Thread Number 100: Hidey People In Fast Forward. by mai

Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
Hero

You're from New York. To you a hero is some kinda sandwich. (Paraphrased I expect. Badly I expect.)

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008 5:26 PM

One more song gloriously placed to scenes from Serenity. Language warning :

A man who walks the Earth.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008 11:56 PM

I really like the "I Need A Hero" vid. Show tunes and Firefly, doesn't get much better than that.

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Thursday, June 12, 2008 2:45 AM

yes the Hero vid is awesome, but I'm still laughing along with the Dennis Leary one.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Friday, June 13, 2008 4:19 AM

bumping with another firefly vid, moved.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Friday, June 13, 2008 10:48 AM

Since we are watching vids... http://www.avclub.com/content/videocracy/6013

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Saturday, June 14, 2008 5:06 PM

LEOPARDFLAN

SWIRLIGIGS?!!

meep~ ~~!~~

#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#\/#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#

\~~~*~~^~~*~~~/$$\~~~*~~^~~*~~~/
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature.

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 3:31 AM

Happy father's day to those of you man types who have children. We had big but short storm here about an hour ago. Lots of branches strewn about the street. I am a fish.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 4:00 AM

What kind of fish?

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 5:12 AM

Storms due to hit here in about 4 minutes.
oh yay.

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 5:22 AM

COZEN

cozendottir is apparently, with the aid of her latest "significant other", off planting trees in the vaguely charted British Columbia interior. Should she actually, y'know, call or email me, all of this planet's weather systems would immediately centre upon my locale, thereby saving many peeps the trauma of having their houses/farmsteads tornadoed to smithereens.

eyeofallhurricanescoz

***

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 2:19 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
What kind of fish?

Grouper.

I think.

Or maybe Gar.

Something with a "G" at any rate.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 2:21 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
Storms due to hit here in about 4 minutes.
oh yay.

The tree in front of the house across the street was totally uprooted. It's laying on it's side totally blocking the sidewalk and almost completely covering their front lawn. I hope the storm you got wasn't quite as fierce.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Sunday, June 15, 2008 3:42 PM

No this storm, didn't amount to much. It was here and gone in about 10 minutes. Turned the morning sky pitch black though. I never say this, but I'm so ready for it not to be summer any more.

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Monday, June 16, 2008 9:35 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
I never say this, but I'm so ready for it not to be summer any more.

Well I always say that. Even when it's still actually spring

Glad to hear your storm lacked climacticness.

Now who's up for a game of Calvin Ball? You can be it.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Monday, June 16, 2008 10:21 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by daveshayne:

Now who's up for a game of Calvin Ball? You can be it.

*runs around the ball counterclockwise until dizzy and stumbling for 23 pts.

*drinks a glass of ice water to recover, 0 pts.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Monday, June 16, 2008 10:36 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
*runs around the ball counterclockwise until dizzy and stumbling for 23 pts.

*drinks a glass of ice water to recover, 0 pts.

*david steals fifth base*

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Monday, June 16, 2008 1:59 PM

Quote:
*david steals fifth base*

Hey! Come back here with that. You can't just steal bits and pieces of the game. I need it for strategic base purposes, because those are the rules I have just made up.

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Monday, June 16, 2008 2:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
Quote:
*david steals fifth base*

Hey! Come back here with that. You can't just steal bits and pieces of the game. I need it for strategic base purposes, because those are the rules I have just made up.

But I'm holding the "Possession is Nine Tenths of the Rules" pennant so I can. Now you have to march ten feet backward while humming the Sunday Song.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Monday, June 16, 2008 2:49 PM

You may have a pennant, but do you have a flag?
Cause that's all that counts.

*marches backwards, doesn't know the Sunday song.

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Monday, June 16, 2008 5:07 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by daveshayne:

But I'm holding the "Possession is Nine Tenths of the Rules" pennant so I can.

