TALK STORY

Guide to the Clubhouse / Treehouse / Sereni-Tree Threads

POSTED BY: THEREALME
UPDATED: Friday, August 15, 2008 00:47
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:49 PM

THEREALME


PLEASE DO NOT POST HERE!

This is NOT a Clubhouse / Treehouse / Sereni-Tree Thread.

This is the GUIDE to the Clubhouse / Treehouse / Sereni-Tree Threads. ALL of them.

Now, on to business…

-----------------------------------

The Clubhouse…

The Treehouse…

The Sereni-Tree…

Our past. Our history. It is... complicated.

We are a group of people who have banded together for the purpose of being silly, of exercising our imaginations, of having fun. We take turns writing about our adventures in a rather bizarre shared universe. Over time, we have had many members and have occupied a long succession of threads. But the threads are still out there if you are so inclined to track them down and read them. I will list them all. I will try to keep everything up to date as new threads are created.

I plan to make one post per clubhouse thread. The threads that I count as actual clubhouse threads I will put in capitals and assign numbers. Peripheral threads will also be included, threads which I think might have some bearing on Our Heroes, but which are not part of the actual story.

In my summaries, I will put down events that I thought were most fun and interesting. Since I find myself fun and interesting, my own antics might be strongly featured here. Well, if you don’t like it, start your own thread!

Uh, no. I mean, I will be happy to accept additions and corrections.

To avoid confusion, I ask others to not post here. Any comments or corrections are welcome, but please e-mail them or message them to me through this site, or post on whatever the current clubhouse thread is at the time.

Thanks, all. I hope you have fun here. I certainly do!

Oh, and almost anyone is welcome to join us in our current thread!

This thread is dedicated to all of the folk who play on the Sereni-Tree, but especially to Mal-licious, who kept asking for it! Mal-licious, I suspect that by the time I am up to date with the current thread, it will be your birthday again! Happy Birthday!

---------------
Edited Feb 26, 2006, and afterward for updates:

I felt the need for a more compact summary of our adventures than exists here in the Complete Guide. What follows is a list of the major plotlines (with thread numbers) involving the Clubhouses, the Treehouse, the Sereni-Tree airship, and the Sereni-Tree starship. Also, I have included the first appearances (and subsequent re-appearances) of various members of our crew. Note that many former crew members have been omitted, as I wanted to concentrate on the folks that we have now.


THE CLUBHOUSES, THE WAR BETWEEN THE SEXES, THE WOMEN'S MINIONS, A GREAT FRIDAY NIGHT PARTY (1-3)
Ebonezer (1), ThatWeirdGirl(1), Malicious(1), Elwoodmom (1, disappears, reappears infrequently), Jake7 (1-3, then disappears until 12), Static (2, then disappears until 11), SoulOfSerenity (2, then disappears until 19), Monkeytail (3, then appears infrequently, returning 31), TheRealMe (3)

THE TREEHOUSE, THE THREE SWITCHES WAR, PSYCHICRIVER’S KIDNAPPING, THE BEST ICE CREAM, THE INVASION OF THE ELDRITCH HORROR INOLA TEG FROM THE PURPLE DIMENSION (4-6)
Mai (4), PsychicRiver(4), SimonWho (4), TheGreyJedi (4-6, then disappears until 11), Rat (6)

BUILDING THE AIRSHIP, THE SEARCH FOR EBO, THE GALA PAGEANT OF CROSSDRESSING MEN, BIZZARE DRESSES, MAI-QUEST1 (7-11)
Montanagirl (7), The Seven Brides (8), Cozen (8), TheFemaleReaver, TheGreyJedi and Static (both return in 11)

THE LOVE BOAT, REAL PHYSICS, KIDNAPPING AND RESCUE, RAT’S MENTAL WARD (12-13)
Jake7 (returns in 12)

BUILDING A STARSHIP, TALKING LIKE PIRATES, THE MUTINY OF RAT, THE COZEN STAR CLUSTER (14-15)

RUKUS, BDH CLONES, A BEACH PARTY WITH VOLLEYBALL, ESCAPE FROM RUKUS (16-18)
Needleseye (16)

BLACK DIAMOND SKI RESORT, THE FEMALEREAVER HUNT, YETI, GIANTS, ANTS, RE-HUMANIZED COZEN, ESCAPE FROM BLACK DIAMOND(19-21)
Bride1 and FemaleReaver (both slain and put in cryo), CallMeAth, Lissa, SoulOfSerenity (returns)

RETURNING TO EARTH-THAT-STILL-IS, THE SECOND MUTINY OF RAT (22-23)
CallMeSerenity, MollyTheParrot, Emma, Nugget the Meteor Troll

BIRTHDAY AT THE ORIGINAL CLUBHOUSE, ENEMY INVADERS ATTACK (24-25)
Jazaf, Malicious disappears until 39, Bluefishie? XanderLHarris?

THE DARK SOUL, FIGHTING OUR EVIL SELVES, THE TWO SERENI-TREES (26-27)
Bluefishie? XanderLHarris?

DANDELIONS, THE PIFFLEPONY RACE, SOUL’S FIREFLY, A REAVER ATTACK (28-30)
Piffle101, CastIronJack, SafeAt2nd

THE MADNESS OF ARKHAM, CLONES DISSOLVE, SOUL’S WAKE, THE RETURN OF THATWEIRDGIRL (31-33)
Monkeytail (returns), Noskillz, SoulofSerenity (until 32, then departs until 35), Phantom

MAI-QUEST2, PIRATES, NEW ARRIVALS, BOROS DEALS-TUNNELS-STREETFIGHTS-RESCUE, THE OCEAN CLOUD SCAM, THE EVIL DOLL, DEFENDING SERENI-TREE (34-41)
Citizen, LightMeDark, KellyofLuthien, ScorpionRegent, Jadehand, Seryn, ItsAWash, SoulOfSerenity (returns again), Malicious (returns in 39) McQ (41), Aprilise aka Shadow and Ghost(41)

PICKING UP THE PIECES, PSYCHICRIVER STEALS HIS DAD'S TARDIS AND HEADS FOR ELSEWHEN, SHOPPING TRIPS ON GARRISON AND COMMERCE, SOME PERIL, QUINCEY KIDNAPPED BY A CHINESE TONG, SERENITY CAPTURED BY HEINZ, DARING RESCUES, S.E.P. DEVICE INSTALLED IN SERENI-TREE, TOO DAMN MUCH PERIL! (42-46)
BeautifulDisaster (42); WitchOfTheDog; WashsYoungerSexierBrother (44)

THE SECOND GALA PAGEANT, FAIRIES, THEREALME TAKES COMMAND AND PERFORMS A MARRIAGE, BIRTH OF SERENITY AND SOUL'S BABY, BIRTH OF SIMONYETI (47-49)
Malicious returns again, and leaves. Lissa returns. Faeries join.

MAGIC WORLD OF THE ZANZIBARBARIANS, GIANT FIRE-BREATHING SPACE CHICKENS, THE IMMORTALS, THE OCTAGONAL ORDER, THE PROPHESY OF THE DARK HARBINGER, THE LUC-MONSTER, RECOVERY OF BRIDE1, PSYCHICRIVER RETURNS FROM ELSEWHEN! (50-54)
13 (50); TheGreyJedi returns!!! (54)

MAI-QUEST 3: QUEST TO THE OLD WEST (55)
BrownCoat2007

THE RETURN OF FEMALEREAVER IS THE NEXT BIG THING! THEN THE PERIL OF THE RAID ON REAVERWORLD TO GET SPARE PARTS (56-57)

THE THIRD ANNIVERSARY PARTY AND OUR BAND! (58-59)
Montanagirl and Malicious visit!

POTTER CLONES AND BACK TO ZANZIBAR (60-61)
Harry Potter clones; Mobbex, Oram, Tatertot, and Leopardflan

WE MEET NEW FOLK AND OLDTIMERS VISIT; DOCK AT PERSEPOLIS 8; FOURTH ANNIVERSARY; SKIING WITH YETI (62+)
Malicious and Ebo visit. The Malicious Golem; Trip and Aiko


IMPORTANT NOTE: During summer of 2008, Haken changed the format of thread names (no doubt to fight off internet reavers). I will eventually fix them, but all you need to do to access a broken thread is to use "mthread" in place of "thread" in the name.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:50 PM

THEREALME


1) THE I AM NOT A GUY CLUB
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=5439

In the beginning, there was Ebonezer. Ebo was a girl (still is), but because of her alias, she was the subject of a great deal of gender confusion. This annoyed her greatly, so she formed the “I Am Not a Guy” clubhouse. She was joined by Mal-licious, CageyBee, Jake7, Delia, ThatWeirdGirl, KarenKay99, Fred1988, Elwoodmom, Annik, TallGrrl, and a number of other females. While CageyBee could light a pilot light, TallGrrl could reach lightbulbs, and Ebo could drive a tractor (even an EVIL tractor), there was some problem with ants and spiders. They debated their charter, whether it was to be “women in opposition to men,” “women who just got together for girly stuff,” or the original idea of “women who were being mistaken for men”.

Anyway, Gunhand (who was most certainly male) offered to build the ladies virtually anything they wanted. He constructed a sauna, a jacuzzi, and I believe the entire original clubhouse. Often he was working (and sweating) in the hot sun on the roof, clad only in a manly kilt and his strategically placed leather tool belt. The ladies gathered outside in lawn chairs to watch, sipping their drinks. Some dispensed with chairs entirely and lay on the ground on pillows, looking up, for a “better view”. These activities would earn Gunhand the distinction of being the Minion Supreme, not to mention gaining him the undying affection of all the ladies.

After the clubhouse of the guys got started (see thread 2), there were a couple of raids back and forth, such as when SoutherSlayer took the plasma TV and all light bulbs from the girls’ place. These were recovered, though the remote was put through a blender “by accident”.

A shocking feature of this thread was when Elwoodmom (who has since been an icon of propriety) taught CageyBee how to pole dance! Mom!

This thread ended with Gunhand still working and sweating on the roof, and the first cabana-boys being gathered up and put to work.



PERIPHERAL THREAD:

“the Fireflies”
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=5389
This is not a Clubhouse thread, but it shares many people in common with them. CageyBee started a band called “the Fireflies”. This thread deals mostly with gathering members and claiming instruments to play. It also includes mention of the band’s one only gig so far, which occurred near the end of THE FORGOTTEN “NOT A GUY/GIRL” CLUBHOUSE.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:51 PM

THEREALME


2) THE I AM A GUY CLUB
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=5448


Soon after Ebo started the “I Am Not A Guy” clubhouse, SouthernSlayer formed the “I Am A Guy” clubhouse to oppose it. It seemed to be founded upon the time-honored male principles of Sports TV, cigars, pizza, beer, belching, and scantily clad women. Its members included SoutherSlayer, Browncoat1, Static, Werzbowski, SoulofSerenity, AthertonWing, BadgersHat, ECGordon (sometimes known as “Eggy”), Mantichorus, and several others.

The dual clubhouses ran concurrently, and great rivalries flared between them. A war between the sexes ensued. Various items were stolen back and forth from each clubhouse, including a nice plasma TV.

At times, a few of the women (Annik, Elwoodmom, and CageyBee) took turns coming over to belly dance for the guys. The ladies were attempting to entice some of the men over to their clubhouse to help Gunhand with the numerous construction projects. Mal-licious cleaned the guys’ bathroom once, simply because she thought it was getting too disgusting.

This thread ended when SoulofSerenity brought in a truck and unloaded replacements for all the stuff that had been stolen, plus a grill, more beer, and the entire Dallas Cowboy Cheerleeders squad. He then planned to see to the security systems in an effort to curb theft.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:53 PM

THEREALME


3) THE FORGOTTEN “NOT A GUY/GIRL” CLUBHOUSE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=6084

Next came the “Forgotten Not a Guy/Girl Clubhouse,” as it was resurrected by Mal-licious. Apparently, time had passed and the ladies had won the war between the sexes. The males from before, even Gunhand, were nowhere to be seen. Still, most of the ladies of the “Not a Guy” clubhouse were there. They spent their time reclining in hammocks and sipping their drinks (complete with little umbrellas), while their enslaved, nameless cabana-boys rocked them, fanned them with palm fronds, and fetched them more drinks.

At one point, a cabana-boy apparently ran off with a hat-check girl. Then other cabana-boys sneaked off, and the clubhouse faced a severe labor shortage. Hammocks stopped rocking. The ladies had to fetch their own drinks. A suggestion was put forth by Mal-licious that the remaining cabana-boys be made into eunuchs, but this did nothing to solve the labor shortage; for some reason, it made things worse! Neroli and Delia protested Mal-licious’ idea, since the ladies of the clubhouse might require other services than drinks and hammock-rocking. To answer these protests, Annik directed Neroli and Delia to a “special” website that sold various useful items.

Present during this time was Ebonezer, Mal-licious, ThatWeirdGirl, Annik, HellsKitten, Neroli, Delia, Fred1988, CageyBee, Jake7, and Elwoodmom. The last of the self-proclaimed cabana-boys (but not a eunuch) was Monkeytail.

Then TheRealMe (also not a eunuch) arrived, performing minioning services for a time, but always with an eye toward the future, a world of Star-Trek-like enlightenment, where males would be accepted as equals into the society of females. To help with the workload, he constructed the Mechana-Cabana-Boy 3000, a robot otherwise known as “Sparky”. Toward the end of this thread was a marvelous party one Friday night, which included TheRealMe, ThatWeirdGirl, Ebo, and Ebo’s muppet friend: InTheShinyCircusLife. TWG introduced us to the concept of Pepsimilk. We also had guacamole punch, courtesy of Sparky. During that night, Ebo rocked on her guitar, which counts as the first and (so far) only performance of “the Fireflies”. In the days soon after, orders were placed for numerous “Nekkid Jaynes” and Ebo invented her nickname for TheRealMe (ie, “You”). Also during this time, TRM created the “Whack-a-Fox-Executive” game (it’s like a Whack-a-Mole game, but more fun). Apparently, everyone got so tired playing this game that the thread died out. Again, time passed…


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

The Second Holiest Day Of The Year
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=7965
This celebrated Mal-licious’ birthday, and was where many of us described both the sucky and great things in our lives.


One Of An Infinite Number Of Actual Futures
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8029
A bit of weirdness by Zoid that I really liked.


Taking Zoid’s Advice
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8041
BadgersHat tries to form a harem. This is where the rivalry between Zoid, BadgersHat, and The Real Me really got going over the affections of Mal-licious. This thread explains The Real Me’s one-time appearance in a Kaylee costume or his green hands or both.


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:54 PM

THEREALME



4) THE I’M AM NOT GOING TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT THE DELAY CLUB!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8073

There came the announcement that the movie “Serenity” would not be shown in April of 2005, but in September! But Ebonezer was “not going to be depressed about the delay”. She built a new clubhouse, a Treehouse this time. Many of the old hands returned, including Ebo, Mal, and ThatWeirdGirl. However, Jake7, CageyBee, Elwoodmom, and many others seemed to be absent.

Chronos joined just long enough use an easy bake oven to bake some tiramisu (WHATEVER it is, it’s apparently delicious!). Shw joined, became our crazy bartender, and made us a flag! TheGreyJedi joined, and spent nearly all his time in a lawn chair on the roof, watching the stars, tinkering with his home-made trebuchet, and sipping the beverage of his choice. Grey made liberal use of his MacGuyver-like superpower of creating technological marvels out of random piles of junk. PsychicRiver joined, and took up knitting and acting crazy. BethyB also joined the knitting club. Zoid did not actually join the Treehouse, as he was too drunk to make the climb up the Tree, but did open his Pub at the Bottom of the Tree, where Tree-housers often went for refreshments and philosophy.

Fireflooziesuzie ran in, breathless, with harem pants, finger cymbals, veils, and everything! She started the dancing girl thing with Mal-licious and TWG. Dacute1 brought strawberries, and joined the dancing.

There was a friendly debate among Zoid, TheGreyJedi, ThatWeirdGirl, Tethys, Nedward, Fireflooziesuzie, and Shw over American beer vs British beer vs Oriental beer, and exactly which of these was most equivalent to “pisswater”.

TheRealMe arrived via his newly discovered superpower of inter-dimensional portal creation, and used this power (and his faithful robot Sparky) to help move in all significant furnishings from the previous clubhouse. From somewhere, he found a bar. TheRealMe delighted ThatWeirdGirl with his discovery of an alternate reality where Pepsimilk is bottled. He also folded space inside the Treehouse to gain its members more living room.

We settled in. A rivalry developed between Zoid, BadgersHat, and TRM over Mal-licious’ affections. Mal-licious got jealous when TheRealMe rocked Ebo in a hammock and waved his green hand at her.

There were other folks, PotempkinVillager, Browncoat1, SgtGump, Tmurrie, and JRC, but they really didn’t do much or stay long.

Then came the time of the Three Switches War. Our Fearless Leader Ebonezer bravely led us against the tyrannical oppression of the vile… uh…. Okay, Ebo got bored and wanted to attack something. Anyway, a number of us, including Ebo, ThatWeirdGirl, Shw, PsychicRiver, and TheRealMe invaded a thread that was busy discussing what the Three Switches above Wash’s pilot station do. In our defense, that thread was getting rather silly. We went to do battle using rubber-band guns, squirt guns, knitting needles, and the like. From his position on the roof of the Treehouse, TheGreyJedi acted as supporting artillery for our invasion, launching huge globs of Spam from his trebuchet (the first documented use of Spam as a weapon). As ammunition, it was handy, since TheGreyJedi for some reason had 42 metric tons of it in our storage rooms. The Three Switches thread was defended almost single-handedly by a brave, crafty, and resourceful individual. His name was SimonWho. In a final show-down over the possession of the Flag That Shw Made, ThatWeirdGirl narrowly defeated SimonWho in a Simon/Kaylee struggle, and returned to the Treehouse with our Flag (but SimonWho made her cry).

When peace broke out, SimonWho was invited to join us in the Treehouse, and he has remained ever since as our doctor. Oh, yes, and he can destroy entire planets.


PERIPHERAL THREAD:

I know what the Three Little Switches Do
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8098
This is the thread upon which Ebonezer declared war and where we first met SimonWho in honorable combat. Later, PsychicRiver was kidnapped here.


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:55 PM

THEREALME


5) THE FASTER LOADING TREEHOUSE! (JUST FOR MANIAC)
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8127

Ebonezer created a Faster Loading Treehouse to celebrate the end of the Three Switches War. TheRealMe went off to other dimensions looking for more Pepsimilk (which it turned out Shw liked as well as ThatWeirdGirl).

Soon after, PsychicRiver was kidnapped. Shw discovered the cryptic note that was left behind. PsychicRiver was rescued from captivity back on the Three Switches thread by Ebo, ThatWeirdGirl, and Mal-licious. The kidnapper was never identified, but some remained suspicious of SimonWho for a while afterward. SimonWho, of course, was indignant in a way that only the truly British can be. Shw threw a party for PsychicRiver’s return. Ebo sulked, wanting her own party.

ManiacNumberOne joined the Treehouse, and kindly fixed things up for us. He added a sky-light and invented numerous butterfly-shaped solar collectors to hover above the Treehouse and provide for our growing power needs.

With a gush of seawater, a dimensional portal of TheRealMe opened, dropping him (clad in a scuba suit) into the common room. He had returned with more Pepsimilk AND pop-rocks. This started a general discussion about candy. SimonWho good-naturedly informed us that British candy: caramels, crunchies, flakes, snowflakes, and the like, were FAR superior to American candy (though he allowed that America still had the edge in pizza). Scones were also provided, but NOT fruit-filled ones! Never! SimonWho also provided a large selection of Xbox, Gamestation, and Playstation-2 games.

An argument arose between Shw and Nedward over who would be the bartender. Perhaps Shw was a bit harsh, and perhaps Nedward over-reacted. In any case, Nedward erased all his posts and departed. Shw offered an apology, but to no avail.

Mai and her cats joined us from her place in lurkerdom, bringing with her a 42” widescreen TV, a DVD player, and some copies of the boxed set. AND she brought a trampoline, which we thought to put at the bottom of the Tree to provide us a quick escape route. Mai didn’t want to stay all by her lonesome, so PsychicRiver invited her to join him and his cat Annabelle. ManiacNumberOne promptly got his tools and some lumber, and built a wall unit for Mai’s new gifts.

Ebo actually tried Pepsimilk, beloved by ThatWeirdGirl and Shw, and proclaimed it to be THE DEVIL. She slapped it out of SaffronFan’s hand before TheRealMe could hand one over.

Mal-licious reminded TheRealMe about their upcoming date at a Maryland Home Depot.

TheGreyJedi and Tethys were around the Treehouse. Mantichorus, SaffronFan, ImZoe stopped by.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:56 PM

THEREALME


6) THE NEW FASTER LOADING TREEHOUSE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8185

Mal-licious proposed that we have one continuous slumber party/sleepover until the opening of the Serenity Movie. PsychicRiver agreed that this would be a great idea, especially with a trampoline room adjoining the common room, but then he got distracted and wondered where his knitting partner BethyB had gone.

ThatWeirdGirl, TheRealMe, SimonWho, and Ebonezer started a new game, one combining Twister and Calvinball as played in the show. Mai sat on the sidelines for a time, cheering them on. Mal-licious wrote a note for Mai, excusing her from work in real life so she could spend more time in the Treehouse.

ManiacNumberOne continued his hard work as the handyman of the Treehouse. While adjusting his butterfly solar collectors, he discovered that the Tree is of an unknown species. He and Mantichorus tried to decide on a name. As soon as it is named, it is in danger! Robinhood stopped by, threatening to apply a chainsaw to the Tree. Mai warned him that the Tree was chain-saw proof, but it turned out to be a joke; it was a plastic chainsaw.

We were wondering whether to play “cowboys” or “pirates”. Then Mal-licious urged everyone to go to a particular site to get a pirate name. A number of Treehousers did so, and start talking like pirates, including Shw, ThatWeirdGirl, SimonWho, Ebo, PsychicRiver, and Mantichorus. “Arrrgh, me matey!”

Mai started singing “The 12 Days of Christmas, Faster Loading Treehouse Version”. Others joined in. Lots of kissing happened under a mistletoe by the bar. SimonWho suggested that we build a swing off of one of the branches of the Tree.

When PsychicRiver wondered if the Treehouse would have a Christmas Tree, SimonWho tied PR up to a stake and decorated him with tinsel. Ebo put a star on top of the “tree”. ThatWeirdGirl filled the M&M jars with only red and green, changed the pool table to a billiard table (only red and green balls), and hung up a Santa hat. Ebo was somewhat traumatized by the change of her pool table nest. SimonWho provided paper chains, and candy canes to hang from the “tree”. Shw, apparently in a humbug mood, declared the area around the bar a Christmas Free Zone.

Folks went away to celebrate Christmas. After Christmas, SimonWho returned to the Treehouse to find, with some chagrin, that nobody had untied PsychicRiver! SimonWho asked if there was a doctor in the house, then realized that he was one. Shw bounced in to help, dressed in a nurse’s outfit. Luckily, an injection of M&Ms revived the patient.

A New Years party was arranged, with (perhaps?) another performance by “the Fireflies”. SimonWho locked ThatWeirdGirl in a dancing cage, but thankfully she already had her go-go boots on. Mal-licious was also locked up. However, when TWG pointed out that Mal-licious would be unable to play her rain-stick for “the Fireflies,” SimonWho let them out, and finally untied PsychicRiver. Dancing commenced! Copious amounts of alcohol were consumed! PotempkinVillager returned from other celebrations, but was a bit too tipsy to climb the ladder up to the Treehouse.

The next day, Ebo arrived. She discovered that she had been so keenly missed that someone (SimonWho?) crafted an Effigy of Ebo, a lifelike statue to take her place. Some revelers thought it had actually been Ebo, and had danced with the Effigy the night before. PsychicRiver defaced the statue, altering its gender with a magic marker. As was said… copious amounts of alcohol were apparently consumed.

Then TheRealMe returned from his latest extra-dimensional trip, somewhat injured and batting away purple tentacles with a handy pool cue while he closed a portal behind him. He had made a terrific new discovery: Ice Cream from the Purple Dimension. It was fabulous stuff, which tasted like the favorite taste of the eater. It even went well with Pepsimilk! Everyone loved it.

But suddenly, amidst the laughing and celebration, PsychicRiver shouted a warning, grabbed his cat, and dove under the pool table. Others follow suit.

Sadly, it seemed that the creators of this Ice Cream wanted it back. A huge rip in reality occurred in the common room of the Treehouse, and some massive purple tentacled monstrosity lurched through. It was Inola Teg, otherwise known as IT, Eldritch Horror From the Purple Dimension. It attacked the Treehouse inhabitants viciously. The robot Sparky was torn to pieces as it tried to protect Ebo. The Treehousers escaped to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree, mostly through the use of many dimensional portals of TheRealMe (who was exhausted afterward).

Ebo bemoaned the loss of her Treehouse, her pool table, and her ice cream. Almost in answer, the pool table crashed nearby. Then a tub of ice cream landed. Jubilation!

At the bottom of the Tree, the Treehousers discussed the matter, and tried to plot how to retake the Treehouse, which was at that moment being vandalized above. Everyone revealed his or her superpower, and various ideas were discussed and discarded.

Finally, it was ThatWeirdGirl who climbed up the ladder, alone at first, determined to deal with the problem. TheRealMe protested, but soon followed after her, certain of their doom. When TWG met IT in the common room of the Treehouse, TWG unleashed, for the first time, her superpower of Confusion. She confused, then befriended IT. TheRealMe was caught in the backlash of this power, and remained goofy for some time after. Ebo was called up to the Treehouse, since she can communicate with any creature. A deal was made with IT whereby the Treehousers could import the ice cream in exchange for M&Ms and other items, and Inola Teg departed.

In the aftermath of the Inola Teg incident, the Treehouse was in a shambles, and required many repairs. Since Sparky had been destroyed, TheRealMe took the Effigy of Ebo, inscribed some characters upon its forehead, and animated it as the Ebo Golem (all those years of fantasy role-playing games were finally being put to good use). TheRealMe collected several bucketfuls of Sparky and got to work repairing him. The real Ebo did not react well when she first saw the Ebo Golem.

It so happened that PsychicRiver had established a mental link with ThatWeirdGirl before she confronted IT, but his mind apparently could not handle the Confusion. He lay on the couch for a time, drooling and being tended by SimonWho. Among other remedies, PsychicRiver received an infusion of IT’s blood, which eventually woke him and GREATLY boosted his psychic ability.

While Zoid replaced a keg of beer in his Pub below, PsychicRiver was practicing with his new powers at the time. But when he used telekinesis to move the pool table wreckage back up into the Treehouse, he accidentally dropped an 8-ball on Zoid’s head. “The outcome is doubtful”.

We talked about Patty Duke, and of the days before they put color in the television. And how Sam Gamgee is the son of Patty Duke and Gomez Addams!

Mai returned to the Treehouse, having missed all the excitement of the alien invasion!

Gojiro and Wiccanslyr, who met TheRealMe in Cincinnati, stopped by during the thread and said hello. Gojiro promised to name his next rock band “The Faster Loading Treehouse”!

TheGreyJedi was never seen conscious in this thread, and he would not be seen again for some time. ManiacNumberOne seemed to go missing, after this thread as did our bartender Shw. In fact, I don't believe that Shw has been seen since Inola Teg appeared and tried… to… eat… us… all… Hmmmmm…

The last new person brought into the Treehouse was Rat.


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

Psychicriver And Mai’s Room!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8194
When we were deciding on roommates in the Treehouse, PsychicRiver and Mai decided to team up.

The Mistletoe Thread
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8261

They Might Be Giants
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=8334

A thread about Rat’s favorite band.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:57 PM

THEREALME


7) MUCH FASTER LOADING, FLOATING TREE HOUSE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8548

An idea ThatWeirdGirl came up with was that we would have a “floating” Treehouse. It took a while to work out the details. During this time, Rat got settled and found a place for his extensive rootbeer collection and then he proceeded to ask lots of questions. Meanwhile TWG and SimonWho talked of “drilling cats”. Mal-licious demanded that our floating Treehouse float on AIR, not water, as she has a tendency toward seasickness. That, of course, made things somewhat more difficult.

