Mal had been by River’s side for at least ten hours now. After he and Inara had managed to come to some kind of agreement about where their relationship was headed, and the sex that followed, Mal had found himself restless. While he could appreciate the beauty of New Regina and the hospitality afforded to them by members of the Training House, there was something not right about lying in the arms of the woman he loved while other members of his family were suffering.

Simon didn’t need any more looking after, Kaylee was making certain of that. And truth was, Mal wasn’t as worried about the doc as he was about his little sis.

Gazing down to River’s peaceful face, he noted that the bruises she had suffered while rescuing her brother were starting to fade. They had only been on the surface for a little under four days, but already the medicine and the rest were working wonders on the girl. Her ankle was healing nicely, the doctors expected her to be up and walking around in just over a week, and her body was again getting the proper nourishment, various IVs and tubes pumping the necessities into her veins while she remained asleep.

But there were wounds Mal couldn’t see and those were the ones he feared. If River had proved anything to him since Miranda it was that he didn’t have a clue what was going on with her. He wished he did and he thought, on various occasions that he did, but the girl was smart, scarily so, and she could affect just about any countenance she wanted and that included sanity.

Clenching his fists involuntarily, Mal rose to get some distance from her still form, trying to bury the anger that rose in his throat. He should have seen this coming. He should have known things weren’t okay, that something bad was going to happen. Something bad always happened and he shouldn’t have been content to sit back and watch the inevitable play out. But more than anger, Mal felt guilt.

Sighing lightly, he gazed out the window at the now dark expanse before him and wished he could banish his feelings of remorse. But he couldn’t. River was part of his crew and even more importantly a part of his family – and that made her a part of him. It was no secret, to anyone, that Mal had a special place in his battered heart for her. She was the innocence he had lost so long ago, the faith the Shepherd had told him to have, the belief that not only could the ‘verse be absolutely terrible, it could also be unbelievably good. No one had worked under his skin like this girl, not even Kaylee. He loved his mechanic, just like a little sister and would gladly die for her, but he loved River in a different way entirely.

He loved her like she was his own. And that meant that what happened to her, happened to him. And that meant he had utterly failed her.

“You worry too much.”

The voice startled him to a point of uncomfortableness and Mal spun to find the sound, his hand automatically dropping to his now empty hip – as a courtesy they had locked up all their weapons on the boat. In an instant though he realized he had nothing to worry about. And a very great reason to smile.

Plastering the goofy look on his face, he rushed back to River’s bedside, taking her hand gingerly in his own as he sat back down. “Well hey there, lil’ one,” he whispered, trying to hold his voice steady. “How’re you feelin’?”

River worked her mouth for a few moments trying to wet her throat and get her tongue to move. Finally she managed to get out hoarsely, “Okay, I guess. Simon?”

“He’s fine,” Mal reassured, reaching up to gently brush her hair back from her forehead. He had never been so happy to see those brown eyes in all his life. “He’s restin’ in the next room. Kaylee’s with him.”

“I have to see him,” River said automatically, trying to get up.

“Shh now, you’ll see him in a bit,” Mal said, gently pushing her back against the bed with a gentle hand. “You gotta rest up some more first.” As she brought questioning eyes back to him, Mal could read her apprehension. “He’s going to be fine,” Mal told her again, hoping she’d believe him and calm down. “Really. You did good, gettin’ him outta there.”

River seemed to hear his reassurance this time and Mal saw the tension ease from her body. When she again turned her eyes to him, they were clear, but starting to fill with tears, and Mal hated that. She’d been through enough, there was no reason for more crying now.

“It wasn’t Inara’s fault,” River told him, her voice breaking slightly as her tears fell. “It wasn’t her fault I took the shuttle.”

Mal grinned down at her and squeezed her hand. “Don’t you worry none about that. I’m just glad you both made it back in one piece.”

River smiled weakly at him through her tears, and Mal gently reached up to wipe her cheeks with his finger. He sat gazing at her for a moment, just allowing himself to feel the huge relief at seeing her awake. It was truly the lightest he’d felt in months, knowing that she would be okay.

