaylee, I’ve done something bad. The others don’t want me.” “River?” Kaylee asked the shadow. Sobbing was her only reply.

Kaylee shuffled off her bunk and staggered over to River. She had been drinking, not as much as poor Simon; but plenty to make her wonky. Kaylee flopped down beside the distraught girl.

“What’s wrong sweetie, break somethin’?” River nodded slowly. “Was it somethin that mattered, you know precious-like?” River nodded again, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Well what was it? You break Simon’s med-kit?.

“No I killed someone” River said shakily.

Kaylee broke out in a sweat, feeling clammy and uncomfortable. It wasn’t long ago that she had seen River shoot three men in Niska’s Skyplex; without lookin’. Kaylee didn’t think River would kill any of the crew, but she couldn’t shake the unnerving thought. What if she did it without knowin’, subconscious like.

Kaylee gathered her courage; she had to ask. “River” Kaylee gulped the air. “Who did you kill?”

“I killed Vera!” River wailed, sobbing profusely.

Kaylee started to laugh “Vera ain’t a person River, Vera’s a gun”. “But Jayne said…” River started but Kaylee interrupted. “River, Jayne is just…well he’s Jayne. He says things like that ‘cause he’s a meanie, but he don’t mean it.”

River made a half smile, but something else troubled her.

“The bottle lied to me. It made me hurt Simon too. I didn’t mean to, now he hates me.” Kaylee wrapped her arm around the quivering teenager. “Sweetie, Simon don’t hate you, you’re his sis.” Kaylee ruffled her hair. Well it works for the captain, she mused

River just cried. -------------------------------------------------

Mal was furious. How could somethin’ so funny quickly become so Gorram iritatin’. Over the past hour, Jayne’s favourite gun had been maimed, Simon had gotten himself a down right nasty burn on his hand, and Zoe had been held at gunpoint.

“Ruttin’ fantastic” Mal muttered, hoping none the assembled heard him. Mal was just itchin’ for a scrap, and was in no mood for the kind of trouble that the crazy teen had caused all over the Boat. Oh and crew problems was just to start.

River had also managed to sever the steering with her ‘toy’ and half the lights had packed it in, plunging the ship into darkness.

Mal was working on his plan for this mess. “How’s the steering comin’?” he called to Wash, who Mal noticed to be slightly preoccupied with another crewmate. “Two hours at least Mal.” Wash replied. “If you find Kaylee that is.” Wash added quietly.

“Where is that Gorram girl when I need her” Mal was almost at breaking point. Then the brawlin’ began.

“Gorram it, watch where yur goin’ Doc” Jayne called out. “What are you talking about, I’m over here” Simon retorted from across the table.

“But, if yur over there who the ruddin’ hell is this; Jayne felt something bump against him. It was soft and kinda spongy-like. “Don’t even think it”, Inara snapped.

“Oh, sorry ‘Nara”

Mal sighed, this was gonna take awhile.

-------------------------------------------------

“River, what’d you mean the bottle lied; what bottle?” Kaylee was trying to understand but it was hard, River made next to no sense.

“In the kitchen, the bottle told me it tasted nice” River mumbled, clearing her eyes again. “But you’re not suppose to listen to strangers, so I asked its name. It didn’t listen, it kept telling me how nice it was” River sniffled.

“Is Simon ok? I hurt Simon, the bottle did it; it wasn’t me” River cried, rocking back and forward. “It wasn’t me”

Kaylee leaned forward “River it’s all shiny, don’t worry. Simon’ll be fine, he’s just scared s’all.” River turned to Kaylee, her eyes were gushin’ fountains. “What happened next?” Kaylee asked, leaning River on her shoulder.

“The bottle said that I should drink it, that we could be friends. I didn’t trust it, drank it anyway” River murmured. “Dancing juice, bottled happiness” River smiled.

Kaylee laughed “Well ain’t that shiny?” -------------------------------------------------

After a while it was Shepard Book who volunteered to find Kaylee, which didn’t surprise Mal none. Not that he blamed him for wantin’ out of this crazy house. Mal could hear movement from the other side of the table, and he wasn’t so sure it was Shepard.