Many of us got to work turning the Treehouse into an air-ship. PsychicRiver used his newly enhanced telekinesis to lift the Treehouse out of the Tree and set it into a new framework. TheRealMe tinkered with ManiacNumberOne’s floating butterfly-shaped solar collectors and turned them into reactionless thrusters. He also modified one of our video game consoles to serve as the ship’s controls. Down in the boiler room, he crafted a permanent dimensional portal to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree, so we could always return there no matter where we traveled. Next, we needed a name. Rat offered one of his precious rootbeers with which to christen the ship, but TRM “accidentally” drank it. After we all spent some time thinking up a name for our new floating air-ship, Mal-licious grabbed a (long since emptied) bottle of booze and smacked it across the bow, christening our new vessel the Sereni-Tree. By then, all that was necessary to shove off and explore the world was our captain.

But Ebonezer was nowhere to be found.

After a time of waiting patiently, TheRealMe donned his pirate outfit (taking up a long coat, three-cornered hat, cutlass, and black powder pistol), announced that he was assuming command of the Sereni-Tree, and was ready to face any challenge to his authority. When no challenge occurred, he proclaimed that the first mission of the Sereni-Tree would be “The Search For Ebo”. Almost immediately, CageyBee (a long-lost clubhouse member) arrived, announcing the triumphant return of Ebonezer! Ebo came aboard the Sereni-Tree in her own impressive fashion. Satisfied at the successful completion of his first mission, TheRealMe surrendered the ship to Ebo (as well as the cutlass and the three-cornered hat, which she thought was cool), then accidentally shot himself in the foot. While SimonWho tended to the injuries of TRM, Ebo and Mai played pool, and the Sereni-Tree lifted off on its numerous butterfly-shaped reactionless thrusters and headed off in a random direction.

To commemorate Ebo’s return and the launching of our new air-ship, our Fearless Leader announced the start of the contest that would become the Gala Pageant of Cross-Dressing Men. The rules? The Sereni-Tree’s men would have to dress up in frilly or slinky dresses and impress the judges, who would be Ebonezer, Mal-licious, and CageyBee. ThatWeirdGirl took up the job of Mistress of Ceremonies.

Around this time, TheRealMe used one of his dimensional portals to bring the FemaleReaver aboard the Sereni-Tree, having accidentally created her in a Thread Dedicated Strictly to Mal-licious by means of a magical wish-granting plank (see peripheral threads below). He used the Ebo Golem to restrain her and took her off to a Hannibal-Lector style prison room. He also brought back the dangerous magical wish-granting plank and hid it.

Men scrambled to find dresses. TWG helped. We picked up some new arrivals: BadgersHat (who was trying to construct his own harem), CosmicFugitive, and Montanagirl. BadgersHat considered forgoing the dress in favor of a manly kilt (since it worked for Gunhand) and a 54” claymore broadsword. That or else a leopard-skin thong. A blue feather boa was given to Rat. Rat refused the boa, but was later seen wearing it. Soon it was discovered that there were TWO Rats: one with boa, and another hiding under pool table. Perhaps there was a dimensional portal accident? Or a cloning accident?

CageyBee created the Pillow CageyBee to help out. This was a magically animated servant made of fabric and stuffing. Then, in preparation for the contest, the regalia for the winner was created or acquired. Mal-licious and CageyBee fought over these items, until Mal grabbed away the “Miss ‘Verse” sash and bonked CageyBee on the head with the scepter.

Ebo put on slinky dress, announced the start of the contest, then started spinning (for hours).

While CosmicFugitive and BadgersHat both filled out the entry forms, they really didn’t participate much. When CosmicFugitive knocked himself out behind his bed, ThatWeirdGirl dragged him back and he spent the rest of the pageant in an unconscious state. This put him somewhat at a disadvantage. SimonWho (SimoneWho?) made himself disturbingly glamorous and REALLY seemed to get caught up in the event.

To help him prepare for the contest, TheRealMe took the Ebo Golem and one of the Rats to help. Once alone, he had the Ebo Golem grab this Rat, and then he pulled off the Rat-mask. It was that master of disguise, the FemaleReaver, who had almost escaped! She was locked up again, while TheRealMe put on his protective attire of numerous floating magic black ribbons.

However, just when the contest seemed to be coming down between SimoneWho and TheRealMe, a dark horse candidate literally dropped in. He fell from a passing helicopter, destroying numerous butterfly thrusters and crushing the pool table. And so, Cozen entered our lives and the pageant, and it seemed possible that he might actually win.

Then came the talent competition. TheRealMe used his space-folding powers to demonstrate his skill in free-fall acrobatics. SimoneWho sang the alphabet backwards and baked up some crème brulee. Cozen repaired the pool table, knitted some garment, and was getting a Kaylee blow-up doll ready for a dance.

Zoid and Aramina stopped by to view part of the Gala Pageant, but for some reason did not stay long. Most likely they went back to Zoid’s Pub my means of the permanent portal in the boiler room.

To be continued….



PERIPHERAL THREADS:

A Thread Dedicated Strictly to Mal-licious
There were two: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8209 and
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8594

These threads were started in a vain attempt to get Mal-licious to stop hi-jacking other threads. The former was where TheRealMe accidentally created the FemaleReaver by means of a magical wish-granting plank. The latter introduced the chocolate-river-digging machine and orbital weather control lasers.


An Intervention (for) Mal-licious
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8652
This thread is where some of us marveled at Rat’s hubris in trying to restrain Mal-licious while we fearfully awaited the coming of “Mal-mageddon”.


“Do you remember KGB?”
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8568
Talk of missing browncoats. Also the “Miss ‘Verse” regalia is made or acquired for the Gala Pageant of Cross-dressing Men on the Sereni-Tree.



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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:04 PM

THEREALME


8) THE TREEHOUSE GALA PAGEANT THAT LOADS FASTER
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8663

When we advanced threads and ThatWeirdGirl was giving a summary of the previous one, she mentioned that the judges were being plied with brides of all kinds (my italics). Mal-licious protested, saying that she did not wish to be smothered with all that white satin, lace, and pearls. She suggested that the contestants should try money, instead, to influence her vote. ThatWeirdGirl meant BRIBES, of course, but it was too late. Seven young women, the Brides, joined the crew of the Sereni-Tree.

Unfortunately, Montanagirl had received a minor injury due to TheRealMe’s talent exhibition in the previous thread. He was most apologetic, and gifted Montanagirl with one of his magical black ribbons that would protect her from anything dangerous by batting it away. She wore it as a headband and later kept it in a glass of Pepsi, where it seemed to thrive. For a time, she had fun getting folks to toss objects at her (TRM tossed, among other items, Rat), and she ended up enjoying a nice game of ping pong with herself.

Meanwhile, some of the ladies among the crew were apparently getting bored and started inventing bizarre dresses. There was the leaf dress of Mai, the saran-wrap dress (minus the gum) worn by CageyBee, and the aluminum foil dress worn by both CageyBee and ThatWeirdGirl.

The Gala Pageant continued. After the talent portion of the contest there was a minioning portion (where TheRealMe’s previous experience in the Not a Guy/Girl Clubhouse paid off handsomely), and there was even a time for insipid speeches full of good will and saccharine. During all of this, Cozen tried bribes of fancy sashes and alcohol to get the judges on his side, all the while making numerous cell phone calls to his under-paid minions to acquire them.

Then a case of over-minioning combined with a series of freak accidents resulted in the incapacitation of both Ebonezer and CageyBee. As the last remaining conscious judge, Mal-licious proclaimed the winner of the Gala Pageant to be… HERSELF! We handed over the sash, crown and scepter to Mal-licious and congratulated her on a well-deserved victory. She positively BEAMED during her flawless victory speech.

Due to the blunt head trauma associated with the series of freak accidents, Ebonezer lost her memory. TheRealMe, in a moment of weakness, reminded her that she was the Queen and Goddess named Mal-licious. Hilarity ensued. Doctor SimonWho, still in his glamorous dress, frantically attempted to resuscitate… The Ebo Golem. Ooops. They look SO alike.

We started considering our next course of action. One of the possibilities was a contest of bizarre dresses. In addition to the ones described earlier, ThatWeirdGirl tried the trampy look when she put on black boots, a short leather mini, and a red lace bustier. MontanaGirl wore her floor length silvery slinky elven dress, complimented with an Evenstar necklace, silver dangly earrings, and… black cowboy boots.

Unfortunately, by this time Mai’s leaf dress had started to wilt. She became concerned about over-exposure when the leaves turned brown and started falling off. She went alone back through the dimensional portal to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree to collect more leaves from the Tree. Sadly. Cozen had already engaged in some good-natured sabotage of this device (to get materials to build our first jacuzzi), and the portal malfunctioned. Mai was sent somewhere else… or somewhen else. She was LOST! By the time her absence was discovered, there was no easy way to track her. In fact, TheRealMe had some difficulty shutting down this portal, as it had a wobble in four of its eleven dimensions.

CosmicFugitive re-appeared out of nowhere in a torn red dress covered with paint and was put in the care of a couple of Brides. When had HE disappeared? TheRealMe, afraid that reality was being over-strained, relaxed the dimensional folding inside the Sereni-Tree. The North and South Wings of the ship were unfolded to become coincident with the East and West Wings again.

Apparently still caught up in the recent pageant, Cozen was unable to stop bribing folks, so he offered to make MontanaGirl a pair of snakeskin boots. Cozen called his underpaid helicopter pilot, got picked up, and flew off in search of a snake.

To recover Mai, MontanaGirl and TheRealMe assembled a rescue party, consisting of themselves, ThatWeirdGirl, Bride1, and Ebo-licious. With authority, Ebo-licious commanded that the search begin. TheRealMe concentrated on Mai, and used his powers to open a dimensional portal to her, wherever she might be in the multi-verse. Our Heroes stepped through the portal, which started Mai-Quest. The events of “The Sereni-Tree Crew on Mai-Quest” take place at this point. See the next thread.

After the return of Our Heroes from the successful completion of Mai-Quest, ThatWeirdGirl began to practice her “wiles” on SimonWho, who had carefully placed himself to be bowled over by her as she jumped back through the portal.

While others stared on wistfully, ThatWeirdGirl sang a song about how to catch a man: about girls having to “be feminine”, be sweet and demure and never to voice an opinion of their own or offer any disagreement with their man.

Mal-licious, it so happened, voiced some disagreement with this philosophy.



PERIPHERAL THREAD:

What’s the story behind Mal’s Firefly interest?
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8688

This thread begins as an honest discussion about why Malcolm Reynolds, with one look, fell in love with what would be his ship. However, it was quickly hijacked by Mal-licious and… well…


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:05 PM

THEREALME


9) THE TREEHOUSE CREW ON MAI-QUEST
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8710

From the Sereni-Tree, TheRealMe with his hi-tech squirt gun, ThatWeirdGirl with her trusty hula hoop, Montanagirl with her protective magic black ribbon, and Bride1 with her katana stepped through the dimensional portal of TheRealMe, signaling the start of Mai-Quest. Ebo-licious with her Red Bell (or Ball), followed later, but quickly turned into Ebonezer with a machete. On the other side of the portal, Our Heroes found themselves in a jungle in The Land of The Lost.

Surprisingly, Mal-licious was somehow ALREADY in the Land of the Lost at the Jurassic Beauty Barn, ordering her pet Sleestaks to give her manicures. She tried to avoid the notice of the rest of Our Heroes.

Mai woke to find herself in a strange jungle place, and was soon attacked by prehistoric butterflies! She ran behind a boulder to hide, but the boulder started moving! And so Mai found her new pet, Frederick the dinosaur, and met Cozen, who independently parachuted in by helicopter while hunting for snakes.

There were dinosaurs and other strange creatures, including “Emily Bronte”, some creepy and violent Sleestaks, a native boy named Chaka that ThatWeirdGirl befriended (and who gave her some kind of green glowing holo-crystal), and a pair of fearsome Tyrannosaurus Rexes. TheRealMe blasted the first with his hi-tech squirt gun. Mal-licious kept the second from charging (by stealing its credit card) and then Cozen talked it out of attacking. Also, TheRealMe discovered that the butterflies that attacked Mai were of the same species as the butterfly thrusters, apparently native to the Land of the Lost, so more were acquired.

During their adventures, Our Heroes had left Bride1 to guard the dimensional portal back to the Sereni-Tree, but she was overpowered by some dark entity which then moved onto the ship to hide. SimonWho had been guarding the Sereni-Tree side of the portal, but not terribly well, apparently. This sinister entity was the Dark Soul, which would plague the Sereni-Tree in the future. In any case, Our Heroes returned through the dimensional portal, accompanied by Mai, Fredrick, Cozen, and a number of dinosaur eggs.

Ebo and Cozen next pondered… waffles!


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:05 PM

THEREALME


10) THE SERENI-TREE CLUBHOUSE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8736


Both ThatWeirdGirl and Montanagirl (as her apprentice) practice their “feminine wiles” upon TheRealMe, taking turns feeding him bites of fruit-covered waffles. TheRealMe discovers that he has no defense whatsoever against this attack, but that doesn’t seem terribly important to him.

But TheRealMe makes the mistake of telling TWG that she is “wrong”, and she quickly departs for the company of SimonWho in the sauna. TRM was referring to her song in the previous thread about a woman giving up her personality for her man, but perhaps he was insufficiently clear about what he meant. In any case, Montanagirl claims to have won the contest of wiles, and there is no disagreement.

Ebonezer appears to offer sage wisdom. ThatWeirdGirl sings The Ebo Song. TheRealMe attempts to explain his earlier statements, but nobody seems to care, so he decides to fight Ebo for the remaining waffles. Sadly, by this time Ebo has eaten them all!

Mai arrives to point out that Fredrick is a boy dinosaur, so wonders where we have been getting the dino eggs? (Actually, they were T-Rex eggs from the mated pair we encountered.) Then she suggests that we continue the pageant of bizarre outfits, but wants to try something original and new. TheRealMe offers the idea of a gown made entirely of living butterflies. She likes the idea, and goes off to change, but has a little trouble getting the new gown on. TheRealMe whistles and his trained butterflies fly in to take up their positions all over Mai’s body. She likes the bizarre gown. It is slightly ticklish, but kind of nice.

In return for pancakes and waffles, SimonWho showers us with scones, complete with real butter, whipped cream, and home made strawberry jam (though not scones of the fruit-filled variety, as SimonWho is into the purity of the scone, and fruit-filled ones apparently are abominations). He also brews tea. Cozen sings The Scone Song for us.

Rat wakes up, wondering what he missed. When told, what he wanted most was an apricot scone! Ebo wakes up too, and offers to fight TheRealMe for scones. But TRM doesn’t care, since, in his experience, it is no co-incidence that “scone” rhymes with “stone”. SimonWho offers a description of a “true” scone that makes any mouth water. TRM proceeds to fight Ebo for the scones. Ebo dashes back under the pool table with an entire plate and barricades herself there with cushions.

Cozen delivers to Montanagirl some brand-new spiffy snakeskin boots, made from that Jurrasic snake from the Land of the Lost. In helping her tug them on, he accidentally falls off the floating air-ship and into the ocean. After admiring her new boots, Montanagirl throws Cozen a floatie.

Having heard tell of the “wiling” that occurred earlier in the thread, Elwoodmom stops by to offer motherly advice about the “birds and the bees”. “Not another speech!” Mal-licious rolls her eyes into the back of her head. (Mom doesn’t like that kind of attitude, young lady!) TheRealMe assures Elwoodmom that, considering his luck with women, there was absolutely no danger of anything happening like THAT! Ebo gets all excited about Mom visiting, grabs her by the wrist, and proudly shows her the pillow cushion fort under the pool table. Mom pats Ebo on the head and gives her approval. Ebo beams.

It being close to Groundhog Day, SimonWho wonders about the accuracy of using rodents to predict weather. TheRealMe assures him that it will be 100% accurate as soon as his orbital weather control lasers are perfected. As a rodent himself, Rat is overjoyed to find out that he can forecast the weather.

Montanagirl has a bad day (which included the breaking of her truck’s door) and requests “a gorram joke”. A number of us attempt to comply. This leads to SimonWho feeding ThatWeirdGirl a number of cream pies (with his strong arm from across the room). Ultimately, Monty Python saved the day.

It is at this time that TheRealMe realizes that Cozen has been drifting in the ocean below, holding onto his floatie, for days. TheRealMe reels him in.

There is talk of Superbowls and rooting for sports in general. Then about the devices to watch them on. Then about devices to watch Firefly on… But the TheRealMe reminds everyone that our plasma TV was damaged during the invasion of Inola Teg, and in fact is still leaking plasma, and our couch is now splinters. Rat gets a mop and begins repairs on the TV. Cozen starts cannibalizing parts of the Sereni-Tree in order to make a new couch.

Rat has SOME success. But the picture is displayed upside-down... until he flips the TV over! Montanagirl suggests a second TV, so she can yell at NASCAR off by herself. TheRealMe considers folding space to make a duplicate Common Room (with TV) attached to the Common Room.

As she eats the last scone, Ebo turns off gravity with a thought and wonders if physics is getting a bit iffy in the Sereni-Tree. Rat overhears this remark, heads down to the boiler room in the lowest levels of the Sereni-Tree and pushes the Big Red Button marked “Physics”. The first thing that happens is that Ebo stops floating, falls, and breaks the new TV.

TheRealMe realizes there is a larger problem when the Sereni-Tree starts unfolding throughout all its higher dimensions. Soon the doors leading to the North, East, and South wings open on empty air (those wings were always just the West Wing folded over on itself twice). The Ebo Golem becomes an ordinary statue again. Then, one by one, the butterfly reactionless thrusters supporting the Sereni-Tree stop working and start dropping on TheRealMe’s head. The entire Sereni-Tree starts listing to port, and TheRealMe fears it might drop out of the sky.

Since the entire Sereni-Tree thead is based on superpowers and improbable science, our happy little un-reality begins to unravel as real-world physics re-asserts itself. TheRealMe rushes down to the boiler room to turn real physics OFF before it is too late!

Of course, the loss of control of the butterfly thrusters have a drastic effect on Mai’s new butterfly dress! She dives under the couch, naked.

Cozen picks this time of chaos to implement his nefarious scheme. From his under-paid helicopter pilot friend, he receives “the Chair”, a cargo of sensuous supplies, and large quantities of alcoholic and chocolatey foodstuffs. Then he proceeds to kidnap Montanagirl and takes her to a fortified position under the pool table, the very fort built by Ebo. He binds her to “the Chair”with silken bands, and begins his pleasurable torture.

Mal-licious wants to go to the crappy thread where she can be kidnapped like that.

There follows a really good quote from Cozen:

“Who's kiddin'?! Like, I haven't lurked around this site? The lineup for wannabe Mal-L kidnappers transcends the Treehouse thread. There's a waiting list to get into the lineup for lottery tickets to join the pre-screening lineup for the auditions to play the role of shoe-shiner for all those in the lineup to buy the camping gear necessary to survive the lineup to the shuttle carrying lineup hopefuls to withing two galaxies of the Milky Way substation which caters specifically to passengers heading in the general direction of the Sol system.”

The astounding result of this comment was to evoke a measure of MODESTY from Mal-licious.

Next, the massaging of Montanagirl begins.

By this time, TheRealMe is in the boiler room, exhausted after having run down several flights of stairs and barely turning physics off in time to save the ship. However, Reality is still strong in the Sereni-Tree, and will be for some time as conditions slowly return to abnormal.

Rat seeks out TheRealMe there and tells of Cozen’s kidnapping of Montanagirl and suggests that they get organized in order to… kidnap Mal-licious! TheRealMe reminds Rat of his folly during the “Intervention for Mal-licious” thread where Rat almost brought down Mal-Mageddon. TheRealMe then scolds Rat for enabling real physics, and shows how he (TRM) cannot open dimensional portals of any great size until imaginary physics have time to regenerate. The Big Red Button of Physics is made safe behind several layers of warning signs and barriers.

But TheRealMe remembers the last kidnapping, when PsychicRiver was taken off to the Three Switches thread! He decides to save Montanagirl with whatever meager resources are left to him! Those don’t amount to much, but he realizes that the trebuchet on the roof should still work fine to sling Spam at the helicopter of Cozen’s friend. He takes Rat with him to the roof.

Unfortunately, the trebuchet of TheGreyJedi was made using Grey’s MacGuyver-like scrounging superpower. As soon as TheRealMe pats the trebuchet fondly, latent Reality causes it to collapse into the random piles of junk it originated from. TheRealMe consults with ThatWeirdGirl, who happens to have been sleeping in Grey’s lawnchair on the roof. It seems that the only weapon left to him is Spam. TWG insists that SPAM IS NOT A WEAPON! It is either food or art!

Art? Yes, it appears that ThatWeirdGirl is a champion Spam-carver. Art? Perhaps.

Food? Well, TheRealMe choses not to debate this point with her.

Rat considers that he could help build a pneumatic launcher that would be more efficient than a trebuchet, anyway. The pair sneak into the cargo bay to grab all the Spam they can carry, then retire to TheRealMe’s workshop to invent the very first Spam-slinging guns. In TheRealMe’s quarters, they note the furniture and possessions of other folks that were deposited there when the other Wings dimensionally collapsed into the one space they all shared.

Meanwhile, Ebo finds a naked Mai hiding under the sofa. Mai wraps herself in an afghan, but cannot find her room since it was in one of the disappeared wings now co-located with the West Wing.

It turns out that Cozen and Montanagirl are DOING WELL! So well, in fact, that TheRealMe and Rat are concerned that she is being brainwashed! That is perilous. They decide that it is TOO perilous for MG to face! They grab their Spam-guns, put on holocaust cloaks (pockets loaded down with cans of Spam), and head off to begin the great Battle for the Pool Table, cloaks billowing dramatically behind them as they march silently side by side down the corridor.

TheRealMe and Rat enter the Common Room and take cover behind couches and the bar. They start firing their weapons, and Spamic carnage ensues! From his fortified position beneath the pool table, Cozen hurls back witty insults and various chocolatey dessert concoctions. His defenses seem impregnable.

After the battle rages a while, TheRealMe rushes toward the pool table while Rat covers him. He strains against reality to open a tiny dimensional portal THROUGH the fortifications, jams the muzzle of his spam-gun into it, and blasts Cozen with his last can of Spam.

Montanagirl is rescued!

Yay!

But Montanagirl doesn’t seem too happy.



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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:06 PM

THEREALME


11) RECOVERY ON THE SERENI-TREE CLUBHOUSE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8836


With the Battle for the Pool Table over, recovery can begin. Not only must the Sereni-Tree’s extra-dimensional folding and other dodgy science be repaired, but there is a LOT of Spam that needs cleaning up. But at least Ebonezer has her nest back! While Ebo is happy to have her nest back, she is somewhat annoyed at its current state.

Whimpering, ThatWeirdGirl falls into a catatonic state. Apparently the Spamic carnage was too much for her gentle sensibilities. Meanwhile, Mal-licious sings the Spam Song. Montanagirl endures her rescue from Cozen’s pleasurable torture, but at least offers TheRealMe and Rat bonus points for the Princess Bride references. Montanagirl takes ThatWeirdGirl behind the bar where she can’t see as much splattered Spam. She gives the oblivious TWG an untouched can of Spam, in hopes that the healing may begin. TWG giggles and begins muttering to herself, rocking back and forth cradling and talking to the precious can of Spam.

A recovered Cozen, still dripping in Spam, offers affection to various of those present. When Cozen thanks Mai for the public nekkidness, Mai protests that it wasn’t really her idea. TheRealMe considers the possibility that Cozen is his evil twin. Finally, Cozen scrapes layers Spam off of his body, shapes it into a vaguely heart-shaped form, and gives it to ThatWeirdGirl as a present.

TheRealMe gives Captain Ebonezer his report, and then arranges for the Common Room to be cleaned by some trained butterfly thrusters and the recovering Ebo Golem. When he discovers ThatWeirdGirl still in her Spam-induced delirium, he feels very guilty. He takes TWG down to the Main Cargo Bay to the stash of 40 tons of Spam that TheGreyJedi left behind. TheRealMe cleans both Spam and tears off TWG, combs the tangles out of her hair, and sets her up on the deck with a blob of Spam and a set of carving and sculpting tools (since she had earlier admitted to being an expert Spam-carver). He puts a bottle of

Pepsimilk next to her, takes a lemonade for himself, and begins his vigil.

SimonWho approves of decorating the Common Room pink for Valentine’s Day, but then notices the texture! He offers some comforting thoughts to TWG. For the first time, he reveals his dimension-bending Blue Box!

Rat takes the Spam floor sweepings from the Ebo Golem and begins to make us some chili!

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, Montanagirl offers minioning services to the various gents of the Sereni-Tree. SimonWho is the first to be massaged into oblivion.

In the Main Cargo Bay, ThatWeirdGirl eventually recovers her senses, and asks for suggestions on what to carve her Spam into. TRM wakes with a start, happy that TWG is coherent again. TRM suggests carving the blob of Spam to look like either a can of Spam, or else into an effigy of Mal-licious. TWG considers a lamb or a herd of beagles. Mal-licious reminds us that beagles have smallish droppings.

TheRealMe gets in line after SimonWho for attention from MontanaGirl, where he proceeds to melt into a liquid form.

There is some talk about lunch at the North Carolina Big Damn Movie Premiere Party (NCBDMPP). ThatWeirdGirl volunteers to chaperone Ebo.

Talk somehow turns to food in general, and of Spam. SimonWho describes some odd gold-flecked British foodstuffs. Then TWG and SimonWho start playing video games. Later Ebo joins in as Calvinball Twister is begun. TWG adds pie-throwing to the game rules.

ManiacNumberOne pokes his head in to put in some multi-level super slides (no doubt this is the origin of the slides in the water park). TWG eagerly tries one out, but hurtles off into thin air as she realizes it’s not completely installed yet. Luckily, SimonWho grabs her before she can fall far.

We then ask ourselves important questions: Coke or Pepsi? Mike or Joel?

Montanagirl starts looking at our Chinese Zodiac signs, since they were talking about such things on Mal-licious’ “sheep” thread. Rat and TRM are rats. TWG is a dragon. Montanagirl is an ox. Luckly all are compatible. Maniac is an Ox, perhaps? Cozen says he is a “bore”. SimonWho a snake. Mal-licious is a rabbit. Ebo discovers that she is a dragon, which she thinks is “soooo effen cool!” KaySky joins us, announcing that she is a dog (still on the Chinese zodiac)

Rat notices the pool table is missing, and TheRealMe, startled, arranges to bring it back from the "ARE YOU F*%KING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" thread concerning the desecration of the Warner Brothers cartoon characters. TRM creates a dimensional portal, and with much effort drags the pool table about half way through. He asks for a hand to move it. Rat produces a plastic hand. (HAR HAR). Ebo rolls her eyes, then helps TRM.

TheGreyJedi returns (last being around in the days before the Inola Teg invasion)! He surveys the ruin of his once-impressive Trebuchet. Grey starts rebuilding it as the Mighty Righteous Trebuchet, while Rat sings a longer version of the Spam Song. Rat wants to help with this construction project, but TGJ says no! ThatWeirdGirl supplies Grey with bits of twine and some old M&Ms, which Grey’s MacGuyver superpower can make into Trebuchet components. In return, TWG becomes Tippy the Riveter! TheRealMe apologizes for the destruction of the original device. Grey accepts his apology, then invokes the Machine God of Mars, and lots of steel. The new Trebuchet will STAND! TRM suggests that if TGJ is a techpriest of Mars, couldn’t he make cooler weapons than a trebuchet? Like a plasma cannon?

Static arrives at the Sereni-Tree, landing his AH-64A Apache helicopter nearby. He strolls jauntily into the Sereni-Tree, his jumpsuit zipped down to a not quite scandalous level. Static has not been seen in the threads since the days of the “I am a Guy” clubhouse. He sweeps TWG into his arms, dips her low, and kisses her. She responds enthusiastically, and they both end up on top of the pool table. TWG deploys her handcuffs. They move off to snuggle together on the big-ass leather couch. Static calls for a Guinness from Grey.