But still, this entire incident weighed heavily on his heart. Clearing his throat slightly, he gazed down at her small pale hand with its long fingers laying in his big, rough one. “You should have told me,” he said quietly, not bringing his eyes back to her face just yet. “You should have told me what was going on. What you was goin’ through.”

River shook her head slightly and told him, “No. Nothing you could have done. Captain Daddy would have just felt worse, felt guilty. Not your fault, not your burden.”

He did meet her gaze now. How could she say that? “River, you are my responsibility, whether you want to admit it or not, and you ain’t a burden, no matter what Jayne says,” Mal added, hoping to get a smile from the girl and succeeding. “When I took you and your brother on my boat, I took you in as part of my crew and –"

“Part of your family,” River corrected, reaching her other hand over to lay on top of his.

He smiled at her and said, “Right, part of my family. That means if one of you is hurtin’ we’re all hurtin’. That’s just how it is.”

River watched him for a moment in silence feeling all his grief and sadness and fear. And his love. She had not been immune to the captain’s feelings of concern for her, his wish to keep her safe, his need to help her. She was more to him than just a pilot and he was more to her than just a captain. While Simon was her savior, her rescuer, Mal was her protector. He was the father she’d never had and while she knew he meant every word he spoke, she also knew he could never share her burden, not all of it, because he loved her too much.

And knowing the true extent of her pain and her injury would destroy him, just as it would destroy Simon. The two men who loved her most in the world, could never fully help her, that was simply a fact.

“Couldn’t have fixed it,” she told him again, hoping he could feel her sincerity. “Sometimes something gets broke and it can’t be fixed,” she reminded him, knowing he would remember those words and the truth to them.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment, trying to determine how far he could really push her, especially now. He didn’t want to upset her, but he also didn’t want her to think he had forgiven her lapse in judgment. “You gotta trust me, lil’ albatross,” he said, trying to place a tone of warning in his voice. It wasn’t really working, not as he continued to watch her cry. “I can take it. Whatever it is, whatever’s wrong. You just gotta tell me, dong ma?”

He reached his hand up again and gently stroked her forehead with his thumb, careful of her still healing cuts. She closed her eyes against the sensation for a moment, enjoying the tenderness and familiarity of the motion; it was something Simon would have done were he able to and she appreciated that. She appreciated even more that she wasn’t alone.

“I’ll be okay,” she said finally, not opening her eyes. She felt him hesitate slightly, and then continue to try and soothe her. When she finally did reopen her eyes, she saw that he had finally started to let some of his tears fall. “Not your fault, none of it. And I’ll be okay.” She squeezed his hand slightly, knowing that the medicine they were feeding her would soon render her unconscious again. Her eyes fluttering shut, she whispered, “We’ll all be okay.”

Mal nodded once and wiped his now wet cheeks with the back of his hand. Seeing her start to drift off again, he considered leaving. Moving to stand, he felt her tug on his hand. Glancing back to the bed, he saw the smallest slivers of brown peeking out from beneath her heavy eyelids.

“Stay with me,” she asked, quickly loosing her battle with wakefulness.

Smiling slightly at her, Mal resumed his seat and got comfortable. Placing his elbows on the edge of the bed, he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it lightly. “All night, lil’ one,” he reassured her as she fell to sleep. “All night.”

*** Kaylee viewed Simon’s sleeping face with a look of love and disgust. Love for this strong and brave man before her and disgust for the monsters who had caused him so much pain – caused them so much pain.

She had not ventured from his side since they had made it to the medical facility. Even as the doctors did their work, setting bones, sewing stitches, applying and redressing wounds, Kaylee had stayed with Simon. She was unable to touch him, there wasn’t a spot on his body where she could lay her hand and not hurt him. So she settled for just being close enough to reach over and feel his heart beat.

It was agony, pure and simple. Kaylee tried very hard to be strong for him, although whether or not he even knew she was there was a matter up for debate. He had not come to since before River had rescued him. The doctors assured them all that it was a natural reaction to the trauma his body had suffered, a defense mechanism designed by biology to protect the body and preserve life.

