Crushing handshakes - compensating for something? by AgentRouka

TALK STORY

Crushing handshakes - compensating for something?

POSTED BY: AGENTROUKA
UPDATED: Friday, November 2, 2007 03:31
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Wednesday, October 31, 2007 10:16 PM

After one of my male coworkers has once again nearly murdered my hand with what is supposed to be an innocent greeting, I think this deserves to be talked about.

Handshakes.

They can be too weak, which is certainly creepy and wrong, but they can be way too strong, which is equally wrong and bad.

Do people do this on purpose? Are they trying to appear Assertive(!) or some such? Do they not notice? Is this something that happens to people who just have to have very muscled hands and they aren't aware?

Do you suffer from other people's overtly strong handshakes? Do you complain?

I don't, but damn, they can hurt! From both women and men equally, and I don't think my own handshake is so weak that anything would feel crushing by comparison.

Where would you put your own handshake, on the scale from dead and limp to iron press?
Do you adjust your handshake to the person you greet? (Men v. women, adults v. children, tall v. short, shy v. loud,...)
Have people ever complained? Or winced?

I'm curious!

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 3:34 AM

SCORPIONREGENT

I work with my hands so I can do the crush though it's not something I usually do. For the most part I give a firm handshake that lets them know I was there, but that's all. The only time I dial up the pressure is when I'm dealing with a someone I can tell is all talk and no action, con artists, salesmen, and motor mouth drug fiends.

Scorpion Regent

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 4:04 AM

MSG

OK really hate the crushing hand shake.. I tend to say OW really loudly when someone does that.

You can't rush science, Gibbs! You can yell at it and scream at it, but you can't rush it. "- Abby Sciuto

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 4:16 AM

PHOEBEROSETTA

Compensating...kinda sounds like when my college roommate and I used to see an older gent in a hot-red convertible...the mid-life crisis car. We'd get next to them in traffic and say, "SORRY ABOUT YOUR P*NIS!!!" OK, subtle we weren't..but, we had FUN!

--------------------------------
Rule #1 for a healthy and productive life..."don't p*ss off the redhead!"

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 6:10 AM

ARTCAT81

Its a peeing contest, I work for a construction company, weak handshakes are nonexistant, I found the firmer the handshake I give the more respsect I get from the guys I work with ( I'm a petite 5'3" female). In this field its a power move and how you show you are in charge.

Browncoats are the shiniest folks in the 'verse
www.texasartcat.com/bluesun.html <--my bluesunshop

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 6:26 AM

FINN MAC CUMHAL

Iron press. I admit it. I’m a strong shaker. And you can tell, when you shake hands with someone else who is a strong shaker, that there is a brief moment there where we both want bump chests and yell, “Yeah, Baby! You know it!!” But we don’t, because that would be unseemly. And might crush your cell phone if you have it in your suit jacket pocket.

And yes, I do adjust my handshake based on the person I'm greeting. I don't use the palm when I shake hands with women or children.

And no one has ever complained.

Nihil est incertius vulgo, nihil obscurius voluntate hominum, nihil fallacius ratione tota comitiorum.

Nothing is more unpredictable than the mob, nothing more obscure than public opinion, nothing more deceptive than the whole political system.

-- Cicero

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Thursday, November 1, 2007 6:38 AM

FINN MAC CUMHAL

Quote:
Originally posted by artcat81:
Its a peeing contest, I work for a construction company, weak handshakes are nonexistant, I found the firmer the handshake I give the more respsect I get from the guys I work with ( I'm a petite 5'3" female). In this field its a power move and how you show you are in charge.

That is very true. When a women comes up to me and grabs my hand with a firm handshake, it is a clear message to me that she expects to be treated like an equal with the respect her position demands.

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Friday, November 2, 2007 12:11 AM

AGENTROUKA

Quote:
Originally posted by artcat81:
Its a peeing contest, I work for a construction company, weak handshakes are nonexistant, I found the firmer the handshake I give the more respsect I get from the guys I work with ( I'm a petite 5'3" female). In this field its a power move and how you show you are in charge.