Witnessing the couple’s antics, Mal-licious suddenly decides that she needs a cigarette, even though she doesn’t smoke. TWG suggests that she might need to borrow the cigarette later herself, and asks for somebody to cover Ebo’s eyes.

Meanwhile, Cozen lunges from behind the big-ass leather couch and pours an entire drum of icy Gatorade upon the pair. Static merely remarks that TWG is now wearing a WET flimsy tank top, and the Gatorade is icy cold! He thanks Cozen. The mutual licking begins.

TheRealMe offers Cozen a drink and co-miserates with him. He warns Cozen not to get between a war hero and a member of his harem.

Meanwhile, TheGreyJedi has completed work on the Mighty and Righteous Trebuchet, Hellacious Armament! MaRTHA, for short! He next uses his MacGuyver powers to cannibalize Static’s helicopter into a massive cannon, Ballistic Enormous Ranged Tactical Hellacious Armament, BERTHA.

The Sereni-Tree’s phone rings. Ebo answers. “Uh huh. Uh huh. He’s a little busy right now. Well, okay.” Then she covers the mouthpiece and yells…

“Static! It’s your WIFE!”




PERIPHERAL THREADS:

ARE YOU F*%KING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8883

Discussion about the desecration of the Warner Brothers’ cartoon characters. But what is Ebo’s pool table doing there?


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:07 PM

THEREALME


12) THE SERENI-TREE “LOVE SHACK”!!!!!!!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8950

TheGreyJedi finishes BERTHA and sets her on the roof beside MaRTHA. Then he creates a floating control chair with HUD display, controls for both weapons, and a cupholder for the very last Guiness. This is the origin of his hovering engineering command chair of later threads. Grey takes up his accustomed position on the roof of the Sereni-Tree airship.

After the antics of Static and ThatWeirdGirl, Ebo examines her pool table for… uh… “damage”.

TheRealMe is annoyed that the title of the new thread refers only to the two luckiest of the Sereni-Tree’s inhabitants. However, he does promise to share the DVD royalties with the pair. It seems that he took the liberty of setting cameras up at various angles around ThatWeridGirl and Static. However, he will require a lot of time editing the images… weeks… months, maybe. (TheRealMe will be in his bunk.)

TheRealMe goes to the roof to try to convince Grey to let him fire one of the new weapons… or at least watch. Ebonezer, ever drawn to explosions and destruction in general, joins them on the roof. She thinks leaving the Common Room is prudent in case that area suddenly acquires an NC-17 rating and she is forced to gouge her eyes out. Grey remarks that she’s likely to lose an eye in the test firing, anyway. Montanagirl joins them. She is honored to have MaRTHA named after her, and wonders if we can throw a cow with MaRTHA. Grey informs her that cows only work with catapults, not trebuchets.

Getting into the spirit of the new thread’s title, SimonWho shares with us a number of things that HE loves.

Puffing on his cigar and sporting a maniacal grin, Grey pulls a trigger. A deafening explosion splits the air as BERTHA launches an impossibly large shell into the stratosphere. TheRealMe starts whistling his approval and applauding until he wonders what Grey was aiming at. Grey chews on the end of his cigar, still grinning like a madman, and giggles. “FOOOSHIFOOOM!!!” In orbit high above, “Niska’s skyplex exploderizes into a bajillion flaming chunks”. TheRealMe resumes his clapping, and is joined by Montanagirl. SimonWho hopes that the explosion got Niska too, else he might come looking to pay us back some day.

Then Grey slips a pair of darkly tinted goggles over his eyes, spits out the cigar stub, and cranks up the power level on BERTHA to full. Sparks flare, and the cannon is outlined in light as the hum builds greatly in volume and frequency. Grey slams his fist down on a huge red button and…

…nothing happens.

Rat grumbles, saying he should have been allowed to help Grey earlier. TheRealMe puts on dark sunglasses, just in case.

Meanwhile, Static and ThatWeirdGirl continue their activities. Static takes the Guiness and TWG, and “drinks deeply of them both”. Static wonders if Mal-licious will give them a thread hijacking diploma. Mal-licious reminds them that this is the Love Shack thread and that Static is shacking up with the lovely TWG. That IS the topic of the thread, so no hi-jacking went on! TWG argues that the “shacking” began in the previous, “recovery” thread. In any case, TWG decides to go take a shower to get all the Gatorade sticky off her. She points out to Static that she got some handcuffs from Kaysky, but not the key! Static smiles wickedly as he is led off by TWG (they are cuffed together) and wonders if he gets to help with all the “fun to reach” spots.

Jake7 arrives, mouth open in amazement at all the changes that have occurred since she was last around in the days of the “Forgotten Not a Guy/Girl Clubhouse”. She looks around for some food. Rat offers her a rootbeer.

Ebo describes a dream where someone in it asks if she wants to meet the real me, and she laughs and says that she already knows him! At that point, she realized that it was just a dream.

ManiacNumberOne points out that it is good when you realize that you're in a dream, because you can take control of it. “On that note I have decided to use the solar butterflies on the roof to power a new dream-enhancing device. Check it out!” He unfurls a tarp on the third level of the treehouse, revealing a willywonkaesque machine with strange and various pumping vats, turning gears and colorful twirling barber-poles. In the middle of the conflagration is a chair. “Who wants to go first?” There are no immediate volunteers.

Grey is still cackling madly when a gigantic bolt of energy FINALLY erupts out of BERTHA, tearing through the fabric of reality, causing an earth-shaking sonic boom, and shoving the Sereni-Tree backward and downward some considerable distance. “Oh HELL yeah!” he adds. Numerous butterfly-shaped reactionless thrusters emit a high-pitched whine, then burn out and fall to the deck as they attempt to hold the Sereni-Tree steady against this impressive force. After observing the firing of BERTHA, TheRealMe removes his now-smoking sunglasses, and chides TheGreyJedi for ignoring safety precautions. Grey shows obvious contempt for the damaged butterfly thrusters.

Grey wonders what to build next. Ebo suggests a padded sex room. Ebo sits on her pool table to observe ThatWeirdGirl and Static (after they return from their shower?). Kaysky joins her with the popcorn and wonders why Static and TWG need a key for the cuffs. Grey quickly whips up an autokey that can open anything, and then starts thinking about designing a mecha.

Into the Common Room, Cozen brings Mai’s pet dinosaur, Frederick, that he has been dino-sitting. Cozen says that no handcuff key is necessary as he coaxes the beast to chomp the chain between Static and ThatWeirdGirl, separating them. But Frederick is not finished. Perhaps Frederick has a thing for Gatorade? Cozen: “Dinosaur begins actively sniffing couch athletes. Bellows as only a hungry dinosaur can bellow. Rears up, jaws agape, showing off many rows of really huge and rancid and oh-so-sharp reptillian teeth. Lunges upon our smoochin' twosome!”

Mai scolds Frederick and tells him not to eat Sereni-Tree inhabitants. The inhabitants of other threads, however, are fair game. She wonders if Frederick is cranky because he is lonely, and suggests that we shouldn’t have put all his potential dino-friends into our breakfast omlettes after Mai-Quest. In any case, Mai seems unable to control Frederick.

In a mad dash to escape the mayhem, Cozen jumps up on Ebo’s pool table, tripping, stumbling, and knocking over a huge quantity of hot buttery popcorn, which Frederick seems to like even more than Gatorade! Cozen: “Heh. Damn! Static was putting up such a nice heroic struggle and all. Made all the more poignant by its inevitable doom. Oh. Ya might wanna run for your lives. Or wait to be saved. Who wants to make out under the pool table? Huh? Huh?” Getting no immediate answer, Cozen leaps to safety and runs off, un-gallantly leaving Ebo and Kaysky to their gory and inevitable doom as Frederick attacks… the popcorn.

Kaysky wonders what kind of guy leaves a damsel in distress, and vows that Cozen will pay for this! She starts making a few phone calls to find “a prince, or a knight, or just a gorram manly man!”

As if on cue, TheGreyJedi walks into the Common Room looking for a quick drink. Grey whips out a taser and zaps the ravenously eating dinosaur, stunning it. Then he walks calmly over to the fridge, grabs a 6-pack of Cheerwine and walks back to the roof to work on his mecha design, all the while whistling the Ballad of Serenity.

It is unclear what Static and ThatWeirdGirl do during the dino attack. Perhaps they are too occupied to notice it.

Mal-licious comments: “I don't think physics is the only thing unreal around here! Is it the full moon? I dunno. TGJ is blowing holes in the earth, Cozen is bringing dangerous creatures in to eat everyone up, people are having extra-marital sexual relations in and around the furniture with young Ebo RIGHT THERE WATCHING. With POPCORN no less! I don't know what this tree is coming to.”

It is at this time that Rat hi-jacks the “Love Shack” thread. Outside the Sereni-Tree, it starts snowing. Suddenly, there is a flash of light and the Sereni-Tree’s crew find themselves in a mental ward, some strapped securely to beds, others in straight-jackets, others catatonic. All are staring toward the center of the room at a small snowglobe containing a tree house. Rat approaches, wearing a white lab coat. “Time for your meds!” Ebo struggles in her straight-jacket, wondering how she will eat her popcorn. ThatWeirdGirl sort of freaks out, curls into a fetal position, and starts muttering nonsense.

Meanwhile, TheRealMe wanders down to the strangly quiet Common Room, and notices that the only inhabitant is the unconscious Frederick. He determines that the dinosaur had been hit by some electrical attack, and deduces that the Sereni-Tree is under attack by some outside force! He goes off to prepare, donning his holocaust cloak and readying his Spamgun.

TheRealMe searches the Sereni-Tree deck by deck and eventually comes to the room containing ManiacNumberOne’s Dream Machine. Laying all about the room and hooked to it by wires is virtually the entire crew! Standing at the control console, gleefully rubbing his hands together and looking like a mad scientist, is Rat in a white lab coat! TheRealMe levels his Spam-gun at the Insidious Doctor Rat, and demands that the crew be freed.

The Insidious Doctor Rat emits his best villainous laugh, and taunts TheRealMe. “Bring it on!” Rat says, “I have Spam Blockers!” TheRealMe fires his Spamgun, but the projectiles are deflected. Appropriate cheesy movie dialogue is exchanged at this time. TheRealMe departs, vowing (with accent) that “I’ll be back!” Rat makes an offer to TheRealMe that they could rule the Sereni-Tree together, and then reveals that he is actually TheRealMe’s father! However, TheRealMe never gets a chance to return to save everybody. Deprived of energy from the lost butterfly solar collectors, the Dream Machine sputters and dies. Its captives are freed from their dream world.

Static immediately collects ThatWeirdGirl and they go off together to take (another?) shower together. SimonWho and Static begin a discussion on what is the sexiest part of women in general, and of TWG in particular. TheGreyJedi wants the ship landed so that he can begin his upgrades. Static says he will be ready to pilot the ship in for a landing after he’s done with his shower. TheRealMe wonders exactly when THAT will be, as he has yet to see any indication that Static’s libido can drop below the level of “Urgent Need”.

TheGreyJedi, being bored, frustrated, or both, will have none of it. “Jesus. I gotta take care of this mess. I swear. Can't stay focused on duties.” He hops in the pilot’s seat and takes the Sereni-Tree through some extreme maneuvers that burn out most of the remaining butterfly thrusters. He crash-lands the ship (gently) and explains that he will rebuild the Sereni-Tree better than before, giving it reinforced airtight bulkheads and hyperdrive engines, making it spaceworthy! Until then, however, the ship is grounded. TheRealMe is annoyed at Grey’s recklessness, and refuses to relinquish his position as First Officer to Grey, though he acknowledges Grey is the best choice as Chief Engineer. TheRealMe salvages the few surviving butterfly thrusters, for later use.

SimonWho: “So basically, we just wrote off the entire flying capabilities of the treehouse so that Static could spend a couple of minutes more in the shower with TWG? Actually that sounds about right to me.”

Grey starts working on the upgrades that will turn the Airship Sereni-Tree into the Starship Sereni-Tree.

Rat and TheRealMe get a ball and start playing catch, as father and son. They start working out their “issues”.


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:07 PM

THEREALME


13) USS SERENI-TREE, AKA THE “LOVE BOAT”
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=8972

After some work, TheGreyJedi brings the fusion plant online to power the normal amenities, though propulsion and weapons will take a while to add.

Rat laments that his Mental Ward idea did not catch on. TheRealMe points out to him: “Actually, there are several realities that may or may not be true: 1) The Dream Machine is disabled and we are free. 2) The Dream Machine still controls us and is only making us THINK that we are now free. 3) We are all crazy, in a mental ward, with Rat as our orderly. 4) None of this exists and we are just entering stuff on the internet.”

“However, I firmly believe that ThatWeirdGirl exists, and not as a computer program.”

Rat, seeing “Love Boat” in the title of the new thread, wants to be “Gopher”, especially since the actor who played Gopher was elected to Congress. Montanagirl points out that “Cooter” from Dukes of Hazard was also elected to public office, so Rat has trouble deciding which to be. Montanagirl decides to be Daisy Duke, and thinks they need to find a “General Lee” to drive around in. Rat considers this, and asks TheGreyJedi to build a shuttle out of a red ‘69 Dodge Charger with the Confederate “Stars and Bars” painted on it (and with a horn that plays “Dixie” Montanagirl adds). Grey agrees.

Ebonezer declares her pool table off limits to the activities of Static and TWG. Static suggests that Ebo could probably have her pick of guys from FFF.net if she liked. Ebo considers this and draws a line in front of the pool table. “Alrighty, the line starts here!” TheGreyJedi suggests that we ALREADY crossed the line. Ebo tells Grey to get out of the way of potential line-makers. There is some Warner Brothers antics between Static and Grey. When the protective Grey doesn’t budge, Ebo draws ANOTHER line.

Static and ThatWeirdGirl dry themselves off from their shower, get into matching flight suits, and head off to the Sereni-Tree’s cockpit. He takes a seat and “twg plops down on Static's lap and reaches for the control stick thingy.” Grey reminds them that the engines are still dead, and TWG starts thinking of other distractions.

Mai is confused if we are a boat or a plane or a tree. SimonWho explains, and then jumps to the front of the Ebo line, and suggests that Ebo should be using the Static / TWG couple for guidance. TheRealMe goes up to Ebo’s line, but does NOT cross the line. He suggests that most of the Sereni-Tree’s crew (including himself) are too old to court the young Ebo. Ebo responds by posting a GIGANTIC picture of herself with her new hair color of “Jean-Grey-Red”. Static comments that Ebo is definitely “on the hotter side of tasty” and others agree that Ebo is quite the looker. Indigo especially likes the color. SimonWho backs down from Ebo-courting once he realizes that she is only 16. TheRealMe allows that Ebonezer is (searches for a word that could properly and legally come from a man old enough to be her father) “cute”.

TheGreyJedi lands in the newly-made Shuttlecraft R. E. Lee, and informs Rat that it is ready. TRM asks for two more such vehicles, since Deep Space Nine had three runabouts. This is the origin of the Sereni-Tree’s shuttles General Lee (painted with the Confederate Stars and Bars), General Grant (painted with the Yankee Union flag), and Admiral Nelson (painted with the British Union Jack).

Cozen leaps atop the pool table and sets Ebonezer spinning at an alarming rate, only to plop her in a dastardly fashion into his “Chair of Pleasurable Torture” beneath the pool table. He starts to subject Ebo to “the treatment”. Ebo calls Cozen her hero. Ebo: “Alright! Food and nudity! My two favorite things combined into one whirl-wind adventure.” Cozen draws the curtain under the pool table and asks not to be disturbed.

ThatWeirdGirl gets all big-sisterly with Ebonezer, and asks for “the treatment” to stop. She and Static promise to tone things down a bit, at least to a PG-13 rating. Static pulls the front zipper of TWG’s flight suit up to a merely “revealing” level.

TheRealMe marches toward the pool table, wearing his holocaust cloak and toting a Spam-gun. He tears off the curtain under the pool table, exposing Cozen and Ebo in mid-treatment. TRM is upset at Cozen for his continued kidnapping (has Cozen ever tried to just ask a girl out?), and especially for his continued lack of subtlety (at the very least, Cozen should have disabled or distracted TRM).

TheRealMe averts his eyes as he asks the captain to PLEASE put some clothes on. She grumbles, but wraps the fallen curtain around herself. “Fine, fine. I'll go find some clothes. Sheesh, you people think I'm so innocent. But I'm a thespian. Anyone who knows anything about theater kids doesn't want to know what they do in the dark.”

TheRealMe laments the absence of Elwoodmom.

Cozen advocates Love, not War, and places a flower in the barrel of TRM’s threatening Spam-gun. Then he wanders off to his room in the East Wing, though he leaves behind a ballerina outfit for Ebo. Ebo puts it on and twirls for everybody, displaying the tutu in all its poofy and spandex-y glory. ThatWeirdGirl immediately wants a tutu too.

TheRealMe develops the Three Rules of Kidnapping that will keep him off Cozen’s back: 1) No underage girls. 2) No victims who really object to being kidnapped (so far, they seem to go gleefully). 3) No taking over critical ship areas, like the Bridge, Main Engineering, or the Pool Table. Speaking of the Pool Table, TRM racks up the balls for a long-delayed game with Jake7.

With the new additions to the crew, TheRealMe again folds space inside the Sereni-Tree to get more room.

Static gets ready to pilot the ship somewhere, but TheGreyJedi AGAIN reminds him that the engines are not ready. Grey continues his work.

Cozen returns from his room in the East Wing, dressed in a gleaming black tuxedo with tails! He also wears a top hat, white gloves, and an ascot tie. In a gentlemanly fashion, he gets Static’s approval concerning a dance with ThatWeirdGirl, then he approaches the lady herself. TWG is delighted to dance with Cozen, and she fashions a garland out of plastic bags for her to wear.

Later, Grey returns with very detailed specifications and flight characteristics of the Starship Sereni-Tree, including air-tight armor plated bulkheads, dampening fields, weapon systems, and a variety of propulsion systems, including “…a Gravity Drive, but it still needs testing. Singularity manipulation is dangerous, but if I can get it working properly, travel time between stars will be near zero, regardless of distances.” He adds, though, that it still needs testing, and he doesn’t want us falling into an Event Horizon.

Ebonezer declares that we need an Improbability Drive, too, and asks, “Can I be in charge of shooting things? PleasePleasePleasePlease!!!”

Rat offers a long list of other propulsion ideas.

SimonWho suggests that an Infinite Improbabliity Drive could be used as a weapon, turning our foes into all manner of random objects. But our own possessions might get weird, too. Or US! Then, with the extra room provided in the Sereni-Tree by TheRealMe’s space-folding, SimonWho installs a floating globe of breathable Abyss-liquid for zero-gee swimming. This is probably the beginning of the Sereni-Tree’s Water Park. No, wait. There was already the jacuzzi!

Still clad in her tutu, Ebonezer goes to find her little-used room and discovers her guitar inside. “Now we can have a theme song!” She returns to sit on her pool table, plugs the guitar into its amps, and tunes it.

Debate continues on the Infinite Improbability Drive. ThatWeirdGirl is worried about “Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure”.

Malicious: “SMEF?”

TWG: “Exactly!”

Rat becomes concerned because his son, TheRealMe, is not home in time for dinner and may be missing. Malicious suggests that he’s just playing in a neighboring dimension and will be home soon. Unless Rat beats him regularly. Then he’s probably gone for good!

Indignantly, Rat claims that he does not beat his son. He only wants to beat on Static and Cozen for “dirtying up” this nice clean thread, and he also wants to beat on SimonWho, though he doesn’t know why.

SimonWho: “That's probably because I denegrated all ‘rednecks’ in one of my blogs. …my apologies for the upset but you can virtually beat me up if it makes you feel better. Come on, I can take it. Get it out of your system.”

*WHAP*

”Ouch! That really hurt! Good grief, it's definitely going to leave a mark.” *cries in corner*

Meanwhile, the classy ballroom style dance ends with a long drawn-out note on the cello, and Cozen lightly kisses the hand of ThatWeirdGirl. Cozen turns to face SimonWho and… “cozen is enveloped by an ethereal wave. He is transformed into a group of blinding stars, which twirl at maddening velocities, then speed off beyond Grey's trebuchet out into space. Within moments, cozen becomes a new constellation, invisible to the naked human eye, having alighted at his new home on the Perseus Arm.”

It is the theory of TheRealMe that the Universe simply could not accommodate a polite and gentlemanly Cozen, and so took drastic action! Or perhaps it is a malfunction in the Infinite Improbability Drive. In any case, Cozen will not be seen again in human form for some time.

ThatWeirdGirl bows to the empty space that used to be Cozen, hands Ebonezer all her old sheet music in an orange folder, and starts dancing with Static. Ebo, still sitting on her pool table in a tutu, switches to a soft, melodious tune on her guitar.

There is more talk of Rednecks, and Rat and Ebo start singing Redneck songs (with one Contellation song thrown in the mix to honor the departed Cozen). Static sings a Gaelic song that could be our theme song. ThatWeirdGirl reminds us that we already HAVE a theme song, and she sings it. (Where did it come from?) Montanagirl LOVES TWG’s theme song

MontanaGirl takes a room in south wing, because that is where the hanger bay is. This is so she can practice sliding over the hood of the General Lee.

Rat keeps looking around for TheRealMe. ThatWeirdGirl suggests that Rat start a new thread, and maybe Rat will find TRM there. He gives that a try.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:08 PM

THEREALME


14) THE VOYAGES OF THE STAR SHIP “SERENI-TREE”
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9009

Rat starts a new thread in the hopes that he will find his son, TheRealMe, there.

After resolving some crew positions, a dimensional portal opens in the Common Room and a large number of slimy purple tentacles drop TheRealMe on the couch. He tries to clean his slimy glasses on his slimy shirt, as he announces his return from a trip to the Purple Dimension for more special ice cream (and also some 7-packs of bottled Pepsimilk he picked up along the way). He reports that M&Ms are a big hit in the Purple Dimension, except, of course, for the fact that the inhabitants would like to see some purple ones. TRM has returned with a cue-ball so he could resume his game of pool with Jake7, but like everything else (including TRM’s clothes, hair, and skin) it is colored purple! After he takes a quick shower, they begin their game. It is during this game that TRM announces that he will one day make a thread that lists all of the clubhouse threads, with links even! Imagine that!

TheRealMe whines about Rat being so over-protective. After all, “I was just off with some friends, hopping across a few dimensions.” But when he rolls his eyes and gets an attitude, Rat sends TRM to his room! Grounded! Jake7 is annoyed at having their game interrupted, and suggests that TRM sneaks out his window.

Grey announces that he is done with the starship modifications to the Sereni-Tree, and decides to get to work on his mecha.

Mal-licious wants the shuttle that smells nice and has all the pretty hanging things.

Static and ThatWeirdGirl adjourn to the cockpit to try her out! They buckle themselves into their control stations, and Static calls for Captain Ebonezer to give the word! She gives the word (which, as it happens, is “word”) and the Sereni-Tree flies off to the stars! After breaking atmo, Static suggests that TWG sit somewhere more comfortable, and so she unbuckles her harness and hops into his lap.

Montanagirl tells a lovely, tear-jerking story about why she names cows after stars.

Jake7 knocks on TheRealMe’s room, advising him NOT to sneak out his window at this time, as they are in outer space. Through the door, he tells her to go back to the pool table. When she gets there, Jake7 sees the top half of TRM sticking up out of one of his dimensional portals (which is oriented parallel to the floor). He chalks up a cue, explaining that Rat really can’t complain, since TRM is actually standing in his own room right now!

Rat, annoyed at TRM’s loophole in his punishment, considers enabling real-world physics again. Montanagirl ties Rat up, worried that the large hanger bay might unfold from its higher dimensions and squash her brand new General Lee. In a panic, TRM hops out of his dimensional portal, jumping up on the pool table and scattering balls everywhere. He complains that if real-world physics returned while he was part-way through a portal, he would be sliced in half!

Rat asks what OTHER punishment could be applied to TRM. Montanagirl says that having Rat as a father is punishment enough! Rat agrees, and slinks away in shame. He is called back, and embraced by TRM, who promises to give up research on how to overcome the Grandfather Paradox.

SimonWho comes back through time with some HD-DVDs from the future, including Lost Season 5 (they should have met up with Gilligan and crew MUCH sooner!) and he mentions that Episode III is crap, but that shouldn’t be a surprise. Mal-licious suggests that Ethan is the love child of Gilligan and Maryann.

Jake7 AGAIN despairs of ever playing a game of pool. TheRealMe reminds her that we recently got a new pool table, so the older holo pool table must be around somewhere, and that can be dragged to his room. They find it, but it is heavy. Jake7 asks if TRM has any more tricks up his sleeve. He smiles, and from his sleeve, TRM pulls some of the few surviving butterfly reactionless thrusters. He attaches them to the pool table to make it weightless, and moves it using one finger.

TRM suggests to Ebo and Static that the Sereni-Tree head for the cluster of stars that used to be Cozen to try to establish communication.

Ebonezer stomps into the Common Room, cursing profusely. She goes to sulk under her pool table. It seems that our Captain is having… boy trouble! ThatWeirdGirl and TheRealMe go to comfort Ebo. In conjunction with Ebo’s blogs, we first learn about… Ice Cream Guy. TRM goes to the kitchen and brings Ebo Ice Cream from the Purple Dimension. TheGreyJedi suggests that Ebo could have fun, but should not even think about any kind of relationship until college.

ThatWeirdGirl, Montanagirl, Mai, and Ebo begin to talk about a lifetime of spinsterhood. Ebo: “Come on guys, let’s think positive! We'll always have our creepy internet boyfriends and the warm glow of the computer screen to keep us warm at night...”

TWG: “Static is not a creepy internet boyfriend. I’m a creepy internet girlfriend.”

SimonWho offers hugs for everyone, and suggests that he is available to be a creepy BRITISH internet boyfriend, with accent, distinctive spelling, and everything!

Ebo gives a ten-point list of sex advice for girls, reportedly from Laura Bush. It is hilarious, but somewhat lacking in scientific accuracy.

Rat, outraged at the fun poked at the 1st Lady, declares a MUTINY!

Quote:
Static wrote:
**Raises an eyebrow and smacks a few buttons on his console, securing the cockpit and sealing many sections of the ship from each other (Yes, Jeffries tubes and everything. This isn't gorram "Star Trek"). He locks out any auxilliary control systems and seals and de-pressurizes the launch bay, removing any access to additional craft. He then shuts down all weapons and prepares to seal and jettison any turrets if the need arises. He then flips on the Tree-wide PA system**

Your attention please, your attention please. General Quarters. All personell, we are at general Quarters. All crew please report to your duty stations at once. All stations will be sealed in 45 seconds.


Static floods Rat’s section of the ship with nitrous oxide. The laughing commences, except for Rat himself, who deploys his gas mask.

ThatWeirdGirl takes advantage of the isolation of her and Static from the rest of the crew.

Montanagirl realizes with alarm that she has no duty station, and runs confused in circles until she falls down.

Floating in his command chair down in Main Engineering, sipping on his Cheerwine, TheGreyJedi raises an eyebrow at the Christmas tree of alarm lights that have suddenly come on.

From his room where he was playing pool with Jake7, TRM uses one of his dimensional portals to get to his duty station on the Bridge (and invades the Static/TWG love fest). TRM is laughing insanely, having gotten a whiff of the laughing gas. He tries to get Static to locate the Captain, but instead he collapses in a giggling fit, pointing at the cuddling couple. Meanwhile, in TRM’s absence, Jake7 clears the table, then falls to the ground, laughing.

Quote:
Static wrote:
**Smiles at Rat's image on his monitor and then smiles up at his beloved**

I think he's had enough. I'll turn the gas off now.

**punches the gas control switch, which breaks off under his hand**

Oh. . .ummmmmm. . .yikes. No worries!! I'll just cut the main flow off with this old-fashioned, hand-crank, comedically large relief valve!