At this point, Kaylee didn’t care, she just wanted his blue eyes to open and look at her so she could tell him all the things that were dying to burst forth from her lips. She just wanted to hold him again, feel his warmth next to her as she slept, feel his lips on hers … anything, just to know that she wasn’t dreaming. That he was back and he was still hers.

Kaylee rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the sleepy blurriness that overtook her vision. It had been at least twelve hours since she had lied down to sleep and it was taking its toll. Truth was, she had barely slept for more than a few hours here and there. She was worried he would awaken and she needed to be there when that happened. He would be disoriented and scared and still suffering from the pain of his injuries and she wanted to be the one who calmed and reassured him that everything would be fine.

Rising, she stretched her legs by pacing a small path across the room. Stopping in front of the oblong window, Kaylee gazed down at the hospital’s courtyard, a small area of greenery and flowers. Night was approaching and everything was covered in a dark blue haze.

Lost in thought, Kaylee didn’t hear River enter the room or see her go over to Simon’s sleeping form and slip something under one of his heavily bandaged hands. She didn’t see her lean down and kiss him lightly on the forehead or hear her whisper something to him.

But when River was ready to address Kaylee, the young girl had no trouble hearing her. “Kaylee, you need to rest.”

Turning, startled by the sudden intrusion, Kaylee let her breathing return to normal as she saw River’s deep, concerned eyes stare back at her. “Oh, River, honey, you scared me.” Crossing over to stand on the other side of Simon’s still form, she lowered her voice and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Just visiting,” the man’s sister said wistfully, her eyes again gazing down at his sleeping form. Kaylee observed the girl as she seemed to stare at him with an intensity she had not seen before; as if she were trying to memorize every inch of his face. “You do need to rest.”

Sighing heavily, Kaylee sank into a nearby chair and slumped back, her elbows resting lightly on the chair’s arms. Leaning her head back and closing her eyes, she said, “I know, but I just can’t. I’m worried he’ll wake up and I want …” She trailed off, ashamed to admit something so selfish. Glancing back up to River, she met the girl’s quizzical gaze with a wry smile. “Well, I want to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up.”

River rounded the corner of the bed and came to kneel in front of her. Resting her hands gently on Kaylee’s knees she said, “You will.” Kaylee held her gaze a moment more, wondering the whole time what River was getting at. She could see it, just under the surface, something she was trying hard to conceal. Had Kaylee not been so tired or so worried about Simon, she might have pressed the issue. But distracted as she was, she wasn’t able to focus enough energy on figuring out the cryptic girl and River preferred that way.

Reaching up to place a gentle kiss on Kaylee’s cheek, River rose and whispered, “Take care of him.”

Kaylee nodded, as she let her head slump back against the chair. “I will, sweetie,” she murmured, as sleep finally claimed her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

River watched as Kaylee drifted off, placing a blanket over her sleeping form. Going back to her brother’s side, River placed another kiss on his forehead and whispered, “Don’t be mad. I’ll see you soon.”

Without another word and no sound, River left the two people she cared for most in the ‘verse and exited the room.

***

When Mal and Inara arrived at Simon’s room the next morning to check on the doctor, they found Kaylee still sleeping in a chair, her neck crooked at an odd angle. Smiling slightly at each other, Inara pulled away from Mal’s side and crossed the room to her friend. Reaching down, she gently shook the mechanic’s shoulder and whispered, “Mei mei, it’s time to wake up.”

Kaylee came to slowly, still groggy from her dreamless sleep. Rubbing her eyes, she worked her neck back and forth in an effort to work out the cramp. As she took in Inara’s and Mal’s concerned forms, she allowed a small smile to turn up the corners of her mouth. “Mornin’ ‘Nara, Cap’n,” she murmured, yawning grandly and standing with a stretch. “How you been?”

Sharing another secret look, Inara grinned widely as she said, “We’re fine, sweetie. How are you?”