*exorcises the pennant
*bounces the ball then gently kicks in towards a wall.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 9:18 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
You may have a pennant, but do you have a flag?

Sure I have a flag. More'n one.

*dave hops on one foot through all seventeen wickets to score double the roll of two dice*

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 9:24 AM

Remember no flag no country...

Ok you're sick of summer and summer just barely started here...

____________________________________________

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 9:38 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by MSB:
Remember no flag no country...

Ok you're sick of summer and summer just barely started here...

I'm rather permanently sick of summer. Summer was nice I guess back when I was a kid and it meant I didn't have to go to the child warehouse 5 times a week but now that I've outgrown K-12 there really isn't any excuse for hot and humid.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 12:42 PM

It's not so much the summer that I despise, but the tornadoes. If the storms occured in January then I'd hate winter. (ok, I do hate winter, but only for the absolute depressiveness of it). Of course, then they'd be ICE TORNADOES FROM HELL! That might be fun. Sounds like a bad SciFi movie. (anyone else notice the awful weather of doom movies they have a tendency to play lately? What's the point?)

*puts on moon boots, bounces the ball of the table, daves head, and then into the goal.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 2:46 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
(anyone else notice the awful weather of doom movies they have a tendency to play lately? What's the point?)

Easy to write scripts for. Just take the dog eared copy of Towering Inferno down from the shelf, replace all references to fire with the meteorological phenomenon of the week, and maybe change the names of a few of the characters and you're good to roll film.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 3:44 PM

*wants to write a script for Sci-Fi for "ICE TORNADOES FROM HELL!"

*Pokes ball with a pool cue.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 8:27 AM

Apparently, the ICE TORNADOES FROM HELL killed the thread dead. Again. I really hate when that happens.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 9:09 AM

Ok I love Ice Tornados from Hell..... the concept not the actuality

____________________________________________

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 9:19 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
*wants to write a script for Sci-Fi for "ICE TORNADOES FROM HELL!"

*Pokes ball with a pool cue.

Will write for food!

*King to Queens Bishop Three! Yahtzee!

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 1:51 PM

*throws a snoball at dave

now write!

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 1:54 PM

Yes...write, right away:)

____________________________________________

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 2:22 PM

*pushes a pawn, draws a card.
Full house!

A man who walks the Earth.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 2:33 PM

LEOPARDFLAN

*rolls five dies*

A yahtzee! 50 points for me!

#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#\/#~%~~*~~~&~~~*~~%~#

\~~~*~~^~~*~~~/$$\~~~*~~^~~*~~~/
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 3:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
*throws a snoball at dave

now write!

In the snoball?

I thought this was a family thread.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 4:03 PM

It's a snoball not a snowball.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 4:08 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by MSB:
Yes...write, right away:)

Are you a publisher? Or a literary agent? 'Cause you sound like one.

But lets see what we have. There is a line on a bit of paper in front of me that I knicked from the morning traffic report. It already went into my pram at myspace but it might also make a fine title for a story.

Slow In the Usual Spots

Traffic didn't so much flow as ooze along the freeways in the valley that fateful morning. The sun's rays glinting off the hoods of late model sedans conspired to assault the eyes of the eastbound office drones as lazily the Action Twelve News Traffic Chopper autogyroed to a crash landing in the foot hills. It's pilot while still breathing was already dead and had been since the large caliber bullet had decided to do a samba through his lung. An unearthly quiet emerged as the rotors spun down and the passenger side door to the 'copter opened to allow Ellie "Eye on Traffic" Transom to fall to her knees on the summer dust and heaved dryly at the sight of her blood soaked blouse.

I took the call from dispatch and lumbered to the scene in my department issued plain brown wrapper. There would be uniforms on their way as well but this case looked to be both high profile and unlikely to be solved so the brass wanted to make sure their favorite fall guy was in on the ground floor. That was me. Too young to retire, too old to quit, and too honest to look the other way. I'm not saying I'm the only honest cop on the force even if it sometimes feels that way. I'm just the one who doesn't have enough clout to avoid the dirty details and has enough enemies with the clout to give him the dirty details.