**crosses to the comedically large valve and begins to slowly turn the wheel, which promptly breaks off in his hands and Static and TWG can hear loud hissing sounds of gas escaping through every vent except on the bridge.**


TRM laughs uncontrollably at Static’s antics, wiping tears away.

But as soon as the nitro hits the fusion drive, the ship lurches forward, reaching Ludicrous Speed in no time!

SimonWho takes this opportunity to go back in time and swap President Bush as a child. Ooops!

Quote:
Ebonezer wrote:
Anyways, I'm more awake now, whats this about a munity?

*Ebo looks around* Oh right. I see that we're having one.

Easily solved.

*Ebo finds some chalk and draws a line on the ground, just in front of the bar. She makes sure all the booze, ice cream, and scones in the joint are on her side of the line and makes an announcement over the PA*

Everybody on my side, please step over this line. Everybody not on my side, well, you guys can just stay over there and be sober.

Ebo considers changing out of her tutu, thinking that might be the cause of Rat’s lack of respect.

TheGreyJedi doesn’t really care who the captain is, and declares Main Engineering to be as neutral as Switzerland. But he DOES care that the nitro is causing the ship to move too gorram fast! Shut off the nitro!

Ebo and Rat take turns using chalk to continually draw and redraw which section of the ship belongs to each of them. Ebo senses victory when she gets all the bathrooms into her section.

At this point, Rat starts trying to bribe the crew and win them over. He explains the fine points of his plan using sock puppets, which wins Montanagirl over. She decides that they are pirates, and puts on an eye patch. She changes her name to Mad Mary Kidd, as per the “Talk Like a Pirate” site! Rat’s pirate name is, co-incidentally, Mad Sam Kidd! “Arrr! Avast!” Montanagirl says that they are either siblings or husband and wife, but not BOTH!

Static finally shuts down the nitro. Grey backs down the power input to the space drive.

Rat and Montanagirl, in a disturbing combo of Dukes of Hazzard and Pirate Garb, get weapons ready (a Le Matt revolver and dynamite-arrows).

Ebo finally changes out of her tutu, but it seems to be too late.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:09 PM

THEREALME


15) THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF THE USS SERENITREE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9080

To combat the fact that our mutineers are talking like pirates, ThatWeirdGirl starts talking like a pirate, too. Luckily the mutineers are not very organized. Montanagirl: “Well Rat, I have no idea where the plan went. Sock puppets aside, this is a very poorly executed mutiny.”

Grey finds his own pirate name, Iron John Cash, and Malicious points everyone to the correct site. Jake7 turns into a pirate, too, Mad Morgan Cash. Montanagirl spots Princess Bride references, and looks around for R.O.U.S’s. “Only me!” says Rat.

Rat, dissatisfied with Static’s summary of the previous thread, writes his own. Rat’s summary ends, of course, with everyone surrendering to him!

Quote:
Originally posted by Elwoodmom:
Are you trying to start a mutiny? Here I am, fixing dinner, and I feel a tug on my skirt. It’s Ebo, and she says that you are trying to take over… Now, I’ve knocked Malicious’s and Neroli’s heads together before, and I can certainly give you something to cry about! Do you want a time-out, young man?? Can’t have any delinquents riling up the rest of the crew!


“She don’t scare me none!” says Rat of Elwoodmom.

Realizing that the Sereni-tree is adrift, and that the mutineers probably have access to a very nimble runabout, TheRealMe deploys a solar sail (black, with a skull and crossbones for a piratey theme). Also, TRM flies the Flag That Shw Made from the highest mast. “We have a flag! You mutineers do not!” Then TheGreyJedi turns the engines back on, making the solar sail useless.

TRM considers unfilled job descriptions. Since there is a mutiny, we need a Security Chief. Since the ship is lost, we probably need a navigator. Mai wants to be Tour Guide. Mai thinks a visit to a pleasure planet like Star Trek’s Risa is a good idea! Others agree.

Bloody Davy Cash, aka Dtuck, comes by in his spaceworthy ’93 Yugo and offers aid. Also, Indigo, aka Bloody Mary Roberts, offers her services as Chief of Security. Rat does his best to recruit the newcomers. Rat argues that since he and Montanagirl are muntinous pirates, and since everyone is taking pirate names, that everyone has joined him and HE is captain now, Arrrrgh!

Quote:
Originally posted by Elwoodmom:
(Faint strains of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly can be heard in the distance) Elwoodmom strides to the bar and opens a can of whoop-ass. She then bends over to tighten her combat-piraty-like boots. Her Linda Hamilton-type muscles bulge. She’s an imposing figure, indeed.


Her head snaps to the right and spots Rat. Within two quick steps, Elwoodmom is upon him. With one hand, she grabs the back of his shirt. Effortlessly, she lifts him up and walks to the plank. The crew separates. Someone hiccups and is quickly silenced. Rat sweats and slithers, trying to escape Elwoodmom’s iron clutches. She tosses him over the side, runs her hand through her salty hair and says “Mutiny is over, dear!”


Ebonezer thanks Mom, but says we can still be pirates if we like. A party begins.

Montanagirl points out that we are in outer space, so where exactly did Rat get thrown to? Then she gets distracted by a Galadriel headdress party hat and starts dancing.

Quote:
TheRealMe wrote:
* The Real Me dons his vac suit, grabs his fishing pole, and goes out the air lock. A LOOOOONG cast, and The Real Me waits. Then there is a pull on the line. With a smile, The Real Me reels in his catch. It is Rat, somewhat desiccated and blue from lack of air. *


“Thanks, son,” Rat says, then passes out.

TheRealMe suggests that we go find the Cozen Cluster. Montanagirl and Ebo agree. Lacking a navigator, TRM makes his best guess, points, and says, “Thataway, Static!”

Montanagirl decides we need a transmogrifier to turn Cozen back to his human form. Rat constructs one by taking a marker and writing “transmogrifier” on the side of a cardboard box. TRM wonders how we are going to fit a star cluster inside.

Casualty suddenly appears in the Common Room, as a result of a mis-cast spell. She seems sort of scared, and sort of sick.

At this point an odd African Grey parrot swoops in, squawks a bit, and starts speaking. It is a messenger from the Cozen star cluster, which is busy tapping black hole energy, “fueling his star cluster shenanigans”. The parrot leaves us with a map. Static sets the course, then punches the ship-wide intercom:

Your attention please. . .we have set course for Cozen’s pleasure paradise planet. Set all wardrobe to appropriately naughty. That is all.

ThatWeirdGirl complies with a green sarong with a suitably dangerous slit up the middle and a midriff-baring v-neck wrap shirt.

Static: “My goodness, sweetest. . .you look good enough to eat. C'mere so's I can nibble a bit.”


Elwoodmom: *hands Static a condom* “Here you go, dear.”

Cozen: “Only ONE?”

ThatWeirdGirl blushes, and takes a moment to make it VERY clear that condoms are not necessary, not one or a hundred, since she and Static are CLEARLY NOT engaging in that sort of activity. Wherever did we get THAT idea? Static agrees with her. She and Static start dancing.

Rat sings “They Might Be Giants” songs.

The newcomer Casualty has nothing to wear to the pleasure planet, except what she has on. To reach the appropriate levels of naughtiness, she takes some scissors and snips and cuts her wardrobe.

Cozen’s mouthpiece parrot returns, diving down from the ceiling to tear off even more of Casualty’s garb with its beak. It tumbles to the floor, laughing hysterically. Then the parrot makes its way to Montanagirl’s shoulder and begins talking.

Quote:
Cozen wrote:
Black Jack Silver is the name, and directin’ ya to the pleasure planet’s the game. As y’all have correctly sussed, I’m a parrot-gram, sent to you from the planet Rukus… Well, maybe not so much a planet as an asteroid. Smallish, but it’s got a 6 star hotel and a 200 foot wide plasma tv in the observation deck. The swimming pools, hot tubs and showers ain’t got no water as yet, but the contracts for delivery are being negotiated as I squawk. Ready, though, are the Nathan Fillion and Sean Maher clones. As for the Moreena and Jewel clones, as well as staples such as rootbeer, pepsi and ice-cream, well, not so much ready…


*As any sensible bird would do, BJS lightens his load in preparation for takeoff, leaving a streaky mess along MG’s back*


Montanagirl sighs. This sort of thing happens all the time at her work. She also puts in an order for an Adam Baldwin clone.

Casualty moves around to test the structural integrity of her ultra-skimpified outfit. She offers to trade her shyness for some chocolate, but not with nuts. TheRealMe tosses her a chocolate bar with almonds. “Sorry, Casualty. There's nothing but nuts in this place.” Unfortunately, she is allergic to nuts, but only of the food variety. Nutty people are fine!

TheRealMe looks around and realizes with alarm that “naughty” attire seems to be synonymous with “skimpy” attire. Unfortunately, The Real Me is the sort whose attractiveness approaches its maximum value as more and more of his body becomes covered. It is for a similar reason that he usually keeps a beard. Jake7 suggests that it is possible to dress naughtily, but still remain covered. TRM thinks that leather chaffes.

TheRealMe gathers the Seven Brides together. He apologizes that their weddings didn’t seem to go well (since they all ended up alone on the Sereni-Tree), but suggests that they might find employment at the Rukus resort, or even husbands. (Aside from Bride1’s earlier adventure on Mai-Quest, this is the first time any of the Brides demonstrate distinct personalities.)

For the upcoming pleasure planet, Ebonezer skimpifies her tank top and jeans and spikes her hair. TheGreyJedi “changes into shorts. just shorts. manly legs and chest (hair included ((booya)) too) displayed. And shades. with red lenses.” Since Indigo appreciates a man in a kilt, Grey promptly changes! Montanagirl takes off her piratey accessories to reveal the Daisy Duke outfit she had on from before. Perfect! If Cozen has a pool and jacuzzi ready, and the menfolk are nice, she might even wear her bikini!

Mai approaches TheRealMe. She has nothing to wear, and hopes to use his dimensional portals to go shopping in a nice 1920 circa dimension, since she loves the flapper style dresses and thinks they are sexy, too! TRM gladly departs with her, after first taking a detour to a dimension where money really does grow on trees.

A proximity alarm sounds. The Sereni-Tree is finally nearing Rukus! Static quits his dance with ThatWeirdGirl and begins the landing sequence.

Black Jack Silver returns again, finding a perch in Cap’n Ebo’s spikey hair. It announces the Rules of Rukus (of which there are essentially none), provides landing directions, mentions for fliers that there is an available helicopter (Sikorsky H-53E Heavy-Lift model, utilitarian, not sexy), says that a pair of chocolate-covered Jayne-clones are now available (with new Kaylee and Inara clones in the works, since the first models were too hirsute), and describes various shops, bars, and restaurants. Finally, it admits that there is a small flaw in the planetary programming, as the “swimming pool contains not water, so much as a couple dozen billiards tables. Management (that would be cozen), has allocated a high priority to rectifying this issue, on account of wanting to induce the wearing of skimpy bikinis.”

Quote:
Montanagirl wrote:
Well, I can just lay on a pool table and sun myself since the weather is so accomodating. Billiard tables and bikinis don't have to be exclusive. I call dibs on one of the Adams!!!!! Are we there yet?


Static objects to the parrot’s pronouncement, insisting that a Sikorsky is indeed sexy! But he follows the directions and lands the Sereni-Tree on Rukus.

One of TheRealMe’s dimensional portals opens in the Common Room, and he and Mai return dressed as a gangster in a pin-stripe suit with fedora and as a flapper, respectively. TRM is weighed down with numerous boxes. He puts them down (drops them), opens his violin case, and tosses Casualty a non-nutty chocolate bar.

Quote:
Mai wrote:
Wow what a caper! I can't believe we got all this stuff for a mere 20 clams! TRM, You’re the cat's meow in that get-up! Those dames on the pleasure planet aren't gonna know what hit 'em.

*Mai twirls in front of the mirror* Isn't this dress just the bees knees? Who knew getting all dolled up could be so much fun. Now where's the stuff we pinched from the speakeasy? All that time shifting has left me a bit befuddled.

*Straightens hair, checks make-up* I'm ready! Are we there yet?


Quote:
TheRealMe, somewhat intimidated by Mai’s command of the lingo, wrote:
* The Real Me turns to Mai. * “Affirmative! No, I mean... Riiiiiight!”

* The Real Me offers his arm to Mai. * “Let’s go, Doll-face!”


TheRealMe and Mai are the first to set foot on Rukus, Pleasure Planet of the Cozen Cluster.


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:10 PM

THEREALME


16) THE SERENITREE ON RUKUS, PLEASURE PLANET OF THE COZEN CLUSTER
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9124

(Interim)

Rukus was a pleasure asteroid with an artificially maintained habitable environment. There was a Badger-clone to act as concierge. There were also clones of some of our Big Damn Heroes useful for companion-like purposes: two each of Mal, Simon, Jayne, and Zoe, and one of Kaylee. The River-clone was created sometime during our stay. The Inara-clone was in the works, but early models were much too hairy. There was no Wash-clone, Book-clone, or Yo-Saf-Bridge-clone. There was an Olympic sized swimming pool filled not with water, but with pool tables (the Management apologized for this minor glitch in the program). Montanagirl took to sunbathing in a bikini on a pool table in the pool.

At some point during the time on Rukus, TheRealMe attempted to get all the Brides jobs or husbands on the pleasure planet. Ultimately, this will fail.

ThatWeirdGirl was upset for a reason, but calmed down when TheRealMe asked her for the lyrics to that classic Steve Martin song, “King Tut”

To prove that he had a modicum of culture his own self, TheRealMe recited a stanza or two from “Xanadu” (the classic poem, not the Olivia Newton John song!)

A woman in a diaphanous gown, walked out of the sea, admiring the poem. She was of inhuman grace and beauty and flowers spontaneously sprung up wherever she walked. She called herself Needleseye. It has been assumed that she is some kind of aquatic faerie.


PERIPHERAL THREAD:
I’ve missed out
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9165
The entry of SimonsCandyApple into our weird world. Mal-licious bumped the three oldest threads for her to see.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:12 PM

THEREALME


17) THE RUKUS BEACH PARTY
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9180


(Interim)

We had a cook-out.

In one of these Rukus threads, we met Knibblet, who was selling tubes of "Knibblet's Stupendous Sunscreen". After analyzing the composition of this substance, TheRealMe decided that it would greatly boost the power output of the Sereni-Tree's fusion plants. He buys Knibblet out, and she closes early.

TheGreyJedi, however, is not impressed. He doesn't like to use engine additives!

Static, TheRealMe, ThatWeirdGirl, PsychicRiver, Ebo (?) and others got together on the beach. We played a game of Volleyball, including cheating with our superpowers, and some morphing.

There was an apparent invasion force approaching Rukus. We saw TheGreyJedi’s mecha Aegis in action against the “space invasion”. Ooops. It was a convoy of Cozen’s transports!

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:12 PM

THEREALME


18) VOLLEYBALL AND OTHER BEACH THINGS, RUCKUS STYLE!!!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9289


(Interim)

The volleyball game continued.

Rukus was a rather small asteroid with a habitable environment that was artificially maintained by machines. That, of course, was until Rat turned off those machines and Rukus literally fell apart. Aside from perhaps a dozen or so clones of our BDHs created for companion-like purposes, the only inhabitants of Rukus seemed to have been an irritating parrot named Black Jack Silver (acting as a mouthpiece for Cozen, who was still a star cluster at the time) and Needleseye (who is an aquatic carnivorous faerie-like creature, of inhuman grace and beauty, who can shapeshift and generates flowers spontaneously depending on her mood).

We heroically saved ourselves and rescued them all. Then we departed that place.

Perhaps around this time, TheRealMe introduces our Chief Engineer, TheGreyJedi, to the smartest of the Brides, Bride4, in the hopes that he can employ her as an assistant engineer. He agrees, and gives her a huge technical manual. We discover that her name is Jet. Later, Needleseye also becomes an assistant engineer.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:14 PM

THEREALME


19) BLACK DIAMOND SKI RESORT
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9377



TheGreyJedi’s summary to Ebo:

The ski resort of Black Diamond, planet of the Cozen Cluster.

Ok. You might recall the trip to the asteroid of Rukus, the beach party place. Rat blew it up, so we had to make a hasty retreat. I scooped you and some others up in Aegis, my mecha with repulsor wings, as we fled to the SereniTREE. To avoid being smote into tiny pieces by wayward chunks of former planet, I dropped us into the 4th dimension using the as of then untested Gravity Drive. From there, we return to normal space and head for the Black Diamond Ski Resort. Snow, hot tub, relaxing. Then FemaleReaver and several brides and maybe NeedlesEye and Rat and TRM and some others go off and fight things and Yetis and suddenly living giant windmills. And the Cozen showed up and demanded reparations for Rat blowing up Rukus. And is annoying us with endless ants. To which I decided to take to the skies in Aegis. Given that I don't recall you leaving the cockpit, and I don't remember helping you out, you might be in the cockpit of Aegis with me.

Whew.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.


==================================================


TheRealMe’s additions to Grey’s report to Ebo:

Right. The beach pleasure planet Rukus was destroyed when Rat (of whom there is no crew record remaining in the Sereni-Tree computer) disabled the one and only power plant on the planet and the planet fell apart.

We escaped.

We landed on the Black Diamond Ski resort planet.

Skiing. Snowmen. Lounging in the jacuzzi, sipping wine. "Beloved." "Sweetest." "Caress." "Lips."

Most of the rest involves the Quest for the FemaleReaver. Note that the Questers are currently far removed from the resort.

What happened was, I got sick. Jake7 took me to a hospital here, but it seemed to be run by our own Bride7! She was singing this creepy song, and I was afraid that she was going to cook me. Anyway, Jake7 rescued me, and I wondered if Bride7 was really that master of disguise, the FemaleReaver, escaped. I asked Brides 1 through 3 to check to see if she was still in her cage.

The FemaleReaver escaped from her cage on the Sereni-Tree, apparently turning Bride1 to her cause and injuring Bride2 and Bride3. Later, Bride1 was... uh... dealt with by Needleseye, some kind of supernatural aquatic creature we picked up on Rukus.

Rat, Jake7, Needleseye, and myself went after the FemaleReaver in the General Lee, one of our shuttles. She had stolen a speeder-pod and made her way to the Land of the Yeti. We chased.

We picked up newcomer ImEarly, found unconscious and almost naked in the snow. He was loaned the katana that we recovered from Bride1, which we found could turn the wielder invisible.

The General was disabled, I was abducted by Yeti who wanted to eat me, but I was saved by Jake7, Needleseye, ImEarly, and ThatWeirdGirl (whom I portaled in). Using her Confusion power, TWG befriended the yeti and taught them how to dance. These yeti included Corbin, Hewitt, and Ervin.

Meanwhile, Rat had enslaved some Windmill Giants with his music (from the group “They Might Be Giants”). Leaving TWG with her new friends, the rest of us continued our search for the FemaleReaver, finding her preaching to a bunch of Yeti in a cave. They seemed to be listening to her.

The Cozen Star Cluster awoke and started this ant thing. In revenge for the destruction of Rukus, countless cozenants invaded the Sereni-Tree.

You are now up to date.

EDIT: No, Grey, I encountered Ebo in the cargo bay during our time in the 4th dimension, though it is possible that she climbed back into Aegis.


The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree





PERIPHERAL THREAD:

Friday, Freakin’ Friday
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9395
A finer example of Mal-licious’ thread-jacking may not exist.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:15 PM

THEREALME


20) RAID ON BLACK DIAMOND
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9473


(interim)


TheRealMe, Rat (?), Jake7, Needleseye, and ImEarly are creeping around high in a cave, looking down on great expanse below, where the FemaleReaver seems to be preaching to a congregation of thousands of yeti. They seem to be listening intently. She is apparently trying to get them to march on the human ski resort. Most of them march off.

The archer SoulOfSerenity joins Our Heroes high in the caves. He was last seen at the end of Thread 2! He wants to help.

Soon, however, the plague of cozenants that are swarming the planet have arrived. FemaleReaver tries to get to higher ground inside the cave, and notices Our Heroes. With some amazing acrobatics, she leaps up and beats the crap out of several of us, but is pushed off a ledge, where she seems to fall to her doom.

A strange grunting, scraping sound is heard, and the Blue Box of SimonWho appears. He steps out and offers to help the more seriously wounded, including TRM. At that moment, FemaleReaver jumps back into combat (she had not fallen to her death, but merely down to the next ledge below), kicks SimonWho in the face, does a couple somersaults, and enters his Blue Box. The same weird sounds repeat as the Box disappears. SimonWho patches us up as best he can, and TRM opens a portal from the cave back to the resort on the hunch that would be FemaleReaver’s destination. At some point, Rat goes back to retrieve the General Lee. Maybe TRM also makes him a portal back to there, or maybe he never accompanied the rest to this cave.

Back at the resort are various folk, including Static, TheGreyJedi, and the new folks CallMeAth and Lissa. Our Heroes from the FemaleReaver quest stumble into the pool area. Note that at some point, we completely lose track of ImEarly (who is invisible after all).

At poolside, SimonWho’s Blue Box appears. This time,we are ready for FemaleReaver’s tricks! The Box’s door opens, and out steps…. Bride7! Where is the FemaleReaver? It turns out that she is nearby, running up a high hill overlooking the pool. She is about to threaten ThatWeirdGirl, who is arriving with her yeti dance friends. TheRealMe and Static pursue. Using his portal powers, TRM gets in front of the FemaleReaver to distract her (and get beat up again) while Static uses his pair of pistols to cover her, firing a few warning shots. She is ready to be taken back to her cell… until next time! TheGreyJedi resolves all remaining FemaleReaver issues by squashing her flat with the index finger of his giant super-mecha Aegis.

Meanwhile, an army of 64,000 yeti are approaching the ski resort, while cozenants are devouring everything! ThatWeirdGirl’s yeti friends talk to Assan who is part of this army, to try to stop the attack.


From TheRealMe’s report to Ebo:

Let me see, since the last report we gave you, the escaped FemaleReaver has been crushed (literally… by a finger of TheGreyJedi’s mecha), but an army of perhaps millions of warrior ants controlled by Cozen have taken over the Sereni-Tree. It is my guess that the Cozen love-clones that we rescued from the destruction of the planet Rukus are in on the plot, and may have opened hatches to let the ants in.

We’ve recovered the Infirmary with the help of some of the Brides, and we’re heading off to Main Engineering next. Mai discovered that Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen is also a terrific ant-repellant, so we’ve been using that as our major weapon. Oh, that and the Ebo Golem, who is excellent at stomping ants. Sparky, sadly, is once again in pieces.



From TheRealMe’s explanation of where Serenity came from:

CallMeSerenity,

While you may not have been a native of the Black Diamond ski resort planet, we almost certainly picked you up there. It was a substantial world, with its own gravity and ecosystem and everything else that a planet would have (with a nice contrast between the volcanoes’ rivers of molten lava and the stark snowscapes that otherwise dominated the scenery).

We had a grand time on Black Diamond, some of us relaxing in the resort’s jaccuzi and others (Rat, Needleseye, Jake7, and TheRealMe) chasing the escaped FemaleReaver, meeting and interacting with the native Yeti and Windmill Giants, and picking up interesting folk like ImEarly, CallMeAth, and SoulOfSerenity. Oh, ThatWeirdGirl was key in pacifying the Yeti with her Power of Confusion. Static and TheGreyJedi were key in resolving the FemaleReaver situation. The escape, pursuit, and plot resolution of the FemaleReaver resulted in the injury of Bride2, Bride3, SimonWho, and TheRealMe, and caused the deaths of Bride1 and the FemaleReaver herself.

During the pursuit of the FemaleReaver, the ants of Black Diamond started attacking the Sereni-Tree, motivated by Cozen’s vengeance over the earlier destruction of the pleasure asteroid Rukus (both Rukus and Black Diamond were in the Cozen Star Cluster). The Cozenants were granted entry to the ship by some of the Cozen love-clones that we had rescued from Rukus, then the ants proceeded to over-run the entire ship and ate most of our food. Only the quick thinking of Bride4 (aka Jet) in shutting down the air ducts slowed the Cozenants’ progress and allowed us to keep a toe-hold in the Infirmary. Then, thanks to the discovery by Mai that Knibblet’s Stupendous Sunscreen was fatal to ants, we managed to retake control of the Sereni-Tree. This resulted in one humongous pile of ant corpses.

Our various crises over for the moment, I baked a cake to commemorate our 10-month anniversary, and a corporeal Cozen popped out of it. This was a problem because, until that moment, he was the semi-divine star cluster that had created and was sustaining Black Diamond.

As the planet was breaking up from under us, we managed to rescue a large number of beings, including an army of Yeti, dozens of Windmill Giants (which had to be shrunk, first), and the staff and guests of the Black Diamond hotel.

Undoubtedly, Serenity, you were one of those guests, and were saved when Mai landed the General Grant at the hotel and I opened a dimensional portal to her location. Then you all just walked through that hole in reality and into an apartment in the West Wing of the Sereni-Tree, which I had enlarged enough (with my powers of space-time folding) to hold some seventy or eighty thousand beings. These events occurred in the “Escape From Black Diamond” thread, or the ones previous or subsequent to that.

Since that time we have been in the process of returning to Earth-that-still-is, to the very Tree which was our origin point, back when the Sereni-Tree was merely a treehouse. At some point we have to get rid of these Yeti and other creatures, but for now we are stuck with them, and they are quickly eating us out of Spam.

* TheRealMe takes a deep breath. *



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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:16 PM

THEREALME


21) ESCAPE FROM THE RAID ON BLACK DIAMOND
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9531


(Abbreviated, interim summary)

Get away from Black Diamond.

ThatWeirdGirl has lots of fun flying her shuttle, the Admiral Nelson around in loops. However, her shuttle has some technical difficulties. She dies, and is revived. Soon after the “No Dying” rule is established.



PERIPHERAL THREADS:

Happy Birthday TRM!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9581

Happy Birthday
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=9582

Neroli and Gunhand
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=9533
Elwoodmom forms a posse and tries to find Neroli and Gunhand and bring them in for Mal-licious’ half-birthday party. Contains TheRealMe’s original composition: “The Ballad of Neroli and Gunhand”.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:18 PM

THEREALME


22) SERENI-TREE IV: THE VOYAGE HOME
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9926

(Interim summary by... somebody)

Unknown space pirates were chasing two of our crew….

TheGreyJedi was still in an alternate dimension…

The Princess Bride had just begun playing in the common room…

AND…

Earth was within our sights.

RAT takes over various officer positions in his second mutiny attempt. Becomes Acquisitions Officer. At some point during the journey home, Rat tried to work a deal with some Pakleds that he met (stupid Elmer Fuddish creatures from the first season of Star Trek, TNG). To replace all the Spam that the tens of thousands of Yeti were eating, Rat attempted to trade away the 8-ball from Ebo's pool table and Bride6! He substitutes a mannikin, instead, which does not fool them.

This thread will tell the story of how we all arrived back home, safely, and together.


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

Le Quest du Crustacean: In Search of Crabs
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=10114
Includes pics of TheRealMe, Mal-licious, Jazaf, and SoulOfSerenity.

Oh Mistress, Our Mistress
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=10193
For Mal-licious’ half-birthday.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:18 PM

THEREALME


23) THE S.S. SERENITREE’S HOMECOMING
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=10274


(Interim summary by Cozen)

Summary? Oh dear….

The crew are chased by space pirates while watching Princess Bride.

CallMeAth and Rat battle pirates from the General Lee, then return to the Tree and take on different roles. Rat settles into role of Aquisitions Officer; Ath takes a decidedly different approach to defending the Tree than does sibling CallMeSerenity, who in turn learns of her origins from TheRealMe (it seems that she joined the crew at Black Diamond). Oh, and she finds out she has wings.

PsychicRiver awakens from hibernation even as SoulOfSerenity juggles his security duties with partying, before heroically suffering a coma inducing head injury at the hands of new villains the Evil Creatures aka Evil Invaders aka Enemy Invaders.

MontanGirl gasps in shock and horror as she discovers that she, too, can be an idiot.

TheRealMe does… does everything.