Shrugging, Kaylee went to stand by Simon’s side, running a hand gently down his cheek. “’Kay, I guess.” Looking up to Mal, she said, “I just wish he’d wake up.”

“I know, hon, but you just gotta stick it out. There ain’t no way the doc’s gonna leave a girl as pretty as you.”

Kaylee smiled at his compliment and the look warmed Mal’s heart. Inara came back to his side, slipping her hand into his and he squeezed it reassuringly. “We’re going to get some breakfast,” Inara told Kaylee as she continued to gaze at Simon’s still form. “Would you like to join us?”

“Nah,” Kaylee said, not taking her eyes off of him. “But bring me back some coffee, would ya?”

“Sure, lil’ Kaylee,” Mal answered as he pulled Inara from the room.

“With lots of sugar,” the young girl called after them. Sharing one more private glance, Mal and Inara could only smile.

Kaylee pulled the chair she had slept in closer to Simon’s bedside, and sat down, checking his expression for any change; nothing. Sighing, Kaylee reached out tentatively and rested her hand on top of his bandaged one. He was healing, but there were still a lot painful points all along his body. The doctors had told her the healing would be slow. His breaks would take the longest, but with some of the medicines they had available, they had been able to expedite healing of some of the smaller injuries. But Kaylee knew there still wasn’t much on Simon that didn’t hurt and she bit back tears at the thought of his agony when he awoke.

She didn’t care though. She didn’t care if he wailed and screamed every minute of the day. She just wanted him back, she wanted him awake and she wanted them to continue building a life together. That was all that mattered.

As she continued to stare at him, she thought she saw the slightest twitch in his eyes. Convinced her mind was playing tricks on her, Kaylee stood and leaned over him slightly, getting a better look. Gasping, she realized she hadn’t been wrong the first time, his eyes were trying to open.

Holding her breath, Kaylee could barely think. Her heart swelled with hope and breathlessly she whispered, “Simon? Sweetie, can you hear me?

It took his brain and his damaged muscles a few more moments to find the ability to answer her. His eyes barely open more than a sliver, Kaylee could see the smallest hint of blue and waited with anticipation as he worked his mouth to say something. “Kaylee? Where am I?”

“Oh, Simon,” she murmured, her tears falling. She wanted so desperately to throw her arms around him and hold him tight, but she knew it would only cause him more discomfort. Instead, she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, keeping her hand over his. “You’re safe, sweetie. You’re okay.”

He struggled to open his eyes more and when he did, Kaylee bit her lip in shock. They were still cloudy, not doubt from the drugs he had been tortured with and the medication they had given him to help regulate his system. Kaylee saw the coldness in those eyes as well, the distant look that told her he wasn’t all back yet. But he would be, she just knew it.

“Where’s River,” he asked, his voice barely louder than a rasp. Even in his sleep-induced haze, he could have sworn she had just been there, telling him something … something he needed to know.

“She’s probably gettin’ some breakfast,” Kaylee assured him, still crying silent tears. “I’ll have the captain get her when he comes back.”

Simon seemed to take this in, and then with great effort, turned his head slightly to look into her face. She smiled for him, through her tears, knowing she must look a mess. “Don’t cry, bao bei,” he whispered, his own eyes filling with tears. “I wanted to get back to you so badly.”

Kaylee cried harder now, a small sob escaping her lips. Sinking into the chair at his side, she rested her head on the bed beside him and let her tears of relief overwhelm her. Rising her head after a few minutes, she saw that Simon was still alert, his eyes looking down to see her. “I love you,” she whispered. Reaching up she placed the slightest kiss against his lips. By the time she pulled away, he was already back to sleep.

***

“What do you mean you can’t find her?”

Kaylee looked from Mal to Inara and back again, truly puzzled. The three of them stood in the hall just outside Simon’s door while the doctors and nurses did some tests. Once her friends had returned she had told them excitedly that Simon had awoken and immediately sent them in search of River. When they had arrived back with no one in tow, Kaylee was instantly suspicious and more than a little nervous.