Browncoats are the shiniest folks in the 'verse
www.texasartcat.com/bluesun.html <--my bluesunshop

Wow, that's interesting! Quite a lot more direct than what my day to day handshake experience is about. *g*

Do they ever try to use their handshake to try and intimidate you??

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Friday, November 2, 2007 12:14 AM

AGENTROUKA

Quote:
Originally posted by Finn mac Cumhal:
Iron press. I admit it. I’m a strong shaker. And you can tell, when you shake hands with someone else who is a strong shaker, that there is a brief moment there where we both want bump chests and yell, “Yeah, Baby! You know it!!” But we don’t, because that would be unseemly. And might crush your cell phone if you have it in your suit jacket pocket.

Testosterone can be so funny! *G*

Quote:

And yes, I do adjust my handshake based on the person I'm greeting. I don't use the palm when I shake hands with women or children.

If only everyone was so polite.

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Friday, November 2, 2007 2:31 AM

ARTCAT81

Absolutely they use handshakes as an intimidation tactic, it doesnt work, I find it funny or turn it back on them, if you call them on an overly aggressive handbreaking handshake you put them in a position you have the power in again
*crushing handshake* my response, "easy there I need that hand back in one piece" or, "Remember you are shaking the hand not breakign it" (never an ouch your hurting me response, say it with a smile and make eye contact) their immediate response is one of surprise that I said something, and immediate apology, from this they learn 1. They cant walk over me I will call them on it, 2. the moment they are apologizing they have given me the upper hand, thus losing any ground the bonebreaking handshake might have gained them as an intimidation tactic 3. I'm not easily intimidated. 4. I know their trick and it wont work. If you admit it hurts, you lose ground because you showed weakness.

At least in construction the key seems to be, firm handshake and dont release their hand until you get eye contact (they will try to look anywhere but your eyes most of the time), also if you move your hand in fast and force the full palm contact (webbing between pointer finger and thumb) again subconsciously they seem to view you more as an equal. (if you have eye contact and their hand you have commanded their full attention make the most of it!!!!)

I've also found in the line of work I'm in many of the guys while fast to shake the men of the offices hands, shy away from shaking the women of hte offices hands, (hands behind their back and a head nod), even in this situation you can power through and get the handshake, best to do it in front of other men, when introduced, even if hte guy shows no sign of a handshake or seems opposed to the idea, I have found bringing that hand out there and forcing the issue gains me instant respect from not only the hesitant handshaker but from any other guys present.

For the record I'm a project Assistant / Equipment Logistics, I deal with mechanics (and try my best to keep them in line), field supervisors, laborers, project managers, truckers, estimators, and vendors. The worst of the lot are the vendors sales guys, several of which are lecherous drunks.

Outside of work, I still use a firm handshake and force eye contact but, I dont use nearly as much pressure, and I dont force full hand contact if the other person shys away.

(yes I seem to have a science to it)

Browncoats are the shiniest folks in the 'verse
www.texasartcat.com/bluesun.html <--my bluesunshop

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Friday, November 2, 2007 3:25 AM

MOONPIE

Firm- okay. Painful- why not just stomp on my toes, for pete's sake?

I work in construction too, and every once in a while run into someone who thinks shaking hands is some kind of gladiator contest; a clear case of moronic behavior brought on by acute testosterone poisoning.

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Friday, November 2, 2007 3:31 AM

GRIZWALD

We close each church service by holding hands in a huge, bumpy circle, everybody connecting with the people beside them and the people on the ends of the rows connecting with the row in front/behind, and in the front is the pastor, who stands in the aisle and holds the hands of the two people on the inside seat of each of the front rows.

We always end up setting front row left, and we all fight NOT to be the one who has to hold Pastor's hand, because he can nearly break bones. I think he's squeezing strong enough that it will transmit all the way down through the congregation and even the last person on the last row will still feel a little bit of it.

___________________________________________________
High Priestess of Pork and Ag-Related Activities of the MYTHICAL LAND OF IOWA

Click on my profile for my Annoyingly Long List of Firefly Links.

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