Static takes a rare break from ThatWeirdGirl so that he can pilot the Tree, and saves us all only a couple of times before discovering a latent telekinesis and landing the Tree back on a war-torn Earth-that-still-is.

ThatWeirdGirl attempts a risky rescue of TheGreyJedi, who’d been in alternate dimensional space for a while. TGJ saves himself anyway, but is currently infirmarized and comatose in the care of Dr. SimonWho and many nurses who willingly volunteer to take turns watching over him.

Emma lands her space cruiser on the Sereni-Tree, bringing trading goods and a seven foot tall meteor troll that slavishly attatches itself to TRM.

Cozen steals fruit from CMSerenity’s garden, bumps into CMS, welcomes Emma with a kidnap, and finally succeeds in rescuing someone. That someone would be Jake7, who continues to be imperilled in every scenario.

Mai unleashes an evil mop, but is loved all the more. Molly the Parrot learns how to post to the thread.

Needleseye declines to eat anyone, choosing to create more flowers and fix engines with the aid of Jet.

As TWG reconnoitres the Original Clubhouse and is saved from certain doom at the hands of the Evil Creatures by Jazaf’s timely swordplay, CMAth and others turn the Jacuzzi into a chocolate-champaign hot-tub playground.

AND: Captain Ebo rules the 'verse.

‘nuff already….



PERIPHERAL THREAD:

Help Needed: What is SS Serenit-Tree?
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=10313

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:19 PM

THEREALME


24) THE TREE-CLUBHOUSE GANG ARE (ALMOST) GROUNDED
http://fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=10477

(Interim Summary)

Looks like we have three or four possible enemies for the near future. It also looks like Cozen and Jet have armed us sufficiently for battle. Thanks much!

Rat and Emma have discovered why we were using PepsiMilk against the EI…they like SPAM. Oh, and it seems that Pepsimilk dissolves them or something.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:20 PM

THEREALME


25) S.S. SERENITREE: THE EVE OF BATTLE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=10543

(Interim Summary)


Let’s see, in no particular order…

Arriving by way of a rowboat and the shuttle Admiral Nelson, PsychicRiver and ThatWeirdGirl battle the Enemy Invaders for possession of the Tree and Zoid’s deserted Pub at the Bottom of the Tree. Their goal is to rescue PsychicRiver’s long-lost cat, Belle (and SimonWho’s stash of British candies).

Static, we hope, is still flying the Sereni-Tree. The last we knew, he was heading the ship toward the Lake near the Tree in order to rendezvous with ThatWeirdGirl and PsychicRiver. He is still dodging an EI fleet, but at least the closest ships have been dealt with.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the Sereni-Tree, Cozen has thawed himself out from the cryogenic freezing machine of the Insidious Doctor Rat (who has apparently been freezing and storing many of our missing companions for SOME diabolical purpose). Cozen inadvisably enables Real World Physics, but has the good sense to quickly disable them, again.

Down in Main Engineering, Needleseye and TheGreyJedi are apparently not having sex in the same way as a certain other couple on board never did. Grey has recently expended his energy (in remaking/repairing the Sereni-Tree in some techno-magic fashion).

In the Old Clubhouse stored in the Main Cargo Bay, TheRealMe is practicing his long-neglected minioning duties on Mal-licious. The two have, until recently, been oblivious to the dangers that threaten the others. Jake7 is also there relaxing, after rigging the sprinkler system to spray Pepsimilk over all the EI who boarded the ship.

On Emma’s ship, which is still mated to the Sereni-Tree’s main airlock, Emma, Jazaf, CallMeSerenity, and MontanaGirl fight against the elite repo men who are attempting to reclaim Emma’s ship. Serenity gets a severe headache because of her brother Ath (and not for the first time, I suspect). Emma decides to head to the chocolate jacuzzi.

Mai, who had previously been giving Jazaf a guided tour of the Sereni-Tree, is either with that group or else still off looking for Molly the Parrot.

On the other side of a mysterious dimensional portal from the Sereni-Tree, SoulofSerenity, CallMeAth, and Lissa have been captured. Ath is being tortured, and the pain he experiences bleeds across the psychic connection he seems to share with his sister Serenity.

I have no clue what the Brides, clones, or anyone else are doing.

And Ebo? Probably still confused. But at least she’s enthusiastic!

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:20 PM

THEREALME


26) U.S.S. SERENITREE: NO LONGER THE EVE OF BATTLE
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=10841



(Interim Summary)

Lots of things happen. We infiltrate the core of the Enemy Invaders and Serenity flies up and drops a bomb down their smokestack or some such.


It seems that there is a clone/brother of SoulofSerenity named EvilSoul who has shanghaied a few of our lovely ladies and has even made/stole some shadows to distract them while he enacts his diabolical plot! Gasp!

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:21 PM

THEREALME


27) USS SERENITREE: A TALE OF TWO TREES
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11136


(Interim Summary)

SoulofSerenity’s evil counterpart, DarkSoul, created a False Sereni-Tree (the Adelai Niska), kidnapped most of our womenfolk over to that ship, and then split off evil clones from Our Heroes. After some confusion as to what was going on, Our Heroes made their way to the False Sereni-Tree by means of their own powers or the three shuttles, fought to recover their friends, faced and conquered their dark selves, and departed before the Cozenroaches could finish eating the False Sereni-Tree.

The last major conflict of the “DarkSoul” plotline was when EvilSimonWho kidnapped ThatWeirdGirl. SimonWho defeated his dark self by (temporarily) stopping his own heart with a needle! The EvilSimonWho dissipated and SimonWho was rushed off to the Infirmary where he is in stable if guarded condition.

Then Soul, on the False Sereni-Tree, rammed the True Sereni-Tree, somehow magically joining all the good and evil bits back together. The (once again) one-and-only Sereni-Tree has been landed in a meadow on Earth-That-Still-Is, so that repairs can be made and so the crew can relax among dandelions a bit before the next great disaster threatens us. This also gives us a chance to re-supply our depleted pantry.

Newly acquired crew members include Bluefishie, XanderLHarris, and Piffle101. Welcome! More alarming additions are the Malcomettes!


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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 9:22 PM

THEREALME


28) THE SERENI-TREE AMONG DANDELIONS
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=11502


(Interim Summary)

Well, after the resolution of the Dark Soul plotline, Our Heroes landed the Sereni-Tree in a meadow among dandelions and have been relaxing. We healed, repaired the ship, sang some songs, and started breeding blue fishies and piffleponies. The piffleponies really caught on, and a race was suggested.

For now, the contestants in the race are Serenity, PsychicRiver, and Bride6. Hopefully, somebody else will be interested!

Bride2 adopted Jazaf as her Sensei, and the two have been sparring.

As a lurking side-plot, Emma and Rat have taken one of our shuttles, the Admiral Nelson, and have gone off on a trading mission. These things usually end in some kind of alien invasion of us. Otherwise, we will have to go looking for that pair sometime soon.

This thread contains "TheRealMe's Guide to the Sereni-Tree, V2".


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

Can’t help it, I love ThatWeirdGirl…
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11611

The Evil Doctor Answers Your Problems
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11945
The Dark clone of Doctor SimonWho, thought defeated at the end of the Dark Soul plot in “USS Serenitree: A Tale Of Two Trees,” has returned. Apparently, he’s opened a practice.


I’m a Captain, I’ve Got a Ship, Now I Just Need a Crew…
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11588
Here are the first four threads of the space ship Destiny, which describe the antics of one of the “official” competing crews of the Browncoat site. This is where our SoulofSerenity is the Captain, CallMeSerenity is First Officer, and TheRealMe is the bumbling doctor (since all the jobs he knew were taken when he joined).

Welcome to Destiny!
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11689

Destiny - The Next Thread
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11767

Destiny - Deep Space… Whatever
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=11976

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005 12:46 PM

THEREALME


29) THE SERENI-TREE: A DAY AT THE RACES
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=12057

(Thanks to PsychicRiver for most of this interim summary. I may expand on it later.)

Well, whilst continuing to wallow among the dandelions, we saw the birth of some Piffle-foals (delivered by Montanagirl), of which some were claimed. And then, we had a piffle-pony race! During the race, Needleseye was found to be lurking on the island in the middle of the lake that was part of the course.

Race Results:

1st place - Serenity & Patience
2nd place - PR, Jake 7 & Ororo
3rd place - Bride 6 and Prudence
4th place (there are no losers!) - Droppymccool & Penitence.

Dear MollyTheParrot had her wing clipped at the start of the race, which caused Cozen to go a tad loony... needless to say we managed to fight off the cozenants, cockroaches, and tarantulas long enough for him to see that Molly was going to be fine. However, the Sereni-Tree suffered some damage from the cozenbugs.

TWG was caught in a web, bitten by a giant tarantula, and much to her dismay, SimonWho had to save her, along with TheRealMe. It is unclear if this was a cozenspider or something more natural.

We also received a message from Emma, who told us that she and Rat had got into some trouble while off “trading”... and needed rescuing.

Soul decided to captain this rescue mission, and picked out a few crew members to assist him. Near the Sereni-Tree, he landed his Firefly ship Destiny's Shadow which would take the crew on the rescue mission. And what a mighty fine ship it is!

PsychicRiver and Mai decided to go for a swim in the lake. How quaint.

Our 29th thread also saw the arrival of a very confused Needy, Boy Whore of Destiny, wearing a dress and hearing strange voices.

At the moment, Soul’s Destiny is about to take off, with the disembodied head of Succatash as the pilot! The rest of SoulOfSerenity’s crew includes Bride2, CallMeAth, CallMeSerenity, Jake7, Jazaf, Jayne-Clone2, Lissa, Needy, and ThatWeirdGirl.


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

Destiny: To Lunacy and Beyond
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=12261
Destiny Thread Number 5.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005 12:47 PM

THEREALME


30) THE SERENI-TREE: FLIGHT OF THE FIREFLY
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=12357

(Interim recap)

A while back, the Sereni-Tree landed among dandelions on Earth-That-Still-Is, and we relaxed for a couple threads, singing songs and breeding blue fishies and piffleponies. We even had a pifflepony race. During this time, Emma and Rat departed in the Admiral Nelson, one of the Sereni-Tree’s four shuttles. Their stated goal was to seek out some extra-terrestrial trading opportunity.

Sadly, at the start of the race, MollyTheParrot was injured in a tragic sporting accident. This sort of drove Cozen crazy, and he summoned up vast numbers of his Cozenbugs to assault the ship. The Sereni-Tree was damaged by the time we could re-gain control of the situation. This resulted in both Molly and Cozen being left to heal inside autodocs in the Infirmary, under the care of Montanagirl and SimonWho, our resident Vet and Doctor, respectively.

Then a distress call came from Rat and Emma. They were in trouble, being attacked and/or boarded by some unfriendly aliens far off in the black.

The Sereni-Tree was still too damaged by the Cozenbugs to go to the rescue. That was when SoulofSerenity revealed that he had a ship of his own, the Firefly class Destiny’s Shadow. Soul picked about half the Sereni-Tree’s crew and took them on a rescue mission. The Destiny’s Shadow, took off, piloted by the disembodied head of Succatash. Meanwhile, TheRealMe, TheGreyJedi, Jet, and Needleseye worked to repair the Sereni-Tree.

In Deep Space, the Destiny’s Shadow found the missing Admiral Nelson, adrift in space. ThatWeirdGirl and Jayne-clone2 went over in space suits to check it out. At that time, the DS was attacked by an enemy ship. Through some fine captaining, fancy piloting, and crack shooting, the enemy was destroyed. Aboard the Admiral Nelson, TWG and Jayne-clone2 found Mal-licious (?), Zoid (?), and Rat! TWG powered up the shuttle and flew off. Or at least flew around.

Back on Earth-That-Still-Is, the Sereni-Tree was repaired and about ready to take off to join in the rescue mission. However, Piffle and PsychicRiver were off playing around with their hang glider. They crashed near a village that was being attacked by REAVERS! They find a mule and speed back to the Sereni-Tree. They are followed by a pack of Reavers, driving bikes, cars, and buggies, Road Warrior style. TheRealMe has the Sereni-Tree take off and pick up the speeding mule. We also pick up newcomers Safe and Jack, who were also fleeing the Reavers.

It was at that time that TheGreyJedi decided to act, summoned up his ultra-tech super-sized mecha, destroyed all the attacking Reavers single-handedly, and immediately teleported his mecha and the Sereni-Tree into the vicinity of the Destiny’s Shadow in deep space.

TheRealMe had the Sereni-Tree dock with the Destiny’s Shadow, allowing the crews to mingle. ThatWeirdGirl, Jayne-clone2, Mal-licious, Zoid, and Rat are on the shuttle Admiral Nelson. Grey is in his super-mecha. Everyone else is on the combined Sereni-Tree / Destiny’s Shadow.

Just recently, Ash and Mai took a swim, and a second Rat woke up on the Sereni-Tree. Frankly, I’m wondering about Zoid being around. He hasn’t been in a clubhouse thread for perhaps 25 threads! Maybe that’s just a Mal-clone that Mal-licious was with (in a Zoid mask?). Or maybe it is really Zoid, and Mal-licious has kept him captive secretly all this time!

Anyway, that’s the way it is.

Oh, and CallMeSerenity has detected another ominous approaching blip on the sensors.

More news:

Static is once again active, returned from a strange journey through space and time. Cozen is stirring, his toe being bitten by a paricularly persistant ferret.

Mai and Lissa are playing around on their new potty-go-round (??) which apparently exists in the women's bathroom.

Through the use of TheRealMe's dimensional portals, ThatWeirdGirl unloaded all of her passengers back to the Sereni-Tree except for the Rat she had with her.


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

The next Destiny thread.

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Sunday, October 9, 2005 5:43 PM

THEREALME


31) SERENI-TREE: BACK IN BLACK

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=13705

After the Sereni-Tree’s jump to the vicinity of the Destiny’s Shadow, Static hauls TheGreyJedi’s Mecha, Megadeus, into the hanger bay.

We all start getting an uneasy feeling as an ominous blip approaches. It is the derelict Alliance Cruiser Arkham, supposedly lost with all hands 30 years ago. We believe that our missing companion Emma is on the Arkham, but we can’t quite get a fix on her, so we send over several search parties in shuttles. Oddly, as soon as they get inside, each group seems to be transported to a different reality.

In the General Lee is TheRealMe, one of the Rats, Jake7, Needleseye, Nugget the Meteor Troll, and a pair of Zoe-clones. They find themselves on Whitefall where they face down an entire horde of chaos mutants to save Monkeytail, former cabana boy (how did HE get there?).

In the General Grant is CallMeSerenity, CallMeAth, Safeat2nd, CastIronJack, PsychicRiver, River-clone, Lissa, Mai, PyreFX, GreekToomey, and the Wash Malcolmette. They find themselves in cages around some kind of weird arena. PR uses his mental powers to open the cages, but he opens ALL the cages. The Wash Malcolmette is nowhere to be seen. Apparently, to get out of this situation, someone has to die. River-clone volunteers herself, since she is a clone, “not a real person”. Ath, apparently, kills her.

In the Destiny’s Shadow port shuttle is SoulofSerenity, The Head of Succatash, Static, Jayne-clone2, Jazaf, and (hidden as a stowaway and lagging behind) Bride2. They are traveling through a dark forest to a dark tower that Static seems to think holds his destiny. The Head of Succatash was left behind in the shuttle.

Occasionally, each of these groups witnesses a vision of something happening to another of these groups. There was one case where an unidentified person fell from the Grant’s reality into the Dark Tower’s. TheRealMe is concerned that they are all in a bad “malfunctioning holodeck” episode of Star Trek.

In the Admiral Nelson, ThatWeirdGirl and the other Rat are off into hyperspace. TWG believes that Emma can be found elsewhere.

SimonWho has departed in his Blue Box for an unknown destination.

Everyone else is in the Sereni-Tree. TheGreyJedi is relaxing in his quarters playing video games. Montanagirl has given Cozen a clean bill of health and shooed him out of the Infirmary. XanderLHarris / Ash might still be playing on the potty-go-round in the women’s restroom. Bluefishie is practicing the Mary Poppins trick. There still remains the Napoleon Bonapart or the Destiny’s Shadow starboard shuttle for anyone who still wishes to get in on the fun.


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Monday, October 24, 2005 6:27 PM

THEREALME


32) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE MADNESS OF ARKHAM

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=14277


While trying to find the source of Emma’s distress beacon, crew members of the Sereni-Tree boarded the derelict Alliance cruiser Arkham in three groups. The shuttles General Lee, General Grant, and the Destiny’s Shadow’s port shuttle went over. Once aboard the ghost ship, each crew found itself facing terrible danger in a number of alternate realities.

The Destiny’s Shadow group encountered the Dark Tower. The Gunslinger Static attempted to climb it. He caught a glimpse of Emma, but this may have been an illusion.

The Lee’s crew found themselves in Ambush Valley on Whitefall, where they faced a never-ending hoard of chaos mutants.

The Grant’s crew found themselves in a series of cages connected to some strange gladiatorial arena.

There was some communication and even travel back and forth between these realities.

At one point, the clones of the Big Damn Heroes that we picked up back on Cozen’s pleasure planet of Rukus started dissolving. One by one, they fell to dust in a number of tourching goodbye scenes.

The evil Sith Lord, Darth Ath, once again gained control of Ath’s mind, and he attempted to claim the prize of the Dark Tower. Luckily, our “good” Ath was able to wrest control away long enough to put his body amongst the hoard of mutants, and out of range of the Dark Tower. Darth Ath was not pleased when he regained control, and was severely injured by the mutants. We had to go back to rescue him.

Before long, through the use of TheRealMe’s dimensional portals, everyone had joined the mutant-fighting group. Sadly, they were losing. Jazaf and his student Bride2 discovered a mutant factory, and were about to do something there.

But then SoulofSerenity made contact with whatever Evil Mastermind had constructed this game. In a Niska-like manner, this being made Soul an offer. Soul’s friends could go free, but SOMEONE must die. Soul must pick. The Mastermind chuckled to himself, waiting as Soul considered this agonizing decision.

Soul chose HIMSELF to die. He sacrificed himself to save the rest of us from the Madness of Arkham!

What a guy!


PERIPHERAL THREADS:

The Tranqui-Bush
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=14618

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Saturday, November 5, 2005 6:30 PM

THEREALME


33) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE LOST SOUL

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=14617


(Interim Summary)

After SoulofSerenity sacrificed himself to save the rest of us from the Madness of Arkham, the survivors returned to the Sereni-Tree in order to recover and to mourn our friend.

During the evacuation from the Arkham, Jake7 clearly did not trust the somewhat psychotic Bride7, who had taken to following TheRealMe around. TheRealMe, however, protested that we had not actually caught her eating anybody, so we really shouldn’t kick her off the ship. Jake7 seemed unimpressed by this logic.

PsychicRiver recovered Soul's possessions and gifted them to CallMeSerenity.

Soul’s body, recovered by Jazaf, was frozen and stored in the Infirmary’s cryo-lab.

The Phantom hovered around the Sereni-Tree, mysteriously (and invisibly) watching our crew.

Static piloted the Sereni-Tree to overtake the shuttle Admiral Nelson, which had contained ThatWeirdGirl and one of the Rats. When Static and TheRealMe boarded that shuttle, they found it empty, except for two piles of dust! That meant that both the ThatWeirdGirl and the Rat aboard were clone-beings that had since dissolved! We knew where the real Rat was (he collected the other Rat’s clone-dust, by the way), but where was the real ThatWeirdGirl?

The only conclusion that we could come to was that the real ThatWeirdGirl had been mistaken for the EvilWeirdGirl created during the time of the Dark Soul, that very being who had suffered a terrible head wound and had been frozen in cryo-sleep. So the person we thought was the EvilWeirdGirl must have been the true ThatWeirdGirl, and the WeirdGirl we had been living with for some time was an evil imposter! (Confused yet?)

In any case, our ThatWeirdGirl-like-being required brain surgery. With Doctor SimonWho missing and our two Simon-clones dissolved to dust, TheRealMe suggested that we wait, since his own medical expertise had just risen to the point of the successful application of band-aids. Yet SimonWho did not return, even when we pressed the Big Red Button that he set up to summon himself.

TheRealMe went to the Dream Machine created long ago by ManiacNumberOne, and used it to download the stored record of SimonWho’s medical expertise into his own head. Using this borrowed knowledge, TheRealMe performed a successful operation to restore ThatWeirdGirl to normal. After the operation, TheRealMe collapsed, American mind overcome by latent Britishisms.

Doctor SimonWho picked that moment to return, and started to treat both of them, along with Montanagirl’s help. Then Monkeytail, former cabana boy, assaulted SimonWho in a misguided attempt to protect TheRealMe and ThatWeirdGirl.

ThatWeirdGirl awoke, but she has no idea what has happened in the last five or six months.

By this time, The Head of Succatash has undocked Soul’s ship, the Destiny’s Shadow, from the Sereni-Tree and has wandered off into the black, perhaps taking with him folks who are not too keen on staying.

Safeat2nd and CastIronJack took the shuttle General Grant to Boros to run some errands. There they met an unpleasant fellow who has an interest in the Sereni-Tree or someone on it.

And we STILL have no idea where Emma is!


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Thursday, December 1, 2005 4:57 AM

THEREALME


34) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE RETURN OF THATWEIRDGIRL

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=15222

(Interim Summary)

We have recovered ThatWeirdGirl, who seems to be busy renewing her relationship with Static the Gunslinger, but we have also discovered that she is possibly PsychicRiver’s mother in some future reality! Come to think of it, this might help to explain how Rat can be my father, even though he is two cycles of the Rat younger than I am!

Anyway, PsychicRiver has thus acquired an unknown conspiracy-laden past (which includes time travel and memory editing), and he has sort of gone a little crazy again, like when he tried to feed M&Ms to our aluminum Christmas Tree.

Right. Christmas. There was some Christmas cheer in there too. Insert the year-ending holiday of your choice if you prefer.

Serenity seems to be mysteriously in a delicate condition.

Phantom seems to be floating unseen amongst the crew.

Bluefishie is doing backflips in Limbo.

Ebo stuck her head in to say hi, claiming to be the father of Serenity's baby. But we are not buying it.

Safeat2nd and CastIronJack have snuck off in a shuttle to Boros. There they have met the mysterious Citizen, to discuss a job. Explosions from outside have sent all three to underground tunnels.

Finally, a number of the crew, including Mai and Brides 6 and 7, seem to have disappeared. The Brides are together on Boros, and in the same tunnels as Citizen, Safe, and Jack.

Did I miss anything?

Oh, yes, and SoulofSerenity is still dead.



PERIPHERAL THREAD:

The Official 'Happy Birthday, ThatWeirdGirl!' Thread
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=15306

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Sunday, January 8, 2006 9:13 AM

THEREALME


35) THE SERENI-TREE, DEALINGS ON BOROS, AND MAI-QUEST 2

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=16179

With Mai missing from the Sereni-Tree, TheRealMe organized Mai-Quest 2 to find her. Other Questers included Ath, Serenity, Jake7, Rat, and PsychicRiver. Considering her condition as a mommy-to-be, Jazaf suggested that Serenity should refrain from going. The gaze she returned was painful, and he backed down. SimonWho stopped by to see everyone off. Everyone was somewhat surprised at the sudden appearance of LightMeDark just before their departure on the quest. TheRealMe put on his attire of protective black ribbons and opened a dimensional portal to wherever Mai was. The Questers jumped through, one by one.

The other end of the portal opened in some other reality right next to Mai, who was at that moment walking a plank on a pirate ship, being encouraged to do so by some nasty-looking pirates. Since the dimensional portal opened in mid-air over a long drop into the ocean, the Questers mostly fell, one by one, into shark-infested waters. The exceptions were Serenity, who could fly, and LightMeDark, who used his rather bizarre banana powers to get himself wedged in one of the ship’s cannons.

Serenity flew up to Mai, only to find that Mai was somewhat nuts, thinking that she was playing around in the Sereni-Tree’s water park. Mai jumped off the plank and made a fine dive.

In the shark-infested waters there were, naturally, sharks. TheRealMe was saved from being bit in half by his protective attire. Rat turned a number of sharks into pinkish froth with his Spamgun. Jake7 remained safe and dry (and unable to do much), bobbing about inside her force field bubble. PsychicRiver managed to climb up onto the ship, and tried ineffectively to lasso various people (and sharks). The pirates fired the cannon containing LightMeDark, propelling him a good long way.

On the deck of the pirate ship, a captive elf woman named KellyofLuthien was sent to the plank like Mai. At that moment, Cozen somehow appeared, flying in on a helicopter piloted by his under-paid and intoxicated Russian associate. In his usual manner, Cozen’s arrival made matters worse. He accidentally knocked Kelly into the water and then fell in himself.

Ath had been swimming over to rescue Mai (who had mistaken a shark for one of Bluefishie’s cute pets) when suddenly he experienced great pain and a pair of bat wings sprouted from his back. Ath rescued Mai, Kelly, and Cozen and (after handing Mai off to Serenity) flew to the deck of the pirate ship where a standoff began. Kelly used her Ring of Fire to herd some pirates into the ocean, but others appeared. In the water, Rat sprouted bug wings!

Meanwhile, on the Sereni-Tree: Lissa popped out from behind a door and said, “Boo!” Also, both Jazaf and Bride3 went to investigate some odd banging sounds in the cargo hold, during which they had a chat about Bride2’s determination to be a swordmaster. The banging turned out to be Bluefishie, stuck in a box.

Meanwhile, on Boros: Safe, Jack, Citizen, Bride6, and Bride7 all met in the tunnels while explosions were occurring above them. It seems that Bride6 and Citizen knew each other. Alliance soldiers may be looking for Jack and Safe, and Citizen wanted to know what was going on. They all went to a place Citizen knew and the Brothers Grimm told their story. The pair were former Alliance special ops soldiers who didn’t take kindly to the torture of innocent folk, so they killed their commander and went on the run. They had come to Boros because they had tracked another member of their old unit there.

Back on the Pirate ship, everyone made it up on the ship except LightMeDark, who was still flying about on a winged banana. Other pirates appeared and there was a stand-off. The pirates threatened mayhem. The Sereni-Tree crew clumped together defensively. These pirates were led by GedunkRose and included BlackJackRackham, Keeper of the Rum. Rose talked about the magical properties of these waters, which cause people to grow wings. Various of the Questers grew wings. PsychicRiver, up in the crow’s nest, spotted another ship approaching. It was captained by the pirate VoodooNell, who is Rose’s sister! LightMeDark rained bananas down on the pirates in an attempt to help his new friends.

Suddenly, from the still-opened dimensional portal came ThatWeirdGirl in her guise as the pirate Mad Anne Rackham. It turns out that the other pirates knew her, and everyone then became friends. Mai-Quest 2 complete, Our Heroes used a dimensional portal to return to the Sereni-Tree. In addition to those who call the Sereni-Tree home, LightMeDark, KellyofLuthien, GedunkRose, VoodooNell, and BlackJackRackham also came along.

BlackJackRackham hit his head and became delirious, so ThatWeirdGirl got him to the infirmary of Doctor SimonWho. TheRealMe took LightMeDark and Rat to the infirmary, too (Rat had lost his memory after bumping his own head). ThatWeirdGirl admitted that BlackJackRackham is her former husband! TheRealMe took Kelly to the ship’s kitchen where she prepared a magnificent feast! Ath has taken quite an interest in the beautiful red-haired elf-lady.

The Phantom floated unseen among the crew, beginning to make himself at home, though BlackJackRackham and VoodoNell might have seen SOMETHING of him. Phantom seemed to have aquired the ability to influence other people’s actions.

And SoulofSerenity is still dead!



PERIPHERAL THREAD:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=5&t=16729
"Free Sparky" A protest thread
Where Rat tries to get the alias free for use by TheRealMe's robot on the Sereni-Tree.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006 6:07 PM

THEREALME


36) THE SERENI-TREE AND NEW ARRIVALS

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=16740


Near the beginning of this thread is “TheRealMe’s Guide to the Sereni-Tree, V4”.

The inhabitants of the Sereni-Tree gladly consume the dinner cooked by KellyofLuthien.