In the dark Jayne couldn’t see much, but he had heard the Doc callin’ from over the table. This was a ruttin’ good time to show that Gorram sissy a lesson in pain; Jayne Cobb style.

Jayne reached out with his large hands and grabbed the Doc by the neck, his ruddin’ pampered, richy neck. Problem was, his neck weren’t so richy, it was Gorram wrinkled-like. Too late Jayne realised his terrible mistake.

Shepard Book was a peaceful aging man, but unfortunately his reflexes were not.

Jayne hit the floor; hard.

“Sorry about that son, you shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.” Shepard offered his hand to Jayne, who had gone strangely quiet.

“You know, it might be a good idea if you come with me Simon” He might be older, but Book was no fool. He could see what Jayne had planned for the ship’s unfortunate doctor.

Simon crossed the room unscathed, pursued only by hot air as he followed the Shepard out of the kitchen. “You’ll get yours” Jayne muttered, careful not to alert the preacher. -------------------------------------------------

“Lights fixed!” Mal hollered into the intercom. The reply that came through lightened the mood just as much. “I told you Zoe, be gentle with me. Not while I’m crossing the feeds.” Inara chuckled in a very un-companion-like way. Mal just smiled “Everything alright up there?”

It was Zoe that realized first “Um, yes sir everything’s fine at our end. How’s the lighting?” She asked, changing the subject quickly. “Just dandy here, how’s about you two come down and help us find our wayward young’un” Mal smirked to himself, trying to remain ‘captain-like’.

“We’ll be right there Sir, Zoe huffed.” -------------------------------------------------

Shepard Book and Simon entered the engine room to a welcome sight. River was dancing round in circles, smiling. Kaylee was sitting on the deck laughing and clapping. Simon rushed in “River are you all right?”

Kaylee stopped him short. “She’s fine, she’s just been drinkin’ the hooch”. “The hooch?” Simon asked puzzled. “The booze Simon, she tried some of Jayne’s drinks”

“River’s been drinking!” Simon looked like he was a set short of fainting. “Bottled happiness” River beamed. Book crossed his arms and shook his head, chuckling. ------------------------------------------------

Mal drew the gun Jayne had unwillingly given him and put his back to the doorway. “You alright in there Kaylee? Has she hurt you none?” He was met with an eerie silence. Mal signalled to Zoe, who drew her gun an slowly approached the engine room.

“Zoe you go in on the left, but don’t shoot unless ya have to. We don’t wanna make her do anythin’ stupid.” Mal whispered. Jayne interjected “Damn it Mal let’s just shoot the gorram moonbrain!” Mal was less than impressed “If you so much as point without my say so, you’ll be seeing the outside of this boat. Catch my drift?”

Jayne nodded hastily. He knew Mal would do it too.

Mal, Zoe and Jayne rushed into the room, guns at ready. “River! Don’t move” Mal yelled. Much to his surprise, River was not holding Kaylee hostage; in fact she was busy dancing. “What in the name of…” Mal said confused. ------------------------------------------------- Book explained. “Mal it’s all right, she’s just has to sober up”. Mal’s confusion was growing by the second “Are you sayin’ River’s been drinkin’?” “Indeed she has, it seems someone forgot to put the drinks away after cards” Book looked at Jayne, who was staring at the floor.

“Jayne you left drinks around, with River!” Mal fumed. “Ah heck Mal, I was smashed, can’t rightly remember where I was; let alone the gorram drink” Jayne mumbled, still focusing squarely on the deck.

“Captain, you can’t really blame Jayne too much” Simon said raising an eyebrow at Mal. “Well, just…” Now Mal looked at the floor. “Fine. But just kept your sister off the boozin’ from now on Doc.”

“Aw, come on you can’t blame me for that” Doc looked to Kaylee for support. “Mei Mei?” Simon glanced at River

River grinned “Simon’s in trouble, nah nah”