“She wasn’t in her room or wandering the grounds,” Inara explained, resting a steadying hand on Kaylee’s shoulder. “We radioed Jayne and Zoe to see if she might have headed back to the ship. They’re checking now.”

“She’s gotta be around here somewhere,” Mal muttered, more annoyed than anything that his pilot had again disappeared on him. “How’s Simon?”

“Groggy,” Kaylee said tiredly, glancing over her shoulder and glimpsing him through the doorway as the medical staff swarmed around him. “Tired and in a lot of pain.” Turning back to look at Mal, she smiled brightly, one of the biggest smiles she’d been able to manage since the whole ordeal began. “But he’s out of the woods.”

“I’m so happy for you both, mei mei,” Inara stated, pulling her friend into a tight embrace.

Mal was about to add his own grateful sentiment, when Jayne and Zoe both rounded a corner looking agitated. “What is it,” Mal asked, moving to meet them a few steps from the room.

They barely noticed as the doctors and nurses tending to Simon passed by them. The five crew members stood staring at each other, as Zoe said, “She’s not on board, sir. Any sign of her here?”

Shaking his head, Mal’s anger was quickly turning into concern. Despite the secluded location of this facility, he was now beginning to worry that maybe she hadn’t disappeared so much as she had been taken. Rubbing a hand over his face, Mal dreaded the thought of having to rescue another Tam.

“Do we have any ideas where she might be hiding?”

“Are you still convinced she’s hiding, sir,” Zoe asked skeptically, her eyebrow raising in a classic look of incredulity.

Giving her a stern look, Mal said, “Until I hear evidence otherwise, yes. There’s no point accusing any of these good folk of taking her and there’s no point in stirring up trouble for no good reason.” Jayne grunted and Mal amended the statement, “This time at least.”

“You don’t really think she got snatched, do ya?” Kaylee’s voice shook with a newfound fear at the thought of River being kidnapped.

“No, of course not,” Inara told her, shooting her own hard gaze over Kaylee’s head as the girl again leaned into her. Her eyes told Mal everything.

“Zoe, I want you and –"

Mal’s orders were cut off as the hallway filled with a primal scream and the loud sound of something being hurled across the room. Instantly alert, Kaylee rushed into Simon’s room, hurrying to his side. The nurses had propped him up slightly and his head hung down, his chin touching his chest.

Placing a gentle finger under his chin, Kaylee lifted his face to meet her gaze. “Simon, sweetie, what is it?”

His tear-stained face was full of emotions ranging from fear to anger to disbelief to shock. Kaylee started to cry involuntarily, knowing that whatever had him so upset would be bad.

“Simon, please,” she whispered, taking his face gently in her hands, his tears falling into her palms. “Tell me bao bei, what is it?”

“River,” Simon managed to choke out between sobs. Squeezing his eyes shut, he was determined to stop blubbering, but it was all he could do. Unable to move, barely able to speak, all Simon had was the ability to cry. He hated it, but he had no choice but to let the tears continue to fall in steady streams. Kaylee’s concerned brown eyes bored into him and he finally explained. “She’s gone.”

***

“By the time you wake up, I'll be gone and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't wait to say goodbye to you. But I knew if I did, and you asked me not to go, I wouldn't. And I have to.

“I have to do this. I can do this. I can stop them. I can keep them from ever hurting you or Kaylee or any of our family again. I can protect you.

“Right now, the best way for me to do that is to be gone. I know you don't want to believe that, but it's true. I'll be all right. They made me a weapon and I can be a weapon. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I don't know how long it'll take, but when it's over and I know it's safe, I'll find you and Serenity again. I'll come back home.

“Tell the captain - well, tell him what you want. Make him understand that none of this is his fault. He couldn't have done anything to stop it. His actions couldn't have changed anything.

“Get better, heal. Let Kaylee take care of you. She loves you. Just be sure to tell her how much you care too, she needs to hear it. Basically, don't be a boob.

“I will be back, believe that. I love you. Trust me."