The lady pirate captain GedunkRose departs the Sereni-Tree and returns to her ship by means of a dimensional portal of TheRealMe.

ThatWeirdGirl and her ex-husband BlackJackRackham have a reunion and heart-to-heart talk.

The mysterious Phantom that has been floating around since our return from the ]Arkham turns out to be the Soul of SoulofSerenity. He re-inhabits his mostly-dead body (which had been carefully preserved in cryo-stasis) and rejoins us! He has a joyful reunion with Serenity, and is deeply moved by their upcoming baby. Others express their happiness at his return, including Jazaf, TheRealMe, Jake7, and PsychicRiver. After being examined by Doctor SimonWho (at the request of TheRealMe), he resumes his duties as Security Chief and starts looking for new deputies, which seem to include Noskillz and PsychicRiver. When asked by Kelly, TheRealMe relates the epic tale of the death of Soul during the “Madness of Arkham” adventure.

A drunken Cozen staggers by, claiming to be the grandfather of the baby, since, during his time as a star cluster thingie, he created Serenity (and for that matter, Needleseye) along with the yeti and spiders and everything else on the planets of Rukus and Black Diamond. This astounding revelation is promptly ignored, as Cozen passes out.

Monkeytail wakes up behind the bar. He is helped by Noskillz.

Ath gets up nerve to talk to Kelly. They seem to hit it off. For some reason, Ath’s wings have not dissolved like others got from the Sea of Wings.

In the Infirmary, SimonWho receives PsychicRiver as a patient. PsychicRiver is afraid that he might be pregnant! ThatWeirdGirl takes her son aside and they have “the talk”. Later, PsychicRiver rigs up an odd piñata full of condoms. Mai is disappointed at the lack of candy, but she (and others) avail themselves of the falling prizes, just in case they prove useful later. VoodooNell offers to teach PR how to shoot and do other piratey things.

After waking up naked with a hangover (after Soul’s wake) in the “This Land” park, Bride2 has a few adventures with the mysterious stranger Scorpion Regent on her way to the water park to find some clothes. It turns out that Scorpion Regent just wants to find his captain, VoodooNell, to ask her if she wants to take over the Sereni-Tree! Meanwhile, Jazaf goes looking for his missing student, and finds her.

VoodooNell is revealed to be the slightly-shapeshifted Seryn, who owns a pair of trained attack bunnies. She dreads revealing the truth to Rackham, but it turns out okay. When approached by Scorpion Regent, Seryn/Nell revealed that she was not really Nell after all, and was thinking of quitting the pirate life. Also, while taking the Sereni-Tree would be easy, keeping it would be difficult. Seryn is curious about, and wary of, Noskillz’s huge cat, Shadow.

BlackJackRackham is revealed to be Jadehand, who seems to be the same individual except for the lack of an eyepatch and of the ability to magically refill his bottle of rum. Seryn/Nell and BlackJackRackham/Jadehand make some “Hello my name is” stickers to wear.

Serenity begins building a nest on the upper balcony over the Common Room. The mysterious ManInBlack arrives, begins tracking her with magic, and finally confronts her. PsychicRiver senses the intruder and sounds an alarm. ThatWeirdGirl leads the rescue, armed with her trusty hula hoop, but manages to do little more than disrupt the building of the nest. Luckily, it turns out that Xander and Ash only sent TheManInBlack deliver a singing telegram to Serenity. Seryn regrets that TheManInBlack did not stay long enough for her to get all lustful with him.

Mai and Elemdee talk about fruit: bananas vs strawberries! Then Mai rigs an automop to act as an auto-spinner to call out colors and body parts for a game of pants-less Twister. Or was that strip Twister? Participants included Mai, Ath, Monkeytail, Kelly (elves are limber!) and Elemdee.

Montanagirl didn’t do a lot, except get knocked over by a crate of Pepsi.

Bluefishie wandered around the ship, as usual.

Bored with amnesia, Rat regains his memories.

There is a lot of piratey angst as Scorpion Regent advises Seryn/Nell that being a priate captain is not a job that one can really resign from. Seryn has a plan, though, having already set up her cabinboy (secretly a girl) to replace her, or rather replace Nell, whom Seryn had already replaced (confused, yet?). The pirate Mad Morty poked his head in at the mention of his name, but promptly disappeared. Jadehand/BlackJackRackham offers a “Hello My Name Is Nell” sticker to help complete the cabin girl’s foolproof disguise. Scorpion Regent wanders off to the East Wing to find a room to sleep. He seems to be a fitful sleeper, to say the least!

ThatWeirdGirl makes pies of all kinds, including Frito Pie!

Finally, the Phantom of Arkham turns out NOT to have been SoulOfSerenity, but rather Soul’s soul was temporarily glued to it somehow. But with the revival of SoulOfSerenity, the Phantom is now free, and plotting its revenge.

Meanwhile, the game of strip-Twister continues, supplemented with pies from TWG.

On Boros: Our Heroes talk a bit in the back of Flechette’s restaurant. Somehow, things seem to be revolving around CallMeSerenity, her arch-enemy the scar guy, and possibly Needy the boy whore. Bride6 reveals that she is acquainted with Needy. When things get to hot for them in the restaurant, Citizen takes Safe, Jack, Bride6, and Bride7 through the tunnels to the Mother of All Armories.



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Wednesday, January 25, 2006 6:12 PM

THEREALME


37) THE SERENI-TREE, SETTLING IN, TWISTER, MORE PIRATEY ANGST, AND CONTINUING ADVENTURES ON BOROS

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=17126

On the Sereni-Tree:

LightMeDark, Jadehand, and XanderLHarris avail themselves of the bar. ScorpionRegent plays the tough guy with his captain, Seryn, while she tells him to lighten up. They reminisce about their old pirating days. SR realizes that during his regular disappearances, considerably more time has passed for him than for everyone else (years vs months!). Seryn contemplates leaving Sereni-Tree, which upsets PsychicRiver because she has not given him pirating lessons, yet. Then she goes to talk to Soul about Security issues. SR finds a room where he can rest and superglues the door shut.

Serenity informs Soul of the recent pirate-gram from the Man in Black and how ThatWeirdGirl mistakenly defended her with a hula hoop weapon, nearly destroying Serenity’s nest, but not to worry, for she rebuilt it!
Quote:

Soul: Um..you built a nest?

CMS: Of course! Where else do you think I'm going to have the baby?


BlueFishie dumps her blue fishies into their aquarium in the water park, then jumps in herself. Jazaf joins her in the park, taking a dip in the globe of zero-gee Abyss fluid.

LightMeDark, Mai, CallMeAth, and Kelly are still playing strip-Twister, while Noskillz watches. When the sinister unseen Phantom joins in the game, it disappears in a poof of childish joy! Mai, Ath, and Kelly eventually lose the contest and get pant-less (ie, trouser-less), revealing interesting undergarments.

Hearing a disturbance with her elf-ears, Kelly has Jadehand investigate ThatWeirdGirl in the kitchen, who is found passed out, covered with pie. He attempts to carry her to the Infirmary, but collides with the newly arrived ItsAWash, and they all fall into an unconscious heap. Distracted by the pants-less Twister, TheRealMe slips in pie filling and joins them. TWG awakens, and takes the pie-covered Washie and Jadehand to her quarters for a group shower. TRM sighs at being left behind, and gets Sparky to clean the mess up with a mop.

Serenity talks to the two-headed Xander/Ash, who become upset when they discover that their pirate-gram Roberts is already gone. Apparently, they are afraid he will find that they stole his ship! “Innocent fun” they call it. Serenity remarks that they have gotten themselves in quite a pickle, then, “Mmm...pickles. Wonder if there are any left in the kitchen...”

Quote:
Seryn wrote:
Wait! are you talking about Dread Pirate Roberts? *flutters* wow, you met him? You spent enough time with him for him to want to kill you? Oh you guys are so lucky...


Serenity wonders why her brother Ath still has wings, since only females on their world do. They talk about an ancient myth of their culture. Then she goes to the kitchen for some food, and to tell Kelly about her garden. Kelly is delighted to hear about the garden… what elf wouldn’t!

Trey returns to her bar, a little upset that folks have been helping themselves!

PsychicRiver demands a meeting! Some folks start to collect.

Kelly goes to change clothes, and in an old wardrobe she discovers a portal to Narnia! Huh! She heads back to the meeting.

Quote:
Cozen wrote:
*One of TheRealMe’s dimensional portals forms an indiscrete event horizon in a prominent corner of the Sereni-Tree’s common room. Through the shimmering haze a rather confused looking llama nimbly leaps on to the floor, skidding a bit on the slick hardwood surface. Trailing behind the llama is a leather tether. Attatched to the trailing end of the tether is cozen, who whiplashes through the rapidly diminishing portal and lands, inevitably, face first into the llama’s arse end, right underneath its upraised tail.*

*The llama idly kicks cozen aside as it sniffs its new environ. After a minimal hesitation it ambles off to the popcorn kettle in the kitchen. It headbutts the kettle off the stove and with little or no concern for propriety sets to snarfling the yummy contents.*

*cozen wipes his face with a corner of his vicuña fiber poncho, muttering something about losing a bet whilst experimenting with various formulations of tequilas at the bar in Escondite Hernando (which he thinks might have been in Peru, but coulda been somewhere in Bolivia or maybe even Tucumcarey, he hasn’t quite yet mastered TRM’s “borrowed” tech so it’s possible it might have been a soundstage in Londonderry and where did this digression go?). He notes the gathering of folk.*

Um, I had this dream about a call for a meeting?

*He makes for the couch, his stride looking for all the world as if he has an entire roll of toilet paper crammed up his wazoo. He plops down beside mailmd (for they seem kinda entwined, as it were). They heroically refrain from commenting on cozens’ odiferousness. The llama, done with the popcorn appetizer, sorta skitters over to the couch. The llama smells a lot like cozen. cozen introduces the beast, name of Schwartz.*

*Schwartz sniffs at the couch, then begins to eat it.*


PsychicRiver addresses the crowd. With all the new people, he wants to take stock of the situation. Take attendance? Assign rooms? Jobs? He also wants help finding out who his future father will be. Also, is his presence in this time screwing up the future? And what about long-lost Emma? And could we try some karaoke tonight?

Quote:
ThatWeirdGirl replied:
and I have an idea about that time thing *twg looks up at him and smiles.* I figure we have to keep a look out for a ruthless cyborg bent on our destruction. *Ath starts laughing* ...whatever...i know who it is.

Note that this comment, probably about the Terminator movies, becomes much more interesting once McQ joins our crew in a later thread!

Mai offers to give a guided tour of the Sereni-Tree right after the meeting. To prepare for karaoke, Mai downs a couple of bottles of 99-fruit booze that LightMeDark passes her.

When Cozen does not appear up to the challenge, Serenty attempts to lead the llama off to a stall in the piffleranch.

Seryn brings a huge stack of popcorn bowls from the kitchen, but cannot turn the industrial-strength popcorn maker off! She starts punching buttons and flipping switches, but then MORE popcorn starts spewing from the thing and it starts vibrating its way across the kitchen, even when its plug is pulled! ScorpionRegent moves to protect Seryn by interposing his body. They disconnect the backup battery, but that only slows it down. SR prepares to dump the device out an airlock, but TheRealMe tells the popcorn machine to stop. He explains that most things on the ship are voice-activated. SR is annoyed that there is no obvious off switch. TRM passes out com-links to everyone. SR departs the Sereni-Tree in something of a huff.

Doctor SimonWho tells PsychicRiver that he’s tested every man aboard the ship, and has not found his father. He’ll continue testing new men as we meet them. ThatWeirdGirl rolls her eyes and drags SimonWho away, then asks him if he has yet scanned HIMSELF for the proper DNA sequence to be PR’s father. He does so, and… well, it seems to match. SimonWho and ThatWeirdGirl will someday be PsychicRiver’s parents. SW suddenly has trouble breathing, and TWG comforts him with the idea that nothing has to happen soon. PR catches enough of this conversation to know the truth.

Mai’s tour of the ship begins! She starts at the top of the North Wing, in the “This Land” theme park / game preserve / miniature golf course. She introduces folks to her dinosaur, Frederick. Then they settle down for a picnic. During the tour, Seryn asks Jadehand about his special nametags. There seems to be some love triangleish thing going on between Seryn, Jadehand, and Washie. JH seems drowned in piratey angst. JH talks briefly with ScorpionRegent, but perhaps he’s had a bit too much to drink. Seryn and Washie work things out, and Seryn goes to comfort JH.

While the tour is going on, Serenity drags in a large crate to show Soul. Since they are expecting a baby, she thought that it would be a good idea to practice at being parents, first. This is the robotic practice baby, the Baby3000! She puts the doll in Soul’s care, and it immediately starts to cry. Soul tries to pass the doll to his friend Jazaf for a minute, but it smacks Jazaf right in the face. “You’re not my daddy!” Soul yells for Serenity. As soon as she returns, the doll is happy again. Serenity chides the men that taking care of a baby isn’t so hard. It coos and laughs happily as Serenity holds it high. She suggests the name ‘CallMeCharlie’. She puts it on her shoulder. When Serenity isn’t looking, the doll gestures obscenely at Jazaf and Soul. The two men exchange significant glances. Jazaf mouths, “Demon Robot Child!” TRM will later coin the name ‘CallMeChucky’.

When asked, TheRealMe gives a careful accounting of our non-progress in finding Emma. Also, he produces a list of all folks who might be aboard the ship and gives a list of possible job openings. Washie is interested in being ship’s counselor, Ath and Bride5 want to be pilots. LightMeDark has several interests, but the best fit is animal handler. Seryn wants to be a shuttle pilot. Jadehand, a brewmaster. Seryn is alarmed that she did not bring a resume. She quickly grabs a crayon and starts writing information on her arms and legs. Jadehand pulls off some sheets from a pad of paper and gives it to Seryn. The sheets he pulled off contain plans to the Ocean Cloud,, a shuttle with cloaking technology that he is thinking of building. When Jadehand presents TRM with a list of parts needed for the Ocean Cloud, he is referred to Rat, the Acquisitions Officer. At this point the Ocean Cloud Scam begins to develop as Rat, Seryn, and Jadehand try to figure out how to get the money to buy the parts.


On Boros:

Safe, Citizen, Jack, Bride6, and Bride7 take interesting items from Citizen’s impressive secret armory. Meanwhile, they talk about formulating a plan to get off of Boros. Safe wants more information, first. He would like to meet this Needy guy who Citizen mentioned, and asks what he (Safe) owes Citizen for the help. Citizen thinks he smells some profit, wondering why the Alliance is getting so worked up. Bride6 and Jack are flirting, until Bride6 is distracted by a ROCKET LAUNCHER. “No Rockets!” Citizen warns. Bride6 pouts.

Elsewhere, a man with Blue Gloves has taken an interest in Safe and Jack and has connected them with the Sereni-Tree through some starport security camera vids.

Safe, Citizen, Jack, Bride6, and Bride7 head off to talk to Needy, a male companion in the local Companion House. Needy relates the history of his friend CallMeSerenity when she was on Boros some years back, how she learned to use the katana from an oriental master, and how she ran afoul of the scar-faced man named Hienz, who is connected with the local criminal element.

ScorpionRegent interrupts the story as he carries in a wounded companion and warns about an unpleasant group of people approaching the House. They are about to be surrounded!

Soon, demands are made by a Bluehands in a grey suit, with Heinz the scar-faced man standing close by. They call on Safe to surrender. It seems that the authorities outside the house have a hostage, the only other survivor of Safe and Jack’s military unit, the very man they came to Boros to find. Of course, the Bluehands threatens to kill the guy! Those inside get ready for a fight. Citizen asks Bride6 if she brought that rocket launcher he asked her not to bring.

By this time, ScorpionRegent has maneuvered himself to be outside the perimeter of Alliance soldiers, observing them from a sniper’s position. He unlimbers his rifle and begins to pick out his targets.

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Sunday, February 5, 2006 7:54 AM

THEREALME


38) THE SERENI-TREE, AN EVIL DOLL, AND A SHOWDOWN ON BOROS

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=17378


Adventures on the Sereni-Tree:

TheRealMe takes over from Mai in showing new people around the Sereni-Tree. He shows KellyOfLuthien the cargo bay that holds the pifflepony ranch. Kelly quickly bonds with a white pifflepony that she names Shadowfax. Later, Kelly plants a special seed in the forest near the piffleranch and use her elvish magics to create a mallorn tree to be the home of herself and ner new friend, Piffle101.

Rat, Seryn, and Jadehand consider a plan where they can gather enough funds to build the Ocean Cloud, a shuttle of Jadehand’s design that comes equipped with a cloaking device. At first, Rat suggests robbing our future selves some time after the shuttle is built, but later, considering their skills and contacts, they decide to rob a mining colony for the necessary platinum, instead.

Serenity scolds TheRealMe for referring to her new (evil) robot practice baby, the Baby 3000, as “CallMeChucky”. She hands the doll over to an apprehensive SoulOfSerenity as she goes off to weed her garden. CallMeChucky promptly hypnotizes Soul into destroying the Sereni-Tree.

Meanwhile, SimonWho and ThatWeirdGirl are feeling weird after the discovery that someday, they will be the parents of PsychicRiver. They are uncomfortable around each other, which TWG deems silly, seeing as they have known each other for a year. For old time’s sake, they start a pie fight. (Later the couple gets around to some Olympic level “flirting”.)

As it happens, the hypnotized Soul wanders near with CallMeChucky and gets a pie, SPLAT in his face, breaking the doll’s hold over him. He is confused, and goes to change the baby’s diaper instead. Later, Serenity is shocked when she discovers Soul trying to drown CallMeCharlie in a toilet! She rescues the doll and departs in a huff. Soul begins to plot how he will destroy the thing.

TheRealMe continues the job interviews from last thread, at Seryn’s suggestion giving Bride5 the job of backup pilot to Seryn on the Bonaparte and to Ath on the Sereni-Tree. Seryn names Bride5 “Quincey”. Seryn also asks to tinker with the Alliance fighter in the Hanger Bay. LightMeDark applies for the job of animal trainer, revealing that he has the power to understand animal languages, both spoken and written! Ath, having been given the Assistant Pilot job of Sereni-Tree, changes into his Hawaiian shirt and takes his toys to the Bridge. Ash/XanderLHarris applies to become a deputy.

ItsAWash, who has been made Ship’s Counsellor, asks for a room in a central location with a jacuzzi. TheRealMe puts her in the first room on the lower floor of the North Wing, near the water park, the former room of River-clone. Later, Wash is awoken during the night by a ghost-girl who warns her of evil. She writes down everything she can remember.

Like any faithful son, PsychicRiver fiddles with the extradimensional blue box of his future father, but cannot break in. Later, he gets a hammer from Engineering and goes to the ladies’ room to also destroy CallMeChucky. Serenity defends again! Seryn arrives, first to stop PR, but then she takes the hammer up herself! Jadehand sends out an alarm. Cozen ties his llama Schwarts off at the doorway to the ladies’ room and slips in, to show all that CallMeChucky/Charlie is actually a girl-bot. Odd, as Serenity had ordered a boy-bot. Somehow, this defuses the tense situation. Ath, TheRealMe, and others arrive to answer the alarm, but by then things have been resolved. When Mai stops by and first sees the cute doll, she squeals with delight and volunteers to babysit! Serenity gladly accepts, grousing about the violent men and ex-pirates who want to harm Charlie.

Serenity decides that her nest, perched on the upper balcony, is not very restful. She gets PsychicRiver’s help in moving it to the observation lounge on the roof. This displaces PR, but he is invited to move in with his mom-to-be, ThatWeirdGirl.

Seryn checks out the Hanger Bay, finding the Alliance fighter and the Bonaparte, among other toys. Seryn and Jadehand refine the “Ocean Cloud” plan after realizing that JH’s name tags can alter the person they are applied to. Seryn gets JH to turn her into “Penny Crayon” who has a magic crayon. “Penny” uses the plans of the Ocean Cloud to draw a life-sized copy of the shuttle, which is made real by the crayon! They just need to be careful to keep an eraser away from it. As a final touch, she draws a small plastic dinosaur on the control station, but forgets to specify “plastic”. The tiny dino comes alive. She makes a second dino, for fun.

With great effort, TheRealMe opens a tiny dimensional portal to Bride6 and Bride7, and gets enough information to know that they are in trouble with Safe and Jack on Boros. TRM plots a course to Boros. Unfortunately, his portal powers need to recharge after their over-use in Mai-Quest2.

Kelly shows Ath her new tree-home. He clumsily begins a conversation, asking where she is from. She tells him of her home in Middle Earth. He begins to tell her of himself when TheRealMe announces that the first of Static, Ath, or Quincey on the Bridge can pilot the Sereni-Tree. Ath makes it to the Bridge, annoyed that TheRealMe is missing. Quincey runs in soon after, dripping wet and wrapped in only a towel. She has lost again!

Bluefishie puts in an appearance.

Jazaf stops Mai with the evil doll. Mai’s eyes are completely white and she is speaking in tandem with it. He tries to take it away, but she grabs it back and stomps off, convinced that Serenity was correct about the men being insane. She heads toward the main airlock.

Seryn, Jadehand, and Rat are joined in the Hanger Bay by TheRealMe (and later by ItsAWash and SoulOfSerenity). TRM is impressed by the crayon-created Ocean Cloud, and thinks that its cloaking tech would be good in a Boros rescue. TRM is impressed by Seryn’s work on the fighter, too. JH lets TRM in on plans for the Ocean Cloud Scam. Soul tells of his misgivings regarding the evil doll.

Serenity wakes from her nap and cannot find Mai. She goes to the Hanger Bay to talk to TRM and Soul about it. It seems that Mai was last seen glassy-eyed and heading toward the main airlock. “Didn’t even say hello? That doesn’t sound like Mai!”

Before the group can depart the Hanger Bay to investigate, a klaxon sounds and warning lights flash. The computer broadcasts a message:

“Warning! The main airlock safety protocol has been over-ridden. Both inner and outer doors are being opened. This procedure is not recommended.”

The group runs toward the Common Room, but a safety door shuts, trapping them in the Hanger Bay. The air in the Common Room begins to be vented into space. The emergency safety doors do not stop Soul, who uses his power to phase through. Serenity gets somewhat hysterical over Soul, but is calmed by Wash. TheRealMe tries to get the EVA pods launched quickly to retrieve any survivors.

Down in the Common Room, Mai comes to her senses as she realized that she just opened the airlock, but CallMeChucky starts to choke her before she can close the doors. Luckily, Cozen is wandering by from a trip to the cargo levels, his llama Schwartz loaded down with other people’s stuff. Schwartz noses the “shut” button and the doors close before anyone is swept into outer space. Mai and the doll are knocked unconscious due to wind buffeting. Soul witnesses the llama heroics.

Soul goes over to Mai, Cozen, and Schwartz, but is attacked by CallMeChucky, who is armed with corkscrews, icepicks, and other implements from the bar. Kelly arrives with her bow. Soul shoots a special arrow into the doll’s chest which causes it to short-circuit, burst into flame, and fall over. He walks up to check it out, and unwisely turns his back. The flaming doll leaps up and deeply impales his shoulder with an icepick. Kelly keeps the doll from getting more weapons by spearing its hands with a pair of arrows. Serenity, freed from the hanger bay, flies down and chops the doll to bits with her katanas. Then she moves to dote over Soul. “I told you so!” he says of the doll.

Jadehand arrives and puts the burning doll bits out with a fire extinguisher. He and Wash think it should be examined. Wash collects the bits in a bucket, but thinks they are still active with power. JH finds a Blue Sun logo among the bits.

Kelly works some healing elf-magic on Soul’s shoulder, then Serenity, Jadehand, and Seryn take Soul to the Infirmary to be treated by SimonWho. Serenity keeps Soul in his bed when he tries to resume his duties. She fusses over Soul for a time, then wants lasagna

TheRealMe arrives, to see the Common Room in shambles due to the high winds. Wash discovers the wounded Bride3. TheRealMe and Wash make a kissie to help her wound.

PsychicRiver gets into the hover-mule Thingamyjig II and takes it for a ride through the extradimensional portal to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree, then elsewhere on Earth-That-Still-Is. He leaves TWG a note that says not to worry, so she starts to worry. She searches the entire ship for him, to no avail.

Largely unnoticed during the battle with CallMeChucky, Cozen ditches a remote (later found by ItsAWash) and he takes the unconsious Mai back to his quarters, along with lots of other people’s stuff that he has tied to his llama. Once there, Cozen lays her on his bed and starts putting other people’s clothes on top of her, which, sleeping fitfully, she kicks off one by one. Mai awakens, thinking to have heard the voice of LightMeDark.

LightMeDark has been looking around for the missing Mai. He falls into a violent dream of being elsewhere, but he is brought back by Kelly with a splash of water to his face.

Serenity reveals her backstory to TheRealMe and Ath. She fears that her past association with Scarface (Heinz) may bring disaster to the Sereni-Tree.

Both the Sereni-Tree and the Ocean Cloud (even after being shot with bullets) check out fine.

Adventures on Boros:

Our Heroes SafeAt2nd, CastIronJack, Citizen, Bride6, and Bride7 have been In the Companion Training house on Boros, talking to Needy the Boy Whore who told them some details of Serenity’s life as regards her arch-enemy the Scarface Guy. However, they are surrounded on all sides by the Scarface guy, the Bluehands guy, and a bunch of Alliance goons, who hold a friend of Safe and Jack. Citizen longs for the rocket launcher that he told Bride6 not to bring. Outside, ScorpionRegent attempts to make contact with a flashlight, but it is seen by Bride6, who cannot read code.

Safe cautions everyone that if they give into the Alliance demands to “just talk”, that will result in everyone in the Compainion house being killed. Their best bet is escape down the tunnels, but what about the friend of Safe’s that the Alliance holds hostage? Well, that fellow is executed! Jack goes nuts and must be restrained by Citizen. Safe is plagued by doubts.

Outside the house, ScorpionRegent starts firing into the Alliance group that just shot Safe’s friend. He drops a few, then departs before they can swarm him.

Around the house, guys in grey suits and blue gloves activate a sonic-based slow-motion field to envelop the house, and to which they are immune. Everything else is in slow motion, even fired bullets! When they unleash the monkeys, Safe and Citizen know it is best to escape into the tunnels, scattering grenades behind them. Needy tells of a client who owns a hanger with some mothballed spacecraft that could get them away from Boros.

Needy then departs with most of the locals toward that hanger, while Safe and Citizen lead the rest elsewhere. Through an intermediary, it seems that ScorpionRegent had already made contact with Citizen and they arranged to meet at the derelict town hall. SR gets into a cab and both bribes the cabbie with a diamond and threatens the cabbie with explosives to take him there.

When Citizen, Safe, Jack, Bride6, and Bride7 arrive at the derelict town hall, they see a statue of Citizen’s ancestor who founded the colony. Citizen talks of this, and explains the space monkeys that had been used against Our Heroes. They prepare themselves to meet ScorpionRegent, assuming it’s a trap. Bride6: "You know what Jayne-clone2 would say? 'Live or die, this here has the makin' of a mighty fine shoot-out!'"

ScorpionRegent is delivered by the cabbie, who proves to be a traitor, but is killed by the Alliance anyway. SR walks in to meet Our Heroes face to face. There is something of an uneasy standoff, but they come to an understanding. SR recognizes the Brides as coming from the Sereni-Tree. They move out. Down below, Safe threatens SR and gives him a stern warning against treachery, which upsets Bride6. The Alliance goons blow up Citizen’s town hall.


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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:23 AM

THEREALME


39) THE SERENI-TREE, THE OCEAN CLOUD, AND ESCAPE FROM BOROS

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=17692


Oh the Sereni-Tree:

It seems that there is a certain amount of couple-activity going on, with Soul and Serenity, Mai and Elemdee, and (with aid from Cupid-Soul on Valentine’s day) Ath and Kelly, as well as ItsAWash and TheRealMe. There have been picnics and parties and a great time had by all.

The ghost of Riverclone is still haunting her old room, now occupied by Washie.

