Archer is one kind of sumbitch or 'nother by Sarahetc

TALK STORY

Archer is one kind of sumbitch or 'nother

POSTED BY: SARAHETC
UPDATED: Friday, May 30, 2003 17:16
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 5786
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Thursday, May 29, 2003 4:16 PM

I mean really, who does he think he is? Stories, guns, tequila.... Much talk, little play. Listening to him, you'd think he was Mr. Big The One. Mr. Da Hongse De Zui Hao!

I do not share this opinion. I think he should fish or cut bait. I demand to know more about Jian-Ku and long haul trucking, dammit! I want to know about guns and which is the best tequila for serving with camarones el diabla! Or however the hell you spell it.

I'm tired of being jerked around and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Consider the guantlet. It lies there listlessly at all y'all's feet.

Sarah!

I'm a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams. ---Neko Case

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 4:27 PM

SUCCATASH

Here is Sarah's song for Archer:

http://www.strangefinger.com/rodeo-song.mp3 (1.8 MB)

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 4:41 PM

SUCCATASH

I've been toying with the idea of turning this song into a fan vid, showing fighting and cattle and dancing and such. Hmm.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 5:51 PM

LERXST

I've referred to Archer as a hack (all in good fun, o'course), and his new pet name for me is "Dead-Mailman-Walking". So... on to the tequila duel! Who'll stand as my second?

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:00 PM

LOTV

Quote:
Originally posted by Lerxst:
Who'll stand as my second?B]

I shall be your honorable second...

(psst... What's tequila taste like again?)

LOTV: I'm not as think as your drunk I am... (thois peachy schnappsses steff is guut...)

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:09 PM

LERXST

Actually, to me it tastes like feet. But after a shot or two, you don't care anymore.

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:24 PM

LOTV

I'll remember that next time I'm with my girlfriend..

"Yea baby.. mm... your feet taste like tequila... yea..."

I can see why they cut that kinda stuff outta porn vids...

LOTV: Ima-who-whata-whoichy-whoda-whazza--huh?

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 6:26 PM

WULFHAWK

I must protest! Tequila is nectar of los dios, and such loco talk about 'feet' is an insult.

I propose a grand teqila melee! Honor will be answered.

Long Live Jose' Cuervo!
Hack?

Jian gets a cybernetic prosthesis, since her wound was on duty, and goes on to be the milkmaid champion of the entire county...her deadly sniper skills insure every squirt hits the bucket.

what of the others? stay tuned...

tanstaafl

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 7:01 PM

ARCHER

Ahem.

Long-Haul Sniper,
By Archer

Jian-Ku took another slug of coffee and tried to keep her bleary eyes open. Twelve hours into a ten-hour shift, she'd already knocked off seven hundred and fifty miles. But she was almost there. Just one delivery and she could FINALLY call it a day. Expertly maneuvering the truck through mid-afternoon Ohio traffic. Two more miles. One. Floating the gears down and left-foot-braking, she expertly rode the custom Freightliner Coronado with 144-inch sleeper down the exit. She pulled into a parking space, easy to find at the truckstop in the afternoon. But never one to take the easy route, she displayed her skill with a ninety-degree parallel blindside dock in by the signpost.

Contemplating her quick lunch before going to work, she decided that Cuervo 1800 was the One True Drink for any meal, especially choice with her offering of camarones el diabla. Kellerman, dense but lovable lug that he was preferred Sauza Commemorativo, but she loved him anyway. Cafferty on the other hand was known for brooding over martinis. If he hadn't had other commendable qualities, she'd probably have kicked his ass to the door over that alone.

Finishing her repaste, she got out her Model M40A3 sniper rifle, the one with the Remington 700 short action, steel floorplate assembly and trigger guard built by DD Ross. Such a lovely weapon.

She thought about the statue she saw in downtown Canton OH, the one that had the legend inscribed in the base... Archer, The Hero of Canton, the one with eerie eyes that seemed to look at you no matter where you stood. She then shook that off as being a strange and irrelevant diversion.

Mind on the mission. Lerx was a threat to the family, herself, Kellerman, and Cafferty. She was going to take that bastard right out of the 'verse.

"Dead Mailman Walking," she muttered, grimacing.

----------------------------------------------------

Gauntlet, received. Mr. Big Red Countermeasures initiated.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 8:27 PM

ARCHER

AND...

Just to show you how personally I'm taking this, besides the fact that I'm never speaking to you again until the next time we meet on IRC, I'm going to torture you with more Iced Earth lyrics.

"I did what I thought was right, all for the love of my life.
I know it's sad but true.
Something is very wrong,
Condemned to suffer so long for a love so true.
The question lies within, it's hard to understand, it still tears at me.
And in my dying breath, my heart holds no regrets.
I wouldn't change a thing."

That refers to no character I can think of. The next bit refers to Mal's struggles with faith.

"My spirit begins to rise, to the heavenly skies, just to be shown the way by you.

Now all I want is to die, for streets of gold in the sky, and I wash my hands of you.

Oh, I know you can't forgive me.
I know I'm on my own.
I know that I've betrayed you.
I know that I walked alone.
I pound my fists at you.
I'm turned away by you.
I wash my hands of you.
Why won't you let me die?
Why won't you let me die?
Why won't you let me die?"

Had enough yet?

No?

Fine!