Ellie Transom is the young up and comer in the local market news scene. Doing the traffic reports from the helicopter instead of a news desk because some marketing major got a focus group to say they liked the retro feel to the traffic reports even if all the actual information came from the same office downtown. Thirty years ago she would have been lucky to be the scantily clad weather girl. Fifty years ago she would have been lucky to have been on a TV newscast at all. Two years ago she was stuck writing for the style section of a newspaper which has since gone out of business. Staring at Jim's blood congealing on her hands she found herself grateful that she didn't have to worry about writing yet another inane article about shoes.

Captain James "Big" Skye had been the chopper pilot. He really was named Skye - Lets face it with a name like that his career choices were pilot and alcoholic - and he really had been a Captain. He flew Apaches for the army until the disability discharge drove him to the private sector. He used to say that he'd earned his nickname in basic when he made a point of always doing more than required. His three exes agreed that he was called big because he was in fact tiny. Only the ME will know the truth now.

To be continued???

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 4:14 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
*pushes a pawn, draws a card.
Full house!

*dave plays euchre with a pinochle deck then skips every other base to score an inverted goal*

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Thursday, June 19, 2008 7:40 PM

more story, more story, more story!

please? pretty please with a cherry on top?

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Friday, June 20, 2008 8:36 AM

[I've] been awake way too long. Not thinking clearly.
This is dedicated to Firefly, Wonderfalls, Drive, The Inside, Strange Luck, Touching Evil, Miracles, etc.

Mark Rivera still cooks on the sax.

A man who walks the Earth.

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Friday, June 20, 2008 9:02 AM

ooh finish the story Dave... yes tell us a bed time story

*draws for the inside straight so she won't end up old maid*

____________________________________________

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

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Friday, June 20, 2008 12:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
please? pretty please with a cherry on top?

Oh all right. But only because I like cherries.

Slow In the Usual Spots: Part Two

I didn't learn much at the crash site. Partly because the actual crime scene was 1000 yards up in the air and partly because my only witness was in no shape to talk having witnessed her partners death and narrowly avoiding her own death only because of the dying act of that same partner. The slug was fired from below and was something big and fierce like a fifty calibre machinegun or maybe one of those Russian fourteen point five millimeter anti tank rifle bullets. A weapon like that is used by someone who really wants to cause damage.

I was staring at an expensive and tastefull suit. Inside the suit was George Derby the news manager of channel Twelve. He didn't know of anybody who wanted to kill Skye. Or Transom either for that matter. "Was there anybody with a grudge against the station?" "Besides channels three, six, and ten?" He instructed his administrative assistant to provide me the file with all the death threats received by the station in the last year. Apparently the file was not small.

It was unhelpful as well. Though I was surprised to learn how many people were murderously annoyed by the Action Twelve News jingle. It was time to talk to the exes though I had the feeling it would be a waste of time. Turned out I was right. I met three very angry women with two things in common they all hated their now dead ex and they all depended on the alimony checks they now wouldn't be getting from "Captain Inadequate"

The uniforms had been canvassing within the two mile radius of the crash site looking for the murder weapon. Or somebody who saw the shooting. Or really just anybody who would give them the time of day without a lawyer being present. Police are not well liked in the valley. The ME dug a half inch hunk of metal out of my corpse and sent it off to the labs. With luck we could eventually match the slug to a weapon and a weapon to a shooter. With luck I could win the power ball.

Lieutenant Cromarty was not pleased with my briefing. I can't say I blamed him my briefing was not pleasing. No suspect, no motive, and only the slimmest of physical evidence that may never be linked to the perpetrator. Plus the news gathering professionals of our fair city were demanding both constant updates and visible progress in the investigation which was showing signs of having neither.