The Ocean Cloud Scam on Grendel’s Find (involving Jadehand, Seryn, Rat, Quincey, Cozen, Mai, LMD, and TheManInBlack disguised as Washie) went off without a hitch, or only a few, with lots of platinum acquired by the conspirators to construct the real shuttle. Jadehand’s Nametags of Shapeshifting came in very handy, as he pretended to be Serenity’s arch-enemy from Boros, Heinz the Scar-faced guy, and bullied platinum out of the locals. I can’t wait until the real Heinz finds out! Rat wants to head off to Earth-That-Still-Thinks-Digital-Watches-Are-Cool to buy stuff, but the Sereni-Tree is currently heading to Boros to rescue our missing crewmates.

MALICIOUS RETURNED TO GRACE US WITH HER PRESENCE! ALL HAIL THE MISTRESS MOST HIGH!

PsychicRiver used the permanent dimensional portal in Engineering (who knew that it was still working!) to return to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree on Earth-That-Still-Is. From there, he summoned his pifflepony friend Ororo for some solo adventure.

Also, Seryn seems to have developed extensive personal shapeshifting powers, and has lately adopted the form of a MysteryMan (one even more mysterious than Jazaf!).

Soul decides that he wants to marry the pregnant Serenity, and consults with her brother, Ath. Then he gets a diamond from Rat, and platinum from Jadehand, and gets Jazaf to metal-shape an engagement ring for him, but Cozen’s llama Schwartz swallows it! Llama-kabobs, anyone?



On Boros:

The group with Safe, Jack, Citizen, ScorpionRegent, Bride6, and Bride7 wandered through tunnels to arrive at an alley near a hanger that Needy told them about. The group with Needy, Amylisai, Flechette, and Versereader have done the same, though by a different path and after escaping a nasty encounter with the Alliance.

Safe’s group gets out of the tunnels and Bride6 shows that she is handy with a gun, but crossfire from Alliance troops from either ends of the alley have caused problems, and, despite much clever gunplay, grenade-tossing, and dumpster-moving, Our Heroes have been pinned down. Needy’s group (at least he and Flechette) have joined this firefight. Needy and Bride6 have been severely wounded, while Safe and Flechette have been hit as well.



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Sunday, February 26, 2006 6:25 AM

THEREALME


40) SERENI-TREE, BOROS CLIFFHANGER, ENGAGING PARAMOURS

http://fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=18193


(Interim Summary. Wow, as the stories get more detailed and complex, they get harder to summarize!)

Oh the Sereni-Tree:

Just as the starship Sereni-Tree is nearing Boros to pick up its misplaced crew, it is intercepted by a threatening Alliance Cruiser. Ath is piloting, and ThatWeirdGirl and TheRealMe are called to the bridge. TheRealMe has a plan to secretly recover the Boros folk, even with Alliance scrutiny, but it requires him to be present on site to make dimensional portals. He puts TWG in command of the Sereni-Tree and calls for the quick launch of the Ocean Cloud, because he thinks that the SEP field on that craft will let them slip away invisibly. TRM encourages TWG to use her Confusion power on the Alliance ship, then he departs for the hanger. A second Alliance ship appears. The sneering Alliance officer tells Ath and TWG that they know everything that is going on, because they have a mole aboard the Sereni-Tree! In particular, the SEP field will not be effective!

SoulOfSerenity and Jazaf make it to the Bridge. ThatWeirdGirl discovers that her Confusion power doesn’t work well at a distance. TWG’s nine Yeti friends make it to the Bridge to pledge their help. Deuce squeezes by the creatures to be at Jazaf’s side. Soul uses his desolidification power to phase through the Sereni-Tree, fly across space, and re-solidify inside the Alliance cruiser Tripoli. With him, Soul has brought TWG and Ervin the Yeti.

TWG left Ath in command of the Sereni-Tree. Ath calls for battle stations and gets the crew ready to repel borders. He sends the remaining Yeti down to protect the Common Room. He asks SimonWho to keep Bluefishie, Piffle, and some other non-combatants safe in his Blue Box. SimonWho agrees, and gets to working on a deus ex machina, just in case we need one. Jake7, Kelly, Jazaf, and Deuce crew the Sereni-Tree’s weapon turrets to defend the ship. Serenity, Mai, and LightMeDark hide in the Sereni-Tree’s animal park, protected by Kelly’s Elvish wards (though Mai and LMD soon wander off to investigate an out-of-the-way, private, and romantic spot for “danger” – a cave).

In the hanger, when they hear that the SEP field of the Ocean Cloud will not fool the Alliance ships, TRM makes a change of plan (after dumping the possibly bugged platinum into a cargo bay). Everything gets loaded into the Napoleon Bonaparte instead. TRM remote pilots the Ocean Cloud out of the hanger first, and Quincey pilots the Bonaparte after it, shrunk to a tiny size. When the Alliance blows up the Cloud, the tiny Bonaparte speeds away to Boros, pretending to be a piece of the Cloud’s wreckage. TheRealMe makes contact with the missing crew on Boros through one of his tiny dimensional portals, but he only gets partial information on their location. They re-enter and head toward the city of Boros Prime. On the Bonaparte are Jadehand, Quincey, TheRealMe, and Monkeytail.

Meanwhile, Seryn makes contact with the Alliance ship in order to surrender herself! She flies the stolen Alliance fighter Nandi out of the Sereni-Tree’s hanger and to the Alliance cruiser Tripoli. There is clearly some “history” here, and they act glad to get their hands on her. Seryn seems to be some kind of Alliance Operative on the run, but swears to Ath that she is not “the mole”. After some conversations, the Alliance types seem more friendly to the Sereni-Tree and one of the Alliance ships starts to back way… but it is a TRAP!


On Boros:

As a result of the firefight in the alley, the badly wounded Needy is loaded onto an Alliance truck by Flechette, Versa, and Amy, and they drive off. They stick a sonic mine on him to slow down the bleeding. While he is lying there, Needy has a significant near-death other-worldly experience where he meets an angel resembling CallMeSerenity (or perhaps, dreaming about Serenity is typical for him ). That group drives the truck to the hanger, breaking through a gate to get there.

Meanwhile, Safe, Jack, Citizen, ScorpionRegent, Bride6, and Bride7 win the firefight in the alley, greatly helped by Bride7 using a smoke grenade to (accidentally) get behind the Alliance troops to catch them in cross-fire. SR is lost and left behind when he is wounded and wanders off in the smoke into the back of some store. The rest proceed to the hanger, half-carrying each other. During this time, TheRealMe makes contact with them through one of his tiny dimensional portals, but he only gets partial information on their location. At the hanger, Safe and company notice the truck Needy and friends went off in, and see that Alliance types are also present and are holding Needy and Amylisai hostage! On the floor from her wounds, Bride6 gets ready to shoot. Bride7 pulls the pins on some grenades, holds their spoons, and advances, daring the Alliance to shoot her. However, in the middle of this confrontation, Needy suddenly acquires River-like strength, speed, and agility (inspired by his memories of Serenity-angel) and he beats the crap out of the Alliance goons that were threatening Amylisai and him. But where are Flechette and Versa? It is revealed that they are being held by eight more soldiers. Action pauses, as the BlueHands threatens the group yet again. Then the soldier holding Flechette shoots Needy, wounding him again!

Outside the hanger, the Bonaparte finally shows up. There are lots of Alliance troops surrounding the hanger, and at least one Bluehands. Jadehand distributes some nametags and then the Jade Iceman, Obi-Real Kenobi, and Monkeytail (just Monkeytail?) jump out to fight. Quincey circles around in the Bonaparte to provide intelligence and air cover. Jade Iceman blocks the hanger entrances with a foot-think wall of ice and with the help of the telekinetic Force powers of Obi-Real Kenobi, gets some grenades in a position to blow up some vehicles, their spoons frozen in place in a block of ice to keep them from exploding… until the ice melts.

Back inside the hanger, Flechette had been playing possum, and takes out the soldier that had been holding her, who shot Needy. The wounded Bride6, laying on the floor some distance away, had been waiting for an opening, and blows away the soldier holding Versa. Jack starts blazing away with machine pistols, spraying death. Bride7 tosses both of her grenades at the feet of the remaining soldiers and they scatter. Bride6 and Citizen drop a few more as they attempt to escape through the hole in the side door made by the truck. But the last two are encased in a wall of ice that suddenly appears to block that exit. The BlueHands grabs for his pencil sonic weapon device, but Safe shoots it out of his hand. This leaves the BlueHands inside, alone with Safe, Jack, Citizen, Bride6, Bride7, Needy, Flechette, Versa, and Amylisai.

Outside the hanger, Jadehand changes nametags to become a steel-skinned super-strong Colossus. The grenades go off, blowing up a transport and throwing an Alliance squad into the ice wall surrounding the hanger. A Bluehands shouts orders, attempting to rally his troops. Just then, Jade Colossus, Obi-Real Kenobi, and Monkeytail leap over a large shipping container to confront the villain.


On the Alliance cruiser Killgore:

The wounded and bleeding ScorpionRegent, lost in the firefight on Boros, winks into existence on the Killgore, deposits the bomb he had been carrying, and winks away again. An explosion rocks that ship, damaging it significantly.


On the Alliance cruiser Tripoli:

Seryn is captured as soon as she climbs out of her fighter, the Nandi, and is taken into an interrogation chamber and exposed to sonic torture with one of those weird bluehands pencil things. In the Tripoli’s hanger bay, the stowaway PsychicRiver opens a secret panel in the Nandi, climbs out, and takes care of the guards. He makes his way to the interrogation room where Seryn resides to help free her (with help from her killer bunnies) and they make their way toward the bridge. On the way, Seryn and PR run into ThatWeirdGirl, Ervin the Yeti, and Soul. TWG is Confusing enemies, Soul is shooting them with his bow and arrows, and Ervin is conga-dancing. After TWG scolds PR for getting himself into so much trouble, they join forces to try to stop a plot they overheard about sending borders over to fill the Sereni-Tree with poison gas! When Alliance troops start coming, Ervin volunteers to stay behind to hold the corridor while the others continue with the mission. They decide to replace the poison gas earmarked for the Sereni-Tree with water vapor from the Sea of Wings. As this mission is completed (TWG easily Confused the guards on the gas cannisters), Seryn tells the others to get away in a shuttle and she will go back to find Ervin and take him out in the Nandi. She does not reveal to ThatWeirdGirl, Soul, or PsychicRiver that the sonic torture she suffered has made her deaf!


Back on the Sereni-Tree:

Cozen begins an ill-advised attempt to kidnap Jake7 and subject her to pleasurable torture while she is trying to lead the other gunners in shooting the enemy. Sadly (for us, not necessarily her), she is distracted by his efforts and they end up in some luxury suite of rooms in the East Wing.

ScorpionRegent winks into existence on the upper balcony of the Sereni-Tree, and is discovered and taken to the Infirmary by Sparky. When Sparky gets befuddled by “Three Laws of Robotics” conflict, SimonWho shoves Sparky out of the way and stops SR’s bleeding, then gets back to his Blue Box to keep working on his deus ex machina. SR arranges to inject himself with a substance of questionable legality and safety, but it certainly perks him up!

Without Jake7 in her turret, the Sereni-Tree suffers several crippling hits from the Tripoli, despite Ath’s fancy flying. The Sereni-Tree and inhabitants are shaken up in the fine tradition of the Original Star Trek, and it suffers a loss of power. Emergency lights come on, and klanking can be heard on the hull as the “poison” canisters are put in place. They activate, and everyone on the Sereni-tree grows wings (including the animals in the “This Land” park, which are being organized by LightMeDark and Mai). From Engineering, Jet calls Ath with a status report: things look bad (though Cozen somehow arrives in Engineering and fixes the engines through a dangerous and seemingly random jury-rigging).

Kelly leaves her non-functional turret and tracks down Serenity, giving her the elvish sword “Nardol” and offering to protect her with the Ring of Fire. *EDIT* No, Kelly gave Ath the sword, later.

An enemy shuttle docks with the Sereni-Tree, with orders to capture a woman with wings, but anything else can be shot on sight. Ath calls for anyone who can still fight to gather in the Common Room to repel boarders. Trey has fortified her bar, Sparky and the Ebo Golem stack obstacles in front of the main airlock, and eight yeti, Nugget the Meteor Troll, and Frederick the dinosaur await the invasion. Scorpion Regent has taken up position on the upper balcony opposite the airlock and near the Bridge entrance, to act as a sniper.

And remember, just about everybody on the Sereni-tree has grow wings!

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Thursday, March 9, 2006 7:27 PM

THEREALME


41) DEFENDING SERENI-TREE AND LIFT-OFF FROM BOROS

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=18568

On Boros:

Making use of Jadehand’s Nametags of Shapeshifting, Jadehand (in the guise of various X-Men), TheRealMe (in the guise of Obi-Real Kenobi), and Monkeytail hold off the Alliance troops outside the hanger on the outskirts of Boros Prime. Inside the hanger, the last Bluehands is dealt with (BTW, the grenades tossed in the previous thread by Bride7 turned out to have been intentional duds, for “psychological warfare”). Then, SafeAt2nd, Citizen, Bride6, Bride7, and Needy take one craft (an ISSCV) and CastIronJack, Flechette, Versa, and Amylisai take another and both lift off from Boros. Quincey, still flying above in the Bonaparte, provides them covering fire as they depart the planet. Safe’s crew and Quincey plan to return to Sereni-Tree. Flechette’s crew plans to go off somewhere to support the underground. Unbeknownst to Safe’s crew, they have a pair of young stowaways on board. Once they are away, TheRealMe, Jadehand, and Monkeytail steal an old Eagle transport from the hanger and follow them.



In space near Boros:

SoulofSerenity, ThatWeirdGirl, and PsychicRiver escape the Triploi in a stolen shuttle. Soul uses his phasing power to float into the Sereni-Tree’s common room where the big battle is occurring. TWG and PR land in the Sereni-Tree’s Hanger Bay and make their way to the Infirmary through twisty air ducts. Somewhat later, the newly deaf Seryn and Ervin the Yeti escape from the Tripoli in her fighter, the Nandi, after hacking into the Tripoli’s self destruct programs.



In the Sereni-Tree Common Room:

The Killgore has docked with the Sereni-Tree and sends over a boarding party. They burn through the main airlock into the Sereni-Tree’s Common Room. Their first attacks destroy Sparky and severely damage the Ebo Golem (who had both been piling rubble to block the airlock). Ath, Kelly, Soul, Trey, Washie, the rest of the Yeti, Nugget the Meteor Troll, and perhaps others stand to repel boarders. ScorpionRegent takes up a position on the upper balcony to act as a sniper. At that moment down in Main Engineering, Jet and Cozen are working on repairs. Cozen crosses the wrong wires, almost electrocuting himself and plunging the entire ship into darkness. The invading Alliance troops turn on their night-vision goggles, putting Our Heroes on the defensive. Ath and Trey are wounded, and taken to the Infrimary, though Trey quickly returns to the action. Washie somehow merges her mind with the Ghost of River-clone, and wields significant psychic power. Kelly exerts power through Narya, the Ring of Fire, and illuminates the Common Room, blinding the Alliance troops. The Alliance commander sends in his secret weapon, a cyborg called McQ.



In the Sereni-Tree’s Gunnery stations:

With the loss of power, the Sereni-Tree’s weapons are all inactive. Kelly had already run off to help in the Common Room. Jake7 activates the night vision button on her gadet and goes, too. Deuce decides to run off to protect the undefended hanger bay. She feels her way toward it in the dark to find an unknown shuttle from the Tripoli! She follows the path of “intruders” through various air vents, and ends up in the Infirmary. She had only been following PsychicRiver and ThatWeirdGirl, who had used the stolen shuttle to escape from the Tripoli.


In space near Boros:

There is a space battle involving Safe’s ISSCV, the Bonaparte, the Eagle, the Nandi, the Sereni-Tree, the Alliance Cruisers Killgore and Tripoli, and the latter’s fighter wing. Sereni-Tree is severely damaged. The Tripoli explodes due to the hacking that Seryn and Ervin did while inside. TheRealMe boosts the Eagle to an extremely high velocity and rams it into the Killgore, destroying its bridge and damaging its engines (the crew of the Eagle escapes to the Sereni-Tree’s common room via a dimensional portal of TRM). The Nandi also lands in the Sereni-Tree’s hanger, but main power dies before Quincey can get the Bonaparte inside and the large hanger doors refuse to open. Quincey is forced to get into a space suit, shrink the shuttle, and try to get in through an emergency hatch that has to be opened with a manual crank. SafeAt2nd and crew discover the stowaways aboard the ISSCV, a pair of young sisters called Shadow and Ghost.



In the Sereni-Tree Common Room:

The Alliance cyborg McQ turns on the ones who had experimented upon him and joins the crew of the Sereni-Tree in the fight. At one point, he and his new friend Washie are standing side by side against the tide, and they hold! ThatWeirdGirl causes the docking clamps to be released, and the Killgore goes floating away. The damage it suffered from the colliding Eagle cause it to recall all fighters and limp away. TheRealMe, Jadehand, and MonkeyTail arrive via dimensional portal (as mentioned above). It looks like the battle for the Common Room is pretty much over.

Washie greets TRM and offers him the remote control she caught Cozen playing with much earlier. At that moment, the evil doll CallMeChucky (somehow repaired and escaped from the brig) attacks TRM and clamps down onto a rather sensitive area. In tremendous pain, TRM uses one of Jadehand’s Nametags of Shapeshifting to become Zoe, which frees her/him. TheRealZoe then uses her gun to blast both CallMeChucky and the remote into bits. TheRealZoe then collapses for a time due to the stress of shapeshifting.

It turns out that when Sparky was destroyed a Backup Sparky was activated. He arrives in the Common Room to help.



In the Sereni-Tree:

Serenity, Mai, and LightMeDark continue to play Uno in the safety of the “This Land” park.

In the Infirmary, Ath remains in a very serious condition with a damaged heart. SimonWho does his best for him, but then goes off to tend other wounded (especially Jadehand) aided by the cyborg McQ. An overly pale Cozen comes by dangling from his llama, offering a bag of too much of his blood for the healing effort. Ath is visited by the grieving Kelly, Serenity, and Soul, and by the Ghost of River-clone (who spouts her usual cryptic weirdness). PsychicRiver had been left by SimonWho to watch Ath, but gets some idea and runs off.

After acting as a sniper, ScorpionRegent goes down to Main Engineering to help Jet fix the major systems of the Sereni-Tree, including the power. Lights come back on. Jake7, who had pushed the “nightvision” button of her gadget, is blinded. Sudden wing growth seems to have trapped Jazaf into his gunner’s seat until after the big fight is over. Also, Jazaf seems to have a deformed claw-arm as well as wings from the water of the Sea of Wings. He helps Jake7, who has been lost in the bright light, wandering around with her night-sight feature of her gadget activated.

Quincey FINALLY gets through the emergency hatch to the Hanger and then runs off to the Bridge; she has a chance to pilot the ship! She sits down and preps the console, but then passes out from exhaustion. Later, after Jet and ScorpionRegent have the maneuvering drive fixed, TheRealMe comes by to pilot the Sereni-Tree a bit farther from Boros. Quincey missed her chance again! TheRealMe plots some hyperspace jumps to nearby worlds where the platinum acquired from the Ocean Cloud Scam could be spent.

Deuce runs from the Infirmary to the Common Room to find the big fight over! She is very disappointed. She is then promply kidnapped by Cozen.

Seryn heads to the Infirmary to see if she can get her nearly deaf ears fixed, but when it is obvious that the Doctor is busy, she goes to meet the Yeti and aid in the cleanup of the Common Room. It turns out that both Seryn and one of the Yeti (who lost her mate in the battle) are expecting babies!

Safe docks his stolen ICSSV craft at the main airlock. Unfortunately, it is blocked with rubble thanks to the barely still functioning Ebo Golem, still operating on her last orders. TheRealMe, while leading a clean-up crew for the devastation of the Common Room, notices this and uses Sparky to help dig through to the craft. McQ, while helping in the clean-up crew, finds the body of his former fiancé. For a moment, he loses control of his emotions and dents a steel beam, but then he calmly takes her to the Infirmary, after Washie comforts him. Washie also starts to superglue the pieces of the Ebo Golem back together. TRM, Soul, Washie, and Sparky work through the rubble to try to reach Safe’s docked ship.

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Monday, March 13, 2006 6:45 PM

THEREALME


42)THE SERENI-TREE: LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=18808


In the space battle over Boros, after the Alliance cruiser Tripoli was destroyed and the Alliance cruiser Killgore was damaged and driven off, the crew of the Sereni-Tree takes to picking up the pieces. They gather the dead from the battles into a refrigerated cargo bay and begin cleanup and repairs. Mai helps greatly with her squad of automops. Kelly makes food for everyone. A new addition to the crew, McQ the cyborg, carries the body of his lady love, an Alliance casualty, to the Infirmary. Washie comforts him.

Meanwhile, Ath lay dying in the Infirmary of his wounds. He is visited by the Ghost of Riverclone, and she somehow heals him while she, in turn, regains a material form! The newly re-embodied Riverclone takes the body of McQ’s lost love and stores her in a cryochamber. Washie talks to Riverclone about mentats while brushing her hair.

LightMeDark attempt to listen to a disk entitled “Life, the Universe, and Everything!” He convulses in one of his strange dreams until he gets a vision of an angelic Mai, seemingly composed of light. He is helped by SimonWho and Mai.

A group including TheRealMe, Washie, Sparky the Robot, and SoulofSerenity attempt to clear a path through the rubble around the main airlock, which has been piled up by the malfunctioning Ebo Golem. On the other side of that airlock is the ISSCV dropship stolen by Safe, Needy, Bride6, Bride7, Citizen, and the two young stowaways Ghost and Shadow. Eventually, the airlock is cleared, and more patients are taken to an overworked Doctor SimonWho. After the Doctor eventually treats the last critically injured patient, he collapses in a hospital bed, threatening that if he is awakened to treat any minor illness, he will do so with amputation.

ScorpionRegent fears that some of the bodies of Alliance troops may have booby traps or tracking devices on them. He and Soul consider dumping them, but TheRealMe prefers to stick them together in a cargo container first, so that the bodies may be recovered and buried by their families. They compromise, and immediately space only the more potentially dangerous bodies of the soldier-slaves. McQ is worried that he contains such devices implanted inside him. A search and scan of his body is later performed, and a tracking beacon is discovered and destroyed.

After leaving the revived Riverclone to her own devices, Washie goes to find McQ, who has detached his helmet and is looking at his ruined face. She talks to him, and tries to make him feel more human. He is uncomfortable.

Many meetings and reunions occur. Romances are sparked, or flare up, even. Bride2, kidnapped by Cozen, seems somewhat jealous at the idea that Cozen might kidnap other women. Serenity provides her comfort food. Seryn and Jadehand seem to have something that is smoldering. Seryn’s deafness is cured by ScorpionRegent by means of a kissie. It turns out that in addition to the already-showing Serenity, Seryn and one of the Yeti females are also pregnant.

Kelly, NoSkillz, Ath, and Serenity all bond with the orphan stowaways, Ghost and Shadow, baking cookies and laughing (the kids are TOO cute!). NoSkillz’s huge cat, also named Shadow, spooks the kids. Safe later finds them and thanks the adults for watching out for the young ones. Safe thinks he might set up his home in the dropship, still attached to the main airlock.

Citizen reveals to Seryn that he has the equipment and know-how to plant a virus in the Alliance Cortex. Eventually, Seryn gets this device to TheRealMe.

On the Bridge, Quincey detects the appearance of an Alliance Battleship! TheRealMe and ScorpionRegent move to help Jet in Engineering to get the stardrive back online, while Sparky sees to getting the Alliance bodies off the ship. Fighter types get ready to fight another battle. Jake7 goes to crew her turret.

Before the Battleship can overtake the Sereni-Tree, the stardrive is repaired. Quincey has the ship make the jump into hyperspace, destination randomly determined so that the suspected Alliance mole on board could not contact his or her companions. It turns out that the jump is plotted toward the world of Garrison.

Needy is uncomfortable with his new, greatly durable body. In the bathroom of Safe’s ISSCV dropship, he coughs up some blood and some bullets he had been shot with earlier. When he walks on the Sereni-Tree, he is surprised that TheRealMe and SimonWho seem to recognize him. Doctor SimonWho is puzzled after he examines Needy, and gives him something for his pain.

Jazaf uses a stray kissie to cause his reptilian arm to transform back to normal, though it still throbs.

A formal party is declared by Kelly to celebrate the escape from Boros, and everyone who is not too exhausted gets dressed up and mingles. McQ, not programmed for social etiquette, goes off alone, away from the party. Young Shadow and Ghost are concerned that they don’t have nice clothes, but they are gifted with new dresses. A new person, the River-like BreautifulDisaster, is met. Or is this River-clone in her new body? Washie and Soul approach her. Mai rides Frederick the Dinosaur around the Common Room. Seryn daydreams about her lost man, perhaps reminded of him by seeing Safe in his uniform. Cozen changes into disco attire. Citizen falls from the ceiling, very close to Jake7. “Talk about a grand entrance!” Seryn tells Jadehand about her pregnancy.

Meanwhile, PsychicRiver packs his things, takes the key he stole from the lab coat of his future father, SimonWho, and sneaks into the Doctor’s space-time hopping blue box, mumbling that he doesn’t really belong here on the Sereni-Tree in this time. The blue box disappears from the Sereni-Tree! PR leaves behind his cat, Annabelle.

During the party, Soul proposes marriage to Serenity. Most of the women present get all teary-eyed and sigh. The magic moment is interrupted by Cozen’s clumsiness (his disco-approved platform shoes are too high), but NoSkillz saves they day. Serenity says “yes”. Ash and Xander are prepared to catch Serenity if she swoons. The remaining six Brides offer a toast to Serenity, and call her their new sister, Bride8! Schwartz the Llamma shoots Cozen in the thigh with an arrow.

TheRealMe asks Mai to research the perfect honeymoon planet.

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006 6:32 AM

THEREALME


43) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE TOWN MEETING

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=19045

Safely in hyperspace after the Boros Incident, Our Heroes relax for the first time in a long time.

In the Common Room, TheRealMe calls a town meeting of the entire crew, where he outlines our near-term plans and asks for ideas about what to do next. Basically, when the Sereni-Tree falls out of hyperspace over the hi-tech world of Garrison, Jadehand, Seryn, and others will undertake a shopping trip to get components to build the stealth shuttle Ocean Cloud. ScorpionRegent will go to get parts for Jet for the Sereni-Tree. Mai, Kelly, and others are interested in shopping for Serenity’s wedding dress and cake ingredients. After the Garrison shopping trip, Seryn will need to visit a nearby planet for some particular medical procedure.

Newer folk introduce themselves, including our new medic Witchy.

During the meeting, after TheRealMe mentions some long-missing but important crew members, Washie suggests that TRM should assume the title of Captain of the Sereni-Tree. This prompts Captain Ebonezer to appear for the first time in a very long time.

The meeting concludes.

Ebo looks around for a game of pool and marvels at how many pregnant females we have. She is impressed by the pifflepony ranch that we keep in a cargo bay and by the chocolate jacuzzi in the water park. It seems that Ebo might be staying a while, this time.

The young stowaways Shadow and Ghost have, for now, moved in with Kelly and Piffle in Kelly’s Mallorn tree home. Safe seems content to stay in the ISSCV dropship, still connected to the Sereni-Tree’s main airlock. Needy is confused that people seem to remember him, because he does not ever recall being on the ship before. TheRealMe meets the Ghost of Riverclone, which has somehow come alive again.

The Sereni-Tree falls out of hyperspace over Garrison with no incident.

Since he asked so nicely, Ebonezer reassigns the quarters off of Main Engineering, formerly belonging to TheGreyJedi, to ScorpionRegent. TheRealMe supervises the transfer of Grey’s possessions to a cargo bay.

Chocolate jacuzzi hijinks ensue, with the help of Cozen's new vodka attachment. Montanagirl returns!