"Pure ambition burns in me
It's a beast, never to be tamed
And the only peace I can find
Is when I'm here with you
You are the ones that keep me high
You are the ones for which I'll die
Forever we will be
Standing tall, side by side
We're the children of the night"

"So this song is for all of you
By my side, through and through
We'll roam that world true and free
Feeding you the inner beast
You are the ones that keep me high
You are the ones for which I'll die
Forever we will be
Standing tall, side by side
We're children of the night"

"The storm we ride
Side by side
You keep me high
For you I'll die
Through the storm we ride"

And with that, I settle back and rest on my ample... laurels.

Take THAT, arch-Villainess.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 8:40 PM

SUCCATASH

Dude, I'm glad I didn't give you Maniac's cell phone number. Please join the new Fox Universal Club of Kindness. You'll be happier, and you'll get your own horse-head on a stick! You can jump around with it between your legs and stuff.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 9:00 PM

ARCHER

You're just jealous because I got my own thread.

Can I make 'neigh' sounds as I jump around?

----------------------------------------------------
The Fox Universal CLUB of Kindness is really more like a very dull axe, as we all know.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 9:23 PM

SUCCATASH

LOL. Sure, just make sure to bow whenever Sarahetc looks at you. Otherwise, no one cares if you make horse sounds.

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 11:02 PM

DEFENDER82

Archer is an evil minion of Satan. It is beyond being a sumbitch. He is a limb of evil second only to Niska. He has taken my tenderest feelings as a neophyte author and trampled them to dust beneath his heavy hobnailed boots. He is "a horrid, evil beast as an editor and he always make me cry and stuff."

Besides he has impugned the honor of Canton, Ohio which (and I know from personally having visited there and heard it with my own ears) actually has a symphony orchestra. Not a good one but an orchestra, nonetheless. (See mom that money wasn't wasted on law school, I can use nontheless in a sentence!)

Honor must be avenged, only more of more of Cafferty and friends will assuage our thirst for blood!!!

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Thursday, May 29, 2003 11:09 PM

KOFFEE

I've only had tequila once, but I was already so schnockered that I don't remember it having a taste. I remember the taste of salt and lime though...

And come to think of it, the last time I was around anyone drinking tequila, was my first introduction to "body shots" last year. Guess who the body was.

Any gal here ever have to take her bra off in the bathtub because you didn't want to get salt all over the floor?

----------------------------------------------
“It's a real burn, being right so often.”

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Friday, May 30, 2003 12:34 AM

ARCHER

D-82- Second.

SECOND?

Alright, how many ears do I have to cut off to get some respect around here?

I've tortured my in-laws before, for MUCH less provocation.

And I don't use some fakey accent and jackassed grammar to seem all menacing. I just say "Ah'm gonna have to whittle on you some, fella, don't you wiggle none." and it communicates perfectly clearly.

When I'm really feeling like threatening somebody, I say "That's it. You ain't gonna talk, well then. Ah'm gonna sing Dancin' in the Dark."

Which, when pronounced properly comes out "You can't start a faaaahre, you can't start a faaaahre without a spark, this gun's for haaaahre, even if we're just dancin' in the dark!" Kinda has a bluegrass sound when I do it.

As for the editing biz... how many times do I have to tell you to try to inject some gorram accuracy into your work? I wear the new model combat boots, thank you. Not a single damn hobnail in them. Rookies!

Take somebody under my wing, try to gently inspire them to greater heights, and they say I'm second.

(On a side note, I've gotten queries about when you're gonna put up the next story. Your audience is demanding more product, ma'am.)

(Another side note: The new combat boots are as nifty as advertised. Lightweight (for combat boots) breathable, snug and comfy and wonderous things.)

As for the whole thing in Canton, the less spoken of that, the better. I'll tell you one thing, I'm never hauling another load from the Federal Mint down there to Canton for as long as I live.

(In fact, I'm not hauling any loads from the Mint these days. Gorram over-reacting bastards.)

Koffee- Hmm. Must've been too busy torturing in-laws and missed that show. Damn.

----------------------------------------------------

Shan Yu was an amateur.

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Friday, May 30, 2003 11:29 AM

SARAHETC

Quote:
Originally posted by Succatash:
LOL. Sure, just make sure to bow whenever Sarahetc looks at you. Otherwise, no one cares if you make horse sounds.

Still trying to figure out what this means.

Sarah.

p.s. Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.

I'm a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams. ---Neko Case

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Friday, May 30, 2003 11:41 AM

ARCHER

Quote:

Quote:
Originally posted by Succatash:
LOL. Sure, just make sure to bow whenever Sarahetc looks at you. Otherwise, no one cares if you make horse sounds.

Quote:
Originally posted by Sarahetc:
Still trying to figure out what this means.

Sarah.

The mind fairly reels.

I'm bowing, but you just can't see it.

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Friday, May 30, 2003 1:32 PM

SUCCATASH

Sarah, Archer said, "Can I make 'neigh' sounds as I jump around?"

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Friday, May 30, 2003 4:56 PM

SARAHETC

Quote:
Originally posted by Succatash:
Sarah, Archer said, "Can I make 'neigh' sounds as I jump around?"

Yeah, but what does that have to do with bowing to me?

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Friday, May 30, 2003 4:58 PM

SARAHETC

Quote:
Originally posted by defender82:
Archer is an evil minion of Satan. It is beyond being a sumbitch. He is a limb of evil second only to Niska. He has taken my tenderest feelings as a neophyte author and trampled them to dust beneath his heavy hobnailed boots. He is "a horrid, evil beast as an editor and he always make me cry and stuff."

It's okay, honey. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster.

Sarah

I'm a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams. ---Neko Case

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Friday, May 30, 2003 5:16 PM

DEFENDER82

You noticed that too!

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