I drove back to my cozy two thousand dollar a month closet and went straight to the fridge for a beer. Only when half of it was gone did I check for messages. It would seem that Ellie Transom had a romantic notion regarding the hours police detectives work and the places they do that work as she expected me to meet her in a bar downtown in about an hour. Automatic callback gave me a this phone does not accept incoming calls message and I drained my beer as I prepared to enact a potboiler mystery cliche and meet the femme fatale in a seedy smoke filled jazz club.

It was much more of a cliche than I cared for particularly. As I drove up the police were just taping off the crime scene where the beautiful and brilliant traffic reporter lay dead in an excessively large pool of blood.

End part two.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Monday, June 23, 2008 11:27 AM

and then????

____________________________________________

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

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Monday, June 23, 2008 12:36 PM

I know what happened next! There were monkeys!
Terrifyin' Space Monkeys got loose, didn't they?

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Monday, June 23, 2008 3:01 PM

Ok, ok. Here's part three.

It looked a lot like any celebrity crime scene. The uniforms pushing back the hordes of onlookers, the paparazzi wasting disk space on shot after shot of glamor gone bad, the corpse laying in an all to awkward position with the rust red blood slowly drying on the concrete in front of the nightclub. The only thing missing was Danny Bonaduce getting a blow job from a transvestite hooker and Mel Gibson screaming racial slurs.

It didn't seem to make much sense to me. Who would want to kill a traffic reporter? Why would the vultures with the flash cameras care about a local celebrity when Brittany was almost due to either enter or leave rehab again? The crime scene guys stalked about in their plastic booties with ziploc bags filled with state's exhibits A through Z while a young woman stood off to the side sobbing. I wondered why she looked familiar until we we're introduced, "Anica DuChase, the deceased's roommate." Also coworker - she was Derby's administrative assistant. If the name seems familiar think DuChase chemicals. She's a great granddaughter but daddy got himself and his children disinherited during an environmental protest outside one of the corporation's smellier plants.

She didn't know why Ellie had called me earlier. Hadn't known Ellie had called me at all. They were out for a drink to maybe calm down and console each other after this morning's gruesome and unnerving events when a car sped by leaving a puff of exhaust, several bullets, and a dead roommate in it's wake. She couldn't recall anybody who might have wanted her friend dead but somebody apparently did.

I talked to the bouncer at the club and he got me the surveillance tapes from the door. After he copied them to sell to the highest bidder. He wasn't looking at the street so he didn't see anything until after the gunshots, scream, and thud. They didn't get drive bys in this neighborhood which was down enough to attract slummers from the TV news without being down enough to attract gang bangers. Ellie and Anica were regulars coming two, three nights a week. They always got in even on the Fridays when a trio that didn't suck was playing because the door guys liked them and management was all about getting cute young women in the club. It was better for business.

I got the number for Amanda, Ellie's mother, and made the call. The department really aught to hire somebody to do that for me because I'm not very good at consoling grieving family. I'm afraid the mother will never really like me after the abrupt way I broke the news. She didn't know who could have killed her daughter or the helicopter pilot. She hadn't talked to her daughter in a week. She didn't talk to her ex-husband at all so she didn't have a number and couldn't leave a message. She couldn't help me with my investigation. Or wouldn't. There seemed to be something she knew that she wasn't telling me but since she lived in the heartland a thousand klicks from the valley I couldn't bring her in for a perp sweat even if my superiors would authorize me bringing the mourning mother of a murder victim in for a perp sweat on a hunch.

I went home to get some sleep for real this time. I was drifting in that weird half asleep state when I suddenly sat bolt upright. How did Amanda know about Skye's death?

Continued in part four.

David

'Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."' - Lore Sjoberg

http://xkcd.com/386/

I has myspace - http://www.myspace.com/daveshayneforpresident

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Monday, June 23, 2008 5:36 PM