Collecting in the shuttle Admiral Nelson for the Garrison shopping trip are Jadehand, Seryn, ScorpionRegent, Mai, LightMeDark, N0Skillz (and tiger?), Serenity, Quincy, Deuce, and McQ (and Citizen?). They head down to the surface of Garrison where Jadehand rents a hanger where they will collect the parts to build the Ocean Cloud. Seryn talks about heading off to a different, nearby planet to get the medical procedure done and to do the wedding shopping. Quincey is up for a night on the town. Deuce is too energetic. Serenity agrees with Mai that she does not want the froo froo ribbons on her maids of honors' butts. LMD appears to be suffering from culture shock (gender shock?) as the women go on about the details of the wedding. Then again, his job is only to carry the packages!

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Sunday, April 2, 2006 2:44 AM

THEREALME


44) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE SHOPPING TRIP

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=19340

On the Sereni-Tree, in orbit around Garrison:

After falling out of hyperspace over the planet Garrison, some of the crew of the Sereni-Tree decide to undertake Olympic level shopping. The following individuals depart the Sereni-Tree for Garrison in the shuttle Admiral Nelson: Mai, Deuce / Bride2, Quincey / Bride5, Serenity, N0Skillz, N0Skillz’s pet tiger Shadow (not to be confused with the little orphan girl), Jadehand, LightMeDark, Seryn, ScorpionRegent, Citizen, and McQ the cyborg.


On Garrison:

Quincey lands the Nelson in Garrison City. Jadehand rents a hanger, then starts ordering the components necessary to build the new stealth shuttle of his design, the Ocean Cloud. Quincey gets all dressed up and announces that she is going out to party! Deuce spends most of her time exercising and training in the hanger. N0Skillz and his tiger just hang around. McQ heads off to see if he can acquire new weapons or upgrades. Mostly, though, it seems that McQ came on the shopping trip just to get away from everyone back on the Sereni-Tree.


On Commerce:

But building the Ocean Cloud is only one part of the plan. Among other tasks, there is a tremendous amount of girly shopping necessary to provide for the upcoming wedding of Soul and Serenity. Serenity, Mai, LigtMeDark, Seryn, ScorpionRegent, and Citizen climb aboard the Nelson and depart Garrison for Commerce, one of Garrison’s moons.

On Commerce, Seryn stops by a doctor she knows in order to have a certain procedure reversed. It seems that at some time in the past she had a developing fetus in her womb somehow put “on hold”, and she goes to have its growth started up again. After a short time, she re-joins the wedding shoppers Serenity, Mai, and LightMeDark. LMD seems bewildered at the activities around him, but then he is only there to be the strong, clueless male responsible for carrying all the boxes.

ScorpionRegent works on his own to get other items, part of which is to fill a shopping list from Jet, the Sereni-Tree’s acting Chief Engineer.

Citizen heads off to check with some special contacts and undertakes some shady dealing with East European gentlemen to get weapons.

LMD and SR talk about getting a cow or a goat for the Sereni-Tree.


On the Sereni-Tree:

TheRealMe stands outside of Washie’s quarters for a week. When she does not answer his buzzing, he decides she must not be home.

Needy uses the Sereni-Tree’s T.H.R.E.A.D. archive computer to hunt down when he was supposed to have been on board the ship. He finds logs and vids of his appearance last August, but does not recall them at all. Has he lost his memory? Has there been an imposter? Who’s on first? (no, Who is in the Infirmary!)

Kelly and Safe take turns watching over the orphan kids, Shadow and Ghost. They take the girls down to the pifflepony ranch to do some riding. After a time, Kelly takes a break to go see Ath.

Jazaf fixes his mutant arm by applying a kissie.

Ath, Soul, MontanaGirl, Kelly, ThatWeirdGirl, Needy, SimonWho (?), and Jazaf (?) at various times have fun in the chocolate jacuzzi, which Cozen has considerately converted into a VODKA chocolate jacuzzi!

Young Ghost sneaks away from Safe and her sister Shadow. She finds her way from the pifflepony ranch up to the Common Room. She slips and falls on some stray chocolate goo and starts crying. Kelly, dripping in vodka-chocolate, runs over to comfort her. Down in the pifflepony ranch, Shadow notices Ghost is missing and panics. Safe calms Shadow down and they go looking for Ghost together.

During ThatWeirdGirl’s shower, she and Needy have a discussion about memory loss, future sons, evil twins, and the like.

TheRealMe gets dressed in a nice dark suit to go shopping for DVDs, a video system, and furniture, to replace what was lost during the Alliance attack.


At some unknown location in Space-Time:

After borrowing the Blue Box of his father, SimonWho, PsychicRiver undertakes a journey to some other point in space-time. He gets out of the Blue Box and starts a conversation with himself, another PsychicRiver, who says that he will need to undertake a trip to the Sereni-Tree’s past, presumably to become the PsychicRiver that we have known for the past year and a half, and the very one he is talking to. As an aside, SimonWho bemoans the likely paradoxes to result.


On Garrison:

One by one, the ordered crates and packages arrive at the hanger on Garrison. Jadehand pays each person with platinum acquired earlier from the Ocean Cloud Scam (stolen from the account of the scar-faced Heinz). Once everything has arrived, the parts are carefully arrayed around the hanger. Jadehand then uses his Nametags of Shapeshifting to become, in turn, Magneto and Forge from the X-Men comics. Using superpowers borrowed from these two, Jadehand single-handedly assembles the Ocean Cloud.

Meanwhile, McQ wanders about Garrison City. He heroically stops a mugging in a park, and then goes to a local arms dealer to extort new weapons and ammunition from him. He heads back to the hanger.

Deuce and N0Skillz are playing cards while Jadehand takes it easy for a while. But when Deuce tries to contact Quincey, Deuce discovers that Quincey left her com-link behind. Deuce interprets this as Quincey wanting some privacy in anticipation of “getting lucky” that night. Deuce and N0Skillz decide McQ and Quincey have been gone too long. They go off to track down the pair, relying on the tiger Shadow’s keen sense of smell. They are unaware that McQ returns to the hanger by the back door just as they are leaving by the front. After wandering about the entire city, they finally track McQ back to their hanger.

Jadehands heads off for some shady dealings of his own, with his old associate, “Benny”.


On Commerce:

A young man, WashsYoungerSexierBrother, meets Seryn and ScorpionRegent. WYSB hears SR call Seryn “Captain” and he decides that he wants to join their crew. Seryn and SR invite him, as long as he proves useful. They allow WYSB some time to get his affairs in order.

SR attempts, in vain, to hurry up the girly shopping with various faked announcements about an imminent take-off (and poorly acted ‘wooshing’ noises). Serenity and Mai just turn off their com-links and look at another pair of shoes. They also get some toys and nice clothes for Shadow and Ghost.

WYSB (aka Wisp) arrives at the Admiral Nelson with all his worldly possession and a goat named Doris. He relaxes, daydreaming about the female crewmembers that he expects in his near future. (Needy and Cozen, it looks like you have competition!)

Patience exhausted, ScorpionRegent decides to leave the wedding shoppers on Commerce, and starts trying to bypass the Admiral Nelson’s landlock system. Seryn suggests to Serenity that they rush things along rather than be left behind. SR takes off from Commerce in the Admiral Nelson with WashsYoungerSexierBrother on board (and LightMeDark, too!). Citizen (whose cargo was in the Nelson), Jadehand (who was responsible for returning the Nelson without a scratch), and Seryn (who is annoyed that she and especially the pregnant Serenity got stranded) all have words with him. Seryn laments that, though SR is an excellent quartermaster, he is incapable of relaxing. TheRealMe is made aware of these issues, due to a message from SR.

TheRealMe and Sparky head down to Commerce in the Napoleon Bonaparte. TheRealMe leaves Sparky to watch the shuttle and meets Seryn, Serenity, and Mai in the International House of Food. He is wearing a suit, and looks rather snazzy. Later, Citizen joins them. After the meal, they all go shopping again. As TheRealMe makes adjustments to his suit and tie, he remarks that he has come up with a way to ensure excellent customer service. He puts on a pair of blue gloves and signals Sparky to join him.


On Garrison:

ScorpionRegent lands the Nelson next to the Ocean Cloud, accompanied by WashsYoungerSexierBrother (and LMD). After a thorough inspection, SR pronounces the Cloud to be spaceworthy. Deuce is ready to track down Quincey, but Jadehand suggests that they have a meal first, then EVERYONE can go. But N0skillz and Deuce head off following the tracking tiger again, and Jadehand reluctantly follows. Wisp also goes with them. McQ stays to guard the hanger. He mistakes some locals for Alliance soldiers, and decides to go inside the hanger and keep a lower profile. LMD gets off the Nelson and wanders around the hanger.


In the Dagger, orbiting Boros in another star system from Garrison:

A certain scar-faced man has hired the crew of the Dagger (consisting of at least Jennings, Bear, and Grunt) to track down some ship that got away with the scar-guy’s possessions (could it be… Sereni-Tree?).


On Commerce, shopping moon of Garrison:

Serenity, Seryn, and Mai consult with Kelly (who has stayed on Sereni-Tree) and then they go shopping for baby clothes, highchairs, and strollers. After hours of their own shopping, TheRealMe and Sparky return to the Napoleon Bonaparte. Sparky’s servo motors are groaning under the massive weight of huge bags filled with enough DVDs to replace the impressive collection lost during the Boros Incident. They unload all of this into the cargo area of the Napoleon, and TheRealMe places a brand-new 8-ball on top of that pile. They go back out to find some furniture, next.


In orbit around Garrison:

The Dagger falls out of hyperspace above Garrison and spots the Sereni-Tree. Despite the urgings of the scar-faced man, the crew of the Dagger do not reveal themselves.


Hidden somewhere on Garrison:

Unknown to Our Heroes, we find that Quincey had been imprisoned by members of some kind of Oriental Tong. It seems that Quincey’s father, a person of great importance, has promised her in marriage to the Tong leader’s son as part of some Pact.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006 7:20 PM

THEREALME


45) THE SERENI-TREE, MORE SHOPPING, AND SOME PERIL

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=19748

(Sort of a summary – I’m just not able to keep up anymore)

On the planet Garrison, Quincey (Bride5) was kidnapped to a palace in the local Chinatown by members of a Tong. Apparently, Quincey’s powerful father had promised her in marriage to the son of the Tong’s leader. After Jadehand, Deuce (Bride2), N0Skillz, N0Skillz’s tiger Shadow, and the newcomer Wisp overcome the polite but formidable martial arts master Mister Chin and other members of the Tong, Quincey is rescued and they all return to the Sereni-Tree in Jadehand’s new shuttle Ocean Cloud.

On Garrison’s shopping moon named Commerce, Serenity is ALSO kidnapped and threatened by her old enemy Heinz the scar-faced guy. He turns on the crew of the Dagger (Jennings, Grunt, and Bear) who helped Heinz capture her. Seryn gets herself abducted too, and manages to link up with Serenity. Serenity kills Hienz and tries to escape. A drunken Cozen arrives to try to help, but makes things worse. They are eventually trapped inside a sealed building. A helicopter flies in from above, piloted by… a drunken LightMeDark?

An Alliance Cruiser enters the system, launching fighters and shuttles to (presumably) take Serenity away for experiments. TheReaMe and Sparky fly off at high speed in the shuttle Napoleon Bonaparte to distract some of the craft, making them think that perhaps Serenity was escaping on the Napoleon. TheRealMe gets off the shuttle using a dimensional portal.

Also involved in Serenity’s rescue, gathered around the sealed building where she is imprisoned, are the crews of the shuttle Admiral Nelson and Safe’s stolen ISSCV dropship: Citizen, Mai, Jazaf, McQ, ScorpionRegent, Needy, Safe, and Soul. Ath and Kelly had also come along for this rescue mission, but suddenly find themselves in a relaxing forest environment with a pool. The crew of the Dagger decides to help Our Heroes recover Serenity, as they seem to know Safe and Soul. Soul uses his power to phase through the thick barriers around the building, and rejoins Seryn and his love, Serenity. Safe, McQ, Citizen, and the Dagger crew break through the walls with a more explosive method.

On Sereni-Tree in orbit over Garrison, That WeirdGirl is in command on the Bridge with Trey (Bride3) advising her and Quincey (Bride5) in the pilot’s seat, Jake7 and Jadehand are in laser turrets, SimonWho is in the Infirmary, and Jet (Bride4) is in Engineering. They are trying to figure out if they should fire on the Alliance ship or not, seeing as the damaged Sereni-Tree probably could not survive another real fight. Deuce (Bride2) was having a drink with newcomer Wisp at Trey’s Bar in the Common Room, but he went off to find Jadehand. Others known to be recently aboard Sereni-Tree include: N0Skillz and his tiger, BeautifulDisaster, Bluefishie, Bobbi Sue (Bride6), Bride7, Ebonezer (asleep again under the pool table), ItsAWash, River-clone, Montanagirl, the young orphans Shadow and Ghost, Witchy, and Xander/Ash. There may be others around, but they have not posted in the last five threads or more. Oh, there are still Yeti as well, including a pregnant one.

After PsychicRiver stole the Blue Box of his father-to-be SimonWho, he finds himself still elsewhen in space-time, talking to his future or past self.

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006 3:56 PM

THEREALME


46) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE NEVERENDING PERIL

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=20127


On Sereni-Tree in orbit:

The “Alliance” Cruiser that is launching fighters and threatening the Sereni-Tree and her people is determined to actually be a “Blue Sun” Cruiser. Jadehand, Wisp, and Jake7 crew the turrets. TWG, Trey, and Quincey are on the bridge. Bride6 offers to take care of Shadow and Ghost, but Shadow stays on the Bridge to help. Jadehand goes down to Engineering to show Jet the Somebody Else’s Problem field that can turn ships invisible. She figures out how to install it into Sereni-Tree. Also, she programs a crybaby to duplicate the Sereni-Tree.


On Commerce:

TheRealMe and Sparky, in the shuttle Napoleon, are dodging fighters from the cruiser, keeping the fighters’ attention away from the “kidnap Serenity” plot. Just as TRM is using a teleportal to get out of that situation, Washie disappears on the Sereni-Tree. This distracts TRM, and he ends up in the same Monty Pythonesque dimension where Ath and Kelly have fallen (and where they are enjoying a nice swim, and where Kelly latere has an elf-looking-West moment). Soon, TRM makes a portal to return to the Sereni-Tree’s Bridge.

Serenity and Seryn are rescued from the building where they had been held. ScopionRegent has gone missing from the Serenity rescue group. Safe and the crew of the Dagger (Jennings, Bear, and Grunt) make a diversion at the Leighton Docks starport while others (Citizen, Soul, Seryn, McQ, Needy, and perhaps Jazaf) carry the unconscious Serenity and drunken Cozen in a dress to the ISSCV dropship. Citizen blows something up, causing more diversion. Seryn gets in the pilot seat of the ISSCVwhile Needy and Citizen crew the turrets. They lift off, as do Safe and the Dagger crew in the Dagger. For a short time, those two craft and Sparky in the Napoleon fly in formation, but Sparky tries to interpose his shutte in the line of fire to protect the fighters. The fighters are eventually shot down. Sparky veers off. Throughout this time, Needy is having conversations with the Serenity-like angel that only he can see. Apparently, he is some Chosen One who will accomplish great deeds to save the ‘Verse… or he is hallucinating. He tries to ignore his angelic visitor.

ScorpionRegent has already taken the Admiral Nelson off, and is on his way to rendezvous with Sereni-Tree.

Mai and LightMeDark end up in a helicopter hovering over Commerce City. Eventually, they are picked up by Sparky in the Napoleon who offers to return them to the Sereni-Tree.


On Sereni-Tree:

With the enemy fighters approaching, Quincey drops the crybaby, activates the SEP field to turn the ship invisible, and does a quick burn to get them moving. Unfortunately, using the engines allows the enemy to spot Sereni-Tree.

At this time, ScorpionRegent is flying the Nelson to rendezvous with the crybaby that is simulating the Sereni-Tree.

TheRealMe comes onto the bridge, and has the main engines shut down and the reactionless thrusters activated. This allows the ship to maneuver unseen. TRM has Quincey chase after the Nelson while he gets ready with grappler arms to grab it and ThatWeirdGirl gets ready to take over piloting the Nelson, after she tinkers with the com equipment.

As the main hanger doors are opened, the fighters spot Sereni-Tree and TRM has Quincey perform a crude but quick barnswallow move on the Nelson. It crashes inside the hanger and starts a fire, which TRM and Wisp work to put out, which is done by opening the hanger to space. Jake7 and Jadehand in the turrets shoot at the fighters and take them out, but stop just after the hanger doors close and invisibility is restored. TWG is knocked unconscious, and is taken to SimonWho in the Infirmary by Jadehand who has used a nametag to become SimonWho. ScorpionRegent is removed from the once-burning Nelson. He is fine, and had just been taking a nap. TRM, SR, Wisp, some DRDs, the damaged Ebo Golem, and some Yeti work to clear and repair the hanger.

Jadehand blows up the enemy cruiser by teleporting over, dropping a hand-held nuke, and teleporting back.

ScorpionRegent builds a number of low-tech weapons that might have high-tech applications. TheRealMe and Wisp offer some enhancement suggestions involving monomolecular blades and super-acid (made from engine coolant and other chemicals he got from Jet). SR also builds the robot Snarky, which impresses TRM. When SR goes to Engineering, he finds Jet crying over the fact that since his quarters had been given to SR, that meant that TheGreyJedi is likely not coming back. He comforts her.

Later all other shuttles dock successfully and unload their passengers and cargo.

Soul considers things and decides that he must clear up some loose ends in his past. But when he broaches this subject to Serenity, she wants him to stay, as the baby is due SOON. The baby card trumps all others, and they order Thai food.


In the Dagger

Safe decides to head off with the crew of the Dagger to hook up again with CastIronJack. He retrieves his ISSCV dropship and (almost certainly) says goodbye to Shadow and Ghost.


Elsewhen:

PsychicRiver is still in some other spacetime talking to a future or past version of himself.


THATWEIRDGIRL'S PROTEST AGAINST PERIL:

ThatWeirdGirl expresses her disapproval on how much angst, drama, and peril we have been having lately by hijacking the thread back to Earth to become a clubhouse again. She wants a return to happier times. Most agree, but some adventuring is desired by most. Compromise suggestions and discussions on our future ensue, to hopefully prevent a schism. Ultimately, it turns out that we need the right balance of angst, humor, and adventure.

The Sereni-tree is restored to orbit around Garrison (because TheRealMe protests about losing the Sereni-Tree starship), but we are about to jump to Earth-That-Still-Is. Be prepared for a peril-free flight.


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Tuesday, May 9, 2006 4:05 PM

THEREALME


47) THE SERENI-TREE, THE SECOND GALA PAGEANT, AND NO PERIL!

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=20521


After overdosing on excessive Peril in orbit around the planet Garrison, the Sereni-Tree used a hyperspace jump to return to its roots. Literally. The ship has come back to Earth-That-Still-Is and has landed in the original Tree, becoming a treehouse once again, at least for the time being.

Once there, its inhabitants frolic in a peril-free environment, where they are celebrating, flirting, and enjoying various activities with one another (sometimes of an R-rated nature).

Also, many inhabitants of the Sereni-Tree are planning to enter the Second Gala Pageant.

Oh, I believe that this thread is the one containing the list of all of our great inventions!


PERIPHERAL THREAD:

Sereni-Tree, Special Branch: Unbound

An adventure-laden thread split from the "lighter mood" Sereni-Tree.
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=20504

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Friday, May 19, 2006 7:33 PM

THEREALME


48) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE START OF THE SECOND GALA PAGEANT

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=20841

The Second Gala Pageant begins, with TheRealMe dressed in a tuxedo and top hat as Master of Ceremonies. Malicious is the only one of the judges from the First Gala Pageant to return, but she promptly falls asleep. Serenity is also judging. For the contestants, see the summaries below. Spectators include the contestants themselves and: LightMeDark, Lissa, McQ, MontanaGirl, SimonWho, Seryn, and Jazaf. Kelly watched, at least until Ath slipped and possibly revealed too much (at which point she cheered).

Seryn puts Shadow and Ghost into the care of Ervin so she could go off, but he had to cover their eyes so many times during the contest that he had Hewitt, one of his Yeti friends, take the girls to the park.

TRM suggests that our Doctor SimonWho (who was a leading contender in the First Gala Pageant) should enter as the mysterious time-twisted Contestant 8. SimonWho declines, claiming that he can't time-travel since his son PsychicRiver "borrowed" the TARDIS (privately, he is glad he doesn't have to shave his legs again). Speaking of which, PR sends a minor mind-wave from wherever/whenever he is.

An annoying troll followed Seryn home. Mai suggested a troll attack, but we ignore it and it goes away.

We pause the contest, while we celebrate the second aniversary of the Clubhouse/Treehouse/Sereni-Tree threads. This includes the arrival of tiny faeries who are part of an Olympic formation flying team. They buzz around and spell out "Happy Treeversary!"

Seryn puts a bit and bridle on Schwartz the Llama and hoses him down, giving the llama a much needed bath. ScorpionRegent offers the use of his tranquilizer gun to expedite the process.

Mai and Jadehand engage in much romance, including a picnic in the "This Land" park.

Seryn and ScorpionRegent engage in much romance at various times, including a trip in Nandi away from Sereni-Tree to a private location. The romance starts alarm bells ringing for Seryn. Also, SR shows her his catapults.

Jet uses a DRD to help Quincey spray on her outfit for the pageant, then she gets to work on repairs down in Engineering. During repairs, she stumbles in on Seryn and ScorpionRegent. Whoops!

The Yeti Assan and Lichna engage in some romance, scarring Bobbie Sue's retinas for all time.

Also, Bobbie Sue and Wisp engage in some romance, or at least a little action.

Seryn asks who wants a baby rabbit. Serenity, Mai, and Bride6 all speak up.

At the bar, Trey plies SimonWho with dozens of drinks. Perhaps she has something in mind. SimonWho becomes concerned when he sees Yeti dancing, but is comforted to discover that they are real.



Here are our contestants for the Second Gala Pageant of the Sereni-Tree:


CONTESTANT 1: Ervin the Yeti, in clean fur, tuxedo jacket, and a top-hat.

Swimsuit: Did a cannonball into the pool, and got his fur colored from the paint that came off of Bride5.

Talent: Performed the dance ThatWeirdGirl taught the Yeti back on Black Diamond (the Yeti in the audience joined in). Ervin's movements spray everyone with his still-wet fur, except Serenity who packed an umbrella.

-------------------

CONTESTANT 2: Bobbie Sue, Bride6, in a Kaylee-like ruffly pink dress.

Swimsuit: In a bikini, used roller blades to skate down one of the twisting, three-storey slides into the pool.

Talent: In a pretty pink dress with ruffles (the short one, this time), she tapdanced and sweetly sang "On the Good Ship Lollipop".

-------------------

CONTESTANT 3: JadeHand, as Dr. Frankenfurter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Swimsuit: A high dive, while still wearing black slacks, shirt, tie, and socks.

Talent: Plays his guitar and sings a Marillion song about a man of a thousand faces.

-------------------

CONTESTANT 4: Wisp transformed into the female Wispette, wearing a custom-made outfit and flashing his/her boobs.

Swimsuit:

Talent:

-------------------

CONTESTANT 5: Jake7, wearing a long sheath of sparkling pop-top tabs.

Swimsuit: Underwater somersaults.

Talent: Sings karaoke with gusto to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me".

-------------------

CONTESTANT 6: Quincey, Bride5, wearing nothing but red and black body paint.

Swimsuit: Still in body paint, she does a daring high-dive with somersaults, but the paint washes off in the pool.

Talent: Paint re-applied in different colors, she does a pole dance.

-------------------

CONTESTANT 7: CallMeAth, wearing a frilly pink dress and fishnet stockings (slips, falls, and shows a bit too much).

Swimsuit:

Talent:

-------------------

CONTESTANT 8: Unknown at this time, but we remain hopeful.

Swimsuit:

Talent:

-------------------

CONTESTANT 9: SoulOfSerenity, in a blonde wig, mermaid flippers, and a bra of coconuts. He attempts to bribe the judges with more Firefly episodes from an alternate dimension where the show was never cancelled.

Swimsuit:

Talent:

-------------------

CONTESTANT 10: Needy, in a skin-tight bright red dress with matching high heeled shoes. As he walks off, he slips and does the splits (the crowd thinks it was part of his act).

Swimsuit: With a well-toned, greased body and clad only in his skimpy G-Swim (tm), he jumped off the diving board, grabbed it to vault back up to it, and then launched himself out for an impressive dive.

Talent:

-------------------

CONTESTANT(S) 11: The Faerie Team (Luna, May, Fauna, Merle, Amber, Orla and Tiffany) appear in gowns they made themselves, out of spider silk and faerie glamour.

Swimsuit: In similar illusionary swimsuits, some faeries dive into the pool, and others perform synchronized swimming, with illusions of flowers dancing upon the surface of the water.

Talent: Well, they were very talented when they flew in formation and spelled out "Happy Treeversary". Maybe they will show us something else.


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Wednesday, July 26, 2006 4:57 PM

THEREALME


49) THE SERENI-TREE AND THE SECOND GALA PAGEANT WINDS DOWN

http://fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=21552



The Second Gala Pageant is running smoothly. Needy is in the middle of changing from his G-swim to a sexy red dress when Serenity, one of the judges, suddenly goes into labor. Then Corbin the Yeti goes into labor, too. Serenity is carried up to her nest in the observation lounge, located on the highest deck of the Sereni-Tree. Since it is the Yeti way to have babies while submerged in rivers or lakes, the other Yeti take Corbin to our Olympic sized swimming pool.

On the way up to the observation lounge, Soul decides that he wants to be married to Serenity before the baby comes. So that we would have a captain to perform the ceremony, TheRealMe assumed command of the Sereni-Tree and ordered her into the air (thinking that a ship must be under way before a captain can perform a ceremony). Quincey on the bridge and Jet in engineering get the ship airborne. Advised by Doctor SimonWho to hurry, TheRealMe performs a quick, improvised ceremony despite Soul’s habit of going catatonic and fainting. Cozen pops in JUST too late to be somebody that objects to the wedding. Jazaf uses his super-power to shape a pair of wedding bands for the couple, then retreats from the scene when the birth becomes imminent. He takes off to call in some favors for a nice present.

The baby girl, named Seraphina, is born. She has darling little angel wings.

Immediately after the birth, one of the Yeti grabs SimonWho and takes him to the swimming pool, where Corbin delivers her baby. In gratitude for the doctor’s help, she names the baby SimonYeti.

Mai and Jadehand spend a lot of time together. Mai’s birthday occurs and Jadehand brings her a cake. At one point, Jadehand takes the Ocean Cloud and travels to the piratical Sea of Wings to get a present for Serenity’s baby.

LightMeDark stirs a few times from his customary seat at the bar to hang around with his animal friends. He encourages bunny dances.

Cozen is aghast that Seryn shampooed his llama friend, Schwartz.

Seryn and ScorpionRegent spent a lot of time together. Seryn’s bunny breeding program seems to have had wild successes. She has begun to distribute bunnies all around the ship, including a pair to Mai’s pet brontosaurus, Frederick.

The baby shower is readied. Jake7 goes nuts with a camera, taking pictures of everything and everybody. The young orphans Shadow and Ghost leave a present for baby Seraphina, as does Safeat2nd (A pair of baby combat boots that were his as a child and a teddy bear with butterfly wings). Cozen supplies a gross tonne of diapers, which Serenity estimates will last a week.

Rat (fresh from the cryo tanks), Wisp (awakening and turning over in his bed of popcorn) and PsychicRiver (still caught in elsewhen talking to another version of himself) sort of pop in for quick hellos.

TheRealMe uses the Sereni-Tree’s grappler arms to transfer the Original Clubhouse from the cargo bay to a branch of the Tree. With the permanent dimensional portal, anyone will be able to go back and forth between the Treehouse and the Sereni-Tree.

Oh, and as the last judge not incapacitated, Malicious declares HERSELF the winner of the Second Gala Pageant and runs off to her quarters with her second set of Miss ‘Verse regalia.



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